The Stuff of Life - Sarah Connor Chronicles - gen
Title:The Stuff of Life
Author: mahaliem
Fandom: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Pairing: gen, Derek, Cameron
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2,459
Summary: Derek and Cameron go grocery shopping.
Notes: Written for chase_acow and the Sarah Connor Chronicles Flash Fiction and Art Challenge Prompt - Present day humor. I can only imagine what kind of wacky hi-jinx go on between the unlikely housemates. Derek just killed me using Sarah's toothbrush, and the shower scene was awesome. Don't tell me that it's all smooth sailing between John and Cameron either.
If it weren't for the help and ideas from svmadelyn and my wonderful, amazing beta myownghost this story probably wouldn't have happened. Thank you so much to both of you.
The Stuff of Life
Derek was used to putting his life on the line. Fighting Skynet. Protecting Kyle. Going back in time. He'd always figured that someday a Terminator would kill him. He'd just never thought a Terminator would do it by being a bad driver.
"Watch out!" Derek shouted. A loud horn blared behind them.
"We had one point eight seconds to spare," Cameron said.
"We had one point eight seconds between us making it around that truck and being a smear in the road."
Cameron turned to look at him instead of the traffic. "I would not smear."
"You pull a stunt like that again and I'm likely to do my best to find out if that's true."
He started mentally listing ways he could do it when Cameron went from forty-five miles an hour to zero to stop at a light, causing the tires to squeal, the tail of the car to skid, and for Derek to be thrown forward against the seatbelt.
* * *
It was all Sarah's fault he was in this predicament in the first place. She'd been intent on talking to Miles Dyson's widow again and insisted on going alone.
Derek had scowled at her. "You expect us to just sit here and wait?"
"No. John needs to do his homework."
"I did it already," Cameron said, causing John, who was standing next to her, to wince at her honesty.
"As I said, John needs to do it. As for the two of you," Sarah told Derek and Cameron, "There's a list of things we need on the counter."
After Sarah walked out the door, Derek moved to pick up the paper, then swore.
"What is it?" John asked. "Weapons? Explosives?"
"No," Derek answered. "Groceries."
* * *
"That man took the space I was planning to use," Cameron said.
Derek looked at where a bright red SUV was parking. "There are other spaces."
"But I was waiting for that one."
"He got there first. There's nothing you can do about it. And you can't kill him," he added quickly for good measure.
After Cameron found another spot and parked the car, Derek hopped out and headed for the store, not bothering to wait for her. Grabbing a cart, he pushed it through the automatic doors, went several yards inside, then stopped short.
He was still staring at the glorious sight when Cameron caught up with him.
"What is it?" Cameron asked.
"Look at all that food."
"This is a grocery store. It is logical that it should contain food."
"There was never much food to go around while fighting Skynet. After we came back in time, my team and I were mainly living on fast food. Now it's whatever Sarah's burning. It's been a while since I've seen so much food in one place."
"Why does it matter? You can only consume so much food at a time."
There were some things a Terminator would never understand. Derek decided that going hungry was one of them.
* * *
At the end of the first aisle, where they'd chosen meats based on what might taste better overcooked, they found a table with a portable stove on it. Behind the table was a slender woman wearing an apron and a fake smile.
Before they could get past her, she spotted them. "Would you like to try some of Sammy's Sizzling Sausages?"
"No," Cameron answered.
The woman's smile faltered momentarily, before it came back, brighter than ever.
"They're low in cholesterol, and this week you can buy two packages for the price of one." The woman held out a toothpick that had a slice of sausage impaled on it. "Doesn't it look tasty?"
Cameron stared at the skewered meat then back at the woman. "No," she answered.
Derek reached past Cameron to take the proffered slice. "She's a vegetarian," he lied before shoving the piece of sausage into his mouth.
"Ah," the woman nodded in understanding. "That explains things."
Giving the woman a tight-lipped smile, Derek grabbed Cameron by the arm and pulled her away.
"She was threatening me," Cameron told him.
"What?"
"To maintain the integrity of our organic components, we need to take in a minimal amount of food. The preservatives and additives in that sausage, were I to eat it, might have damaged my system."
