Some actual content!
Okay, here we go. This is try number two. The first time went horribly, horrible wrong. Let's hope this works.
Title: The Zeppo in Mind
Author: M. McGregor (apparently, you can call me Mac.) AKA: erstwhile_visionary@yahoo.com
Summary: As Xander is with Faith in the Zeppo, he suddenly vanishes. Faith can't find him, but is he really so far away?
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I don't even own the humorous disclaimer I was going to put here.
Rating: I'm saying R to NC17, although R is probably a little closer. There's some risque stuff in here, and there may be an expanded love scene or fifty (generous estimate) in the future. I'm terrible at figuring out ratings though, so it's NC17 if I'm erring on the side of caution. If it matters, the NC17 is for sexuality, not violence, which I do think is pretty silly, but it's the world we live in.
Pairings: F/X (sort of), F/B, B/X (sort of) and F/B/X (also sort of). Mainly F/X (sort of) for a while.
Author's note: So this story, I dunno, it kind of just popped into my brain a few nights ago, whilest I was tossing and turning in a feverish state of horrible sickness. I don't know if that translates to the quality of the story, you all can be the judge. I'm not entirely sure where it's going to lead me, but I'm really pretty excited about it so far. Maybe I'm nuts.
This story's also a little weird because I may not be able to post future chapters on certain mailing lists, cause I think there may be a kind of m/m slash thing at some point. Generally I don't write that kind of thing, not because I have a problem with it, but it's just not really my thing to write. Other people do a fine job with that. But the story might kind of warrant it, and I know that there are some people who would go apeshit if Xander was involved in any kind of m/m thing. Anyway, if you're one of those people, don't worry, I will warn you before you get to that chapter, assuming I even write it. I hope most people really don't care one way or the other, as long as the story doesn't stink beyond all that is possible.
Also, I guess I'm cutting this up into two parts, since it's too long to be one. The break is entirely arbitrary though, so far this is all just one big part of the story. I'm not really going with actual chapters on this one.
She rocked her hips against him, luxuriating in the feeling of his hardness inside of her. This was exactly what she needed after a fight with no kill. A good solid fuck. She'd even had the good luck to find a decent looking guy to do the deed. A decent looking guy who was doing a more than decent job at it, too.
Definite room for improvement, but you couldn't fault his enthusiasm. His back arched and he rose to meet her. She grunted.
Oh yeah, definitely couldn't fault his enthusiasm. Made sense, she figured. If there was one thing Xander Harris had a lot of, it was enthusiasm. That, and a really nice di-
She groaned, her brain no longer caring to make coherent thoughts. This was her favorite part. The part where she wasn't herself anymore, where she didn't care about anything, worry about anything, or remember anything. The part where all that mattered was him inside of her, and the overwhelming waves of pleasure. His hands on her body, her hands on his. Hot, wet kisses being exchanged as the passion mounted.
This was the best part. This was why she did it so often.
"Ugh, Xander," she groaned as his hands snaked through her hair. He whispered her name, and then whispered it again. Faster, with more urgency. He was almost there. So was she. Just a few more moments. She ground against him, biting her lip, one hand on her breast, kneading the soft flesh. It was building faster and faster, in time with his rhythmic thrusts. She was almost...
"Xander!" she cried, her body spasming as her climax overtook her. He groaned wordlessly, and she closed her eyes with the exquisite beauty of it. She shut her eyes, riding the wave of pleasure for every bit she could get, and on a whim, she leaned over to kiss him deeply and groan into his mouth.
Their lips met, and the taste was sweet and wonderful. Then Xander went rigid underneath her, and his eyes opened wide. Light flashed in his eyes, and even as she trembled with her climax, her expression turned to shock as it grew, brighter and brighter. In a burst of brilliance it exploded, blinding her and sending her tumbling backwards.
When she could see, Xander was gone.
"What the fuck was that?" she asked, frowning in confusion as her orgasm quickly washed away at the strangeness of the event. "Xander?"
There was no answer. She furrowed her brow, and quickly looked under the bed. Not there. His smell still lingered in the room, mixed with her own aroused scent. She hadn't imagined him, right? No, of course not. If she was going to imagine fucking someone, it wouldn't be Xander. So where did he go?
*Okay Faith,* she thought. *This could be some Hellmouth shit. Hit the shower, then head back to the library. If you don't know where he is by then, you can tell Giles about it. Maybe...Maybe you just came so hard you hallucinated or some shit.*
It was possible. It had been pretty great, but not so great that she'd be seeing things. She'd had better.
She shook her head as she got up, not bothering to cover her nudity. She ran her fingers through her hair, and frowned at the bed one last time. *Weird.*
***
One second he was experiencing without doubt the greatest and most awesomest wonderfulness of all time, and the next he was...
Where?
He didn't seem to be anywhere. In fact, he didn't seem to be at all. All was blackness. He felt nothing, heard nothing, and saw nothing. No sensation at all. Just thought. He couldn't even call for help, cause it seemed as if he didn't have an actual body.
You needed a body, right? That wasn't one of those optional things you could just give up, was it? He'd have heard about that somewhere, he was sure. Health class, at the very least.
So where was he? Was he dead? Maybe that was it. Hadn't one of his last thoughts been, "I've died and gone to heaven?" Maybe he actually had.
Only this didn't feel like heaven. It didn't feel like anything. Limbo maybe? The thought made him think of conga music.
Though he had no mouth, he inwardly hummed a saucy beat, hoping to calm himself down a little. This couldn't last forever, right? Something had to happen. Something would have to...
COLD!
"Jiminy Christmas!" he exclaimed as his entire body shivered with cold. Then he frowned. Wait a second. He'd said something! And he'd heard himself saying it! And he'd felt something. Sure, it was feeling cold, but that was something, right?
Xander would have frowned if it were possible. Instead he concentrated further. He'd been thinking about something happening. He'd think about it again.
*Something happen,* he thought.
*Come, something. Start happening. Here we go. Right now. Happen! Okay, this time for real now. Here we go. We're getting ready and...Happen! Come on!*
He decided to try and different tactic.
*Oh dearie my,* he thought. *That's really rather cold. Oh dear, oh dear. I'm so cold. Brrr. That's right, got some feeling of cold coming by to make me very chilly. Here it comes.*
Nothing.
He tried for a long time.
***
Faith stood under the stream of hot water, mind still on Xander. This was not the kind of shit she wanted to deal with tonight. There was some major league apocalyptic type stuff going down. She'd decided to have a quickie with Xander to relieve some of her own tension, and she figured she owed him for him ramming that hell-bitch with his pretty sweet car.
Now instead of relaxing in the afterglow of a good fuck session, she was stressing over what the fuck had happened to him. She sighed, put her hands against the wall of the shower, and let the water run over the back of her head and back. The heat felt good against her muscles, soothing some of the ache she often had after a fight.
She was supposed to be back at the library within the hour. Apocalypse demons were going to try to open the Hellmouth, and everyone was working overtime. Well, everyone except Xander. For some reason he was just out roaming the streets in his car instead of helping out back at the library. Now that she thought about it that was a little weird. Usually Xander was knee-deep in this stuff with everyone else. Odd how she hadn't noticed he wasn't involved until now. She hadn't really thought about how weird it was when he came out of nowhere, saving her from that demon. If she found him, maybe she'd ask him what was up with that. Not that she cared, but it was kind of weird.
Would they even have time to worry about Xander that night? The Hellmouth opening was hella more important than Xander playing hide and seek. They'd probably have to deal with it tomorrow, assuming they were still alive.
She sighed, and let her mind go blank for a minute as she just relaxed under the water. After a moment she began to hum softly, an upbeat rhythm that had her head bobbing slightly. "Bump bump badda bump bump, badda baddada, bump!"
Her Slayer hearing heard the distant sound of a toilet flushing, and even before she could react with her supernaturally quick reflexes, the water of the shower turned ice cold.
"Jiminy Christmas!" she exclaimed, jumping back out of the way of the water as her entire body shivered with cold. She frowned a little. Jiminy Christmas? Where the fuck had that come from? The water gradually heated up again, and she let it slip from her mind.
She finished the rest of her shower quickly, not wanting to stick around for the water to go icy again.
Faith was fairly restless as she dried her hair and dressed. Something was going to happen tonight, that much she knew. She wished it would happen now, instead of making her wait for it, but that was the way the Hellmouth operated. Something could happen at any moment. Just look at what had apparently happened to Xander.
She pulled on the black denim jacket she'd decided to wear. It was sturdy and would provide some moderate protection in the violence that was sure to go down later. Standing in front of the mirror, she examined herself briefly.
"Oh yeah," she said with a grin. "Hot mama!"
Then she frowned. Hot mama? Fuck. She was definitely stressed out.
***
Xander was bored. He thought maybe he should be horribly upset and horrified, but really, boredom was the emotion of the moment. So far nothing more had happened since that brief moment of intense cold.
Not that he wasn't worried. Jack and his zombie buddies were probably out causing trouble right that second. Plus there was that whole apocalypse thing the others were apparently dealing with.
Nothing he could do about it just then though. He was a floating nothingness lost in a sea of floating nothingness. That was, if he calculated correctly, a lot of floating nothingness.
So he amused himself as he always did when there was nothing better to do. He fantasized about girls. And lucky for him, he'd just had his greatest experience of awesome wonderfulness. With Faith! That incredibly hot Slayer with the eyes, and the hair, and the breasts, and the hips and the butt and oh man. She was hot.
As he thought of her, an image suddenly came to him. Faith stood in front of him, wearing tight jeans, a blueish black sleeveless shirt, and a black denim jacket.
"Oh yeah," he said without thinking. "Hot mama!"
Then the image was gone, and he was once again without the power of speech.
Weird. It had just happened again. Okay, he needed to really think now.
*I had sex.*
No! Really think. The first time he'd been thinking about something happening, and then he'd felt cold and said, "Jiminy Christmas." This second time he'd been thinking about Faith and how hot she was, and then he'd seen her and said, "Oh yeah, hot mama."
So what did that mean? Well, logically speaking, each time he used one of his five senses, and was able to speak briefly. That was almost a pattern. Maybe he should try again.
*Okay. Think about Faith.*
She had an incredible body. Sexy beyond belief. Dark eyes, beautiful black hair, and these firm and round breasts that he'd actually gotten to touch! He recalled how her hot body had felt gripping his, her powerful gyrations atop him, and the scorching kisses they had shared as they'd had sex.
