[TLB14] The Last Bridge
Title: The Last Bridge - Chapter 14
Word Count: 5819
Rating: PG
Pairing: Junhyung/Hyunseung
Summary: Two boys meet, each with their own problems. What path has life laid out for them?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.
A/N: When I finish this fic I may post little something extra which I wrote thanks to Kuri’s corruption lolol :X I don’t know yet though, I kind of suck at it but oh well. It’s only a bit over PG-13 tho... Won’t post it to Beast fanfic community so lol, if you stumble on it, unlucky you xDD Overall, I feel like I’m heading for rocks lolol, I just can’t get a feeling if it’s ok to post it or not, I have been reading it over and over again and…Still not satisfied and…oeh…I better stop xD
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At one point Hyunseung felt the younger to sigh and he slightly repositioned his chin on the other’s shoulder. Minutes passed like seconds but they still stood still, only slow breaths could be heard among the rain. Those minutes they didn’t know, it didn’t matter - time wasn’t acknowledged. They didn’t care. There was no way to see what went through Hyunseung’s mind but what he did know was his own, it was filled with warmth caused by the other, warmth which was even passed through clothes even though they were wet which was continuously reminded by a shivering breeze. His back was cold.
“We should go,” Junhyung said quietly, his voice fitting well with the sounds of the rain, harmonizing together - probably the main reason why every single word was found to be pleasant by the older. They were smooth with a nice flow but still that special something could be detected. Something that kept a person sharp and attentive. It was interesting how it could make a brain drowsy enough to not function, but somehow his words still cut through no matter what. His heart told him it was the only thing he should hear. Hyunseung had never been hypnotized but this certainly felt like so. It went even as far as he had to classify it under one of the dangerous things which should be stayed away from but which rule he was already breaking. But he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help how much he wanted that voice whispering into his ear, wanting it to be the last thing before falling asleep, giving him sweet dreams which usually just stayed as a wish. It was perfect for that.
“Hyunseung,” the older said again as the other hadn’t replied, shifting a bit.
Hyunseung let the silence surround them for a couple more seconds before tugging at his jacket. “Hmm?” He really did feel sleepy already, his mind was peaceful. Even a yawn was being held back forcefully which seemed to have a definite mission to escape. Signs of sleepiness - so necessary but also so useless. Hyunseung was tired, dead tired. Keeping eyelids open took quite an effort which was even more difficult while suppressing all the yawns that made his eyes watery so he had to blink to clear the view. There was no time to fall asleep, he knew it, but he couldn’t help it as the illusion of falling swept across his mind continuously.
“Let’s go, we’re both quite damp and I don’t really want you to get sick.” These words came from the younger but he made no motions to move, only thing that could be noticed were the hands that tightened their grip on the waist. It was subtle but still there. It made him feel small, protected, at ease. The whole feeling was what he had always wished for, it didn’t matter that he hadn’t known it at that moment - now he did. Hyunseung let his eyes wander to the other’s hair which was darker than usual, a certain sign which could be also felt from his clothes if Hyunseung hadn’t been wet also.
Though what did catch his eyes was Junhyung’s umbrella.
A slight squeeze was given in reassurance before Hyunseung pulled back, hands removing itself hesitantly, stealing the last milliseconds he kept his fingertips against the other, delaying for a unsuspected time. Hyunseung let a small ‘thank you’ escape his lips and found himself meaning it sincerely. Even though he couldn’t convey how grateful he really was he didn’t know if words would be enough. But he dealt with it. He hoped Junhyung would understand, hoped this was one of the times the younger understood him, hoped he could see how important it was.
A warm smile appeared on Junhyung’s lips before he gave a single pat against Hyunseung’s shoulder. The latter couldn’t read anything out of it and it appeared to be late as the eye-contact had been broken, the younger heading towards his umbrella.
Drowsiness was slowly passing but still felt clearly. It took a bit of time but Hyunseung’s breath slowly returned to normal, even more with each step that was taken towards the entrance, the sound of raindrops splashing filling his mind until it felt coming from all directions - it was loud, tuning down his thoughts that wanted to emerge on the surface, wanted to make him feel worse. Even the slightest thoughts were shut out as he noticed Junhyung’s expectant gaze. They both seemed to know the umbrella didn’t have much importance. But he couldn’t deny how nice it was, walking in the rain while staying under a cover. The safeness he felt, even though the emotions were different. The melancholy that was pushed further back.
A couple of steps were taken, Hyunseung enjoying as he just let the other lead, but it lasted only a brief moment before he felt pulled by his hoodie. Hyunseung snapped out of his thoughts immediately and looked at Junhyung who was still clutching into the cloth. A confused expression crossed the elder’s features whose eyebrows furrowed almost unnoticeably as his left side bumped into the other’s arm with every step.
“What are you… Get under here.” His tone was slightly commanding.
“But I don’t-“ Hyunseung shut up immediately after looking to the side, understanding perfectly what had been meant. His shoulder had been in the rain and no notice was given how it fell on it. He hadn’t noticed how even the drops ended up on the umbrella made its way to the edge and crashed with his shoulder with even bigger force. He hadn’t noticed how the water soon started dripping down from his sleeve. He hadn’t noticed anything.
“Oh…” He let out. “But it’s only a bit of my shoulder, it’s not that bad,” Hyunseung continued with a sleepy voice but didn’t make any motions to step away after the grasp on his hoodie had been released. Something in the back of his mind told him to take advantage of it. Which he did without a thought before leaning against Junhyung’s arm and even went as far as to hold onto his sleeve with three fingers - just enough. Brief gaze was given but no words followed. It wouldn’t have mattered in any way. Hyunseung had an excuse ready.
Hyunseung found himself not caring at all when no second thoughts were given on where Junhyung was leading him. If he could choose an animal, he’d pick a lamb because that was a perfect way to portray himself and his way of following Junhyung, blindly, only carrying a hope that this would last longer than it did. But the moment was short. The pebbles of the asphalt street were felt through the shoes and his mind started processing everything that hadn’t crossed his mind before. Later he would probably find himself laughing at the contrast.
“Where…are we going?” Hyunseung found himself asking as he noticed the way was familiar, especially familiar as it was leading to his own house. Feeling of fear arose in his stomach - he had no intentions of going home, Junhyung must’ve known that. He should’ve also known that he wasn’t ready to face them yet, that he wanted to clear up his thoughts before taking any actions or making it worse. He wanted to act smartly to every single thing that concerned his future and by stepping out with an obvious frustration he had already made one mistake, and he knew it well.
“My place.”
Junhyung’s answer was short but even that already earned Hyunseung’s total attention. His apartment had always been sort of mysterious, he hadn’t been there before, didn’t know where It was located and mainly because Junhyung didn’t want him to visit at all. It was always Junhyung who crashed at his house and the older never questioned after that one time where Junhyung diverted the topic quite obviously. Did he do it on purpose or not, Hyunseung could never find out. And he never asked either.
