Badfic Summary Ficathon Story
This was my fic for the badfic summary ficathon. If you haven't read the stories at svmadelyn's lj, you really, really should. The ficathon is HERE
Summary: -- Lex writes a poem and then leaves a trail of candy hearts from his doorstep to Clark's. When Clark is to busy milking the cows to come talk to him, Lex criez. Based on Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
Summary written by: estrella30
Eclipse of the Hearts
-----Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild-----
Lex had to face the truth. His friendship with Clark was over. Unfortunately, he still had feelings for him. Feelings that came from below the waist.
He approached Clark with the idea.
"I don't like you Clark, but I still want you."
Clark looked at him blankly. "Want me to do what?
As Clark wandered out to the fields where the cows were, Lex decided it was fortunate that he wasn't attracted to Clark because of his brain.
----- And I need you now tonight-----
In Lana's apartment, under the guise of being her landlord and needing to inspect it for repairs, Lex prodded Lana for ways to pursue Clark. It satisfied some dark place in his soul to use Clark's girlfriend for this purpose.
"Valentines Day is coming up," he said casually. "Are you doing anything special for Clark?"
"He's pretty romantic. I thought I might light a thousand candles and we could listen to music."
"Hmmm." That was probably the stupidest thing Lex had ever heard. Teenage guys didn't like candles, they liked sex. But Clark always had been different.
"Do you have any idea what Clark's getting you?" Lex asked.
Lana giggled annoyingly. "Chloe did tell me that he's been scouring poetry books."
Poetry. Lex decided he could do that.
The next day Lex waited impatiently, wondering what Clark would think of the poem he'd written to him.
He'd spent hours working on it. He'd poured out his most heartfelt feelings for Clark so thoroughly and so expansively that he'd had to go to the bathroom twice to jerk off.
Finally, when Clark didn't call, Lex broke down and called him. After a few remarks from Clark about his evilness which Lex had replied to snidely, he got down to business.
"Did you get the poem I sent you?"
"Yes."
"What did you think?"
"What am I suppose to think? You wrote it in Latin."
"Naturally. Ancient Greek was too unwieldy."
"I don't read Latin," Clark answered. "Now excuse me but I have chores to do. The cows don't feed themselves, you know."
Curses, Lex thought as he hung up the phone. His dastardly plan to lure Clark to his bed had been foiled.
Foiled by the abysmal educational system in this country and cows.
----- And if you'll only hold me tight-----
"So you think Clark is going to give you chocolate, too?"
Lex had cleverly insinuated his way back into Lana's apartment by telling her he was checking for a gas leak. Lana wouldn't want to light those candles and go 'boom' now would she?
Lana bobbed her head in reply then looked at Lex speculatively. "My favorite's Godiva, if you're interested."
"And what chocolate does Clark like?"
"He doesn't like chocolate. He's more into those sugary little hearts. You know, the ones that have those sayings on them."
A few minutes later on his way to his car, Lex dialed his assistant. "Connect me with the President of Necco. I'd like to order some conversation hearts with special sayings on them"
He thought for a moment, then added.
"Also, create a gas leak in the apartment over the Talon."
----- And I need you more than ever-----
Two days later, Lex contacted Jamieson, the head of his security team.
"Is it all set up?"
"Yes, sir. There's now a trail of candy hearts leading from the Kent farm to your bedroom."
LuthorCorp paid Jamieson enough to keep any emotion from appearing on his face as he made this pronouncement.
"Good."
"Sir, the candy may attract animals. What are your instructions?"
Lex thought for a moment. "Scare them off. If that doesn't work, shoot tranquilizer darts."
"And if the candy attracts someone other than Clark Kent? Jonathan Kent, for example?"
Lex smiled. "Then shoot to kill."
-----But now there's only love in the dark-----
Lex lay naked on his bed holding a bag of candy hearts. After two hours it occurred to him that this plan may not have worked. Laying the bag aside, he reached over to the nightstand and dug under the pile of condoms and flavored lube he'd piled there until he retrieved the phone.
"Jamieson, what's the situation? Is Clark headed this way yet?"
"Negative, sir. It seems as though he's doing chores."
"Chores!"
Quickly Lex hung up and called Clark.
"Clark," he said after the phone had been answered. "Haven't you noticed that there's a line of candy hearts leading down the lane and away from the farm."
"How'd you know about them?" Clark asked.
"Never mind how I know. Why haven't you followed them yet?"
"I'm not interested."
"Not interested!" How cruel was the rejection of Lex's co... courtship.
Clark continued, "The hearts must be like some strange version of a help wanted sign. All the ones I read were advertising jobs.
"Clark," Lex said slowly, "I think hand jobs and blow jobs aren't what you think they are."
"Doesn't matter. I'm too busy here at the farm." There was a pause. "I have to go. The cows don't milk themselves, you know."
Lex stared at the phone for a moment, before hanging up. Foiled by cows again. He was not going to cry. He was not going to cry.
Damn it. He was. And that just pissed him off.
Grabbing the package of candy hearts from the bed, he clenched it in his fist. Hearts shattered and crumbled.
Clark would pay for not coming to him. The world would pay and pay dearly.
