[FANFIC] One Fleeting Reality
i probably shouldn't post anything til i can reply to comments... but today is special so what the heck.
Title: One Fleeting Reality
Genre: Romance
Pairing: OhgoJima
Author: macy
Rating: G
Summary: To photograph is to hold one's breath, when all faculties converge to capture fleeting reality. It's at that precise moment that mastering an image becomes a great physical and intellectual joy.
AN: -a bit of an AU, OOC, unbetaed, random
-for bokunostation"! happy birthday! ♥
-Yuto's POV
I've always said I love photography.
That's true enough. But more than the photography, I want to capture a minute part of reality.
The world doesn't fit into a format of 35mm camera. I know that, but I want to capture even just bits.
I want to stop a moment, and keep a tad of it with me.
Seeing the world from behind the lense... I can't really explain it.
But it makes you see the world rather than just look at it.
I love collecting bits of memories; pieces of reality.
And one more reason I love photography is her.
My first love.
I met her when I was only six years old. Just right after Raiya was born.
I found a picture of her in the hospital.
I didn't really know her, but still I kept it.
I kept it with me at all times. I can't understand why, myself.
I was already thirteen when I realized the reason.
I love her.
I fell in love the first time I saw her.
It might have been too late. No, it was already too late, but I tried to search for her.
But one piece of picture-- of an old picture to boot, can't really do much.
I couldn't find her. I didn't even know how to start.
So, I just held on her picture.
Held on that one piece of her. Held that one fleeting reality.
That was when I started getting interested in photography.
What's more, being an idol, I'm always surrounded by cameras.
One thing I love in my job is just that.
Because almost every moments with JUMP are captured in cameras.
I have other friends of course; those who aren't celebrities, but I cover for that. I always have my photograph with me.
Besides, I like it better when I'm the one taking the picture rather than being taken the picture of.
At school, I also have many friends. We also have so much fun... so maybe I'll try asking the school for a copy of the CCTV's tape... I don't think they'll agree but I want to at least try.
High school was really something. Every moment with our my friends are bliss.
Yama-chan, Chii, Shou, Miki, Hayato, Jingi... Mirai, Suzu, Saaya, Umi, Chielu, Asami, Non-chan... my closest friends. They were my favorite models.
I've got tons of pictures of them.
Miki and Shou also tried photography. Suzu, too, after a while.
They said my mania with photography was contagious.
We had fun with photography for a while. It didn't last long though. Seems for the others, it was just a sudden fad.
I didn't took offense. They had their own interests.
"Besides, we already have our photographer." Shougo had said then.
"Yeah, I think I'm better at posing for pictures rather than taking it myself." Suzuka had said playfully.
I laughed at that and took a shot of her.
"Yuto!!!"
"Couldn't resist." I said. "Your smug face was priceless."
She tried to snatch my camera away but I stood up and held it high.
She pouted at me.
Another flash.
"Mou!!! Yuto!!!"
I have many pictures of my school friends. Maybe even as many as I have of JUMP's. I just click away when we're together.
My friends even dubbed me their personal paparazzi.
---
A week before my 18th birthday, Suzuka had given me a new set of camera lenses for my SRL. I smiled at that, it was just what I wanted.
And then I passed her my gift. Her birthday was five days before mine but we wouldn't meet because JUMP would start the rehearsals for our concert by then.
I had given her a camera. Though it was only a toy camera.
She smiled at that and took a shot of me immediately.
---
"Eh? Yutii~ something's wrong with your camera..." Chinen called out to me.
We're currently in Fukuoka for our concert. It was our break from rehearsal.
"What happened?" I asked him.
He shrugged. "I think the memoy's full." He said, looking at my camera.
I held up my hand and he passed it to me.
"Ah... the memory is full..." I said as I checked it.
"Don't you have any other memory card?" Chii insisted and I think I know why. Ryuu was looking at us, waiting. He was holding a can of whip cream and in front of him, in the sofa was a sleeping Dai-chan.
I stifled a laugh. I didn't want to wake him.
"I don't have any spare, but wait, I'll save the pictures first in my laptop, then you can delete the lot." I said.
Chii gestured for Ryuu to wait. I don't think there'd be any problem, really, Dai-chan is a very heavy sleeper. And since it's only the start of our two-hour break, we have time to spare.
I went to the other room where my bag was. Chii followed me.
We found Yama-chan playing with his own laptop.
"Yama-chan," I called. "Can I save some pictures in your notebook first? Chii needs the memory." I said, indicating my camera.
"Yeah, sure." He said, making room for me and Chii.
"Thanks." I said and Chii grinned at Yama as well and started explaining his and Ryuu's plan.
I connected my digicam with Yama's laptop and started moving the pictures.
"Eh, from school?" Yama-chan asked as he spotted the pictures.
"Ah... I haven't deleted them. There's even some from last year's school festival." I said.
"Ohh, can I see?" Chii asked.
