What should have happened today
Another gapfiller for today's episode.
After watching the bar scene, I just had to write this. I'm writing another fic for another fandom, but today I couldn't think of anything but Luke and Reid, and how sad Reid was all the time. I just needed to get it out of my system, or I'll never be able to go back to the other fic.
I hope you like it. It's unbetaed, and English is not my first language, so yeah, you're going to find some mistakes, hopefully not too many.
But I just HAD to write this TODAY. Maybe now I'll be able to stop thinking about LuRe and get some sleep.
Title: When Reid left the bar
Author: anwamane13
Beta: none
Rating - PG-13
One-shot
“What are you doing here, Luke?”
“Hummm…I’m not entirely sure.”
‘As always. God, not again’, Reid thought. “Don’t you want to stay with Noah?”
“He don’t want me to stay.”
Oh. That’s the reason why Luke was at a bar when he didn’t drink. For a stupid, brief moment, Reid had the illusion that Luke had came looking for him. But then again, who would do that?
Luke went on. “ I think he’s…confused about his feelings for me after everything that’s happened.”
“I’m not.” Fuck he had said it, and he didn’t have any intention to say something that showed Luke that he was…he was what? Sad? Depressed? Rejected? Reid looked at Luke’s brown eyes, really looked, and the almost ‘I’m sorry’ look he saw there made something deep inside him ache. ‘I must be really drunk, ‘ he thought. But after the third beer, who wouldn’t be? Reid didn’t have the habit to drink, not like this, because he needed to always be alert in case the hospital needed him.
Suddenly, the air was too heavy. It fucking hurt just to breathe. Keeping his poker face, Reid started to get up and he saw Luke’s mouth opening, like the blond was about to say something. He didn’t want to know what Luke had to say, he really didn’t, because deep inside, Reid already knew what it was. Not the exact words, but definitely, something to do with Noah. He threw some money on the counter, knowing that Luke was eyeing him expectantly.
“I can’t do this,” he said, turning his back as fast as he could, grabbing his jacket and leaving Yo’s as if the world was about to end.
Outside, Reid stopped and took a deep breath. The sky was already dark and he didn’t want to go home, but where would he go? He just wanted to be alone. His office at the hospital was not an option, not after three beers. Thank God he had told Bob that he would take the night off, and since he never did that, Bob said it was only fair. His only patient at the moment was Noah, and Noah was more than fine, so he didn’t have to worry.
Noah Mayer…he couldn’t even hate the guy. He seemed to really love Luke; at least that was what he had said. It would be better for everyone involved if Noah got Luke back. This way, Luke and Noah would be happy forever as they were meant to be, romantic diners, flowers and all. And Reid would go back to the comfort and safety that only Neurology could provide. Fuck Mr. Snyder and his kisses and his bright smile and…Shit, he was thinking about Luke Snyder again!
Reid walked to his car slowly. Now that he wasn’t in the same place as Luke, he wasn’t in such a hurry anymore. After all, he had nowhere else to go. Maybe the hospital’s roof would be a good idea, as long as no one saw him getting in, which would be tricky. But there, he would have a place to be alone and not think about the mess his life had turned into since he arrived in Oakhell. Maybe he should buy some more beers on his way, but no, he would have a hangover the next day and if the hospital needed him…Reid snorted. At least he could always count on that. No one needed him, but the hospital, his patients, did.
… …
The roof was cold and Reid cursed because he had left his jacket inside the car, but he was feeling too tired to go there and pick it up. He sat on a short brick wall and stared at Oakdale’s lights. Funny, he had never taken a second look at Dallas at night, not as he was looking at Oakdale now. He thought about his job in Texas, his patients, and the fact that he had left them so suddenly and hadn’t come back made him feel guilty. Almost.
