Somewhere, I. - CHAPTER 4/5 (URUHA/RUKI) - PART 1

[luna_no_koibito]

Title: Somewhere, I. - Chapter 4/5
Part: 1 of 3 - … and me ...
Author: luna_no_koibito
Genre: Life, angst, romance, AU
Warnings:  none I believe (for this chapter)
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Pairing: Uruha/Ruki
Bands: the GazettE
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and don't wish I did because I'd be sorry for what could befall them （・＿・；）！
Summary: -No they won't, and I don't want to spend my life hiding, and lying to myself. I want things to change Uruha, and it will never, until somewhere, someone will make it change, and I decided to be that someone- sternly concluded the brunette, grabbing mop and bucket, speed walking to another section.

MAIN

3 PART 2

… and me …


Uruha had never, in the span of his relatively short life, felt as frightened, dubious, nervous, and undeniably in love, all at the same time, as he did at them moment, and said emotions were so incessantly pounding on his proved heart, that he felt as if his ever-beating companion, not being able to withstand all the pressure, would decided it better to force itself out of his ribcage. Perhaps, like every normal student most likely had done, they should have returned to there houses the previous day, in order to recover from the supposed three day recovery period. In that way at least, he would have been able to sort a week worth of both lightly and thoroughly pondered thoughts, added to impulsively taken decision, in a more confident way and much more resolve than he had the moment.

Because, even though he had in fact agreed to aid Ruki in his fight for the protection of their out-of-the-closet rare species of love, he himself hadn't yet officially come out of said closet, and after all that he and the brunette had gone through, all the obvious conclusions that he should have reached, he still couldn't fathom why he wasn't yet able to find the apposite amount of courage and determination to admit, and face the world as the man, who loved an another extraordinary man. He knew he wanted to be with Ruki, more than he had wanted anything else, but the fact that such legitimate decision would have drastically and completely changed his life, still wasn't sitting right in his stomach. All he needed at the moment was time, more time than people such as Yutaka, or the world itself, was consenting to give him.

They were approximately thirty minutes away from their school, and he had entirely wasted the two and a half hours, in which he should have been sleeping, in order to catch up on the hours lost in their early departure. Such as the other three were currently doing, Aoi and Courtney resting against each other, and Ruki laying across the opposite seat, with his head comfortably placed on Uurha's laps, looking so peaceful, innocent, vulnerable that it made it so tough to comprehend why and how could anyone want to hurt such a harmless soul. Yet, that was the reality they were about to face, and he wished he were like all his dormant companions, who didn't seem to have remembered, worry, or even bothered to mention Yutaka's threats. Always thinking, and hoping for the best, and not able, or perhaps not willing, to properly envision and grasp the worst.

The wait, and the suspense regarding what could possible awaited at school, was literally driving him crazy, and he was glad, that through the years, he had been able to successfully train his features into not ever portraying, if not voluntary, any of his emotions either good or bad, for if they had, in this particular moment, the red stained brunette probably wouldn't have displayed the loving and tranquil smile, which he had been gracing the honey blond with, in the past three days, as he now groggily turned in his laps, revolving his sleepy orbs towards him.

-Ohayou ...- whispered the brunette, slowly yawning and stretching out his tiny figure, and soon after retracting his body into a fetal position, comfortably placing his face against the elder's stomach, as he newly sealed his eyes away from Uruha's scrutinizing gaze.

-Ohayou ...- serenely replied the taller, smiling back at the younger, even though he knew he no longer had his attention, as he soothingly passed his digits through the red and black scattered locks, gaining an appreciative grin in reply.

-... you didn't sleep one bit, did you? … - calmly and almost matter-of-factly stated the brunette, placing his hand between his cheek and Uruha's lap as an ulterior cushion.

-Yeah … I didn't- plainly stated the taller, continuing his stroking motion, as the brunette resignedly exhaled from his nose, in response to the elder's admission, adjusting his hand and head on his laps, and after a minute or two of meditated silence, he resumed

-I am not expecting anything from you … you know that right?- he kindly inquired, his eyes still closed, talking with a serene yet firm voice.

-Yeah … I know- replied the honey blond, this time being the one to breath out in slight frustration, not liking the fact of being the one constantly taken cared of when, in his view, it was supposed to be the other way round -... but I really want this … it's just taking me time ... I - tried to explain the honey blond, but paused in the process not knowing exactly what it was he was trying to express.

