Fanfic: Fix You (6/?)
Title: Fix You (6/?)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tragedy strikes Arizona while in Africa, forcing her to come home. xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /
Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.
A/N: Okay, part of this chapter has been my favorite writings, but other parts of it were pretty difficult to get out. I’ve been reassured by Drea and JJ that this chapter is up to par, so I truly hope everyone enjoys it. Thank you to everyone that has been commenting on LiveJournal as well on Fanfiction dot net (stupid FF .net formating), I truly appreciate all the comments! I hope this is up to everyone’s expectations. ;)
The room was still and there were no sounds being made except the incessant beating from the monitor next to my bed. Everyone in the room knew my heart rate just went up, but I didn’t care. This was my moment; the most important moment of my life so far, really. This moment would define my future; a future filled with ‘I love yous’, vows, and children. And for the first time in my life, I wasn’t scared about the future or having children or giving myself completely to Calliope… I was super excited! I was so blinded by my pain and despair that I nearly lost everything. I was pushing Callie away so hard and so often that I was eventually going to lose her. But no! I will not let that happen.
“Marry me, Calliope?”
I know Callie felt three pairs of eyes on her and she was fidgeting because I was putting her on the spot, but I didn’t want to spend another moment without Calliope knowing how much I love her. I couldn’t let Calliope go on without knowing that I wanted to be her wife and that I wanted her to be my wife. I need her to be my beautiful, loving, amazing wife and promise me forever. Why hasn’t she answered me yet?! I look at her, my blue eyes trying to express just how serious I am right now, but I feel the nerves flying in my stomach because of the silent stare she’s giving me. My hands are twitching to grip the blanket at my sides and it’s actually causing a bit of pain and making me feel a little uncomfortable, but I just have to push through it. My mouth has gone completely dry. Shouldn’t this answer be easy? She’s been hammering me with how much she loves me and wants to be with me and yeah, we need to talk and we will! I will talk to her and open up completely with her, but she needs to say yes. She needs to say yes now!
The heart monitor is racing and it forces all of us out of our reveries. I lick my lips to try and wet my mouth again and hold back the tears I already feel stinging my eyes. I need to stay strong and show Calliope how sure I am that I want to be with her. I take a deep breath and tilt my head slightly and offer her the most genuine smile I can. She has a nervous look on her face and she’s still staring at me. I can almost see the wheels spinning in her head and the steam releasing from her ears. I smile at that thought and make sure both dimples are popping out and smiling at Calliope too.
“Marry me, Calliope!”
She blinked several times and finally raises a brow at me. It looks like the third time is the charm and she’s finally broken out of her self-imposed shock. She moves her lips to say something, but nothing comes out. She raises her hand to her forehead and rubs what I can only assume is an impending headache away. She raises that hand toward me and laughs slightly. “W-what did you just say? I mean, I must really be tired after those ten hours of operating on your hands because I really think I’m starting to hear things.” She chuckles nervously as she looks at me and then lets her gaze wander to my mother and father. My mother’s eyes are wide and she is looking at me as though she’s feeling as nervous as I am right now. My father is just standing stoically like the good soldier he is.
I lick my lips again and lock my eyes with the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life. The woman I want to wake up to every morning and go to sleep with every night. I’m a little sad that she hasn’t really answered me yet, but I understand her reluctance here. I need to reassure her and stand strong and make sure she really, really hears me. “I said… Marry me, Calliope.” My voice is low, but firm and she should know better than to mess around with me right now.
Callie blows a long stream of air out of her mouth and then licks her beautiful pink plump lips. “A-Arizona… I d-don’t know what to say… the uhm, you know, the medications you are on… they can m-make you a little loopy and you’re p-probably still kind of out of it n-now.” She’s rambling and nervous and panicking and just utterly adorable. I just fall more and more in love with her, but I know I’m being pretty unfair right now and really putting her in the spotlight especially with my parents standing in the room to witness this. I’m not on a bended knee and I don’t have a ring and there are probably a thousand better ways for me to do this, but I just cannot wait. I can see she’s on the cusp of a breakdown and my parents are here to watch it.
