Mo Chuisle Mo Chroí Chapter 5/?
Mo Chuisle Mo Chroí Chapter 5/?
Mo Chuisle Mo Chroí is a Gaelic term of endearment meaning Pulse of my Heart. Pronounced mu khwish-la muh cree
Author: Magos186
Summary: On the verge of losing Justin, Brian decides to take him away. Can the two find their way back together while they're away from "helpful" suggestions from their family? Or will Justin disappear on him once they return...
This is a season 2 AU.
Word Count: 1,919
Disclaimer: I don’t own them. Closest I come is the dvd. They’re just fun to play with.
As soon as Tommy left the room, Brian’s shoulders slumped and he sat down heavily on the bed. “Why so sad my Mickey?” Brianna asked gently.
“Mámó, is there something wrong with me?” Brian asked in a little boy voice. “Am I cursed?”
“Of course you’re not cursed! How could you think such a thing?”
“It’s just-every time I find happiness, it gets taken away. I was happy here with you, but then you got sick and I had to go back to Pittsburgh. Then with Justin-after my failed scarfing attempt I realized that I did-ya know-”
“Love him?” Brianna supplied.
“Yeah… So I went to his prom. Mámó, we were so fucking happy. It was the best night of both our lives. He walked me down to my car and was gonna meet me at the loft after he took his friend home. I was gonna tell him how I felt. But then-” Brian’s eyes misted over as he curled in on himself in an attempt to protect himself from the memories.
“Shh,” Brianna whispered as she sat down next to him, wrapping her arms tight around her grandson. “It’s alright mo ghrá (my love). You don’t have to say it. I know.”
“I just don’t understand,” he said, his voice tired and defeated. “How can he think that I don’t-just because I can’t say the words? If I didn’t é ghrá, would I have stayed outside his hospital room every night to make sure he was okay? Would I have been so patient with him when he couldn’t be touched? Would I have held his hand when he was out in public because he was afraid of the crowds? Would I have helped him get over that fear, and the fear of people, of touching? If I didn’t love him, would I hold him, comfort him, let him cry on my shoulder every time he has a panic attack or wakes up from a nightmare? I just-I wish he could see me again. Ever since he got hurt, he hasn’t been able to read me like he used to. He hasn’t been able to see through all my bullshit and posturing. He can’t see me anymore Mámó and it scares me. I almost lost him…twice. I can’t take it if I lose him for good.”
“But you haven’t lost him yet. The fact that he came here with you shows me that he wants to try to fix what’s wrong between you. I’m promise I’m going to help you both. I will do everything I can to make this better for you Mickey,” she vowed as she pulled her grandson down to lie on the bed. She held him tight in her arms, gently singing Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ral as her fingers stroked through his hair. In no time, Brian was sleeping more deeply than he had in months, secure with the knowledge that he was loved and safe and that his Mámó would once again make everything better.
~~~~~~~~~~~
After Tommy finished with Justin, the blond wandered around the house a bit before he found his way to the porch outside where he sat on the bench swing. He had a lot to think about. He knew Tommy was right, about a lot of things. He also knew the Irishman had every right to defend his cousin. He was like Brian’s big brother. Being a big brother himself, Justin knew he’d probably react the same way if his little sister was ever in a similar situation. He was mature enough to admit, if only to himself, that he’d handled things horribly these past few months. He had known all along who Brian was…even confessed that he didn’t expect Brian to change. So why was he wanting the opposite of what he said?
“Justin?” A voice called, breaking him from his thoughts. The blond turned his head to see Brianna standing in the doorway. “What are you doing out here?”
“Would you believe me if I said hiding?”
“From who? Tommy?”
“Actually he already talked to me.”
“You’re not hiding from me are ya? I wouldn’t hurt you.”
“I know…I guess…I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking about everything-like what Tommy said-what Brian said.”
“What Brian said? You didn’t-”
“I overhead you talking. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. I was just wandering around the house and I stopped when I heard his voice. He was right about everything. Ever since I got out of the hospital-I haven’t been able to read him like I used to. If I could, I would have seen that everything he did showed me how much he loved me. All those things he told you-if he didn’t love me, he never would have done them.”