-Will just take it slowly, one step at a time ...- replied the younger -... I know that when we are truly ready, and people will be ready and willing to listen … they might understand - firmly concluded the younger one- … hopefully ...- he then added in a whisper.

-Hopefully ...- uttered the honey blond, absently looking out, and randomly spotting Ruki's house -... we're close ...- he then announced, as the younger calmly raised from his legs, and tightly embraced the elder's torso.

-Yes we are … very close- jokingly added Ruki, rubbing his nose in the crook of Uruha's neck, provoking a smirk in the taller

-... are you scared?- he then suddenly inquired in a surprisingly serious tone, which oddly contrasted his not to long spoken tender words.

-No ...- calmly lied the taller, his voice and expression unwavering, making his statement entirely believable. However, apparently, there still was a part of him, he hadn't being able to properly master, which was still insanely beating in a precise spot inside his body, for after the brunette had gently placed his hand on that exact spot, on the left side of his chest, he was able to confidently profess his following one word declaration.

-Liar -

-Yes, he is ... a very good one at that ...- yawned out Aoi, smirking at the honey blond, while Courtney was rubbing her eyes awake - …and the truth is that, you are so peeing in your pants, like right about now ...- continued the brunette, folding his arms in his chest

-Says who and on what basis? ...- calmly asked Uruha, intently looking at Aoi with a challenging expression, as he gently patted Ruki's hand, which was still on his chest, kindly entwined it in his, and placed it on his lap.

-...you and I go back all the way to kindergarten Kou-chan ...- smirked the taller brunette,calling the other by the nickname they used to give each other, during those early stages of their lives -and I don't need to feel your heartbeat to tell ...- he then concluded, mockingly holding his chest with both hands, imitating the expression of a sorrowful damsel, which he was reprimanded about, by a non-diverted smack on the shoulder from Courtney.

-Oh how admirable of you Yucchan ...- plainly replied Uruha, rolling his eyes, while fixing his eyes out of the window noticing more, and more extremely familiar surrounding, which made his heartbeat hike up even more if possible, as he impulsively tightened the grip around Ruki's hand, who in response tightened his, and began passing his free hand up and down the blond's arm in a reassuring motion.

Ruki's touch felt extremely relaxing, to the point he could have abandoned his watchdog position, and calmly leaned back on his chair. However, as the limousine kept proceeding in its almost ending journey, towards the honey blond's dread destination, the vehicle began to rapidly slow down. Rolling down the window, with the automatic button, Uruha leaned his head outside, and saw cars of all size and shapes, dropping people all over the place, which was what was making it hard for the excessively long car, to get close to their institution. Something had happened, and his instincts were telling him that it had something to do with the four of them; he had no doubt about it.

-... What the … - suddenly uttered a bewildered looking Courtney, who had been absently staring outside her own side of the window, and whose face was now almost one with the window, after she'd swiftly pulled herself up and away from Aoi's shoulder, and was in complete view of their school. Her sudden reaction had soon grabbed the attention of the other three confused pairs of eye, which were now turned towards the same direction, confoundedly staring at the same scenario unfolding right in front of them. Students, and who Uruha could only assume to be their respective parents, were jamming the front courtyard, and were all walking in a orderly procession towards the direction of the auditorium.

-I didn't know... of any … student-parent ... assembly ...- incredulously and hesitantly stated the brown-haired girl, swiftly revolving are confused gaze towards Ruki, who was looking as bemused and unknowing as she did.

-We are part of the of the student representative board, and you are the head of it, for crying out loud! What is this? Why weren't we informed?- quickly concluded Courtney, bringing out her cell phone, searching for any missed calls, from any of the other board members or the school itself, who was followed in suit by Ruki, who as the other, didn't find any trace of any such call, in his missed calls log.

-... And wasn't Uke-san supposed to have called you before we came back?- swiftly added the girl, almost sounding panicked, receiving a mere slow-motion nod from the shorter brunette, who was now intently gazing at their auditorium, his hand still enclosed into Uruha's, to which this time he was the one, who impulsively applied pressure to them, which was replied by another prompt clenching by the taller.

