Comments | macula_densa: In memory of Christine

macula_densa

In memory of Christine

Jan 09, 2011 11:28

Two years ago, I lost someone that had been really important in my life to suicideI know everyone tends to blame themselves when someone takes their own life, but in my case, I felt at fault that I didn't try to stop it. I realized after examining my intuition very closely that I knew it was going to happen; I just didn't want to believe it, so I ( Read more... )

Comments 6

libation January 10 2011, 03:13:07 UTC

Thank you for sharing this. Postsecret does a lot of work promoting/doing fundraisers for a suicide crisis center:

http://www.hopeline.com/

macula_densa January 10 2011, 04:13:39 UTC

Funny you should mention that. I actually showed Christine the postsecret website the night before we left for Texas.

I've always taken the things posted on that site as reassurance that many of the things we think and feel as human beings aren't as odd as we might think. Instead, Christine zeroed in on the ones expressing despair and surmised that all the human race is miserable.

Like I said, nothing I did could lift her spirits. And maybe part of the reason I showed her that site was so that I could indirectly link her to the hopeline website.

libation January 10 2011, 04:15:32 UTC

Sorry to hear that. In a state of despair it is easy to focus only on what you want to hear, to "validate" your own experience.

tfcocs January 10 2011, 03:24:54 UTC

Oh, wow. I can not believe it has been two years since you posted that entry. It seems, from what you have posted, you were a good friend to her. I hope that you find some solace in knowing that.

macula_densa January 10 2011, 04:17:32 UTC

I can't believe it's been that long either. And yet, it also feels like a lifetime has passed. Time is so funny that way.

I tried to be a good friend to her. I don't think I'll ever stop feeling as though I failed, though. But, I think most people in the life of a suicide victim feel that way. I know all her friends felt that way; it certainly wasn't unique to me. The only thing that really sets me apart from the rest is my involvement in her final days.

seeinginmenow January 12 2011, 20:24:20 UTC

I can't believe it's been two years already either.
I have not experienced a tragedy in my life even remotely like your loss of Christine, but I do hope over time that your pain will ease.