Endless Skies, Chapter 06
Sequel to "Unequivocal." Yamato thought the hardest part of raising his son as a single teen dad was the first year. But he's quickly finding out how wrong he was as he juggles his first year of college, the band, dating, and the terrible twos. Taito. AU for Tri.
[Digimon] M+, family/drama, 9418 (48019) words, published 12-30-16
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Endless Skies
butterflie Chapter Six
Taste of Love
The second term of the year does not get off to a good start. Yamato's thankfully not late to his first class this time, but the whole first week he's got fans harassing him for autographs, female and male alike, and he can tell it's annoying his professors some, even though most people confine their asking to before and after classes. When their new album is released Friday, it only gets worse, until he's tempted to just tape a sign to his shirt-front and back-that says "no autographs."
Then to top it off, Taichi seems to get jealous-of what, Yamato's not entirely sure, because he has nothing to be jealous of. Still, that doesn't stop Taichi from acting like a bit of a jerk about it all, slamming things around and pouting and talking to Yamato with a sullen look on his face. Yamato wishes they were younger so he could still slap some sense into his boyfriend, but they've long since moved on from physically fighting out their differences. So instead he just does his best to hide his hurt at Taichi's behaviour and hopes he cools off over the weekend.
On Saturday he finds himself wishing he could just sleep, but unfortunately he's got plans, so he drags himself out of bed to get himself and Naoki ready. He takes longer than usual, still moving a bit slowly, and winds up being late. However, when he gets to the park, he's surprised to see only a handful of the Chosen-just Sora, Koushiro, Takeru, Hikari, and Daisuke. He hadn't expected Taichi, for obvious reasons, but he wonders at the absence of the others.
"Where's everybody at?" he asks when he approaches them.
Daisuke shrugs. "Couldn't make it, I guess."
"Taichi refused to come," Hikari says, giving him an anxious look. She's clearly picked up that something's wrong between them, but likely Taichi hasn't elaborated on what.
Yamato just waves it away, pretending unconcern. "He'll be fine," he says, not really wanting to explain either.
The look she gives him to that suggests she doesn't believe him at all, and Yamato wonders just exactly what Taichi said in his refusal to come.
"The park seems so empty without all of us here," Sora remarks, looking around at the few of them there, and Yamato has to agree with her.
"Hey, you guys wanna go to Leisureland?" he asks suddenly. "There's just enough of us for it to be fun, and not so many that we'd be crowded. And I know Naoki would enjoy it more than just running around the park for the hundredth time."
Daisuke grins, pumping an excited fist in the air. "I'm game!" he crows. "Let's go!"
Koushiro shrugs. "I wouldn't be opposed to it."
Sora gives everyone a wicked smile, and raises her right hand, miming batting at a ball with an imaginary racket. "As long as we get to play table tennis."
Takeru groans. "What's the point when you'll kick all our butts?"
"I guess it's settled then," Hikari says, smiling. "Come on, it's not too far from here. Let's go."
They set off at a steady pace, Yamato carrying Naoki so they aren't slowed down by his short little legs. It doesn't take them long at all to reach it, but Yamato still sets his son down with relief. "You're going to have to start using a stroller soon, baby," he says. "Daddy can't keep carrying you everywhere, you're getting too big."
"He still won't do one?" Takeru asks.
"I'm afraid to try," Yamato admits. "He has so many tantrums already and I just don't have the energy to deal with them all."
Takeru just nods, not saying anything to that, and Yamato sighs inwardly, knowing his brother's still worried about him and the way he behaved at their lunch a couple of weeks ago. But as long as Takeru isn't going to say anything about it, neither will he.
They all meander casually around the building after that, stopping at whatever games catch their fancy. Not everyone plays every game, and those who choose to sit out take fun in choosing sides and making it a friendly competition, cheering their side on. They make sure to include some kid's games that are easy for Naoki to participate in, so that he doesn't get bored and start fussing. Sora also does indeed soundly trounce them at table tennis a few times, although it turns out to be a surprisingly close match with Takeru.
"You've secretly been practising, haven't you," she accuses him, and Takeru merely smirks, not denying it. She tosses her head back, flipping her hair around smartly. "Practice some more and I'll give you a rematch next weekend," she offers, and he grins.
"You're on," he says.
They spend a couple of hours there, just playing games and having fun. Yamato starts off by missing Taichi and wishing he were there, acutely aware of his absence at first; however, as time goes on he notices it less, until he realises he hasn't thought about Taichi at all in the last half hour or so, and he's surprised to also realise he's actually having a lot of fun. He'd expected to wind up moping and dragging everybody down until someone called him out on it, like it usually goes when he's upset.
"I'm starving!" Daisuke finally declares at one point. "Are we going to eat or what?"
"You're always starving," Takeru points out, teasing him. "I'm pretty sure your stomach is bottomless."
"Like you're one to talk," Yamato tells his brother, poking him in the side.
Takeru squirms away from him, batting at his brother's hands. "Daisuke's like two of me, though," he says.
"We could go somewhere," Koushiro says, ignoring the banter as he points out the obvious.
"Yes!" Daisuke exclaims. "Please! As long as it's food!"
The others laugh, and after some friendly squabbling they finally settle on a place. Yamato follows along behind the others, keeping a tight hold on Naoki. He's glad to be having fun, but he does still miss Taichi some, and really hopes that by Monday Taichi will have cooled off, and will maybe apologise.
