*N Sync. With a little help from my friends
Title: With a little help from my friends
Series: The Story of Us (V.2.0)
Rating: PG.
Pairing: Choey. Chris/Howie
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do at all with *N Sync, Backstreet Boys, their families or associates. The following story is a fiction work, loosely based on their public personalities but any actual resemblance to them is just a coincidence. No harm intended, no profit made. The story is just for the fans enjoyment and not a single word of it is true.
Notes: AU. Taking a little longer than usual, sorry about that. Many thanks to milosflaca who as usual checks all the continuity mistakes, to pensnest who heroically tries to explain me the difference between on and in and to evilshelly who did a record time betaing the story so you guys would have it sooner.
Summary: Chris-less *N Sync. Time goes on, Justin makes an statement and the guys have to talk about it.
* * * * *
Justin was getting frantic.
Chris would be joining them the next day as their opening act, which was good. But it meant that he was on his way to becoming a solo star, and that was bad.
“This is all wrong, Nick,” Justin groaned over the phone. “I can’t think of any way to stop this. Johnny won’t listen to me when I try to explain why Chris has to be in *N Sync, and I can’t tell Chris. This is getting completely out of control.”
“I don’t know, Justin. I think that maybe this is for the best,” Nick told him, sounding far too calm for Justin’s taste. “I mean, really, you got Chris a singing career. That’s good, isn’t it?”
Justin sighed, closing his eyes.
“Nick, have you listened to anything I’ve told you? Chris has to be in *N Sync! It’s his group!”
“Justin, *N Sync might have been formed out of his ideas, but it’s not his group. It’s your group. Yours and JC’s and Lance’s and Joey’s.”
“You sound like JC.”
“Well, maybe JC has a point, J.” Nick sounded tired. Justin couldn’t believe it. His friend had backed him up every time he needed help. Why he was now saying things couldn’t work? “I, c’mon, have you even asked Chris how he feels about it?”
“You know I can’t ask him. He’s going to get mad.”
“Exactly!” Nick wasn’t yelling, but to Justin it sounded as if he was. “J, I don’t really know the guy, but I think he’s a little tired of people trying to control his life. Wouldn’t you be, in his place?”
“I’m not trying to control his life! I’m trying to give him back what is his!”
“But what if he doesn’t want it?”
“What do you mean?” Justin frowned at the phone. “Of course he wants it!”
“I’m just saying that he didn’t jump at Johnny’s offer. Didn’t you tell me that Lance and Molly had to convince him?”
“Well, yeah, but now he is totally on board with the situation! He told us he’s happy!”
“Exactly. What if your plan backfires and ends up ruining his chance? Then you would have something real to feel guilty about.”
“I am not doing this out of guilt, Nick.”
“Justin, don’t lie to me. We’ve been friends for almost four years, I know how your mind works.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“Justin, come on.”
“No, you come on, Nick. You’re supposed to be my friend. You should be helping me, not telling me that I can’t help Chris.”
“You’ve already helped him, Justin. He’s about to start a new career that was his dream. You don’t need to do anything else.”
“It sounds as if you think this is a bad idea.”
“It is a bad idea. You can’t force Chris to join, and you can’t force your friends to accept it. And if you talked to them, you would see…”
“What I see is that you’re not on my side,” Justin said, angry. He couldn’t believe that Nick was turning his back on him. “You know? Don’t call me until you’ve got an idea that is not ‘Drop the whole thing.” And without waiting for Nick’s answer, Justin hung up.
Nick was wrong. Chris would be happy in *N Sync, Justin knew it.
But without Nick’s help, he would need to talk to the others.
Justin sighed. He was pretty sure that Lance would agree with his plan.
* * *
Nick stared at his cell phone for a moment, before closing it down.
It was useless to try and talk to Justin when he decided the universe was wrong and he was right. Usually, Nick just had to grin and bear whatever new idea Justin had until his friend was distracted by a new project, but on those occasions Justin’s ideas were mostly about his look, what he was going to give Britney as a gift to say ‘I wish you were with me now’, and occasionally, pranks to play on the other members of *N Sync.
This time, it was something that could affect another man’s life, and Nick couldn’t in good conscience help Justin.
Nick didn’t understand Justin’s obsession. He could more or less see why he wanted Chris to get a break in the business, because Nick would have done the same for a friend if he knew that said hypothetical friend had talent, and the desire to work on it. But the extent of Justin’s plan was a little scary, to say the least.
Nick had realized that he couldn’t do anything to make Justin stop, and that scared him. Anything he said was going to make Justin explode, just as it had done just now.
Maybe, he figured, he could ask the other guys for advice. But Kevin was away on his honeymoon, and Brian was busy with the preparations for his wedding. He doubted Howie would want to discuss Chris’s possible problems right now, especially if he hadn’t given up the idea of getting back together with him, and AJ…
Nick shook his head. Last time he had asked AJ for advice, they had ended up in a club dancing until the break of down. It had made him feel better, but it hadn’t actually helped with his problem.
Nick just hoped that maybe Lance, Joey or JC would be able to put some sense into Justin’s head.
* * *
Justin had told Lance that he wanted to talk, so when the buses stopped to refuel, Joey changed places with him and went to join JC on the other bus.
Since Chris was going to join them that day, Lance had a couple of theories of what Justin wanted to talk about.
He hoped he was wrong about that.
“Chris is coming today,” Justin said, as soon as they were alone.
“In a couple of hours, yeah,” Lance agreed, not looking up from the newspaper he was reading. “Things are going well for him.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that.” Justin sat down in front of Lance, who sighed and put down the paper. He knew he had to give Justin his full attention. “You know I asked Johnny to go and listen to Chris, right?”
“Yeah, it was pretty obvious,” Lance nodded. “You wanted Chris to have the chance that he had missed, and it worked. You should be proud of yourself.”
“I didn’t want for this to happen, Lance. This wasn’t my plan.”
“Justin, please tell me that JC was wrong when he told us that you wanted Chris to join *N Sync,” Lance interrupted, fearing that he knew the answer. Joey had told him about JC’s fears, and Lance had assured Joey that that would never happen. That even if Justin had originally had that idea, by now he would have realized it was impossible.
“You guys knew? Then why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you help?! Fuck, I thought you liked Chris! I thought you were dating his sister!”
“Whatever I think of Chris and Molly, Justin,” Lance closed his eyes. He was not going to get into an argument about if he was or wasn’t dating Molly right then, “*N Sync is a quartet. We’ve been fine as a quartet for almost six years.”