I reach out to her, my eyes pleading with her to stop the ramble and just say yes. She takes my casted hand into both of hers. She glances at my parents and then turns back to me. “…And then there was Africa and sadness and KIDS! You know, we pretty much had broken up over kids, so yeah, I mean, there’s a lot of things we really need to talk about.” I feel my lips trying to curve downward, but I force them to stay into a smile. I guess this is the part where she breaks my heart like I broke all of ours two months ago. I can’t cry. I won’t cry. This doesn’t mean we won’t ever get married. I will just have to ask again or wait. I can wait for her to ask me, I can. I nod slightly at her, deciding not to speak because I just can’t trust my voice to be strong in this moment.
"No puedo creer esto. Ella se vuelve y le ha hecho daño y me puso en esta situación imposible y ahora esto!" Callie gently drops her right hand from mine, but her left is gripping mine as though it was the only thing keeping her grounded in this moment. "Y ahora que me he operado y todo se ve bien, me he convencido de que tenemos una oportunidad. Una posibilidad real de volver a estar juntos y hacer que todo el tiempo que la obligan a hablar conmigo, ella lo have! Me quiero casar contigo, Arizona! Pero usted elige este momento para pedir? ¿En serio?"
[I can't believe this. She comes back and she's hurt and I'm put into this impossible position and now this! And now that I've operated and everything looks good, I've convinced myself we have a chance. A real chance to get back together and make it as long as I force her to talk to me, she does this! I want to marry you, Arizona! But you choose this moment to ask? Seriously?]
“Seriously Arizona?!” Oh boy, she’s getting angry now and I can feel my confidence start to waiver. I have no idea what she just spouted, but I keep the smile on face and the dimples winking at her. She can’t be mad at me when I smile at her like this, can she? I see the anger dissipate from her face and she tilts her head back and laughs. “Seriously Arizona?!” I’m not really sure if she really wants me to answer that or not, so I nod slightly, smile still in place. The heart monitor suddenly starts racing again and I can’t stop myself from giggling while watching her. She has this amazed look on her face and the most breathtaking smile. I love her so much.
“Oh my gosh, Callie, just say yes already before my little girl has a heart attack and you all have to swoop in and take her back to an operating room! The last time I checked, hearts were not your specialty.” My mother’s words were soothing and brightened by laughter at the absurdity of this moment.
I glance to my mother, she’s holding back giggles and my father is just grinning ear to ear. “I think she knows matters of the heart, mom. My heart is in her hands right now. She’s the only one that can fix my broken heart.” I turn back to Callie, my eyes imploring her to give me a real answer, “Please, Calliope… I can’t live another day without knowing you’re mine.” I sniffle back the tears threatening, I’ve cried enough and I will not cry right now. “Please, Callie,” I know she can hear the pleading in my voice, “We’ll talk. About everything, I promise you. Communication was never our strong suit, but I’ve learned how toxic that can be for us and I like to think you have too. We’ll talk about everything and anything! I’m ready for this. Tim, he helped me, you know.” I heard mother gasp and watched as my father put his arm around her. Callie raised a brow at me.
“I know it sounds crazy, my dead brother guiding and helping me, but he did. I have made mistakes in my life and I know I will make more in the future, but I want to make those mistakes with you. I want you to hold me when I cry about them and then be ready to smack some sense into me when I do silly things.” We both chuckle softly and I turn as much as I can so that I can reach out with my casted hands to her. She holds them in her hands and I just smiled up at her. “Calliope, I love you. I have never loved anyone like this ever before. You are the one for me, just like I am yours. You said it yourself! We are meant to be together. And I promise, we will talk about everything. About Africa, about Seattle, I will talk to you about my hardships, my family, my brother and we’ll talk about our future, about our kids, just everything. I wasn’t living when you weren’t with me. I need you. I can’t live a happy life without you. So please…” I lick my lips and taste the salt from the tears that began spilling during my heartfelt speech and swallow down the lump that formed in my throat at being so painfully honest with her, “Please, Calliope… I love you and you love me, so please marry me. Marry. Me.”
