Merlin Fic: A Thousand words.
Title: A Thousand Words
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1989
Warnings/Content Notes: Contains bestiality, magical creatures and tentacles - but only in fiction! Betaed by versipellis. Written for merlin_6x6 - prompt: maroon.
Summary: Arthur and Merlin are in the library when Merlin's clumsiness reveals a rather interesting book ...
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters.
Merlin sighed as Arthur handed him yet another book. That made six that he was now precariously balancing in his arms. Six. There was no way that Arthur could possibly need even half of these books. Especially not since he was still walking through the stacks, peering at the titles.
“Ah,” Arthur said brightly. “Here’s another one.”
He shoved it on the top of Merlin’s pile and Merlin had to bend his knees and stumble to stop the whole stack from falling. He closed his eyes and swore that he would find a wood spider and drop it in Arthur’s bed that night.
“Oh,” Arthur said. “There’s one at the top there. That one on the pile on the top shelf? Go and get it down.”
Merlin ground his teeth. Carefully placing his stack on the floor, he turned to look up at the shelves.
“Which one?”
“That blue one, at the top. A Compendium of Armour.”
Merlin bit back a curse. The book was huge and heavy and right at the top of the bookcase, in the middle of a pile of books. He slowly scrambled up the bookcase, trying not to kick any of the books.
“You climb like a girl, Merlin,” Arthur said mockingly. “And you’ve climbed up the wrong way. How are you supposed to reach the book from there?”
“Yeah, well, you … you … ” Merlin realised that he didn’t have any comeback and settled for making a grumpy noise and made a grab at the book, determined to prove Arthur wrong. Naturally, he entirely missed and hit the pile of books next to it instead. They slid slowly off the bookshelf and Merlin tried not to laugh as Arthur frantically attempted to avoid the avalanche, fell over the pile of books that Merlin had abandoned earlier and ended up sprawled on the floor.
“Oops?” Merlin offered, grabbing the compendium and sliding down the shelves as Arthur slowly sat up, glaring at him. Merlin tried his best sheepish smile and began to gather up the books.
“You can put them all back in their right places,” Arthur growled, rubbing his elbow. “Honestly, you’re an absolute waste of space, Merlin!”
Merlin decided not to say anything. It was just possible that Arthur would throw a book at his head if he did and whilst it might be quite funny to have a book fight, Sir Geoffrey would probably have them both killed on the spot.
He picked up one of the bigger books that had fallen and blinked as it fell open in his hands. It wasn’t a proper book. The pages were faked, hollowed out to conceal what appeared to be another, smaller book beneath.
“What’s that?” Arthur asked, standing up. “Is that a hidden book?”
“Looks like it,” Merlin said, automatically reaching in to try and prise the book from its hiding place. It was covered in slippery maroon coloured leather and looked well-worn. He gave it another yank and it finally came out from the hollow.
“Does it have a title?” Arthur asked, craning forward to try and see. Merlin ran his fingers over the leather and turned the book round, trying to see.
“Doesn’t seem to,” he said and opened the book up. There didn’t seem to be a title inside either so he turned to the next page which was covered in cramped writing. Merlin struggled to make out the words.
“Oh, give it here,” Arthur said, snatching it off him and thumbing through the book. “Honestly Merlin, you are - ”
He stopped speaking very suddenly. It was Merlin’s turn to crane forward, trying to see what it was. Arthur had stopped at a beautifully rendered colour plate of a naked woman having sex with a centaur. Both of them looked extremely happy about it.
“Oh,” Merlin said helpfully. “Um.”
When he saw that Arthur was clearly not going to do anything else, he leaned over and gently turned the page. The writing was still spidery and cramped but he could make out the word “centaur” pretty clearly now he knew what he was looking for.
“They are most licentious and corrupt of beings,” he read. “Most skilled in the arts of pleasuring … ”
“You don’t have to read it!” Arthur snapped and quickly turned the page. There was another illustration, although this was not a colour plate. It was a neatly inked drawing of a man being pleasured by what Merlin thought was probably a faun. Arthur made a spluttering noise of shock.
“Oh, that just looks painful,” Merlin said. “Look at the size of it!”