Shivering, he ran his hands through his face, thinking about Luke again. Reid didn’t have it in him to mope. He had never, ever, stopped to think twice about someone he wanted, if the person didn’t want him back. Maybe because he had never wanted someone so much. But Luke didn’t wante him. The thought made something inside him hurt again, but Reid convinced himself that it would pass. Like everything else in his life, this…feeling, this would pass too, and he would be left with his work and the lonely life that he had chosen for himself. He didn’t like people that much, anyway.
“That’s it, Reid,” he said to himself. “You have this night, this one night to mope and feel sorry for yourself. Tomorrow, you wake up and move on.”
“You’re shivering,” a voice said from behind him, making him jump a little.
“Jesus, are you trying to kill me?”
“Nope,” Luke said, coming closer.
“What are you doing here, anyway? If you want to be alone, isn’t there another place for you to think about your boyfriend? Don’t you have a porch, a bedroom, a secret place or somewhere else you can go to? I don’t know Oakhell very well, I got here the other day, so leave me alone, go find your own place to hide. I got here first.”
“I followed you.”
“What for?” Reid sighed and got up to leave. Again. This was becoming a habit, one he didn’t like one bit. He got near Luke, his chest ached and he had to leave. Shit. “We already said it all; I get it, so if you excuse me…”
“Reid,” Luke grabbed his arm.
“Let go off my arm, Mr. Snyder.”
“I wanna talk to you.”
“But I don’t want to talk to you, so I think we should leave it at that.”
“Listen, Reid…”
“What do you want from me, Luke? Let me go.” He tried to release his arm, but Luke held him more firmly.
“I want you to understand what’s going on.”
“I understand, Luke. More than you think.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Look, Noah said this afternoon that he’s sorry he pushed you away and that he wants to be with you. I told him to fight for what he wants, and apparently, for now, it’s you. So why don’t you run into his arms and walk with him towards the sunset? Isn’t that what you want?”
“ I don’t want that.”
“Then, what do you want? What the hell do you want?” Reid released his arm from Luke’s grasp. “Oh, I forgot. You don’t exactly know.”
“You’re wrong. I know what I want. I just don’t know how to get it.”
“I told you. Noah must be waiting for you right now. He’s what you want, so don’t waste your time and go to him. Just leave me alone, will you?”
“But it’s not like that.”
“What part of ‘leave me alone’ you can’t understand? God, can’t I stay here and be miserable on my own, just once? You have to invade every space, you have to be everywhere? Go live your happy little life and leave me, okay?”
“Noah pushed me away.”
“You already said that. And, because I’m the ‘replacement’, you came after me. I told you, I can’t do this. I get it, you’re upset that Noah pushed you away again, but just go cry in your Mommy’s lap, who, by the way, said that Noah is her son as much as you are. Go and please, close the door on your way out.”
“Will you let me speak or not?” Luke almost yelled at him, making Reid stop his ranting and look at the blond, eyes wide.
“I’m not sure I want to hear what you have to say,” he admitted.
“Well. I’m already here, so it’s just as well that I do what I came here to do.”
“And what would that be?”
Luke stepped forward, grabbed Reid’s head with both hands and planted a kiss on his mouth. Reid’s eyes got even wider, but the feeling of Luke’s soft mouth on his was so enticing, that he closed his eyes after a few seconds and just enjoyed it. He didn’t kiss Luke back, though. He couldn’t, because if he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop. And Luke would definitely want to stop.
Luke didn’t let go of his head when the kiss ended. Instead, he searched the redhead’s eyes and said softly, “Noah pushed me away again. Don’t you see? He let me go again, after everything I did to him, after he got his sight back. He’s still unsure about what he wants, after everything we went through. He let me go, Reid. I…I don’t need to feel guilty anymore, like I need to stay with him because his accident was my fault - “
“It wasn’t.”
“Let me finish, please.”
“Okay,” Reid whispered, inhaling and feeling Luke’s scent, so close that it made him a little dizzy.
“I love Noah. I want him to be a part of my life forever.” When Reid flinched, Luke hurried to go on. “But I’m not in love with him anymore.”
