[FANFIC] Your Lullaby

[macymacymacy]

Title: Your Lullaby
Author: macy
Pairing: RyuuNon
Rating: PG??
Genre: Historical, Romance, Angst, Tragedy
AN:
-AU and OOC
-if One Liter of Tears is to Niini no Koto Wasurenaide, then Enna-chan (the historical part) is to this fic. :)
-everything relating to japanese history is made up. lols.
-unbetaed, superduper-rushed. only realized it's ryuu's birthday. /shot Happy Birthday Bunso~♥!
i actually also have a fic for  takaki's, keito's and other friends' birthdays but the plots are kinda complicated so yeah.
-ryuu is a bit demanding and straightforward here... well, because of his upbringing and who he is.





Kanon's POV

"What's your name?" That was the first thing he asked me when we first met.

I was very nervous then, I never thought a prince would direct a question at me, a mere servant's child.

I kept my head down as I said, "F-fukuda Kanon, Ryutaro-sama."

He was quiet for a moment and I waited.

"Raise your head." He said. Even though he was just eight years old, there was authority in his  voice. I did as I was told.

He stared right at me, scrutinizing me, it seems. I felt uncomfortable. But before I could look away, his expression soften and he gave me a smile.

"Can you be my friend?" He suddenly asked. "It's just, there are no other kids around here in the palace. Well, except for my brothers."

I was taken aback, but I managed to find my voice.

"I...I am only a servant's child."  I said.

He raised a brow at me, and I inevitably felt scared.

"Are you  opposing me?" He asked, cooly.

"No." I said hastily. "I apologize." I said bowing low.

Another pause and then he said, "Look at me."

Slowly, I raised my head and looked at him once more.

"Please be my friend?" He asked this time.

I didn't know what to do. I knew my place. I knew how different our worlds are and a friendship between a prince and a mere servant is unthinkable. But I also knew not to oppose the prince's wishes.

I was about to speak -what, I didn't know- but I was saved the necessity with the prince speaking once more.

"Let me correct myself." He said looking at me sternly. "I order you to be my friend." He said trying to look severe, but not quite managing it.

"Of course, tono." I decided to say. I can never object to a prince's direct order, even if I still think that a friendship between us is impossible. "I will do as you please." I said.

And then, he suddenly smiled looking very happy.

"My second order," He said, still grinning. "Call me Ryuu."

-

What he said was true. There weren't any other children in the palace except for myself and for the imperial princes. And unimaginably, we did became friends.

After our initial meeting, he had made to go by the servant's room to call me. He would lead me to their backyard and invite me to play with him. The first few times, I was as rigid as I have been the first time we talked but as time pass, I became more and more comfortable until I can finally acknowledge that yes, he is my friend.

It was an honor to be considered a friend by one of the imperial princes. I, whose whole family have served the Heisei clan for generation feel very much fortunate. Ryuu's friendship was something that could make me forget my exhaustion from work, my worries  about my mother. At the age of eleven, I have started serving the royal family as a kitchen girl in place of my mother who had fallen ill.

"I'm sorry..." I hear my mother murmur as I helped her lay down her futon. As my family have been loyal servants for years, the royal family had given the privelege for my mom to stay at the palace. That way, I could do my work as well as care for my mother. We are very grateful to the emperor.

"You don't have to apologize, mother." I told her, smiling. I kissed her on her forehead and started singing, just as she did to me when I was little. My mother smiled and started closing her eyes. I kept singing until she fell asleep.

I stood up catiously as I hear my mom's even breathing. I took the plates from which my mom ate her dinner and slowly went out of the room. I almost jumped at the sight of Ryuu. He was right in front of me.

"Was that you singing?" He asked immediately.

Still feeling my heart pounding at the fright, I slowly nodded.

And once again, he smiled at me.

"Can you sing for me?" He suddenly asked.

I was surprised, to say the least. I looked down the plates and then he said, "You can put that away later. Sing." He demanded.

I carefully put down the plate and awkwardly sat down the veranda. Ryuu followed, not taking his eyes away from me and looking expectant, still with that smile.

