Somewhere, I. - CHAPTER 5/5 (URUHA/RUKI) - PART I

[luna_no_koibito]

Title: Somewhere, I. - Chapter 5/5 Part: 1 of 3 - … somewhere. Author: luna_no_koibito Genre: Life, angst, romance, AU Warnings: none I believe (for this chapter) Rating: PG-13 (for now) Pairing: Uruha/Ruki Bands: the GazettE Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！ Summary: -No they won't, and I don't want to spend my life hiding, and lying to myself. I want things to change Uruha, and it will never, until somewhere, someone will make it change, and I decided to be that someone- sternly concluded the brunette, grabbing mop and bucket, speed walking to another section.

MAIN

4 PART 3



… somewhere.

Tightly holding the key to his front door as if his life depended on it, Uruha inserted the metallic object into the keyhole, pausing for a second to stare at the empty spot on his right side, and instinctively turned his head backwards, to take a quick look at the main entrance gate, for some unjustifiable reason, expecting to see Ruki run through it, and join him in that empty space right besides him, just like in his dream. However, he knew very well that such thing wasn't going to happen, so much as he knew that once he'd step foot into his house, he wouldn't find his parents happily waiting for him, sitting at the couch in the living room. Perhaps, as Ruki had mentioned, it really had been just an exceptionally beautiful dream, and perhaps this whole life of his was a dream, perhaps nothing of this was real. Yet, the fact still remained that Ruki was very much real in his head, and heart, and no matter how hard he'd try, he wouldn't have been able to move on, and classifying themselves as merely a dream. Thus, he had to try, he had to make it work somehow.

Gently opening the door, he slowly walked inside, attentively checking his surroundings as if expecting someone to come out and scare him saying something on the lines of “Boo! This is all a nightmare, you'll wake up soon”; or so he wished. Turning around, he sighed, quietly closed the door, and remained silently unmoving, trying to discern sounds of any voices, but it was all terrifyingly quiet. Discouragingly turning around, he took a step forward, and immediately stopped as he spotted a troubled looking Keiko standing outside of their living-room. The young woman quickly focused her gaze towards the main entrance, as well spotting her brother. Before taking a few steps towards the teen, her features slowly morphed into the most sorrowful expression the teenager had even seen on her face, which was now looking away from him, as she stood right under his nose.

-They haven't spoke a word since they got here … - she began raising her head to face the honey blond -I have never seen them so ...- she tried to continue, but stopped in mid sentence, as if not finding the exact words -What ... happened ...- she hesitantly inquired -... nobody … died … right? - she swiftly added, trying to get him to look at her, as she slightly bent her head to follow his gaze, which was fixed on some random point on their expensive wooden floor -... Kou-chan? ...- she whispered once she received no answer

-Nobody died Keiko … - reassured the taller with a sigh - and I can't believe that they just … I … fuck ...- he concluded shoving a hand through his honey blond lock, and walking passed his sister, he stopped at the living room's threshold, clearly viewing both his parents figures, his mother standing by, and looking out the window, while his father was sitting at his his usual armchair on the other side of the room.

-Tadaima modorimashita - formally greeted Uruha, causing his mother to quickly turn towards him, as if freed from a momentary trance, while his father merely raised his gaze towards him.

-Okaerinasai- replied his mother, soon after glancing at the immobile figure of her sitting husband, as she walked towards her son, kindly holding him by his arm, she guided him towards the couch placed opposite to where his father was sitting down -... let's sit - she then softly whispered, flashing him a true reassuring smile. Her more relaxed, compared to when they were at school, served to calm Uruha a little, ans he was thankful he apparently wasn't receiving any hostilities from her, because his father was already doing a good job all by himself.

Following his mother's instructions, Uruha sat with her, and took another glance at his father, who was still silently staring at him. And so they remained for what seemed an eternity, until his father finally spoke -Let me hear it ...- he nonchalantly spoke, his voice composed, and his features rigid. Uruha quickly glanced up at the man, and quietly inhaling, he mentally prepared himself; once again, this was it.

-I have being dealing with this for a long time now, and at first I thought there was something wrong with me, I thought it was a temporary state … I thought it would pass … I truly did, but- cautiously and calmly spoke the teenager, when his father abruptly interrupted him

-What are you talking about?- uttered an irritated voice

-I … - bemusedly resumed Uruha, staring at his father, in order to try and understand the nature of his question - I am trying to explain how I- he quickly resumed noticing his father's impatient, but was once more interrupted by his father, who leaned away from his armchair, resting his elbows on his laps, and fixing his raging orbs, on his son.