“You’re not?” Reid asked almost stupidly.
“No. We’ve been growing apart for a long time. When he was blind, I asked him “all or nothing” and he chose nothing. But I still held on, thinking that maybe, maybe when he got his sight back he would change his mind. Want me again.”
“Well, he got his sight back. Not a hundred percent, but he will, with time.”
“Yeah, but now things are different.” Luke tried to kiss him again.
“Don’t. And don't tell me it’s because of me, Luke. I’m not buying that.” Reid stepped backwards, putting some distance between him and Luke.
“But it is. Don’t you see? It is, because when I’m with Noah I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“And,” Reid deadpanned, “when you’re with me you can’t stop thinking about him.”
“That’s true, but not for the reason you think.”
“And what is the reason, Luke? Because every time I ask you what you want, you say you don’t know. Would you care to explain what is this fucking reason, because I don’t see any logic in what you’re saying.”
“When I’m with Noah I feel sad, worried and…guilty, mostly. And I can’t stop thinking about how good you and your eternal sarcasm make me feel. When I’m with you, I feel…light, I feel the will to laugh, Reid. But I also feel guilty that when I’m with you I don’t miss Noah at all, even though we’ve been together for the last three years and I caused his accident.”
“So that’s why when we’re together you talk about him all the time? Out of guilt? God, you’re a sucker for punishment.”
“It doesn’t matter now. When Noah pushed me away today, I realized that, this time, I wanted him to let me go. I want him to not need me anymore, and to get his sight fully healed. So I can do what I really want, Reid.”
“Look, you don’t have to - “
“What I really want is to be with you.”
“Until Noah wants you back?”
“He already said that he wants me back, right after he woke up. And I said I my feelings had changed.”
Reid took a deep breath and tried to clear his head. Maybe he had drunk too much. Was Luke saying that he had finally made his choice? And it was…him?
“I know I told you just now that I didn’t know how to get what I want, but…I do know. I’m asking you, Reid, if it will be all or nothing, just like I asked Noah. I can’t go into this with you halfway. I’m falling in love with you and I’m asking Reid…all or nothing?”
Reid stared at Luke for a few seconds, trying to make his brain work and his heart to stop racing.
“Well? You said today that you knew how you feel about me. All or nothing, Reid?”
“All, I want fucking all,” Reid exploded, grabbing Luke by the hips and kissing him hard. “I want everything,” he said between kisses and nibbles, finally letting go. “I want to fight and to make up, and for you to criticize my bedside manners, and I want to tell you how infuriatingly happy you are. I want all, Luke.”
“Good, ‘cause that’s what I want too.”
They kissed again, this time slowly but not less intense. Their bodies locked together, Luke noticed when Reid shivered again.
“You’re still shivering,” he said.
“I forgot the damn jacketin the car. But I’m not shivering from cold,” Reid answered in a husky voice. “Now it’s something entirely different.”
Luke gave Reid his ten thousand mega-watt smile. “I have something in mind too. What are we going to do about it?”
“Go to my place and sort this out?”
“I love how romantic you are, Reid.”
“I told you, I have no experience with relationships. I don’t know how to be with someone. Maybe I’ll blow this, you know.”
“No, you won’t; I won’t let you. I already know your flaws and I still want you. And you know what? I have no experience with relationships either, not the happy and without drama ones.
Maybe this is something we can learn together.”
“You know, Mr. Snyder, once in a while, you have some really good ideas.”
Luke grabbed Reid’s hand and pulled him out of the roof, out of the hospital, and into the rest of their lives together.
A/N: Thanks to all those who took their time to send a comment: reilaroo , sripley , freakandwack , sixtieshairdo , meooowww , glancast , odisowner , untiltimeends , suzvoy , lillianone , ladynomad915 , yay_for_gays ,ycorgigirl , casaluna85 , chasing_nothing , moonlessky , lov3anonymous , csifan3 , frodine , martial_11 .