I took a deep breath and started singing.

It was weird as I sang.

I have never sang in front of anyone but my mom, but I felt so very comfortable when I sang for an uncharacteristically silent Ryuu. When I finished my song, the both of us kept silent until suddenly, Ryuu started gently clapping his hands, beaming at me.

"You have a beautiful voice." He said, barely a whisper. I didn't know why but I felt I ought not to break the silence as well as I whispered back, "Thank you."

-

I frowned when I finally found my best friend by the sakura tree in the garden by the south wing of the imperial palace.

I knew he was moping but I knew better than to try and comfort him, not directly at least. He hates to think anyone giving him pity, so to use his word. I knew how this came to be, of course. The emperor had forgotten all about his promise to ride with his youngest today. Ryuu had been talking about it for a fortnight.

I completely understand why he is saddened by what --others might think-- is a simple thing. Ryuu is a prince, the youngest of the ten imperial children. All his life, people had been watching him, scrutinizing him, comparing him with his brothers. We don't really talk much about his position but I knew... I understand how difficult it must be. I am after all, his friend. I knew his insecurities, how he feels overshadowed by his brothers. How he tries to please his father; how he thinks his father would never take pride in him, be impressed, because all his other brothers have already done everything.

So when I reached him and he purposely ignored me, I just sat down beside him and started singing.

After a while I felt his hand in mine. He was saying, 'I will be fine.'

-

Years passed quickly, and our friendship only grew deeper. Now though, at the age of thirteen, Ryuu was being even more closely watched. His training as a lord had started and he is expected to show the proper etiquette, gracefulness, and charm that of a prince.

Our friendship was, according to society, improper and so I never called him by his name anymore. He does not like it, and he tells me he wish he could talk to me in public like we used to but he knows as well as I do that it is better this way. We are strangers in the eyes of the whole empire.

But away from watching eyes and listening ears, we are just Ryuu and Kanon. When we are able, we meet by the sakura tree in the sound wing which is rarely visited by other than us.

It was  there that he, as he always does, took me by another surprise. During dinner, he had held a look with me as I served him. I knew what he meant. He wanted to talk. So, right after dinner, I had made my way to the south wing.

I had seen his silhoutte as I walked towards the garden. I saw him stood up at the sound of my steps and turned to face me. But it was too sudden what he did next. He suddenly tackled me into a fierce hug. I could feel the happiness bouncing out of him. I couldn't help but laugh.

"What is it? What happened?" I asked him stilil wrapped around his arms.

"It's silly, actually." He said, still not letting go of me. "But I'm just happy. Father said he'll bring me with him tomorrow. He said he thinks I'm ready to learn about court procedures. He said he's proud of me; said I really worked hard and that none my brothers were ready til they were fourteen, at least. He's also pleased because I won in our game of chess." He said all of these seemingly in one breath.

I hugged him back at this. "That's great." I said. "I'm so proud of you."

We were quiet for a while, staying the way we are. And then he said, "Thank you."

-

I was fourteen when she left me.

I knew it was coming, but it was still painful.

I was alone now. I would never see my mother again.

The emperor had granted her a simple burial and I am as grateful as ever. I don't think I can ever repay the royal family.

I didn't cry when she took her last breath in front of me. I didn't cry during her burial. I still haven't cry as I looked at the sakura tree which is now filled with pink blossoms.

I wasn't surprised when I felt an arm around me. I knew he would find me here. I didn't look at him, but I was thankful he was there.

And then, suddenly, for the first time. He started singing my song. The one I always sang for my mother and for him.

And that was when I broke. I cried and cried feeling my world shatter. Ryuu never let me go.

-

It was with great celebration when Kota-sama, the eldest prince, was wed with Tomomi of the Ogawa clan. And he is now to be lord of the eastern village.

The imperial palace was filled with guests of prominent clans. All of the palace servants was at hand to serve everyone. Everyone was so busy I felt guilty to leave when I noticed Ryuu walk out of the main hall, looking glum.