There was something. He was definitely feeling something. Arousal. It was a different kind of arousal than he was used to. Not so much centered in that particular part of his body, but diffused and general. Assuming he didn't actually have a body, it kind of made sense. Still, it was a feeling, and he would roll with it.
Buffy. She was hot too. Her body was lithe and tight, and he could still recall with perfect clarity the day he'd cast that foolish spell and she'd presented herself to him in that scandalously skimpy raincoat. The view of her long, luscious legs was incredible, and he could almost see the smooth skin at the top of her thigh as he reminisced. He loved her face, her sparkling blue-green eyes, and the way her nose kind of crooked to one side in the middle. He loved her laugh, and her bright smile. He loved the way she moved so sensuously, as she had the day she'd danced for him at the Bronze. Despite the humiliation of it, it had been good at first. Oh ye gods, had it been good.
He felt a slight pinch, and suddenly a flush of delicious heat. He groaned, and once again he actually heard himself doing it. Progress!
Now, if thinking about Faith had him feeling things, and thinking about Buffy had him feeling things, then logic dictated that thinking about Buffy and Faith would have him feeling even more things. He thanked Willow inwardly for teaching him about the Scientific method.
Ooh. Willow. He could add her in too. The more the merrier.
***
Faith walked quickly down the dark street, intent on getting to the library. There was still no sign of Xander. She'd done a quick search of both her motel room and the surrounding area, and there was no sign of him. His car was still parked in the lot, and other than the fact that he had a bunch of bags from a hardware store in there, there didn't seem to be anything out of place in it.
She was getting a little worried now. In part because, hey, she didn't want anything bad to happen to Xander. The dude was pretty cool, and a good lay. But she was also worried because she felt...
Weird. Off somehow. Like she couldn't concentrate quite right. For some reason the thought that she'd just had sex kept bouncing through her brain. So what if she'd had sex? She'd had lots of sex in her life. Sex with guys, sex with girls, once or twice with both at the same time. Sex was no big deal, it was just something to do to get her mind off things, and feel good for a while.
So how come she couldn't stop thinking about it? How come she couldn't stop thinking about someone caressing her firm, round breasts, and kissing her wetly on the lips? How come she couldn't stop thinking about how Xander's body had filled her so completely, and the incredible feeling of writing against him?
She licked her lips as she sped up. Maybe she just hadn't been able to really relieve her sexual tension, what with Xander disappearing on her. She'd been right in the middle of a kick-ass orgasm when he suddenly exploded in a flash of light. Maybe that's why she couldn't stop thinking about sex.
About Buffy.
Faith shut her eyes tightly as she walked swiftly down the street. It was not the first time she'd thought of Buffy this way. She was definitely pretty intrigued by her sister Slayer, and was really looking forward to being able to hang out with her one on one sometime. And yeah, maybe once or twice she'd thought about Buffy while she brought herself off. Buffy was fuckin' hot.
But now she blazed in her mind like never before. She could almost see Buffy, her lips pink and glossy, her hair framing that incredible face. Her sparkling greenish-blue eyes filled with lust as they twinkled at her. She could see her long, perfect legs running up to a tiny little trench coat, nothing else covering her body but a pair of black high heels.
She could see Buffy dancing for her in a dark club, her body swaying and gyrating to music she couldn't hear. The excruciating frustration of how hot it was made Faith stop, leaning back against a fence as, unable to help herself, she pinched her nipple through her top. A flush of heat washed over her, and she groaned with a shudder.
That seemed to help a little. Faith took a deep breath, looking around to be sure the street was deserted. She licked her lips again and exhaled. Maybe she was deeper into Buffy than she thought, if she could get that hot just thinking about her.
Whatever it was, it seemed to have passed, although Faith was still left with a general feeling of arousal. She just hoped it didn't distract her when the shit hit the fan later tonight.
She made it twelve steps before the thought of her, Buffy and Willow all writhing together in a large bed, naked and sweaty, assaulted her brain. She nearly fell to her knees with the hotness of it, and could do nothing until she ducked into a dark alleyway and put her fingers down her pants.
***
*Whoa!*
What was that? Xander would have shuddered had he been able. As it was, he was barely keeping a coherent thought in his head as his entire sense of self seemed to shudder with pleasure. He could feel...Fingers. Fingers caressing and probing, but caressing and probing what? It had an odd sense of unfamiliar familiarity, but...
*Holy shit,* he thought. *That's good.*
It had happened just as he was in the middle of an elaborate fantasy featuring Buffy, Willow, and Faith in a large bed. Each was naked, sweaty, and oh-so-very horny. And oops, Buffy just kissed Willow on the lips and, oh dear, Faith decided to stick her fingers in a very naughty place!
Just as he'd gotten to that point, he suddenly felt the incredible sensation. A sensation that was quickly rising as he could feel the fingers moving at a furious pace. Better and better, stronger and stronger the feeling came until all at once...
Bliss washed over him for a long moment or a short eternity. He could hear a low-throated moan of approval somewhere, but wasn't sure he was the one making the sound. Again, it was unfamiliar and familiar the same time.
The he blinked. He was looking at a brick wall in a dark alley. He could feel a cold wall on his back. But something felt different. Wrong.
"God damn," he said. Only he didn't say it. Something else said it for him. "Can't believe I'm friggin' myself in a fuckin' alley."
He tried to frown, but found he couldn't. He tried to look around, but found his eyes didn't obey him. He could feel, he could smell, he could hear, he could see and he could taste, but he had no control over anything. So when his body looked down, and he saw a very nice pair of breasts on *his* chest, he was unable to scream in surprise.
*What the fuck is that?* he demanded inwardly.
"The hell?" his voice said. His head whipped from side to side, searching for something. It was a dizzying sensation. Not only could he sense everything, but also everything felt enhanced. Stronger, brighter, more powerful. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, a slow, steady, powerful thumping. As his legs moved to explore the alleyway, he could feel that he was not moving as a man moved. Yet each stride was powerful and confident.
His (apparently female) body looked up and down the alleyway. "Who's there?" it asked in a feminine voice.
*Uh, Xander Harris?* he tried. It was a long shot.
"Xander?" he felt and heard himself say. "Where the fuck are you? You fuckin' vanished."
*Faith?*
"Yeah. I don't got time to play these fuckin' games, okay? There's major shit going down tonight."
*Yeah,* he snorted inwardly. *Zombies.*
"Where the fuck are you?"
*Uh, well, where are you?"
"In an alleyway."
*Then that's where I am, apparently.*
"What are you talking about?"
*This is starting to freak me out,* Faith thought.
*You and me both,* Xander thought back.
She paused, standing there in the middle of the alley. He could *feel* her mind processing, figuring out what must be going on, despite how strange it was.
*Are you...Are you in my head?* she thought to herself.
*I think so.*
"Then get the fuck out!" Faith screamed, smacking the side of her head and whirling around.
*I don't know how! I don't even know how I got here!*
"Get out! Get out, get out, get out!" She was starting to freak out, and he could feel he was starting to as well. Being a side passenger in a body was starting to get to him. He'd felt this way before. Twice before.
*Look, Faith. I don't know what the hell's going on, but I don't control it, okay? So...So just stop freaking out and go to the library or something, okay? Giles will know what to do.*
"Fuck Giles!" she screamed. "Fuck you! Get out of my head!"
*Fine, I'll see what I can do.*
He frowned inwardly and focused his concentration. Maybe he could will himself out of her body. She was freaking out.
Well of course she was. He'd be freaking out if someone was in his body, feeling everything he felt, and getting a kind of sideways glance at what they were thinking sometimes.
*Stop thinking about it and just go!* she thought angrily.
*Sorry,* he replied. *I'm trying.*
Okay. Think about leaving. Getting out. Getting out of Faith's body. Leaving. We're leaving. Getting out right now. Exiting. De-possessing. Although really, this didn't count as possession. He'd been possessed twice, and each time he was the one who couldn't move, couldn't talk, and couldn't control his own body. This was just like that, only this time he wasn't in his body being controlled by a Hyena or a Soldier, he was in Faith's body and being controlled by her.
Which, when he thought about it, was really pretty unfair. He should at least get an arm or something. Then he could type out messages to people or snap his fingers or...
Snap.
"Hey!" Faith yelled to no one. "Cut that shit out!"
*I did that?* Xander asked. *I snapped your fingers?*
"Fuck this," Faith muttered. "We're going to the library and we're fuckin' getting your fuckin' ass out of my fuckin' head before I fuckin' kill someone."
*Language,* he admonished playfully.
"Fuck you!"
*Hey,* he thought a few moments later.
"What?" she growled as she walked swiftly towards the school.
*Sorry about snapping your fingers. I didn't mean to get you freaked out or anything.*
"Yeah, why the fuck should I freak out about having some jackass running around in my head listening to my thoughts?"
*Sorry,* he thought sincerely. *Not like I planned this. I thought my night was going to revolve around Zombies.*
*Zombies? What's he talking about?* she wondered.
*This guy Jack, he's got a gang of Zombies. They're sort of forced me to help the rob a hardware store.*
Faith fumed slightly at him answering a private thought. At the same time though, she realized that must be why he had all those bags in his car filled with cans of kerosene, wires, and a timer.
*Kerosene?* he asked. *Oh my god. They weren't baking a cake! They're building a bomb!*
***
Faith tried to keep her thoughts neutral as she entered the school, but it was hard to force yourself not to think. Even now, Xander was probably listening in on her inner struggle to not give him anything more to listen in on.
*I'm not doing it on purpose,* he thought/said.
*Good for you,* she thought darkly.
*If it's any consolation, I know how you feel.*
"How the fuck would you know that?"
"Know what?" asked Willow as she rounded the corner. She had three large books in her hands. "Who are you talking to?"
"Nobody," Faith said.
*Hey, I have a name, you know.*
*Shut the fuck up.*
Willow frowned at her slightly. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm cool. Just, you know, looking forward to tonight," she replied, grinning a little nervously. Before she could stop herself, she recalled that incredible fantasy that had pierced through her mind earlier, in which Willow was a prime participant.
*Whoa,* Xander thought, catching a glimpse of Faith's remembered fantasy. His remembered fantasy.
*You put that shit in my head!?*
*Uh, no?* he lied.
She growled without realizing it, and Willow took a step back from her.