You made me very happy. <3 <3 <3
After watching the bar scene, I just had to write this. I'm writing another fic for another fandom, but today I couldn't think of anything but Luke and Reid, and how sad Reid was all the time. I just needed to get it out of my system, or I'll never be able to go back to the other fic.
I hope you like it. It's unbetaed, and English is not my first language, so yeah, you're going to find some mistakes, hopefully not too many.
But I just HAD to write this TODAY. Maybe now I'll be able to stop thinking about LuRe and get some sleep.
Title: When Reid left the bar
Author: anwamane13
Beta: none
Rating - PG-13
One-shot
“What are you doing here, Luke?”
“Hummm…I’m not entirely sure.”
‘As always. God, not again’, Reid thought. “Don’t you want to stay with Noah?”
“He don’t want me to stay.”
Oh. That’s the reason why Luke was at a bar when he didn’t drink. For a stupid, brief moment, Reid had the illusion that Luke had came looking for him. But then again, who would do that?
Luke went on. “ I think he’s…confused about his feelings for me after everything that’s happened.”
“I’m not.” Fuck he had said it, and he didn’t have any intention to say something that showed Luke that he was…he was what? Sad? Depressed? Rejected? Reid looked at Luke’s brown eyes, really looked, and the almost ‘I’m sorry’ look he saw there made something deep inside him ache. ‘I must be really drunk, ‘ he thought. But after the third beer, who wouldn’t be? Reid didn’t have the habit to drink, not like this, because he needed to always be alert in case the hospital needed him.
Suddenly, the air was too heavy. It fucking hurt just to breathe. Keeping his poker face, Reid started to get up and he saw Luke’s mouth opening, like the blond was about to say something. He didn’t want to know what Luke had to say, he really didn’t, because deep inside, Reid already knew what it was. Not the exact words, but definitely, something to do with Noah. He threw some money on the counter, knowing that Luke was eyeing him expectantly.
“I can’t do this,” he said, turning his back as fast as he could, grabbing his jacket and leaving Yo’s as if the world was about to end.
Outside, Reid stopped and took a deep breath. The sky was already dark and he didn’t want to go home, but where would he go? He just wanted to be alone. His office at the hospital was not an option, not after three beers. Thank God he had told Bob that he would take the night off, and since he never did that, Bob said it was only fair. His only patient at the moment was Noah, and Noah was more than fine, so he didn’t have to worry.
Noah Mayer…he couldn’t even hate the guy. He seemed to really love Luke; at least that was what he had said. It would be better for everyone involved if Noah got Luke back. This way, Luke and Noah would be happy forever as they were meant to be, romantic diners, flowers and all. And Reid would go back to the comfort and safety that only Neurology could provide. Fuck Mr. Snyder and his kisses and his bright smile and…Shit, he was thinking about Luke Snyder again!
Reid walked to his car slowly. Now that he wasn’t in the same place as Luke, he wasn’t in such a hurry anymore. After all, he had nowhere else to go. Maybe the hospital’s roof would be a good idea, as long as no one saw him getting in, which would be tricky. But there, he would have a place to be alone and not think about the mess his life had turned into since he arrived in Oakhell. Maybe he should buy some more beers on his way, but no, he would have a hangover the next day and if the hospital needed him…Reid snorted. At least he could always count on that. No one needed him, but the hospital, his patients, did.
… …
The roof was cold and Reid cursed because he had left his jacket inside the car, but he was feeling too tired to go there and pick it up. He sat on a short brick wall and stared at Oakdale’s lights. Funny, he had never taken a second look at Dallas at night, not as he was looking at Oakdale now. He thought about his job in Texas, his patients, and the fact that he had left them so suddenly and hadn’t come back made him feel guilty. Almost.