“Merlin!” Arthur said.
“Well, would you want that stuck up you?”
Arthur gave him a look that was probably meant to be a glare but Merlin could see that his mouth was twitching. He looked back down at the book.
“Apparently, fauns like to take part in orgies,” he said. “At least, I think that says orgy.”
Arthur turned the page. They stared at the next illustration.
“I’d say it said orgy,” Arthur said, turning the book slightly. “Does that lady have too many hands?”
“No, look, it’s the man behind her, see? He’s got his other hand up her - ”
“Shut up, Merlin!”
Merlin had to cover his mouth to try and stop himself laughing. Arthur was very red in the face but he was definitely grinning a bit now. He turned the page, skipping a bit when there was just a lot of writing, looking for the next illustration.
“Good lord! Merlin, you work with the expert - what is that supposed to be?”
Merlin peered at the picture, trying very hard not to imagine Gaius looking at a book like this.
“I think it’s a sort of … horse thing,” he said doubtfully.
“I’m so glad you are here to help me, Merlin,” Arthur said sarcastically. He sat down and leaned against the stacks, clearly trying to read the writing. Merlin slid down next to him, still looking at the picture. Whatever the creature was, it had a horse’s tail, that much he could tell. And ears …
“I think it’s a person,” he said. “Sort of … transfigured. To have a horse’s attributes.”
Arthur turned the page very quickly and they found themselves looking at another coloured plate. This one was of a naked woman entwined with a pearly white unicorn. She looked rather like Gwen and Merlin sneaked a look at Arthur. His face was now the darkest red that Merlin had ever seen it. Merlin grinned and looked back at the picture. It was very beautifully drawn.
“Do you think the one we saw did that with Anhora?” he asked innocently.
“You disgust me,” Arthur said. “Anyway, you were the one all over the thing. Fancy being in that lady’s place, do you?”
“I hate you,” Merlin said, trying very hard not to picture it. “Can we turn the page now?”
Arthur sniggered but obeyed. The next drawing was of a woman and what Merlin thought was a goose until he spotted the word “swan” written beneath it.
“She’s got the feathers in her mouth,” Arthur said and started to laugh slightly hysterically. Merlin nudged him, trying to shut him up. The last thing he wanted was to bring Sir Geoffrey down on their heads. Not when they were reading this. Arthur covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stifle his laughter and Merlin turned the page and stared at the man and troll that were very enthusiastically coupling.
“Do not say a word, I do not want to hear it,” Arthur said, grabbing the book back and turning the pages very fast. Merlin sniggered but obeyed. He didn’t really want to think about Uther and the troll either.
“Good God,” Arthur said, stopping at the next colour plate. “I … what on earth …?”
It was a man beside a lake, wrapped up in what appeared to be tentacles. Long, pink, soft-looking tentacles. Merlin couldn’t even see the body of the creature that had provided the tentacles - apparently, the artist hadn’t considered that important.
“He looks like he’s enjoying it?” Merlin offered weakly.
“Yes,” Arthur said. “Yes, he does.”
He turned back a page, clearly hoping for some textual explanation. Together, they strained over the text.
“Sorcerer,” Arthur said. “It’s something about a sorcerer.”
“I think,” Merlin said carefully. “I think it’s saying the sorcerer conjured it from the depths to … well. To do that to him.”
Arthur looked at him. Merlin looked back, wondering if his own face was now as red as Arthur’s. He was trying very, very hard not to imagine casting any spells that might bring strange beasts from the deep to ravish him. It wasn’t quite working.
“Sorcerers are weird,” Arthur said at last.
“I think,” Merlin said, just as carefully as last time. “I think maybe some of them aren’t actually the sorcerers? Other people without magic asked them to … summon them up? And the sorcerers do and … well.”
Arthur didn’t say anything in answer to that. He turned the page instead and they looked a man who was wrapped in the embrace of a mermaid.
“Do you think it’s an instruction manual?” Merlin wondered aloud.
“No,” Arthur said. “I think it’s just porn.”