But the curiosity is infamous with its connection to cats.
“I can crash at Yoseob’s if you’d like.” He offered, a part of him not wanting to create trouble. A part which majored over the conflict he had in his mind. The thing he hated the most was people invading his personal space and he didn’t want to belong to that awful group of people. But he couldn’t help his inner self wanting to go. That little devil-Hyunseung was already sitting on his shoulder and hoping for a negative answer.
And was ready to root.
“Naah,” Junhyung brushed it back and the same pack of mixed emotions washed over Hyunseung, “You can come, it’s no big deal.”
It was true, he was slightly hesitant at first, but it soon disappeared and was replaced by energy as he already was between a dead-tired and crazy state.
The limit.
The line.
The breaking point which he mostly had to face in the middle of the night when he struggled to stay awake and not fall flat on the book before him. It was the time when he suddenly felt awake again, accompanied now with weird energy coming from unknown sources. He felt himself trying to remember the route as some streets were unfamiliar even though he had lived there for a long time.
He knew Junhyung’s house was in the same neighborhood but it was certain it had to be quite far away from his parent’s house according to the boy who had one mentioned how his parents had allowed him to get an apartment after many tries filled with persistent but serious talks. There had been a condition though - he can’t move too far. Hyunseung remembers giving out a laugh when the other said they had practically taken out a map and had circled the allowed territory which Junhyung tried to stretch even further. He was able to succeed - it was a small change but he seemed satisfied. He had boasted about it for the whole week, wearing a childish grin while doing so and Hyunseung couldn’t help but think it must’ve been quite an achievement considering his expressions and how much pride he took for it.
“Feel like at home.” Junhyung said as he stepped in, the other following. As Hyunseung took off his shoes and continued to the living room, Junhyung had already disappeared somewhere so he gave himself freedom to look around. The apartment was small but still enough for one person, probably for even two. What surprised Hyunseung a bit was how clean it was. Junhyung’s liking towards order was known well but he couldn’t help but think where were the scattered textbooks on the floor, where were the clothes or dishes left after hurrying out? There was no such thing. There didn’t even seem to be even a speck of dust which made Hyunseung raise his eyebrow after seeing his clean finger which had brushed the shelves which carried too many books. Books which didn’t even seem to be in his reading list.
“Parents ordered a house-keeper-thingie.” Junhyung’s skill of reading thoughts seemed to be in full action again. Or he just saw Hyunseung’s expressions. Nevertheless, he walked in with a towel in his hands which was soon tossed at the other who caught it before it managed to smack him across his chest. It ended up resting on his head. Junhyung in the meantime stood and eyed Hyunseung up and down, making the latter look back in confusion.
And only in confusion.
He didn’t feel uncomfortable. He wondered about it later - was it called getting used to different things or just his tiredness. But even those moments spent for it didn’t give him any answers. He was even starting to forget how it had been a month ago, how he would’ve wanted to grab a blanket and hide behind it. The feeling which made him do that was slowly fading. Now it was all different. He wanted to be visible, he wanted the other to look at him and only see him. It seemed possessive but it was far from it in his terms, his mind was just taken over by a weird feeling which always sent shivers down his back.
And Hyunseung found himself liking it a lot.
“You look like a homeless cat.” Junhyung said as he motioned the older to follow. “Come on.”
Hyunseung wasted no time.
His bedroom was a whole another story compared to the non-Junhyung-like living room which kept giving him awkward feelings. His bedroom was far more comfortable - small, compact. It carried Junhyung’s scent he had gotten so accustomed to and finally stepping into this room and faintly being surrounded by it he couldn’t help overjoyed feeling which made him want to curl up in his bed and just bask in bliss. The whole room really did look like him. Every single scattered item gave off a feeling that that really was the place it should be at, that it was its right place, and it belonged there. He couldn’t help but compare it to a normal teenage boy’s room, this one was neat according to Hyunseung’s standards. A couple of notebooks were in the far corner, looking like they had just been tossed there which wasn’t too hard to imagine, bed which seemed to have been made up fast as the blanket was too crumpled, notifying his habit of waking up on the last minute, the random colorful candy wrappers catching Hyunseung’s eye from below the bed, seeming like he was somewhat a sweet-tooth. And what made the smallest smile slightly bigger was a row of red eye-catching cans, all perfectly lined up against the wall like he was trying to build a fort.
The whole room could be described as perfect, filled with everything that belonged to the other, making Hyunseung try to figure out what it would say about the other’s character. It would’ve been fun if only he had seen his room earlier. So much could be read out of a person’s room. And he would have, if only he hadn’t known these small facts already.
“So does that mean I can mess up your closet this time?” Hyunseung asked jokingly while the other was searching through his closet with care, obviously trying not to mess anything up. Junhyung groaned as a piece of clothing landed on the ground but as his hand was holding onto the item he had been searching for, it was tossed at Hyunseung as a response to his questions before getting the item that had fallen on the floor.
“I guess not.” Hyunseung muttered to which the younger only gave out a grin that meant ‘No chance’.
Junhyung looked down at himself, letting his hands pull away the cloth that was stuck to his body for quite a while now, still damp. He grabbed at the hem of it and pulled it over his head, then threw it towards the basket in one of the corners, almost missing the target. His pants seemed to have been changed already, Hyunseung found himself thinking when. But that question was soon forgotten when he finally acknowledged the situation. And when he did he was already standing there with a dumb face, looking at the other while in some corner of his mind he hoped it wouldn’t look too creepy. The feeling of being uncomfortable finally surfaced again, he had forgotten it for too long anyway, but still it wasn’t enough to stop him from zoning out.
Junhyung took no notice of the situation as he in the meantime searched for a shirt from the higher shelf, making Hyunseung see all his stretched out lean back, muscled contracting as he tried to reach even higher while also trying to block the items that were almost falling out. Hyunseung could only hope, he really did, that Junhyung would soon find his shirt he was looking for but his hopes seemed to end up all in vain. The other didn’t seem to have any intention of putting it on as it was just tossed over his shoulder before he want to gather the items he hadn’t managed to block and had ended up on the floor.
Again a nice showcase of his muscles. They might have not been perfect according to society’s standards but it was perfect for him. Junhyung had a well-toned body.
Hyunseung knew he was a normal teenage guy. And as a guy he knew it was normal to have this kind of attraction to the other. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t feel embarrassed and bad about it. For some reason he couldn’t help but feel guilty for wanting to feel those muscles below his fingertips, trace them, touch the skin that in his mind was practically screaming out for attention. He wanted to know how soft his skin was, wanted to know how it would react to him and mainly he wanted to know what further feelings it would give him.
Guilty for feeling such a strong sexual attraction. Which actually shouldn’t be his fault anyway.