I laughed. "What about Dai-chan?"
He shrugged. "He had just fallen asleep. No way he'll wake up soon."
I just nodded and let him view the pictures.
A while later the two of them started laughing. It was my shot of Miki and Shougo goofing around. Well, they didn't know I was around.
And then more pictures of our other friends. During last year''s field trip, during breaks, during Japanese's play... Wow, It's really been long since I organized the pictures.
"When did you get that?" Yama-chan suddenly shouted, turning red.
"What?" I said, turning to the screen. Chinen was laughing hard.
It was a picture of Mirai pecking Yama-chan on the cheeks.
No, they weren't going out. That was during Mirai's birthday. Yama-chan had given her a new Mickey Mouse stuff toy, even bigger than her old one and she was so happy she kissed him.
"Delete it!" Yama-chan ordered.
"No way! " Both Chii and I said the same time.
"Chii, don't delete that from the camera, Yama-chan might delete it from his laptop." I told Chii and he nodded.
We veiwed the next few photos copied to the laptop.
These were recent pictures. It was during our last day at school before summer break.
The two went silent. I smiled as I see the pictures.
"Hmm..." That's Chii. "That's a lot of Suzuka in there..." he said.
I nodded. "We hang around after classes. You and Yama-chan had NYC work then, and the others went home first." I said.
"Ahhh..." Yama-chan said, nodding.
"But really, there are lots of Suzuka pictures in there." Chinen commented.
"Cause we're always together." I said. I don't really get where the conversation were going.
"Yeah, we've noticed." Yama-chan said. "Mirai-chan actually rant sometimes about you hogging Suzuka all for yourself." he said.
"Eh? She does?" This was news to me.
They both nodded.
"But..." I started, I don't even understand why I wanted to explain. We're close. That's it. Where's the problem with that?
"I don't really notice, though. We just... well, Suzuka is fun to be with." I said, shrugging.
"Why do you think so?" Yama-chan asked.
I looked at the two of them in question. "What do you want to say, really?"
They both sighed. What is with these two?
"Well, you and Suzuka--"
"Stop it, Yama-chan, he's hopeless." Chii said. I turned to him.
"Do you like Suzuka?" He suddenly asked me.
"Of course I do. She's a very close friend." I said.
He sighed yet again, looking exasperated.
"Okay, let's put it this way. Did you know that Suzuka confessed to Yama-chan?"
It was as if the world stopped then. I looked at Yama-chan, wide-eyed.
"When did this happen?? You like her??? I thought you like Mirai??? What did she say?? Are you two going out??? Why didn't you tell me????"
"Chill! Chii! Do something!" Yama-chan said, alarmed.
"Baka Yuto! It was joke!" Chii shouted and I froze. I didn't realized I had stood up and that I was shaking Yama-chan. What the hell...
"So... we're saying, you like Suzuka not as a friend... like maybe you're in love with her...?" Chinen said.
"What??" I asked, very much confused.
They sighed again.
"Think about it for a while." Yama-chan said.
"Mou, you're really slow on the uptake, aren't you?" Chii said.
We were silent after that and once the photos were moved to Yama-chan's laptop, both Chii and Yama-chan went to the other room to Dai-chan.
I just sat their.
Having nothing else to do, I browsed through the pictures in Yama-chan's computer.
Indeed, there were many pictures of Suzuka there. Well, we're together most of the times. Even during the sports day or the school festival or the field trip... almost all shots, Suzuka was in there. And she had many solos as well.
I smiled as I look through them.
Suzuka and Mirai. Suzuka 'holding' the Tokyo Tower. The girls. Suzuka sleeping in the bus. Suzuka's back. Suzuka pouting. Suzuka smiling.
There were lots of Suzuka smiling... one from looking out the window of the bus, a few from watching our classmates during our school festival... many during our breaks and most taken wthout her knowing.
What Chinen said... it left an impact on me.
I never really thought of Suzuka that way.
We were close. And we do many things together. But I'm like that with Chii and Yama-chan as well... So what's the difference?
Cause she's a girl? But can't I be close to girl without those romantic assumptions?
Well, I'm close to Mirai and Umi as well... but they don't tease us, do they... so where were they basing this from?
I've opened this to Keito once. And what he said... I don't know if it helped or not.
"Well, they say these things are a lot more obvious to an outsider..." he said.
"But shouldn't I know what I feel? It is my feelings..." I retorted.
"Well what do you feel? Do you like her?" He asked.
"I... I don't know..." I said, honestly.
"Well, do you not like her?" He asked once more.
"No... you can't possibly not like her." I said immediately.
"Well, how do you like her? As a friend or...?"
I shook my head. "I don't know Keito... I'm always with her, but I don't think we do things that can indicate something... And I only ever thought about this all when Chinen said those things... I'm really confused. What do they see that I don't?" I asked, frustrated.