They looked at each other again and then gave up, both beginning to laugh at the same time. Every time they tried to stop, they met each other’s eyes and started to laugh again. Merlin’s lungs were beginning to hurt. Every time he tried to breathe, he found himself almost choking. He wasn’t totally sure why he was laughing any more - if it was the porn, if it was to avoid thinking about the porn or if it was just because it was nice just to laugh at Arthur’s side.
The sudden sound of footsteps brought them out of their growing hysteria. Clearly, Sir Geoffrey was coming to find out what was the matter with them. Moving quickly, Arthur closed the book and shoved it under his tunic. Merlin slammed the hollow book shut and began to quickly gather up the books that still lay on the floor as Arthur leaped to his feet.
“And try not to be so totally useless,” he said briskly as Sir Geoffrey rounded the corner of the stacks to stare at them. Merlin snatched the books up and tried to look suitably contrite.
“Sorry about that,” Arthur said calmly to Sir Geoffrey, as though they hadn’t been looking at amazingly detailed sexual pictures a minute before. “Merlin is so damn clumsy. You get those back in place Merlin.”
“Yes Sire,” Merlin said as humbly as he could. Arthur nodded at him, then turned and strode hastily from the library, his arms folded very tightly over his chest. Merlin avoided Sir Geoffrey’s dark expression and quickly replaced all the books, making sure to shove the hollow one right at the back. People might ask where the book had gone if they found it and Merlin didn’t really want them to.
He didn’t ask Arthur where the little maroon book was. He brought him the books they’d been looking for originally and let Arthur send him off on his next chore. It was only two days later whilst he was cleaning Arthur’s room that he discovered the book tucked carefully under Arthur’s bed. He looked at Arthur and Arthur stared back, his eyebrows slightly raised.
“Admit it,” Merlin said. “It’s the troll page that you really want.”
“Merlin,” Arthur said. “Shut up.”
Merlin just grinned at him and left the book where it was. He could always sneak back for another look after all. Maybe reading a few more of the words this time. He did rather want to know exactly what that tentacle creature was and he could hardly ask Gaius, after all.
Clearly, Merlin told himself virtuously, it was all in the name of science.
This entry was originally posted at http://still-lycoris.dreamwidth.org/3641.html. If you want, you can comment there instead.
Fandom: Merlin
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1989
Warnings/Content Notes: Contains bestiality, magical creatures and tentacles - but only in fiction! Betaed by versipellis. Written for merlin_6x6 - prompt: maroon.
Summary: Arthur and Merlin are in the library when Merlin's clumsiness reveals a rather interesting book ...
Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters.
Merlin sighed as Arthur handed him yet another book. That made six that he was now precariously balancing in his arms. Six. There was no way that Arthur could possibly need even half of these books. Especially not since he was still walking through the stacks, peering at the titles.
“Ah,” Arthur said brightly. “Here’s another one.”
He shoved it on the top of Merlin’s pile and Merlin had to bend his knees and stumble to stop the whole stack from falling. He closed his eyes and swore that he would find a wood spider and drop it in Arthur’s bed that night.
“Oh,” Arthur said. “There’s one at the top there. That one on the pile on the top shelf? Go and get it down.”
Merlin ground his teeth. Carefully placing his stack on the floor, he turned to look up at the shelves.
“Which one?”
“That blue one, at the top. A Compendium of Armour.”
Merlin bit back a curse. The book was huge and heavy and right at the top of the bookcase, in the middle of a pile of books. He slowly scrambled up the bookcase, trying not to kick any of the books.
“You climb like a girl, Merlin,” Arthur said mockingly. “And you’ve climbed up the wrong way. How are you supposed to reach the book from there?”
“Yeah, well, you … you … ” Merlin realised that he didn’t have any comeback and settled for making a grumpy noise and made a grab at the book, determined to prove Arthur wrong. Naturally, he entirely missed and hit the pile of books next to it instead. They slid slowly off the bookshelf and Merlin tried not to laugh as Arthur frantically attempted to avoid the avalanche, fell over the pile of books that Merlin had abandoned earlier and ended up sprawled on the floor.
“Oops?” Merlin offered, grabbing the compendium and sliding down the shelves as Arthur slowly sat up, glaring at him. Merlin tried his best sheepish smile and began to gather up the books.
