Comments | lyric_nonsense: The Greatest of These

lyrangalia in lyric_nonsense

The Greatest of These

Dec 11, 2008 13:12

The elevator’s doors were closing when I entered the lobby and I broke into a sprint to catch it, nodding to the balding man inside it as he held it for me. Harry’s nervousness about small, enclosed spaces has rubbed off on me a little, but I use the elevator in his office building. It took them years to fix it and who knew how long it’ll stay ( Read more... )

dresden files, fanfiction

Comments 18

pegasus2o5 December 11 2008, 20:00:08 UTC

Very interesting theory. I don't normally do much with fanfic but I'm glad I read this, I really enjoyed it. Good job.

lyrangalia December 11 2008, 20:18:23 UTC

I'm glad you took a chance on this, especially if you don't do much with fanfic! One of the things that I dislike about Dresden Files is how often the development of Harry's great loves (Elaine and Susan) leave me cold. But I can buy the very deep friendship between him and Murphy just fine, so I just had to speculate on what if the Raiths had just been a little wrong about the nature of love-as-protection.

pegasus2o5 December 11 2008, 20:06:56 UTC

Also, I wanted to ask about the attractive young fellow at the top of the page. Is that Ben Barnes? Is he intended to be Thomas? (Good choice, imo.)

lyrangalia December 11 2008, 23:10:46 UTC

Yes, that is Ben Barnes. I actually picked him to be my header strictly for cosmetic purposes, but after envisioning Thomas running around covered in body glitter and then finding out Ben was playing Dorian Grey... He sort of fell into my it actor for Thomas Raith.

ladynaberrie December 11 2008, 20:30:27 UTC

That was a very good read.

lyrangalia December 11 2008, 23:14:33 UTC

Thank you!

ladybluestar December 11 2008, 20:33:42 UTC

Very nice little fic. I always like looking at the perspective of some of the other characters in Dresdenverse.
Have you read Backup yet??

lyrangalia December 11 2008, 23:15:56 UTC

No I haven't! I've strongly hinted at it for a Christmas present, so hopefully somebody will pick up on it.

Thanks for reading though; I'm looking forward to Backup just because I've had a hard time pinning down Thomas' internal monologue voice.

joyeuse13 December 11 2008, 21:06:38 UTC

Very good! I have always preferred Harry's relationship w/ Murphy over Susan--just never really warmed to her. I like Thomas's POV, and his wondering about the clean house and the Froot Loops (and the phrase "Bringer of Froot Loops" is a hoot).

Couple things: you've got some inconsistent verb tenses right at the beginning that are distracting. Second, if the bald guy in the elevator isn't significant, I'd ditch him. I spent half the first bit waiting for him to become a character. :)

lyrangalia December 11 2008, 23:31:57 UTC

O, inconsistent verb tenses are the bane of my existence. I really should stop futzing with the story after it gets back from the beta, you know? Thanks for pointing it out, and I'll get to correcting that ASAP.

The thought I had with including him is that Murphy is a detective, so she would be the type to notice what sort of people are in the office building. Just a general sort of reflexive noting of people, and if they don't become important, they're not mentioned again. But they do make a sort of mental blip when it happens. Might not have worked out as well as I hoped. I'm still trying to find a good balance for Murphy's internal monologue.

Glad you liked it anyway, despite the lack of polish around the edges!