me, myself, and i? oh, and you too, i guess.
i've become really selfish. it's slowly been less about being there for others in the way Christ wants and more about wondering when they're going to start being there for me.
(it SHOULD be more about praying for patience, praying for growth, praying more in general. it should be about serving. it should be about God's glory. anything else but me.)
the selfish part of me is wondering when i stopped being the main character of my own life. sometimes it feels so surreal, like i'm in some parallel "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" dimension. where am i supposed to go when i'm not being someone else's supporting character? and why does it feel like there isn't any support for me?
(that's not true. there's support if i want it.) but i guess that selfish part of me is hurt when i constantly offer support to certain people, am complimented by them for "being AMAZING" all the time, and then never even once offered support when i'm hurting.
(but let's be fair; they probably just haven't noticed.)
i am too much of a typical INFP: too much inner turmoil.
(i want to be friends with you. but how do i do it when you can't hear me screaming to get your attention, trying to get to know you, trying to open up to you, trying trying trying to do something that will make this disappearing feeling stop whenever you look right through me??) i'm selfish because i have been taking from those whom i know will give to me in place of what you are not giving, in place of what i am not taking from you.
there are some things you can change from sheer force of will. there are also some things you can't change no matter how much you want. (but which is which? can i change my selfishness eventually? will i be able to become friends with you some day? are either possible, or neither?)
how much of my life can i take back for myself before i can be considered selfish? how much should i let go?
(it SHOULD be more about praying for patience, praying for growth, praying more in general. it should be about serving. it should be about God's glory. anything else but me.)
the selfish part of me is wondering when i stopped being the main character of my own life. sometimes it feels so surreal, like i'm in some parallel "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead" dimension. where am i supposed to go when i'm not being someone else's supporting character? and why does it feel like there isn't any support for me?
(that's not true. there's support if i want it.) but i guess that selfish part of me is hurt when i constantly offer support to certain people, am complimented by them for "being AMAZING" all the time, and then never even once offered support when i'm hurting.
(but let's be fair; they probably just haven't noticed.)
i am too much of a typical INFP: too much inner turmoil.
(i want to be friends with you. but how do i do it when you can't hear me screaming to get your attention, trying to get to know you, trying to open up to you, trying trying trying to do something that will make this disappearing feeling stop whenever you look right through me??) i'm selfish because i have been taking from those whom i know will give to me in place of what you are not giving, in place of what i am not taking from you.
there are some things you can change from sheer force of will. there are also some things you can't change no matter how much you want. (but which is which? can i change my selfishness eventually? will i be able to become friends with you some day? are either possible, or neither?)
how much of my life can i take back for myself before i can be considered selfish? how much should i let go?