“You can put them all back in their right places,” Arthur growled, rubbing his elbow. “Honestly, you’re an absolute waste of space, Merlin!”
Merlin decided not to say anything. It was just possible that Arthur would throw a book at his head if he did and whilst it might be quite funny to have a book fight, Sir Geoffrey would probably have them both killed on the spot.
He picked up one of the bigger books that had fallen and blinked as it fell open in his hands. It wasn’t a proper book. The pages were faked, hollowed out to conceal what appeared to be another, smaller book beneath.
“What’s that?” Arthur asked, standing up. “Is that a hidden book?”
“Looks like it,” Merlin said, automatically reaching in to try and prise the book from its hiding place. It was covered in slippery maroon coloured leather and looked well-worn. He gave it another yank and it finally came out from the hollow.
“Does it have a title?” Arthur asked, craning forward to try and see. Merlin ran his fingers over the leather and turned the book round, trying to see.
“Doesn’t seem to,” he said and opened the book up. There didn’t seem to be a title inside either so he turned to the next page which was covered in cramped writing. Merlin struggled to make out the words.
“Oh, give it here,” Arthur said, snatching it off him and thumbing through the book. “Honestly Merlin, you are - ”
He stopped speaking very suddenly. It was Merlin’s turn to crane forward, trying to see what it was. Arthur had stopped at a beautifully rendered colour plate of a naked woman having sex with a centaur. Both of them looked extremely happy about it.
“Oh,” Merlin said helpfully. “Um.”
When he saw that Arthur was clearly not going to do anything else, he leaned over and gently turned the page. The writing was still spidery and cramped but he could make out the word “centaur” pretty clearly now he knew what he was looking for.
“They are most licentious and corrupt of beings,” he read. “Most skilled in the arts of pleasuring … ”
“You don’t have to read it!” Arthur snapped and quickly turned the page. There was another illustration, although this was not a colour plate. It was a neatly inked drawing of a man being pleasured by what Merlin thought was probably a faun. Arthur made a spluttering noise of shock.
“Oh, that just looks painful,” Merlin said. “Look at the size of it!”
“Merlin!” Arthur said.
“Well, would you want that stuck up you?”
Arthur gave him a look that was probably meant to be a glare but Merlin could see that his mouth was twitching. He looked back down at the book.
“Apparently, fauns like to take part in orgies,” he said. “At least, I think that says orgy.”
Arthur turned the page. They stared at the next illustration.
“I’d say it said orgy,” Arthur said, turning the book slightly. “Does that lady have too many hands?”
“No, look, it’s the man behind her, see? He’s got his other hand up her - ”
“Shut up, Merlin!”
Merlin had to cover his mouth to try and stop himself laughing. Arthur was very red in the face but he was definitely grinning a bit now. He turned the page, skipping a bit when there was just a lot of writing, looking for the next illustration.
“Good lord! Merlin, you work with the expert - what is that supposed to be?”
Merlin peered at the picture, trying very hard not to imagine Gaius looking at a book like this.
“I think it’s a sort of … horse thing,” he said doubtfully.
“I’m so glad you are here to help me, Merlin,” Arthur said sarcastically. He sat down and leaned against the stacks, clearly trying to read the writing. Merlin slid down next to him, still looking at the picture. Whatever the creature was, it had a horse’s tail, that much he could tell. And ears …
“I think it’s a person,” he said. “Sort of … transfigured. To have a horse’s attributes.”
Arthur turned the page very quickly and they found themselves looking at another coloured plate. This one was of a naked woman entwined with a pearly white unicorn. She looked rather like Gwen and Merlin sneaked a look at Arthur. His face was now the darkest red that Merlin had ever seen it. Merlin grinned and looked back at the picture. It was very beautifully drawn.
“Do you think the one we saw did that with Anhora?” he asked innocently.
“You disgust me,” Arthur said. “Anyway, you were the one all over the thing. Fancy being in that lady’s place, do you?”
“I hate you,” Merlin said, trying very hard not to picture it. “Can we turn the page now?”
Arthur sniggered but obeyed. The next drawing was of a woman and what Merlin thought was a goose until he spotted the word “swan” written beneath it.