This fucking bastard was the reason she'd felt herself up in the middle of a dark alleyway! He was the reason she was so damned horny since leaving the hotel.
*Sorry,* he said sheepishly. *I was just trying to feel something.*
*Feel something?*
He gave a mental shrug, not really wanting to talk about it. But as with Faith, he was unable to keep himself from thinking it. The experience of being nothing but a formless consciousness without sensation was related to Faith at the speed of thought.
She gasped and stumbled backwards, as Xander inadvertently related the entire experience to Faith's mind in the space of a second. From the fear and confusion, the hope at brief moments of sensation, and even his own personal thoughts about her during the time immediately following their lovemaking. Lovemaking. That's how he thought of it.
*What's wrong with that?* he wondered.
*We fucked,* she corrected. *We didn't make love.*
But her casual indifference was belied by her deeper thoughts, thoughts that he was able to feel, just as she felt his. She was shocked at how well he'd handled the strange experience of being without form, and impressed by his lack of panic. How could she blame him for doing what he'd done? He'd been in a blank nothingness, and was just doing what worked to find a way out.
"Faith?" Willow asked, carefully taking a step towards her. "A-Are you okay? Do you want me to get Giles?"
Faith realized she was on the cold linoleum floor of the school. Willow was looking down at her with concern.
*Good ol' Willow,* Xander thought. The sincerity of it was so strong that Faith smiled slightly.
"Uh, no, I'm good, Red. Just, dizzy for a second, that's all. I skipped lunch."
"Oh, okay," Willow said, not sounding completely convinced. "Well, i-if you need money or something for the vending machine, let me know. You're going to need to be a hundred percent, even if this spell works."
"I'm good. Got some bills on me."
*No you don't,* Xander realized. *And you haven't eaten since...Since yesterday!*
*Who gives a shit?* she thought back at him angrily. Yet at the same time, she felt a flush of shame that he knew she was living on the money she'd taken from her Watcher's secret stash the day she'd died.
*Jeez, Faith. You shoulda told someone. Buffy and Willow always give me some of their lunch anyway, w-we could have shared. And Giles could help you with money or something, I bet the Council-*
*Stop,* she thought miserably. But a deeper part of her was relieved that someone finally knew about the truth of her situation. And he was...He genuinely wanted to do what he could to help her. She could feel what he felt, think what he thought.
*Faith,* he said. *Why don't you ask her for a few bucks? I-I'll pay Willow back later if you want, but you're eating for two now, and maybe you'll feel better if you eat something.*
She didn't argue, but neither did she speak up. He gave her a kind of mental nudge.
"Hey Wills?" she said, half herself and half Xander.
Willow frowned and turned back to her. "Yeah?"
"Could I, uh, could I borrow a few bucks? I actually uh, I left my money back at my place."
"Yeah, sure," Willow said, reaching into her pocket and removing a few dollars. She handed them to Faith, who took them awkwardly, stuffing them in her jeans pocket.
"Thanks," she said, not looking directly at Willow.
"No problem," Willow replied. She gestured back at the library. "I have to go help Giles set up the spell. We moved Oz by the way, so don't go down into the maintenance room unless you want to get mauled by a hungover werewolf."
"Yeah," Faith said quietly. "Sure."
***
Xander was right. She felt better after she'd purchased a few snacks and chowed down. On Xander's suggestion she'd bought a Twinkie. Normally she thought they were okay, but oh man, she didn't think she'd ever eaten anything so good before.
*The Xander, he knows his processed cakes,* Xander thought jokingly.
"Yeah," Faith said, sitting in the darkened cafeteria by herself, only not by herself.
*You know what I call this?* Xander thought.
"What?" she asked, her voice muffled as she took another bite of the Twinkie.
*A learning experience.*
She chuckled briefly, and was surprised at that. Both that she could laugh during such a strange situation, and at how happy it made Xander when someone laughed at his jokes. Only he was also happy that *she* was happy, and that was maybe the strangest thing of all.
*What's so strange about that?* he wondered. *You're my friend.*
She was?
*Of course you are. Aren't you?*
She'd never really thought of Xander as a friend. She'd never really thought of anyone as a friend. Buffy, maybe, but even she was more of a...
*Shit,* she thought.
*Whoa. Well now I know we have something in common. Crushes on the Buffster. Wow.*
She nearly gasped as she felt the level of his own feelings for Buffy. They swirled and combined with her own, and she had to close her eyes to calm herself.
*Wow,* he thought. *Intense.*
"Yeah," she replied taking a deep breath. This situation was getting stranger and stranger.
Her hand suddenly moved of its own accord, patting her on the opposite shoulder.
*There there,* Xander thought with amusement.
Faith grinned despite herself. "Quit it."
Her hand relaxed, once again under her own control. She worried what it might mean that Xander could, for a time anyway, control her arm.
*Hey, I'd never do anything bad with it,* he thought. *I'm just goofing around.*
And he was. There was no lying between them now, no dishonesty at all. It was if they were both opened up completely to each other, with no barriers between them at all. Now that was frightening, which was something they both agreed on.
She got up quickly, as both of their minds were trying desperately not to think of things they didn't want the other to know. Faith saw Xander's father raising his fist, a bottle of some dark liquid in his other hand. Xander saw Faith's mother grinning at her with heavy-lidded eyes, a needle hanging from her arm. Faith saw Xander making jokes about how he was constantly hungry no matter how much he ate, in order to cover up the fact that he often didn't eat regular meals at home, or had no money to buy them at school. Xander saw Faith's Watcher, soaked in her own blood and screaming in pain. Faith saw Jesse's eyes go wide as Xander's stake pierced his heart, dusting his best friend.
Faith burst through the double doors of the library. "Giles!"
Giles jumped in startled surprise, nearly knocking over the candle he was carefully lighting. "Good heavens!" He clutched a hand to his chest.
"Oh, sorry G-Man," she said.
"Y-Yes," Giles flustered, taking several deep breaths. "D-Do be careful in the future, would you, Faith? This is a very delicate spell, and there's not much time to prepare it." He sighed and leaned forward, carefully lighting the candle. Then he stood up and looked over at her.
"Was there something you needed?"
"Uh, yeah," Faith said, wringing her hands. "I got uh, kind of a problem."
"Unless it absolutely cannot wait until tomorrow, Faith, might it hold off until then? If this spell is not prepared in time, it could very well mean the end of everything."
Faith looked down at the intersecting black lines of the design drawn on the floor of the library.
*I can wait if you can,* Xander thought.
Faith stared at it for a moment, then looked back at Giles. "Yeah, uh, I guess it could wait."
"Very well then. If you'll excuse me, I need to find some sage," he left her to return to his office.
*Now what?* she thought to herself.
*Zombie bomb?" Xander suggested.
"Shit," Faith whispered, glancing at the clock on the wall. They were supposed to be doing the spell in less than fifteen minutes.
*Just a quick sweep of the school,* Xander said. *If a bomb goes off in the middle of the spell, everyone's kind of in trouble.*
"True," Faith replied. She cracked her knuckles and bobbed her head from side to side.
*Ack,* Xander thought. *That felt weird.*
*So you're actually feeling everything I feel?* Faith wondered as she began her sweep of the school. She moved from room to room swiftly, letting her Slayer senses quickly take in everything before moving on.
*Yeah,* Xander replied as they moved. *Just like when the Hyena was in control of me. I see, I feel, I hear, but I can't do anything.*
*Except snap my fingers,* she reminded.
*Oh yeah, well that's different, I guess.*
*So you could feel...this?* she asked, cupping her breast in one hand.
*Sweet fancy Moses!* he exclaimed. Faith grinned and gave herself a quick pinch and a squeeze, then shuddered at the heightened feel of it as the sensation looped through Xander and back to her. *How do you not do that every second of every day?*
*Doesn't usually feel like that,* Faith thought back. *I think you're making it feel better.*
*You're welcome,* he thought brashly. She grinned.
***
Xander gave Faith the rundown on his experiences that day as they searched. The reason for this was threefold. The first was that he was just naturally going over the events in his head, and thus, Faith got a firsthand account of everything. The second was that it helped bring her up to speed with who these zombie guys were, and what Xander had been doing that night. The third was that it kept both of their minds occupied, and away from the things they'd rather not be thinking about. Forcing their minds not to think about unpleasant things was something they were both well practiced at.
Of course, it also meant that Faith knew everything about what had happened to him. About how Cordelia had been taunting him about his role as the Zeppo, about how he'd been bullied and frightened by Jack, about how he'd reacted to Faith fighting the member of the Sisterhood of Jhe without thought, ramming his car into the demon to save her. She knew about how nervous he was at his first time having sex, and she knew about how amazed he was that it was with someone as beautiful as her.
The strange thing was that Faith seemed genuinely surprised at his feelings. Apparently she'd pictured him as a kind of lowlife goofball, kind of good looking and kind of funny, but not really worth a second look. It hurt to know that was what Faith had thought of him, but he could also feel her attitude changing as their intimate exchange of thoughts and feelings continued. Faith was stunned by Xander's already deep caring for her, including the idyllic notion he had that they shared some kind of connection because they'd had sex.
*Technically we do share a connection,* Xander pointed out to her when she thought that. She was forced to agree, and they were both surprised to find that they kind of liked the idea.
*What do you think happened?* Faith wondered as she made her way into the basement, the final check of the school.
*No clue,* Xander said. *One second I was feeling, uh, really, really good, and the next I was just kind of nowhere. What was it like on your end?*
Though they both knew the hidden reason he'd ask the question, she flashed back to the event anyway. Xander's ego grew a bit as he felt Faith's reminiscing on her feelings as she and Xander had sex, even as he was a little perturbed that she'd though of him as just a quick lay. Still, that she'd enjoyed it so much on his first time was a great boost to him, not to mention that remembering the deed was exciting them both again, as their arousal looped between them.
*I was right in the middle of cumming when you just kind flashed out,* Faith finished. Xander was surprised at how Faith didn't really mind talking, or rather, thinking, about sex. To Faith, sex was just something to be enjoyed whenever possible.
*Damn,* Xander thought jokingly. *Wish I'd known that about you sooner. I would have happily scratched that itch any time you wanted.*
Faith grinned to herself as she opened the basement door, flipping on the lights. Yesterday she probably wouldn't have entertained the idea of Xander as fuck-buddy, but after sharing a brain with him, she was clearly seeing him in a different light.