-Are you truly, sitting in that couch, under my roof, in front of me, telling me that you are gay?- viciously and firmly inquired the man, as Uruha found himself not able to look away from his burning gaze, and wondering where had the man that he so much revered and looked up to, found all the amount of hatred that was treating to bulge out of his eyes. Such an intense gaze, so much anger not wanting to be hidden, and that was preventing the teen from decisively, and confidently utter that one three letter word, which, from the looks of it, would have been the last drop to a bother-line filled vase

… splash … crack.

-Yes - he confidently spoke, looking at his father with an absent yet stern gaze, his mother quickly looking down, while holding her mouth with her hand, as if trying not to cry.

-Say that again - challenged his father, looking right back at him with more intensity, as his mother slowly revolved her gaze to her raging husband, seemingly wanting to say something, sensing the hostility in the recently spoken words, which Keiko must have felt as well, given the rapidity with which she entered the room.

His father was infuriated, to a degree where if he could have he was sure to explode, his mother's face was already tear stained, and Keiko looked aghast, and helpless, and just as Uruha had envisioned, the whole disturbing portrayal of his family, hurt. It hurt more than anything he'd ever felt, in that precise instant, even more than what he had felt some hours ago in the auditorium. It felt like someone was dissecting him alive, with a rusty kitchen knife, carefully enough so that he could still be alive to witness, and feel every drop of pain. He loved them, he respected them, he cherished them, they had been, and still were, his whole world, a major reason why he was who he was, and where he was. As he had thought, it didn't feel right for him to do this them, but there was no turning back, he was not going to double doubt himself anymore, he was not going to tremble in his replies, no matter what would happen, we would properly deliver his message to the end.

-Yes I am - calmly replied Uruha, and soon after added - and I am sure you heard what Takanori had to say today, and if you reasoned through- he tried to calmly explain in an almost pleading tone, but was interrupted by his father who banged his feast on the coffee table, which was separating him from his son, and quickly rose to his feet.

-How can you be mouthing such nonsense in my house!- yelled Takashia-san looking down at the honey blond -how can you, blood of my blood, tell me that you find nothing fundamentally wrong for a man to be with another man? - continued the adult almost hissing -Something must be wrong with you … in fact, that is the only explanation, because the last time I remember I didn't raised a faggot!- he then concluded raising his voice, as something in Uruha suddenly snapped hearing the last proffered word, and quickly raised from the couch, facing his father, and shoved away the arm that his mother tried to grab to keep him away. This wasn't the way he was hoping for things to evolve, he was trying to have a mature conversation, an exchange of opinion among adults, but the wall was taller and ticker than he had thought, and his now furious soul, seemed to have missed the whole point as well.

-Well looks like you have, doesn't i- quickly tried to retort Uruha, but was shut up by his father's palm which heavily landed on his cheek, as his mother quickly raised up, begging for Uruha to stop, and trying to keep him away from his father, which was what Keiko was doing at the moment with the paternal figure.

-Leave me! - cried out Takashima-san, as Keiko frightingly released her grip

-So is this it uh? Are you going to stop loving me, caring about me? are you going to look at me like I wasn't human because I prefer people of my same gender? Is it? - hissed Uruha now still in his mother's grip, fiercely staring at his father,

-You are certainly not showing me any respect, so do not demand any! - quickly retorted Takashima-san, as Uruha quickly closed his eyes, then taking a deep breath, he reopened them, and looked back at his father with a gentler expression

-I respect you dad ... I love you, I would never do anything to harm you, or mom, how could I? - he exasperatedly continued -... why would I? ...- he whispered releasing himself from his mother -I tried! I really tried so hard to figure out why, to fight this, but this is the way I am and- he tried to continue but was interrupted once more by his father

-No you are not!- bellowed the Takashima-san -No you are not! You are not! -

-Dad please! stop! Please! - yelled out Keiko, tears quickly rolling down her tears, as she brought herself to newly physically restrained the adult

-I will never accept that Kouyou! Never! -

-Dad if- tried to resume Uruha

-Don't you call me that!- furiously interrupted Takashima-san - I don't want to hear any of it, and I'll tell you now. There is going to be no gay living in my house, not now not ever, I will not tolerate that! - spoke the angered man

-So … - heedlessly replied Uruha, firmly looking at his father

-Kouyou don't...- begged his mother, as if she could read the words that were about to come out her son's mouth next

-Do you want me out? - finally inquired Uruha, ignoring his mother and Keiko's please, still sternly gazing at his father -... is this what you want -

-Choose Kouyou - quickly retorted his father - us, or him. If you choose him, I'll want you out, and once you are out forget that you even had a father, because you will cease to exist to me - firmly explained Takashima-san, at which Uruha was instinctively about to answer, but his mother had quickly closed his mouth with her hand, and was looking up at the younger, literally crying out her soul

-Please, please Kouyou think about it, please … I beg of the both of you - she then looked at her husband -don't do this, don't break this family … we can … work this out..we-

-There is nothing to be said, I will never, ever accept this!- interjected Takashima-san -you know the deal, make your decision - he concluded storming out of the room, and directing himself upstairs, as his mother held tight to him until the adult figure disappeared form their sight, after which she quickly dropped to the ground sobbing, while Keiko ran to her side.

