Fanfic: Fix You (5/?)
Title: Fix You (5/?)
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Tragedy strikes Arizona while in Africa, forcing her to come home.
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not intend to profit in any way, shape or form by posting this story. It's for fun, nothing more, and nothing less. Please don't sue me.
A/N: Here’s the next chapter. I think it’s a bit whimsical and it’s fully intended. I hope it’s easy to follow, I did my best to add breaks that will actually appear on FF .net, but no guarantees, the site seems to hate me! As always, thank you so much to everyone that takes the time to comment and let me know what they think of the story. It means so much to me!
Callie could not stop crying. She had left Arizona’s bedside two hours ago so she could have some time alone with her parents. She was introduced to The Colonel and right away knew that Arizona was a nice mix of both of her parents. The warmth that engulfed her as Colonel Robbins gave her a meaty hug still hung over her as she sat in the lounge while preparing herself for the surgery she was about to perform. It also led her to reason she couldn’t stop crying. Suddenly, doubt replaced faith and fear replaced the calm she was feeling before. And now she couldn’t stop crying. And this wasn’t just a few tears crawling down her cheeks, no, this was full on gut-wrenching sobs. Her mid-section was starting to hurt from the powerful sobs and her face was starting to ache from the grimace her face contorted to with each sob. She felt as though she were breaking and the only person who could put her back together was about to be on her table in the OR.
She heard the door open, but was unable to stop her sobbing. She listened as footsteps worked toward her and then a pair of strong arms wrapped her in a hug. The scent was purely male and she felt the stubbly cheek against her own. She wasn’t scared; she knew right away it was Mark coming to check on her. She was supposed to be scrubbing in ten minutes ago and she knew someone would be coming to get her after she ignored two pages. Mark rubbed her shoulders and squeezed her gently, doing his best to be the comfort and support she needed. He still felt insanely guilty over how he reacted upon Arizona’s arrival at the hospital. It opened his eyes to how focused he could be and it often led him to assuming things that were simply not there. He would work on that. The two sat in a comfortable embrace as Callie sobbed a few more times. She was thankful it was Mark that came to check up on her, since she needed to talk to him anyway.
“I can’t do this, Mark. What if I’m responsible for Arizona never being able to pick up a cup of coffee again, let alone operate? What if something goes wrong or the cartilage doesn’t hold?” Tears were still falling from her eyes, but she was finally able to swallow the sobs back. Her hands were moving as she ranted, but Mark was glad she hadn’t started speaking Spanish yet. He was rubbing her back and just letting her vent at him. He was going to be the shoulder she needed to lean on. “I love her, Mark and I met her parents, Mark! I can’t believe I met her parents this way, it should’ve been a happy meeting, though I was happy to meet them… And her parents are just wonderful and there for her, but what will they think of me if I fail..? I don’t know if I can live with that!”
Callie stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. She stilled herself and took another deep breath and looked into Mark’s eyes. He eyes were still wet from tears, but the look in her eyes was of pure fear. “We need to postpone the surgery, Mark. I can’t go into surgery feeling this way.” Callie’s hands were shaking slightly and that, coupled with the feeling of nervousness flowing throughout her entire body was frustrating her. She looked away from Mark and let out a long breath from between her cheeks. “Mark… there is a boot heel imprinted in her right hand. Who the hell does that to another person?!”
“Hey, hey… okay, it’s going to be okay, but I need you to calm down.” Mark put his hands on Callie’s shoulders and shook her just slightly to ensure she was paying attention to him. “First of all, I don’t know where all this doubt came from, but you’ve perfected that cartilage and it’s going to make you a big name in the medical field. Seriously. You’re ready, Callie and Arizona has faith in you and your hands. She said so herself, so now you need to have faith in yourself. You can do this, Callie, Arizona needs you. So hey, her parents are in the waiting room now and we haven’t had her brought to the OR just yet, so why don’t you go and talk to her for a few minutes before things get started? And secondly, I’ll do everything in my power to make sure that whatever heel imprint is in her hand is going to disappear. Neither of you need a constant reminder of what happened to her. No one needs that.” Mark patted her back and moved out of her space.
Callie nodded, “Yeah, that’s a good idea and thank you.” The two sat in silence for a few minutes as Callie did her best to pull herself together. “Mark, I’m still pretty mad at you, but what I heard from Teddy about how you treated Arizona the other day really makes me want to just hit you. I mean, really hit you, or make my father come here and really put you in your place.”
