"Singularity" Chapter 28: "Sugar and Spice" [28/49]
Title: "Singularity" Chapter 28: "Sugar and Spice" [28/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,603
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
"Finally I'm like the real Dorothy -- wearing slippers! Only mine are pink instead of ruby." Ellie sighed contentedly from one of her favorite places to be: nestled in Joel's arms on the lumpy old couch that they pretended was his bed. Joel was idly caressing her, alternating between her hair and her arm.
"Yours are much better," Joel said lightly.
She grinned up at him. "Still lusting after the bunnies, huh? We have to find you a pair!" She had been threatening to do that for a long time...
"Too bad they didn't make goofy shit like that in my size." Said with a pang of longing, even.
Ha! "Says who? I bet they did. Your feet aren't ginormous. Oh! Maybe we can put in a request for some, since the military's kissing our asses now!"
Joel snorted. "That ain't what they're doin'."
"Then what would you call it?" Maria had told her all about the extra stuff they'd been getting. It sounded like a pretty fucking sweet deal.
"Hmm. Groomin', maybe."
"What? Really?" That made her think of Caleb and Parker. How could it apply to a whole town? But she could tell Joel wasn't trying to be funny. "You just love using that word, for some reason. It doesn't make sense, though. You said it's when an older person sort of... molds a younger person into what they want. Right?"
"Basically."
"So... you're equating Jackson to a naïve young person, in this scenario?"
"I s'pose I am."
"Pffff. Tommy's not that much younger than you." Maria was even younger... still old, though. Well beyond what Ellie would have considered 'grooming' territory, based on things Joel had said. I missed her birthday, too! She's thirty-five now!
"I think they might actually see what's comin' down the pike," Joel said thoughtfully (and Ellie still didn't know what a pike was, when it wasn't a fish). "They just either don't care, or don't see another option."
"Oh yeah? So what's the pike doing, and what's the Joel solution?" she smirked.
Joel chuckled. "Ain't got one handy. I just think I would've tried to put it off longer. Maybe come up with somethin' else in the meantime."
"Put what off? Getting nice shit?"
"The military takin' over."
OH. If that's what he believed was going on, she could understand why he was so negative about the whole thing -- and it was utterly predictable that he would take the most cynical outlook possible. "You really think that's what they're doing?" ...What did Tommy tell him that Maria didn't tell ME?
"Eventually. Yes."
Ellie frowned. "I dunno. Why wouldn't they just do it, then? Why wait?"
"Sometimes it's best to do things in stages," Joel replied smoothly, like he'd already answered the question in his head before. "Big company takes over a smaller one, they don't just roll in there an' kick out the current regime right away. Not if they're smart. They tell everyone it's business as usual so there's no panic... an' no uprisin'. They learn shit from the people who are still there. Then they start makin' their changes... little by little, 'til they get exactly what they want."
Ellie was still dubious. "They've been nothing but nice to us, from what I hear. They're not trying to kick anyone out. You're talking about businesses -- that's old world stuff."
"It could still apply here. I think it's real easy for them to give us shiny new things when they expect us to... just take those things an' make the town better for them in the long run. They ain't really givin' anythin' away, see. Not when it all comes back to them in the end."
"Shiny things? You mean like the new paint?"
"New things in general. But yes, that's one."
"Okay but don't even pretend you're not excited about that. I've heard you bitch multiple times about how sucky it is to build something, or repair something on a house, knowing it won't last the way it should cuz you can't paint it and prime it and whatever else you wanna do to it. ...Oooo that sounded kinda dirty there at the end..."
"Sounds like it'll be nicer, sure. But I wouldn't say I'm... excited."
"Not yet, maybe," she purred, squiggling up to give him a kiss. "Maybe we should go to bed before you get too tired..."
"Young lady. Are you tryin' to seduce me to get out of answerin' my question from earlier?" Joel accused.
"Noooooo... would I do that?" she asked sweetly.
"Mmhmm." But he did indulge her with a couple of lingering kisses before speaking again. "I've missed this. Jus' sittin' with you like this."