*Oh dear Lord,* Xander prayed fervently. *Please let me find a way back to my body so I may sex Faith up.*
Faith guffawed, surprising herself at how loud it was in the basement.
"What was that?" came a voice.
*That's them!* Xander thought quickly. *That was Jack's voice!*
"I'm on it," Faith whispered.
The voice had come from the Boiler Room. She quickly burst through the door, and found the four zombies grinning as they strung together a bomb. Luckily it had yet to be armed.
"Hi boys," Faith grinned seductively. "Whatcha up to? Makin' a bomb? Gee. That's...Pretty fuckin' stupid!"
Faith flowed into the room like water, grabbing the most decomposed by his head and cracking it against Jack's face. Jack stumbled back, crying out as she kicked into the biggest's stomach. He grunted and doubled over, and she quickly snapped a spinning kick into his face, tearing his rotting head from his shoulders. She flipped back, slamming her elbow into the last one's face, gripping his head over her shoulders, and pulling down with a quick *crack.* Then she surged towards the first, tearing his arms off with a quick yank. He screamed in pain and fear, and she quickly silenced him by snapping his neck. Then she turned on Jack.
"H-Hey, hold on a second!" he said quickly. "C-Can't we talk about this?"
She thought about it for a second. "What do you think? Should I talk to him about it?"
*Hmm,* Xander pretended to think. *I'm gonna say no.*
"W-Who are you talkin' to?" Jack gulped.
"My invisible friend that lives in my brain," Faith grinned. "He says I don't talk."
"B-B-But."
"Sucks to be you," she shrugged, suddenly grabbing his head in both hands and yanking down hard. Jack cried out as his head was torn from his body.
*Wow,* Xander thought. *That was really, really gruesome.*
"Another day, another dollar," Faith shrugged. He could sense the truth behind her words. This was an everyday thing for a Slayer.
*That kind of sucks,* Xander said sympathetically. *Hey, you want me to think about Buffy some more to kind of cleanse the ol' mental palate?*
Faith chuckled as she tossed the unfinished bomb into the trash. "You know what? In about five minutes we're gonna face down some really heavy shit. So hit me with your best shot until then."
*You got it,* Xander said, and for a second Faith wore his grin on her face. *"Buffy, naked in a tub of jell-o with nothing but a pair of high heels on" it is.* Then he let his imagination fly.
Faith wore a very content smile on her face as she made her way back to the library.
***
*Buffy's down!* Xander thought quickly. *The heart! Go for the heart!*
"Shut up!" Faith yelled. "I know!"
*Sorry,* he thought. *You're good. You're good. Whoa! Duck!*
She ducked before she could respond, a powerful claw swiping just over her head. It would have torn her throat out.
"Holy shit," she said in near shock.
*Faith! Get moving!* Xander prompted. Faith shook her head, pushing the near-miss aside as she gripped her ax tighter in hand.
"Die, fucker!" she screamed as she dove past three flailing tentacles, intent on reaching the thing's heart. One of the Sisterhood tackled her, throwing her off course and against a bookcase. She flipped to her feet quickly, decking the she-bitch in the face. For almost a full minute they traded blows, Faith pouring every ounce of strength she had into her punches.
"Go down!" she screamed. "Go down! Go down!"
*Go down!* Xander thought intensely, swinging "his" fist along with her. There was a heavy thud that was heard over the din of the battle, and the Apocalypse Demon sailed back across the library.
"Holy shit," Faith repeated, looking at her fist in awe. She spoke in a low voice, unheard by any of the others. "Was that me, or was that you?"
*I think it was both of us,* Xander thought, stunned.
"Wicked."
***
Faith lay in her crappy bed in her crappy motel room, staring up at the crappy ceiling.
*Hey cheer up,* Xander thought. *You lived, right? Everybody lived.*
"Except you," she pointed out.
*Hey, I'm alive until proven dead,* Xander replied. *Haven't you ever seen every gangster movie ever made? No body, no dead guy.*
She smiled slightly, and then sighed, rolling over and hugging the pillow to herself. "Sorry I didn't talk to Giles before he left."
*No biggie,* Xander thought. *He was pretty banged up anyway. I can last the night if you can.*
She nodded pitifully.
*Can you?* he asked.
"What?"
*Can you last the night? Is this, like, totally awful for you?*
Of course that made them both flash to the terrible exchange of unpleasant memories they'd shared. Yet even as she was mortified that Xander was now aware of her past, she could feel him just as mortified that she was aware of his. And that they both felt...
Relieved. Relieved that someone finally new the truth. Someone that they wouldn't have to explain all the details that couldn't be explained. Someone who didn't need to be protected from the truth, because such protection was impossible. They both simply knew what it was like to have experienced some of the things the other experienced. She had to admit, it was kind of nice, especially since Xander thought the same thing.
*It's not awful,* she thought, closing her eyes. *Besides, at least I can move.*
She could feel his carefully managed calm. He'd been trying very hard all night not to panic at his almost total lack of control over "his" body. It impressed her, which in turn made it easier for him to do.
*I'm sorry Faith, I just don't get why you're feeling so bad.*
She shrugged. *I dunno. Sometimes I just feel bad for no reason.*
*Or maybe you just don't let yourself think of the reason,* he suggested. *I do that sometimes. Mope around my room wondering why I'm in a funk, until I realize it's because I'm sitting in my crappy room and realizing how much I hate it there.*
Faith sighed and opened her eyes. *I hate this place.*
*I know,* he replied.
*I wish I could get out of here.*
She felt her shoulders shrug of their own accord, and she grinned slightly.
*So let's get you out of here,* Xander said to go along with the shrug.
*How?*
*Talk to Giles about it, that'd probably work. He's a Watcher, after all. His job is to keep you safe. Even if he says he won't help, which is totally doubtful, you could always guilt him into it if Buffy's around.*
*I dunno,* Faith thought. She didn't want to be beholden to anyone.
*Hey, doesn't hurt to try, does it? And if he wants something from you, so what? You're the Slayer, and could kick his scrawny English butt with your pinky toe.*
She grinned. That was true. Still, she didn't like the idea of going to him for help if she didn't have to.
Xander sighed inwardly. He'd offer to let her stay with him, assuming he ever got back to his body, but knew his house was hardly an improvement over the motel.
*Yeah, you just want your fuck-buddy close,* Faith scowled to herself. Then she frowned. The thought had genuinely surprised Xander. He hadn't been thinking about sex with her at all in that circumstance.
Although he certainly was no.
*Damn, X,* she grinned. *You sure as hell think about sex a lot.*
*Hey I'm a red-blooded American teen,* he said. *I can't help it. And don't change the subject. You should ask Giles.*
She scowled and looked up at the ceiling again. "I'll think about it, okay?"
*You better,* Xander thought sternly. *Cause remember, I'll know if you don't.*
Faith took a deep breath, putting her hands on her firm stomach, and smiled slightly at Xander's thoughts of the feel of this part of her body. Despite the amusing nature of that, she wondered how they were going to get through the night. Wondered how...He was going to get through the night.
"You going to be okay?" she whispered, alone in her tiny motel room. Alone, but not truly alone.
Xander thought on that. It was hard to say if he'd be okay. Despite her initial freaking out, Faith was being a lot nicer about this than he'd ever expect. In fact, in the last few hours, she'd been thinking more about how it was affecting him than about how it was affecting her, which surprised him greatly.
*You saying I'm a selfish prick?* Faith joked.
*I'm saying that I'm glad I'm getting to know the real you,* Xander thought back. *It's even better than the version I thought I knew.*
Xander felt "his" face flush red, and the grin on her face as she buried her face in the pillow.
*This sucks,* she thought a minute later. She didn't like that he knew how she really felt about corny praise like that. She also didn't like that he knew she really liked that he now knew that. She also didn't like that he knew she knew that he knew that...
*Okay, whoa, stop,* Xander thought. *You're going to make us both crazy. Yeah, it's weird that we both kind of get the pure unedited reaction to anything we say, but I say we look on the bright side. This is crash-course friendship stuff here.*
It was embarassing, that was all. Faith wasn't used to someone being able to see past every one of her defenses. Likewise, Xander wasn't used to that either. One used brashness, the other used humor. Both hid how they really felt, and the lives they lived. Faith hated that Xander knew how much she craved being treated like a nice, normal girl. And Xander hated how Faith knew how much he wanted to be respected by his friends.
They hated it, and they loved it. Finally, someone knew.
*It's suckiness and greatness rolled up into one,* Xander thought a few moments later.
"Yeah," she whispered. She was exhausted, and beginning to drift off to sleep. Only her mind continued to envision the terrible creature they'd fought that night. "Hey Xander?"
*Yeah?*
"You think you could, you know, do that thinking thing?"
*Oh so now you want me to think about sex?*
She grinned. "Just until I fall asleep." *Please?*
He could feel her heartfelt need. The need for a comforting presence, the need for a distraction from the terrors of her life.
*You really do have a crush on Buffy, huh?*
Faith turned red again. *A little. I'm not always into girls, but...Buffy's different.*
*I know what you mean,* Xander thought wistfully. They "both" sighed.
*I think I like her more now that you're here,* Faith thought. *It was just a fantasy crush before, but since you've been here, when I think about her, it's like...Damn*
*Maybe I'm rubbing off on you. Or maybe it's like how it feels better when you, uh, you know. Touch yourself. You feel it, then I feel it, and then it feeds back between us. So maybe I like Buffy, you like Buffy, and then it just circles back and forth getting bigger and bigger.*
*Maybe,* she thought, her eyes heavy.
*Okay, I'll see what I can come up with. How about Buffy pushing you up against one of the bookcases in the back of the stacks, and pulling down your pants.*
*Hell yeah,* Faith thought, smiling as Xander began to form the fantasy. Without thinking, she let her fingers slide down between her legs as she fell asleep. She wasn't quite sure who was controlling them, but she didn't care either way. Her last thought before falling asleep was, *I'm glad you're here, Xander.*
Oh, by the way, I really wish I could get indenting to work on this or any of the other places I post fanfiction. I guess that's one of those sacrifices you make for posting your stuff on the internet. I'm sure there's a way to get it to work, but it would probably require a bit of tagging throughout the whole fic, which I'm not about to do. So just know that I was hitting TAB with every new paragraph when I wrote this and every one of my other stories, but it just never comes across once it gets posted. C'est la vie.