“We were supposed to be five. If Chris hadn’t gone back to-“
“If Chris hadn’t gone back to Pennsylvania, maybe we wouldn’t be *N Sync, Justin.” Lance interrupted again. He was trying not to lose his patience with his friend. “But he went back, and you and JC formed the group and trying to force Chris to join is not fair to any of us. Not even to Chris.”
“How can you say that?” Justin yelled. “Of course it’s fair to Chris! It’s his dream!”
“It was his dream, J. Are you sure Chris still wants the same things he wanted back then? You haven’t even asked him about it.”
Justin shook his head, but Lance could see that he wasn’t really convincing his friend. When Justin got focused on an idea, it was very hard to make him change his mind.
Especially when he was convinced he was right.
“I can’t believe you won’t help me,” Justin finally said, looking out of the window. “Sure, I know JC would be against the idea at first, but I thought you and Joey would see why this is a good plan.”
“Why don’t you ask him, then?” Lance knew Joey wouldn’t like the idea either. Mostly because Joey had finally understood that the only one with the right to make choices about Chris’s life was Chris. “Better yet, ask JC too. You didn’t tell us about this because you knew we would be against the idea. But if you’re going to keep making plans about the group’s future, I think the whole group should be here to listen.”
* * *
When Justin said that he needed to talk with Lance, Joey decided that he would take the opportunity to come clean with JC about his bisexuality and his feelings for Chris.
Now that he knew that he had a real chance with Chris, he was not going to ruin it by hiding his feelings from the people who mattered. He couldn’t come out to the general public, but he could tell his friends. Lance already knew, and Joey didn’t worry a lot about Justin’s reaction. After all, Justin hadn’t reacted badly when they learned that Chris was gay.
But JC was his best friend.
Joey was not going to wait for JC to find out accidentally. He was going to tell him and hope that Lance’s perfect record in predicting people’s reactions wasn’t going to be broken now. If JC freaked, Joey would feel terribly bad.
But if he didn’t tell JC the truth, Joey knew he would hate himself.
He spent an hour rehearsing in his mind all the possible ways to tell the news to JC. It was a bit harder than he had expected, mostly because he had no idea of how to start. And in all the scenarios he had visualized, JC ended up angry at him. Joey knew it was mostly his own paranoia, because of all the original misgivings JC had about Chris, the fact that the man was gay had never factored into it. Not even after Daniel had confused JC with Howie.
“JC, I need to tell you something,” he blurted, after the buses were on the road.
“Sure,” JC had been listening to music while he watched the road pass by, but when Joey spoke he took off his headphones and turned to see him with attention. “What’s wrong?”
Joey took a deep breath. He wasn’t subtle; he wasn’t one to beat the bush around things. When he and Kelly had started their very open relationship, he had told the guys clearly. He was going to do the same thing now.
“I like men.” In hindsight perhaps that had been too blunt. But it was out on the open and now there was no looking back.
JC stared at him with that intense look that Joey knew meant that he was analyzing what he had just heard.
“You’re not gay,” JC finally said after a long silence.
“No, I’m bi. I like both men and women.”
“No, no.” JC shook his head. “You don’t like women. You love women. I’ve seen you, Joey. You make girl-watching an artform!”
“You’ve never seen me watch men,” Joey pointed out, quietly. JC was loud enough for both of them.
“Exactly! I have known you since we were kids and not once have I seen you look at a guy!”
“I’ve been discreet!”
“Joey, your idea of being discreet is closing your mouth so you don’t drool.”
“JC, that is not true!”
“You remember that girl in the ‘I drive myself crazy’ video? You walked into a wall because you were ‘discreetly’ watching her.”
“I told you, I’m bi! I’m not saying I don’t like women!”
“Well, I’ve never seen you walk into a wall because you were watching a man!”
Joey sighed. He hadn’t expected this. “Yes, you have. Not actually into a wall, but I’ve done my share of stupid things because I was watching guys.”
“Mention one,” JC dared him.
“What?”
“Tell me one time I saw you make a fool of yourself because you were watching a guy. I bet you can’t.”
Joey sighed. He knew that among all the stupid things he had done trying to impress a guy, only one of them would convince JC. One of the most embarrassing, and that he had wanted to forget for years. Unfortunately for him, there were a lot of photographs documenting his stupidity.
“Do you remember the stylist we had in 1999? The one who convinced Justin to let his hair alone for a while?” When JC nodded, Joey continued. “His favorite color was red.”
JC frowned. “Red?”
“Red. Bright red to be exact. That’s why I dyed it. I wanted to catch his attention.”
“He was married,” JC pointed out.
“Which was why I was making a fool of myself!” Joey shook his head. “People still remember the red engine head as one of our worst hair moments, and it got me nowhere. Unlike that time I ran into the wall, because that made Denise think I was funny.”
“Joey, you can’t like men.” JC insisted, passing a hand through his hair. “You can’t be gay! Or bi, or whatever! The fact that you like women is like the sky being blue! If the sky is not blue, the world is crazy!”
“JC, you’re exaggerating,” Joey started to say, when the bus stopped. JC frowned, confused, and was getting up when Lance and Justin walked in.
Neither looked very happy.
“Group meeting,” Lance announced. “We need to talk.”
* * *
Justin sat next to the window, opposite Lance. Nothing was going the way he had planned, and if he didn’t manage to convince Joey that his idea was a good one, he knew there was no way in hell he would convince JC that Chris had to join the group. Especially since Lance had decided not to be supportive.
And with everything out in the open like this, he really didn’t have much hope that he could make JC and Joey see that he was right and Lance and Nick were wrong.
Justin was doing what was fair, and it had nothing to do with feeling guilty, because he didn’t felt guilty about anything.
Why couldn’t Lance see it?
“What’s wrong, Lance?” Joey asked. Justin tried to keep his attention on him. He knew that Joey would be easy to convince.
“Justin has something to tell us,” Lance said, glaring at Justin. He still looked angry.
“J?” JC was frowning, which was not good. It meant that he and Joey had been arguing before Lance decided they should have a group meeting. Talking to JC when JC was thinking about something else was impossible. “What’s going on?”
“Lance is mad at me because I want to do the right thing.” Justin finally said.
“No, I’m angry because I’m tired of your habit of trying to control other people’s lives without letting them decide for themselves!” Lance said, crossing his arms. “And that includes the three of us. So please, Justin… just tell them the truth.”
“The truth is that I just want things to be as they should have been from the beginning!” Justin shook his head, starting to get frustrated.
“Justin, please tell me this is not about getting Chris to join the group,” Joey asked, almost whispering.