"Me too. It's been soooooo long!" Not that they hadn't cuddled elsewhere. It had just been a really long time since they'd sat together on their own sofa in their own house. Since a couple weeks before they'd left Jackson. Ellie had forgotten that there used to be a board over their bedroom window; the window had been replaced before they even left (Joel did it himself, if she remembered correctly?), but they had moved their essential stuff to Tommy and Maria's -- where it still remained, because Joel and Tommy had only bothered to bring over the bags from their trip. Ellie kind of wished she could have seen how the two of them managed to juggle all that shit that Fox had been carrying, because Joel said they'd made it in one trip. Actually, she wished she'd stuck around to help, considering how things had turned out for her. Why had she been in such a hurry to get to the farm? She sighed. "Joel, don't ever change, okay?"
"I'm pretty old an' set in my ways by now, so don't worry." He smiled and kissed her nose.
"You'd better be. At least in the ~ways~ that include me."
He gave her a squeeze. "What's wrong, kiddo?"
What's wrong... hmmm... maybe nothing? Ellie knew she was probably overreacting. "Nothing. I mean, it's just me. It's stupid."
"Well, what's wrong with you, then?" he prodded gently. "Talk to me."
Part of her just wanted to forget everything and lose herself in physical pleasures instead... Joel probably wouldn't mind not talking right now, either... but he really did seem to want to know what had possessed her to run off like she had. "I think you predicted this. Didn't you point out that Emerald City wasn't home? And that's where we are now -- the Emerald City."
"...Don't it feel like home to you? You homesick for California?"
"Yes -- and no -- er... I mean, our house? Sure, it's home. Tommy and Maria's was a little weird, but I was expecting that. I kind of miss the beach, and some of the people, but... I don't know about homesick. I don't feel... I'm not sick or anything." She knew 'homesickness' didn't necessarily refer to illness, but it sounded like a worse condition than just missing a place once in a while.
"All right, so what was it you weren't expectin'? You ready to tell me what happened at the farm?"
"So Annie didn't tell you anything," she deduced from that. He would've mentioned the other girl by now if he knew!
"Only that you forgot your belt."
"I told you -- I didn't forget it!"
"Well, she didn't tell me you... 'couldn't get to it'. Care to explain that one now?"
"Okay, so, when I got there, Esther answered the door. She said Annie was in the back room." Ellie paused.
"And... she wasn't?"
"She was."
"So... ?"
"What she failed to mention was that there was another girl there, too. And Joel -- they were sewing." She made sure her tone conveyed just how egregious she considered the activity.
"Horrors," Joel remarked dryly. "That sounds just awful."
She swatted him. "It was! Like... all Annie wanted to talk about was her stupid dress! And how awesome this stupid girl is!"
"Does this stupid girl have a name?"
"Meredith," Ellie spat out like the rotten thing that it was.
"And you don't like her," Joel surmised.
"No!"
"Why not? Was she mean? ...Rude?"
"No."
"Obnoxious in any way?"
"No -- she was nice. Maybe just fake-nice, though. I couldn't tell."
"So... you don't like her 'cause she's a friend of Annie's. A friend who sews. Is that right?"
"That sounds really lame, when you put it like that -- you don't get it! If you had seen the two of them--"
"You're jealous, is what I'm sayin'," Joel cut in. "You think Annie shouldn't have any friends except you. That this whole winter, she should've--"
"Nooooo! Of course she can have other friends. She does have other friends besides me! I mean she did before, even!"
"Okay, calm down." He kissed her forehead. "I didn' mean to make you sound like the bad guy. It's natural for you to feel jealous... if you feel like this Meredith girl is tryin' to take your place."
"She did take my place -- literally! Esther called us over for pie, and the bitch told Esther to go sit cuz she would take care of everything -- such a suck-up -- and then when she was done, she sat in my chair at the table!"
Joel absorbed that for a moment. "Was there nowhere else for you to sit?"
Seriously?! "That's not the point! Annie didn't even tell her to move. Like she wanted her to sit there, right next to her. Or she completely forgot that it's where I always sit." Hmm, which one is worse?
"All right, but... in the end, it's just a damn chair. Maybe that's where this... Meredith girl sits, since you've been gone."
"She took my place," Ellie gritted out. "And of course Annie likes her better than me. Why wouldn't she? I never helped her like... discover a new hobby. I never did sewing and stuff with her."