* * *
Taichi's already gone by the time Yamato gets to the Yagami apartment on Monday to drop Naoki off with Yuuko. At first he worries he's running late, but when he checks he sees he's at his usual time, meaning Taichi's gone on ahead deliberately, likely wanting to avoid him. It upsets him, but he doesn't want Naoki seeing him unhappy before he leaves, because then he'll get upset and start crying, so he keeps a smile on his face as he hugs his son and tells Yuuko he'll be back this afternoon as usual.
He's grumpy in his fundamentals of music class, enough so that Ratsuii remarks on it, but he brushes it aside with a terse "relationship troubles," and Ratz knows to leave it alone for now. He knows that if Yamato wants to talk, he will.
He's hoping that maybe Taichi will have cooled off by the time they have their literature class together, but unfortunately he'll never get to find out, for just outside the classroom he gets accosted-by a girl who can't seem to take no for an answer.
"Hey," she says, stepping in front of him so he can't enter the classroom.
"Hello," he returns politely, already having an idea what she wants. He really should just put out a press release saying he's taken and be done with it.
"Yamato, right?" she says, giving him an easy smile. "I'm Kiyoko. You were in my literature class last term too, with Dr. Kanada."
"Oh," he says stupidly, distractedly, as he notices Taichi coming up the hallway and halting upon spotting him. He frowns-even if Taichi's being a jerk, he could at least come over and rescue him. He's happy enough to sign autographs for fans, but anything else just makes him uncomfortable, and Taichi knows that.
"I thought the way Dr. Kanada treated you last term was horrible," she says, putting extra emphasis on the last word, her voice just oozing false sympathy, and he tries not to squirm. "He was really unfair," she continues, throwing a pout on her face that any other guy would probably find cute. "But I think he was wrong about you, you seem like a really great guy," she finishes up, smiling at him and batting her eyelashes coyly. Why does he always attract the bold, flirty girls?
"Um, thanks," he says, feeling awkward. Taichi's still standing there-and he's frowning now, arms crossed over his chest unhappily-and surely Taichi doesn't think he's enjoying this, does he? He doesn't understand where all this sudden jealousy is coming from-plenty of girls have shown interest in him, and yet he chose Taichi. Shouldn't that be enough? What does he have to be jealous of?
"So, I was thinking, would you maybe like to get a coffee some time?"
"Uh, no, I don't think so," he says. He hates it, hates every time having to turn down girls, but he's learned over the past year or two that it's better to just be blunt than to dance around it and confuse them, or make them think they might actually have a chance, or that he's being coy.
This girl, though-Koko, or whatever her name was-doesn't seem to get it. "Don't like coffee?" she says playfully, swatting a hand at his arm. "That's okay. What would you like?"
"Nothing," he tells her, hoping she gets it this time.
"Well, that won't work, silly!" Either she's really that dense, or she's being deliberately obtuse. He's honestly not sure which. And he loathes being called 'silly.' "Well, if you don't want to pick, how about lunch? Maybe after class?"
"I have another class," he says automatically, and then wants to kick himself, for that makes it sound like he is interested in her, which he's not. He's glad Taichi's not close enough to hear that gaffe, at least he really hopes not. "And besides, I'm not interested," he adds.
"In lunch?" she asks, and surely she can't really be that dumb, she has to be just playing at it-
"In you," he clarifies, and knows the moment she finally gets it, watching blankly as her face screws up in disappointment. Yamato really hopes she doesn't make a scene. "Sorry," he says, though he's really not very sorry at all.
She doesn't respond, just runs off, and he takes the opportunity to finally duck inside the classroom, glad most of the other students had already arrived and weren't stuck waiting on them, listening to that humiliatingly awkward conversation. Taichi comes in a few moments later, reluctantly sliding into the seat next to him, though his body language makes it clear he'd rather be anywhere else. More than feeling hurt, it's starting to piss Yamato off. He's been dealing with enough stress already, he doesn't need this from his boyfriend on top of everything else. Not from the one person who's supposed to support him and help reduce his stress.
Taichi ignores him all through class, and it's so uncomfortable that Yamato's actually glad to get away from him when the class ends. But it still hurts when he walks out of his last class of the day-one that they don't share-and doesn't see Taichi waiting for him, leaning against the wall with a smile like usual.
He purposely waits around for a bit and takes a later subway, so that when he gets to the Yagami apartment, Taichi's already home-he spots Taichi's shoes by the front door. He tells Yuuko to wait a moment with Naoki, and asks if he can go speak to Taichi.
"Of course," she tells him, smiling warmly at him, though he can sense the hint of uncertainty in her eyes. She knows something's off between them then, even if she's not sure what.
He thanks her and heads down the hall to Taichi's room, not knocking on the closed door-he doesn't want to be told to leave. Instead, he just opens it and steps in, causing Taichi to sit up fast and bang his head on the too-small bunk bed he still uses, despite the fact that he and Hikari haven't shared a room in years. Why he doesn't get at least a single bed has always been a mystery to Yamato.
"What do you want?" Taichi says sullenly, rubbing at his head and turning away.
Yamato sighs. He hasn't even started and already he's dreading this conversation. The thought of confronting Taichi over his behaviour is putting knots in his stomach. "Can we talk?"
"About what?" Taichi asks nastily. "About your latest girlfriend?"
Yamato just stares at him, uncertain what's gotten Taichi so twisted up. "What's gotten in to you?" he asks. "Why are you so worked up over this?"
"Funny how you're not denying it," Taichi points out, looking back at Yamato to level a dark glare at him.
Yamato stares some more, struck momentarily speechless. "I didn't think I had to," he says, incredulous. Taichi can't seriously think he was interested in that girl, or any girl. He's still not entirely certain he's gay-Megumi aside, there's been a few girls in the past he's had crushes on, though nothing ever came of it-but he's only had eyes for Taichi since he was fifteen.
