Fic: Fear of Flying (Host Club, twins)
Title: Fear of Flying
Category: Ouran Koukou Host Club
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hikaru/Kaoru
Rough Word Count: 700
Summary: Nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
Notes: This is probably the closest I’ll ever get to writing twins angst. I must be the only person in fandom who doesn’t think they’re terribly tragic.
“To fly, one must risk falling!”
- Wintergreen (The Hunting of the Moon) by Rainhawke
He caught on to what Kaoru was doing fairly quickly. After all, even with their private, personal differences, they were still twins. They were still similar and thought alike, or at the very, very least, they understood each other. Hikaru said nothing for a while, puzzling it out on his own, wondering and worrying…and Kaoru let him. Let him think independently until he brought it up himself.
Eventually, Hikaru saw that Kaoru simply let him do a lot of things. Maybe that was his way with this attachment. A different, but equally inescapable role. Identical, but complimentary. Yes, that was how they were.
And why should that be challenged? Hikaru thought, and finally questioned aloud, hand seeking his twin’s in a quiet moment together. Their fingers intertwined gracefully in a loose hold. He asked, and knew immediately there was something off in his asking, something besides the defensiveness and demand. Those were all right. It was normal, justified, it always was for him. More than that, though. It was - and it surprised him to see this now - childish. Immediately, he knew this was the case, and nonsensically hated that their world had changed enough for such a realization to occur. That just wasn’t supposed to happen.
Kaoru’s hand tightened around his, understanding.
“Aren’t you afraid?” Hikaru’s grip told of desperation, voice soft, but the bite in his tone was sharp.
“Of losing you?” Kaoru couldn’t seem to maintain any single emotion. His feline gaze was cool one moment, alight the next, sometimes reflective and sometimes deep. “That maybe, someday, we’ll be apart from each other? That we would regret the loss forever? That no matter what we do, we will drift?”
Hikaru couldn’t respond, thinking if he tried, it would only come out as a stifled choke.
“I am always afraid,” the younger twin answered for himself. “Even when it doesn’t make sense to be scared, the fear and doubt won’t go away. Hikaru, I don’t expect you to be fearless either. No one should expect that of anyone.”
“It didn’t used to be like that,” Hikaru murmured, relief poisoned with bitterness. The worrying, these cares that plagued them, only existed now because of this changing.
Kaoru tilted his head so that his cheek lay upon Hikaru’s shoulder, so that his eyes were indiscernible. “Isn’t there a price for knowledge?”
“But this-”
“This,” Kaoru said with a calmness that Hikaru didn’t want to find out if he could see through, “is growing up.”
His initial reaction was one of offended dignity. The fact that he did not act upon the feeling was more startling than anything else. It was the mature thing to do, wasn’t it? Was that part of it then, the growing up? Was it too late?
“Unavoidable, really,” Kaoru affirmed. “We started late. It’s a little ironic when you think about it. But you know, I have no intention-”
“-Of letting you go,” Hikaru finished, difficult in a way it had never been before. He knew the words and the sentiment - that was still shared between them - but there was the addition of something, an acknowledgement, which was new and unwelcome. “Kaoru, do you think that’s truly possible?”
The younger boy blinked up at him in a show of innocence. “Why can’t it be?”
“I…” He didn’t know why. It just seemed that way. Nobody else would agree with them and that, he thought, was perfectly fine.
Kaoru raised their hands, still folded neatly on top of one another. “Hikaru, will you let me depend on you?”
“Of course,” he replied with an impatient breath of air. “I’ve depended on you, too, and I…will still do so. Whether you want me to or not.”
“Then don’t we have nothing to lose, despite our irrational fears, and everything to gain?”
He shot him a suspicious look. “Don’t tell me you’re that confident all the time.”
“I’m not.” Kaoru shrugged, linking both his arms around his brother. “That’s why I need you to be confident when I can’t. Otherwise the fear will drag me down.”
“No one will understand,” Hikaru pointed out, smiling slightly with a touch of pride. “They’ll say we’re being idealistic.”
“That’s when we make a wager and prove them wrong.”
end.
I really do feel like an oddity in fandom. XD; To me, saying the twins are tragic for having to grow up and separate is like saying every kid's tragic for growing up and learning that their parents are not infallible, that the world's not an ideal place, that childhood has to come to an end. *shrugs* Maybe it's because the series itself doesn't make a big deal out of any issues that pop up. If Tamaki suddenly goes on a genuine angst spree over his family, then I'll stand corrected.
