Comments | madain_sari: Zidane Tribal, Claim Fic 1

noa_swandriver in madain_sari

Zidane Tribal, Claim Fic 1

Nov 01, 2010 13:10

Title: Home At the Bottom of A Glass
Theme + Number: 12. Water, 15. Storm, 41. Memory, 35. Side by Side
Claim: Zidane Tribal
Characters/Pairings included: Freya Crescent
Rating: K
Warnings: None?
Summary: People go to Cafe Doom at night when they have no other place to go. Zidane frequents Cafe Doom only when he has to. And Freya? Well...
Note: Not ( Read more... )

Comments 4

freijya November 19 2010, 20:50:32 UTC

Oooh, this is nice. I really like your take on the characters (I'm a real sucker for both Zidane and Freya) and I like the style that you used in this piece. Only one little thing: "Freya spoke, still smiling, but didn't answer". Did she speak or did she not speak? Perhaps it'd be better if you clarified by saying she didn't answer the question or didn't speak at all.

This community has been pretty dead for awhile, but its good to see some new authors! I need to return to my Freya prompts soon. Happy writing!

noa_swandriver November 20 2010, 19:34:39 UTC

Thank you very much! Zidane and Freya are really awesome, as friends and individually. I'm happy you liked the way I wrote them.

And, um, concerning that one line, I meant to use it in the sense of "spoke, but didn't really answer the question posed by Zidane." Which, looking at that paragraph, doesn't actually fit. I'll have to take more consideration into my edits, I guess - thanks for the tip.

(And also re: returning to your Freya prompts, please do. There can never really be too much Freya fic. :) )

demishock November 22 2010, 04:07:46 UTC

Oooooh... ♥

I love especially how you wrote him as having to consciously NOT steal from her, like it's absolutely second-nature to him by now, and this line, I absolutely adore: No way was he going to let this be the last time they met; she was far too interesting to be just another pocket.

For the record, I did get the sense you were hoping for from that line where she spoke but didn't answer, although I did do a double-take before the meaning hit.

Looking forward to seeing more from you, oh yes! :)

And freijya's got it right; I need to get back in gear with my Amarant claim as well. @__@;

noa_swandriver November 22 2010, 18:44:53 UTC

I'll look forward to seeing more of your Amarant claims in the future, then - I'll have to read what you've already done. Not really sure why I haven't already, actually.

Thank you very much! <3 I'm flattered you liked it enough to have an apparent favorite line. Also, it's a relief to know I didn't flub the "spoke but didn't answer" line completely - thank you for telling me.