Justin opened his mouth to answer, only to be interrupted by JC.
“No way!” JC was shaking his head. “Justin, we’re a quartet. We’ve always been a quartet, and we will always be a quartet. Why are you so obsessed with Chris?”
“Because it was his idea!” Justin practically yelled. He couldn’t believe that after all this years his friends didn’t understand the situation. “Without him, all we’ve done is nothing! We need him in the group.”
JC didn’t say anything, just watched Justin, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Lance shook his head, and looked outside the window.
“Did Chris tell you to contact JC?” Joey asked, keeping his voice calm. “No, that was your idea. And I know that Chris didn’t mention me or Lance because he didn’t know we existed, so how can you say it was all his idea?”
“Because it was. Maybe JC and I polished it a little, but even so, without Chris it wouldn’t have happened!”
“You don’t know that,” Lance chimed in, and it was obvious that he was trying to keep his temper controlled. “You don’t even know what Chris thinks about this wonderful plan of yours because you haven’t told him.”
“I haven’t told him because he’s doing everything wrong.” Justin passed his hand through his hair, closing his eyes. “He shouldn’t be getting ready for a solo career. If he does that, everything will be ruined. The rest of it means nothing, without Chris.”
* * *
Lance was two heartbeats away from doing something he knew he would regret. Like hurting Justin or leaving the group.
Justin’s words made the first option look more interesting.
“So JC’s hard work to get us a record deal is nothing?” he asked Justin, not bothering to keep his contempt hidden. “The fact that we worked our butts off in Europe for a year was just for fun? My collapse? The lawsuits? What else was ‘nothing’, Justin?”
“That’s not what I meant, Lance.” Justin shook his head. “Don’t twist my words.”
“It sounded like you were saying that,” Joey added, quietly. The louder Justin and Lance got, the quieter Joey was.
“Well, I wasn’t!” Justin defended himself again. “I never said that we hadn’t done anything, well, I never meant that! I just-”
“You just said that it was nothing.” Lance interrupted. He was tired, but he was going to make Justin see his point. He realized that it was partly his fault. He had seen this coming, and hadn’t done anything about it. If they had talked before, maybe the explosion wouldn’t have been this big.
“It was for something for us, but not for the group!” Justin said, rolling his eyes. “Is that so hard to understand?”
“Not as hard as it is to understand that you can’t make decisions about someone else’s life, Justin. Chris had a job before we met him. A life. And I’ve got the feeling that you would have tried to destroy everything he had just to get him on the stage where you think he belongs, if Chris hadn’t lost his job like he did.”
“He was wasting his talent, Lance! And don’t try to dump it all on me; I know that you and Molly helped convince Chris to agree to sign his contract.”
“Molly and I just gave Chris our opinions, but if Chris had decided to stay in Albany and look for a new teaching job, it would have been fine with us, because it’s Chris’s life, and he was never wasting it.”
“Even if he was, Justin,” Joey piped in, looking straight into their friend’s eyes, “it’s Chris’s decision. He doesn’t need any more concerned ‘friends’ trying to decide what’s best for him.”
“And what do you know about that, Joey? You’ve been all over Chris ever since I introduced you guys, and it’s been obvious that you’re trying to score with Kate, now that Lance is dating Molly… what do you know about Chris or what he needs?”
“I was there when his ex, Daniel, came to try and force Chris to do what he thought was best for him, and when Howie acted as if Chris was a ten year old, who didn’t know any better. You were there too, Justin, so why do you want to act like those two?”
“I am not like those two! They weren’t thinking about Chris at all! All I want is to give him what he deserves.”
The worst part, Lance figured, was that Justin really believed that. Justin honestly thought that he was doing what was best for Chris.
That didn’t make things any better, in Lance’s opinion. It made them worse, because the bottom line was that Justin was doing everything just to feel better about himself.
“Don’t you think that maybe Chris is the one who should decide what’s best for him?” Lance asked, not moving from his seat.
Justin opened his mouth, closed it again, and lowered his head, as if defeated. Lance hoped that meant Justin finally understood what he had been trying to tell him.
“I know what’s best for him,” Justin said, not looking up. “For him, and for us.”
“And you couldn’t care less about what we think, right?” Lance asked. “It’s not as if we’re part of this group, too.”
* * *
Joey had some trouble following Justin and Lance’s fight. It was unusual to see Lance so angry with one of them, so Joey figured that whatever Justin had done must be huge.
When Chris’s name came up, his heart skipped a beat. Even though both Joey and Lance had reassured JC that Chris was never going to be a part of *N Sync, that Justin couldn’t be considering such a thing, both knew there was a slight chance that Justin was planning exactly that.
A lot of things were making sense to Joey now.
“Wait,” Joey held up his hand, making Justin look at him sharply. “You mean that everything you’ve done since Johnny told us he had signed Chris with Jive, not talking to Chris, looking angry about the whole thing, it’s all been because you want him in the group?”
“I’ve talked to him!” Justin defended himself, but Joey chose to ignore that.
“Justin, Chris doesn’t want to be a part of *N Sync. He’s happy with the way things are, and you would know that if you talked to him for more than five minutes at a time!”
“And how do you know that, huh?” Justin was very defensive, but Joey was not going to beat around the bush. He was still hurt over JC’s reaction to his confession, and he felt a bit sorry that Justin was going to take the brunt of it.
“I know it because I talk with Chris, and I’ve spent time with him,” Joey answered carefully. Even though almost everyone in the room now knew that he was very much interested in Chris, there was nothing solid between him and Chris. He was not going to start shouting from the rooftops that there was a relationship until there was one to shout about. “And when he talks about our shows, he says they’re perfect the way they are and that he’s happy for you and all of us. If he wanted in, he would have mentioned it.”
“Maybe he doesn’t mention it because he knew that you guys would act like this.” Justin crossed his arms over his chest. But Joey as starting to realize that the truth was that Justin really didn’t know Chris as well as he thought he did.
“Justin, why don’t you want to talk to Chris about this?” Joey figured that maybe changing tracks would make Justin see that they were right. “Ask him directly if he wants to be in *N Sync? I think you don’t want to, because you know that he’d refuse.”
“Fuck, Joey, just because Chris stayed at your house for a while, doesn’t mean that you know him, or that you’re his best friend! When I talk to him he barely mentions you! He couldn’t care less about you!”
* * *
JC was still trying to figure out why Joey would tell him he was attracted to men, when Lance and Justin arrived for the group meeting.
They wanted to talk about Chris Kirkpatrick, once again. JC was starting to hate Chris, just because of the fact that, some days, it seemed as if he was the only topic of conversation going on the buses.