As they finally got close enough to the school gates they saw the people continuing to flow through the gate crowding the entrance as they pushed past each other in a crowded mob. By the crowd, a few familiar faces suddenly stood out.

-Our ... parents ...- uttered Uruha in a faint almost fearful tone, suddenly abandoning Ruki's hand, as the car came to a complete stop, and said people quickly walked in their directions, while their progeny calmly came out the car

-What's … going on?- swiftly inquired the honey blond to both his parents, as he observed Aoi's mother worriedly checking out his son, as if she hadn't seen him in a year worth of time. Courtney's Japanese step father was repeatedly questioning her daughter's well-being in a rather concerned tone to which the girl kept nodding in reassurance. Ruki, instead, was merely standing in front of his father, his head lowered, his gaze averting, and wordless.

-We received a visit from Uke-kun himself, yesterday afternoon, asking us to partake at today's assembly regarding an urgent matter- calmly explained Uruha's father, who didn't seem too pleased with the happening, as Aoi, Courtney and Ruki, quickly turned towards the honey blond's parents at the mentioning of Yutaka's name.

-He came at our residence as well, and spoke to your father, ... but you know your father …- apologetically explained Aoi's mother, her head slightly lowered in visible embarrassment, as her son replied with a faint smile, which was meant to reassure his mother that he well knew his father. Thus, he hadn't expected him to put his precious work aside, for his just so happened to be son.

-The same happened to our family, but I told your mother not to bother, with the pregnancy and all ... - swiftly added Courtney's step father with a wide reassuring smile

-Always worrying to much for us otou-san- replied the girl sincerely smiling back at her step-father, after which all but one family story had been heard, as Uruha cautiously moved his gaze on to the silent pair of father and son, who hadn't spoke a word since their recent reunion.

-This is a great inconvenience ...- drily spat Ruki's father in visibile irritation -Compared to the majority of the people in this school, I am not rich, and this is going to take quite some money out of my paycheck - he swiftly added, both his hands in his pockets, as he revolved his stern expression towards the school - I wouldn't have come if the that boy hadn't made it somehow known, that this concerned you, and that I had to take responsibility … as always - he then concluded walking towards the entrance. At those words, Ruki's head slowly raised up, and began to nod at nothing in particular, as if to confirm some sort of suspicion. He then randomly turned his absent gaze towards his companions, and finally stopped and focused on Uruha, whose instantly locked with the one of the faintly smiling brunette.

Uruha wanted to run towards the younger, tightly embrace him, tell him that somehow, everything was going to be alright, but the presence of his parents, revealed itself to be more cumbersome than he had imagined, resulting on him not being able to move a single muscle, as he observed, for the first time, the one emotion he never wanted to have witnessed in the pretense serene younger's eyes; fear.

-I … should join … my father ...- suddenly stated Ruki, in a low tone, lightly smiling once more, and bowing at the group, soon after following his father inside the school, under the silent and perplexed gaze of the other three families.

-What did he mean? Kouyou, what is going on? What did Ruki-kun do?- impatiently asked Uruha's mother, worriedly staring at her son, as she stood unmoving next to her husband

-I don't know ...- dared to reply the honey blond, who had no idea of what was to come, he hadn't imagined this at all, and compared, a burning down of the school felt much better.

-Well we'll never know standing here now would we? ...- suddenly added Aoi smiling at everyone and beginning his walk towards the school's auditorium -let's hurry up and catch up with Ruki - he then proposed, as Courtney hummed in agreement following her boyfriend -Kouyou? ...- then called the brunette, waiting for Uruha to join them.

-Coming ...- hesitantly spoke the honey blond, as he quickly took a galnce at his parents, and was deeply hit by the perplexed and reluctant expression on his parents aged features, who were still looking at him questioning, and confused. Never until that precise instant, as he hesitantly resumed his walk to join the other two, had he realized how much he seemed to treasure and and almost depend on his parents opinion, their caring actions; to cherish them. And now he was at a complete loss, because, differently from any of his friends' family, and he was sure, from many other families around him, he knew he had the best parents that he could ever wish for, and he knew that what he was about to get himself into, was going to bring nothing but displeasure, disappointment, and even most likely rejection from them.

