new fic (aka... crossover saga that will never end)

[lyl_devil]

This is the first part of a crossover I've been writing for almost 2 years (yes, I'm obsessed....). If anyone is actually reading this, I'd appreciate some comment of some sort

Comments

[beatrice_otter]

Much better--there's still a bit too much telling in the beginning, but it's way better. What you could do is shorten the first part (before Hammond shows up) and take most of it and put it into dialogue between the two of them.

[lyl_devil]

Nah. The prologue is for setting up the story, and I think it does a decent job of that. I like the prologue the way it is - I was trying to keep it all in one POV, and with that much dialogue, I'd be swaying back and forth between Chloe and Hammond's POV, trying to get all the details in. I do enough of it later on, that I didn't want to start the whole story that way.

The rest of the parts (that cover Rising) are more like part 2, but I need to change a bunch of stuff in the next installement (covering Hide and Seek). Hope you like what's to come.

[lyl_devil]

Hey. I'm doing this as a post, because I can't find an email address for you.

Anyways, I noticed that in your user info, you said you'd be willing to beta, so.....wanna? I don't do betas very often, because usually all I get is a 'this is good', and I'm usually pretty good about editing my own stuff. However, I'm having trouble with the second installement of this 'saga' - some of the scenes are not working for me. I feel like I'm turning Chloe into 'super character' (ie. a wonderful character that does everything amazingly well, everyone likes her and wants to be her).

If you're interested, email me (lyldevilca at yahoo.ca <-- remove spaces and stuff), and I'll send you the rest of the current installement, and all of the second.

[beatrice_otter]

Sure, I'll beta. I'm not good with SV canon, but I'm great with SG stuff. I am also very good at the general writing stuff. Send it to beatrice_otter@haugensgalleri.com, preferably in Word. If you don't have Word, send it as .txt or .rtf.

[pyro_monkey17]

awsome! I really like the premise of this story adn cant wait to read the other parts.

[lyl_devil]

Thanks. I'm glad you're enjoying it.