"There's a thought," Derek said. "We could force-feed Terminators junk food to kill them. It would be like War of the Worlds and bacteria, only it would be McDonalds that saves the world."
"It would not kill us. However, our skin would slough off, our eyes would--"
"Okay, I get it. But she wasn't trying to hurt you. There was nothing more harmful than this toothpick," Derek said, brandishing the small stick he still held in his hand.
Cameron looked at it, then at him. "I could kill you with that."
Derek hastily found a trash can to drop the toothpick in before continuing the shopping.
* * *
Derek plucked a bag of coffee off the shelf, eyed the tea for a moment before grabbing a box of tea bags, then moved on to the bread aisle. He snatched up two loaves of bread and manfully ignored Cameron's question about English Muffins and why nooks and crannies were important.
In the cereal aisle, he gave up trying to explain that the secret decoder ring proclaimed to be inside a box wouldn't be of any use to them. He let Cameron put the sugary cereal in the cart and decided he'd be eating toast that week.
In the snack aisle, Derek stopped and stared.
"What is it?" Cameron asked him after a moment.
"They have Cheetos."
Cameron glanced at the shelf, then back at Derek. "Is that important?"
"When Skynet started the war, things were pretty scary before Kyle and I met John. At first, I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that I was older and had to take care of my little brother."
"One night we stumbled across a Frito-Lay truck, turned over on its side, the contents still in it. We snatched up as much as we could carry and stowed it back where we were hiding out. We went back and got another load before even opening the first bag. We ate those things for so many days that I thought my fingers would be permanently stained orange and I swore I'd never eat them again. Kyle didn't mind, though. He loved them. Years after, he'd still talk about how he'd like to have some again. "
"Kyle never knew that the second night, I went back to get another case. I needed to make sure my brother stayed fed. Someone else had discovered the truck and he didn't take kindly to my wanting a case. It was the first time I ever..." Derek's voice trailed off as he stared at the rows and rows of snacks.
Cameron plucked a bag off the shelf and put it in the cart. "John might like them," she said.
Derek nodded, then pushed the cart onward.
* *
Upon entering the fruit section, Derek closed his eyes and sniffed, taking in the deep delicious scents. Opening his eyes, he headed straight toward the apples and gathered up an enormous armful. Some spilled out, falling back onto the pile while others hit the ground and began to roll.
"Do you know what these are?" Derek asked Cameron.
"Those are apples."
"Right! Apples! Tons of them." Derek poured his armload into the cart.
"Red delicious," Cameron said, reading the sign next to it, then picking up an apple to exam it. "It says they are sweet and juicy."
"They'll all taste sweet to me."
"How do they know that they are sweet and juicy unless each one has been tested?"
Derek didn't answer. His attention had been caught by something else in the store.
"Look! Pears!" He busily stowed pears into the cart before noticing that Cameron had not followed him. Looking around, he saw her still next to the apples. Picking one of them up, she squeezed it, causing the juice to dribble out until there was nothing much left of the apple. She then placed it next to the remains of three other apples that she'd already squeezed. Quickly, Derek returned to her side.
"What are you doing?" he hissed.
"Evaluating the level of juice content in these apples." She picked up the mangled remains of an apple and handed it to him. "This one was the juiciest."
"Gee, thanks," he muttered sarcastically, taking it from her and hiding it under a couple of pears in the cart.
"You are welcome," Cameron answered.
He began to push the cart away when he noticed a mother with her two small children, all of whom were staring at Cameron.
"She's a vegetarian," Derek explained.
The mother relaxed and smiled her understanding.
* * *
Derek made a face at the list and then handed the paper to Cameron. "You can get the next item."
Cameron looked at what Sarah had written, then up at Derek. "Why do you wish for me to retrieve it?"
"Because you're female." When Cameron continued to stare at him, he added, "At least you look like you are. I've never used those things so I don't know anything about them."
"I have never used them, either."
Letting out a huff of breath, Derek conceded her point. "Fine. We'll do it together."
They walked to the correct aisle and stared at the merchandise.
"Why are some scented and others non-scented?" Cameron asked. "Why do some have wings?"