Mark paled at the thought of Mr. Torres returning… he still could feel Mr. Torres’ hands on him from the last time they met. His hand subconsciously rubbed his neck, but all he did was nod slightly.
“You’re a smart man, a doctor for heaven’s sake! I appreciate that you were so willing to blindly fight on my behalf, but I don’t need that. I need a friend, a person I can talk too and who will be there to support me, but I don’t need someone to fight for me. I can fight for myself and if I really need someone to step up for me, you need to let it be Arizona. She may not realize it yet, but she’s my one. I love her. And I need for you to respect me and respect her.” Callie moved her head so that she could look into Mark’s eyes. She wanted him to really hear her. He nodded slightly and she stood up and started to walk out of the room to go and see Arizona before the surgery. “And Mark, if you ever touch her again I will make you regret it for the rest of your life.”
Mark swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded slightly, even though Callie had already left the room.
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“Hey there, I hope you’re ready for a long nap.” Callie smiles at me, but I see the tear tracks on her face and see the nervousness in her body language. She comes to my side and gently traces her index finger along my cheek.
I smile up at her and lean into the touch before nodding slightly. I try to reach up to caress her cheek, but again, realize my hands aren’t exactly in a position to let me. It’s just so natural for me to want to touch her and not being able to is just making me so sad all over. Tears are welling in my eyes again, haven’t I cried enough?
“Hey, hey, no crying,” she leans close to me and nuzzles her nose against my cheek. The feeling makes me giggle and feel warmth spread all throughout my body. I nuzzle my nose against her cheek playfully and then lay my head back against the pillow. I look back at her and I see that tears are slowly moving down her cheeks. The look she is giving me is just breaking my heart. She’s looking at me like this may be the last time she sees me alive or in decent spirits, knowing what was to come following the surgery.
“Maybe I should be saying that to you?” I smile shyly at her and all of a sudden she breaks. The tears are accompanied by a soft sob and then a wail as she slides her arms around me. I do my best to hold her, despite my hands handicapping me. I lean my cheek against hers and softly whisper into her ear. “Hey, Calliope, don’t cry, not for me. I have the best orthopedic surgeon in the world on my case and she’s simply amazing. You know, she makes cartilage from scratch! And she did that on her own, when everyone told her it couldn’t be done. That is how amazing she is. And when she looks at me with her beautiful eyes and her smile that lights up any room she walks into and she tells me that I just need to have faith in her… well, I believe her with all my heart and soul. So don’t you worry about anything, I have faith in her.”
I felt Callie exhale a long shaky breath and then she laughed. It was music to my ears. She must be so worried about whether or not something goes wrong. This is a strange situation and I’m honestly surprised the Chief is even letting Callie operate on me, but I think his guilt is overriding his logic at this point. I’m certainly not going to complain, I need Calliope, not just as my surgeon, but in my life or this deep seeded fear and desperation might end up taking me to places I don’t want to go. Callie’s caress breaks me from the dark thoughts in my mind and she smiles down at me. I want to kiss her, but I can’t yet. I can’t make her have hope incase this surgery doesn’t go the way we plan. I can’t tie her down with a handicapped version of me.
“You are absolutely right.” She says as we begin heading to the OR. I didn’t even realize Alex and an intern had walked in and started moving me. Callie is gently holding the wrist of my right hand and I feel her thumb gently rubbing circles against my skin. It sends goosebumps up my arm and I can feel the hair on the back of my neck standing on edge. That’s what Calliope does to me… she walks me to the edge and makes me want to fly off it and soar.
I’m moved to the OR table and the doctors are setting me up. Callie looks nervous as she gives orders to the nurses and to Alex. She then turns back to me and smiles, she’s trying to show how strong she is for me, but the worry is there, I can see it. “Alright, we’re just about all set here.”
“You. Are. Great. Calliope.” I smile at her and she laughs, both of us lost in a distant memory for a moment. When she looks back at me, all the doubt and fear is gone and there is just determination and love. The anesthesiologist tells us that she’s going to start administering the medication.
“You come back to me, Arizona.” Callie leans down and she finally presses her lips to mine. My eyes close and I relish the touch for as long as I can before I drift off into sleep.