The stale air in the hospital room hung over us like smoke from a burning fire. Callie’s dark brown eyes latched onto mine and we stared at one another for what felt like an eternity. I felt panic rising in my chest from the silence, but I didn’t want to break it, not yet. I needed to give Callie time. I finally did it, poured out my entire heart and soul to her. It was one of the most difficult things I would probably ever do in my life. I’ve always been the girl who holds emotion inward, who doesn’t break down and show weakness in front of anyone, even people who love her. I took my brother’s death so hard, but I was a rock for my parents. I didn’t show them how deeply the loss of Tim affected me because they needed me to be their strength at the time. They needed to be able to lean on me and I needed to support them, but I was heartbroken too. I pushed all that pain and sorrow inward and then just never talked about him. I push all the pain and sorrow from my cases inward and they haunt me, much like my brother. I know that I do this to myself, but it’s kind of like a drug and once you start and you’re barreling down that path, it’s nearly impossible to stop or change. But Calliope makes me want to be a better woman. She makes me want to share everything with her, even my pain and despair.
I see my parents in the corner of my eyes and my mother is in tears over my speech. She’s curled into my father with her head resting on his chest. He has a small smile on his face and I can see tear tracks on his cheeks. My father is crying of my heartfelt words and I can see him beaming with pride. “My father is moved by my love for you, Calliope, even he sees that we are meant to be. I think everyone has seen it lately except me and I’m sorry. I’m so deeply, deeply sorry for the pain I have put you through. You’ve been nothing by my good man in a storm since I returned. I know the storm is still raging around us and it probably will continue for a while, you know, with the long therapy I have to go through and the talks we’ll have, but I know you’ll be here to support me, regardless of your answer.”
Callie releases her hold on my hands and reaches with her right hand to gently caress my cheek. I lean into her touch and she smiles at me. “Of course I’ll marry you, moron.” I finally release the breath that I didn’t even realize I was holding. I feel my face brighten into the biggest beam of happiness I have felt since before Carter-Madison’s and Africa’s were ever even blip on my radar. She leans down and presses her lips to mine and I swear, fireworks are going off in my head and butterflies are partying in my belly. I faintly hear my parents clapping in the background, but my attention is solely on my fiancées lips and the kiss slowly becomes less chaste and filled with the passion Calliope and I feel for each other. I hear the cleansing of a throat behind us and then a cough and Calliope’s lips turn up into a grin before she presses another soft kiss against my lips and then pulls back.
“I think that was your father’s subtle hint at asking us to stop, huh?” Calliope is glowing as we both turn back to my parents. My father’s cheeks have a subtle red tint to them and it makes me laugh. My father is not usually a man that blushes.
“I’m sorry,” he says and laughs, “…but we didn’t want to be witnesses to where that kiss was going, young ladies.” He lowers his head slightly and grins at us. “We’re going to go grab a bite to eat and give you girls some privacy.” My mother walks over and hugs Callie warmly and then my father steps up to her and shakes her hand firmly. He then opens the door for my mother and she walks out and as he follows her, he turns back to Callie and whispers, “Welcome to the family.” He then turns to walk out and shuts the door behind him.
Callie leans toward me and presses out foreheads together. I feel her tears dropping against my cheeks and I tilt my head so that I can nuzzle my nose against her cheeks lovingly. “Don’t cry.”
“Happy tears,” she whispers to me, “…really happy tears.”
“I love you. Thank you. Thank you for making me so happy.” I lick my lips and then laugh shortly. “I really wish I could touch you right now.”
She grabs my left hand and pulls it against her chest and holds it over her heart. I can feel how quickly it’s beating beneath my tender fingertips. I smile up at her and she beams down at me. “That was quite a speech, Arizona.”
“Yeah, took a lot of sweet talking to finally make you answer.” I stick my tongue out at her playfully and she laughs at my antics.
“I love you too, Arizona.”
“I know.”
“Oh my god, I have to call my parents. I mean, your parents were here and they pretty much saw everything. It’s a good thing your parents aren’t really into all the latest technologies, or that proposal might have made its way onto Youtube.” We both chuckle and I just thankfully feel all the tightness that was clinging to my body relax. “And we need to talk, you know, seriously talk about things, but you said our kids in your speech. Our kids. We’re going to have kids. I want a mini-Arizona, you know, so keep that in mind.” She laughs and just smiles at me and I feel all the breath deflate my lungs. She’s so beautiful and she’s mine. “And you know, if we’re going to have kids, then we should get a house! Totally get a big beautiful house with a nice large Jacuzzi bathtub so we can bathe together.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me and I can’t help but giggle softly. She’s really on a roll now.