"Hell if I know," Derek said. "We'd better get one of each."
They were halfway through getting one of every type on the shelf when they were interrupted.
"Excuse me." A bleached-blonde in her forties approached them until her cart was next to theirs. "Would you like some help?"
Derek glanced at Cameron who returned it.
"Um... okay," Derek answered the woman. "We're not sure what we should get and could use some advice."
The woman glanced over at Cameron, then pointed to a package. "That one should work fine." She smiled up at Derek. "It can be confusing for young girls. Her mother isn't around, I take it?"
"I don't have a mother," Cameron volunteered.
"Oh, that's too bad," the woman said, not sounding a bit sad. Her gaze roamed over Derek. "It's a good thing she has such an understanding father."
"What? I'm not her dad!"
"She's your sister?"
Derek shook his head.
"Cousin?" The woman asked. "Niece?"
"We're not related at all. We just live together."
The woman's eyes widened for a moment before they narrowed. "You with a young girl like that. You should be ashamed of yourself." She quickly pushed her cart past them.
"You don't understand," Derek yelled after the woman. "I don't even like her."
"Perhaps we should purchase this kind instead," Cameron said, studying one of the packages. "It says that it offers maximum protection." She looked at Derek. "If it protects, should we get John some, too?"
* * *
Derek tried to swing around the woman giving out juice samples, not wanting a repeat of the earlier incident, but this time Cameron wanted to try some.
Picking up one of the Dixie cups on the tray, Cameron drank the juice down. She picked up a second cup and drank it down, too. When she picked up her third cup, the woman behind the display spoke up.
"It's good, isn't it?" She tried handing a coupon to Cameron. "With this coupon, you get thirty cents off."
Cameron finished her juice, then picked up a fourth cup.
"Please, dear," the woman said, giving a nervous laugh. "We must leave some for the other customers."
"We need to buy this juice," Cameron said to Derek. "John would like this juice," she continued as she picked up a fifth cup.
"Fine, fine," Derek said, tugging on her arm. "We'll buy a carton of juice. Why don't we go get it now?"
"Sarah would like it, too." Cameron said, then picked up the sixth and final cup on the tray. "We need two cartons."
"Then we'll get two cartons."
Cameron looked at the empty tray then up at the woman. "You are out of juice."
"Come on," Derek said, tugging on Carmeron's arm harder and this time managing to pull her away a few feet
"Don't worry, dear," the woman said cheerfully, now that Cameron was leaving. "You didn't manage to drink it all. I'll go and fetch some more in a minute."
Cameron nodded. "I'll be back."
The woman looked a bit faint at the prospect.
* * *
They were in line to pay at the cash register when Cameron pulled a Cosmo magazine out of the rack.
"Put that back," Derek told her.
Cameron pointed to the front cover. "There are little touches that he will love you more for. I need to learn this."
"That article's crap."
"No. It is guy-tested," Cameron said. "It says so."
"You can always test it on me, honey," the man standing behind Cameron in line said.
She turned to face the complete stranger. "Would you also tell me why my boobs act weird?"
The man sputtered.
Derek grabbed the magazine from Cameron and tossed it into the cart. "Why don't you help bag the groceries?" he suggested.
Nodding, she moved in front of the cart.
"Don't mind her," Derek said to the other customer while desperately trying to think of a way to explain Cameron's odd behavior. "She's... um... she's a vegetarian."
"Ah," said the man in understanding.
* * *
As they exited the store, Derek passed the red SUV sitting in the middle of the lane instead of its spot. The owner was trying to explain to a cop how it must have rolled out of its space despite the area being flat and the parking brake being on.
When he glanced over at Cameron, she gave him a blank look back.
They loaded the groceries into the car, then Derek hurriedly slid into the driver's seat.
He breathed a sigh of relief. At least on the way home he wouldn't have to worry about being killed.
"The air pressure in the left front tire is low," Cameron said as he began to drive. "The speed limit for the parking lot is fifteen miles an hour. You are going seventeen point seven. You need to slow down. Be alerted that a gray Honda Accord is preparing to pull out on your right."