Uruha stared at the crouched figures of his utterly distraught, and sobbing mother, and his sister, who was looking up at him, her dried-tear expression indicating that she didn't know what could be done. He also acknowledged his father's absence, the way he seemed to have transformed into a blind mask of hatred and unwillingness, he acknowledged the fact that he himself was disgusted by the reaction, and the lack of understanding showed by his father, but he also acknowledged the fact that he still couldn't hate him; he simply couldn't.

-Where are you going? ...- quickly inquired his mother, as Uruha took his first step towards the living-room's exit -I-I am sure, he didn't mean, any of the words he said …- sobbed his mother, trying to display her best smile, as she freed herself from Keiko, and rushed in front of her son, and grabbed his cheeks - so don't leave Kouyou okay? We'll fix everything okay?...- she smiled once more, nodding to herself, leaving his cheeks, and patting his chest as if trying to straighten out a wrinkle on his jacket -I'll go talk to him right now … it will be alright, it will all be alright- she then stated, giving him a last smile, and speed walking out of the living room.

Waiting for his mother to disappear up the staircase, Uruha resumed his walk, but stopped once more hearing his sister speak

-Why ...- she inquired, swiftly walking in front of him -... why?!- she questioned once more this time in a higher pitch, trying to get his apathetic gaze to acknowledge her -... why hadn't you tell me anything? If I had known- she almost began to shout, but was abruptly interrupted by Uruha

-You would have what? What Keiko? - irritatingly questioned Uruha glaring down at the young woman -you saw that, I tried talking and it didn't work, so- he retorted but was stopped midway

-So you are just going to pack up and leave? That's it, just take up and go … I mean, think about it Kouyou, let's be real- she exasperatedly sighed - Where are you going to go? With no money, no security, nothing Kouyou, nothing- she pointed out, particularly stressing the last word, as Uruha, kept staring at her unimpressed, and without any sort of reply, at which after a few seconds of staring, she hardly slapped his brother's chest -Don't … - another slap

-... Just ... - another

-...look ...- another

-...at me ...- another

-...like that! -Grabbing his sister's frantically hitting hands, he took a deep slow breath, and placed them back to her side -I need to get some air ...- he uttered, walking

-You ...- she suddenly spoke - … you really love him don't you? - she hesitantly and resignedly question, as she observed the back of his head positively nod, following a few seconds of silence -... You better be back Kouyou - pleadingly warned his sister, intently following him all the way toward the main entrance - mom will have a heart attack if she doesn't find you here - she quickly explained, which Uruha only heard half of, being already out the door, and quickly directing himself somewhere ... anywhere.

He could curse life, all the gods, and his faith, for having made him the way he was, for having abandoned him, for having placed him in front of a splitting entrance, so early in his life path. However, it wouldn't have solved, or changed, a single damned thing, such as crying, as he felt like doing at the moment. Was it so wrong? For crying out loud, how can wanting to love someone, cause so much harm, even as he thought about it, it made absolutely no sense, and it hurt even more; oh it hurt so fucking bad.

Was it so much to ask, wanting to have both his family and lover? Wasn't that what most regular couples would have taken for granted? He shouldn't have to choose, the whole thing was completely wrong, entirely unfair, but it seemed clear to Uruha now that life cleaned its ass with “fairness”, thus there was no point in complaining about that either. So what was he to do? That was the single question, which was hammering the proved walls of his heart, as he walked, and walked, looking very close to a zombie, actually, feeling quite exactly like one, and before he knew it, he looked up, and found himself none other than in front of his school. Keeping his gaze up, he realized why his mind subconsciously had brought him there. It was the view of the sky from the school's top; it was Ruki's sky.