Lance talked about Chris because he talked about Chris’s sister, even when he insisted they weren’t dating.
Justin talked about Chris because he was his ‘best friend’ and the one behind *N Sync, and JC was really tired of that particular line.
Joey talked about Chris because…
Why did Joey talk so much about Chris, anyway? JC frowned, deep in thought as the discussion kept going.
“So JC’s hard work to get us a record deal is nothing? The fact that we worked our butts off in Europe for a year was just for fun? My collapse? The lawsuits? What else was ‘nothing’, Justin?”
Lance was right. Justin knew how hard it had been to get where they were now, why was he trying to diminish it, to act as if just because there were only four of them it didn’t matter? And right there was what was wrong with Justin’s little idea, because they hadn’t followed ‘Chris’s plan’ to the letter. Justin had been the one who called his vocal teacher, and JC had thought about inviting Joey. They had nothing to do with Chris, of that JC was sure.
Justin kept conveniently forgetting that. It made JC very reluctant to talk to him. But then, Justin had always been good at forgetting what he wanted to forget. Ever since the MMC days, if it wasn’t about Justin, or Justin’s interests, it just wasn’t that important.
“It is Chris’s decision. He doesn’t need any more concerned *friends* trying to decide what’s best for him.”
Wasn’t that just a bit too convenient, though? JC wondered. Chris had ‘coincidentally’ met Justin, and ‘coincidentally’, they had ended up listening to Chris sing. It wasn’t a coincidence that Johnny had gone to hear Chris, because Justin had asked Johnny to go listen to him, but what if it hadn’t been *Justin’s* idea?
Sure, Justin was defending it, as if it was one of his ideas, but what if it wasn’t? After all, Chris was Howie’s exboyfriend, and Nick was Justin’s friend. How hard could it have been to orchestrate the whole thing, really?
Not that JC really thought that it had all been planned from the beginning. That was just stupid. Conspiracy theories weren’t his thing.
And it still didn’t explain why Joey was so interested in Chris.
“I know it because I talk with Chris, and I’ve spent time with him,”
And wasn’t that was an understatement? Joey had practically adopted Chris. It was always ‘Chris this’ and ‘Chris that’, with Joey, these days. The only time Joey got worse about a subject was when he saw a hot girl. Joey could spend weeks talking about a girl’s body, smile, eyes and mouth. Seeing him so obsessed with Chris was weird, because it wasn’t as if Joey was interested in men like that.
“No, I’m bi. I like both men and women.”
Except, apparently, he was. And that still made no sense. No matter what Joey said, that had to be a new development. JC was his best friend, he would have noticed if Joey liked guys.
Joey couldn’t like guys. That was absurd. He was Joey.
“Fuck, Joey, just because Chris stayed at your house for a while doesn’t mean that you know him or that you’re his best friend! When I talk to him he barely mentions you! He couldn’t care less about you!”
JC looked up at Justin’s angry shout just in time to see Joey’s face crumble. It was fast, just a split second before Joey regained his composure, but JC couldn’t deny he’d seen it.
Regardless of what he was thinking about Joey at the moment, he wasn’t going to let anyone make Joey feel like shit.
“Enough!” JC practically yelled, making everyone turn to look at him, surprised. And that was to be expected, JC guessed, because he never yelled. “Justin, I can’t believe you can’t see why Lance and Joey are angry with you. We are *N Sync. That means you and Lance, Joey and I. Anything about the group, is about us. You don’t get to make any decisions about it by yourself, and most importantly, you don’t get to say it was nothing! You’re my friend, and I love you like a brother, but you have to stop acting as if what you want is the only thing that matters!” Taking a deep breath, JC turned towards Lance. “Lance, I agree with you on this. I’ll agree that you’re always right and you’re always on top of things, but please, stop it. It’s creeping us out. Would it kill you to act surprised once in your life?” Lance, damn him, smiled a little before nodding. As if he had been expecting JC’s outburst. Shaking his head, JC turned to look at Joey. JC had a lot of things in his head that he wanted to tell Joey, but when he opened his mouth again, only one of them came out. “You’re in love with Chris!”
As JC watched Joey’s sad face, he felt the motion of the bus slow to a standstill. They had reached the day’s destination.
“Nice to see you finally believe me,” Joey said, looking at the floor. “But it doesn’t matter, does it? After all, Justin is sure that he couldn’t care less about me.”
And with that, Joey walked away, towards the direction of his bunk.
“You better find a way to fix that,” Lance told Justin, obviously angry, “Because I’m not going to keep fixing your messes.”
Then Lance left the bus, leaving JC and Justin alone.
“JC, I-” Justin began, but JC stopped him, with a movement of his hand.
“I don’t want to talk to you right now, Justin,” JC said, slowly. “My world has just been turned upside down, and for once, it is your fault. So just leave me alone for a while, ok?”
Before Justin could answer, JC stepped off the bus to try and find a place where he could think about what had just happened.
* * *
Chris was really nervous when he got off the plane. He had managed to pretend he was fine during the preparation time back in Albany and Orlando. But now that he realized that this was it, that there was no looking back, his stomach was tied in very tight knots.
Once he opened for *N Sync, he wouldn’t be able to back down from trying to make his music career work.
His last day at school had been too emotionally charged, and he still was reeling. All the students he had taught, those who still hadn’t graduated and the ones who were in his group, had gotten together to throw a small party in his honor. Mr. Putz had let them use the gym after classes.
Thinking about that moment when Murgia came up to him, told him he thought Chris was a great teacher and wished him luck, in front of all the students, Chris could feel his eyes watering.
He had admitted to himself long ago, that the main reason why he had never gone farther than the weekly shows at the Cauldron, was because he was more than a little afraid that it wouldn’t work, that no one would like him, and his dreams would end up in failure. If he didn’t try, he wouldn’t fail.
Now, though, he was excited, and nervous and more than a little scared. But he was going to go up on that stage, and do his best. Thankfully, it was only three songs, before it was Joey, Justin, JC and Lance’s turn to drive the audience wild.
When Chris saw the empty lobby of the hotel where the group was staying, he was a bit disappointed. He had hoped that Joey, Justin or Lance would be there to greet him, although he knew they were probably tired after their day on the road.
He got the key to his room and was getting his bag when the doors of the elevator open and a very tense Lance walked towards him.
“Hi, Lance. Is everything all right?” he asked, puzzled. He couldn’t remember seeing Lance so tense.
“Sort of. Look, Chris, we need to talk.”