“Junhyung…?” The older asked reluctantly, not knowing what else to do as he barely could keep his eyes away. The other stood back up and looked at him, Hyunseung hurriedly tried to cover up anything that would give away his thoughts and tried to appear nonchalant.
Was the other doing it on purpose?
“What?” Junhyung responded, looking at the other in question if he had any problems with the clothes which were still clutched into the elder’s hands, even tighter than before. Hyunseung noticed where his gaze was fixated for that specific small moment and immediately relaxed his grasp.
“I don’t know but...,” Hyunseung thought what to say so he just motioned towards the shirt, “Could you put it on? Like… Right now?” He tried to make it neutral and polite but still slightly commanding but the other didn’t seem to get it at all as his eyes reflected confusion which was all over his face, accompanied with a furrowed eyebrow.
“I gave you a clean shirt if that’s what worries you,” Junhyung said, clearly misunderstanding Hyunseung’s problem.
“I meant… you should put on a shirt. It’s kinda… distracting in my situation.” He finally managed to get the sentence together after giving it a thought and getting it across to the other whose facial expression seemed to clear up now. Junhyung mumbled a fast apology as he took the shirt from his shoulder and pulled it on without any further questions. Even though Hyunseung had hoped they’d still stay the same and had been sad about that it’ll never be, for once he was glad. And he felt how hard it would be to keep this friendship strong. If it ended it would be all his fault.
“Sorry, I really wasn’t thinking that…even this would make you uncomfortable.” Junhyung explained as he closed the closet door which was definitely too stuffed, making the closing quite a task.
“Don’t worry. It’s my fault anyway.” Hyunseung said as he decided to use the situation and change his clothes fast while the other was messing with the closet which seemed to annoy Junhyung by not fitting everything without leaving random pieces between the doors.
When Junhyung finally managed to get it done, he turned around to see Hyunseung pulling down the last centimeters of his shirt and he gave out a small laugh.
“Oh, you’re done already,” he commented, “Now let’s go feed our poor homeless cat.”
Junhyung made himself instantly comfortable on the small couch while the older went to get snacks according to the other’s directions. The younger had taken care of the drinks but the chips seemed to be a lot harder task.
“Seriously! You have too many cupboards but I tell you, it’s not here!” Hyunseung exclaimed in almost frustration as he heard the movie start with the intro. He let the last door slam itself closed as he looked expectantly towards the couch.
“Junhyung!” He said with a sharper tone to which finally the younger turned around in his seat to look at the older.
“It’s not there, it’s on the other side, the cupboard right to the window,” he said quite tiredly before turning around again. “Make it fast, it’s gonna start now!”
“Argh!” Hyunseung got the chips fast, rolling his eyes at Junhyung’s misleading instructions in the start. Near the sink was definitely not near the window or Junhyung has some serious issues. And what was that about the cupboard half a meter away from the pig-sticker. Well, actually it was right but still, who explains things like that! A conspiracy, he was sure of it.
While cursing Junhyung he made his way over to the armchair, sitting down and placing the chips on the table, ignoring Junhyung’s grin as he kept his attention on the most important lines of the movie. There was no way he was going to ruin it by the noise of the chips-pack he was supposed to open. He should’ve known, he knew he should’ve, because like ever so often something ruined his plans as Junhyung seemed to be yearning for chips, earning a glare which went past ignored. Hyunseung rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath before focusing back on the screen, pulling his feet on the arm-chair, trying to take in a comfortable position.
But it wasn’t even 10 minutes when his attention was broken again by Junhyung’s groan - he was leaning forward to get chips. And he made sure the older noticed how uncomfortable he was by having to put in so much effort to get a single chip. But there was no other chance as Hyunseung was on the other seating, making the table the best place to keep those at. Hyunseung thought it’d be best to ignore him as Junhyung must’ve had some plan already or he wouldn’t act like so.
Ignore.
Another groan from Junhyung.
Ignore.
Junhyung waved his legs in the air in a childish manner.
Ignore.
Junhyung let out a continuous whine.
Ignore.
Silence.
“Seriously, come here,” he finally said but Hyunseung only shushed him, not wanting to miss a good part. If he hadn’t been so immersed in his movie he would’ve noticed a glint of annoyance in the other’s eyes as he stood up and approached him lazily, giving out a sigh in the meantime.
He could’ve prevented it.
He felt himself to be pulled out of the armchair, feet touching the floor on an instinct but they were still wobbly from the sudden move. Hyunseung was finally back in the present world, eyes widened.
“What are you doing?” Hyunseung pulled his arm out of the other’s grasp.
“You really are impossible,” Junhyung muttered and motioned Hyunseung to sit down. The latter had no intentions of doing so as he just stood there for some seconds. But then Junhyung’s eyes met his, locked and Hyunseung couldn’t look away from the gaze that was like practically throwing daggers as Junhyung paused the movie. It was a gaze Hyunseung didn’t see often, something that was only given him when he was with the other crowd which he luckily didn’t see much. Hyunseung felt cold chills all over his body as he decided to give in and sat down with a puff, still slightly further away, keeping the distance he unknowingly set himself and waited for the movie to continue.
Which he should’ve known wouldn’t happen.
Hyunseung looked confusedly at the younger whose eyes were on the paused screen, but his hand moved to take the chips from the table and placing it on his lap before the hand went to the place next to him and started patting it. There was no thinking needed to know what it meant and Hyunseung didn’t wonder for long either before he found himself scooting closer until there was only an inch or two between them. He didn’t question Junhyung’s actions, he really was a blind lamb. But what did make him question was when it didn’t seem to be enough for the younger who surprised Hyunseung by placing his arm around him and pulling him against his chest softly, letting the older rest his head there.
“What-?” Hyunseung started but was cut off soon as Junhyung was the one to shush him this time as he pressed the play button. Voices filled the living room instantly, even giving an echo due to the lack of furniture which Hyunseung didn’t notice at first. The volume was quite high, making some of the sounds feel like something was vibrating inside. He reached for the remote and tuned it down a bit.
“See? Much more comfortable, now even the chips are at hand’s reach,” the younger reasoned as he continued watching the movie, pack of chips still situated on Junhyung’s lap. Hyunseung only snorted but didn’t say anything as he found himself to be even kind of enjoying this. After all, at least he doesn’t feel the lack of skin-ship as he never had to do anything. He can’t be blamed for anything later as it’s always Junhyung who initiates.
Ironic, Hyunseung thought. Usually it should be the other way around.
The movie itself wasn’t anything special, it was only good for getting the mind off of things and to pass the time. Hyunseung’s eyes were starting to feel heavy again and Junhyung’s warmth against his didn’t help not one bit. And it especially didn’t help how his chest went up and down in breathing motions.
But Hyunseung didn’t complain.
It was nice to be able to be like this with someone, the small fact that he wasn’t his boyfriend played no role in this matter. The feeling was the same. It was the moment where everything seemed perfect once again and all thoughts not including Junhyung could be pushed into the furthest back of his mind.