"Mm. Unless you count fixin' a button here'n'there, you never did that with me, either. I still like you all right."
She swatted him harder. "Because you don't give a fuck about sewing!"
"Sewing and stuff. Don't forget the stuff."
Does he HAVE to be so infuriating right now?! "I'm sorry I told you, if you're just gonna be a dick about it," she huffed. THAT should make him say--
"I'm sorry," he said, although he was still a bit too amused for Ellie's liking. "Just tryin' to make you smile. And maybe to make you see that it don't have to be the end of the world."
"I didn't say it was the end of the world," she said crossly, plucking idly at his shirt.
"What I still don't get is why you had to leave your guns there."
He was waiting for her to explain... and this was the part that was harder to justify. "Fine," she sighed. "Have you ever been some place, a place you used to love, and you stand there and it hits you -- you realize you can't stand being-- or, no -- that you're not supposed to be there? Like it's just all wrong? So then you have to leave. Immediately." She glanced at him.
He had a blank look on his face. "Uh... can't say that I have. Maybe that's a girl thing."
She rolled her eyes. "You've never wanted to leave anywhere? Never felt uncomfortable? Out of place?" That didn't encompass the whole feeling, but...
"Sure. Any time we stumbled into some hunters' camp, or a bunch of--"
"Besides that!" she groaned. "Take out the danger part. I mean like... emotionally."
"All right, well... sometimes I just wanna be alone with you..." He hitched her up a little to nip at her neck.
That response, at least, made her smile, even though essentially it didn't answer the question. He can be really sweet when he wants to be! "Okay then."
He pulled her fully into his lap. "But that ain't what you described a second ago. And it don't explain the guns."
She settled her arms around his neck. I can't hide from him so easily here, but at least I can distract him with kisses if I get tired of talking about this? "You know that back room that has pretty much nothing in it? Now it's full of sewing crap. That's where I left my guns to go eat pie. Only I never actually ate the pie because... I just had to go. So I made excuses -- I said I had people to go visit -- and I found my backpack on the way to the door and that made me remember I left my guns back there, but Esther was already suspicious of me leaving in a hurry like that and she was asking if I was sure I was okay and stuff, so obviously I couldn't just go back there."
"Obviously," he agreed -- looking confused.
She sighed again. "Because she was already coming out to check on me and she would've like... cornered me if I went back in that room, and it would've been soooo awkward, especially if the other two joined in! Just -- no thank you. I figured I'd just go sneak in and get them in the morning or something. Possibly without you even noticing I didn't have them," she added sheepishly.
"I see."
"Do you? Do you get it now?"
"Why would you have to be sneaky? Couldn't you just go back an' say--"
"What, talk to them again? Let them humiliate me some more?"
"...How did they humiliate you?"
"By making it so clear I don't belong there anymore!" Duh!
"So... they were hostile."
"No! It wasn't anything... blatant like that."
"They just made you feel unwelcome," he amended.
"Well... not exactly... they were all nice to me. I'm just an idiot, okay? Can we leave it at that?"
"No." He tweaked her nose. "You're not an idiot. You're just... oversensitive. Maybe a little paranoid."
"Paranoid? I barely even got to talk to Annie," she complained.
"Maybe if you hadn't've left so fast... -Wait. You mean to tell me you didn't even eat the pie?"
"Nope. I just left."
"Damn. This is more serious than I thought. My Ellie would never pass up one of Esther's pies." He held the back of his hand to her forehead. "You sure you ain't comin' down with somethin'?"
"Very funny. I did tell her to save my slice, though."
"Aha. So you do plan on goin' back for another visit."
"I wanted to in the morning, but-- fuck, I didn't even tell you! This is the worst part -- Meredith is spending the night over there."
Joel gasped in mock horror at that.
"It's not funny! She's helping Annie do chores -- so now they have sewing and farm stuff in common."
"I'm sorry you have to spend the night with me instead," he said solemnly, tugging her in for a kiss. "I'll try to make it up to you..."
"Oooo I like the sound of that," she giggled as he nipped at her neck again. "I wasn't going to sleep down there myself, silly. But you know... if Annie really wanted to talk to me, she could've tried harder."