To be continued…
Series: The Story of Us (V.2.0)
Rating: PG.
Pairing: Choey. Chris/Howie
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do at all with *N Sync, Backstreet Boys, their families or associates. The following story is a fiction work, loosely based on their public personalities but any actual resemblance to them is just a coincidence. No harm intended, no profit made. The story is just for the fans enjoyment and not a single word of it is true.
Notes: AU. Taking a little longer than usual, sorry about that. Many thanks to milosflaca who as usual checks all the continuity mistakes, to pensnest who heroically tries to explain me the difference between on and in and to evilshelly who did a record time betaing the story so you guys would have it sooner.
Summary: Chris-less *N Sync. Time goes on, Justin makes an statement and the guys have to talk about it.
* * * * *
Justin was getting frantic.
Chris would be joining them the next day as their opening act, which was good. But it meant that he was on his way to becoming a solo star, and that was bad.
“This is all wrong, Nick,” Justin groaned over the phone. “I can’t think of any way to stop this. Johnny won’t listen to me when I try to explain why Chris has to be in *N Sync, and I can’t tell Chris. This is getting completely out of control.”
“I don’t know, Justin. I think that maybe this is for the best,” Nick told him, sounding far too calm for Justin’s taste. “I mean, really, you got Chris a singing career. That’s good, isn’t it?”
Justin sighed, closing his eyes.
“Nick, have you listened to anything I’ve told you? Chris has to be in *N Sync! It’s his group!”
“Justin, *N Sync might have been formed out of his ideas, but it’s not his group. It’s your group. Yours and JC’s and Lance’s and Joey’s.”
“You sound like JC.”
“Well, maybe JC has a point, J.” Nick sounded tired. Justin couldn’t believe it. His friend had backed him up every time he needed help. Why he was now saying things couldn’t work? “I, c’mon, have you even asked Chris how he feels about it?”
“You know I can’t ask him. He’s going to get mad.”
“Exactly!” Nick wasn’t yelling, but to Justin it sounded as if he was. “J, I don’t really know the guy, but I think he’s a little tired of people trying to control his life. Wouldn’t you be, in his place?”
“I’m not trying to control his life! I’m trying to give him back what is his!”
“But what if he doesn’t want it?”
“What do you mean?” Justin frowned at the phone. “Of course he wants it!”
“I’m just saying that he didn’t jump at Johnny’s offer. Didn’t you tell me that Lance and Molly had to convince him?”
“Well, yeah, but now he is totally on board with the situation! He told us he’s happy!”
“Exactly. What if your plan backfires and ends up ruining his chance? Then you would have something real to feel guilty about.”
“I am not doing this out of guilt, Nick.”
“Justin, don’t lie to me. We’ve been friends for almost four years, I know how your mind works.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“Justin, come on.”
“No, you come on, Nick. You’re supposed to be my friend. You should be helping me, not telling me that I can’t help Chris.”
“You’ve already helped him, Justin. He’s about to start a new career that was his dream. You don’t need to do anything else.”
“It sounds as if you think this is a bad idea.”
“It is a bad idea. You can’t force Chris to join, and you can’t force your friends to accept it. And if you talked to them, you would see…”
“What I see is that you’re not on my side,” Justin said, angry. He couldn’t believe that Nick was turning his back on him. “You know? Don’t call me until you’ve got an idea that is not ‘Drop the whole thing.” And without waiting for Nick’s answer, Justin hung up.
Nick was wrong. Chris would be happy in *N Sync, Justin knew it.
But without Nick’s help, he would need to talk to the others.
Justin sighed. He was pretty sure that Lance would agree with his plan.
* * *
Nick stared at his cell phone for a moment, before closing it down.
It was useless to try and talk to Justin when he decided the universe was wrong and he was right. Usually, Nick just had to grin and bear whatever new idea Justin had until his friend was distracted by a new project, but on those occasions Justin’s ideas were mostly about his look, what he was going to give Britney as a gift to say ‘I wish you were with me now’, and occasionally, pranks to play on the other members of *N Sync.
This time, it was something that could affect another man’s life, and Nick couldn’t in good conscience help Justin.
Nick didn’t understand Justin’s obsession. He could more or less see why he wanted Chris to get a break in the business, because Nick would have done the same for a friend if he knew that said hypothetical friend had talent, and the desire to work on it. But the extent of Justin’s plan was a little scary, to say the least.
Nick had realized that he couldn’t do anything to make Justin stop, and that scared him. Anything he said was going to make Justin explode, just as it had done just now.
Maybe, he figured, he could ask the other guys for advice. But Kevin was away on his honeymoon, and Brian was busy with the preparations for his wedding. He doubted Howie would want to discuss Chris’s possible problems right now, especially if he hadn’t given up the idea of getting back together with him, and AJ…
Nick shook his head. Last time he had asked AJ for advice, they had ended up in a club dancing until the break of down. It had made him feel better, but it hadn’t actually helped with his problem.
Nick just hoped that maybe Lance, Joey or JC would be able to put some sense into Justin’s head.
* * *
Justin had told Lance that he wanted to talk, so when the buses stopped to refuel, Joey changed places with him and went to join JC on the other bus.
Since Chris was going to join them that day, Lance had a couple of theories of what Justin wanted to talk about.
He hoped he was wrong about that.
“Chris is coming today,” Justin said, as soon as they were alone.
“In a couple of hours, yeah,” Lance agreed, not looking up from the newspaper he was reading. “Things are going well for him.”
“I wanted to talk to you about that.” Justin sat down in front of Lance, who sighed and put down the paper. He knew he had to give Justin his full attention. “You know I asked Johnny to go and listen to Chris, right?”
“Yeah, it was pretty obvious,” Lance nodded. “You wanted Chris to have the chance that he had missed, and it worked. You should be proud of yourself.”
“I didn’t want for this to happen, Lance. This wasn’t my plan.”
“Justin, please tell me that JC was wrong when he told us that you wanted Chris to join *N Sync,” Lance interrupted, fearing that he knew the answer. Joey had told him about JC’s fears, and Lance had assured Joey that that would never happen. That even if Justin had originally had that idea, by now he would have realized it was impossible.
“You guys knew? Then why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you help?! Fuck, I thought you liked Chris! I thought you were dating his sister!”
“Whatever I think of Chris and Molly, Justin,” Lance closed his eyes. He was not going to get into an argument about if he was or wasn’t dating Molly right then, “*N Sync is a quartet. We’ve been fine as a quartet for almost six years.”