“And we should make sure we check schools that are near the house, because it would be nice to be in a district with a good school, unless you want to do like a private school?” She raises a brow at me and I just smile at her. “There are a lot of good private schools in Seattle and money is really no object, so we can totally do that if you prefer. Oh! When do you want to start planning the wedding? You know, my mother is probably going to want to be a part of those conversations. She’s a lawyer, but really, an event planner at heart. Especially when it comes to parties! And my father is going to be so so excited, I should really call them, but I don’t want to leave my fiancée alone right now.” She beams at me that breathtaking smile and I just find her so irresistible. I tug the hand that she’s holding toward me and she gets the hint so she moves closer to me and presses her lips to mine. Some moments should last forever and this one tops them all.
All the excitement and range of emotions I’ve just gone through has really made me feel tired. I suppose the fact I just got out of surgery has something to do with that as well. I try and stifle a yawn, because I really don’t want to sleep, I want to bask in the beauty and warmth that is Calliope and just be with her, but she sees me and smiles at me. She caresses my cheek and kisses me softly again. “I know you’re tired and you should really rest.” She tilts her head at me and doesn’t move until I nod slightly at her. “Are you in any pain, especially your hands?”
I shake my head no and smile shyly up at her. “I’m good, Calliope. For the first time in a long time I actually feel really good.”
“I’m glad, Arizona. I only want you to feel good and if you’re ever feeling sad or lonely or angry, I want you to come to me. We’re getting married, so I need you to trust me and have faith in me.” I smile up at her and nod because I do. I truly have faith that Calliope can help me through any obstacle that I’m faced with. “Good, now that that’s settled, I just have a few patients to check on, so why don’t you try and get some rest and I’ll come back once I’m done. I’ll bring you some dinner, since I’m sure you’ll be hungry after a nap.”
“I’ll miss you,” I whisper softly, but I know she heard me.
She turns and kisses me again. “Rest well. I’ll be back soon.” I watch her leave the room before I finally close my eyes for a much needed rest.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
To say Callie was feeling giddy would be an understatement. She wasn’t expecting a proposal, but she was certainly hoping that Arizona would at least open up to her and discuss possibilities of them officially getting back together. This was better than anything she could have hoped for and her heart was just flying in her chest from the excitement. Africa did change Arizona and for a while, it didn’t change her for the better, but listening to the love of her life to tell her that she not only wanted to work things out, but that she loved her and was willing to talk and bend in order for them to be together. For the first time since Arizona ever mentioned Africa, Callie was actually thankful for the hard journey they were both taken on because of where it led them.
Callie was in such a good mood she found herself singing and dancing in the elevator alone as she made her was to the locker room. She was going to go change, grab some pizza from Arizona’s favorite place, and then spend the evening with her girl. The thought just made her smile so wide and she couldn’t help the fact that “Running on Sunshine” was running through her mind. Arizona did have her running on sunshine right now and she giggled to herself as she danced her way out of the elevator as the doors opened.
She danced her way right into Cristina Yang’s arms. Cristina raised a brow at Callie and offered her the most confused look she could muster. “Something tells me your name is Lucy… cause everything keeps shakin’ aroooound,” Callie sang to Yang.
“No, my name is Cristina and you know that.” Cristina tried to pull away from Callie, but Callie grabbed her hand and pulled her back in.
“We can cop a room…” Callie shook her head once, “…make these walls go boom…” Callie thrust her hips toward Cristina with a grin, “…we can do this right here and now, now, now.”
“You know, this is a form of harassment. I can totally report you.” Cristina said as Callie twisted her arm sending Cristina twirling away from her body.
Callie started shaking her finger at Cristina, “Hey just get over yourself, this ain’t too good for your health, hey just get over yourself!”
