new fic: the only road

[luninosity]

So I had put up the mostly-done version of this a few days ago, but I've added and revised a bit, so...this is part two of that James point-of-view thing. Part three will be coming soon, it's nearly done, so there will be a happy ending, I promise! But for now, here, have some angst and pining!James.

Title: The Only Road
Rating: PG for content, or R

Comments

[glisterwolf]

I... oh wow. I'm honestly trying not to cry. The emotions in this...

He’s already resigned himself to being hurt, one way or another, anyway. He can walk around bleeding internally if he has to. He’s a damn good actor. No one ever has to know.

and

The world isn’t exciting. Kind of colorless. Flat. Except for the bright little starbursts of pain when he sees Michael’s name, or face, in a magazine, on a billboard, on a television screen, of course.

James's resignation, the way it seems as if he feels that he'll never be happy, your descriptions of the world as a grey, emotionally muted place except for brief moments of pain when James sees Michael... *sniffle*

I almost always avoid this type of story for personal reasons, but this fic is amazing and it has completely broken my heart. Please let there be a happy ending.

[luninosity]

*all the hugs* *also tissues*

He almost doesn't mind the little moments of pain. Because they come along with glimpses of Michael, and mentions of Michael being successful and happy, and Michael being happy is everything James wants to see, even while it kills him.

I almost always avoid this type of story for personal reasons *extra hugs* *also offers of tea/raspberry Hershey's Kisses because we are out of cookies* There IS a happy ending, I promise. Very soon. Am working on it now.

I'd say it's a hard one to write, and in fact it IS, but the emotions are actually coming pretty easily. And I love the idea that there IS still a happy ending, the Tolkienian "eucatastrophe": unlooked-for, never-expected, joy.

[glisterwolf]

Oh good -- they deserve all the happy endings always, every time, even if they have to hurt a lot to get there.

Michael being happy is everything James wants to see, even while it kills him

Yeah. Poor James. It sounds like a damn cliche, but it's so true that when you really love someone you want them to be happy, even if that happiness doesn't include yourself.

Thanks for the tea and tissues! :)

[luninosity]

:-)

Things become cliches because they possess some elements that speak to people's experience, something along the lines of truth, of course. And sometimes you know that the best thing for another person is not to speak up or say anything, so you don't, because you do want the best for that person, always. (In some ways, that's the most selfless love--but you have to honestly mean it.) (Like Sam at the end of the Lord of the Rings, when he's so obviously desperately unhappy, but he goes back to the Shire to try to have a life anyway, because, and only because, Frodo asked him to.)

[emmademarais]

/wibble/

Please to be hurrying with the happy ending kthxbai.

[luninosity]

Soon! Very soon, I promise. It's nearly done. (Am actually working on it in another tab.) They should have happy endings always. *nodnod*

[avictoriangirl]

*sobs* *waits for happy ending*

[luninosity]

*offers tissues* But you KNOW there is! I've been putting up bits of it in replies elsewhere! I shall fix them! *hugs*

[avictoriangirl]

I know, but it's still so SAD. *sniffs into tissues*

[luninosity]

Things I've just now written, literally

[penguingal]

Meep!

I am resisting the urge to point petulantly at you and demand that you fix them right now. Because I know you will. I do. But...

*wibbles*

Please fix them now? Pretty please?

[luninosity]

Yeah, I just re-read this one and was a bit surprised--I mean, wow, all the sadness! :-/

They will get to be happy, though! Very very soon! (There've been some excerpts of that next part floating around, I think in some replies to the Top Gear post?) Michael will come and find him and give him ALL THE HUGS. Because they, and we, could very much use that! :-)

[shayzgirl]

Ugh. James... /tries to crawl into fic to hold him. I just... /gross sobbing.

[luninosity]

Aww. *offers cuddles and also tissue* Sorry about that! They are going to be happy, I promise! Very soon! I already have that one mostly written!

Also James appreciates your hugs. :D

[luninosity]

And also, you did say you liked angst, right? *grin*

[shayzgirl]

Yes, yes I do. But my god, the detail was so fucking perfect, because how James felt, and the losing weight and trying to convince everyone he was fine so maybe he'd actually believe it himself was so me after my break up, before I found Doctor Who and became a person again instead of an empty shell. And it just hurt in so many ways and to think of poor James feeling that way, I just wanted to hold him in an octopus like hug and protect him from it.