Title: The Zeppo in Mind
Author: M. McGregor (apparently, you can call me Mac.) AKA: erstwhile_visionary@yahoo.com
Summary: As Xander is with Faith in the Zeppo, he suddenly vanishes. Faith can't find him, but is he really so far away?
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I don't even own the humorous disclaimer I was going to put here.
Rating: I'm saying R to NC17, although R is probably a little closer. There's some risque stuff in here, and there may be an expanded love scene or fifty (generous estimate) in the future. I'm terrible at figuring out ratings though, so it's NC17 if I'm erring on the side of caution. If it matters, the NC17 is for sexuality, not violence, which I do think is pretty silly, but it's the world we live in.
Pairings: F/X (sort of), F/B, B/X (sort of) and F/B/X (also sort of). Mainly F/X (sort of) for a while.
Author's note: So this story, I dunno, it kind of just popped into my brain a few nights ago, whilest I was tossing and turning in a feverish state of horrible sickness. I don't know if that translates to the quality of the story, you all can be the judge. I'm not entirely sure where it's going to lead me, but I'm really pretty excited about it so far. Maybe I'm nuts.
This story's also a little weird because I may not be able to post future chapters on certain mailing lists, cause I think there may be a kind of m/m slash thing at some point. Generally I don't write that kind of thing, not because I have a problem with it, but it's just not really my thing to write. Other people do a fine job with that. But the story might kind of warrant it, and I know that there are some people who would go apeshit if Xander was involved in any kind of m/m thing. Anyway, if you're one of those people, don't worry, I will warn you before you get to that chapter, assuming I even write it. I hope most people really don't care one way or the other, as long as the story doesn't stink beyond all that is possible.
Also, I guess I'm cutting this up into two parts, since it's too long to be one. The break is entirely arbitrary though, so far this is all just one big part of the story. I'm not really going with actual chapters on this one.
She rocked her hips against him, luxuriating in the feeling of his hardness inside of her. This was exactly what she needed after a fight with no kill. A good solid fuck. She'd even had the good luck to find a decent looking guy to do the deed. A decent looking guy who was doing a more than decent job at it, too.
Definite room for improvement, but you couldn't fault his enthusiasm. His back arched and he rose to meet her. She grunted.
Oh yeah, definitely couldn't fault his enthusiasm. Made sense, she figured. If there was one thing Xander Harris had a lot of, it was enthusiasm. That, and a really nice di-
She groaned, her brain no longer caring to make coherent thoughts. This was her favorite part. The part where she wasn't herself anymore, where she didn't care about anything, worry about anything, or remember anything. The part where all that mattered was him inside of her, and the overwhelming waves of pleasure. His hands on her body, her hands on his. Hot, wet kisses being exchanged as the passion mounted.
This was the best part. This was why she did it so often.
"Ugh, Xander," she groaned as his hands snaked through her hair. He whispered her name, and then whispered it again. Faster, with more urgency. He was almost there. So was she. Just a few more moments. She ground against him, biting her lip, one hand on her breast, kneading the soft flesh. It was building faster and faster, in time with his rhythmic thrusts. She was almost...
"Xander!" she cried, her body spasming as her climax overtook her. He groaned wordlessly, and she closed her eyes with the exquisite beauty of it. She shut her eyes, riding the wave of pleasure for every bit she could get, and on a whim, she leaned over to kiss him deeply and groan into his mouth.
Their lips met, and the taste was sweet and wonderful. Then Xander went rigid underneath her, and his eyes opened wide. Light flashed in his eyes, and even as she trembled with her climax, her expression turned to shock as it grew, brighter and brighter. In a burst of brilliance it exploded, blinding her and sending her tumbling backwards.
When she could see, Xander was gone.
"What the fuck was that?" she asked, frowning in confusion as her orgasm quickly washed away at the strangeness of the event. "Xander?"
There was no answer. She furrowed her brow, and quickly looked under the bed. Not there. His smell still lingered in the room, mixed with her own aroused scent. She hadn't imagined him, right? No, of course not. If she was going to imagine fucking someone, it wouldn't be Xander. So where did he go?
*Okay Faith,* she thought. *This could be some Hellmouth shit. Hit the shower, then head back to the library. If you don't know where he is by then, you can tell Giles about it. Maybe...Maybe you just came so hard you hallucinated or some shit.*
It was possible. It had been pretty great, but not so great that she'd be seeing things. She'd had better.
She shook her head as she got up, not bothering to cover her nudity. She ran her fingers through her hair, and frowned at the bed one last time. *Weird.*
***
One second he was experiencing without doubt the greatest and most awesomest wonderfulness of all time, and the next he was...
Where?
He didn't seem to be anywhere. In fact, he didn't seem to be at all. All was blackness. He felt nothing, heard nothing, and saw nothing. No sensation at all. Just thought. He couldn't even call for help, cause it seemed as if he didn't have an actual body.
You needed a body, right? That wasn't one of those optional things you could just give up, was it? He'd have heard about that somewhere, he was sure. Health class, at the very least.
So where was he? Was he dead? Maybe that was it. Hadn't one of his last thoughts been, "I've died and gone to heaven?" Maybe he actually had.
Only this didn't feel like heaven. It didn't feel like anything. Limbo maybe? The thought made him think of conga music.
Though he had no mouth, he inwardly hummed a saucy beat, hoping to calm himself down a little. This couldn't last forever, right? Something had to happen. Something would have to...
COLD!
"Jiminy Christmas!" he exclaimed as his entire body shivered with cold. Then he frowned. Wait a second. He'd said something! And he'd heard himself saying it! And he'd felt something. Sure, it was feeling cold, but that was something, right?
Xander would have frowned if it were possible. Instead he concentrated further. He'd been thinking about something happening. He'd think about it again.
*Something happen,* he thought.
*Come, something. Start happening. Here we go. Right now. Happen! Okay, this time for real now. Here we go. We're getting ready and...Happen! Come on!*
He decided to try and different tactic.
*Oh dearie my,* he thought. *That's really rather cold. Oh dear, oh dear. I'm so cold. Brrr. That's right, got some feeling of cold coming by to make me very chilly. Here it comes.*
Nothing.
He tried for a long time.
***
Faith stood under the stream of hot water, mind still on Xander. This was not the kind of shit she wanted to deal with tonight. There was some major league apocalyptic type stuff going down. She'd decided to have a quickie with Xander to relieve some of her own tension, and she figured she owed him for him ramming that hell-bitch with his pretty sweet car.
Now instead of relaxing in the afterglow of a good fuck session, she was stressing over what the fuck had happened to him. She sighed, put her hands against the wall of the shower, and let the water run over the back of her head and back. The heat felt good against her muscles, soothing some of the ache she often had after a fight.
She was supposed to be back at the library within the hour. Apocalypse demons were going to try to open the Hellmouth, and everyone was working overtime. Well, everyone except Xander. For some reason he was just out roaming the streets in his car instead of helping out back at the library. Now that she thought about it that was a little weird. Usually Xander was knee-deep in this stuff with everyone else. Odd how she hadn't noticed he wasn't involved until now. She hadn't really thought about how weird it was when he came out of nowhere, saving her from that demon. If she found him, maybe she'd ask him what was up with that. Not that she cared, but it was kind of weird.
Would they even have time to worry about Xander that night? The Hellmouth opening was hella more important than Xander playing hide and seek. They'd probably have to deal with it tomorrow, assuming they were still alive.
She sighed, and let her mind go blank for a minute as she just relaxed under the water. After a moment she began to hum softly, an upbeat rhythm that had her head bobbing slightly. "Bump bump badda bump bump, badda baddada, bump!"
Her Slayer hearing heard the distant sound of a toilet flushing, and even before she could react with her supernaturally quick reflexes, the water of the shower turned ice cold.
"Jiminy Christmas!" she exclaimed, jumping back out of the way of the water as her entire body shivered with cold. She frowned a little. Jiminy Christmas? Where the fuck had that come from? The water gradually heated up again, and she let it slip from her mind.
She finished the rest of her shower quickly, not wanting to stick around for the water to go icy again.
Faith was fairly restless as she dried her hair and dressed. Something was going to happen tonight, that much she knew. She wished it would happen now, instead of making her wait for it, but that was the way the Hellmouth operated. Something could happen at any moment. Just look at what had apparently happened to Xander.
She pulled on the black denim jacket she'd decided to wear. It was sturdy and would provide some moderate protection in the violence that was sure to go down later. Standing in front of the mirror, she examined herself briefly.
"Oh yeah," she said with a grin. "Hot mama!"
Then she frowned. Hot mama? Fuck. She was definitely stressed out.
***
Xander was bored. He thought maybe he should be horribly upset and horrified, but really, boredom was the emotion of the moment. So far nothing more had happened since that brief moment of intense cold.
Not that he wasn't worried. Jack and his zombie buddies were probably out causing trouble right that second. Plus there was that whole apocalypse thing the others were apparently dealing with.
Nothing he could do about it just then though. He was a floating nothingness lost in a sea of floating nothingness. That was, if he calculated correctly, a lot of floating nothingness.
So he amused himself as he always did when there was nothing better to do. He fantasized about girls. And lucky for him, he'd just had his greatest experience of awesome wonderfulness. With Faith! That incredibly hot Slayer with the eyes, and the hair, and the breasts, and the hips and the butt and oh man. She was hot.
As he thought of her, an image suddenly came to him. Faith stood in front of him, wearing tight jeans, a blueish black sleeveless shirt, and a black denim jacket.
"Oh yeah," he said without thinking. "Hot mama!"
Then the image was gone, and he was once again without the power of speech.
Weird. It had just happened again. Okay, he needed to really think now.
*I had sex.*
No! Really think. The first time he'd been thinking about something happening, and then he'd felt cold and said, "Jiminy Christmas." This second time he'd been thinking about Faith and how hot she was, and then he'd seen her and said, "Oh yeah, hot mama."
So what did that mean? Well, logically speaking, each time he used one of his five senses, and was able to speak briefly. That was almost a pattern. Maybe he should try again.
*Okay. Think about Faith.*
She had an incredible body. Sexy beyond belief. Dark eyes, beautiful black hair, and these firm and round breasts that he'd actually gotten to touch! He recalled how her hot body had felt gripping his, her powerful gyrations atop him, and the scorching kisses they had shared as they'd had sex.