Aoi, for example, his long time childhood friend, had never even ones had a decent relationship with his own father. The man, too absorbed in his wealth and well-being, needed his wife and son, as a mere image, the portrait of the perfect Japanese family; a competent and very skilled housewife, and a bright and admirable son, even though, it was known to almost everyone, that the man continuously cheated on his wife, and was probably not even ashamed of it.

Aoi hadn't exactly turned out to be the smartest of kids, and his father never could get over such relatively important detail. And the child had tried, he'd tried so hard, but simply wasn't as smart as other kids, and there wasn't day, he wouldn't hate himself, for being the dumb kid that he was, for not being what his father wanted him to be, and no matter what Uruha used to try to tell him, there was really nothing he could say, to amend the pain caused by being the cause of one own parent's disappointment.

With the passage of time, realizing that he couldn't, and just wouldn't be what his father wanted him to be, he tried to find other things he could excel at, something he could be number one in, and soccer was one of those. Aoi was in fact an admirable soccer player, and he had received all sorts of scholarships, even for overseas programs. However, none of all of his hard-worked achievements, seemed to have even ever reached his father's ears, whom had long decided to limit his involvement in paying for the upbringing of the child; the maintenance of his perfect picture.

Then there was Courtney, who had to move to Japan, with her younger sister, and mother, who remarried with another of their towns prominent and wealthy personalities. In a mere four years, she forced herself to learn a completely new language, absorb an entirely different culture, and work extremely hard to be accepted by the ever conservative family of the man, and the society itself. Most of her new family member to this day still consider her as an intruder, and outsider, someone, who doesn't belong and shouldn't be there.

However, she proved to be as smart and determined as she had declared, and in no time, ranked second, after Ruki, in almost all classes and national examinations, granting her the position in the school representative board, and other academic privileges. But the bitterness, and disgust in having a foreigner being better than the people of the place itself, was still well seated in most of the people's hearts around her.

And last, but not least, Ruki, the only other being who, alongside his parents, had a strong hold on his heart. The brunette had a rather similar experience to Aoi's, however in his his case, there had been a period in his life, where even though they weren't as rich as others were, him, his father and mother were a happy family, so he had explained. However, once his father had lost his humble job as a office-man, one day, his mother suddenly packed up and left. Ruki was merely nine at the time, and ever since, his father had lost faith in everything and everyone.

He never turned into an desperate alcoholic, and never touched or harmed Ruki in anyway, simply, it appeared as if the child might have as well be gone, such as his mother. To the brunette's father Ruki didn't exist, period. Thus, after he was able to find a job as a factory worker, he limited himself to provided for Ruki's basic needs, all for the simple purpose of keep social workers away, and avoid adding more shame and disgrace to his family name.

Thus, who was he, to even dare complaining about anything? What right had he had to even be amongst those, who through their entire lives had done nothing but worked so hard to achieve anything in their life? and most of all, in the eventuality he were to face with the decision of choosing among the three people, who felt he loved more than life itself, how was he going to decided? What was he supposed to do, what was the supposedly right thing to do? Choose the comfort and gratuity of his parents love and the worlds acceptance, while loosing the love of his life, and by doing so denying and rejecting, who himself really was. Or siding and loving Ruki, living for what he truly was, no lies, no hiding, while losing all he hadn't really worked hard for, but which he still was entitled to and so deeply cared about?

As they entered the auditorium, he recognized some of Yutaka's henchmen, giving out booklets at the entrance, and as he swiftly picked one, he then followed Aoi, who had spotted Ruki and his father, silently standing, amongst other groups of families, being that all the chairs had been taken.

-Here we are ...- whispered the taller brunette, smiling at the shorter, who replied with a rather wide one, which however, to Uruha at least, seemed nothing but forced. The shorter brunette attempted the same smiling number with Uruha, who still finding himself in his own vortex of emotional dilemma, replied as well with nothing like, but supposedly, a reassuring smile, as his parents joined him, his mother on his left, his father on his right.

Merely a couple of people, mainly his parents and his friends, were separating Uruha from Ruki, but as it was, and the way he felt at the moment, they could have been on two different planets, and the feeling of immense and painful distance, would have been the same. The honey blond didn't dare make a move towards the younger, even though that was all he wanted to. He wasn't sure of exactly what kind of reaction he could have had, not too sure of what kind of reaction he was willing to display, as he tried to somehow, quickly think of a way he could have salvage them from what hadn't yet happened, and what they yet didn't know, but was was surely going to be disastrous for the both of them.