Category: Ouran Koukou Host Club
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hikaru/Kaoru
Rough Word Count: 700
Summary: Nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
Notes: This is probably the closest I’ll ever get to writing twins angst. I must be the only person in fandom who doesn’t think they’re terribly tragic.
“To fly, one must risk falling!”
- Wintergreen (The Hunting of the Moon) by Rainhawke
He caught on to what Kaoru was doing fairly quickly. After all, even with their private, personal differences, they were still twins. They were still similar and thought alike, or at the very, very least, they understood each other. Hikaru said nothing for a while, puzzling it out on his own, wondering and worrying…and Kaoru let him. Let him think independently until he brought it up himself.
Eventually, Hikaru saw that Kaoru simply let him do a lot of things. Maybe that was his way with this attachment. A different, but equally inescapable role. Identical, but complimentary. Yes, that was how they were.
And why should that be challenged? Hikaru thought, and finally questioned aloud, hand seeking his twin’s in a quiet moment together. Their fingers intertwined gracefully in a loose hold. He asked, and knew immediately there was something off in his asking, something besides the defensiveness and demand. Those were all right. It was normal, justified, it always was for him. More than that, though. It was - and it surprised him to see this now - childish. Immediately, he knew this was the case, and nonsensically hated that their world had changed enough for such a realization to occur. That just wasn’t supposed to happen.
Kaoru’s hand tightened around his, understanding.
“Aren’t you afraid?” Hikaru’s grip told of desperation, voice soft, but the bite in his tone was sharp.
“Of losing you?” Kaoru couldn’t seem to maintain any single emotion. His feline gaze was cool one moment, alight the next, sometimes reflective and sometimes deep. “That maybe, someday, we’ll be apart from each other? That we would regret the loss forever? That no matter what we do, we will drift?”
Hikaru couldn’t respond, thinking if he tried, it would only come out as a stifled choke.
“I am always afraid,” the younger twin answered for himself. “Even when it doesn’t make sense to be scared, the fear and doubt won’t go away. Hikaru, I don’t expect you to be fearless either. No one should expect that of anyone.”
“It didn’t used to be like that,” Hikaru murmured, relief poisoned with bitterness. The worrying, these cares that plagued them, only existed now because of this changing.
Kaoru tilted his head so that his cheek lay upon Hikaru’s shoulder, so that his eyes were indiscernible. “Isn’t there a price for knowledge?”
“But this-”
“This,” Kaoru said with a calmness that Hikaru didn’t want to find out if he could see through, “is growing up.”
His initial reaction was one of offended dignity. The fact that he did not act upon the feeling was more startling than anything else. It was the mature thing to do, wasn’t it? Was that part of it then, the growing up? Was it too late?
“Unavoidable, really,” Kaoru affirmed. “We started late. It’s a little ironic when you think about it. But you know, I have no intention-”
“-Of letting you go,” Hikaru finished, difficult in a way it had never been before. He knew the words and the sentiment - that was still shared between them - but there was the addition of something, an acknowledgement, which was new and unwelcome. “Kaoru, do you think that’s truly possible?”
The younger boy blinked up at him in a show of innocence. “Why can’t it be?”
“I…” He didn’t know why. It just seemed that way. Nobody else would agree with them and that, he thought, was perfectly fine.
Kaoru raised their hands, still folded neatly on top of one another. “Hikaru, will you let me depend on you?”
“Of course,” he replied with an impatient breath of air. “I’ve depended on you, too, and I…will still do so. Whether you want me to or not.”
“Then don’t we have nothing to lose, despite our irrational fears, and everything to gain?”
He shot him a suspicious look. “Don’t tell me you’re that confident all the time.”
“I’m not.” Kaoru shrugged, linking both his arms around his brother. “That’s why I need you to be confident when I can’t. Otherwise the fear will drag me down.”
“No one will understand,” Hikaru pointed out, smiling slightly with a touch of pride. “They’ll say we’re being idealistic.”
“That’s when we make a wager and prove them wrong.”
end.
I really do feel like an oddity in fandom. XD; To me, saying the twins are tragic for having to grow up and separate is like saying every kid's tragic for growing up and learning that their parents are not infallible, that the world's not an ideal place, that childhood has to come to an end. *shrugs* Maybe it's because the series itself doesn't make a big deal out of any issues that pop up. If Tamaki suddenly goes on a genuine angst spree over his family, then I'll stand corrected.