“I’m glad you heard us. Now I won’t have to repeat everything he said,” Brianna replied with a small smile. “Justin, you are a very special boy. My Mickey…my Mickey has had a very hard life. His parents…well I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but his father was a poor excuse for a human being. And his mother…I honestly don’t know how something so spiteful ever came from my womb. She was such a good, loving child, but what she’s done to her son…I don’t know how on earth you can look your own child in the eyes and tell him that he’s going to burn in hell. If he was a murderer, maybe then I could understand, but to say that to him just because he’s in love with a man…I may be a Catholic, but I don’t care what the bible says. I believe in soul mates. I believe that every person has someone out there they are meant to be with. And when you find that person, regardless of age or race or gender, you know in an instant that that’s the person you’re meant to be with. Mickey’s told me how you two met. He told me that when he saw you standing there, he was drawn to you for some reason he couldn’t explain. His soul was being drawn to its mate. And when you got hurt…my boy was so broken. You were hurt so bad and he didn’t know how to help you. He couldn’t help you. He just had to wait and have faith. And we both know how much faith he has.”
“He never…all that time I was in the hospital and I didn’t see him, I thought it was because he didn’t want me anymore. I wasn’t perfect anymore. He could have gone out and found another young, blond twink to take my place. He could have had his pick of anyone. Hell he does have his pick of anyone. And all this time he’s been sleeping with guys who are hot, built…guys who are perfect; not guys with brain damage and a bad hand.”
“But every night he comes home to a guy with brain damage and a bad hand. Justin, I know that Brian’s tricking bothers you, but you know it means nothing to him. With you, the sex always means something. When he tricks, it’s not because he doesn’t want you. It’s because he needs a break from those emotions. With the other men, he doesn’t have to feel anything. He doesn’t have to think. He’s never dealt well with emotions, courtesy of his upbringing. Mickey wants to be faithful. He’s tired of all the other men. Of having to have his walls up all the time. He just doesn’t know how to stop. And his so called friends certainly aren’t helping him.
“Justin, you are the first person who has seen the real Brian Kinney. You see the face he presents to the world, and yet somehow you’ve always been able to see the real him underneath all that. All those times he tried to turn you away and yet you continued to go after him. You didn’t see a cold, hardened man. You saw someone worth loving; someone who is caring and generous-someone who takes care of those around him, regardless of what they think of him. No one, aside from Tommy and me has ever seen that side of him. No one else has been able to see that side of him. Everyone sees what they want to. Michael sees a superhero. Lindsay sees her prince charming. But you-you see the real Brian. You don’t thrust your expectations upon him.”
“Yes I do,” Justin argued.
“No child, you don’t. You tell him what you want from him. You tell him you want commitment, monogamy, but you don’t force those upon him. You don’t force him to do things he does not wish to do. He is trying though. He wants a real relationship with you. He wants you with him always. He just doesn’t know how to keep you, especially now that you can’t read him anymore. But I promise that I will help you both. You came here, which shows me you don’t want to lose my boy and I know he doesn’t want to lose you. While my Mickey is here, all his walls will be down. He has never needed them here and he never will. You will come to see the real Brian again. I will help you two find your way.”
“I don’t want to lose him. I love him so much,” Justin confessed. “I just…ever since the bashing we’ve both been so broken…not physically, well I’m broken physically, but just…we don’t talk about it. No one wants to talk about it. I mean they see me doing the things I used to and it’s like they think I’m completely healed. Brian knows that’s not true. He’s the one who deals with me when my anger flares, when I have a panic attack, when I have a nightmare. I’m the one who deals with his nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night to find him with his head on my chest just listening to my heartbeat. We need help…we’re both just too stubborn to do anything about it.”
“Well that’s where you’re both very lucky. I didn’t fully introduce myself earlier. I’m Dr. Brianna Dunn, practicing psychologist. And the fact that you just admitted you both need help is definitely the first step. I will do everything in my power to help you both.”
“I thought it was unethical to treat your family.”
“Do you think I care about ethics? My Mickey is hurting and so is his partner and if I can help then you can bet I’m going to do something about it. I’m not going to sit on the sidelines and watch you both fall apart. Brian brought you here for a reason.
“Now,” Brianna said as she slapped her leg. “I think it’s time for bed. It’s been a long day and it’s getting quite late.”
“You’re probably right.”
“Of course I’m right,” she said with a wink and a smile. “Do you remember the way back to your room or do you need me to show you?”
“I remember. Goodnight Brianna. Thank you for listening.”
“Goodnight Justin. Get some sleep lad. Things will look better in the morning.”
The old woman sat there, watching as the blond walked back into the house. Things will be much better in the morning, she thought. My Mickey loves you so much Justin. You just don’t know it yet.
A/N: é ghrá means love him.
A/N2: I am truly sorry for the massive delay between the previous chapter and this one. I have been feeling extremely uninspired, which is why this chapter took so long. But I already have a decent idea of what’s going to happen in the next few chapters so it shouldn’t take me so long between postings again. Also, I know I said that you’d find out what happened with Ethan in this chapter, but I just couldn’t figure out how to work it in, but it will definitely be in the next chapter. Promise.