Then, the doors were closed, and a group of adults, comprising the PTA board, Yutaka's mother as the head, some instructors, and the headmaster walked on the stage, and took their seats, behind two separate podiums, as the ever disturbing loud whispering of the wondrous crowd began its quietening routine, and finally turned into silence at the ending appearance of Yutaka, who calmly directed himself towards one of the podiums. The young brunette, who was proudly standing behind his podium, composedly adjusted the microphone on it, and looking up to a determinate spot in the auditorium, he nodded his head, and at the back of the auditorium, a white projector was lowered from the ceiling, soon after projecting an enlarged image of Yutaka on it.

-Good morning, and welcome to all our honorable parents and instructors, our respectable parent-teacher association, and my dear fellow student- commenced the brunette in a moderate tone, and merely his opening greetings had been enough to set Uruha's blood on fire. Such hypocrisy, after all he had done, to Ruki, and so many others during his years in the institution, how dare he acted like he gave two shits about any of his dear fellow students, and all the others he so elegantly mentioned.

-I deeply thank all of you for accepting the invitation I had sent during this well deserved break weekend, and also would like to newly apologize to those few families, to whom I personally went and extend the invitation - continued the brunette, in a confident and unwavering manor -and before I commence my speech, which is actual going to be a debate, since I am sure you all have noticed this second podium ... - he then paused extending his hand towards said object, as the crowd resumed a low whispering wondering the subject of the argument, in the same way the faculty and the PTA committee was now confabulating among each other, as the camera showed Yutaka's mother displaying a rather serious expression.

-I would like to call on the second debater … an outstanding student of this institution, our graduating class and school head representative, Matsumoto Takanori, to please join me on this stage at this moment -

Like a mob of confused sunflowers, the whole crowd instantly and randomly turned their heads in the general direction of the whole auditorium, intently searching amongst themselves for the one called person, whom was known to approximately a third of the crowd, and whom perhaps the other two thirds had heard of. Uruha's gaze, such as the one of all the people who effectively knew Ruki, swiftly landed on the brunette, who stood unmoving, silently gazing at the stage, his eyes lightly widened, as his image now appeared on the projector, along side some of the people around him.

-You don't have to go ...- whispered Aoi, who was still intently glaring at Yutaka on the stage.

-I...- hesitantly replied the shorter, who seemed rather confused on what he was supposed to do next, and just as Uruha, for some reason he himself couldn't quite explain, was hoping what followed next wouldn't happen, the brunette rather quickly, and almost instinctively turned towards him instead, his expression absent, his eyes unreadable, as the sunflower-crowd, thanks to the projector, was now facing them; facing Ruki.

-Matsumoto-kun? ...- called the brunette once more, as well spotting the younger, as he followed the direction in which all the heads were now revolved towards -... please ... -

Ruki hesitantly and quickly glanced at all the plain staring faces, after which he returned his gaze to Uruha, who hadn't bothered in trying to shape his features into his usual trained blank expression, and feeling distraught, infuriated and confused, he didn't dare to imagine what his face looked like at the moment.

-As I said, let's just go- reinforced Aoi looking down at the brunette- maybe Uruha was right from the start, maybe … it is not worth all of this ...- he then nervously concluded

-Yes, this is too much, we don't even know what he plans to do, Ruki ...- added Courtney, who stood unmoving, her head averting all the looks, as she tried to look at the the shorter, who didn't seem to have acknowledge not a single word that he had just been told, as he kept staring at Uruha, as if wanting to hear him say something, anything. As if asking the taller, to tell him what he wanted him to do.

And all that Uruha, to his own horror and disbelief, could manage to do, was slowly, almost imperceptibly, shake his head in negation, his eyes horrifyingly staring at the brunette, his expression as well unreadable, his mind shouting … Don't go …

but no actual word was spoken, no movement was made. He felt like a statue, somehow unable to control his movements, around the couple that gave him birth, which was now looking at him even more questioning, and he most have apparently looked like he was acting indifferently, for the younger, merely lowered his gaze, and with a faint smile slowly turning away, he began his walk towards the stage.

4 PART 2