"Hmmm.." He looked at me. "Maybe you should stop looking at her through your lens? Look at her for once. What is Suzuka to you?"
I've mused over that our whole tour. I was completely distracted. I couldn't perform as well as I should, and I couldn't sleep at night thinking about it eventhough I was exhausted everyday.
And then I started taking out her picture again.
My first love.
I haven't looked at her picture since I entered high school.
It was very weird, maybe, because the girl in that picture were around a third of my age. But seeing that picture made me relax somehow. It has became a some sort of charm, I don't even know how.
Nothing was ever clear with me though.
I still don't know what Suzuka is to me.
What I want to be to her.
Everything that my friends told me only made me confused.
I was very nervous on our first day back to school.
Nothing really changed between us. I mean, the last time we met, we said our goodbye as we would usually. And the last time we mailed each other was on my birthday, that was casual as well.
But somehow, something changed in me.
I didn't know how I should talk to her, how I should face her. I didn't know what was normal anymore.
I waited anxiously for her.
But then the classroom started filling up but still, she hasn't arrived.
Finally, the bell rang.
She was still no where to be found.
"Where's Suzu-chan?" I asked Shougo who was besides me.
But he shrugged. "Sorry, don't know. Wait I'll ask Non-chan." he said and then he turned to his front where Nozomi was sitting.
"Ne, Non-chan, is Suzuka coming today?" he asked, I watched.
Nozomi looked back and said, frowning, "No... she's not... She's in the hospital since yesterday night. I don't really know what happened but Mirai-chan and Umi-chan is really worried..." She said pointing at the two girls.
And she was right, the two both have their brows furrowed and was talking in whispered voices. Mirai was even looking at her phone as if waiting for a call or something.
My heart suddenly felt heavy.
I stood up, and walked over to Mirai.
"What happened?" I asked.
She looked at me a bit surprised but it seems she understood.
She sighed. "I'm not sure myself. Her mom just said they were in the hospital. She sounded like she was in a hurry so it just makes me worry..." She said and then she smiled though it doesn't looked real to me. "I'm probably just overreacting."
I just nodded numbly.
What had happend to Suzuka?
I didn't really notice the hour past by. Everyone left me with my thoughts... or maybe I just didn't notice them.
Finally it was our dismissal. Mirai approached me then.
"Yuto, do you have work today? We're going to Suzuka..." She said.
"We're coming. We still have an hour before work." It was Yama-chan who answered for me.
We caught a cab one block from Horikoshi. I sat on the front seat and the four of them squeeze in at the back.
We went straight to the hospital.
Mirai led the way once we arived. She'd already contacted Suzuka's mom beforehand.
We got on the elevator. 8th floor. Room 815.
Mirai knocked once we were in front of her room. Her mom answered us. I was so relived to see her smiling.
She led as in and finally we saw Suzuka.
She looked well. Thank God, she was well.
"Guys! You didn't have to come!" She said, smiling at us.
Mirai let out a sighed. "Mou~ Suzu, you scared us! " she said going to Suzuka's side at once.
"I'm okay..." Suzuka said.
"What happened?" Umika asked her.
She shrugged. "Just caught a cold."
"Oh... How's your lungs?" Mirai asked.
"Why, what's wrong with her lungs?" Yama-chan asked.
Suzuka smiled. "I have end-stage pulmonary disease..."
"What?!" Chinen asked outloud, shocked. Me, I couldn't say anything.
"When I was little!" Suzuka said hastily. "Jeez, let me finish okay? No need to panic." She said and Umika and Mirai laughed.
"I had weak lungs since I was born." She said, "So I had lung transplant during preschool. I'm fine now, really, but coughs can lead to complications so mom panicked last night. Nothing serious though. I'm really well. I'll be going to school tomorrow." she explained.
I closed my eyes in relief. That's good news.
"Yuto~" she called and I looked at her. "What are you doing by the door? Come closer..." She said, pouting a bit.
I smiled and do as I was told.
"By the way, no cameras today?" She asked.
-
I didn't really want to go, but our manager started calling so we've no choice.
Grudgingly, I left the hospital with Yama-chan and Chii.
I guess I should be thankful this happened.
It was like a whack on the head. It cleared my head somehow.
Well, one thing was clear: I couldn't take it if I lose Suzuka.
It was as if a weight was lifted from me. As if finally realizing how I felt has somehow set me free.
As I went home from work, I called Suzuka.
I just wanted to hear her voice. To be sure she was really okay.
It seems she was already home. She told about what happened after we left. Our other classmates had come and visited her as well.
She asked me about my work as well. We chatted for about an hour.
---
We spent the rest of the year as we usually did, maybe. But something definitely changed for me. I'm sure of that. Our friends knew that, as well. And maybe, hopefully, she knows as well.
Looking at the whole picture, the angle changed somehow.
---
I've taken lots of pictures during our graduation.
Many solo shots of everyone, many group pictures, and pictures of the school it self.