And the cows would be the first against the wall.
The End
Summary: -- Lex writes a poem and then leaves a trail of candy hearts from his doorstep to Clark's. When Clark is to busy milking the cows to come talk to him, Lex criez. Based on Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart."
Summary written by: estrella30
Eclipse of the Hearts
-----Every now and then I get a little bit restless and I dream of something wild-----
Lex had to face the truth. His friendship with Clark was over. Unfortunately, he still had feelings for him. Feelings that came from below the waist.
He approached Clark with the idea.
"I don't like you Clark, but I still want you."
Clark looked at him blankly. "Want me to do what?
As Clark wandered out to the fields where the cows were, Lex decided it was fortunate that he wasn't attracted to Clark because of his brain.
----- And I need you now tonight-----
In Lana's apartment, under the guise of being her landlord and needing to inspect it for repairs, Lex prodded Lana for ways to pursue Clark. It satisfied some dark place in his soul to use Clark's girlfriend for this purpose.
"Valentines Day is coming up," he said casually. "Are you doing anything special for Clark?"
"He's pretty romantic. I thought I might light a thousand candles and we could listen to music."
"Hmmm." That was probably the stupidest thing Lex had ever heard. Teenage guys didn't like candles, they liked sex. But Clark always had been different.
"Do you have any idea what Clark's getting you?" Lex asked.
Lana giggled annoyingly. "Chloe did tell me that he's been scouring poetry books."
Poetry. Lex decided he could do that.
The next day Lex waited impatiently, wondering what Clark would think of the poem he'd written to him.
He'd spent hours working on it. He'd poured out his most heartfelt feelings for Clark so thoroughly and so expansively that he'd had to go to the bathroom twice to jerk off.
Finally, when Clark didn't call, Lex broke down and called him. After a few remarks from Clark about his evilness which Lex had replied to snidely, he got down to business.
"Did you get the poem I sent you?"
"Yes."
"What did you think?"
"What am I suppose to think? You wrote it in Latin."
"Naturally. Ancient Greek was too unwieldy."
"I don't read Latin," Clark answered. "Now excuse me but I have chores to do. The cows don't feed themselves, you know."
Curses, Lex thought as he hung up the phone. His dastardly plan to lure Clark to his bed had been foiled.
Foiled by the abysmal educational system in this country and cows.
----- And if you'll only hold me tight-----
"So you think Clark is going to give you chocolate, too?"
Lex had cleverly insinuated his way back into Lana's apartment by telling her he was checking for a gas leak. Lana wouldn't want to light those candles and go 'boom' now would she?
Lana bobbed her head in reply then looked at Lex speculatively. "My favorite's Godiva, if you're interested."
"And what chocolate does Clark like?"
"He doesn't like chocolate. He's more into those sugary little hearts. You know, the ones that have those sayings on them."
A few minutes later on his way to his car, Lex dialed his assistant. "Connect me with the President of Necco. I'd like to order some conversation hearts with special sayings on them"
He thought for a moment, then added.
"Also, create a gas leak in the apartment over the Talon."
----- And I need you more than ever-----
Two days later, Lex contacted Jamieson, the head of his security team.
"Is it all set up?"
"Yes, sir. There's now a trail of candy hearts leading from the Kent farm to your bedroom."
LuthorCorp paid Jamieson enough to keep any emotion from appearing on his face as he made this pronouncement.
"Good."
"Sir, the candy may attract animals. What are your instructions?"
Lex thought for a moment. "Scare them off. If that doesn't work, shoot tranquilizer darts."
"And if the candy attracts someone other than Clark Kent? Jonathan Kent, for example?"
Lex smiled. "Then shoot to kill."
-----But now there's only love in the dark-----
Lex lay naked on his bed holding a bag of candy hearts. After two hours it occurred to him that this plan may not have worked. Laying the bag aside, he reached over to the nightstand and dug under the pile of condoms and flavored lube he'd piled there until he retrieved the phone.
"Jamieson, what's the situation? Is Clark headed this way yet?"
"Negative, sir. It seems as though he's doing chores."
"Chores!"
Quickly Lex hung up and called Clark.
"Clark," he said after the phone had been answered. "Haven't you noticed that there's a line of candy hearts leading down the lane and away from the farm."
"How'd you know about them?" Clark asked.
"Never mind how I know. Why haven't you followed them yet?"
"I'm not interested."
"Not interested!" How cruel was the rejection of Lex's co... courtship.
Clark continued, "The hearts must be like some strange version of a help wanted sign. All the ones I read were advertising jobs.
"Clark," Lex said slowly, "I think hand jobs and blow jobs aren't what you think they are."
"Doesn't matter. I'm too busy here at the farm." There was a pause. "I have to go. The cows don't milk themselves, you know."
Lex stared at the phone for a moment, before hanging up. Foiled by cows again. He was not going to cry. He was not going to cry.
Damn it. He was. And that just pissed him off.
Grabbing the package of candy hearts from the bed, he clenched it in his fist. Hearts shattered and crumbled.
Clark would pay for not coming to him. The world would pay and pay dearly.
And the cows would be the first against the wall.
The End