Junhyung was really good at comforting him.
Is he this nice to everyone?
“Sleepy?” Junhyung’s voice murmured, his voice also sounding tired, and Hyunseung replied with a slight mumble which most probably stood for a yes. There was a moment of nothingness before his mind sharpened for a second as he felt a pair of lips press against his forehead. It was only for a second as it pulled away too fast for Hyunseung’s liking. Junhyung said he was too tired to leave. He let his one hand drape over Junhyung’s waist and letting it rest there - a gesture with no meanings, he didn’t even know why he did it but he just felt it would be nice.
Which it was.
It was even slightly annoying, how he lately acted a lot on what his heart told him. But how could he resist when it made him feel like getting away from everyday-life, giving him freedom from his own thoughts which he sometimes feared the most. Freedom which some people can only dream of.
Junhyung already had his hand around Hyunseung, but he repositioned it slightly, slowly into doing circular motions on his hip and if Hyunseung really had been a cat, he was sure he would be purring at this moment. The touches through the cloth, trying to define his hip-bone as his fingers dragged lines. But as Junhyung kept doing that, he hadn’t taken one thing into consideration - how the cloth would move under his motions.
The younger froze as his fingertips touched the skin.
The older felt a jolt of surprise, a pleasant surprise. He let out a tired laugh immediately as saying it was fine.
To Hyunseung’s surprise the fingertips touched the skin again. Junhyung didn’t pull his hand back, it stayed there, slightly reaching even further under the cloth, soon his whole palm against the warm skin as his fingertips ghosted over his hip-bone, leaving the skin tingling. It seemed Junhyung found comfort in touches like these and he understood it well. He was the same.
“I wanna lie down, my neck hurts.” Junhyung mumbled and waited a bit for a reply which he soon understood he wasn’t going to get.
“I’m serious,” he continued to which Hyunseung this time let out a smile and only snuggled closer to the other, making sure every chance to stand up would be blocked. It was too nice to be ruined. It was childish but it didn’t matter, he liked it and he definitely hoped this moment would last longer. Everything that mattered to him right now was the feeling; the feeling which made him act so different from what he used to be.
He really was changing.
“My new mattress is as comfy as yours.” Junhyung continued whispering, trying to persuade him. But Hyunseung on the other side stirred slightly in thought. He knew already he would give in sooner or later, there was no other chance and he had been clingy enough even though he had tried to hard not to be. It felt too good, sticking to Junhyung like this and feeling it was the place where he belonged. By his side. Just staying there and holding tight.
But he removed his hand which fell against the couch material as the younger was finally able to stand up. Some stretching motions were made to the one side and Hyunseung closed his eyes, not caring where he fell asleep. But the unattended hand didn’t stay like that for long as his eyes were forced open just a tiny bit as Junhyung grabbed his hand and motioned to get up and as Hyunseung had done so the younger started to pull him in motions to follow. The elder was only able to drag his feet a bit as his legs had no energy in them. His mind didn’t function either. But suddenly he felt himself being lifted into air, a familiar feeling but this time also so strange. The situation was different compared to the memories from a while ago. But it was same that Junhyung must’ve had enough and this time Hyunseung didn’t struggle and hung over the other’s shoulder silently.
“Wow, you don’t have anything to say.” Junhyung sounded impressed as he continued his way to the other room, totally oblivious to Hyunseung’s tired but slightly evil smile before Junhyung gave out quite a loud yelp.
Another kind of new feeling was about to wash over him. It’s a precious one, especially the first time but that didn’t mean it’d lose its spark. It was something everyone should know.
The feeling when someone calls you by a nickname for the first time.
The feeling when your friend tells someone you’re their best friend.
The feeling when someone says proudly that you’re their lover.
That exactly amazing feeling which can’t be put into words but is in a serious need for one. And it happened exactly then.
It was strange. Junhyung was really getting under his skin.
“What the hell Seung?!” Junhyung exclaimed but the older only laughed before replying: “Payback.”
But it also all hurt. Hurt how Junhyung placed him down on the bed and climbed on himself. How he put his arm around Hyunseung like it was the most natural thing to do. How he pulled him closer to his chest, hearing his breaths slow down by time while tugging on all wrong sensors on his body. It hurt him mentally despite all the tries to shut it away and let the positive ones shine.
It still damn hurt.
Every single action Junhyung did out of affection must’ve been just playing around and Hyunseung knew it very well. He knew how Junhyung tended to get lost in the moments, everything he did now has been done before. He liked to act on a whim and so he did, making Hyunseung wonder if he ever considered that he should be careful. Why was he still so free with his actions even though he knew his feelings? Why did he give him hope even though it’d hurt even more later?
Was this what a friend should do?
But nevertheless Hyunseung wanted to give it a chance. It wasn’t his fault for being like this anyway, right?
Just once. At least if everything goes wrong Junhyung will learn his lesson.
And he knew he may never get a chance again. Everything may be ruined by then.
But he needed it. His teenage heart was really being an ass but he couldn’t ignore it either. All his promises never to do something like this were in vain but there was no other choice, he hadn’t understood how hard it would be to keep going on like this, how his emotions would get the better of him one day, how hard it was to keep away from that specific person.
In this moment it hurt even more than the possibility of losing him.
And Hyunseung reached upwards, letting his nose brush against the other’s chin before pressing a peck on Junhyung’s lips. It was quick and brief, almost even non-existent but the younger must’ve felt it as his eyes opened slowly, looking at Hyunseung in a questioning manner. It was nothing weird, there weren’t even any questions needed to be asked but they both knew Hyunseung had gone too far.
But he was sure Junhyung understood his situation. He knew he understood, he could read it out from the way Junhyung’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, making his eyes gain a sad glint as he kept their eyes locked.
Hyunseung wanted to say he was sorry but nothing came out of his parted lips. He wanted to apologize but not all his voice was lost. Everything was failing him, all he could do was to stare, to be lost in his eyes and hope this wouldn’t affect anything. Junhyung’s lips turned into a small smile before he pulled Hyunseung closer to his chest and closed his eyes again.
No matter what came, Hyunseung couldn’t regret a single thing.
He brought his one hand up, hesitantly, letting it rest against the other’s chest. There was no reason for this action, he didn’t even know why but he did. His chest was firm under his touch. And as the rustling had quieted down he started to hear his own heart thumping. It wasn’t soft and quiet like after a small run, it was loud, it rang in his ears. He wanted it to stop, it felt like the whole world could hear it. He was embarrassed.
Hyunseung tried to push him away slightly, just in case even though he knew heartbeats aren’t usually heard by others no matter how loud they are. It’s just your own inner self that feels it. But his way was stopped as Junhyung made him unable to move further away. Hyunseung felt trapped but still tried to struggle, only stopping for good when Junhyung finally yanked him back.
“Don’t worry, mine’s just as loud.” He heard Junhyung mumble out.