Shivering, he ran his hands through his face, thinking about Luke again. Reid didn’t have it in him to mope. He had never, ever, stopped to think twice about someone he wanted, if the person didn’t want him back. Maybe because he had never wanted someone so much. But Luke didn’t wante him. The thought made something inside him hurt again, but Reid convinced himself that it would pass. Like everything else in his life, this…feeling, this would pass too, and he would be left with his work and the lonely life that he had chosen for himself. He didn’t like people that much, anyway.
“That’s it, Reid,” he said to himself. “You have this night, this one night to mope and feel sorry for yourself. Tomorrow, you wake up and move on.”
“You’re shivering,” a voice said from behind him, making him jump a little.
“Jesus, are you trying to kill me?”
“Nope,” Luke said, coming closer.
“What are you doing here, anyway? If you want to be alone, isn’t there another place for you to think about your boyfriend? Don’t you have a porch, a bedroom, a secret place or somewhere else you can go to? I don’t know Oakhell very well, I got here the other day, so leave me alone, go find your own place to hide. I got here first.”
“I followed you.”
“What for?” Reid sighed and got up to leave. Again. This was becoming a habit, one he didn’t like one bit. He got near Luke, his chest ached and he had to leave. Shit. “We already said it all; I get it, so if you excuse me…”
“Reid,” Luke grabbed his arm.
“Let go off my arm, Mr. Snyder.”
“I wanna talk to you.”
“But I don’t want to talk to you, so I think we should leave it at that.”
“Listen, Reid…”
“What do you want from me, Luke? Let me go.” He tried to release his arm, but Luke held him more firmly.
“I want you to understand what’s going on.”
“I understand, Luke. More than you think.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Look, Noah said this afternoon that he’s sorry he pushed you away and that he wants to be with you. I told him to fight for what he wants, and apparently, for now, it’s you. So why don’t you run into his arms and walk with him towards the sunset? Isn’t that what you want?”
“ I don’t want that.”
“Then, what do you want? What the hell do you want?” Reid released his arm from Luke’s grasp. “Oh, I forgot. You don’t exactly know.”
“You’re wrong. I know what I want. I just don’t know how to get it.”
“I told you. Noah must be waiting for you right now. He’s what you want, so don’t waste your time and go to him. Just leave me alone, will you?”
“But it’s not like that.”
“What part of ‘leave me alone’ you can’t understand? God, can’t I stay here and be miserable on my own, just once? You have to invade every space, you have to be everywhere? Go live your happy little life and leave me, okay?”
“Noah pushed me away.”
“You already said that. And, because I’m the ‘replacement’, you came after me. I told you, I can’t do this. I get it, you’re upset that Noah pushed you away again, but just go cry in your Mommy’s lap, who, by the way, said that Noah is her son as much as you are. Go and please, close the door on your way out.”
“Will you let me speak or not?” Luke almost yelled at him, making Reid stop his ranting and look at the blond, eyes wide.
“I’m not sure I want to hear what you have to say,” he admitted.
“Well. I’m already here, so it’s just as well that I do what I came here to do.”
“And what would that be?”
Luke stepped forward, grabbed Reid’s head with both hands and planted a kiss on his mouth. Reid’s eyes got even wider, but the feeling of Luke’s soft mouth on his was so enticing, that he closed his eyes after a few seconds and just enjoyed it. He didn’t kiss Luke back, though. He couldn’t, because if he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop. And Luke would definitely want to stop.
Luke didn’t let go of his head when the kiss ended. Instead, he searched the redhead’s eyes and said softly, “Noah pushed me away again. Don’t you see? He let me go again, after everything I did to him, after he got his sight back. He’s still unsure about what he wants, after everything we went through. He let me go, Reid. I…I don’t need to feel guilty anymore, like I need to stay with him because his accident was my fault - “
“It wasn’t.”
“Let me finish, please.”
“Okay,” Reid whispered, inhaling and feeling Luke’s scent, so close that it made him a little dizzy.
“I love Noah. I want him to be a part of my life forever.” When Reid flinched, Luke hurried to go on. “But I’m not in love with him anymore.”
“You’re not?” Reid asked almost stupidly.