“We were supposed to be five. If Chris hadn’t gone back to-“
“If Chris hadn’t gone back to Pennsylvania, maybe we wouldn’t be *N Sync, Justin.” Lance interrupted again. He was trying not to lose his patience with his friend. “But he went back, and you and JC formed the group and trying to force Chris to join is not fair to any of us. Not even to Chris.”
“How can you say that?” Justin yelled. “Of course it’s fair to Chris! It’s his dream!”
“It was his dream, J. Are you sure Chris still wants the same things he wanted back then? You haven’t even asked him about it.”
Justin shook his head, but Lance could see that he wasn’t really convincing his friend. When Justin got focused on an idea, it was very hard to make him change his mind.
Especially when he was convinced he was right.
“I can’t believe you won’t help me,” Justin finally said, looking out of the window. “Sure, I know JC would be against the idea at first, but I thought you and Joey would see why this is a good plan.”
“Why don’t you ask him, then?” Lance knew Joey wouldn’t like the idea either. Mostly because Joey had finally understood that the only one with the right to make choices about Chris’s life was Chris. “Better yet, ask JC too. You didn’t tell us about this because you knew we would be against the idea. But if you’re going to keep making plans about the group’s future, I think the whole group should be here to listen.”
* * *
When Justin said that he needed to talk with Lance, Joey decided that he would take the opportunity to come clean with JC about his bisexuality and his feelings for Chris.
Now that he knew that he had a real chance with Chris, he was not going to ruin it by hiding his feelings from the people who mattered. He couldn’t come out to the general public, but he could tell his friends. Lance already knew, and Joey didn’t worry a lot about Justin’s reaction. After all, Justin hadn’t reacted badly when they learned that Chris was gay.
But JC was his best friend.
Joey was not going to wait for JC to find out accidentally. He was going to tell him and hope that Lance’s perfect record in predicting people’s reactions wasn’t going to be broken now. If JC freaked, Joey would feel terribly bad.
But if he didn’t tell JC the truth, Joey knew he would hate himself.
He spent an hour rehearsing in his mind all the possible ways to tell the news to JC. It was a bit harder than he had expected, mostly because he had no idea of how to start. And in all the scenarios he had visualized, JC ended up angry at him. Joey knew it was mostly his own paranoia, because of all the original misgivings JC had about Chris, the fact that the man was gay had never factored into it. Not even after Daniel had confused JC with Howie.
“JC, I need to tell you something,” he blurted, after the buses were on the road.
“Sure,” JC had been listening to music while he watched the road pass by, but when Joey spoke he took off his headphones and turned to see him with attention. “What’s wrong?”
Joey took a deep breath. He wasn’t subtle; he wasn’t one to beat the bush around things. When he and Kelly had started their very open relationship, he had told the guys clearly. He was going to do the same thing now.
“I like men.” In hindsight perhaps that had been too blunt. But it was out on the open and now there was no looking back.
JC stared at him with that intense look that Joey knew meant that he was analyzing what he had just heard.
“You’re not gay,” JC finally said after a long silence.
“No, I’m bi. I like both men and women.”
“No, no.” JC shook his head. “You don’t like women. You love women. I’ve seen you, Joey. You make girl-watching an artform!”
“You’ve never seen me watch men,” Joey pointed out, quietly. JC was loud enough for both of them.
“Exactly! I have known you since we were kids and not once have I seen you look at a guy!”
“I’ve been discreet!”
“Joey, your idea of being discreet is closing your mouth so you don’t drool.”
“JC, that is not true!”
“You remember that girl in the ‘I drive myself crazy’ video? You walked into a wall because you were ‘discreetly’ watching her.”
“I told you, I’m bi! I’m not saying I don’t like women!”
“Well, I’ve never seen you walk into a wall because you were watching a man!”
Joey sighed. He hadn’t expected this. “Yes, you have. Not actually into a wall, but I’ve done my share of stupid things because I was watching guys.”
“Mention one,” JC dared him.
“What?”
“Tell me one time I saw you make a fool of yourself because you were watching a guy. I bet you can’t.”
Joey sighed. He knew that among all the stupid things he had done trying to impress a guy, only one of them would convince JC. One of the most embarrassing, and that he had wanted to forget for years. Unfortunately for him, there were a lot of photographs documenting his stupidity.
“Do you remember the stylist we had in 1999? The one who convinced Justin to let his hair alone for a while?” When JC nodded, Joey continued. “His favorite color was red.”
JC frowned. “Red?”
“Red. Bright red to be exact. That’s why I dyed it. I wanted to catch his attention.”
“He was married,” JC pointed out.
“Which was why I was making a fool of myself!” Joey shook his head. “People still remember the red engine head as one of our worst hair moments, and it got me nowhere. Unlike that time I ran into the wall, because that made Denise think I was funny.”
“Joey, you can’t like men.” JC insisted, passing a hand through his hair. “You can’t be gay! Or bi, or whatever! The fact that you like women is like the sky being blue! If the sky is not blue, the world is crazy!”
“JC, you’re exaggerating,” Joey started to say, when the bus stopped. JC frowned, confused, and was getting up when Lance and Justin walked in.
Neither looked very happy.
“Group meeting,” Lance announced. “We need to talk.”
* * *
Justin sat next to the window, opposite Lance. Nothing was going the way he had planned, and if he didn’t manage to convince Joey that his idea was a good one, he knew there was no way in hell he would convince JC that Chris had to join the group. Especially since Lance had decided not to be supportive.
And with everything out in the open like this, he really didn’t have much hope that he could make JC and Joey see that he was right and Lance and Nick were wrong.
Justin was doing what was fair, and it had nothing to do with feeling guilty, because he didn’t felt guilty about anything.
Why couldn’t Lance see it?
“What’s wrong, Lance?” Joey asked. Justin tried to keep his attention on him. He knew that Joey would be easy to convince.
“Justin has something to tell us,” Lance said, glaring at Justin. He still looked angry.
“J?” JC was frowning, which was not good. It meant that he and Joey had been arguing before Lance decided they should have a group meeting. Talking to JC when JC was thinking about something else was impossible. “What’s going on?”
“Lance is mad at me because I want to do the right thing.” Justin finally said.
“No, I’m angry because I’m tired of your habit of trying to control other people’s lives without letting them decide for themselves!” Lance said, crossing his arms. “And that includes the three of us. So please, Justin… just tell them the truth.”
“The truth is that I just want things to be as they should have been from the beginning!” Justin shook his head, starting to get frustrated.
“Justin, please tell me this is not about getting Chris to join the group,” Joey asked, almost whispering.