Cristina crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. Callie slid her own arm through the nook of Cristina’s elbow and tugged her gently, pulling her along toward the locker room. “You got me runnin’ on sunshine ain’t no clouds getting’ in my way.” Callie just started humming as she released Cristina when she had to open the door to walk into the locker room.
“Okay, you can’t star in a Broadway show in the hallway and then not tell why the hell you’re in such a good mood.” Cristina said as she followed Callie into the locker room. She was actually happy to see Callie in such good spirits. The entire hospital had been too depressing lately. “Didja get another ‘every bone in the body broken’ case or did you finally decide to paint the walls in your apartment back to a decent color instead of the pukey beige?”
“The walls are not painted pukey beige, Cristina, they’re earth tones and it totally brightens the entire room. I like it and I think Arizona will too.” Callie was started humming again as she started to change her clothes.
“Oh, so Roller Girl is moving back in with you, hm?” Cristina raised a brow with her question.
“Better than that,” Callie said with a dreamy smile on her face, “She asked me to marry her and I said yes.”
“Are you serious? After all the hell she put you throu-“ Cristina was starting to object, but Callie raised her hand and then stood up and looked Cristina dead in the eye.
“We both put each other through hell and thankfully, we’ve come out on the other side together. Be happy for us. I’m happy. I’m so over the moon happy that I just want to sing and dance and it’s such a nice feeling and I really want to take advantage of it, okay? There will be time to mope and be angry and talk things out and hurt each other and reconnect, but right now? Right now is happy time.” Callie smiled at Cristina and really hoped that she would understand.
“Well, I’m planning the bachelorette party and there will be tequila,” Cristina said with a wry grin.
“That’s fine as long as there are no strippers or dorky games.” They both laughed and Callie started dancing again. “Girl you got me trippin’ on suuuuunshine. God knows you just made my day!” She started to booty shake her way out of the locker room and Cristina really couldn’t help but grin at the antics of her friend, but the moment Callie shook her booty out of the door, she nearly fell over laughing. Callie shook her booty right into Bailey and caused Bailey to drop all of the charts she was carrying.
“Torres! What the hell is wrong with you?” Bailey practically shouted.
“She’s getting married, that’s what.” Cristina said matter-of-factly.
Bailey turned to look at Cristina, then back to Callie and then laughed when Callie shook her head yes. “It’s ‘bout time you both got your heads out of your asses.” Bailey said with a wave of her hand as she picked up her charts. They all had a laugh and then Callie said goodbye and headed out to pick up some food for she and Arizona.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
And hour and a half later Callie wandered back into Arizona’s room only to find her in tears. The second the door opened, Arizona turned to Callie and raised her hands feebly before exclaiming, “Thank god!”
Callie dropped the pizza box on the tray next to Arizona’s bed and dropped her purse, along with the bag she was holding, on the chair next to the bed. “Hey, hey, is everything alright?”
“I’ve been awake and sitting here bored out of my mind, Calliope! I can’t turn the television on. I considered leaning over and trying to push it with my nose, but then I thought about germs and the button being so close to my mouth…” She visibly shuddered. “Gross.” Then she smiled and sat up as much as she could manage without the use of her hands. “But you’re here now and you can turn it on and talk to me for a while! You are staying for a while, right?” She pouted at the last sentence and gave Callie her best puppy dog look.
“Okay, okay, you can put the kicked puppy look away, I’m not going anywhere. I went to get us some food and another change of clothes. I’m not letting my fiancée spend the night alone in the hospital.” Callie smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Arizona’s cheek. Callie slipped off her shoes and then crawled into the bed next to Arizona and slipped her arms around her. Arizona sighed happily and leaned against her. “This is okay?”
Arizona smiled and nodded. “Very okay and I guess, if you want, we can talk after we eat. That pizza smells so amazing.”
Callie kissed Arizona’s temple and then shook her head. “Let’s eat and enjoy each other’s company, okay? We’re together and we’re engaged. We have the rest of our lives to talk and discuss things, let’s just be happy for a while, okay?”
Arizona nodded and smiled. “That’s definitely okay with me, Calliope. I love you.”