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I’m standing in an open field full of the greenest grass I’ve ever seen. It’s a beautiful day. The sky is so blue and there isn’t a cloud in sight and the sun is beaming down sheltering me in its warmth. I hold my hands out and spin around before giggling helplessly. I can’t remember ever having a ‘Sound of Music’ moment before. Callie would call me a moron and then start spinning around herself. The thought of Callie makes me long for her and I glance around and see nothing except in the center of the clearing are two tombstones. I feel a shiver travel down my spine, but walk toward the tombstones. When I reach them, they are identical other than the names in the center. This is where my brother and my grandfather were laid to rest.
“Hey Sis,” I hear my brother and look to my right. There he is, outfitted in his dress blues and his white cover. He looks so handsome and crisp and alive.
“Should I get used to you sneaking up on me?” I smiled at him before turning back to look over the tombstones.
“I’m here because you need me, Sis. And you know I’m always right.” He offered me a lopsided grin and it reminded me of all the mischief we used to get into together as kids. It made me truly feel how much I missed him. Sometimes, I couldn’t help but wallow over how unfair life seemed to be for me. I was given the best brother in the world, only to have him taken away from me. I was given the most wonderful woman in the world to love and I pushed her away from me. I was given an amazing grant and an opportunity to save children in Africa, only to have my hands taken from me. I’ve lost everything.
“Sis, you have choices to make, choices that are going to shape the rest of your life. But right now, you’re going to have to make one of the biggest decisions ever. Regardless of what happens in surgery, this decision is really a life changer.” I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned back to look at his bright blue eyes. He looked through me. He always could.
“Your brother is right.” I felt a hand on my left shoulder and turned to look into the eyes of the grandfather I never met, the man who I never had the honor to meet, but who I felt like I knew all my life. The name I was given was in honor of the ultimate sacrifice he made for his country. He also looks amazingly handsome and crisp in his dress blues. I sniffled back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes and looked into the face of the man I wish I would have known more than just through my father’s memories of him. “Arizona, I’m only here to tell you that I’m proud of you. I wanted you to know that you have truly honored your name and my memory and I sincerely hope you choose not to change that.” He gives me a soft kiss against me cheek before turning and walking away from me. My heart is pounding in my ears and tears are falling down my face, but inside, all I feel is pride and positively thankful for whatever drugs in my system gave me this opportunity. The moment is short lived as my grandfather slowly dissipates before my eyes.
Tim grabs his cover and puts it under his right arm. He runs a hand through his blonde hair, the front always a bit longer than the back. “He’s not the only proud of you, Sis. I am too. And I watch Mom and Dad and I know they both are as well. I know Dad isn’t much for showing it, but he really is proud of you. He knows the only reason you didn’t end up in the same place as me was because of DADT. I think he’s sad because of it on one hand, but thankful on the other, especially after what happened to me.” I nod while listening to Tim. He was so brave to go off to war. I don’t have the heart to tell him that I never intended to go into the military, regardless.
“It’s okay, Sis.” He chuckles and I watch as his head leans back and his hair ruffles in the wind. I miss him so much, little things like how his blonde hair always landed perfectly on his head and his pure white smile that seemed to sparkle. “This is really important and I know you’re processing and working through everything and that’s part of why I’m here, but I need you to really hear me, okay?” He nods his head toward me and I can feel his eagerness to help me. I nod back at him with solemn look of pure veneration, my brother, ever my savior.
The scenery around me changes and I’m in the kitchen slash dining room of a large house. I’m smacked with a sense of familiarity and I realize that I saw this house in a previous dream; one that didn’t end very happily. There’s a large table across from the island in the center of the kitchen. I see Callie sitting at the head of the table and she’s holding an infant with short blonde peach fuzz hair. She’s smiling so widely at the baby it just takes my breath away. To her right sits her father and across from him is my father. They’re animatedly talking with each other and when my father imitates a motion as though he’s throwing a ball, I can assume they’re discussing baseball. In the kitchen my mother is putting the finishing touches on her famous apple pie and I see a woman, who I can only assume is Callie’s mother from how she looks, is laughing with her while checking a pot on the stove. A mass of brown curly hair is being chased by a mop of blonde hair and both children are giggling. The picture sends a wave of warmth through my entire body.
