Comments | luninosity: ...part six of the continuation, as promised

luninosity

...part six of the continuation, as promised

May 01, 2012 18:21

April's Erik/Charles holiday fic FINALLY went up yesterday, so I could get back to this...two, perhaps three, more to go?

Title: Fire (Change What I Can, And Pray The Hope Will Not Disappear)
Rating: NC-17 for thematic elements; see warnings
Warnings: aftermath & healing after non-con (the actual event happened several stories ago); very brief self- ( Read more... )

kisses at sunset, sharp objects and epiphanies, the continuation continues again, hope, fic: james/michael, pain

Comments 62

nianeyna May 2 2012, 02:20:23 UTC

OH GOD WHY CAN'T I HOLD ALL THESE FEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS. ;alsdkgndkmnand vkljmd vkaerhjflkjfadslk;jdfs;lk

no, what, I can't. I literally CANNOT EVEN. You broke me. Congratulations.

also: possibly not very good at communicating. OH. REALLY. You don't say. XD

luninosity May 2 2012, 02:29:58 UTC

Aww, I'm...sorry? Or not sorry, if it was effective? *fits your pieces back together; hugs*

I did TELL you it'd get worse and then better, right? And only better from here on. :-)

(ha, yeah, it was about time one of them recognized that fact. Oh BOYS.)

shayzgirl May 2 2012, 02:35:45 UTC

I don't even know where to begin. I had to take a couple of breaks while reading this because a couple of times I might have been holding my breath afraid of what might happen. And sometime the emotion was too much. Though I have to completely agree with James that it hurts and when you realize it hurts, you realize you're an idiot and start to try to fix what you've just broken or attempted to break. But even hurting things can help heal, as weird as it is.
Communication does seem to be harder when one is scared. The words aren't there or they're wrong or not good enough and sometimes it's easier not to say them because the fear of making it worse with the wrong words overpowers the other fear.
It's good to see the healing, them both healing and together, working on the communication and the realization that they're both scared but they want the same things, they want each other and to be able to heal. It's beautiful and perfect and lovely. So lovely and warm. A small beacon in the dark.

luninosity May 2 2012, 03:34:53 UTC

I had to take a couple of breaks while reading this because a couple of times I might have been holding my breath afraid of what might happen... Aww, sorry! *hugs* I did try to warn people! But this was the worst one (well, other than the first ones), I think. Only going to get better from here. With more cuddling. :-)

even hurting things can help heal, as weird as it is. Oh, not weird at all. I think sometimes it's the shock of the hurt that wakes us up to the need for change. Certainly very literally it is here, for James.

sometimes it's easier not to say them because the fear of making it worse with the wrong words overpowers the other fear Exactly! They've both been trying so hard to be strong and NOT admit to fear, that they haven't been realizing that the admission is necessary to move forward. But now, well, the almost-worst HAS happened, and has been averted, and there's nothing left except honesty.

they want each other and to be able to heal... And they will. They still want each other, in every way; they might even get to ( ... )

shayzgirl May 2 2012, 03:44:22 UTC

It's fine. I knew and I'd rather have to take the breaks than not be able to face it. Especially when it's worth it to face it, because there's healing and I understand it and love it.

Honesty is good, but it can be hard especially in the face of fear. But worth it in the end. Especially for them.

I hope so. Though cuddles and kisses is a very good start.

You're welcome. Always.

luninosity May 2 2012, 04:26:39 UTC

There IS healing. There always should be. We need to believe that, I suspect. (And so do the boys!)

The honesty is definitely worth it! That's necessary, I think, for real healing. It's just that that's sometimes so very hard to put into practice, even when you know it, logically.

They've started reassuring each other emotionally; they'll start doing so physically (well, they HAVE, already, I suppose) as well. And that will help: the knowledge that they can still have that, too.

*smiles at laptop* Thank you, my friend. :-)

Thread 25

avictoriangirl May 2 2012, 04:14:11 UTC

OMG MY HEART. *clutches wad of tissues* I can't tell you how many times I had to pause while reading this and blink back tears. This was by far the most heart-wrenching part of all. You managed to break me into tiny little pieces and then glued me all back together again. *wibbles*

luninosity May 2 2012, 04:30:55 UTC

*offers ALL THE HUGS* *and maybe extra tissues*

Sorry! Or...not entirely sorry, since it seems to have been effective, but...um, I've got some Godiva chocolate...?

This one really was the worst of it, though. (Well, the worst since the first ones.) They'll heal--really heal--now. They've finally talked, and admitted all the things, and they're still there for each other, and they ARE going to be okay. :-)

...and also they're going to try to have sex soon. Just in case that helps. :-)

jem80 May 2 2012, 09:23:49 UTC

I just found this series and started reading and COULD NOT STOP. You are a GODDESS among authors and I now adore you! And this installment...WOW! I needed tissues to get through it and it hurt my hearty in all the best ways. Thank you for this gorgeous fic and the whole fabulous series.

luninosity May 2 2012, 20:16:45 UTC

Oh, gosh, thank you! *blushes* Er, sorry about the tissue-requirement. This installment really is the hardest one, I promise. Things only get better from here.

Thank YOU for reading! And for lovely comments! :D :D

(also, I really need to update the masterlist, don't I...*runs off to do that*)

garrideb May 2 2012, 12:48:11 UTC

Wow. I'm not entirely sure what I was expecting, but this surprised me in the best possible way. You so beautifully illustrated the meandering nature of healing in the way that James realizes how much he wants to live only by taking an action (no matter how accidental) to end it. Those moments before where he'd slip away were beyond his control, but when given the tools to slip away by choice, he's on steadier ground, able to find a direction to move in. Everything after the attempt felt so much brighter; I felt like I was feeling James's relief.

I loved Michael's POV too, and the moment of clarity where Michael compares the idea of James as a victim to the idea of James as a survivor - well, that was maybe my favorite part in this series so far. Although the part where James mocks Michael's use of the word 'literally' made me laugh out loud - which was nice through all the tears - so that's in the running too.

luninosity May 2 2012, 23:41:39 UTC

the meandering nature of healing ...oh, I love that phrase! At some future point I will steal it. But also yes; it's the moment when he realizes that he actually does still have choices, that he has control over what happens next in his life--and that what he really wants isn't to go away. And it's not an easy choice, but it's suddenly very clear, and worth every painful step.

the moment of clarity where Michael compares the idea of James as a victim to the idea of James as a survivor - well, that was maybe my favorite part in this series so far. First, yay! :D :D Second, that kind of needed to happen--they've both fallen into that mentality of thinking of James as a victim, hurt, wounded, etc, and that's all true, or it was true; but they need to move past that perception in order to get back any semblance of a more healthy life together. James had that realization when figuring out that he still had some agency and choice; Michael needed that clarity, too ( ... )