Mar 09, 2008 16:20
Another chapter. Not all of Kitaro's brothers are complete jerks, as it turns out.
I sat at my desk wrapped in a blanket, reading by the light of a candle. Sleep wouldn’t come, and some nice dry Regellan chronicles would take care of that if anything could.
But I couldn’t concentrate on them. My mind kept drifting to thoughts of a life with Dak, a life away from Father and my brothers, a life where I could put all my training to some use. Without yet knowing what Mother would say about it, I was too excited to think of anything else.
I heard someone on the stair, and I assumed it was a guard making his rounds until there came a tap on the doorway and Peri stuck his head through the curtain.
“Hey, Sprout. I was outside getting some air and saw a light up here. Can’t sleep?”
“No. Come on in, if you can fit.”
He squeezed in and sat down on the pallet, then looked around. “I keep forgetting how tiny this is.”
“You’d think if Father wanted me to grow bigger, he’d give me more space.”
He laughed. “Well, it’s good to see you. Sorry I couldn’t get away sooner. You have no idea how sorry.” He leaned out the door and checked up and down the stairs before continuing in a low voice. “Father is such an asshole. He’s not going to get what he wants, and he still wouldn’t get it even if we weren’t hundreds of miles from a seaport. I asked him how the cheap silk is supposed to get here. ‘I’ll work that out later,’ he says. What in the dozen hells he wants me here for I have no idea. He’s made it clear he doesn’t want me to talk. Maybe he thinks there’s strength in numbers or something.”
“What did Takegawa have to say?”
“He didn’t say anything. He just stood there and smiled and made noncommittal noises. I think from him it just means no. My job is no fun, but I wouldn’t want his for the world. Father’s in a foul mood, of course. I think he’s just going to drink until he passes out in his chair. Again.” He heaved a sigh. “Enough of that. I don’t want to think about it anymore. So what’s keeping you up tonight?”
I didn’t reply right away. Should I tell him? I didn’t want to alarm him. On the other hand, if I wanted to leave with Father’s blessing, it would be helpful to have him on my side.
“Peri... I can tell you anything, right?
“Of course, Sprout. This sound serious; what is it?”
I took a deep breath. “I’m planning to leave. To go to Tetsujima, and take service in our grandfather’s household.”
He raised his eyebrows. “That’s a big move. Why would you want to do that?”
“Several reasons, all of which involve getting away from Father.”
“Have you asked his permission?”
“No. I will, but it doesn’t matter what he says. I’m going.”
“Believe me, I understand why you’d want to. But what’s so bad that you feel like you have to go so far away?”
I shrugged. “Well, there’s the obvious.”
He looked at me quizzically, then it dawned on me. He doesn’t know! That he might not hadn’t even occurred to me. What would he think of me if he did? I took another deep breath to steady myself.
“You don’t hear much of the house gossip, do you?” I said.
“How would I? I’m almost never here anymore.”
“Yeah.” What to do? Well, he was going to hear it sooner or later. I might as well get it over with now. This time it was me who leaned out the doorway to check the stair. Still empty. “I have a lover―”
“Is that all? Sprout, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. As a matter of fact, when I was your age there was this girl―”
“It’s a boy.”
He stopped in mid-speech and closed his mouth with a snap, then leaned back against the wall, staring at me. Time passed. There was no sound but our breathing. My stomach twisted into a knot. Now I’ve done it, now I’ve gone and made him hate me, my only decent brother. “Peri, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have―”
He held up a hand. “No. I did say you could tell me anything. Who else knows about this?”
“Pretty much everyone.” My voice was shaky.
“Mother?” I nodded. “Tor as well then. Our brothers? Father?”
“Gods, no!”
Peri nodded. “That’s the problem then, isn’t it? I can’t imagine what Father would do. Or rather, I can, which is even worse. Who is he?”
“Dak. You remember him, he’s my friend―”
“Yes. It figures, I suppose. We could hardly pry you two apart at the end of the day when you were little.” He paused. “This is common knowledge?”
“That’s what Tor says, and Dak thinks so too. I don’t really know myself. It’s not the kind of thing you just go and ask about.”
“No it isn’t. Well, if no one else has a problem with it, I don’t see how I can. Besides, I hate to see you like that, Sprout. You look like a rabbit who’s found a fox in his hole.”
I laughed. It sounded nervous in my own ears and my legs felt rubbery, but my stomach was getting back to normal.
“Still,” he went on, “if all you wanted to do was to get away from Father, you don’t need to go so far. Isn’t this kind of drastic?”
“It’s not just that. Peri, Father has a future all planned out for me. As far as I can tell, it involves being his chief clerk. I’ve spent all my life training to fight, and I don’t care what anyone says, I’m good. The All-Seeing only knows why Master says I’m not, or why Father believes him. All I see is that while I’m here, I’m stuck. If I’m going to be what I want to be, and can be, it has to be somewhere else. And as long as I’m doing that, it might as well be a place where I don’t have to pretend I’m anything other than what I am!”
Peri stared at me again, but this time he wore a completely different expression, almost wistful. “What you want...” he murmured. “Yes,” he said more loudly. “Yes. You do that. Do whatever you have to, to be yourself. Never let anyone tell you what you should be. Never.”
He rose. “I’ll do what I can to help you with this, Sprout. I think I’ll have to run an errand in the morning, but we’ll start things moving tomorrow if you like. Let’s talk with Mother after your lesson. The situation might be different by then anyway.”
“What might be different?”
“Wei-fu is going to examine you in the forms tomorrow, right?”
“Yes. Wait, how did you―?”
“All right then. We can’t make any decisions until you’re finished with that.”
I knew it. “There is something going on, isn’t there? What is it, Peri?”
“Let’s just say that a number of threads are coming together at the same time. Managing them all is going to be kind of complicated.”
“But―”
“Sprout, trust me. I promise you’ll know everything by tomorrow night.”
“I do trust you, but... Dammit! How am I supposed to sleep now?”
He laughed. “I don’t recommend Father’s method exactly, but sometimes a little spiced wine helps me settle down.” He looked around. “You don’t have a bellpull in here, do you? I’ll send someone up.”
We said goodnight and he went back down the stairs. My head was whirling. It was great that I had Peri’s support, but now that my vague suspicions were justified I had even more to think about. It made me so jumpy I was ready to bounce off the ceiling.
A short time later a tray with a steaming, fragrant pitcher and a cup on it poked through my curtain. Attached to the tray was a sleepy-eyed Dak.
“You didn’t have to come up here yourself!”
He set the tray down on the desk. “Someone had to, so it might as well be me. Besides, you never call for anything. I thought there might be something bothering you.”
“Yeah, well...” I eyed the tray. “That’s too much for just me. You have some too.”
“I only brought the one cup.”
“We can share.”
Dak settled on the pallet, and we passed the cup back and forth as we talked. He went from sleepy, to wide awake as I told him about what was on my mind, and back to sleepy again as the wine started to have its effect on him. By the time we were done, I was sleepy too. We rose, and exchanged a brief, tender kiss.
“You take good care of me Dak. Thank you.”
“Only because I love you, Kit. Good night.”
the rising storm,
sword & sorcery,
fantasy,
tales of the tempest,
gay,
yaoi