“No. We’ve been growing apart for a long time. When he was blind, I asked him “all or nothing” and he chose nothing. But I still held on, thinking that maybe, maybe when he got his sight back he would change his mind. Want me again.”
“Well, he got his sight back. Not a hundred percent, but he will, with time.”
“Yeah, but now things are different.” Luke tried to kiss him again.
“Don’t. And don't tell me it’s because of me, Luke. I’m not buying that.” Reid stepped backwards, putting some distance between him and Luke.
“But it is. Don’t you see? It is, because when I’m with Noah I can’t stop thinking about you.”
“And,” Reid deadpanned, “when you’re with me you can’t stop thinking about him.”
“That’s true, but not for the reason you think.”
“And what is the reason, Luke? Because every time I ask you what you want, you say you don’t know. Would you care to explain what is this fucking reason, because I don’t see any logic in what you’re saying.”
“When I’m with Noah I feel sad, worried and…guilty, mostly. And I can’t stop thinking about how good you and your eternal sarcasm make me feel. When I’m with you, I feel…light, I feel the will to laugh, Reid. But I also feel guilty that when I’m with you I don’t miss Noah at all, even though we’ve been together for the last three years and I caused his accident.”
“So that’s why when we’re together you talk about him all the time? Out of guilt? God, you’re a sucker for punishment.”
“It doesn’t matter now. When Noah pushed me away today, I realized that, this time, I wanted him to let me go. I want him to not need me anymore, and to get his sight fully healed. So I can do what I really want, Reid.”
“Look, you don’t have to - “
“What I really want is to be with you.”
“Until Noah wants you back?”
“He already said that he wants me back, right after he woke up. And I said I my feelings had changed.”
Reid took a deep breath and tried to clear his head. Maybe he had drunk too much. Was Luke saying that he had finally made his choice? And it was…him?
“I know I told you just now that I didn’t know how to get what I want, but…I do know. I’m asking you, Reid, if it will be all or nothing, just like I asked Noah. I can’t go into this with you halfway. I’m falling in love with you and I’m asking Reid…all or nothing?”
Reid stared at Luke for a few seconds, trying to make his brain work and his heart to stop racing.
“Well? You said today that you knew how you feel about me. All or nothing, Reid?”
“All, I want fucking all,” Reid exploded, grabbing Luke by the hips and kissing him hard. “I want everything,” he said between kisses and nibbles, finally letting go. “I want to fight and to make up, and for you to criticize my bedside manners, and I want to tell you how infuriatingly happy you are. I want all, Luke.”
“Good, ‘cause that’s what I want too.”
They kissed again, this time slowly but not less intense. Their bodies locked together, Luke noticed when Reid shivered again.
“You’re still shivering,” he said.
“I forgot the damn jacketin the car. But I’m not shivering from cold,” Reid answered in a husky voice. “Now it’s something entirely different.”
Luke gave Reid his ten thousand mega-watt smile. “I have something in mind too. What are we going to do about it?”
“Go to my place and sort this out?”
“I love how romantic you are, Reid.”
“I told you, I have no experience with relationships. I don’t know how to be with someone. Maybe I’ll blow this, you know.”
“No, you won’t; I won’t let you. I already know your flaws and I still want you. And you know what? I have no experience with relationships either, not the happy and without drama ones.
Maybe this is something we can learn together.”
“You know, Mr. Snyder, once in a while, you have some really good ideas.”
Luke grabbed Reid’s hand and pulled him out of the roof, out of the hospital, and into the rest of their lives together.
A/N: Thanks to all those who took their time to send a comment: reilaroo , sripley , freakandwack , sixtieshairdo , meooowww , glancast , odisowner , untiltimeends , suzvoy , lillianone , ladynomad915 , yay_for_gays ,ycorgigirl , casaluna85 , chasing_nothing , moonlessky , lov3anonymous , csifan3 , frodine , martial_11 .
You made me very happy. <3 <3 <3