Walking towards the gate, his brain began to process ways he could get into the school, knowing it to be closed for the day, thus not expecting the main gates to be open. Climbing the walls behind the school would have been easier than the front once, and he was sure there actually was a passage made by the school's hoodlums long time ago, and was regularly used from some students to escape during classes, and get back unnoticed. However, for the sake of it, he tentatively pushed the metal bars, and to his surprise, the gate was actually open. He didn't have too much time to consider his sudden luck, as his heart fluttered at the realization that Ruki was the only other possessor of a copy of the school gate's key, consequentially there was a possibility that he'd be in the school at the very moment. Even though he knew the other probably wanted nothing to do with him at the moment, just seeing him would have been enough. However, all his thoughts of a possible reunion with Ruki were abruptly kicked away, the same way a ball had been kicked in his direction, but was stopped by the security metal fencing, at which he realized that the only reason the school was opened, was because of the soccer club.

He stood unmoving, as he dazed at the player, who came and collect the ball. Aoi. The brunette raised his eyes in his direction, his smiling face changing into an emotionless expression as he remained staring at Uruha as well; were there any more people, whom he could drag away, hurt or disappoint?

Hearing his name being called, Aoi simply looked away and walked ran back to the middle field, as Uruha was left to himself, and his hopeless thoughts, which, as he absently proceeded towards the entrance of the school, where rapidly starting to take a dangerous turn.

Once inside the building, he kept going towards the stair ramp, and without stopping, he walked it all the way to the top. Now facing the outside door, as he wondered how he was going to open it, he once again tried his luck, tentatively pushing down the handle, and to his stupor, he found it unlocked, but yet didn't opened it. In his head, it made perfect sense that Ruki would have been the only person interested in being up there, and Aoi was at school as well, thus there was a high chance that Ruki would have been the one, to have opened the door, and was now waiting for him on the other side of it. Thus, taking a deep breath, he then slowly opened the door, and walked past it, but to his greatest disappointment, but not much stupor, there was nobody.

-You are not going to tell on us are you?- suddenly spoke a voice from behind him, as he turned around, and found a couple in each others arms leaning against the wall next to the entrance. Uruha simply shook his head in negation, and the couple resumed making out, reminding him how that could have been him and Ruki just two days ago, or even just this morning. Some hours ago, he had it all, and now he had nothing. His family, his lover, his best friend, all gone.

Turning away from the couple, he walked towards the same spot he remembered him and Ruki were the first time. Ruki'd had to tip toe, but it had been no problem for Uruha to place his arms over it, like he did, as memories of that day floated back to his memory.

Ne Uruha …

… is it okay if I hold your hand here? ...

please ...

His heart had almost cracked when he'd heard him saying those words, as usual talking his calm and serene way. His hand had felt so warm, so comforting, it gave him the feeling that as long as he had it in his own hand, nothing could go wrong, which now absence was probably the reason why everything was in fact not right at the moment.

…this is probably the closest me and you will ever be to heaven, you know …

… couples like us are not welcome up there

… I hear it is a nice place up there, it's a pity isn't it?

Heaven. If he had died without Ruki by his side, and following all the supposedly right things like he had been doing to this day, he, according to the sacred book, would have certainly gone there. But, what was the point of even being there, if he couldn't be with Ruki? Because, to Uruha, Heaven was any place where the brunette was. He should have probably told him that that day, he should have told Ruki many things really, but it wasn't like he could have predicted this, at least not happening so fast, and probably that was exactly what he was also angry about. It had taken them so much to be together, and they only had spent barely a week as a couple, so short a time, it felt like nothing had really happened, it really did almost feel like a dream. But things did happen …

Kouyou? …

... aren't we worth it?

… aren't we … aren't we worth fighting for?

That day he had so confidently replied “yes”, he truly believed it at the time, and he actually still believed it at the moment, only, he wished his parents believed it as well, he wished the world believed it. All he really wanted at the moment though, was for all the pain to leave him. He had never felt this bad before, and he didn't know how to handle it, or whether it would ever go away, if he were not to make that decision, which he didn't want to make at the moment, or ever at that.

Suddenly raising himself on his elbows he leaned forward, and so the team still playing, he saw other club activities, and the cement pavement. The school was a fife stories high, but somehow, he felt like he could distinctively see the pavement as being really close, as his mind suddenly clouded up with strange questions such as, was the cement really hard?

-Hey you? - screamed the voice of the boy from the couple behind him, but Uruha couldn't hear him

Was he really that far from it?

-oh my gush! What is he doing? - this time spoke the girl, who voice sounded panicked

Would it have hurt?

-Oi! Fuck ...stop .. what do we do … is he really going to? -

Would it have hurt more than what he felt at the moment? if it did ... that would have been great.

-... oh God -

-Aaaaaaah! -

5 PART 2

A/N: …. Yeah … well … mm .. what to say. This has three parts to start with, that I can say, and well, don't you just like it when people simply look, and talk, and do nothing, even when things like that are just happening in front of you? … m(_ _)m don't kill me, just wait for the next part (^_^!!)