Worry took over guilt, though, and I silently slip out of  the hall and followed Ryuu. I wasn't surprise to see him making his way to the south wing.

I found him sitting on a branch of the sakura tree.

I made my way to the three. He was looking at the sky.

"Did something happened?" I askedhim.

He just shrugged. "Aniki got married."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I waited. I knew he'd tell me if there wass something bothering him.

We were quiet for a short while and then he heaved a sigh and jumped down the tree.

"I don't understand why there is a need of marriage." He said with another sigh.

I looked at him questioningly. I know he knew better than I do, but I answer anyway. "To preserve the royal line."

"I mean... well," He looked away. "Hikaru-nii told me that soon it will be me." He said softly. "Soon, I'll be bethroed to some princess..."

He looked angry but I can't be sure because he turned away from me.

"Well, what's wrong with that?" I told  him, just as softly. I knew my place. I knew it. I know I have no right to feel anything about the matter, except maybe happiness, for my friend. I am his friend, so that would be normal. But I don't feel happy at all. It took effort to keep smiling, and to keep my voice steady. "That means you'll be lord of your own village soon."

I saw him scowled, and he pick up a stone and threw it at the pond.

"If I have to be with someone, I want to at least know her --and not just by name--before giving her the rest of my life." He said as he threw another stone.

I laughed, trying to keep the conversation light. "What have you got against girls?"

I was glad to see his lips twitch.

"Well, they're girls." He said, in mock-disgust. "All they care about are clothes and jewelries."

I glared playfully at him.

"I don't mean you. You're not like a girl." He said in a teasing voice.

"What do you mean by that?" I said, pouting.

He shrugged and then he became serious once more. "Well, if I can choose who I'll be with til I die, I would choose you." He said, looking straight at me.

I was shocked. And I didn't really know what to say.

"I'm your friend." I was surprisedby my own words.

"Yes--"

"It can't be anything other than that. It's not proper."

"What if I don't care?"

"You know that can never be." I said softly.

He didn't reply for a very long while and we just stood there, looking away from each other.

"I'm not just a prince." He said in the silence. "And you're not just a servant."

But I am. I wanted to say but I knew that wouldn't placate Ryuu.

So I just smiled and moved a little closer to him. "Yeah..." I said in a whisper. "I'm not just a servant, I'm also your friend, I'm also your lullaby." I said and started singing softly so only he can hear.

After a while, he started smiling once more.

-

It's been weeks since I last talked to Ryuu. Weeks since that last talk in the south wing garden. Ryuu's attending more classes and training for when he became lord. We barely saw each other even though we are in the same roof.

I really wished I could see him tonight. It's his birthday tomorrow and there would be a celebration. I knew I wouldn't have a chance to greet him then. It seems impossible tonight though, I haven't even seen him the whole day.

Finally deciding to just greet him the chance I get, I made my way back to my room.

"Where have you been?" Understandably, I jumped at the words.

"Ryuu! You gave me a fright! What are you doing here?"

"Escaped." He said, grinning.

"Hurry and change into that and then we'll go." He said.

I opened the wrapper to find a very beautiful yukata. I gasped, feeling really overwhelmed now. I knew this must cost a fortune.

"Ryuu, this is-- I can't--"

"Change. I order you." He suddenly said, stern. He'd never used this since our first meeting and I was just as taken aback as then.

"Ryuu!" I try to say. "What's with you? Did something happened?"

"No, silly." He said calmly. "Just change, okay? I just want to go somewhere with you. We haven't seen each other for days."

"Go where?" I asked cautiously.

"To the festival, of course."

"But wouldn't you be missed?"

"They all think I'm in my room, sleeping. They know I hate it when I am disturbed so they wouldn't check on me, really." He said and before I could say another word he said, "Please? Think of this as your birthday gift to me."

I still felt overwhelmed but I just can't say 'no' to that. It seems he knows this too because he started grinning.

"I'll wait for you outside." He said and I couldn't do anything but sigh and do as I am told.

-

"You look beautiful." He said when I went out of my room in the yukata.