There was something. He was definitely feeling something. Arousal. It was a different kind of arousal than he was used to. Not so much centered in that particular part of his body, but diffused and general. Assuming he didn't actually have a body, it kind of made sense. Still, it was a feeling, and he would roll with it.
Buffy. She was hot too. Her body was lithe and tight, and he could still recall with perfect clarity the day he'd cast that foolish spell and she'd presented herself to him in that scandalously skimpy raincoat. The view of her long, luscious legs was incredible, and he could almost see the smooth skin at the top of her thigh as he reminisced. He loved her face, her sparkling blue-green eyes, and the way her nose kind of crooked to one side in the middle. He loved her laugh, and her bright smile. He loved the way she moved so sensuously, as she had the day she'd danced for him at the Bronze. Despite the humiliation of it, it had been good at first. Oh ye gods, had it been good.
He felt a slight pinch, and suddenly a flush of delicious heat. He groaned, and once again he actually heard himself doing it. Progress!
Now, if thinking about Faith had him feeling things, and thinking about Buffy had him feeling things, then logic dictated that thinking about Buffy and Faith would have him feeling even more things. He thanked Willow inwardly for teaching him about the Scientific method.
Ooh. Willow. He could add her in too. The more the merrier.
***
Faith walked quickly down the dark street, intent on getting to the library. There was still no sign of Xander. She'd done a quick search of both her motel room and the surrounding area, and there was no sign of him. His car was still parked in the lot, and other than the fact that he had a bunch of bags from a hardware store in there, there didn't seem to be anything out of place in it.
She was getting a little worried now. In part because, hey, she didn't want anything bad to happen to Xander. The dude was pretty cool, and a good lay. But she was also worried because she felt...
Weird. Off somehow. Like she couldn't concentrate quite right. For some reason the thought that she'd just had sex kept bouncing through her brain. So what if she'd had sex? She'd had lots of sex in her life. Sex with guys, sex with girls, once or twice with both at the same time. Sex was no big deal, it was just something to do to get her mind off things, and feel good for a while.
So how come she couldn't stop thinking about it? How come she couldn't stop thinking about someone caressing her firm, round breasts, and kissing her wetly on the lips? How come she couldn't stop thinking about how Xander's body had filled her so completely, and the incredible feeling of writing against him?
She licked her lips as she sped up. Maybe she just hadn't been able to really relieve her sexual tension, what with Xander disappearing on her. She'd been right in the middle of a kick-ass orgasm when he suddenly exploded in a flash of light. Maybe that's why she couldn't stop thinking about sex.
About Buffy.
Faith shut her eyes tightly as she walked swiftly down the street. It was not the first time she'd thought of Buffy this way. She was definitely pretty intrigued by her sister Slayer, and was really looking forward to being able to hang out with her one on one sometime. And yeah, maybe once or twice she'd thought about Buffy while she brought herself off. Buffy was fuckin' hot.
But now she blazed in her mind like never before. She could almost see Buffy, her lips pink and glossy, her hair framing that incredible face. Her sparkling greenish-blue eyes filled with lust as they twinkled at her. She could see her long, perfect legs running up to a tiny little trench coat, nothing else covering her body but a pair of black high heels.
She could see Buffy dancing for her in a dark club, her body swaying and gyrating to music she couldn't hear. The excruciating frustration of how hot it was made Faith stop, leaning back against a fence as, unable to help herself, she pinched her nipple through her top. A flush of heat washed over her, and she groaned with a shudder.
That seemed to help a little. Faith took a deep breath, looking around to be sure the street was deserted. She licked her lips again and exhaled. Maybe she was deeper into Buffy than she thought, if she could get that hot just thinking about her.
Whatever it was, it seemed to have passed, although Faith was still left with a general feeling of arousal. She just hoped it didn't distract her when the shit hit the fan later tonight.
She made it twelve steps before the thought of her, Buffy and Willow all writhing together in a large bed, naked and sweaty, assaulted her brain. She nearly fell to her knees with the hotness of it, and could do nothing until she ducked into a dark alleyway and put her fingers down her pants.
***
*Whoa!*
What was that? Xander would have shuddered had he been able. As it was, he was barely keeping a coherent thought in his head as his entire sense of self seemed to shudder with pleasure. He could feel...Fingers. Fingers caressing and probing, but caressing and probing what? It had an odd sense of unfamiliar familiarity, but...
*Holy shit,* he thought. *That's good.*
It had happened just as he was in the middle of an elaborate fantasy featuring Buffy, Willow, and Faith in a large bed. Each was naked, sweaty, and oh-so-very horny. And oops, Buffy just kissed Willow on the lips and, oh dear, Faith decided to stick her fingers in a very naughty place!
Just as he'd gotten to that point, he suddenly felt the incredible sensation. A sensation that was quickly rising as he could feel the fingers moving at a furious pace. Better and better, stronger and stronger the feeling came until all at once...
Bliss washed over him for a long moment or a short eternity. He could hear a low-throated moan of approval somewhere, but wasn't sure he was the one making the sound. Again, it was unfamiliar and familiar the same time.
The he blinked. He was looking at a brick wall in a dark alley. He could feel a cold wall on his back. But something felt different. Wrong.
"God damn," he said. Only he didn't say it. Something else said it for him. "Can't believe I'm friggin' myself in a fuckin' alley."
He tried to frown, but found he couldn't. He tried to look around, but found his eyes didn't obey him. He could feel, he could smell, he could hear, he could see and he could taste, but he had no control over anything. So when his body looked down, and he saw a very nice pair of breasts on *his* chest, he was unable to scream in surprise.
*What the fuck is that?* he demanded inwardly.
"The hell?" his voice said. His head whipped from side to side, searching for something. It was a dizzying sensation. Not only could he sense everything, but also everything felt enhanced. Stronger, brighter, more powerful. He could feel his heart beating in his chest, a slow, steady, powerful thumping. As his legs moved to explore the alleyway, he could feel that he was not moving as a man moved. Yet each stride was powerful and confident.
His (apparently female) body looked up and down the alleyway. "Who's there?" it asked in a feminine voice.
*Uh, Xander Harris?* he tried. It was a long shot.
"Xander?" he felt and heard himself say. "Where the fuck are you? You fuckin' vanished."
*Faith?*
"Yeah. I don't got time to play these fuckin' games, okay? There's major shit going down tonight."
*Yeah,* he snorted inwardly. *Zombies.*
"Where the fuck are you?"
*Uh, well, where are you?"
"In an alleyway."
*Then that's where I am, apparently.*
"What are you talking about?"
*This is starting to freak me out,* Faith thought.
*You and me both,* Xander thought back.
She paused, standing there in the middle of the alley. He could *feel* her mind processing, figuring out what must be going on, despite how strange it was.
*Are you...Are you in my head?* she thought to herself.
*I think so.*
"Then get the fuck out!" Faith screamed, smacking the side of her head and whirling around.
*I don't know how! I don't even know how I got here!*
"Get out! Get out, get out, get out!" She was starting to freak out, and he could feel he was starting to as well. Being a side passenger in a body was starting to get to him. He'd felt this way before. Twice before.
*Look, Faith. I don't know what the hell's going on, but I don't control it, okay? So...So just stop freaking out and go to the library or something, okay? Giles will know what to do.*
"Fuck Giles!" she screamed. "Fuck you! Get out of my head!"
*Fine, I'll see what I can do.*
He frowned inwardly and focused his concentration. Maybe he could will himself out of her body. She was freaking out.
Well of course she was. He'd be freaking out if someone was in his body, feeling everything he felt, and getting a kind of sideways glance at what they were thinking sometimes.
*Stop thinking about it and just go!* she thought angrily.
*Sorry,* he replied. *I'm trying.*
Okay. Think about leaving. Getting out. Getting out of Faith's body. Leaving. We're leaving. Getting out right now. Exiting. De-possessing. Although really, this didn't count as possession. He'd been possessed twice, and each time he was the one who couldn't move, couldn't talk, and couldn't control his own body. This was just like that, only this time he wasn't in his body being controlled by a Hyena or a Soldier, he was in Faith's body and being controlled by her.
Which, when he thought about it, was really pretty unfair. He should at least get an arm or something. Then he could type out messages to people or snap his fingers or...
Snap.
"Hey!" Faith yelled to no one. "Cut that shit out!"
*I did that?* Xander asked. *I snapped your fingers?*
"Fuck this," Faith muttered. "We're going to the library and we're fuckin' getting your fuckin' ass out of my fuckin' head before I fuckin' kill someone."
*Language,* he admonished playfully.
"Fuck you!"
*Hey,* he thought a few moments later.
"What?" she growled as she walked swiftly towards the school.
*Sorry about snapping your fingers. I didn't mean to get you freaked out or anything.*
"Yeah, why the fuck should I freak out about having some jackass running around in my head listening to my thoughts?"
*Sorry,* he thought sincerely. *Not like I planned this. I thought my night was going to revolve around Zombies.*
*Zombies? What's he talking about?* she wondered.
*This guy Jack, he's got a gang of Zombies. They're sort of forced me to help the rob a hardware store.*
Faith fumed slightly at him answering a private thought. At the same time though, she realized that must be why he had all those bags in his car filled with cans of kerosene, wires, and a timer.
*Kerosene?* he asked. *Oh my god. They weren't baking a cake! They're building a bomb!*
***
Faith tried to keep her thoughts neutral as she entered the school, but it was hard to force yourself not to think. Even now, Xander was probably listening in on her inner struggle to not give him anything more to listen in on.
*I'm not doing it on purpose,* he thought/said.
*Good for you,* she thought darkly.
*If it's any consolation, I know how you feel.*
"How the fuck would you know that?"
"Know what?" asked Willow as she rounded the corner. She had three large books in her hands. "Who are you talking to?"
"Nobody," Faith said.
*Hey, I have a name, you know.*
*Shut the fuck up.*
Willow frowned at her slightly. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm cool. Just, you know, looking forward to tonight," she replied, grinning a little nervously. Before she could stop herself, she recalled that incredible fantasy that had pierced through her mind earlier, in which Willow was a prime participant.
*Whoa,* Xander thought, catching a glimpse of Faith's remembered fantasy. His remembered fantasy.
*You put that shit in my head!?*
*Uh, no?* he lied.
She growled without realizing it, and Willow took a step back from her.