Word Count: 5819
Rating: PG
Pairing: Junhyung/Hyunseung
Summary: Two boys meet, each with their own problems. What path has life laid out for them?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters.
A/N: When I finish this fic I may post little something extra which I wrote thanks to Kuri’s corruption lolol :X I don’t know yet though, I kind of suck at it but oh well. It’s only a bit over PG-13 tho... Won’t post it to Beast fanfic community so lol, if you stumble on it, unlucky you xDD Overall, I feel like I’m heading for rocks lolol, I just can’t get a feeling if it’s ok to post it or not, I have been reading it over and over again and…Still not satisfied and…oeh…I better stop xD
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At one point Hyunseung felt the younger to sigh and he slightly repositioned his chin on the other’s shoulder. Minutes passed like seconds but they still stood still, only slow breaths could be heard among the rain. Those minutes they didn’t know, it didn’t matter - time wasn’t acknowledged. They didn’t care. There was no way to see what went through Hyunseung’s mind but what he did know was his own, it was filled with warmth caused by the other, warmth which was even passed through clothes even though they were wet which was continuously reminded by a shivering breeze. His back was cold.
“We should go,” Junhyung said quietly, his voice fitting well with the sounds of the rain, harmonizing together - probably the main reason why every single word was found to be pleasant by the older. They were smooth with a nice flow but still that special something could be detected. Something that kept a person sharp and attentive. It was interesting how it could make a brain drowsy enough to not function, but somehow his words still cut through no matter what. His heart told him it was the only thing he should hear. Hyunseung had never been hypnotized but this certainly felt like so. It went even as far as he had to classify it under one of the dangerous things which should be stayed away from but which rule he was already breaking. But he couldn’t help it. Couldn’t help how much he wanted that voice whispering into his ear, wanting it to be the last thing before falling asleep, giving him sweet dreams which usually just stayed as a wish. It was perfect for that.
“Hyunseung,” the older said again as the other hadn’t replied, shifting a bit.
Hyunseung let the silence surround them for a couple more seconds before tugging at his jacket. “Hmm?” He really did feel sleepy already, his mind was peaceful. Even a yawn was being held back forcefully which seemed to have a definite mission to escape. Signs of sleepiness - so necessary but also so useless. Hyunseung was tired, dead tired. Keeping eyelids open took quite an effort which was even more difficult while suppressing all the yawns that made his eyes watery so he had to blink to clear the view. There was no time to fall asleep, he knew it, but he couldn’t help it as the illusion of falling swept across his mind continuously.
“Let’s go, we’re both quite damp and I don’t really want you to get sick.” These words came from the younger but he made no motions to move, only thing that could be noticed were the hands that tightened their grip on the waist. It was subtle but still there. It made him feel small, protected, at ease. The whole feeling was what he had always wished for, it didn’t matter that he hadn’t known it at that moment - now he did. Hyunseung let his eyes wander to the other’s hair which was darker than usual, a certain sign which could be also felt from his clothes if Hyunseung hadn’t been wet also.
Though what did catch his eyes was Junhyung’s umbrella.
A slight squeeze was given in reassurance before Hyunseung pulled back, hands removing itself hesitantly, stealing the last milliseconds he kept his fingertips against the other, delaying for a unsuspected time. Hyunseung let a small ‘thank you’ escape his lips and found himself meaning it sincerely. Even though he couldn’t convey how grateful he really was he didn’t know if words would be enough. But he dealt with it. He hoped Junhyung would understand, hoped this was one of the times the younger understood him, hoped he could see how important it was.
A warm smile appeared on Junhyung’s lips before he gave a single pat against Hyunseung’s shoulder. The latter couldn’t read anything out of it and it appeared to be late as the eye-contact had been broken, the younger heading towards his umbrella.
Drowsiness was slowly passing but still felt clearly. It took a bit of time but Hyunseung’s breath slowly returned to normal, even more with each step that was taken towards the entrance, the sound of raindrops splashing filling his mind until it felt coming from all directions - it was loud, tuning down his thoughts that wanted to emerge on the surface, wanted to make him feel worse. Even the slightest thoughts were shut out as he noticed Junhyung’s expectant gaze. They both seemed to know the umbrella didn’t have much importance. But he couldn’t deny how nice it was, walking in the rain while staying under a cover. The safeness he felt, even though the emotions were different. The melancholy that was pushed further back.
A couple of steps were taken, Hyunseung enjoying as he just let the other lead, but it lasted only a brief moment before he felt pulled by his hoodie. Hyunseung snapped out of his thoughts immediately and looked at Junhyung who was still clutching into the cloth. A confused expression crossed the elder’s features whose eyebrows furrowed almost unnoticeably as his left side bumped into the other’s arm with every step.
“What are you… Get under here.” His tone was slightly commanding.
“But I don’t-“ Hyunseung shut up immediately after looking to the side, understanding perfectly what had been meant. His shoulder had been in the rain and no notice was given how it fell on it. He hadn’t noticed how even the drops ended up on the umbrella made its way to the edge and crashed with his shoulder with even bigger force. He hadn’t noticed how the water soon started dripping down from his sleeve. He hadn’t noticed anything.
“Oh…” He let out. “But it’s only a bit of my shoulder, it’s not that bad,” Hyunseung continued with a sleepy voice but didn’t make any motions to step away after the grasp on his hoodie had been released. Something in the back of his mind told him to take advantage of it. Which he did without a thought before leaning against Junhyung’s arm and even went as far as to hold onto his sleeve with three fingers - just enough. Brief gaze was given but no words followed. It wouldn’t have mattered in any way. Hyunseung had an excuse ready.
Hyunseung found himself not caring at all when no second thoughts were given on where Junhyung was leading him. If he could choose an animal, he’d pick a lamb because that was a perfect way to portray himself and his way of following Junhyung, blindly, only carrying a hope that this would last longer than it did. But the moment was short. The pebbles of the asphalt street were felt through the shoes and his mind started processing everything that hadn’t crossed his mind before. Later he would probably find himself laughing at the contrast.
“Where…are we going?” Hyunseung found himself asking as he noticed the way was familiar, especially familiar as it was leading to his own house. Feeling of fear arose in his stomach - he had no intentions of going home, Junhyung must’ve known that. He should’ve also known that he wasn’t ready to face them yet, that he wanted to clear up his thoughts before taking any actions or making it worse. He wanted to act smartly to every single thing that concerned his future and by stepping out with an obvious frustration he had already made one mistake, and he knew it well.
“My place.”
Junhyung’s answer was short but even that already earned Hyunseung’s total attention. His apartment had always been sort of mysterious, he hadn’t been there before, didn’t know where It was located and mainly because Junhyung didn’t want him to visit at all. It was always Junhyung who crashed at his house and the older never questioned after that one time where Junhyung diverted the topic quite obviously. Did he do it on purpose or not, Hyunseung could never find out. And he never asked either.