Now Derek had to worry about how to keep from killing Cameron on the way home, instead.
The End
Author: mahaliem
Fandom: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Pairing: gen, Derek, Cameron
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2,459
Summary: Derek and Cameron go grocery shopping.
Notes: Written for chase_acow and the Sarah Connor Chronicles Flash Fiction and Art Challenge Prompt - Present day humor. I can only imagine what kind of wacky hi-jinx go on between the unlikely housemates. Derek just killed me using Sarah's toothbrush, and the shower scene was awesome. Don't tell me that it's all smooth sailing between John and Cameron either.
If it weren't for the help and ideas from svmadelyn and my wonderful, amazing beta myownghost this story probably wouldn't have happened. Thank you so much to both of you.
The Stuff of Life
Derek was used to putting his life on the line. Fighting Skynet. Protecting Kyle. Going back in time. He'd always figured that someday a Terminator would kill him. He'd just never thought a Terminator would do it by being a bad driver.
"Watch out!" Derek shouted. A loud horn blared behind them.
"We had one point eight seconds to spare," Cameron said.
"We had one point eight seconds between us making it around that truck and being a smear in the road."
Cameron turned to look at him instead of the traffic. "I would not smear."
"You pull a stunt like that again and I'm likely to do my best to find out if that's true."
He started mentally listing ways he could do it when Cameron went from forty-five miles an hour to zero to stop at a light, causing the tires to squeal, the tail of the car to skid, and for Derek to be thrown forward against the seatbelt.
* * *
It was all Sarah's fault he was in this predicament in the first place. She'd been intent on talking to Miles Dyson's widow again and insisted on going alone.
Derek had scowled at her. "You expect us to just sit here and wait?"
"No. John needs to do his homework."
"I did it already," Cameron said, causing John, who was standing next to her, to wince at her honesty.
"As I said, John needs to do it. As for the two of you," Sarah told Derek and Cameron, "There's a list of things we need on the counter."
After Sarah walked out the door, Derek moved to pick up the paper, then swore.
"What is it?" John asked. "Weapons? Explosives?"
"No," Derek answered. "Groceries."
* * *
"That man took the space I was planning to use," Cameron said.
Derek looked at where a bright red SUV was parking. "There are other spaces."
"But I was waiting for that one."
"He got there first. There's nothing you can do about it. And you can't kill him," he added quickly for good measure.
After Cameron found another spot and parked the car, Derek hopped out and headed for the store, not bothering to wait for her. Grabbing a cart, he pushed it through the automatic doors, went several yards inside, then stopped short.
He was still staring at the glorious sight when Cameron caught up with him.
"What is it?" Cameron asked.
"Look at all that food."
"This is a grocery store. It is logical that it should contain food."
"There was never much food to go around while fighting Skynet. After we came back in time, my team and I were mainly living on fast food. Now it's whatever Sarah's burning. It's been a while since I've seen so much food in one place."
"Why does it matter? You can only consume so much food at a time."
There were some things a Terminator would never understand. Derek decided that going hungry was one of them.
* * *
At the end of the first aisle, where they'd chosen meats based on what might taste better overcooked, they found a table with a portable stove on it. Behind the table was a slender woman wearing an apron and a fake smile.
Before they could get past her, she spotted them. "Would you like to try some of Sammy's Sizzling Sausages?"
"No," Cameron answered.
The woman's smile faltered momentarily, before it came back, brighter than ever.
"They're low in cholesterol, and this week you can buy two packages for the price of one." The woman held out a toothpick that had a slice of sausage impaled on it. "Doesn't it look tasty?"
Cameron stared at the skewered meat then back at the woman. "No," she answered.
Derek reached past Cameron to take the proffered slice. "She's a vegetarian," he lied before shoving the piece of sausage into his mouth.
"Ah," the woman nodded in understanding. "That explains things."
Giving the woman a tight-lipped smile, Derek grabbed Cameron by the arm and pulled her away.
"She was threatening me," Cameron told him.
"What?"
"To maintain the integrity of our organic components, we need to take in a minimal amount of food. The preservatives and additives in that sausage, were I to eat it, might have damaged my system."
