Penguins and Pimps (or Chloe and Clark watch the 2006 Academy Awards) SV Fic
Penguins and Pimps (or Chloe and Clark watch the 2006 Oscars)
by Tracy lunarknightz
Rating: PG
Category: Chlark snarkage.
Spoilers: For the 2006 Oscars, Mostly. And for "Reckoning".
Disclaimer: I don't own an Oscar. Or nothing else, really.
Summary: Clark & Chloe watch the 2006 Academy Awards. Be Afraid.
“They’re not really speaking penguin, are they?”
Chloe rolled her eyes. “How in the hell would I know?”
He shrugged. “You always seem to know everything.”
“I’ll tell you what.” Chloe said, holding back a giggle. “As soon as penguins invade Smallville, I’ll become an expert on them. But so far the only artic animals I have any experience with are Kryptonians.
“Ha. Ha.” Clark sighed. “Why in the hell are we watching this again?”
“Duh. John Stewart.”
“Eh.” Clark said, not overly impressed.
“Oh, don’t be such an anger ball, Clark.”
“Anger Ball?”
“We really need to widen your horizons, Clark. There’s a whole big world of entertainment out there besides ESPN. Playing By Heart is a great movie about a family and relationships and it has Sean Connery, John Stewart, Gillian Anderson, Ryan Phillippe, and Angelina Jolie..”
“Angelina Jolie?”
“Don’t get excited, Clark. She’s not about to dump Brad Pitt for you.”
“Hey, I wasn’t the one who picked this stupid program to begin with. You’re the one who is gawking over John Stewart.”
”Shhh.” Chloe said, elbowing Clark in the side. “No talking. Jake Gyllenhaal’s on screen.”
_______________
Clark sighed. “What’s this montage about anyway?”
”Like I know? They all look the same?” Chloe said, rolling her eyes.
Clark grinned as the camera switched back to John Stewart.
“And join us later.” Stewart said, “For Oscar’s salute to montages.”
____________________
“Tell me I’m not hallucinating.”
“If you are, I’m on the same magic carpet ride that you are.”
“It’s so wrong.”
“Yeah, but you gotta admit that the tune’s a little catchy.”
”It won.” Clark said, as his jaw dropped open.
”Well, apparently it is hard out there for a pimp.”
”You….”
”Clark, I know just about as much about pimps as I do about penguins, okay?”
_______________________
“Montage alert.” Chloe said, jumping to her feet. “Help me make popcorn.”
“We just had pizza and a whole tube of uncooked cookie dough. Aren’t you full?”
“Popcorn keeps me alert and snarky. And you won’t like me when I’m not snarky.”
“Why am I not willing to risk this?” Clark groaned, jumping to his feet.
Chloe exhaled with relief as Clark followed her out of the living room. She’d managed to get him out of there just in time. Tonight was supposed to be a fun night, a time to relax and laugh and forget his problems.
With the memory of his father’s death still so fresh in his heart, Chloe doubted that Clark would be able to make it through the “In Memoriam” montage.
_________________________________
”Chloe, turn the TV back on!”
“I’m done with this stupid fascist peacock show. The Oscars are dead to me.”
“Chloe, I’m sorry that Joaquin didn’t win…”
“He was robbed! Honestly! Can’t the Academy get their heads out of their asses and actually give an actor to someone who deserves it?”
”Have you seen Capote? It might be good…”
“I saw Walk the Line Clark. That’s enough.”
“I think the Academy must fear you.”
”They should.” Chloe nodded. “You can turn the blooming thing back on, but if Reese doesn’t win best actress, I’m writing this show off for, like, forever.”
”Even if you got an assignment to cover it for a news story?”
“That would be different. It would be for work. And I’d go under extreme protest to myself.”
“Why do they keep on making all these film biographies?”
“Because real life is the best story of all.” Chloe shrugged. “Who knows, one day they might even make a movie about you.”
”No way.”
“Oh come on. It’s got all the hallmarks of an award winning film- an orphaned baby, a meteor shower, the spunky heroine best friend…”
“You’re talking about Lois, right?”
”Don’t make me hurt you, Clark. I have kryptonite and I know how to use it!”
“Shhh.” Clark elbowed her in the side. “They’re about to announce the best actress…”
Chloe shrieked with joy, jumping off the couch as Jamie Foxx announced Reese Witherspoon the winner.
Clark laughed. “You’re insane, Chloe.”