"Well maybe you do!" Taichi yells, and the venom in his voice catches Yamato off-guard.
"Of course she's not my girlfriend! What is wrong with you, Taichi?"
"Are you sure?" Taichi shoots back, anger lacing through the venom in his tone. "Or maybe it's one of the other hundreds of girls that keep approaching you? It seems like every time I see you lately there's always some girl hanging off of you!"
"You just said it yourself, they approach me! Most of them just want autographs! That's part of what being in a band entails!" He can't believe he's having to explain this to Taichi.
Taichi scoffs, and that does it. He doesn't stick around to argue the point with his boyfriend any longer-he hasn't done anything wrong, and he doesn't deserve Taichi's jealously and anger. "Call me when you've grown up some," he hisses before whirling around and storming out of the room. Yuuko looks startled when he stomps back in the living room, and he does his best to take a few deep breaths and calm down, knowing he needs to keep it together for Naoki.
"Thank you for watching him," he tells her at the door, sliding his shoes back on and slinging the diaper bag over his shoulder.
"Of course," she says, but her eyes are troubled. He wonders if she heard them yelling. "Same time tomorrow?" she asks him, and he nods.
Somehow, he manages to keep it all in until he's put Naoki to bed for the night. It's only once he's in the kitchen, washing the few dishes from supper, that he finally falls apart. At first it's just a few tears sliding down his face, and then he's sobbing, abandoning the half-washed wok to sink to the floor, huddled up in a miserable ball. He doesn't understand why Taichi's doing this, why he's acting this way. He wonders briefly if it's just some weird delayed jealously over Yamato's one-night stand with Megumi, but Taichi's never once before expressed any negative thoughts about that.
He buries his face in his knees, doing his best to muffle his sobs so he doesn't wake his son. He doesn't know if what he'd said earlier could be considered as breaking up with Taichi. Fear grips his heart, panic thrumming through him at the thought. He doesn't want to break up with Taichi-but he also doesn't want a boyfriend who's constantly going to be jealous and question every interaction he has with a girl-and why is it only the girls that make Taichi jealous?
He suddenly misses Gabumon, and finds himself yearning fiercely for his partner's presence. Gabumon always seemed to know the right thing to say when he and Taichi fought in the Digital World. And even if he didn't, even if Yamato was in the wrong, his willingness to just stay by Yamato's side was always a great comfort. He desperately wants that now, wants to throw his arms around Gabumon and bury his face into the digimon's fur and just cling on until he gains some equilibrium again. Fumbling in his pocket, he pulls out his Digivice-he always keeps it on him still, never knowing when something new might arise. Lifting his face, he stares at it, wishing desperately that he could just go to the Digital World. For a moment, he even starts to reach for his cell, thinking to call Koushiro and arrange it.
He's knows it not that simple anymore though. He has Naoki now-he can't just get up and go whenever he wants. And he doesn't regret Naoki, not in the least-but sometimes he misses that loss of freedom.
Eventually, his sobs lessen as he gradually calms down. He doesn't feel any better about the situation, but he's too drained to keep crying. After a bit he wipes at his face and drags himself back up to the sink, plunging his hands into the now-cold soapy water to finish cleaning the wok. Once the kitchen's clean he goes to his room, where he sits at his desk and does his homework automatically, not putting much thought or effort into it.
It takes him a long time to fall asleep that night.
* * *
The rest of the week is hell. The requests for autographs start dying down, thankfully, but he's aware of Taichi glaring darkly at every one he does still get. His heart aches, but he does his best not to show it, smiling and laughing with Sora and Ratsuii in his other classes, and always keeping a cheerful smile on his face for Yuuko when he goes to pick up Naoki, and never once letting on to his son that anything's wrong.
Inside, though, he's stressed to the max. He's barely sleeping, taking forever to fall asleep and then tossing and turning fitfully once he does, waking every morning to gritty eyes and a lump in his throat. He has no appetite, and often forgets to or just chooses not to eat, though he always make sure Naoki still gets breakfast and dinner. He has a hard time focusing in class, always aware of Taichi's every movement next to him, and the homework he turns in for some of his classes is awful, because he so often zones out during it.
Sora frets over both him and Taichi. He wishes she didn't know, but there's no way to hide it-she's once again taking history with them this term, and they all sit together. Initially, Yamato had been in the middle, with Sora to his right, but she'd thankfully changed seats with him with little fuss, acting as a buffer for them, not that Taichi's deigned to say anything to him still. She's asked him a few times what's going on, knowing it's more than just a usual fight, that it's something serious, but he can't bring himself to explain. He's still not entirely sure, anyway. He doesn't know what's fuelling Taichi's jealousy and he has no idea what their relationship status is. Trying to imagine explaining it to Sora just leaves him choked up. After a few failed attempts to get anything out of him-and likely Taichi, too-she leaves it alone, though her worry with every class they have is nearly palpable.
Saturday should be a relief, not having to take Naoki to Yuuko's and see the worry in her eyes when she tells him Taichi's gone ahead, or sit silently next to Taichi while he's ignored, but somehow it's not. He's slept poorly again, bad dreams he can't quite remember disrupting his sleep, leaving him with nothing but a unsettling sense of disquiet when he finally wakes. He goes to get Naoki out of his crib and goes through the motions of their usual routine, dressing him and making breakfast for him, and then settles him in front of the television to watch his favourite weekend cartoon.
An hour later, he realises he can't stand being in the apartment a second longer. Even though Naoki's bouncing around, singing the theme song to his now ended show in partial gibberish, the apartment feels too quiet and empty.