"There's a thought," Derek said. "We could force-feed Terminators junk food to kill them. It would be like War of the Worlds and bacteria, only it would be McDonalds that saves the world."
"It would not kill us. However, our skin would slough off, our eyes would--"
"Okay, I get it. But she wasn't trying to hurt you. There was nothing more harmful than this toothpick," Derek said, brandishing the small stick he still held in his hand.
Cameron looked at it, then at him. "I could kill you with that."
Derek hastily found a trash can to drop the toothpick in before continuing the shopping.
* * *
Derek plucked a bag of coffee off the shelf, eyed the tea for a moment before grabbing a box of tea bags, then moved on to the bread aisle. He snatched up two loaves of bread and manfully ignored Cameron's question about English Muffins and why nooks and crannies were important.
In the cereal aisle, he gave up trying to explain that the secret decoder ring proclaimed to be inside a box wouldn't be of any use to them. He let Cameron put the sugary cereal in the cart and decided he'd be eating toast that week.
In the snack aisle, Derek stopped and stared.
"What is it?" Cameron asked him after a moment.
"They have Cheetos."
Cameron glanced at the shelf, then back at Derek. "Is that important?"
"When Skynet started the war, things were pretty scary before Kyle and I met John. At first, I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that I was older and had to take care of my little brother."
"One night we stumbled across a Frito-Lay truck, turned over on its side, the contents still in it. We snatched up as much as we could carry and stowed it back where we were hiding out. We went back and got another load before even opening the first bag. We ate those things for so many days that I thought my fingers would be permanently stained orange and I swore I'd never eat them again. Kyle didn't mind, though. He loved them. Years after, he'd still talk about how he'd like to have some again. "
"Kyle never knew that the second night, I went back to get another case. I needed to make sure my brother stayed fed. Someone else had discovered the truck and he didn't take kindly to my wanting a case. It was the first time I ever..." Derek's voice trailed off as he stared at the rows and rows of snacks.
Cameron plucked a bag off the shelf and put it in the cart. "John might like them," she said.
Derek nodded, then pushed the cart onward.
* *
Upon entering the fruit section, Derek closed his eyes and sniffed, taking in the deep delicious scents. Opening his eyes, he headed straight toward the apples and gathered up an enormous armful. Some spilled out, falling back onto the pile while others hit the ground and began to roll.
"Do you know what these are?" Derek asked Cameron.
"Those are apples."
"Right! Apples! Tons of them." Derek poured his armload into the cart.
"Red delicious," Cameron said, reading the sign next to it, then picking up an apple to exam it. "It says they are sweet and juicy."
"They'll all taste sweet to me."
"How do they know that they are sweet and juicy unless each one has been tested?"
Derek didn't answer. His attention had been caught by something else in the store.
"Look! Pears!" He busily stowed pears into the cart before noticing that Cameron had not followed him. Looking around, he saw her still next to the apples. Picking one of them up, she squeezed it, causing the juice to dribble out until there was nothing much left of the apple. She then placed it next to the remains of three other apples that she'd already squeezed. Quickly, Derek returned to her side.
"What are you doing?" he hissed.
"Evaluating the level of juice content in these apples." She picked up the mangled remains of an apple and handed it to him. "This one was the juiciest."
"Gee, thanks," he muttered sarcastically, taking it from her and hiding it under a couple of pears in the cart.
"You are welcome," Cameron answered.
He began to push the cart away when he noticed a mother with her two small children, all of whom were staring at Cameron.
"She's a vegetarian," Derek explained.
The mother relaxed and smiled her understanding.
* * *
Derek made a face at the list and then handed the paper to Cameron. "You can get the next item."
Cameron looked at what Sarah had written, then up at Derek. "Why do you wish for me to retrieve it?"
"Because you're female." When Cameron continued to stare at him, he added, "At least you look like you are. I've never used those things so I don't know anything about them."
"I have never used them, either."
Letting out a huff of breath, Derek conceded her point. "Fine. We'll do it together."
They walked to the correct aisle and stared at the merchandise.
"Why are some scented and others non-scented?" Cameron asked. "Why do some have wings?"
"Hell if I know," Derek said. "We'd better get one of each."