I didn't reply. I was feeling flushed. It was the first time for me to wear such a fine dress as it is the first time, I think, for Ryuu to wear commoner's clothes. He supposed it's unwise to present to everyone in the festival that the youngest prince is among them.

I was still feeling doubtful our daring even as we arrived in town. It was a comfort to see that no one seems to recognize Ryuu. Everyone was busy with the festivities.

"Look, there are sweets over there." Ryuu said and he took my hand and lead me to the stand.

Not much time later, all the worries I had have vanished. The only thing important is that I am here with Ryuu, not as a prince and a servant but just as that: Ryuu and Kanon, having fun.

It was the first time I ever felt like this. I just feel happy and relieve. It was the first time I felt that I really am with Ryuu. It was the first time that there doesn't seem to be any wall between us. We are just ourselves, we are together, and we are happy.

I knew, looking at Ryuu, that he felt the same way I did.

When the people started gathering in the plaza for the fireworks display, Ryuu had pulled me out to the streets towards the palace. There were no other people there.

"I think we can watch from here." He said and I nodded.

We heard cheers from the plaza and the fireworks display started.

I watched with glee as the dark sky was painted with different colors. It was so very beautiful.

"Happy Birthday." I told Ryuu.

He smiled, and suddenly he pulled me and hugged me.

"I missed you." He said. His words had suddenly reminded me of everything.

He's a prince, I'm a servant.

I tried to keep the thoughts away. Just once. Just tonight.

"I missed you, too." I told him honestly, softly.

He broke away, smiling at me, his face reflecting different colors of the fireworks.

And in an instant, his lips was on mine. I gasped as I realized what was happening, and pulled away, my hand on my mouth.

"Ryuu, you're--"

"I love you." He said softly, though it seems to carry around me.

"But, this isn't right-"

"I don't care if i'm the prince and I don't care if you're a  servant. I just know that I'm Ryuu and that I'm in love with Kanon." He said, still in that soft carrying whisper.

And I didn't know what else to do because it was too much. And it felt painful, hearing those words. It's bittersweet. It's what you wanted but it's not what you can have. And I just let my tears drop, cause I don't know how else to cope. Cause though those words mean everything to me, it also means nothing.

"Don't cry." I hear Ryuu say. "I'm sorry." He said. I knew he understood, too.

"Ryuu..." He hugged me once more, and I could only sobbed harder.

"I love you, too." I say, nevertheless. I knew he must know it also means nothing.

-

We never talked about it again after that night.

Ryuu's birthday celebration was grand, as it was his seventeenth birthday; the day he comes of age.

For an outsider, it might looked as if nothing changed. If one would look at us, they would see a prince and a servant. But nothing was the same. We had crossed the line. There was no going back.

It might be a good thing, I don't know. I didn't know if I want that. I didn't know what I want. I just feel so confused every time I see him. When we meet coincindentally by the halls, he would talk to me formally, as if nothing happened, as if we had never even been friends. We never talked in the south wing garden anymore. I still visit there, frequently, but Ryuu never did since that night. I didn't know why. I didn't know what happened to us.

-

It was an accident that I overheard it.

I was in the main room, tidying up when the emperor and one of the princes, Kei-sama, had entered, talking. Kei-sama is the oldest son living here in the imperial palace as both Kota-sama and Yuya-sama had already marry.

"Are you sure about this, father?" the prince asked.

"He is ready." the emperor said. "And he is eager to prove himself." I hastily made for the door, bowing at them as they go.

"Ryutaro is just a child." Kei-sama said, and this made me stop. Shaking my head, I continued to the door. "And I think it is unwise to trust that clan. I've already told you my views on this. That clan, their history... They are the reason our empire had almost cease to exist. And I don't believe that they don't hold grudges,"

"I want to put that in the past. I want to give them a chance. We will push through witih the arrangement and meet with the family tomorrow." I was already by the door then, I should have walked faster, then I wouldn't have heard the emperor's next words. "This marriage will, I hope, bring peace to our clans."

Marriage. The prince's and the emperor's words echoed in my head. I felt dizzy but I continued walkiing, without really thinking where I'm going.