I can't believe we were already leaving the place.
"Can you come with me right now?" I asked her right after our graduation.
She looked at me questioningly, "Come where?"
"I want to show you something." I told her.
"Okay." She said simply.
I hailed a cab and the two of us got on.
I gave the driver my address.
"To your house?" She asked.
I nodded, smiling. "It's there."
She'd been there before of course, but then our other friends were there as well.
"Mom, tadaima!" I called out as we entered.
She peeked from the kitchen. "Okaeri. Oh, Suzu-chan, you also came."
"Konnichiwa." She greeted, bowing.
"We'll be in our room..." I told mom.
"Okay," She said. "I'll bring you snack. Oh, and Raiya's practicing piano, I think."
"Oh, okay." I said as I lead Suzuka up.
"What is it you want to show me?" She asked I opened the door to my and Raiya's room.
"It's a surprise." I said, grinning.
Surely, as I opened the door, we saw Raiya by his piano. But he wasn't playing, he was fast asleep.
I frowned at that. Raiya had a drama and is always exhausted these days. I asked Suzuka to wait as I moved Raiya to his bed.
"Sorry about that." I told her as I went back to her.
She smiled. "It's okay. Raiya-kun's still being babied by you, I see." She teased.
I pouted at her. She giggled.
"So, what is it you wanted me to see?"
"Come on." I said as I held her hand. "It's this way."
I led her to another room. Well, it was really an old walk-in closet. I made it my dark room.
"Wow..." She breathed as we went in. "Photographer Yuto-kun..."
I smiled at her. "I wanna show you these."
And with my heart pounding, I showed her the pictures I was developing.
All are pictures of her.
She was silent.
I wasn't comfortable with that so I started talking.
"I only realized." I try to say. "Before I always thought I'd like a girl who's into photography as well... someone who can take pictures as well."
She was walking around, looking at the pictures.
"But now I know what I want. What I always wanted." I said. I just let my mouth move. I wasn't even thinking of what I was saying. "I was forever searching for a model. I never knew I already have one."
She giggled and I looked at her, feeling a bit more at ease.
"It took you these many pictures to realize that?" She asked, grinning playfully at me.
That gave me courage.
"Can you be my model for life?" I asked her softly.
"No." She said immediately. I was stunned.
"I don't want to be your model." She said, and then she shrugged. "We're both celebrities. You should know I already have many, many photoshoots. Many photographers to take a photo of me."
I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to day.
But then she smiled at me.
"I want the both of us to be in the picture."
I think I gaped at her. But I couldn't believe what I heard.
"You mean..."
She smiled and nodded.
I was so relieved I hugged her very very tight. She started laughing at my embrace. I couldn't help but laugh as well. I was too happy.
"But Yuto..." she said, giggling. "What's with this confession? That's as good as a proposal..." she teased.
"Well, we're already both eighteen years old..." I told her.
She blushed and I took a shot of her.
-
After that, there were much much more moments to capture.
So many memories I wanted to keep.
Our first date.
Our first kiss.
Our first Christmas, New Year and Valentines together.
Our first anniversary.
Every moment together.
Every moment of love.
The day we announced our relationship. How our fans accepted it.
The day we had our first project together.
The day I proposed to her.
The day I asked her father for her hand.
Our engagement.
Our wedding.
Every moment of our life together.
Every moment with her.
Every bit of her.
I wanted to capture all of that.
I'm not saying everything was always good.
Of course there were bad times.
But that had just made our life more beautiful.
Made me want to capture our life more.
But of course that was impossible.
But at least. A shot, a moment, a time stilled in a piece of paper. I have that.
Pieces of paper, pieces of memories. And it's as if I'm relieving hat one time again.
-
I smiled as I looked through our albums through the years.
Now, Yuka was already 3 years old.
I stopped as I saw one lone picture out of the album.
It was very faded, but I knew at once what it was.
I smiled, I'm glad I still have that picture.
"What's that?" I hadn't realized Suzuka had come behind me.
Nevertheless, I smiled at her.
"She's my first love." I told her. It was the picture I held since I was six years old.
"Eh?"
I laughed at the look on her face.
"Well, I never really met her." I told her. "I found this in the hospital when I was six. When raiya was just born and I don't know, I just always held on this. Somehow, when I have problems I just look at her and everything seems to be okay again. I realized I fell in love with her... With a girl I didn't even know the name of. With a fleeting reality..."
She took the picture and looked at it closely.
"What is it?" I asked her. She was very silent.
"This..." She said and I was surprised when she blushed. "I lost this picture when I was six... I saw it fell from my mom's hand... right before going to my operation."
I looked at her, completely dumbfounded.
And then, I don't know whaht had gotten to me, but I laughed.
This was so surreal.
She laughed in a bit as well. I think that's the best reaction we can give. There was no word to describe how we felt.
How I felt.
One fleeting reality.