“I love you.” Callie kissed Arizona on the nose and then turned and pulled one of the bags from the chair next to them. “I brought something for you to wear so you can feel a little more comfortable. I feel bad that you’ll be stuck here for a while. I’ll have your mom stop by your place to bring you some more comfort clothes too.” She pulled out a pink Johns Hopkins shirt from the bag and a pair of her own yoga pants that she knew Arizona loved.
“Calliope! I’ve been looking for that shirt ever since I left for Africa.” She reached out for it, but the pouted when she realized she couldn’t grab it from her. “I love that shirt.”
“I know. I’m sorry, but I kept it.” Callie had the decency to blush and Arizona giggled softly. She really didn’t mind. “I would sleep in it and I could smell you and just for a few minutes as I lay in bed drifting to sleep, I could fool myself into thinking you were still here with me. Now it smells like me, so I hope during the day when I’m working it will help you remember that I’m close by and here with you.”
“Calliope Torres sleeping in a pink shirt to feel her girlfriend close.” Arizona raised a brow. “I think the official badass committee may have to remove you from their ranks.”
Callie snorted a laugh through her nose, “Hey, I’m still totally badass. Every badass has a sensitive side. And a person that makes them completely dorky from time to time. Sometimes, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do in order to survive, you know. Extreme times call for extreme measures, including wearing a pink shirt and pining for the love of your life.” She brushed her nose against Arizona’s shoulder gently and was thankful she wasn’t crying, that totally would have ruined her badass reputation even more.
Arizona pouted and tilted her head to look at Callie. The look was serious and had pushed all their joking aside. “I’m so sorry Calliope. I’m so deeply, deeply sorry that I hurt you so much.” Tears were forming in Arizona’s eyes, but she maintained eye contact through them. “I was duty bound! I had to honor my commitment and I tried, I really, really tried too, but I was miserable… In hurting you, I was slowly killing myself.” She scoffed and raised her hands. She turned her face to look at her battered and bruised fingertips which were poking out of the heavy pink casts. “I… I’m actually thankful now that this happened, can you believe that?” She turned back to look at Callie, her face full of hope and awe, “…Because I’m not sure I would have ever had the courage to come back on my own and admit the disastrous mistake I had made.”
Callie wrapped her arms more tightly around Arizona and pulled her face into her chest. She kissed the top of her head and did her best to hold back her own tears. She knew Arizona was beating herself up over everything, but hearing her say it now did not make it any less difficult to swallow. She’s always so hard on herself and usually keeps those emotions inside, so the fact she was being so open with Callie just confirmed that things between them have changed. “Shh… there will be plenty of time to talk about that, let’s sit in the now and be happy. We’re getting married.”
“We’re getting married,” Arizona repeated softly and Callie could hear the smile in her voice. “I always knew I’d marry a girl that didn’t like sandwiches.” They both giggled at that and it reminded Callie of the box on the tray.
“Speaking of equal hatred for sandwiches, I brought you pizza, extra cheese, light on the sauce.” She winked at Arizona while opening the box in front of them and letting the smell of deliciousness waft through the drab hospital room.
“Mmm, smells divine.” Arizona said as she watched Callie grab a slice and fold it, then hold the tip toward Arizona’s lips. She wasted no time in taking a bite and then giggled when Callie took a bit right after her. “It’s too bad my hands are incapable of doing the only thing that is going through my mind right now.” She slowly slid her tongue along her bottom lip while looking into Callie’s eyes.
Callie’s eyes widened and she forced the piece of pizza she was chewing on down her throat and then started coughing wildly. She poured a glass of water from the small pitcher that was on the tray and quickly took a drink.
“That was totally badass, Calliope.” Arizona giggled.
“Again with the extreme measures, are you trying to kill me, Arizona? That would so not have been a cool way to die; choking on a piece of pizza while your fiancé gives you sexy eyes and tongue.” Callie waved her arm over Arizona’s face playfully, both of them relaxing into the banter that they had always shared together. Things were feeling a little lighthearted and good between them and, even if it was just for one night, it was as though Africa never happened as they laughed, talked and ate pizza while being completely comfortable in one another’s arms. They were both happy to bask in the loving faith that had brought them back to each other.