Ryutaro. They are arranging his marriage and it will happen soon, by the sound of it. Tomorrow. They are already meeting with the family tomorrow. I felt ashamed of myself as I felt tears filling my eyes. I've no right to cry. I knew my place. I am a servant, he is a prince. He's never someone I can have. Haven't I known all of these all along?

Yes, I did. But even with the knowledge, I still hoped. It was the same with my mother.

I took one look at the garden and let my tears flow down my face. He's living me soon, just like my mom left.

I stayed in the garden until it was already dark. I didn't know how long I was there. It didn't feel as if I have been there a long time but I must have been if it's already this dark.

I heard footsteps and turned to it sharply.

It was Ryuu. I didn't know why, but I felt scared somehow.

He took a step towards me, I took a step away.

"You heard." He said, softly. His face unreadable.

Slowly, I nodded.

"Have you been here since yesterday?" He asked, and now I could see worry in his face.

"I..." I started, confused. Have I?

He frowned and took a step towards me. I fought the urge to step backward. Looking encourage, he close our distance.

"The dawn will break soon." He said and he placed a hand on my cheek. "You're cold."

Tomorrow. It was already tomorrow.

"What are you doing here?" I managed to asked.

"Escaped." He said, the same way he did that night.

He then looked straight in my eyes, determination in his face. "Kanon, let's elope."

I blinked, completely taken aback.

"What? No, you can't." I said in horror.

"I love you." He said taking both my hand in his. "I don't care about what my father thinks, anymore."

"You can't. You're a prince. You have your duty."

"I don't care about being a prince either. I only want to be with you." He said, pleading in his eyes.

No. No, he shouldn't do this. What is he thinking?

"Please, Kanon." He begged. "Let's do it now, before they look for me. It's our chance."

"You can't do this, Ryuu. Your family, the emperor, he's depending on you."

He started shaking his head, looking at me pleadingly.

"I wouldn't be happy. I don't want you to sacrifice everything for me. I am indebted to the emperor. We can't." I try to say but he kept on shaking his head.

"I can't be without you." He begged, still.

I knew I wouldn't get through to him.

"Okay..." I lied. And he looked at me so so happy. It was hard not to look away.

"We can go now." He said, looking very hopeful now.

"I... I want to bring the yukata..." I say. I knew I was lying. I do not plan on going, I plan on telling the royal family where Ryuu is.

"I'll go get it." He offered. "I'll be fast."

I rack my brains. I still felt disorganized, but I have to pull myself together. It's the least I can do for the emperor. I tried to ignore the voice that was asking, "In the expense of deceiving Ryuu?"

"Let's go together..." I said. He was so happy he just agreed.

We entered the palace once more. It was quiet, as it was still so early. We walked silently through the hallways. Ryuu was cautious to not wake anyone up. We were both surprise when we realized there was in fact, many already awake in the main hall. This was odd. The servant, surely, is expected to rise before their masters but it seems everyone is in the main hall. Why?

"Stay here." Ryuu said, before we crossed the main hall. "It's better if I just go and get it quickly." He said.

I nodded, thinking it would be a chance to let the other servants, at least, know.

When Ryuu has turn a corner, I made my way to the main hall. I was almost there when men; unfamiliar men had appeared from the other hallway.

I don't think they saw me. It was still so dark and I was able to duck down by the wooden table. I saw them, though. They were definitely not from this village. And they were definitely bad news. They were wearing mask, and in their hands were big guns. They had with them the cook. He was gagged and being dragged to the main hall.

When they opened the door to the hall, I saw what was inside. All of the other servants was there. All was gagged, all looked scared just as the cook.

"That's all of them." A rough voice said. "Only the emperor and his sons left."

And I remembered Kei-sama's words.

Feeling terrified, I scrambled to my feet. I bumped into someone and loose my balance, only to be caught by strong arms.

"Kanon, I got your yukata. Let's go." It was Ryuu.

"Ryuu..." I whispered urgently, gripping his hand.

His smile was replaced by a frown. "What happened?"