And my whole reality.
My two worlds met.
Thanks for reading!
Title: One Fleeting Reality
Genre: Romance
Pairing: OhgoJima
Author: macy
Rating: G
Summary: To photograph is to hold one's breath, when all faculties converge to capture fleeting reality. It's at that precise moment that mastering an image becomes a great physical and intellectual joy.
AN: -a bit of an AU, OOC, unbetaed, random
-for bokunostation"! happy birthday! ♥
-Yuto's POV
I've always said I love photography.
That's true enough. But more than the photography, I want to capture a minute part of reality.
The world doesn't fit into a format of 35mm camera. I know that, but I want to capture even just bits.
I want to stop a moment, and keep a tad of it with me.
Seeing the world from behind the lense... I can't really explain it.
But it makes you see the world rather than just look at it.
I love collecting bits of memories; pieces of reality.
And one more reason I love photography is her.
My first love.
I met her when I was only six years old. Just right after Raiya was born.
I found a picture of her in the hospital.
I didn't really know her, but still I kept it.
I kept it with me at all times. I can't understand why, myself.
I was already thirteen when I realized the reason.
I love her.
I fell in love the first time I saw her.
It might have been too late. No, it was already too late, but I tried to search for her.
But one piece of picture-- of an old picture to boot, can't really do much.
I couldn't find her. I didn't even know how to start.
So, I just held on her picture.
Held on that one piece of her. Held that one fleeting reality.
That was when I started getting interested in photography.
What's more, being an idol, I'm always surrounded by cameras.
One thing I love in my job is just that.
Because almost every moments with JUMP are captured in cameras.
I have other friends of course; those who aren't celebrities, but I cover for that. I always have my photograph with me.
Besides, I like it better when I'm the one taking the picture rather than being taken the picture of.
At school, I also have many friends. We also have so much fun... so maybe I'll try asking the school for a copy of the CCTV's tape... I don't think they'll agree but I want to at least try.
High school was really something. Every moment with our my friends are bliss.
Yama-chan, Chii, Shou, Miki, Hayato, Jingi... Mirai, Suzu, Saaya, Umi, Chielu, Asami, Non-chan... my closest friends. They were my favorite models.
I've got tons of pictures of them.
Miki and Shou also tried photography. Suzu, too, after a while.
They said my mania with photography was contagious.
We had fun with photography for a while. It didn't last long though. Seems for the others, it was just a sudden fad.
I didn't took offense. They had their own interests.
"Besides, we already have our photographer." Shougo had said then.
"Yeah, I think I'm better at posing for pictures rather than taking it myself." Suzuka had said playfully.
I laughed at that and took a shot of her.
"Yuto!!!"
"Couldn't resist." I said. "Your smug face was priceless."
She tried to snatch my camera away but I stood up and held it high.
She pouted at me.
Another flash.
"Mou!!! Yuto!!!"
I have many pictures of my school friends. Maybe even as many as I have of JUMP's. I just click away when we're together.
My friends even dubbed me their personal paparazzi.
---
A week before my 18th birthday, Suzuka had given me a new set of camera lenses for my SRL. I smiled at that, it was just what I wanted.
And then I passed her my gift. Her birthday was five days before mine but we wouldn't meet because JUMP would start the rehearsals for our concert by then.
I had given her a camera. Though it was only a toy camera.
She smiled at that and took a shot of me immediately.
---
"Eh? Yutii~ something's wrong with your camera..." Chinen called out to me.
We're currently in Fukuoka for our concert. It was our break from rehearsal.
"What happened?" I asked him.
He shrugged. "I think the memoy's full." He said, looking at my camera.
I held up my hand and he passed it to me.
"Ah... the memory is full..." I said as I checked it.
"Don't you have any other memory card?" Chii insisted and I think I know why. Ryuu was looking at us, waiting. He was holding a can of whip cream and in front of him, in the sofa was a sleeping Dai-chan.
I stifled a laugh. I didn't want to wake him.
"I don't have any spare, but wait, I'll save the pictures first in my laptop, then you can delete the lot." I said.
Chii gestured for Ryuu to wait. I don't think there'd be any problem, really, Dai-chan is a very heavy sleeper. And since it's only the start of our two-hour break, we have time to spare.
I went to the other room where my bag was. Chii followed me.
We found Yama-chan playing with his own laptop.
"Yama-chan," I called. "Can I save some pictures in your notebook first? Chii needs the memory." I said, indicating my camera.
"Yeah, sure." He said, making room for me and Chii.
"Thanks." I said and Chii grinned at Yama as well and started explaining his and Ryuu's plan.
I connected my digicam with Yama's laptop and started moving the pictures.
"Eh, from school?" Yama-chan asked as he spotted the pictures.
"Ah... I haven't deleted them. There's even some from last year's school festival." I said.
"Ohh, can I see?" Chii asked.
I laughed. "What about Dai-chan?"