”Hey. This is one small step for a woman, one huge leap for blonde kind.”
by Tracy lunarknightz
Rating: PG
Category: Chlark snarkage.
Spoilers: For the 2006 Oscars, Mostly. And for "Reckoning".
Disclaimer: I don't own an Oscar. Or nothing else, really.
Summary: Clark & Chloe watch the 2006 Academy Awards. Be Afraid.
“They’re not really speaking penguin, are they?”
Chloe rolled her eyes. “How in the hell would I know?”
He shrugged. “You always seem to know everything.”
“I’ll tell you what.” Chloe said, holding back a giggle. “As soon as penguins invade Smallville, I’ll become an expert on them. But so far the only artic animals I have any experience with are Kryptonians.
“Ha. Ha.” Clark sighed. “Why in the hell are we watching this again?”
“Duh. John Stewart.”
“Eh.” Clark said, not overly impressed.
“Oh, don’t be such an anger ball, Clark.”
“Anger Ball?”
“We really need to widen your horizons, Clark. There’s a whole big world of entertainment out there besides ESPN. Playing By Heart is a great movie about a family and relationships and it has Sean Connery, John Stewart, Gillian Anderson, Ryan Phillippe, and Angelina Jolie..”
“Angelina Jolie?”
“Don’t get excited, Clark. She’s not about to dump Brad Pitt for you.”
“Hey, I wasn’t the one who picked this stupid program to begin with. You’re the one who is gawking over John Stewart.”
”Shhh.” Chloe said, elbowing Clark in the side. “No talking. Jake Gyllenhaal’s on screen.”
_______________
Clark sighed. “What’s this montage about anyway?”
”Like I know? They all look the same?” Chloe said, rolling her eyes.
Clark grinned as the camera switched back to John Stewart.
“And join us later.” Stewart said, “For Oscar’s salute to montages.”
____________________
“Tell me I’m not hallucinating.”
“If you are, I’m on the same magic carpet ride that you are.”
“It’s so wrong.”
“Yeah, but you gotta admit that the tune’s a little catchy.”
”It won.” Clark said, as his jaw dropped open.
”Well, apparently it is hard out there for a pimp.”
”You….”
”Clark, I know just about as much about pimps as I do about penguins, okay?”
_______________________
“Montage alert.” Chloe said, jumping to her feet. “Help me make popcorn.”
“We just had pizza and a whole tube of uncooked cookie dough. Aren’t you full?”
“Popcorn keeps me alert and snarky. And you won’t like me when I’m not snarky.”
“Why am I not willing to risk this?” Clark groaned, jumping to his feet.
Chloe exhaled with relief as Clark followed her out of the living room. She’d managed to get him out of there just in time. Tonight was supposed to be a fun night, a time to relax and laugh and forget his problems.
With the memory of his father’s death still so fresh in his heart, Chloe doubted that Clark would be able to make it through the “In Memoriam” montage.
_________________________________
”Chloe, turn the TV back on!”
“I’m done with this stupid fascist peacock show. The Oscars are dead to me.”
“Chloe, I’m sorry that Joaquin didn’t win…”
“He was robbed! Honestly! Can’t the Academy get their heads out of their asses and actually give an actor to someone who deserves it?”
”Have you seen Capote? It might be good…”
“I saw Walk the Line Clark. That’s enough.”
“I think the Academy must fear you.”
”They should.” Chloe nodded. “You can turn the blooming thing back on, but if Reese doesn’t win best actress, I’m writing this show off for, like, forever.”
”Even if you got an assignment to cover it for a news story?”
“That would be different. It would be for work. And I’d go under extreme protest to myself.”
“Why do they keep on making all these film biographies?”
“Because real life is the best story of all.” Chloe shrugged. “Who knows, one day they might even make a movie about you.”
”No way.”
“Oh come on. It’s got all the hallmarks of an award winning film- an orphaned baby, a meteor shower, the spunky heroine best friend…”
“You’re talking about Lois, right?”
”Don’t make me hurt you, Clark. I have kryptonite and I know how to use it!”
“Shhh.” Clark elbowed her in the side. “They’re about to announce the best actress…”
Chloe shrieked with joy, jumping off the couch as Jamie Foxx announced Reese Witherspoon the winner.
Clark laughed. “You’re insane, Chloe.”
”Hey. This is one small step for a woman, one huge leap for blonde kind.”