"Naoki, wanna go visit grandpa together?" he calls out, making a sudden decision.
"Yeah!" Naoki cries excitedly, jumping up and down in glee. Despite his mood, it makes Yamato smile, and when Naoki runs up to him, throwing his arms around him in a hug, he reaches out to tousle his son's hair affectionately, privately glad Naoki inherited his blond locks instead of Megumi's black ones. He doesn't want any reminders of her in Naoki.
He gets them ready then, moving quickly, just wanting out of there for the day. He does fine until he's in Odaiba, walking past Taichi's building to get to his dad's next door, and then he actually has to stop a moment and take a deep breath, lest he bursts into tears. He wants so badly to just go up there and have Taichi apologise and everything be okay again, to kiss him deeply and then demand another date with a grin.
"Why 'top?" Naoki asks, looking up at him, and Yamato takes another breath before shaking his head and smiling down at his son.
"Sorry, baby," he says. "Let's go."
His dad's surprised but pleased to see them when he opens the door to Yamato's knock.
"Hey Dad," Yamato says, flashing him a somewhat trembling smile. "Sorry to not call in advance. Mind if we visit for awhile?"
"Of course," his dad says, blinking and holding the door open wider for them to come in. "You're always welcome, you know that."
He steps in, slipping off his shoes and helping Naoki remove his, and then grabs the spare playpen his dad keeps in his old room and sets it up in the living room, though he doesn't put Naoki in it just yet.
"Would either of you like something to eat or drink?" his dad offers.
Yamato shakes his head. "I'm fine, and I'm sure Naoki is too, he just had breakfast a couple of hours ago."
He takes a seat on the sofa, and watches curiously as his dad goes over to a plastic storage bin and pulls out several colourful sheets of square paper before he settles into his beloved recliner, Naoki climbing up happily into his lap for a hug.
"What's that for?" he asks, curling up into the cushions, putting his legs up and tucking his feet underneath him. It's comforting, somehow, to keep his body in such positions.
His dad simply smiles. "Watch," he says, and then begins folding. Yamato gets it nearly immediately, but he watches with fascination anyway as his dad folds one of the red squares into a crane and then hands it to Naoki, who'd also been watching, enraptured. He takes the little crane with awe, studying it closely, trying to figure out just how his grandpa could do such an amazing thing.
"Origami?" Yamato asks him in amusement, though he's glad to see Naoki so happy with something so simple.
His dad just shrugs at him. "You used to love watching me fold it," he says. "I thought Naoki might too."
He watches as his dad folds some more shapes for Naoki, making the toddler laugh in delight as he's presented with them. Then he shows Naoki how to fold the crane, his movements slow and deliberate, even letting him help a little bit. It soothes Yamato's hurt a bit to watch them, glad that Naoki can have grandparents in his life that love and care for him.
Eventually Naoki tires of the origami, and decides he wants to colour, going over to the plastic bin and pulling some crayons out. Yamato's dad sets him up in the playpen, and then settles in his recliner again, glancing over to his forlorn-looking son. He knows there's something bothering Yamato, for Yamato would normally never just show up unannounced. "Wanna talk about it?" he asks mildly, but they both know he's worried.
Yamato sighs, and suddenly feels close to tears again. He turns his head away, swallowing and shutting his eyes hard, not wanting to cry in front of his dad. He's also not sure he wants to tell his dad, he's still not sure of what's happening, but if it hadn't been for his dad's encouragement, he and Taichi might have never wound up together, so he feels like if anyone deserves to know what's going on, it's his dad.
He faces his dad again, and takes a shaky breath. "Taichi and I might have broken up," he says, and is proud of the fact that his voice remains mostly steady.
His dad frowns. "Might have?"
"Well, I'm not really sure..." He sighs out another shaky breath. "He won't talk to me, and I said some things, but I don't deserve this!"
"Maybe start from the beginning?" his dad suggests gently.
He nods, scrubbing a hand over his face. "He's... jealous, I guess. When girls ask me for autographs, or dates. I think there's been small incidents over the past few months, but I didn't realise at the time. He got mad at me last Friday. I thought he'd get over it during the weekend, but..." he trails off, still feeling bewildered at how fast and how much this whole thing has blown up. He's thought about it the past few days, and there really have been little incidences of Taichi's jealously over the past few months, generally over the girls wanting autographs, but he'd completely missed them. The first time he'd even noticed was that time on the phone, and he hadn't actually understood what was going on.
"But?" his dad prompts when he doesn't continue. His tone is still gentle, seeming to sense just how not stable Yamato is right now.
"He saw some girl persist in asking me out before class on Monday, I had to turn her down three times before she actually got it, and when I went to his apartment to pick up Naoki we argued. He said-" he stops, still feeling pained when he thinks about how cruel Taichi had been to him. Even if they don't break up, they'll have some serious talking to do. "Well, he said some pretty mean things," he finally says. "And I told him that he should call me when he grows up some, and then I took Naoki and left."
"And he hasn't spoken to you since?" his dad asks, frowning.
Yamato shakes his head, but before he can speak Naoki's standing, calling "Daddy!" in a happy voice. Yamato looks over at him, and sees he's holding up his colouring book, showing off one of the pages he's scribbled all over. He tries for a smile. "That's very nice, Naoki," he says, attempting to put some warmth into his tone. "Good job, I'm proud of you."
Naoki grins and sits down again, flipping to a new page. Yamato looks back to his dad. "He's been ignoring me. I don't know what to think of the situation."
His dad sighs, looking pained for him. "It may just be something he needs to work out on his own. There's not much you can do right now if he's not willing to talk to you, unless you want to break up, and then you can let him know in no uncertain terms."