The sound of a door opening and closing is heard and I see myself walking in the room. I’m carrying a bag of groceries and I say hello to everyone in the room. I watch as I lean in and press my lips to Callie’s cheek and then another to the infant in her hands. I drop the groceries on the counter and the two women thank me and apologize again for needing the last minute trip to the store. Suddenly, the dark haired girl runs by me. She’s still laughing and I quickly raise a hand and ruffle her hair as she passes. Her brother is about to go by me, but he stops and slaps my butt and then giggles while running off. I give him a look of mock offense and quickly take off chasing after him. Everyone in the room is laughing at our antics.
“You can have such a wonderful and happy life, Sis, regardless of whether or not you can operate. I know how much you love surgery, but it’s just a part of you.” He points at the other me in the room and that’s when I see it. I look more closely at her hands and they’re still in braces. Her fingers look stiff and as though they didn’t move nearly as smoothly as they once did. How can I be that happy if I can’t operate? Or use my hands in a normal fashion? I watch as the Arizona in the room runs by Callie and Callie slaps her butt too, which causes the little boy and girl to erupt into even more laughter. Is it really possible to be that happy without my career?
“Sis, you can be amazing and get another career, one that doesn’t require such focus and manual dexterity. You’re so amazing, there are thousands of things you can do, but most importantly, you have a woman who wants to be with you. I have no idea if this is really something that can happen, but I feel like it’s one of so many scenarios you can put yourself into, but you have to be willing! I mean it, Sis, you can be happy and have a wonderful life and I can dance so, so hard at your wedding. I’ll be dancing all over heaven in celebration of your love.”
I feel choked up as the scene in front of me slowly melts away into darkness. I wanted to watch more of that family; a family that could possibly be in my future. It was like a new dream was being awakened inside me, one I never even knew I wanted, but now, I want nothing more than to be with Calliope. I wonder if that would be something that she would still want with me. I know at one point in time I nearly lost her over the thought of a family like this, but that family looked so natural, so happy… why couldn’t I have happiness like that?
“You can Sis, that’s what I’m trying to tell you.” I hear the frustration in Tim’s voice and it hurts me deeply. I was always the stubborn one and it took a lot to change my mind or make me realize even the simplest things sometimes.
The scene around us shifts and now we’re standing in Callie’s apartment. The room feels cold and lacking the love and joy that Callie and I always seem to share. I see Callie sitting in a chair next to a window in the living room. She’s wearing all black and just staring out of the window into a darkened starless sky. Sitting on the red couch is my father and he’s holding my mother close to him. My mother’s head is resting against his chest and she’s sobbing. My father looks as though he’s about to break and it’s taking every ounce of his power to remain stoic. Carlos and Lucia Torres are standing in the kitchen. Carlos looks as though he’s in shock and he keeps glancing at Callie and my parents. Lucia is fiddling with some platters of food that are sitting on the counters. It looks as though they are getting ready for guests.
I look at Tim, my eyes asking the question that I can’t seem to squeeze out of my mouth. He frowns at me and shakes his head before looking back into the room. “I love you, Sis, but I don’t want you here yet. If you give up though, you’re going to hurt a lot of people. I know how you’ve been feeling lately, but all of these people love you and they would rather you stick around handicapped than be taken from them.” He nods at the room and then looks back at me. “It’s been three days since you died here. Callie, well, she hasn’t taken the loss well at all. She hasn’t spoken a single word since she was given the news. She’s stopped eating, caring, living. She stares out of the window and looks at the sky, almost as though she’s asking why. Why would you be taken away from her? She’s completely broken and no one thinks she’s going to recover. She’s completely lost her faith, Sis.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and cover my face with my hands as I sob. After everything I’ve done to Callie, how I could I do this to her too? Would I really be so selfish as to take away her faith on top of everything else? And how did I die? Was it during surgery… or after? I lick my lips and look back up to Tim. He pulls me into his arms and gives me a warm hug and squeezes me gently. “Things don’t have to be this way. There are thousands of scenarios out there, Sis. So you need to make a choice, regardless of whether or not the surgery is successful. You need to live your life and love and be happy, Sis. Don’t let the despair swallow you whole. I don’t want to see you in heaven anytime soon.” He kisses me against my temple and I feel his tears falling against my cheek and shoulder. My big brother, Tim, is crying for me. “Please make the right decision, Sis. I really, really want to dance at your wedding.” He pulls away from me and smiles. “I love you, Sis, and remember, I’m always with you.” He touches my chest over my heart and then puts his cover back on his head. He turns and starts walking away. I see him fading from my sight. He turns around and salutes me, then winks as he disappears.