He shrugged. "He had just fallen asleep. No way he'll wake up soon."
I just nodded and let him view the pictures.
A while later the two of them started laughing. It was my shot of Miki and Shougo goofing around. Well, they didn't know I was around.
And then more pictures of our other friends. During last year''s field trip, during breaks, during Japanese's play... Wow, It's really been long since I organized the pictures.
"When did you get that?" Yama-chan suddenly shouted, turning red.
"What?" I said, turning to the screen. Chinen was laughing hard.
It was a picture of Mirai pecking Yama-chan on the cheeks.
No, they weren't going out. That was during Mirai's birthday. Yama-chan had given her a new Mickey Mouse stuff toy, even bigger than her old one and she was so happy she kissed him.
"Delete it!" Yama-chan ordered.
"No way! " Both Chii and I said the same time.
"Chii, don't delete that from the camera, Yama-chan might delete it from his laptop." I told Chii and he nodded.
We veiwed the next few photos copied to the laptop.
These were recent pictures. It was during our last day at school before summer break.
The two went silent. I smiled as I see the pictures.
"Hmm..." That's Chii. "That's a lot of Suzuka in there..." he said.
I nodded. "We hang around after classes. You and Yama-chan had NYC work then, and the others went home first." I said.
"Ahhh..." Yama-chan said, nodding.
"But really, there are lots of Suzuka pictures in there." Chinen commented.
"Cause we're always together." I said. I don't really get where the conversation were going.
"Yeah, we've noticed." Yama-chan said. "Mirai-chan actually rant sometimes about you hogging Suzuka all for yourself." he said.
"Eh? She does?" This was news to me.
They both nodded.
"But..." I started, I don't even understand why I wanted to explain. We're close. That's it. Where's the problem with that?
"I don't really notice, though. We just... well, Suzuka is fun to be with." I said, shrugging.
"Why do you think so?" Yama-chan asked.
I looked at the two of them in question. "What do you want to say, really?"
They both sighed. What is with these two?
"Well, you and Suzuka--"
"Stop it, Yama-chan, he's hopeless." Chii said. I turned to him.
"Do you like Suzuka?" He suddenly asked me.
"Of course I do. She's a very close friend." I said.
He sighed yet again, looking exasperated.
"Okay, let's put it this way. Did you know that Suzuka confessed to Yama-chan?"
It was as if the world stopped then. I looked at Yama-chan, wide-eyed.
"When did this happen?? You like her??? I thought you like Mirai??? What did she say?? Are you two going out??? Why didn't you tell me????"
"Chill! Chii! Do something!" Yama-chan said, alarmed.
"Baka Yuto! It was joke!" Chii shouted and I froze. I didn't realized I had stood up and that I was shaking Yama-chan. What the hell...
"So... we're saying, you like Suzuka not as a friend... like maybe you're in love with her...?" Chinen said.
"What??" I asked, very much confused.
They sighed again.
"Think about it for a while." Yama-chan said.
"Mou, you're really slow on the uptake, aren't you?" Chii said.
We were silent after that and once the photos were moved to Yama-chan's laptop, both Chii and Yama-chan went to the other room to Dai-chan.
I just sat their.
Having nothing else to do, I browsed through the pictures in Yama-chan's computer.
Indeed, there were many pictures of Suzuka there. Well, we're together most of the times. Even during the sports day or the school festival or the field trip... almost all shots, Suzuka was in there. And she had many solos as well.
I smiled as I look through them.
Suzuka and Mirai. Suzuka 'holding' the Tokyo Tower. The girls. Suzuka sleeping in the bus. Suzuka's back. Suzuka pouting. Suzuka smiling.
There were lots of Suzuka smiling... one from looking out the window of the bus, a few from watching our classmates during our school festival... many during our breaks and most taken wthout her knowing.
What Chinen said... it left an impact on me.
I never really thought of Suzuka that way.
We were close. And we do many things together. But I'm like that with Chii and Yama-chan as well... So what's the difference?
Cause she's a girl? But can't I be close to girl without those romantic assumptions?
Well, I'm close to Mirai and Umi as well... but they don't tease us, do they... so where were they basing this from?
I've opened this to Keito once. And what he said... I don't know if it helped or not.
"Well, they say these things are a lot more obvious to an outsider..." he said.
"But shouldn't I know what I feel? It is my feelings..." I retorted.
"Well what do you feel? Do you like her?" He asked.
"I... I don't know..." I said, honestly.
"Well, do you not like her?" He asked once more.
"No... you can't possibly not like her." I said immediately.
"Well, how do you like her? As a friend or...?"
I shook my head. "I don't know Keito... I'm always with her, but I don't think we do things that can indicate something... And I only ever thought about this all when Chinen said those things... I'm really confused. What do they see that I don't?" I asked, frustrated.
"Hmmm.." He looked at me. "Maybe you should stop looking at her through your lens? Look at her for once. What is Suzuka to you?"