But the curiosity is infamous with its connection to cats.
“I can crash at Yoseob’s if you’d like.” He offered, a part of him not wanting to create trouble. A part which majored over the conflict he had in his mind. The thing he hated the most was people invading his personal space and he didn’t want to belong to that awful group of people. But he couldn’t help his inner self wanting to go. That little devil-Hyunseung was already sitting on his shoulder and hoping for a negative answer.
And was ready to root.
“Naah,” Junhyung brushed it back and the same pack of mixed emotions washed over Hyunseung, “You can come, it’s no big deal.”
It was true, he was slightly hesitant at first, but it soon disappeared and was replaced by energy as he already was between a dead-tired and crazy state.
The limit.
The line.
The breaking point which he mostly had to face in the middle of the night when he struggled to stay awake and not fall flat on the book before him. It was the time when he suddenly felt awake again, accompanied now with weird energy coming from unknown sources. He felt himself trying to remember the route as some streets were unfamiliar even though he had lived there for a long time.
He knew Junhyung’s house was in the same neighborhood but it was certain it had to be quite far away from his parent’s house according to the boy who had one mentioned how his parents had allowed him to get an apartment after many tries filled with persistent but serious talks. There had been a condition though - he can’t move too far. Hyunseung remembers giving out a laugh when the other said they had practically taken out a map and had circled the allowed territory which Junhyung tried to stretch even further. He was able to succeed - it was a small change but he seemed satisfied. He had boasted about it for the whole week, wearing a childish grin while doing so and Hyunseung couldn’t help but think it must’ve been quite an achievement considering his expressions and how much pride he took for it.
“Feel like at home.” Junhyung said as he stepped in, the other following. As Hyunseung took off his shoes and continued to the living room, Junhyung had already disappeared somewhere so he gave himself freedom to look around. The apartment was small but still enough for one person, probably for even two. What surprised Hyunseung a bit was how clean it was. Junhyung’s liking towards order was known well but he couldn’t help but think where were the scattered textbooks on the floor, where were the clothes or dishes left after hurrying out? There was no such thing. There didn’t even seem to be even a speck of dust which made Hyunseung raise his eyebrow after seeing his clean finger which had brushed the shelves which carried too many books. Books which didn’t even seem to be in his reading list.
“Parents ordered a house-keeper-thingie.” Junhyung’s skill of reading thoughts seemed to be in full action again. Or he just saw Hyunseung’s expressions. Nevertheless, he walked in with a towel in his hands which was soon tossed at the other who caught it before it managed to smack him across his chest. It ended up resting on his head. Junhyung in the meantime stood and eyed Hyunseung up and down, making the latter look back in confusion.
And only in confusion.
He didn’t feel uncomfortable. He wondered about it later - was it called getting used to different things or just his tiredness. But even those moments spent for it didn’t give him any answers. He was even starting to forget how it had been a month ago, how he would’ve wanted to grab a blanket and hide behind it. The feeling which made him do that was slowly fading. Now it was all different. He wanted to be visible, he wanted the other to look at him and only see him. It seemed possessive but it was far from it in his terms, his mind was just taken over by a weird feeling which always sent shivers down his back.
And Hyunseung found himself liking it a lot.
“You look like a homeless cat.” Junhyung said as he motioned the older to follow. “Come on.”
Hyunseung wasted no time.
His bedroom was a whole another story compared to the non-Junhyung-like living room which kept giving him awkward feelings. His bedroom was far more comfortable - small, compact. It carried Junhyung’s scent he had gotten so accustomed to and finally stepping into this room and faintly being surrounded by it he couldn’t help overjoyed feeling which made him want to curl up in his bed and just bask in bliss. The whole room really did look like him. Every single scattered item gave off a feeling that that really was the place it should be at, that it was its right place, and it belonged there. He couldn’t help but compare it to a normal teenage boy’s room, this one was neat according to Hyunseung’s standards. A couple of notebooks were in the far corner, looking like they had just been tossed there which wasn’t too hard to imagine, bed which seemed to have been made up fast as the blanket was too crumpled, notifying his habit of waking up on the last minute, the random colorful candy wrappers catching Hyunseung’s eye from below the bed, seeming like he was somewhat a sweet-tooth. And what made the smallest smile slightly bigger was a row of red eye-catching cans, all perfectly lined up against the wall like he was trying to build a fort.
The whole room could be described as perfect, filled with everything that belonged to the other, making Hyunseung try to figure out what it would say about the other’s character. It would’ve been fun if only he had seen his room earlier. So much could be read out of a person’s room. And he would have, if only he hadn’t known these small facts already.
“So does that mean I can mess up your closet this time?” Hyunseung asked jokingly while the other was searching through his closet with care, obviously trying not to mess anything up. Junhyung groaned as a piece of clothing landed on the ground but as his hand was holding onto the item he had been searching for, it was tossed at Hyunseung as a response to his questions before getting the item that had fallen on the floor.
“I guess not.” Hyunseung muttered to which the younger only gave out a grin that meant ‘No chance’.
Junhyung looked down at himself, letting his hands pull away the cloth that was stuck to his body for quite a while now, still damp. He grabbed at the hem of it and pulled it over his head, then threw it towards the basket in one of the corners, almost missing the target. His pants seemed to have been changed already, Hyunseung found himself thinking when. But that question was soon forgotten when he finally acknowledged the situation. And when he did he was already standing there with a dumb face, looking at the other while in some corner of his mind he hoped it wouldn’t look too creepy. The feeling of being uncomfortable finally surfaced again, he had forgotten it for too long anyway, but still it wasn’t enough to stop him from zoning out.
Junhyung took no notice of the situation as he in the meantime searched for a shirt from the higher shelf, making Hyunseung see all his stretched out lean back, muscled contracting as he tried to reach even higher while also trying to block the items that were almost falling out. Hyunseung could only hope, he really did, that Junhyung would soon find his shirt he was looking for but his hopes seemed to end up all in vain. The other didn’t seem to have any intention of putting it on as it was just tossed over his shoulder before he want to gather the items he hadn’t managed to block and had ended up on the floor.
Again a nice showcase of his muscles. They might have not been perfect according to society’s standards but it was perfect for him. Junhyung had a well-toned body.
Hyunseung knew he was a normal teenage guy. And as a guy he knew it was normal to have this kind of attraction to the other. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t feel embarrassed and bad about it. For some reason he couldn’t help but feel guilty for wanting to feel those muscles below his fingertips, trace them, touch the skin that in his mind was practically screaming out for attention. He wanted to know how soft his skin was, wanted to know how it would react to him and mainly he wanted to know what further feelings it would give him.
Guilty for feeling such a strong sexual attraction. Which actually shouldn’t be his fault anyway.
“Junhyung…?” The older asked reluctantly, not knowing what else to do as he barely could keep his eyes away. The other stood back up and looked at him, Hyunseung hurriedly tried to cover up anything that would give away his thoughts and tried to appear nonchalant.