Justin opened his mouth to answer, only to be interrupted by JC.
“No way!” JC was shaking his head. “Justin, we’re a quartet. We’ve always been a quartet, and we will always be a quartet. Why are you so obsessed with Chris?”
“Because it was his idea!” Justin practically yelled. He couldn’t believe that after all this years his friends didn’t understand the situation. “Without him, all we’ve done is nothing! We need him in the group.”
JC didn’t say anything, just watched Justin, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Lance shook his head, and looked outside the window.
“Did Chris tell you to contact JC?” Joey asked, keeping his voice calm. “No, that was your idea. And I know that Chris didn’t mention me or Lance because he didn’t know we existed, so how can you say it was all his idea?”
“Because it was. Maybe JC and I polished it a little, but even so, without Chris it wouldn’t have happened!”
“You don’t know that,” Lance chimed in, and it was obvious that he was trying to keep his temper controlled. “You don’t even know what Chris thinks about this wonderful plan of yours because you haven’t told him.”
“I haven’t told him because he’s doing everything wrong.” Justin passed his hand through his hair, closing his eyes. “He shouldn’t be getting ready for a solo career. If he does that, everything will be ruined. The rest of it means nothing, without Chris.”
* * *
Lance was two heartbeats away from doing something he knew he would regret. Like hurting Justin or leaving the group.
Justin’s words made the first option look more interesting.
“So JC’s hard work to get us a record deal is nothing?” he asked Justin, not bothering to keep his contempt hidden. “The fact that we worked our butts off in Europe for a year was just for fun? My collapse? The lawsuits? What else was ‘nothing’, Justin?”
“That’s not what I meant, Lance.” Justin shook his head. “Don’t twist my words.”
“It sounded like you were saying that,” Joey added, quietly. The louder Justin and Lance got, the quieter Joey was.
“Well, I wasn’t!” Justin defended himself again. “I never said that we hadn’t done anything, well, I never meant that! I just-”
“You just said that it was nothing.” Lance interrupted. He was tired, but he was going to make Justin see his point. He realized that it was partly his fault. He had seen this coming, and hadn’t done anything about it. If they had talked before, maybe the explosion wouldn’t have been this big.
“It was for something for us, but not for the group!” Justin said, rolling his eyes. “Is that so hard to understand?”
“Not as hard as it is to understand that you can’t make decisions about someone else’s life, Justin. Chris had a job before we met him. A life. And I’ve got the feeling that you would have tried to destroy everything he had just to get him on the stage where you think he belongs, if Chris hadn’t lost his job like he did.”
“He was wasting his talent, Lance! And don’t try to dump it all on me; I know that you and Molly helped convince Chris to agree to sign his contract.”
“Molly and I just gave Chris our opinions, but if Chris had decided to stay in Albany and look for a new teaching job, it would have been fine with us, because it’s Chris’s life, and he was never wasting it.”
“Even if he was, Justin,” Joey piped in, looking straight into their friend’s eyes, “it’s Chris’s decision. He doesn’t need any more concerned ‘friends’ trying to decide what’s best for him.”
“And what do you know about that, Joey? You’ve been all over Chris ever since I introduced you guys, and it’s been obvious that you’re trying to score with Kate, now that Lance is dating Molly… what do you know about Chris or what he needs?”
“I was there when his ex, Daniel, came to try and force Chris to do what he thought was best for him, and when Howie acted as if Chris was a ten year old, who didn’t know any better. You were there too, Justin, so why do you want to act like those two?”
“I am not like those two! They weren’t thinking about Chris at all! All I want is to give him what he deserves.”
The worst part, Lance figured, was that Justin really believed that. Justin honestly thought that he was doing what was best for Chris.
That didn’t make things any better, in Lance’s opinion. It made them worse, because the bottom line was that Justin was doing everything just to feel better about himself.
“Don’t you think that maybe Chris is the one who should decide what’s best for him?” Lance asked, not moving from his seat.
Justin opened his mouth, closed it again, and lowered his head, as if defeated. Lance hoped that meant Justin finally understood what he had been trying to tell him.
“I know what’s best for him,” Justin said, not looking up. “For him, and for us.”
“And you couldn’t care less about what we think, right?” Lance asked. “It’s not as if we’re part of this group, too.”
* * *
Joey had some trouble following Justin and Lance’s fight. It was unusual to see Lance so angry with one of them, so Joey figured that whatever Justin had done must be huge.
When Chris’s name came up, his heart skipped a beat. Even though both Joey and Lance had reassured JC that Chris was never going to be a part of *N Sync, that Justin couldn’t be considering such a thing, both knew there was a slight chance that Justin was planning exactly that.
A lot of things were making sense to Joey now.
“Wait,” Joey held up his hand, making Justin look at him sharply. “You mean that everything you’ve done since Johnny told us he had signed Chris with Jive, not talking to Chris, looking angry about the whole thing, it’s all been because you want him in the group?”
“I’ve talked to him!” Justin defended himself, but Joey chose to ignore that.
“Justin, Chris doesn’t want to be a part of *N Sync. He’s happy with the way things are, and you would know that if you talked to him for more than five minutes at a time!”
“And how do you know that, huh?” Justin was very defensive, but Joey was not going to beat around the bush. He was still hurt over JC’s reaction to his confession, and he felt a bit sorry that Justin was going to take the brunt of it.
“I know it because I talk with Chris, and I’ve spent time with him,” Joey answered carefully. Even though almost everyone in the room now knew that he was very much interested in Chris, there was nothing solid between him and Chris. He was not going to start shouting from the rooftops that there was a relationship until there was one to shout about. “And when he talks about our shows, he says they’re perfect the way they are and that he’s happy for you and all of us. If he wanted in, he would have mentioned it.”
“Maybe he doesn’t mention it because he knew that you guys would act like this.” Justin crossed his arms over his chest. But Joey as starting to realize that the truth was that Justin really didn’t know Chris as well as he thought he did.
“Justin, why don’t you want to talk to Chris about this?” Joey figured that maybe changing tracks would make Justin see that they were right. “Ask him directly if he wants to be in *N Sync? I think you don’t want to, because you know that he’d refuse.”
“Fuck, Joey, just because Chris stayed at your house for a while, doesn’t mean that you know him, or that you’re his best friend! When I talk to him he barely mentions you! He couldn’t care less about you!”
* * *
JC was still trying to figure out why Joey would tell him he was attracted to men, when Lance and Justin arrived for the group meeting.
They wanted to talk about Chris Kirkpatrick, once again. JC was starting to hate Chris, just because of the fact that, some days, it seemed as if he was the only topic of conversation going on the buses.