I've mused over that our whole tour. I was completely distracted. I couldn't perform as well as I should, and I couldn't sleep at night thinking about it eventhough I was exhausted everyday.
And then I started taking out her picture again.
My first love.
I haven't looked at her picture since I entered high school.
It was very weird, maybe, because the girl in that picture were around a third of my age. But seeing that picture made me relax somehow. It has became a some sort of charm, I don't even know how.
Nothing was ever clear with me though.
I still don't know what Suzuka is to me.
What I want to be to her.
Everything that my friends told me only made me confused.
I was very nervous on our first day back to school.
Nothing really changed between us. I mean, the last time we met, we said our goodbye as we would usually. And the last time we mailed each other was on my birthday, that was casual as well.
But somehow, something changed in me.
I didn't know how I should talk to her, how I should face her. I didn't know what was normal anymore.
I waited anxiously for her.
But then the classroom started filling up but still, she hasn't arrived.
Finally, the bell rang.
She was still no where to be found.
"Where's Suzu-chan?" I asked Shougo who was besides me.
But he shrugged. "Sorry, don't know. Wait I'll ask Non-chan." he said and then he turned to his front where Nozomi was sitting.
"Ne, Non-chan, is Suzuka coming today?" he asked, I watched.
Nozomi looked back and said, frowning, "No... she's not... She's in the hospital since yesterday night. I don't really know what happened but Mirai-chan and Umi-chan is really worried..." She said pointing at the two girls.
And she was right, the two both have their brows furrowed and was talking in whispered voices. Mirai was even looking at her phone as if waiting for a call or something.
My heart suddenly felt heavy.
I stood up, and walked over to Mirai.
"What happened?" I asked.
She looked at me a bit surprised but it seems she understood.
She sighed. "I'm not sure myself. Her mom just said they were in the hospital. She sounded like she was in a hurry so it just makes me worry..." She said and then she smiled though it doesn't looked real to me. "I'm probably just overreacting."
I just nodded numbly.
What had happend to Suzuka?
I didn't really notice the hour past by. Everyone left me with my thoughts... or maybe I just didn't notice them.
Finally it was our dismissal. Mirai approached me then.
"Yuto, do you have work today? We're going to Suzuka..." She said.
"We're coming. We still have an hour before work." It was Yama-chan who answered for me.
We caught a cab one block from Horikoshi. I sat on the front seat and the four of them squeeze in at the back.
We went straight to the hospital.
Mirai led the way once we arived. She'd already contacted Suzuka's mom beforehand.
We got on the elevator. 8th floor. Room 815.
Mirai knocked once we were in front of her room. Her mom answered us. I was so relived to see her smiling.
She led as in and finally we saw Suzuka.
She looked well. Thank God, she was well.
"Guys! You didn't have to come!" She said, smiling at us.
Mirai let out a sighed. "Mou~ Suzu, you scared us! " she said going to Suzuka's side at once.
"I'm okay..." Suzuka said.
"What happened?" Umika asked her.
She shrugged. "Just caught a cold."
"Oh... How's your lungs?" Mirai asked.
"Why, what's wrong with her lungs?" Yama-chan asked.
Suzuka smiled. "I have end-stage pulmonary disease..."
"What?!" Chinen asked outloud, shocked. Me, I couldn't say anything.
"When I was little!" Suzuka said hastily. "Jeez, let me finish okay? No need to panic." She said and Umika and Mirai laughed.
"I had weak lungs since I was born." She said, "So I had lung transplant during preschool. I'm fine now, really, but coughs can lead to complications so mom panicked last night. Nothing serious though. I'm really well. I'll be going to school tomorrow." she explained.
I closed my eyes in relief. That's good news.
"Yuto~" she called and I looked at her. "What are you doing by the door? Come closer..." She said, pouting a bit.
I smiled and do as I was told.
"By the way, no cameras today?" She asked.
-
I didn't really want to go, but our manager started calling so we've no choice.
Grudgingly, I left the hospital with Yama-chan and Chii.
I guess I should be thankful this happened.
It was like a whack on the head. It cleared my head somehow.
Well, one thing was clear: I couldn't take it if I lose Suzuka.
It was as if a weight was lifted from me. As if finally realizing how I felt has somehow set me free.
As I went home from work, I called Suzuka.
I just wanted to hear her voice. To be sure she was really okay.
It seems she was already home. She told about what happened after we left. Our other classmates had come and visited her as well.
She asked me about my work as well. We chatted for about an hour.
---
We spent the rest of the year as we usually did, maybe. But something definitely changed for me. I'm sure of that. Our friends knew that, as well. And maybe, hopefully, she knows as well.
Looking at the whole picture, the angle changed somehow.
---
I've taken lots of pictures during our graduation.
Many solo shots of everyone, many group pictures, and pictures of the school it self.
I can't believe we were already leaving the place.
