Garret Story

Jun 26, 2009 15:19

Hey Guys and Gals ( Read more... )

garrett stories, detective fiction, writing

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Comments 2

genki_blu June 27 2009, 00:03:52 UTC
In the first paragraph, I think you use the word 'come' too often: "He had come to school by himself today. Uncle Liam had gotten a call early that morning to come to the station, which meant another dead body had been found. But Uncle Liam had promised that he would come to the school as soon as he could."

... now get your mind out of the gutter!

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mouse2cat June 27 2009, 00:43:07 UTC
I thought it was sweet. Keep it up!

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