I’ve heard of people who have been close to death say they see their life flash before their eyes. I know I’m being operated on right now and I know I’m on a lot of medication, but in some way, I feel as though I’ve been given glimpses into possible futures for me. Maybe neither are really to be, but just possibilities and if that’s the case, then my brother is right. I have a decision to make and it’s the easiest decision, not the hardest. The decision is and will always be to live. I didn’t even really realize how desperate and sad and alone I had felt until Calliope reminded me how it felt to be loved. She loves me. She still wants to be with me, despite everything. My Calliope… It doesn’t matter if I can operate again or not. I have a life to live.
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Callie was nervous, but she was doing her best not to show it in front of Arizona’s parents. The three of them were huddled in Arizona’s small hospital room and talking about nothing and everything. Callie had learned how fearless Arizona was as a child and how she was always able to talk her big brother into doing the craziest things. The Colonel told her a story about how Arizona convinced Tim that they should train to be paratroopers when he was ten years old and she was eight. They had a tree house and Arizona took an old mattress and put it just outside the tree house door. All Tim had to do was jump, because Arizona, of course, was the higher ranking officer and she had to judge how he did before he could be a real paratrooper. She tied the top of a sheet round his shoulders and the bottom around his ankles (and don’t get him started on how upset Barbara was that they ruined one of her sheets). And Tim, being the good brother and soldier he was, jumped without question. The mattress barely broke his fall and he ended up dislocating his shoulder and fracturing an ankle, but he was proud because Arizona told him he passed with flying colors. Callie couldn’t wait to see what kind of mischief her kids would get into… she just hoped she’d be having those kids with Arizona.
She really liked Arizona’s parents. They were warm and welcomed her with open arms, even though Arizona had pushed and pushed hard to keep Callie away. She wasn’t going anywhere, not when Arizona needed her so much. Yeah, she had her parents, but Callie wanted to be the one to take care of her and help her and support her. Most of all she wanted to love Arizona and be loved by Arizona and she was at the point where she would do anything to make that happen. If Arizona needed time, she would gladly give it to her, but she was going to fight and fight hard. She had spoken briefly to the Colonel when he cornered her alone the previous day and given her a firm handshake followed by a “if you break my daughter, I’ll break you” speech. It felt so good to tell him how she felt about Arizona and that she was going to do everything in her power to make Arizona happy. He placed his hand on her shoulder and looked her square in the eye and said, “Thank you, Callie. I’m glad my daughter found you.” The swell of pride in her chest from that moment still lingered inside even now.
Everyone in the room froze when they heard a slight groan coming from the bed. Callie quickly jumped up and went to Arizona’s side. She gently caressed Arizona’s cheek and smiled when she watched those beautiful blue eyes come into her view. Arizona had a glassy look on her face, but that wasn’t uncommon for someone who just came out of ten hour surgery. Callie was so excited while watching Arizona wake up she thought her heart was going to beat right out of her chest so it could hug her with all its might. Callie leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Arizona’s temple and then whispered softly, “Thank you.”
Callie smoothed her hand over Arizona’s forehead and pushed her hair back. She knew Arizona would be a bit dazed and confused as she woke up. Arizona lifted her hands just slightly and raised a brow when she realized how heavy they felt and how much effort it took to lift them at all. “Take it easy and try not to move your hands too much. You have casts on both of them, so that’s why you can’t move your fingers. They probably feel a bit heavy too.” Callie laughed slightly as she watched realization slowly come over Arizona’s features. The fog must be lifting away her mind. “The surgery went really well. There were no complications and the cartilage was awesome and did exactly what it was made to do. Now we just need to wait and see, okay? Lots of physical therapy and work, but I have a really good feeling that everything is going to be more than okay.” She looked into Arizona’s eyes and Arizona stared back. They looked at one another for what felt like hours, just devouring each other’s essence and reveling in one another’s presence.
Arizona licked her lips in preparation to speak, her eyes never moving from Callie’s. She felt this intense connection to the beautiful woman who was so willing to take care of her and be with her. She slowly raised her right hand with a soft grunt and a grimace from the effort it took and let her fingertips gently caress Callie’s cheek. Callie closed her eyes and leaned into the touch with a small smile on her face. The moment was perfect and when Callie opened her eyes she looked into the blue eyes she loved so much and saw a fierce determination and love within them.
“Marry Me, Calliope.”