The Rising Storm: Chapter 10
There's been little enough of a fantastic element to this story even though I call it a fantasy. Let's fix that.
I dreamed. I had not dreamed before as I lay in Master’s house, but now for the first time in two days I slept a natural sleep. I dreamed of life with Dak.
I don’t remember a time when he was not my best friend. I was a king’s son and he was an orphan, the son of no one, but in the beginning we weren’t aware that anyone thought these things important and afterward we didn’t care. Scenes played before my inner eye, of us spending long summer days exploring the edges of the wood surrounding the castle; of tireless romps in the sun playing silly games where the rules changed a dozen times in an hour; of climbing trees to sit on the spreading boughs and survey the ground around us like conquerors. Then the winters, tumbling around in the snow until we looked like snowmen ourselves; fighting our private wars in the snow, where snow was our fortresses, our soldiery, and our weapons. Blue with cold, we’d bundle into the kitchen to drip in front of the fire until our blood started moving again, only to bound back out the door, this time perhaps to find a hill for sliding, or to play some other game until we could endure the cold no longer. When the weather was too severe even for us, we might explore abandoned corridors and byways of the castle, investigating forgotten chambers like treasure hunters, speaking in hushed voices as if monsters lurked around every corner.
More images, from other times, wrestling and tussling upon the grassy fringe between the castle walls and the forest. Dak was always much larger than me, so he always got the upper hand. I saw one time in particular from when we were about seven, when he slammed me down harder than he intended. My nose banged against a bent knee, and it bled. My training had begun by then and this was no worse than the blows I received from Lon, but poor Dak was so miserable about it he started crying. It must have been an odd sight: a large, robust boy in tears being comforted by a small companion with blood pouring out of his nose.
After that he was much more gentle with me. His grapples were more like hugs, and he would lay me down more than throw me. Before very long I could have out-wrestled him with the things I learned from Master, but it felt good to have his arms around me and his weight upon me. It was a comfort to have him so close, as if he were placing himself between me and the rest of the world and there was no one in it but the two of us.
I recalled a time from my tenth spring. Wrestling again, and I found myself on my back with Dak on top of me, laughing in his triumph. I remembered the sweat on his nose and the gleam of his teeth. Without really knowing why, following a sudden impulse I lifted up my head and kissed him on the lips. He drew away for a moment, uncertain. Then his teeth flashed again, and he bent down and kissed me back. At that moment, I knew I was in love. From then on, totally trusting in each other....
It was too painful to go further. Everything else was part of a past that could never be repeated, but now I was remembering recent things we had shared over and over and should have still had. I recoiled from it, willing myself to wake up so I didn’t have to look at it.
At first I thought I was successful. I opened my eyes to see the room in Master’s house. It was filled with a silvery light as if the full moon was shining through the window, but the shutters were closed. I sat up, and there was no pain. There weren’t even any bindings around my ribs.
“It’s about time you heard me. I’ve been trying to get your attention for days! When your master puts you down, he puts you down hard.”
My heart leaped to hear that voice. From a shadow in the corner emerged Dak.
I jumped up to meet him and embraced him, weeping. He stroked my hair and kissed me on top of my head like he always used to.
“Is it all a lie?” I whispered. “I thought I lost you.”
“My beautiful Kit. No, it wasn’t a lie. It happened.”
I held him even more tightly, wondering what was going on. My feelings told me. There was the same feeling of comfort and security that I always had in his arms. But although he was as naked as me, the body’s yearning for him was not there.
“Dak, I’m so sorry. How can you ever forgive me?”
“For what?”
“I failed you. I let you be killed. I... I was too cowardly to tell my father the truth. How could I be ashamed of you?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t really ashamed of me, were you? You just had a good idea of what was coming and I didn’t. I should have, because you told me, but I thought you were worrying about nothing. I never really believed anything like this would happen until it did. Don’t blame yourself for knowing better and acting like it.”
“Still, if one of us had to die, better me than you. You’re everything a great man should be. I’m just a runt.”
“I thought I told you not to call yourself that. Kit, do you have any idea what I see when I look at you? I thought you were beautiful before. From this side I can’t even begin to describe you. You’ve hardly touched what you can do yet, and it can’t all be for nothing. Live. Please. That’s what I wanted to say to you. I was afraid you’d feel like you do.”
“I’ll go on, Dak. Because you told me to if nothing else.”
I looked up at him, lifted a hand and stroked his cheek. His eyes sparkled with an inner light, and the sheer beauty of him clutched at my heart. “Will you lie down with me awhile?”
“I’d like that.” He reclined on the bed and opened his arms. When I laid beside him, my head on his chest, he put his arms around me and I breathed a contented sigh. To spend the night with him like this was something I’d desperately wanted for a long time but could never have.
After a time, the brightness grew in the room and I felt my awareness slipping away. “Dak? Come to me every night like this.”
“I want to, but I can’t. They’re burning me at sunset. I’ll have to leave. You need to let me go, Kit.”
My eyes filled with tears, but I knew it was true. They say that ghosts could only appear for the unburned or unburied. But if his body didn’t burn, his spirit would degenerate and eventually become a haunt, a shadow in lonely places, unable to enjoy the life of the blessed or to be reborn. I didn’t want such a horrible thing for him, but that didn’t make it any easier to lose him a second time. I raised myself up to look him in the face. “Then think of me while you’re playing in the Fields of the Blessed.”
“I will. And I’ll wait for you there even if I have to wait a thousand years. Goodbye, Kit.” He drew my chin forward and kissed me, but even as he did the light overwhelmed my sight and all sense of him faded. I opened the eyes of my body to find myself lying on my back. My ribs were bound, I was plagued by a hundred aches, and I itched. The light of morning was leaking in through the gap in the shutters, and outside the birds were singing. The only things remaining from my vision were the tears.