Lance talked about Chris because he talked about Chris’s sister, even when he insisted they weren’t dating.
Justin talked about Chris because he was his ‘best friend’ and the one behind *N Sync, and JC was really tired of that particular line.
Joey talked about Chris because…
Why did Joey talk so much about Chris, anyway? JC frowned, deep in thought as the discussion kept going.
“So JC’s hard work to get us a record deal is nothing? The fact that we worked our butts off in Europe for a year was just for fun? My collapse? The lawsuits? What else was ‘nothing’, Justin?”
Lance was right. Justin knew how hard it had been to get where they were now, why was he trying to diminish it, to act as if just because there were only four of them it didn’t matter? And right there was what was wrong with Justin’s little idea, because they hadn’t followed ‘Chris’s plan’ to the letter. Justin had been the one who called his vocal teacher, and JC had thought about inviting Joey. They had nothing to do with Chris, of that JC was sure.
Justin kept conveniently forgetting that. It made JC very reluctant to talk to him. But then, Justin had always been good at forgetting what he wanted to forget. Ever since the MMC days, if it wasn’t about Justin, or Justin’s interests, it just wasn’t that important.
“It is Chris’s decision. He doesn’t need any more concerned *friends* trying to decide what’s best for him.”
Wasn’t that just a bit too convenient, though? JC wondered. Chris had ‘coincidentally’ met Justin, and ‘coincidentally’, they had ended up listening to Chris sing. It wasn’t a coincidence that Johnny had gone to hear Chris, because Justin had asked Johnny to go listen to him, but what if it hadn’t been *Justin’s* idea?
Sure, Justin was defending it, as if it was one of his ideas, but what if it wasn’t? After all, Chris was Howie’s exboyfriend, and Nick was Justin’s friend. How hard could it have been to orchestrate the whole thing, really?
Not that JC really thought that it had all been planned from the beginning. That was just stupid. Conspiracy theories weren’t his thing.
And it still didn’t explain why Joey was so interested in Chris.
“I know it because I talk with Chris, and I’ve spent time with him,”
And wasn’t that was an understatement? Joey had practically adopted Chris. It was always ‘Chris this’ and ‘Chris that’, with Joey, these days. The only time Joey got worse about a subject was when he saw a hot girl. Joey could spend weeks talking about a girl’s body, smile, eyes and mouth. Seeing him so obsessed with Chris was weird, because it wasn’t as if Joey was interested in men like that.
“No, I’m bi. I like both men and women.”
Except, apparently, he was. And that still made no sense. No matter what Joey said, that had to be a new development. JC was his best friend, he would have noticed if Joey liked guys.
Joey couldn’t like guys. That was absurd. He was Joey.
“Fuck, Joey, just because Chris stayed at your house for a while doesn’t mean that you know him or that you’re his best friend! When I talk to him he barely mentions you! He couldn’t care less about you!”
JC looked up at Justin’s angry shout just in time to see Joey’s face crumble. It was fast, just a split second before Joey regained his composure, but JC couldn’t deny he’d seen it.
Regardless of what he was thinking about Joey at the moment, he wasn’t going to let anyone make Joey feel like shit.
“Enough!” JC practically yelled, making everyone turn to look at him, surprised. And that was to be expected, JC guessed, because he never yelled. “Justin, I can’t believe you can’t see why Lance and Joey are angry with you. We are *N Sync. That means you and Lance, Joey and I. Anything about the group, is about us. You don’t get to make any decisions about it by yourself, and most importantly, you don’t get to say it was nothing! You’re my friend, and I love you like a brother, but you have to stop acting as if what you want is the only thing that matters!” Taking a deep breath, JC turned towards Lance. “Lance, I agree with you on this. I’ll agree that you’re always right and you’re always on top of things, but please, stop it. It’s creeping us out. Would it kill you to act surprised once in your life?” Lance, damn him, smiled a little before nodding. As if he had been expecting JC’s outburst. Shaking his head, JC turned to look at Joey. JC had a lot of things in his head that he wanted to tell Joey, but when he opened his mouth again, only one of them came out. “You’re in love with Chris!”
As JC watched Joey’s sad face, he felt the motion of the bus slow to a standstill. They had reached the day’s destination.
“Nice to see you finally believe me,” Joey said, looking at the floor. “But it doesn’t matter, does it? After all, Justin is sure that he couldn’t care less about me.”
And with that, Joey walked away, towards the direction of his bunk.
“You better find a way to fix that,” Lance told Justin, obviously angry, “Because I’m not going to keep fixing your messes.”
Then Lance left the bus, leaving JC and Justin alone.
“JC, I-” Justin began, but JC stopped him, with a movement of his hand.
“I don’t want to talk to you right now, Justin,” JC said, slowly. “My world has just been turned upside down, and for once, it is your fault. So just leave me alone for a while, ok?”
Before Justin could answer, JC stepped off the bus to try and find a place where he could think about what had just happened.
* * *
Chris was really nervous when he got off the plane. He had managed to pretend he was fine during the preparation time back in Albany and Orlando. But now that he realized that this was it, that there was no looking back, his stomach was tied in very tight knots.
Once he opened for *N Sync, he wouldn’t be able to back down from trying to make his music career work.
His last day at school had been too emotionally charged, and he still was reeling. All the students he had taught, those who still hadn’t graduated and the ones who were in his group, had gotten together to throw a small party in his honor. Mr. Putz had let them use the gym after classes.
Thinking about that moment when Murgia came up to him, told him he thought Chris was a great teacher and wished him luck, in front of all the students, Chris could feel his eyes watering.
He had admitted to himself long ago, that the main reason why he had never gone farther than the weekly shows at the Cauldron, was because he was more than a little afraid that it wouldn’t work, that no one would like him, and his dreams would end up in failure. If he didn’t try, he wouldn’t fail.
Now, though, he was excited, and nervous and more than a little scared. But he was going to go up on that stage, and do his best. Thankfully, it was only three songs, before it was Joey, Justin, JC and Lance’s turn to drive the audience wild.
When Chris saw the empty lobby of the hotel where the group was staying, he was a bit disappointed. He had hoped that Joey, Justin or Lance would be there to greet him, although he knew they were probably tired after their day on the road.
He got the key to his room and was getting his bag when the doors of the elevator open and a very tense Lance walked towards him.
“Hi, Lance. Is everything all right?” he asked, puzzled. He couldn’t remember seeing Lance so tense.
“Sort of. Look, Chris, we need to talk.”
To be continued…