Was the other doing it on purpose?
“What?” Junhyung responded, looking at the other in question if he had any problems with the clothes which were still clutched into the elder’s hands, even tighter than before. Hyunseung noticed where his gaze was fixated for that specific small moment and immediately relaxed his grasp.
“I don’t know but...,” Hyunseung thought what to say so he just motioned towards the shirt, “Could you put it on? Like… Right now?” He tried to make it neutral and polite but still slightly commanding but the other didn’t seem to get it at all as his eyes reflected confusion which was all over his face, accompanied with a furrowed eyebrow.
“I gave you a clean shirt if that’s what worries you,” Junhyung said, clearly misunderstanding Hyunseung’s problem.
“I meant… you should put on a shirt. It’s kinda… distracting in my situation.” He finally managed to get the sentence together after giving it a thought and getting it across to the other whose facial expression seemed to clear up now. Junhyung mumbled a fast apology as he took the shirt from his shoulder and pulled it on without any further questions. Even though Hyunseung had hoped they’d still stay the same and had been sad about that it’ll never be, for once he was glad. And he felt how hard it would be to keep this friendship strong. If it ended it would be all his fault.
“Sorry, I really wasn’t thinking that…even this would make you uncomfortable.” Junhyung explained as he closed the closet door which was definitely too stuffed, making the closing quite a task.
“Don’t worry. It’s my fault anyway.” Hyunseung said as he decided to use the situation and change his clothes fast while the other was messing with the closet which seemed to annoy Junhyung by not fitting everything without leaving random pieces between the doors.
When Junhyung finally managed to get it done, he turned around to see Hyunseung pulling down the last centimeters of his shirt and he gave out a small laugh.
“Oh, you’re done already,” he commented, “Now let’s go feed our poor homeless cat.”
Junhyung made himself instantly comfortable on the small couch while the older went to get snacks according to the other’s directions. The younger had taken care of the drinks but the chips seemed to be a lot harder task.
“Seriously! You have too many cupboards but I tell you, it’s not here!” Hyunseung exclaimed in almost frustration as he heard the movie start with the intro. He let the last door slam itself closed as he looked expectantly towards the couch.
“Junhyung!” He said with a sharper tone to which finally the younger turned around in his seat to look at the older.
“It’s not there, it’s on the other side, the cupboard right to the window,” he said quite tiredly before turning around again. “Make it fast, it’s gonna start now!”
“Argh!” Hyunseung got the chips fast, rolling his eyes at Junhyung’s misleading instructions in the start. Near the sink was definitely not near the window or Junhyung has some serious issues. And what was that about the cupboard half a meter away from the pig-sticker. Well, actually it was right but still, who explains things like that! A conspiracy, he was sure of it.
While cursing Junhyung he made his way over to the armchair, sitting down and placing the chips on the table, ignoring Junhyung’s grin as he kept his attention on the most important lines of the movie. There was no way he was going to ruin it by the noise of the chips-pack he was supposed to open. He should’ve known, he knew he should’ve, because like ever so often something ruined his plans as Junhyung seemed to be yearning for chips, earning a glare which went past ignored. Hyunseung rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath before focusing back on the screen, pulling his feet on the arm-chair, trying to take in a comfortable position.
But it wasn’t even 10 minutes when his attention was broken again by Junhyung’s groan - he was leaning forward to get chips. And he made sure the older noticed how uncomfortable he was by having to put in so much effort to get a single chip. But there was no other chance as Hyunseung was on the other seating, making the table the best place to keep those at. Hyunseung thought it’d be best to ignore him as Junhyung must’ve had some plan already or he wouldn’t act like so.
Ignore.
Another groan from Junhyung.
Ignore.
Junhyung waved his legs in the air in a childish manner.
Ignore.
Junhyung let out a continuous whine.
Ignore.
Silence.
“Seriously, come here,” he finally said but Hyunseung only shushed him, not wanting to miss a good part. If he hadn’t been so immersed in his movie he would’ve noticed a glint of annoyance in the other’s eyes as he stood up and approached him lazily, giving out a sigh in the meantime.
He could’ve prevented it.
He felt himself to be pulled out of the armchair, feet touching the floor on an instinct but they were still wobbly from the sudden move. Hyunseung was finally back in the present world, eyes widened.
“What are you doing?” Hyunseung pulled his arm out of the other’s grasp.
“You really are impossible,” Junhyung muttered and motioned Hyunseung to sit down. The latter had no intentions of doing so as he just stood there for some seconds. But then Junhyung’s eyes met his, locked and Hyunseung couldn’t look away from the gaze that was like practically throwing daggers as Junhyung paused the movie. It was a gaze Hyunseung didn’t see often, something that was only given him when he was with the other crowd which he luckily didn’t see much. Hyunseung felt cold chills all over his body as he decided to give in and sat down with a puff, still slightly further away, keeping the distance he unknowingly set himself and waited for the movie to continue.
Which he should’ve known wouldn’t happen.
Hyunseung looked confusedly at the younger whose eyes were on the paused screen, but his hand moved to take the chips from the table and placing it on his lap before the hand went to the place next to him and started patting it. There was no thinking needed to know what it meant and Hyunseung didn’t wonder for long either before he found himself scooting closer until there was only an inch or two between them. He didn’t question Junhyung’s actions, he really was a blind lamb. But what did make him question was when it didn’t seem to be enough for the younger who surprised Hyunseung by placing his arm around him and pulling him against his chest softly, letting the older rest his head there.
“What-?” Hyunseung started but was cut off soon as Junhyung was the one to shush him this time as he pressed the play button. Voices filled the living room instantly, even giving an echo due to the lack of furniture which Hyunseung didn’t notice at first. The volume was quite high, making some of the sounds feel like something was vibrating inside. He reached for the remote and tuned it down a bit.
“See? Much more comfortable, now even the chips are at hand’s reach,” the younger reasoned as he continued watching the movie, pack of chips still situated on Junhyung’s lap. Hyunseung only snorted but didn’t say anything as he found himself to be even kind of enjoying this. After all, at least he doesn’t feel the lack of skin-ship as he never had to do anything. He can’t be blamed for anything later as it’s always Junhyung who initiates.
Ironic, Hyunseung thought. Usually it should be the other way around.
The movie itself wasn’t anything special, it was only good for getting the mind off of things and to pass the time. Hyunseung’s eyes were starting to feel heavy again and Junhyung’s warmth against his didn’t help not one bit. And it especially didn’t help how his chest went up and down in breathing motions.
But Hyunseung didn’t complain.
It was nice to be able to be like this with someone, the small fact that he wasn’t his boyfriend played no role in this matter. The feeling was the same. It was the moment where everything seemed perfect once again and all thoughts not including Junhyung could be pushed into the furthest back of his mind.
