Comments | m1ss1ngcupcake: LJI Exhibit B: Week 9

m1ss1ngcupcake

LJI Exhibit B: Week 9 - Playing with Fire

Jul 22, 2013 12:45

I just wanna thank my flist over at theun4givables for their feedback on this. You guys are awesome. :)"Thanks for inviting me out tonight, Jazz. I really needed to get away from everything ( Read more... )

he *so* wasn't -- jazz, exhibit b, lj idol exhibit b

Comments 19

adoptedwriter July 22 2013, 17:59:04 UTC

Nice way to conclude this scene. AW

theun4givables July 22 2013, 18:00:36 UTC

Thank you. :)

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theun4givables July 22 2013, 23:52:55 UTC

Thank you. :) He's older in this version, and definitely a little more...aware of how he is and what he wants and what he likes. Which happen to include Savin. ;)

I know you do. xD I'm kinda hoping that with everyone being older things will er, even out a bit. :)

jem0000000 July 23 2013, 02:53:21 UTC

Poor Mari.

The tags make me wonder how well it turned out.

theun4givables July 23 2013, 12:29:08 UTC

The tags are me being silly, but I think Jazz wants to change it. Because uh -- Savin knew what he was doing, but there was nothing soft or tender about it. >>;

And yes, definitely poor Mari. Savin's at least not as big of an asshole as he could have been, because he does tell her what happened right away (it's the final straw of sorts for her). Jazz and Savin don't end up together for a while after that, though. Jazz meets...someone else, lol.

tatdatcm July 24 2013, 04:35:11 UTC

The changes you made make this a little more cohesive. Jazz and Savin sound more like themselves but with the added maturity you're going for.

Still love the ending.

theun4givables July 24 2013, 11:58:02 UTC

Yeah, Sarah had Devin beta read this for me (seriously, her first comment was "This needs to be sexier." I was like, whuh? And then we figured out wtf Devin meant together lol), and I agree that it feels way better this way. They're definitely more themselves in this version, even if I didn't change/add all that much.

Thank you. :)

halfshellvenus July 24 2013, 06:46:32 UTC

It's really unusual to see Jazz in this position-- he's usually the one feeling more coerced, in a variety of ways.

I guess it's the evolution of a relationship and of the people in it. At the beginning, Savin is a quieter character and Jazz more assertive, and by the later parts of the series Jazz has been emotionally betrayed many times over (including by Savin) and Savin has been too much swayed by what it's like to have power (because even if he doesn't want it for its own sake, having it still changes you).

The fact that they do change, partly in relation to each other, in a way that is a shift rather than an aboutface is very true to human nature.

theun4givables July 24 2013, 12:02:15 UTC

Yeah, this was a little weird for me, too, as I wrote it. The changes in his personality from how I'm altering the world itself and where their story takes place in their world's timeline were really marked, for me. I was like huh. This is what he's like when his life started out a little less roughly.

Definitely. In Idol I focused a lot on when their relationship was falling apart, which meant focusing a lot on the third book. Since this is definitely a scene from book 1, their relationship is different (it hasn't truly STARTED yet though the sexual attraction is there for both), and they haven't had a chance to evolve yet.

Thank you. :) Their development being a shift is what I want -- because I want it to read very much like human nature, to begin with.