"I don't though," Yamato says, once more on the verge of crying, panic once again threading through his body as he tries to imagine being broken up with Taichi. "I don't know why he's acting this way, I don't want anyone else, haven't since I was fifteen... He knows I don't like all that attention from girls... I just want him to be Taichi again." He halts again, a little embarrassed at admitting it all to his dad, even if he hasn't said that much.
"I'm sorry, Yamato," his dad says. "I know it hurts. I wish there was some advice I could give you to fix it."
He just shrugs, closing his eyes again, struggling to regain control, not wanting to lose it, not now, not here.
"Daddy!" Naoki calls again then, and hearing his son's voice reminds him it's not only his dad he has to worry about, that he needs to be strong for Naoki as well-it's enough for him to keep it together, and after a moment he opens his eyes again, puts a smile on his face, and goes to deal with his son.
* * *
Monday's a holiday, and there's no classes. He spends the day with Naoki at home, trying to keep his mind off of Taichi by staying busy. It mostly works, especially when he finally manages to get Naoki to use the toilet all by himself for the first time. He'll be glad when he can finally do away with all the diapers and training pants.
Tuesday's a different story altogether. He only manages maybe an hour of sleep, which means he's probably gotten eight hours combined for the whole weekend. He doesn't bother with breakfast, because he feels too sick to eat. He's decided he can't take this anymore, so even though it terrifies him, he's going to confront Taichi after classes today, no matter what, and they're either going to talk it out or break up. The thought kills him-he absolutely doesn't want to break up with Taichi, but he doesn't know what Taichi's problem is, and he can't take all this stress anymore.
Yuuko greets him with a strained smile when he gets to the Yagami apartment that morning.
"Taichi's already gone?" he asks, even though he knows the answer.
"Yes, he left a little while ago," she says with a sigh.
"We'll work it out," he reassures her, even though he's not sure at all. Still, it only hardens his resolve to end this once and for all this afternoon.
Unfortunately, on Tuesdays he has both of his classes with Taichi, so he has to put up with being ignored as usual, but thankfully Sora's there to talk to him in history. It helps, a little, though her concern wears at him some, especially when she has to nudge him awake a few times and gives him a worried glance every time she does. He can't help it though-he's gotten so little sleep the past week, stacked on top of all the sleep he missed over the summer, and he's really not feeling well now-he just wants to go home and crawl in bed and not get back up for a month. He's not sure how he's going to make it through the confrontation with Taichi.
When he gets up out of his chair to leave at the end of class, he actually sways a little, stumbling as he tries to take a step. Sora's at his side in an instant, grabbing on to his elbow to steady him, and he's thankful-but all he can think is how it should be Taichi catching him, Taichi worrying about him. Instead Taichi's leaving, not even giving a backwards glance. It hurts so much, and he almost cries then and there.
"Are you okay?" Sora asks him softly, chewing a bit on her lower lip in worry.
He nods, picking up his bag and attempting a smile for her. "Fine," he lies.
She doesn't look happy with the response, but she doesn't press him to talk about it, which is what he wants right now. "See you Thursday?" she asks, and he nods.
He spends his free period between classes sitting in the university center, not eating and thinking about how he and Taichi would normally be spending this time together. He almost doesn't notice the time when it gets close to his next class.
Taichi's already beat him to their biology class, talking to one of their classmates at the table behind theirs. He considers just taking a different seat, but wants Taichi to be just as uncomfortable as he is, so he slides into his usual spot, and lays his head down, wanting nothing more than to collapse. He feels weak, and his body's trembling ever so slightly. The sick feeling in the pit of his stomach has only worsened, and he has a hard time keeping his eyes open. He's not sure how he makes it through class-he can't focus enough to take any notes, and he's pretty sure he falls asleep a couple of times, though he always snaps awake a few minutes later, even without Sora to nudge him.
It's the professor saying, "Be sure to read the next chapter of your textbook for Thursday!" that makes Yamato realise class is finally over. He stands to leave, not needing to pack his bag as he never remembered to unpack it. He's only taken one step when suddenly his vision goes dark around the edges, black spots dancing in front of his eyes. He blinks, and tries to take another step, but he's swaying again, badly, and the spots get worse, obscuring his sight, and the sounds of the other students in the room suddenly become muted. It takes him a moment to realise that the strange sensation he feels with the next step is him falling, and he has only a second to wonder if that's Taichi's voice he hears calling his name before everything fades away.
* * *
When he wakes, there's an IV in his hand. He stares at it blankly for a moment, wondering why he's in a hospital, and then the memory of passing out at the end of class comes rushing back, and he realises someone must have called an ambulance. He feels tired still, and weak, but his vision's back to normal and he no longer feels sick to his stomach. He can't believe he passed out, and wonders with a bit of a blush how many of his classmates were still around to see, and who called the ambulance for him.
"Yamato?" his dad's voice says, and he looks up to see his parents and brother gathered near the bed he's in, all with deeply worried expressions on their faces. It shocks him even more to see Taichi behind them a little ways, an equally worried look on his face-though in addition, there's guilt and shame, and he's a little surprised his dad didn't throw Taichi out.
"Naoki?" he asks a bit hoarsely, not seeing him in the room anywhere.
"Naoki's fine, honey," his mom reassures him, reaching out to brush a few stray strands of hair out of his eyes. He suspects the action is meant more to calm herself, than to comfort him. "He's still at the Yagamis, Yuuko is more than willing to watch him as long as needed."
He nods, and then closes his eyes again, needing some more rest. His son's fine, that's all he needs to know for now. The rest of his questions can wait.