Junhyung was really good at comforting him.
Is he this nice to everyone?
“Sleepy?” Junhyung’s voice murmured, his voice also sounding tired, and Hyunseung replied with a slight mumble which most probably stood for a yes. There was a moment of nothingness before his mind sharpened for a second as he felt a pair of lips press against his forehead. It was only for a second as it pulled away too fast for Hyunseung’s liking. Junhyung said he was too tired to leave. He let his one hand drape over Junhyung’s waist and letting it rest there - a gesture with no meanings, he didn’t even know why he did it but he just felt it would be nice.
Which it was.
It was even slightly annoying, how he lately acted a lot on what his heart told him. But how could he resist when it made him feel like getting away from everyday-life, giving him freedom from his own thoughts which he sometimes feared the most. Freedom which some people can only dream of.
Junhyung already had his hand around Hyunseung, but he repositioned it slightly, slowly into doing circular motions on his hip and if Hyunseung really had been a cat, he was sure he would be purring at this moment. The touches through the cloth, trying to define his hip-bone as his fingers dragged lines. But as Junhyung kept doing that, he hadn’t taken one thing into consideration - how the cloth would move under his motions.
The younger froze as his fingertips touched the skin.
The older felt a jolt of surprise, a pleasant surprise. He let out a tired laugh immediately as saying it was fine.
To Hyunseung’s surprise the fingertips touched the skin again. Junhyung didn’t pull his hand back, it stayed there, slightly reaching even further under the cloth, soon his whole palm against the warm skin as his fingertips ghosted over his hip-bone, leaving the skin tingling. It seemed Junhyung found comfort in touches like these and he understood it well. He was the same.
“I wanna lie down, my neck hurts.” Junhyung mumbled and waited a bit for a reply which he soon understood he wasn’t going to get.
“I’m serious,” he continued to which Hyunseung this time let out a smile and only snuggled closer to the other, making sure every chance to stand up would be blocked. It was too nice to be ruined. It was childish but it didn’t matter, he liked it and he definitely hoped this moment would last longer. Everything that mattered to him right now was the feeling; the feeling which made him act so different from what he used to be.
He really was changing.
“My new mattress is as comfy as yours.” Junhyung continued whispering, trying to persuade him. But Hyunseung on the other side stirred slightly in thought. He knew already he would give in sooner or later, there was no other chance and he had been clingy enough even though he had tried to hard not to be. It felt too good, sticking to Junhyung like this and feeling it was the place where he belonged. By his side. Just staying there and holding tight.
But he removed his hand which fell against the couch material as the younger was finally able to stand up. Some stretching motions were made to the one side and Hyunseung closed his eyes, not caring where he fell asleep. But the unattended hand didn’t stay like that for long as his eyes were forced open just a tiny bit as Junhyung grabbed his hand and motioned to get up and as Hyunseung had done so the younger started to pull him in motions to follow. The elder was only able to drag his feet a bit as his legs had no energy in them. His mind didn’t function either. But suddenly he felt himself being lifted into air, a familiar feeling but this time also so strange. The situation was different compared to the memories from a while ago. But it was same that Junhyung must’ve had enough and this time Hyunseung didn’t struggle and hung over the other’s shoulder silently.
“Wow, you don’t have anything to say.” Junhyung sounded impressed as he continued his way to the other room, totally oblivious to Hyunseung’s tired but slightly evil smile before Junhyung gave out quite a loud yelp.
Another kind of new feeling was about to wash over him. It’s a precious one, especially the first time but that didn’t mean it’d lose its spark. It was something everyone should know.
The feeling when someone calls you by a nickname for the first time.
The feeling when your friend tells someone you’re their best friend.
The feeling when someone says proudly that you’re their lover.
That exactly amazing feeling which can’t be put into words but is in a serious need for one. And it happened exactly then.
It was strange. Junhyung was really getting under his skin.
“What the hell Seung?!” Junhyung exclaimed but the older only laughed before replying: “Payback.”
But it also all hurt. Hurt how Junhyung placed him down on the bed and climbed on himself. How he put his arm around Hyunseung like it was the most natural thing to do. How he pulled him closer to his chest, hearing his breaths slow down by time while tugging on all wrong sensors on his body. It hurt him mentally despite all the tries to shut it away and let the positive ones shine.
It still damn hurt.
Every single action Junhyung did out of affection must’ve been just playing around and Hyunseung knew it very well. He knew how Junhyung tended to get lost in the moments, everything he did now has been done before. He liked to act on a whim and so he did, making Hyunseung wonder if he ever considered that he should be careful. Why was he still so free with his actions even though he knew his feelings? Why did he give him hope even though it’d hurt even more later?
Was this what a friend should do?
But nevertheless Hyunseung wanted to give it a chance. It wasn’t his fault for being like this anyway, right?
Just once. At least if everything goes wrong Junhyung will learn his lesson.
And he knew he may never get a chance again. Everything may be ruined by then.
But he needed it. His teenage heart was really being an ass but he couldn’t ignore it either. All his promises never to do something like this were in vain but there was no other choice, he hadn’t understood how hard it would be to keep going on like this, how his emotions would get the better of him one day, how hard it was to keep away from that specific person.
In this moment it hurt even more than the possibility of losing him.
And Hyunseung reached upwards, letting his nose brush against the other’s chin before pressing a peck on Junhyung’s lips. It was quick and brief, almost even non-existent but the younger must’ve felt it as his eyes opened slowly, looking at Hyunseung in a questioning manner. It was nothing weird, there weren’t even any questions needed to be asked but they both knew Hyunseung had gone too far.
But he was sure Junhyung understood his situation. He knew he understood, he could read it out from the way Junhyung’s eyebrows furrowed slightly, making his eyes gain a sad glint as he kept their eyes locked.
Hyunseung wanted to say he was sorry but nothing came out of his parted lips. He wanted to apologize but not all his voice was lost. Everything was failing him, all he could do was to stare, to be lost in his eyes and hope this wouldn’t affect anything. Junhyung’s lips turned into a small smile before he pulled Hyunseung closer to his chest and closed his eyes again.
No matter what came, Hyunseung couldn’t regret a single thing.
He brought his one hand up, hesitantly, letting it rest against the other’s chest. There was no reason for this action, he didn’t even know why but he did. His chest was firm under his touch. And as the rustling had quieted down he started to hear his own heart thumping. It wasn’t soft and quiet like after a small run, it was loud, it rang in his ears. He wanted it to stop, it felt like the whole world could hear it. He was embarrassed.
Hyunseung tried to push him away slightly, just in case even though he knew heartbeats aren’t usually heard by others no matter how loud they are. It’s just your own inner self that feels it. But his way was stopped as Junhyung made him unable to move further away. Hyunseung felt trapped but still tried to struggle, only stopping for good when Junhyung finally yanked him back.
“Don’t worry, mine’s just as loud.” He heard Junhyung mumble out.