This fucking bastard was the reason she'd felt herself up in the middle of a dark alleyway! He was the reason she was so damned horny since leaving the hotel.
*Sorry,* he said sheepishly. *I was just trying to feel something.*
*Feel something?*
He gave a mental shrug, not really wanting to talk about it. But as with Faith, he was unable to keep himself from thinking it. The experience of being nothing but a formless consciousness without sensation was related to Faith at the speed of thought.
She gasped and stumbled backwards, as Xander inadvertently related the entire experience to Faith's mind in the space of a second. From the fear and confusion, the hope at brief moments of sensation, and even his own personal thoughts about her during the time immediately following their lovemaking. Lovemaking. That's how he thought of it.
*What's wrong with that?* he wondered.
*We fucked,* she corrected. *We didn't make love.*
But her casual indifference was belied by her deeper thoughts, thoughts that he was able to feel, just as she felt his. She was shocked at how well he'd handled the strange experience of being without form, and impressed by his lack of panic. How could she blame him for doing what he'd done? He'd been in a blank nothingness, and was just doing what worked to find a way out.
"Faith?" Willow asked, carefully taking a step towards her. "A-Are you okay? Do you want me to get Giles?"
Faith realized she was on the cold linoleum floor of the school. Willow was looking down at her with concern.
*Good ol' Willow,* Xander thought. The sincerity of it was so strong that Faith smiled slightly.
"Uh, no, I'm good, Red. Just, dizzy for a second, that's all. I skipped lunch."
"Oh, okay," Willow said, not sounding completely convinced. "Well, i-if you need money or something for the vending machine, let me know. You're going to need to be a hundred percent, even if this spell works."
"I'm good. Got some bills on me."
*No you don't,* Xander realized. *And you haven't eaten since...Since yesterday!*
*Who gives a shit?* she thought back at him angrily. Yet at the same time, she felt a flush of shame that he knew she was living on the money she'd taken from her Watcher's secret stash the day she'd died.
*Jeez, Faith. You shoulda told someone. Buffy and Willow always give me some of their lunch anyway, w-we could have shared. And Giles could help you with money or something, I bet the Council-*
*Stop,* she thought miserably. But a deeper part of her was relieved that someone finally knew about the truth of her situation. And he was...He genuinely wanted to do what he could to help her. She could feel what he felt, think what he thought.
*Faith,* he said. *Why don't you ask her for a few bucks? I-I'll pay Willow back later if you want, but you're eating for two now, and maybe you'll feel better if you eat something.*
She didn't argue, but neither did she speak up. He gave her a kind of mental nudge.
"Hey Wills?" she said, half herself and half Xander.
Willow frowned and turned back to her. "Yeah?"
"Could I, uh, could I borrow a few bucks? I actually uh, I left my money back at my place."
"Yeah, sure," Willow said, reaching into her pocket and removing a few dollars. She handed them to Faith, who took them awkwardly, stuffing them in her jeans pocket.
"Thanks," she said, not looking directly at Willow.
"No problem," Willow replied. She gestured back at the library. "I have to go help Giles set up the spell. We moved Oz by the way, so don't go down into the maintenance room unless you want to get mauled by a hungover werewolf."
"Yeah," Faith said quietly. "Sure."
***
Xander was right. She felt better after she'd purchased a few snacks and chowed down. On Xander's suggestion she'd bought a Twinkie. Normally she thought they were okay, but oh man, she didn't think she'd ever eaten anything so good before.
*The Xander, he knows his processed cakes,* Xander thought jokingly.
"Yeah," Faith said, sitting in the darkened cafeteria by herself, only not by herself.
*You know what I call this?* Xander thought.
"What?" she asked, her voice muffled as she took another bite of the Twinkie.
*A learning experience.*
She chuckled briefly, and was surprised at that. Both that she could laugh during such a strange situation, and at how happy it made Xander when someone laughed at his jokes. Only he was also happy that *she* was happy, and that was maybe the strangest thing of all.
*What's so strange about that?* he wondered. *You're my friend.*
She was?
*Of course you are. Aren't you?*
She'd never really thought of Xander as a friend. She'd never really thought of anyone as a friend. Buffy, maybe, but even she was more of a...
*Shit,* she thought.
*Whoa. Well now I know we have something in common. Crushes on the Buffster. Wow.*
She nearly gasped as she felt the level of his own feelings for Buffy. They swirled and combined with her own, and she had to close her eyes to calm herself.
*Wow,* he thought. *Intense.*
"Yeah," she replied taking a deep breath. This situation was getting stranger and stranger.
Her hand suddenly moved of its own accord, patting her on the opposite shoulder.
*There there,* Xander thought with amusement.
Faith grinned despite herself. "Quit it."
Her hand relaxed, once again under her own control. She worried what it might mean that Xander could, for a time anyway, control her arm.
*Hey, I'd never do anything bad with it,* he thought. *I'm just goofing around.*
And he was. There was no lying between them now, no dishonesty at all. It was if they were both opened up completely to each other, with no barriers between them at all. Now that was frightening, which was something they both agreed on.
She got up quickly, as both of their minds were trying desperately not to think of things they didn't want the other to know. Faith saw Xander's father raising his fist, a bottle of some dark liquid in his other hand. Xander saw Faith's mother grinning at her with heavy-lidded eyes, a needle hanging from her arm. Faith saw Xander making jokes about how he was constantly hungry no matter how much he ate, in order to cover up the fact that he often didn't eat regular meals at home, or had no money to buy them at school. Xander saw Faith's Watcher, soaked in her own blood and screaming in pain. Faith saw Jesse's eyes go wide as Xander's stake pierced his heart, dusting his best friend.
Faith burst through the double doors of the library. "Giles!"
Giles jumped in startled surprise, nearly knocking over the candle he was carefully lighting. "Good heavens!" He clutched a hand to his chest.
"Oh, sorry G-Man," she said.
"Y-Yes," Giles flustered, taking several deep breaths. "D-Do be careful in the future, would you, Faith? This is a very delicate spell, and there's not much time to prepare it." He sighed and leaned forward, carefully lighting the candle. Then he stood up and looked over at her.
"Was there something you needed?"
"Uh, yeah," Faith said, wringing her hands. "I got uh, kind of a problem."
"Unless it absolutely cannot wait until tomorrow, Faith, might it hold off until then? If this spell is not prepared in time, it could very well mean the end of everything."
Faith looked down at the intersecting black lines of the design drawn on the floor of the library.
*I can wait if you can,* Xander thought.
Faith stared at it for a moment, then looked back at Giles. "Yeah, uh, I guess it could wait."
"Very well then. If you'll excuse me, I need to find some sage," he left her to return to his office.
*Now what?* she thought to herself.
*Zombie bomb?" Xander suggested.
"Shit," Faith whispered, glancing at the clock on the wall. They were supposed to be doing the spell in less than fifteen minutes.
*Just a quick sweep of the school,* Xander said. *If a bomb goes off in the middle of the spell, everyone's kind of in trouble.*
"True," Faith replied. She cracked her knuckles and bobbed her head from side to side.
*Ack,* Xander thought. *That felt weird.*
*So you're actually feeling everything I feel?* Faith wondered as she began her sweep of the school. She moved from room to room swiftly, letting her Slayer senses quickly take in everything before moving on.
*Yeah,* Xander replied as they moved. *Just like when the Hyena was in control of me. I see, I feel, I hear, but I can't do anything.*
*Except snap my fingers,* she reminded.
*Oh yeah, well that's different, I guess.*
*So you could feel...this?* she asked, cupping her breast in one hand.
*Sweet fancy Moses!* he exclaimed. Faith grinned and gave herself a quick pinch and a squeeze, then shuddered at the heightened feel of it as the sensation looped through Xander and back to her. *How do you not do that every second of every day?*
*Doesn't usually feel like that,* Faith thought back. *I think you're making it feel better.*
*You're welcome,* he thought brashly. She grinned.
***
Xander gave Faith the rundown on his experiences that day as they searched. The reason for this was threefold. The first was that he was just naturally going over the events in his head, and thus, Faith got a firsthand account of everything. The second was that it helped bring her up to speed with who these zombie guys were, and what Xander had been doing that night. The third was that it kept both of their minds occupied, and away from the things they'd rather not be thinking about. Forcing their minds not to think about unpleasant things was something they were both well practiced at.
Of course, it also meant that Faith knew everything about what had happened to him. About how Cordelia had been taunting him about his role as the Zeppo, about how he'd been bullied and frightened by Jack, about how he'd reacted to Faith fighting the member of the Sisterhood of Jhe without thought, ramming his car into the demon to save her. She knew about how nervous he was at his first time having sex, and she knew about how amazed he was that it was with someone as beautiful as her.
The strange thing was that Faith seemed genuinely surprised at his feelings. Apparently she'd pictured him as a kind of lowlife goofball, kind of good looking and kind of funny, but not really worth a second look. It hurt to know that was what Faith had thought of him, but he could also feel her attitude changing as their intimate exchange of thoughts and feelings continued. Faith was stunned by Xander's already deep caring for her, including the idyllic notion he had that they shared some kind of connection because they'd had sex.
*Technically we do share a connection,* Xander pointed out to her when she thought that. She was forced to agree, and they were both surprised to find that they kind of liked the idea.
*What do you think happened?* Faith wondered as she made her way into the basement, the final check of the school.
*No clue,* Xander said. *One second I was feeling, uh, really, really good, and the next I was just kind of nowhere. What was it like on your end?*
Though they both knew the hidden reason he'd ask the question, she flashed back to the event anyway. Xander's ego grew a bit as he felt Faith's reminiscing on her feelings as she and Xander had sex, even as he was a little perturbed that she'd though of him as just a quick lay. Still, that she'd enjoyed it so much on his first time was a great boost to him, not to mention that remembering the deed was exciting them both again, as their arousal looped between them.
*I was right in the middle of cumming when you just kind flashed out,* Faith finished. Xander was surprised at how Faith didn't really mind talking, or rather, thinking, about sex. To Faith, sex was just something to be enjoyed whenever possible.
*Damn,* Xander thought jokingly. *Wish I'd known that about you sooner. I would have happily scratched that itch any time you wanted.*
Faith grinned to herself as she opened the basement door, flipping on the lights. Yesterday she probably wouldn't have entertained the idea of Xander as fuck-buddy, but after sharing a brain with him, she was clearly seeing him in a different light.