An hour later, a doctor's waking him, introducing himself as Dr. Kimura before checking him over and asking a few questions, which he does his best to answer honestly, even though it makes his family look even more worried.
"Do you live alone?"
"Uh, no. With my son."
"How old is he?"
"Two," Yamato answers, wondering why it matters. He's equally confused by the next few questions, asking if he has help taking care of his son, or if he does it all alone, does he ever get overwhelmed by it, does he ever get time to himself, what other things does he have going on his life... It's only with that question does Yamato realise the doctor's trying to gauge his stress levels.
"How much sleep did you get last night?" Dr. Kimura eventually asks him. He's short, and a bit overweight, with pale skin and light brown hair, but his blue eyes are warm and his smile friendly, so Yamato doesn't feel like he'll be judged with his answers, even though he can admit to himself he's been a bit of an idiot with taking care of himself to wind up in the hospital.
Yamato sighs, and fiddles with the admittance bracelet around his wrist. "Maybe about an hour."
"Hmm, and the day before that?"
"Three."
Takeru's making little distressed noises every time Yamato answers, but he ignores him, just focusing on the doctor.
"Last time you ate?"
Yamato pauses, trying to remember. He's still exhausted, and it's hard to think. His brain's moving slowly. "Saturday afternoon?" Because he'd eaten some at his dad's for lunch, not wanting to worry him.
The distressed noise comes from his dad this time, and he feels the need to try and offer some sort of explanation. "It wasn't on purpose, I just wasn't very hungry, and I kept forgetting, or just didn't feel well enough to eat..."
Dr. Kimura smiles at him, no judgement in his face. "That's understandable." He asks a few more questions after that, and Yamato's answers are no more encouraging-hearing it all together like this, he's surprised he didn't pass out days ago.
Finally Dr. Kimura steps back and says, "You'll be fine. It was likely just a combination of stress and sleep deprivation, along with a bit of dehydration, that caused you to pass out. Just take it easy for the next few days, and be sure to get plenty of sleep, and remember to eat and drink lots of fluids." He looks briefly to Yamato's family, and then back at Yamato. "Perhaps one of you could stay with him, help him remember to eat, maybe help out around the house, get his stress levels back down some. It's just a suggestion, however."
Hiroaki nods at him. "We'll get something sorted out. Thank you, Dr. Kimura."
"Is he okay to go home?" Natsuko asks.
Dr. Kimura smiles. "Yes, he should be able to go home soon. I'll get a nurse in to remove his IV and start the discharge process."
Some time after the doctor's left, Taichi hesitantly asks if he can speak to Yamato alone. Yamato's been lying back in the bed, drifting in and out, but his eyes snap open upon hearing Taichi speak.
His dad looks to him, the only one who has an idea of what's going on, and silently raises an eyebrow, asking if Yamato's okay with it. Yamato's not sure, but he nods anyway, sick of this whole mess dragging over them. This isn't exactly how he'd intended for it to be when he'd planned to talk to Taichi this afternoon, but he's not going to let being in the hospital put him off.
Once they're alone, he remains silently on the bed, not about to be the one to speak first. He watches as Taichi goes over to the window, looking out and sighing, briefly scrubbing a hand over his face as he turns back to Yamato. He turns back, and grabs a chair, scooting it closer to the bed before sitting in it and facing him. Still Yamato waits, merely looking at him, not saying a word.
Finally Taichi lets out a long, deep sigh. "I know it's probably not enough, but I'm sorry," he says, remorse heavy in his voice. Yamato stays quiet, so after a moment's uncertainty, Taichi continues. "I was really scared when you passed out. Seeing you sway, and then suddenly crumple to the floor..." His voice wavers. "Well, I rode with you in the ambulance. I kind of realised during the ride just how much of a jerk I've been."
"Why?" The question's softly-spoken, and full of pain, and causes Taichi to look even more ashamed.
"I don't know exactly," he admits, looking down at his lap. He scratches at an itch on his arm nervously. "It's just... you've always got all these girls asking you out, and I know our relationship isn't a complete secret, but that you can't just tell people you're taken because of the band... it gets to me!" he says aggressively, punctuating his words with a punch to his leg. "We barely got to see each other all summer, and I can't be mad at you because it's the band, and your future and Naoki's future, but that doesn't mean it's not hard to deal with! And then we get back to school and all these girls and even some guys are just swarming around you, fawning all over you..." He trails off, the anger gone as suddenly as it had come on. He slumps down in his seat, looking back at Yamato again. "I was being an asshole," he says bluntly, "and you didn't deserve any of the way I treated you this past week or so. I'm so sorry."
"When we were fifteen," Yamato starts, and then pauses. He tries again. "There wasn't some magical moment," he says, and Taichi cocks his head a little, confused. "I mean, I didn't have this moment like in the movies. I didn't look at you after you'd said something great or profound and realise that I'd fallen for you."
"Okay..." Taichi says slowly, clearly wondering where he's going with this, and what it has to do with his behaviour of late.
"There was still a sort of realisation, though," Yamato says, and his voice is shaking a little. "I'd had a few crushes before, but then I slowly realised that I was turning down the girls that dared to ask me out, and then I missed you when we weren't spending time together, and that-" he stops again, feeling too embarrassed at what he's admitting to keep going, and embarrassed that his voice is starting to crack. He takes a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is, ever since we were fifteen, it's only been you."
Taichi swallows, hard. "Yamato-"
He shakes his head, not done speaking. "I'm happy when I'm with you," he admits, voice breaking on the last two words. "But this past week-I honestly didn't know if we were breaking up. I had no idea what was going on with you. You have no idea how much it hurt me to hear you accuse me of being with that girl, or any girl." He closes his eyes and takes another deep breath, forcing himself to say the next words. "If we're going to stay together, if we're going to make this work... I need to be able to trust you, and I need you to be able to talk to me-like an adult-when something's bothering you. Not shut me out and ignore me and treat me horribly."