They were halfway through getting one of every type on the shelf when they were interrupted.
"Excuse me." A bleached-blonde in her forties approached them until her cart was next to theirs. "Would you like some help?"
Derek glanced at Cameron who returned it.
"Um... okay," Derek answered the woman. "We're not sure what we should get and could use some advice."
The woman glanced over at Cameron, then pointed to a package. "That one should work fine." She smiled up at Derek. "It can be confusing for young girls. Her mother isn't around, I take it?"
"I don't have a mother," Cameron volunteered.
"Oh, that's too bad," the woman said, not sounding a bit sad. Her gaze roamed over Derek. "It's a good thing she has such an understanding father."
"What? I'm not her dad!"
"She's your sister?"
Derek shook his head.
"Cousin?" The woman asked. "Niece?"
"We're not related at all. We just live together."
The woman's eyes widened for a moment before they narrowed. "You with a young girl like that. You should be ashamed of yourself." She quickly pushed her cart past them.
"You don't understand," Derek yelled after the woman. "I don't even like her."
"Perhaps we should purchase this kind instead," Cameron said, studying one of the packages. "It says that it offers maximum protection." She looked at Derek. "If it protects, should we get John some, too?"
* * *
Derek tried to swing around the woman giving out juice samples, not wanting a repeat of the earlier incident, but this time Cameron wanted to try some.
Picking up one of the Dixie cups on the tray, Cameron drank the juice down. She picked up a second cup and drank it down, too. When she picked up her third cup, the woman behind the display spoke up.
"It's good, isn't it?" She tried handing a coupon to Cameron. "With this coupon, you get thirty cents off."
Cameron finished her juice, then picked up a fourth cup.
"Please, dear," the woman said, giving a nervous laugh. "We must leave some for the other customers."
"We need to buy this juice," Cameron said to Derek. "John would like this juice," she continued as she picked up a fifth cup.
"Fine, fine," Derek said, tugging on her arm. "We'll buy a carton of juice. Why don't we go get it now?"
"Sarah would like it, too." Cameron said, then picked up the sixth and final cup on the tray. "We need two cartons."
"Then we'll get two cartons."
Cameron looked at the empty tray then up at the woman. "You are out of juice."
"Come on," Derek said, tugging on Carmeron's arm harder and this time managing to pull her away a few feet
"Don't worry, dear," the woman said cheerfully, now that Cameron was leaving. "You didn't manage to drink it all. I'll go and fetch some more in a minute."
Cameron nodded. "I'll be back."
The woman looked a bit faint at the prospect.
* * *
They were in line to pay at the cash register when Cameron pulled a Cosmo magazine out of the rack.
"Put that back," Derek told her.
Cameron pointed to the front cover. "There are little touches that he will love you more for. I need to learn this."
"That article's crap."
"No. It is guy-tested," Cameron said. "It says so."
"You can always test it on me, honey," the man standing behind Cameron in line said.
She turned to face the complete stranger. "Would you also tell me why my boobs act weird?"
The man sputtered.
Derek grabbed the magazine from Cameron and tossed it into the cart. "Why don't you help bag the groceries?" he suggested.
Nodding, she moved in front of the cart.
"Don't mind her," Derek said to the other customer while desperately trying to think of a way to explain Cameron's odd behavior. "She's... um... she's a vegetarian."
"Ah," said the man in understanding.
* * *
As they exited the store, Derek passed the red SUV sitting in the middle of the lane instead of its spot. The owner was trying to explain to a cop how it must have rolled out of its space despite the area being flat and the parking brake being on.
When he glanced over at Cameron, she gave him a blank look back.
They loaded the groceries into the car, then Derek hurriedly slid into the driver's seat.
He breathed a sigh of relief. At least on the way home he wouldn't have to worry about being killed.
"The air pressure in the left front tire is low," Cameron said as he began to drive. "The speed limit for the parking lot is fifteen miles an hour. You are going seventeen point seven. You need to slow down. Be alerted that a gray Honda Accord is preparing to pull out on your right."
Now Derek had to worry about how to keep from killing Cameron on the way home, instead.
The End