Character Interpretation - 9 for Chrome. She seems in-character to me, but she's also older and more prone to jumping in for a friend's sake. Nice touch to add that in! 10 for Mukuro. I can see him like that after being released from Vindice's prison. Aaaand for Hibari, I'll say 7 since I wasn't feeling his character as much as the other two. But still, I think you did good. Grammar/Spelling - 8, couldn't see overly wrong with this at all. Story Flow - 16, it felt a bit forced at some parts, but I'm thinking that's probably from the Hibari/Chrome dynamic and meant to feel that way from Chrome's pov. Overall, I enjoyed reading this and I hope you write more for the Mori Haru-verse. Prompt Usage - 8, the prompt is there, but it's hard to tell. Originality - 11, the play on dreams was original and this was a great take on that. Bonus - Yup~ Definitely a love triangle, good job including the bonus <3
Oh! Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate it :3 You're right about Hibari's character. I'm still not sure how to write him, haha. He's very difficult. Glad you liked Haru! And I will. Thanks again! <3
Characters like Hibari and Alaude elude me too xD Don't feel bad. They're hard to get a grasp on than other characters, I guess. Their personalities are ... very standoffish and antisocial.
Glad I could provide a little feedback and I look forward to more entries from you at WnR ^^
True, true! haha, thanks for that! And I will! I actually feel motivated to write since I get excited about the prompts! I can't wait to see what the next one is~ :3
This story is simple yet elegant. :D The narration was smooth and well-paced, the feelings were also described well that in a way that I did not have any difficulties in imagining what was happening within the story. I also liked your little introduction of Hibari and Chrome's relationship in reference to chapter 169/episode 95 because it justified the curiosity of Chrome in the story.
For the plot, the first part really had me on its grasp and convinced me to read on the fic until the end. The idea of 'dreams' was well incorporated within the Hibari/Chrome/Mukuro angle and I was delighted for it was jived at the conclusion of the story. (Though honestly I would be more delighted if this would have a sequel, hahaha... XD That's only a suggestion :D)
And before I forgot, I oh-so love Haru in this fic :D
Overall, job well done! Good luck on the contest! :D
Oh thank you thank you thank you! You've so made my day!!! I'm glad you liked the dream frame to the story. When I think Hibari and Chrome that scene in ep.169 always invades my mind, so I just had to reference to it. :3 I won't lie. I had a really hard time with Hibari, so I'm probably not going to mess around with this anymore. But I do like writing Mukuro and Chrome, so you'll probably see them again sometime soon! Haru is my favorite! I'm glad you liked her. Thank you again for the lovely review!!! ❤ ❥ ♡ ♥ ღ ɞ
Oh yes, yes your very much welcome. :D Your story deserved a lovely comment after all ^_^
Don't worry lunadeartemis, you are not alone! T.T Every time I brainstorm for my stories with Hibari in it, I'm always having this difficulty on how to write him in a way that would convince the readers that this will be Hibari's possible reaction in that instance, etc. He's a very complicated character, really. Don't give up on writing him! Just try experimenting on his character more, and with your talent I'm sure you could pull it through :D And for Chrome and Mukuro, yeah they are much more easier than Hibari. :D
Oooohhh, I see, you love Haru! Well, she's indeed a jolly character, not so hard to like. ^_^ Mine's Chrome, LOL.
Character Interpretation: Chrome - 10 Mukuro - 10 Hibari - 10 I don't think I really need to explain why, haha. Grammar/Spelling: 9 ; I noticed a few mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes so no big deal. xD Story Flow: 18 ; It's great how your paragraphs aren't chunky and the story itself is easy to read through even though it's 3k words (I have a low attention span). Prompt Usage: 12 ; Yes...I kind of feel sorry for Hibari, LOL! Originality: 14 ; Well, I wasn't expecting that scene regarding Hibari and his...yeah. Another note to take notice of is your Haru, that's quite original in itself and is self-explanatory. Bonus: 10 ; The clearest love triangle I've seen as of yet! I've enjoyed reading your fic a lot! Thanks for participating!
Comments 8
Character Interpretation - 9 for Chrome. She seems in-character to me, but she's also older and more prone to jumping in for a friend's sake. Nice touch to add that in! 10 for Mukuro. I can see him like that after being released from Vindice's prison. Aaaand for Hibari, I'll say 7 since I wasn't feeling his character as much as the other two. But still, I think you did good.
Grammar/Spelling - 8, couldn't see overly wrong with this at all.
Story Flow - 16, it felt a bit forced at some parts, but I'm thinking that's probably from the Hibari/Chrome dynamic and meant to feel that way from Chrome's pov. Overall, I enjoyed reading this and I hope you write more for the Mori Haru-verse.
Prompt Usage - 8, the prompt is there, but it's hard to tell.
Originality - 11, the play on dreams was original and this was a great take on that.
Bonus - Yup~ Definitely a love triangle, good job including the bonus <3
Reply
You're right about Hibari's character. I'm still not sure how to write him, haha. He's very difficult.
Glad you liked Haru! And I will.
Thanks again!
<3
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Glad I could provide a little feedback and I look forward to more entries from you at WnR ^^
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And I will! I actually feel motivated to write since I get excited about the prompts! I can't wait to see what the next one is~
:3
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For the plot, the first part really had me on its grasp and convinced me to read on the fic until the end. The idea of 'dreams' was well incorporated within the Hibari/Chrome/Mukuro angle and I was delighted for it was jived at the conclusion of the story. (Though honestly I would be more delighted if this would have a sequel, hahaha... XD That's only a suggestion :D)
And before I forgot, I oh-so love Haru in this fic :D
Overall, job well done! Good luck on the contest! :D
Reply
I'm glad you liked the dream frame to the story. When I think Hibari and Chrome that scene in ep.169 always invades my mind, so I just had to reference to it. :3
I won't lie. I had a really hard time with Hibari, so I'm probably not going to mess around with this anymore. But I do like writing Mukuro and Chrome, so you'll probably see them again sometime soon!
Haru is my favorite! I'm glad you liked her.
Thank you again for the lovely review!!!
❤ ❥ ♡ ♥ ღ ɞ
Reply
Don't worry lunadeartemis, you are not alone! T.T Every time I brainstorm for my stories with Hibari in it, I'm always having this difficulty on how to write him in a way that would convince the readers that this will be Hibari's possible reaction in that instance, etc. He's a very complicated character, really. Don't give up on writing him! Just try experimenting on his character more, and with your talent I'm sure you could pull it through :D And for Chrome and Mukuro, yeah they are much more easier than Hibari. :D
Oooohhh, I see, you love Haru! Well, she's indeed a jolly character, not so hard to like. ^_^ Mine's Chrome, LOL.
Your welcome and continue to write!!! :))))
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Chrome - 10
Mukuro - 10
Hibari - 10
I don't think I really need to explain why, haha.
Grammar/Spelling: 9 ; I noticed a few mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes so no big deal. xD
Story Flow: 18 ; It's great how your paragraphs aren't chunky and the story itself is easy to read through even though it's 3k words (I have a low attention span).
Prompt Usage: 12 ; Yes...I kind of feel sorry for Hibari, LOL!
Originality: 14 ; Well, I wasn't expecting that scene regarding Hibari and his...yeah. Another note to take notice of is your Haru, that's quite original in itself and is self-explanatory.
Bonus: 10 ; The clearest love triangle I've seen as of yet! I've enjoyed reading your fic a lot! Thanks for participating!
TOTAL: 93/100
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