"I'm sorry," Taichi repeats, and it's his turn for his voice to crack. "I don't know why I acted so awful to you, I didn't even feel like myself, when I saw you collapse it was like something sort of woke me up and made me aware of just what I was doing to you. I know how stressed you've been all last term and then over the whole summer, and I should have been supporting you, and instead I've just added to it, so much that I made you pass out... I want to be with you still, I definitely want to make this work."
"Then just trust me," Yamato tells him softly. "Trust that I only want to be with you. Tell me when things are getting to you."
Taichi merely nods to that, not trusting himself to speak anymore. They're both quiet for a bit, and then Yamato sighs. They're not completely okay yet, but they'll get there. He doesn't feel that their relationship is on the verge of destruction now. The panic's ebbing, at last. "Get over here and kiss me, you jerk, and then tell my family to come back in."
To that, Taichi gives a tentative smile, and then does as ordered.
* * *
"Your kid sure has a set of lungs on him," Taichi says as he collapses on the sofa next to Yamato with an exhausted sigh.
Yamato opens his eyes and glances to his boyfriend, smiling wryly. "I did try to warn you. Changed your mind about staying yet?"
Taichi straightens up some and looks at him, a determined glint in his eye. "No. I told you, I owe you at least this much."
Yamato nods, and lets his eyes slip shut again. He's actually glad Taichi's staying here the week with him. He still isn't sure who had been more surprised this afternoon when Taichi had offered, him or his parents.
They'd been arguing about what to do as Yamato had been signing the discharge papers, Takeru watching them from a nearby chair resignedly, when Taichi had spoken up hesitantly, going so far as to step in between them with a sheepish smile on his face.
"I was thinking," he'd said, scratching uncertainly at his hair, "if it will settle your minds-and if Yamato doesn't mind," he'd added, looking at his boyfriend still half-asleep in the hospital bed, "I could stay at Yamato's apartment for the week, to help him out with Naoki and make sure he takes better care of himself..."
Yamato had been completely caught off-guard by the offer-he supposed he was still a bit wary, expecting the Taichi of last week to keep showing up. He hadn't said anything right away, and after a moment his parents had looked at each other, then Natsuko had said, "Well, I think that would be okay, if it's okay with you, honey," as she'd turned towards Yamato expectantly.
"Naoki's a lot of work," his dad had warned Taichi sternly, before Yamato could answer. "It won't be all fun and games like it used to be, when you two were teenagers and you stayed round sometimes, Taichi."
"I know, sir," Taichi had answered respectfully. "But I haven't been there for him like I should, and I want to make it up to him."
After a hesitation, Yamato had agreed to it, knowing he really could use the help, and also knowing his parents wouldn't be able to offer help like that. But now, well... he's realising that it's sort of a big step in their relationship. It's one thing to have Taichi come over for the day, it's another thing entirely to have him here for the week, acting as a sort of pseudo-parent to Naoki. He's not sure how things are going to play out, and he can only hope it won't go badly.
"What are you thinking about?" Taichi asks him softly, breaking into the silence of the room.
Yamato cracks open one eye and looks at him. "About how this week is going to go," he answers honestly. "About how Naoki will take to you playing second dad."
Taichi blinks. "You think he'll see me that way?"
Yamato shrugs and closes his eye, leaning over to snuggle up into Taichi's side. He's missed him dearly, and the fear about breaking up hasn't completely abated, despite that Taichi's here now, seeking forgiveness and tripping over himself to do anything he can for Yamato. "It's a possibility," he finally mumbles once he's gotten comfortable.
Taichi wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him in close, holding him tight. "We'll just have to see how things go, I guess," he says.
"Mmm," Yamato agrees sleepily. He knows he shouldn't fall asleep like this, that he should just get up and go to bed, but he's so comfortable, and surely a little nap won't hurt...
"I'll wake you in a bit," Taichi whispers softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his head, and then Yamato's asleep.
* * *
The next morning when he tries to get up to take care of Naoki, Taichi refuses to let him. "I've got him," he says. "I can get him dressed and fed and taken to my mom's. You sleep in. I'll see you in class, okay?"
He tries to protest-when Taichi offered to help, he didn't think Taichi had meant everything-but Taichi puts a finger to his lips, shushing him. "It's fine," he says. "I want to help."
He has to admit, when he wakes up an hour later, feeling more rested than he has in months and not having to worry about Naoki for a change, it's rather nice, and he could certainly get used to having Taichi here.
He takes his time getting ready, and smiles when he walks into the kitchen and finds a post-it note on the fridge, filled with Taichi's scrawl:
Don't forget to eat something!! Doctor's orders, so no excuses, or I'll get Agumon to sing to you! - Taichi
This is his Taichi. He's glad to have him back.
* * *
"Who called 119 for me?" Yamato asks abruptly that night when they're eating dinner. Thankfully he'd managed to convince Taichi that he wasn't so helpless as to not be able to cook, because he really didn't trust Taichi to do anything in the kitchen beyond using the microwave.
"Professor Matsuda," Taichi answers him, blinking. "He had his cell out and was dialling for the ambulance almost as soon as you were going down."
"Did... Were there a lot of our classmates left in the room?"
"Well..." Taichi says reluctantly, drawing the word out, and Yamato groans, covering his face in embarrassment. "You went down right when class ended," Taichi tells him apologetically. "Most people hadn't left yet."