"Can you come with me right now?" I asked her right after our graduation.
She looked at me questioningly, "Come where?"
"I want to show you something." I told her.
"Okay." She said simply.
I hailed a cab and the two of us got on.
I gave the driver my address.
"To your house?" She asked.
I nodded, smiling. "It's there."
She'd been there before of course, but then our other friends were there as well.
"Mom, tadaima!" I called out as we entered.
She peeked from the kitchen. "Okaeri. Oh, Suzu-chan, you also came."
"Konnichiwa." She greeted, bowing.
"We'll be in our room..." I told mom.
"Okay," She said. "I'll bring you snack. Oh, and Raiya's practicing piano, I think."
"Oh, okay." I said as I lead Suzuka up.
"What is it you want to show me?" She asked I opened the door to my and Raiya's room.
"It's a surprise." I said, grinning.
Surely, as I opened the door, we saw Raiya by his piano. But he wasn't playing, he was fast asleep.
I frowned at that. Raiya had a drama and is always exhausted these days. I asked Suzuka to wait as I moved Raiya to his bed.
"Sorry about that." I told her as I went back to her.
She smiled. "It's okay. Raiya-kun's still being babied by you, I see." She teased.
I pouted at her. She giggled.
"So, what is it you wanted me to see?"
"Come on." I said as I held her hand. "It's this way."
I led her to another room. Well, it was really an old walk-in closet. I made it my dark room.
"Wow..." She breathed as we went in. "Photographer Yuto-kun..."
I smiled at her. "I wanna show you these."
And with my heart pounding, I showed her the pictures I was developing.
All are pictures of her.
She was silent.
I wasn't comfortable with that so I started talking.
"I only realized." I try to say. "Before I always thought I'd like a girl who's into photography as well... someone who can take pictures as well."
She was walking around, looking at the pictures.
"But now I know what I want. What I always wanted." I said. I just let my mouth move. I wasn't even thinking of what I was saying. "I was forever searching for a model. I never knew I already have one."
She giggled and I looked at her, feeling a bit more at ease.
"It took you these many pictures to realize that?" She asked, grinning playfully at me.
That gave me courage.
"Can you be my model for life?" I asked her softly.
"No." She said immediately. I was stunned.
"I don't want to be your model." She said, and then she shrugged. "We're both celebrities. You should know I already have many, many photoshoots. Many photographers to take a photo of me."
I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to day.
But then she smiled at me.
"I want the both of us to be in the picture."
I think I gaped at her. But I couldn't believe what I heard.
"You mean..."
She smiled and nodded.
I was so relieved I hugged her very very tight. She started laughing at my embrace. I couldn't help but laugh as well. I was too happy.
"But Yuto..." she said, giggling. "What's with this confession? That's as good as a proposal..." she teased.
"Well, we're already both eighteen years old..." I told her.
She blushed and I took a shot of her.
-
After that, there were much much more moments to capture.
So many memories I wanted to keep.
Our first date.
Our first kiss.
Our first Christmas, New Year and Valentines together.
Our first anniversary.
Every moment together.
Every moment of love.
The day we announced our relationship. How our fans accepted it.
The day we had our first project together.
The day I proposed to her.
The day I asked her father for her hand.
Our engagement.
Our wedding.
Every moment of our life together.
Every moment with her.
Every bit of her.
I wanted to capture all of that.
I'm not saying everything was always good.
Of course there were bad times.
But that had just made our life more beautiful.
Made me want to capture our life more.
But of course that was impossible.
But at least. A shot, a moment, a time stilled in a piece of paper. I have that.
Pieces of paper, pieces of memories. And it's as if I'm relieving hat one time again.
-
I smiled as I looked through our albums through the years.
Now, Yuka was already 3 years old.
I stopped as I saw one lone picture out of the album.
It was very faded, but I knew at once what it was.
I smiled, I'm glad I still have that picture.
"What's that?" I hadn't realized Suzuka had come behind me.
Nevertheless, I smiled at her.
"She's my first love." I told her. It was the picture I held since I was six years old.
"Eh?"
I laughed at the look on her face.
"Well, I never really met her." I told her. "I found this in the hospital when I was six. When raiya was just born and I don't know, I just always held on this. Somehow, when I have problems I just look at her and everything seems to be okay again. I realized I fell in love with her... With a girl I didn't even know the name of. With a fleeting reality..."
She took the picture and looked at it closely.
"What is it?" I asked her. She was very silent.
"This..." She said and I was surprised when she blushed. "I lost this picture when I was six... I saw it fell from my mom's hand... right before going to my operation."
I looked at her, completely dumbfounded.
And then, I don't know whaht had gotten to me, but I laughed.
This was so surreal.
She laughed in a bit as well. I think that's the best reaction we can give. There was no word to describe how we felt.
How I felt.
One fleeting reality.
And my whole reality.
My two worlds met.
Thanks for reading!