I was shaking, and I was crying. I was so very terrified. But I managed to tell him what I saw, what I overheard from the men, from his brother. I managed to tell him what I piece together.

"Ryuu, we need to get out of here. We need to tell your family." I said, panicked clear in my voice.

"You need to get out. I'll get my brothers and father. Meet me at the gates." He said, his face once more unreadable.

I felt so scared, I can't part with him, not right now.

"No." I said, trying to keep the hysteria from my voice. "Please, I-I'll go with you." I told him, gripping him more tightly.

He looked at me and slowly nodded.

We made our way to the east wing of the palace, where the princes' rooms were. It felt such a long walk and the only thing that kept me from breaking down from sheer terror was the feel of Ryuu's hand in mine.

We arrived too late. The rooms were already empty.

"My brothers wouldn't come quietly." Ryuu said, looking very worried and frustrated.

"They must have been preparing for your journey to that village." I said in realization. "They don't even know."

He took my hand and we ran back to the main hall.

I saw Keito-sama and I could see Ryuu looking hopeful once more. He was about to shout for his brother but, feeling like someone have drenched me in ice cold water, I saw the man behind Keito-sama moved. Knowing what was about to happen, feeling so very helpless and so vey scared, I pulled Ryuu and covered his mouth before he could call him.

A violent, ear-shattering echo could be heard as not waiting for even a second, the man fired.

Ryuu screamed, but it was drowned in the scream of the people from the main hall. There were shouts. I could hear the voices of Ryutaro's brothers. And then, there were more sounds of bullet. I started crying, trying to keep as silent as I can. I hugged Ryuu to myself, who was still screaming and fighting to get to his brother. I could feel his tears trickling down my shoulder.

It lasted for hours it seems. And soon Ryuu stopped moving, stopped screaming. Soon there were no more sounds, and only silence accompany us.

I only ever dared to move when I knew all of those men with guns, those murderers, were long gone.

Ryuu still didn't move even as I let him go.

I grew worried, and more so when I saw his face. His eyes were opened, but they had a far away look, as if he wasn't seeing anything in front of him.

"Ryuu..." I choked.

That was when I realized there were smokes. They had set the palace on fire.

It was pain beyond anything to think, to move, but I knew I have to. For Ryuu, for our survival.

"Ryuu... we need to get out." I told him, but there were no response.

I was not detered. I slowly stood up, pulling Ryuu up with me. I placed his arms around my shoulder and started dragging the both of us out. The fire has not spread, but it will soon. We need to get out now.

It wasn't easy. I felt sore everywhere. I felt dizzy. I felt cold and so so very tired. Ryuu wasn't moving, he was a dead weight. But somehow, I managed to get the both of us out.

I collapsed as we arrived by the river just by the side of the palace. Before us, fire engulf the palace. Feeling my face damp with tears once more, I turned to Ryuu.

We was still unmoving, his eyes unseeing.

"Ryuu..." I try to call. No response.

"Ryuu... Please..." I tried again. I didn't even know what I am pleading for.

I hugged him, trying to show him he's not alone. I'm still here. Trying to ask him not to leave me. I need him with me.

And without really thinking about it, I started singing his lullaby.

"I-I remember tears streaming down your f-face. When I said, 'I'll never let you g-go'" I sang, still sobbing.

"When all those shadows almost killed your light. I remember you said, 'Don't leave me here alone'
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight."

I sobbed once more when I felt Ryuu return my hug.

I have to keep singing.

"Just close your eyes. The sun is going down. You'll be alright. No one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound."

I didn't know when reality faded into a dream. I just knew that I woke up in the late afternoon with Ryuu by my side.

Feeling terrified for a second, I sighed in relief when I felt his pulse.

I tried waking him up. More relief surge through me as he stirred.

He opened his eyes, and I couldn't help but start crying again, out of relief.

"Ryuu..."

He slowly sat up.

He stared at me. "You... who are you?"

-

AN:
-cliffy.
-that's selective amnesia. the mind's defence mechanism so that one would not lose his or her sanity because of trauma.

thanks for reading~