*Oh dear Lord,* Xander prayed fervently. *Please let me find a way back to my body so I may sex Faith up.*
Faith guffawed, surprising herself at how loud it was in the basement.
"What was that?" came a voice.
*That's them!* Xander thought quickly. *That was Jack's voice!*
"I'm on it," Faith whispered.
The voice had come from the Boiler Room. She quickly burst through the door, and found the four zombies grinning as they strung together a bomb. Luckily it had yet to be armed.
"Hi boys," Faith grinned seductively. "Whatcha up to? Makin' a bomb? Gee. That's...Pretty fuckin' stupid!"
Faith flowed into the room like water, grabbing the most decomposed by his head and cracking it against Jack's face. Jack stumbled back, crying out as she kicked into the biggest's stomach. He grunted and doubled over, and she quickly snapped a spinning kick into his face, tearing his rotting head from his shoulders. She flipped back, slamming her elbow into the last one's face, gripping his head over her shoulders, and pulling down with a quick *crack.* Then she surged towards the first, tearing his arms off with a quick yank. He screamed in pain and fear, and she quickly silenced him by snapping his neck. Then she turned on Jack.
"H-Hey, hold on a second!" he said quickly. "C-Can't we talk about this?"
She thought about it for a second. "What do you think? Should I talk to him about it?"
*Hmm,* Xander pretended to think. *I'm gonna say no.*
"W-Who are you talkin' to?" Jack gulped.
"My invisible friend that lives in my brain," Faith grinned. "He says I don't talk."
"B-B-But."
"Sucks to be you," she shrugged, suddenly grabbing his head in both hands and yanking down hard. Jack cried out as his head was torn from his body.
*Wow,* Xander thought. *That was really, really gruesome.*
"Another day, another dollar," Faith shrugged. He could sense the truth behind her words. This was an everyday thing for a Slayer.
*That kind of sucks,* Xander said sympathetically. *Hey, you want me to think about Buffy some more to kind of cleanse the ol' mental palate?*
Faith chuckled as she tossed the unfinished bomb into the trash. "You know what? In about five minutes we're gonna face down some really heavy shit. So hit me with your best shot until then."
*You got it,* Xander said, and for a second Faith wore his grin on her face. *"Buffy, naked in a tub of jell-o with nothing but a pair of high heels on" it is.* Then he let his imagination fly.
Faith wore a very content smile on her face as she made her way back to the library.
***
*Buffy's down!* Xander thought quickly. *The heart! Go for the heart!*
"Shut up!" Faith yelled. "I know!"
*Sorry,* he thought. *You're good. You're good. Whoa! Duck!*
She ducked before she could respond, a powerful claw swiping just over her head. It would have torn her throat out.
"Holy shit," she said in near shock.
*Faith! Get moving!* Xander prompted. Faith shook her head, pushing the near-miss aside as she gripped her ax tighter in hand.
"Die, fucker!" she screamed as she dove past three flailing tentacles, intent on reaching the thing's heart. One of the Sisterhood tackled her, throwing her off course and against a bookcase. She flipped to her feet quickly, decking the she-bitch in the face. For almost a full minute they traded blows, Faith pouring every ounce of strength she had into her punches.
"Go down!" she screamed. "Go down! Go down!"
*Go down!* Xander thought intensely, swinging "his" fist along with her. There was a heavy thud that was heard over the din of the battle, and the Apocalypse Demon sailed back across the library.
"Holy shit," Faith repeated, looking at her fist in awe. She spoke in a low voice, unheard by any of the others. "Was that me, or was that you?"
*I think it was both of us,* Xander thought, stunned.
"Wicked."
***
Faith lay in her crappy bed in her crappy motel room, staring up at the crappy ceiling.
*Hey cheer up,* Xander thought. *You lived, right? Everybody lived.*
"Except you," she pointed out.
*Hey, I'm alive until proven dead,* Xander replied. *Haven't you ever seen every gangster movie ever made? No body, no dead guy.*
She smiled slightly, and then sighed, rolling over and hugging the pillow to herself. "Sorry I didn't talk to Giles before he left."
*No biggie,* Xander thought. *He was pretty banged up anyway. I can last the night if you can.*
She nodded pitifully.
*Can you?* he asked.
"What?"
*Can you last the night? Is this, like, totally awful for you?*
Of course that made them both flash to the terrible exchange of unpleasant memories they'd shared. Yet even as she was mortified that Xander was now aware of her past, she could feel him just as mortified that she was aware of his. And that they both felt...
Relieved. Relieved that someone finally new the truth. Someone that they wouldn't have to explain all the details that couldn't be explained. Someone who didn't need to be protected from the truth, because such protection was impossible. They both simply knew what it was like to have experienced some of the things the other experienced. She had to admit, it was kind of nice, especially since Xander thought the same thing.
*It's not awful,* she thought, closing her eyes. *Besides, at least I can move.*
She could feel his carefully managed calm. He'd been trying very hard all night not to panic at his almost total lack of control over "his" body. It impressed her, which in turn made it easier for him to do.
*I'm sorry Faith, I just don't get why you're feeling so bad.*
She shrugged. *I dunno. Sometimes I just feel bad for no reason.*
*Or maybe you just don't let yourself think of the reason,* he suggested. *I do that sometimes. Mope around my room wondering why I'm in a funk, until I realize it's because I'm sitting in my crappy room and realizing how much I hate it there.*
Faith sighed and opened her eyes. *I hate this place.*
*I know,* he replied.
*I wish I could get out of here.*
She felt her shoulders shrug of their own accord, and she grinned slightly.
*So let's get you out of here,* Xander said to go along with the shrug.
*How?*
*Talk to Giles about it, that'd probably work. He's a Watcher, after all. His job is to keep you safe. Even if he says he won't help, which is totally doubtful, you could always guilt him into it if Buffy's around.*
*I dunno,* Faith thought. She didn't want to be beholden to anyone.
*Hey, doesn't hurt to try, does it? And if he wants something from you, so what? You're the Slayer, and could kick his scrawny English butt with your pinky toe.*
She grinned. That was true. Still, she didn't like the idea of going to him for help if she didn't have to.
Xander sighed inwardly. He'd offer to let her stay with him, assuming he ever got back to his body, but knew his house was hardly an improvement over the motel.
*Yeah, you just want your fuck-buddy close,* Faith scowled to herself. Then she frowned. The thought had genuinely surprised Xander. He hadn't been thinking about sex with her at all in that circumstance.
Although he certainly was no.
*Damn, X,* she grinned. *You sure as hell think about sex a lot.*
*Hey I'm a red-blooded American teen,* he said. *I can't help it. And don't change the subject. You should ask Giles.*
She scowled and looked up at the ceiling again. "I'll think about it, okay?"
*You better,* Xander thought sternly. *Cause remember, I'll know if you don't.*
Faith took a deep breath, putting her hands on her firm stomach, and smiled slightly at Xander's thoughts of the feel of this part of her body. Despite the amusing nature of that, she wondered how they were going to get through the night. Wondered how...He was going to get through the night.
"You going to be okay?" she whispered, alone in her tiny motel room. Alone, but not truly alone.
Xander thought on that. It was hard to say if he'd be okay. Despite her initial freaking out, Faith was being a lot nicer about this than he'd ever expect. In fact, in the last few hours, she'd been thinking more about how it was affecting him than about how it was affecting her, which surprised him greatly.
*You saying I'm a selfish prick?* Faith joked.
*I'm saying that I'm glad I'm getting to know the real you,* Xander thought back. *It's even better than the version I thought I knew.*
Xander felt "his" face flush red, and the grin on her face as she buried her face in the pillow.
*This sucks,* she thought a minute later. She didn't like that he knew how she really felt about corny praise like that. She also didn't like that he knew she really liked that he now knew that. She also didn't like that he knew she knew that he knew that...
*Okay, whoa, stop,* Xander thought. *You're going to make us both crazy. Yeah, it's weird that we both kind of get the pure unedited reaction to anything we say, but I say we look on the bright side. This is crash-course friendship stuff here.*
It was embarassing, that was all. Faith wasn't used to someone being able to see past every one of her defenses. Likewise, Xander wasn't used to that either. One used brashness, the other used humor. Both hid how they really felt, and the lives they lived. Faith hated that Xander knew how much she craved being treated like a nice, normal girl. And Xander hated how Faith knew how much he wanted to be respected by his friends.
They hated it, and they loved it. Finally, someone knew.
*It's suckiness and greatness rolled up into one,* Xander thought a few moments later.
"Yeah," she whispered. She was exhausted, and beginning to drift off to sleep. Only her mind continued to envision the terrible creature they'd fought that night. "Hey Xander?"
*Yeah?*
"You think you could, you know, do that thinking thing?"
*Oh so now you want me to think about sex?*
She grinned. "Just until I fall asleep." *Please?*
He could feel her heartfelt need. The need for a comforting presence, the need for a distraction from the terrors of her life.
*You really do have a crush on Buffy, huh?*
Faith turned red again. *A little. I'm not always into girls, but...Buffy's different.*
*I know what you mean,* Xander thought wistfully. They "both" sighed.
*I think I like her more now that you're here,* Faith thought. *It was just a fantasy crush before, but since you've been here, when I think about her, it's like...Damn*
*Maybe I'm rubbing off on you. Or maybe it's like how it feels better when you, uh, you know. Touch yourself. You feel it, then I feel it, and then it feeds back between us. So maybe I like Buffy, you like Buffy, and then it just circles back and forth getting bigger and bigger.*
*Maybe,* she thought, her eyes heavy.
*Okay, I'll see what I can come up with. How about Buffy pushing you up against one of the bookcases in the back of the stacks, and pulling down your pants.*
*Hell yeah,* Faith thought, smiling as Xander began to form the fantasy. Without thinking, she let her fingers slide down between her legs as she fell asleep. She wasn't quite sure who was controlling them, but she didn't care either way. Her last thought before falling asleep was, *I'm glad you're here, Xander.*
Oh, by the way, I really wish I could get indenting to work on this or any of the other places I post fanfiction. I guess that's one of those sacrifices you make for posting your stuff on the internet. I'm sure there's a way to get it to work, but it would probably require a bit of tagging throughout the whole fic, which I'm not about to do. So just know that I was hitting TAB with every new paragraph when I wrote this and every one of my other stories, but it just never comes across once it gets posted. C'est la vie.