I dreamed. I had not dreamed before as I lay in Master’s house, but now for the first time in two days I slept a natural sleep. I dreamed of life with Dak.
I don’t remember a time when he was not my best friend. I was a king’s son and he was an orphan, the son of no one, but in the beginning we weren’t aware that anyone thought these things important and afterward we didn’t care. Scenes played before my inner eye, of us spending long summer days exploring the edges of the wood surrounding the castle; of tireless romps in the sun playing silly games where the rules changed a dozen times in an hour; of climbing trees to sit on the spreading boughs and survey the ground around us like conquerors. Then the winters, tumbling around in the snow until we looked like snowmen ourselves; fighting our private wars in the snow, where snow was our fortresses, our soldiery, and our weapons. Blue with cold, we’d bundle into the kitchen to drip in front of the fire until our blood started moving again, only to bound back out the door, this time perhaps to find a hill for sliding, or to play some other game until we could endure the cold no longer. When the weather was too severe even for us, we might explore abandoned corridors and byways of the castle, investigating forgotten chambers like treasure hunters, speaking in hushed voices as if monsters lurked around every corner.
More images, from other times, wrestling and tussling upon the grassy fringe between the castle walls and the forest. Dak was always much larger than me, so he always got the upper hand. I saw one time in particular from when we were about seven, when he slammed me down harder than he intended. My nose banged against a bent knee, and it bled. My training had begun by then and this was no worse than the blows I received from Lon, but poor Dak was so miserable about it he started crying. It must have been an odd sight: a large, robust boy in tears being comforted by a small companion with blood pouring out of his nose.
After that he was much more gentle with me. His grapples were more like hugs, and he would lay me down more than throw me. Before very long I could have out-wrestled him with the things I learned from Master, but it felt good to have his arms around me and his weight upon me. It was a comfort to have him so close, as if he were placing himself between me and the rest of the world and there was no one in it but the two of us.
I recalled a time from my tenth spring. Wrestling again, and I found myself on my back with Dak on top of me, laughing in his triumph. I remembered the sweat on his nose and the gleam of his teeth. Without really knowing why, following a sudden impulse I lifted up my head and kissed him on the lips. He drew away for a moment, uncertain. Then his teeth flashed again, and he bent down and kissed me back. At that moment, I knew I was in love. From then on, totally trusting in each other....
It was too painful to go further. Everything else was part of a past that could never be repeated, but now I was remembering recent things we had shared over and over and should have still had. I recoiled from it, willing myself to wake up so I didn’t have to look at it.
At first I thought I was successful. I opened my eyes to see the room in Master’s house. It was filled with a silvery light as if the full moon was shining through the window, but the shutters were closed. I sat up, and there was no pain. There weren’t even any bindings around my ribs.
“It’s about time you heard me. I’ve been trying to get your attention for days! When your master puts you down, he puts you down hard.”
My heart leaped to hear that voice. From a shadow in the corner emerged Dak.
I jumped up to meet him and embraced him, weeping. He stroked my hair and kissed me on top of my head like he always used to.
“Is it all a lie?” I whispered. “I thought I lost you.”
“My beautiful Kit. No, it wasn’t a lie. It happened.”
I held him even more tightly, wondering what was going on. My feelings told me. There was the same feeling of comfort and security that I always had in his arms. But although he was as naked as me, the body’s yearning for him was not there.
“Dak, I’m so sorry. How can you ever forgive me?”
“For what?”
“I failed you. I let you be killed. I... I was too cowardly to tell my father the truth. How could I be ashamed of you?”
“There’s nothing to forgive. You weren’t really ashamed of me, were you? You just had a good idea of what was coming and I didn’t. I should have, because you told me, but I thought you were worrying about nothing. I never really believed anything like this would happen until it did. Don’t blame yourself for knowing better and acting like it.”
“Still, if one of us had to die, better me than you. You’re everything a great man should be. I’m just a runt.”
“I thought I told you not to call yourself that. Kit, do you have any idea what I see when I look at you? I thought you were beautiful before. From this side I can’t even begin to describe you. You’ve hardly touched what you can do yet, and it can’t all be for nothing. Live. Please. That’s what I wanted to say to you. I was afraid you’d feel like you do.”
“I’ll go on, Dak. Because you told me to if nothing else.”
I looked up at him, lifted a hand and stroked his cheek. His eyes sparkled with an inner light, and the sheer beauty of him clutched at my heart. “Will you lie down with me awhile?”
“I’d like that.” He reclined on the bed and opened his arms. When I laid beside him, my head on his chest, he put his arms around me and I breathed a contented sigh. To spend the night with him like this was something I’d desperately wanted for a long time but could never have.
After a time, the brightness grew in the room and I felt my awareness slipping away. “Dak? Come to me every night like this.”
“I want to, but I can’t. They’re burning me at sunset. I’ll have to leave. You need to let me go, Kit.”
My eyes filled with tears, but I knew it was true. They say that ghosts could only appear for the unburned or unburied. But if his body didn’t burn, his spirit would degenerate and eventually become a haunt, a shadow in lonely places, unable to enjoy the life of the blessed or to be reborn. I didn’t want such a horrible thing for him, but that didn’t make it any easier to lose him a second time. I raised myself up to look him in the face. “Then think of me while you’re playing in the Fields of the Blessed.”
“I will. And I’ll wait for you there even if I have to wait a thousand years. Goodbye, Kit.” He drew my chin forward and kissed me, but even as he did the light overwhelmed my sight and all sense of him faded. I opened the eyes of my body to find myself lying on my back. My ribs were bound, I was plagued by a hundred aches, and I itched. The light of morning was leaking in through the gap in the shutters, and outside the birds were singing. The only things remaining from my vision were the tears.