"Can I just skip tomorrow?" Yamato asks, his voice muffled by his hands.
"Professor Matsuda was worried about you," Taichi says, setting his chopsticks down and reaching over to gently pull Yamato's hands away. He looks at him earnestly. "I think it'll be okay, really. A few people might talk, but it'll probably die down pretty quickly. Besides, you'll have to put up with a lot worse when your band gets even more famous."
Yamato groans again, knowing Taichi's right, but hating to acknowledge it. He goes back to his dinner, hoping tomorrow won't be as bad as he fears.
* * *
He's woken in the middle of the night by a thud, and sits up abruptly, listening to hear the noise again and wondering if it was just in his dream. Beside him, Taichi murmurs sleepily, "What's wrong?"
"I heard something," he whispers, barely audible. "Like a thud."
"Miko," Taichi mumbles, rolling over on his side, and he rolls his eyes, realising Taichi's more asleep than awake. Even if the Yagamis cat hadn't passed away a couple of years ago, Miko certainly wouldn't be at his apartment. Leaving Taichi to sleep, he throws back the covers and slips out of bed, feeling the need to check on Naoki and make sure he's okay.
He pads quietly down the hall, pushing the toddler's door open wide, and then stares in disbelief at what he finds.
Naoki's on the floor, playing quietly with some toys, and when Yamato comes in the room, he looks up at him and grins. "Daddy!" he says.
"How did you-" he starts, and then shakes his head, knowing now what the thud had been. "Never mind. Naoki baby, it's the middle of the night. You should be in your crib, asleep."
Naoki abandons his toys to fold his arms across his chest, a little pout coming over his face. "No!"
"I don't have the energy for this," Yamato grouses, before flipping on the light and crossing the room, sweeping Naoki up into his arms. Naoki wails, but he ignores it and places him back in his crib. He's aggravated, as Naoki had once again thrown a tantrum earlier when Taichi had put him to bed, and he doesn't understand his son's sudden dislike of bedtime. He pulls out a book, sits down in the chair he keeps in there for that purpose, and then says, "Daddy's going to read to you a bit, but you have to go to sleep after that, or you'll go into time-out."
He opens the book and starts to read, talking loudly over the little boy's sobs. Thankfully when he closes the book fifteen minutes later, Naoki's asleep, so he gets up quietly and turns the light off, setting the book aside and making his way back to his own room, where he crawls back into bed. Taichi's snoring, and doesn't stir as he throws the covers back over himself and cuddles up next to him. He's asleep again within minutes.
* * *
When Yamato walks into biology class the next day, there is a bit of whispering from some of his classmates, but it's thankfully not as bad as he'd feared, and they're all silenced pretty quickly by Professor Matsuda's glare, his dark brown eyes staring fiercely around the room. After class, he waves Taichi on and approaches the man.
"Yes, Mr. Ishida?" the man asks, halting in his packing to look at him.
"Uh..." He feels nervous, suddenly, and fiddles anxiously with the strap of his bag. His track record of talking to professors one-on-one has not been very good so far. But unlike Dr. Kanada, this man hasn't given him any reason to think he hates him. "I just wanted to thank you," he says, abandoning his bag to tuck his hair behind his ear. "For calling the ambulance for me."
"You're very welcome," Professor Matsuda says, smiling warmly at him. "You're doing okay now?"
"Yeah," he says, a light blush staining his cheeks. "The doctor said it was just stress."
"Ah," his professor says knowingly. "Well, I'm glad to hear it was nothing serious. Be sure to take good care of yourself."
"Yes, sir," he says, his cheeks darkening a bit more. "I will, sir." He smiles, somewhat awkwardly. "I'll see you Tuesday."
Professor Matsuda nods in acknowledgement, beginning to pack again, and Yamato takes his leave, where he finds Taichi waiting for him outside.
"What was that about?" Taichi asks him, peeling off the wall to fall in step with him.
Yamato blushes again. "Just wanted to thank him for calling 119."
* * *
"No!" A loud wail splits the air, punctuated by a stamping foot on the carpet. "No bed! No no no!"
Yamato rubs at his temples, the toddler's cries rapidly giving him a pounding headache. Once again Taichi's trying to put Naoki to bed while Yamato curls up on the sofa, attempting to relax, but for whatever reason his son is throwing a tantrum yet again. After another minute of Taichi unsuccessfully trying to get Naoki to cooperate, Yamato stands up. "Here, let me just do it," he says exasperatedly. "Maybe he just wants me."
Taichi steps back gladly, and Yamato goes over to the other end of the living room, where Naoki's taken refuge in a corner. "Naoki, it's bedtime," he says, but Naoki simply shrieks again. "Naoki, do you want to go into time-out?" he asks sternly, wincing at a particularly sharp stab of pain over his left eye.
"No!"
Yamato takes a deep breath and silently asks for patience. Then he reaches out and picks up his defiant son, ignoring his squirming and crying. He carries him to the bedroom, Taichi following behind him. Between the two of them, they somehow manage to get Naoki changed into his pyjamas, but he puts up another fight when Yamato carries him over to the crib.
"Maybe he doesn't like the crib anymore," Taichi finally remarks.
Yamato actually stops in his tracks at that, the book he was going to grab forgotten. He considers Taichi's simple statement, and Naoki's behaviour over the past few nights, and sighs. Why had he not thought of this? It seems so obvious, now that Taichi's said it. "I think you're right," he finally says, and then groans. "That means I'll have to go shopping. You want to go with us tomorrow? After lab?"
Taichi doesn't look as if he's sure about it, but he agrees anyway. After all, how bad could it be?
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