“She’s got the feathers in her mouth,” Arthur said and started to laugh slightly hysterically. Merlin nudged him, trying to shut him up. The last thing he wanted was to bring Sir Geoffrey down on their heads. Not when they were reading this. Arthur covered his mouth with his hand, trying to stifle his laughter and Merlin turned the page and stared at the man and troll that were very enthusiastically coupling.
“Do not say a word, I do not want to hear it,” Arthur said, grabbing the book back and turning the pages very fast. Merlin sniggered but obeyed. He didn’t really want to think about Uther and the troll either.
“Good God,” Arthur said, stopping at the next colour plate. “I … what on earth …?”
It was a man beside a lake, wrapped up in what appeared to be tentacles. Long, pink, soft-looking tentacles. Merlin couldn’t even see the body of the creature that had provided the tentacles - apparently, the artist hadn’t considered that important.
“He looks like he’s enjoying it?” Merlin offered weakly.
“Yes,” Arthur said. “Yes, he does.”
He turned back a page, clearly hoping for some textual explanation. Together, they strained over the text.
“Sorcerer,” Arthur said. “It’s something about a sorcerer.”
“I think,” Merlin said carefully. “I think it’s saying the sorcerer conjured it from the depths to … well. To do that to him.”
Arthur looked at him. Merlin looked back, wondering if his own face was now as red as Arthur’s. He was trying very, very hard not to imagine casting any spells that might bring strange beasts from the deep to ravish him. It wasn’t quite working.
“Sorcerers are weird,” Arthur said at last.
“I think,” Merlin said, just as carefully as last time. “I think maybe some of them aren’t actually the sorcerers? Other people without magic asked them to … summon them up? And the sorcerers do and … well.”
Arthur didn’t say anything in answer to that. He turned the page instead and they looked a man who was wrapped in the embrace of a mermaid.
“Do you think it’s an instruction manual?” Merlin wondered aloud.
“No,” Arthur said. “I think it’s just porn.”
They looked at each other again and then gave up, both beginning to laugh at the same time. Every time they tried to stop, they met each other’s eyes and started to laugh again. Merlin’s lungs were beginning to hurt. Every time he tried to breathe, he found himself almost choking. He wasn’t totally sure why he was laughing any more - if it was the porn, if it was to avoid thinking about the porn or if it was just because it was nice just to laugh at Arthur’s side.
The sudden sound of footsteps brought them out of their growing hysteria. Clearly, Sir Geoffrey was coming to find out what was the matter with them. Moving quickly, Arthur closed the book and shoved it under his tunic. Merlin slammed the hollow book shut and began to quickly gather up the books that still lay on the floor as Arthur leaped to his feet.
“And try not to be so totally useless,” he said briskly as Sir Geoffrey rounded the corner of the stacks to stare at them. Merlin snatched the books up and tried to look suitably contrite.
“Sorry about that,” Arthur said calmly to Sir Geoffrey, as though they hadn’t been looking at amazingly detailed sexual pictures a minute before. “Merlin is so damn clumsy. You get those back in place Merlin.”
“Yes Sire,” Merlin said as humbly as he could. Arthur nodded at him, then turned and strode hastily from the library, his arms folded very tightly over his chest. Merlin avoided Sir Geoffrey’s dark expression and quickly replaced all the books, making sure to shove the hollow one right at the back. People might ask where the book had gone if they found it and Merlin didn’t really want them to.
He didn’t ask Arthur where the little maroon book was. He brought him the books they’d been looking for originally and let Arthur send him off on his next chore. It was only two days later whilst he was cleaning Arthur’s room that he discovered the book tucked carefully under Arthur’s bed. He looked at Arthur and Arthur stared back, his eyebrows slightly raised.
“Admit it,” Merlin said. “It’s the troll page that you really want.”
“Merlin,” Arthur said. “Shut up.”
Merlin just grinned at him and left the book where it was. He could always sneak back for another look after all. Maybe reading a few more of the words this time. He did rather want to know exactly what that tentacle creature was and he could hardly ask Gaius, after all.
Clearly, Merlin told himself virtuously, it was all in the name of science.
This entry was originally posted at http://still-lycoris.dreamwidth.org/3641.html. If you want, you can comment there instead.