He pulled back to look at her. "She came all the way up here to bring back your belt, didn't she?"
Ellie snorted. "Yeah, and I bet she did that so she wouldn't have to see me tomorrow -- she probably thought I'd come back to get it. And why did she even come here when I told her I was going to go visit some more people? She knew I wasn't here!"
Joel chuckled. "You are paranoid. I reckon she thought you might've been fibbin' about visitin' other people. She truly seemed disappointed when I told her you weren't here. Don't worry, I didn't blow your cover. I said I knew you'd gone to see her but didn' know where else you were goin' after that. Wasn't even a lie."
Given her abrupt exit, and the fact that Annie wasn't a moron, Ellie supposed she'd have to 'fess up, the next time she saw her... but I don't wanna think about that right now. "Thanks, I guess. So... why didn't you just wait for me to come home?"
"I did. ...For all of two minutes," he admitted. "I didn't like the thought of you bein' out there without a gun, for one thing. And... I thought you might be upset or somethin'. Since she said you lit outta there in a hurry."
"Awww. You're so sweet, Joel. -Shut up -- you are! So how did you find me?"
He smiled. "I used my... internal Ellie homin' device."
She gave him a look. "No, really."
"Library was the logical choice. Figured you'd find some of your friends there. I didn't see you. The library lady told me you... helped Justin find a book? And that she hadn't seen you since. I know you've hidden in that room before--"
"I wasn't hiding!"
"-- and it was really the only place you could be, unless you gave her the slip. So that reunion went a little better, hm?"
"...Reunion?" With the magazine room?!
"With your friend in the library," he clarified.
"Oh, it was the other Justin." She wasn't really friends with either of them, but she knew teenage Justin was the one Joel meant. She didn't feel like telling Joel why she had approached the guy, though. His Joel brain wouldn't get that I couldn't just go right to the back room to hide with everyone watching-- ...Actually, that did seem a little silly, now that she thought about it. It wasn't like anyone would have gone and bothered her in there. And even if they did, so what? Whatever -- in this case, the surface layer of truth would suffice: "He seemed a little lost so I helped him out. He was totally in the wrong section."
But she got the feeling Joel hadn't heard a word beyond "other Justin." "The other one? The one you said you wanted to sleep with."
"What? I never said that!" she cried.
"Oh yes you did. Remember that night Clicker almost caught us?"
She remembered: Clicker had overheard her saying something incriminating, and they'd had to think fast to cover it up. "Yeah, but I didn't say anything about him -- about Justin!"
"Yes you did -- you said if he'd been the other choice in our fake 'would you rather' game, that I wouldn't stand a chance," Joel recited so perfectly that it jogged Ellie's memory.
"Ohhhh I remember now!" she giggled. "I did say that. Because I was trying to throw Clicker off track!" And make you a little jealous at the same time... It hadn't really worked, though. He'd just gotten kind of pissy.
"We'd already accomplished that by then, as I recall."
"But you know he didn't totally buy it!" And that seed of doubt had only served to lend credibility to the rumors that surfaced later; people knew that she and Clicker were good friends, and he wasn't even convinced, so... yeah. "I'm surprised you even remember. You act like your memory sucks but then you pull stupid little things like this out of there! Has it been bothering you all these months?" she teased.
"Yes. Terribly."
"Aww." She kissed him sweetly. "You were annoyed that I knew he was twenty-eight, too. Well, he might be twenty-nine by now -- I have no idea, you'll be happy to know."
"All right."
"...All right? That's it?!"
"That's it."
"Pfff. You're really bad at this." She leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You're supposed to make me work a little harder to convince you."
"Convince me of what?" he murmured... and she could tell he was just playing dumb.
"That you're the only one I want," she breathed before suckling his earlobe. She loved how she could practically feel the resulting shiver ripple through his body whenever she did it!
"I already know that. You don't gotta prove it." He was clearly trying to sound nonchalant, but Ellie knew he was enjoying himself.
And she was enjoying his hands roving over her back. "Don't you want me to prove it?" she breathed on his neck, nipping it the way he'd just done to hers.
"Eh... nope. I'm good. Thank you."
She jerked her head up to glare at his smirking face. "Liar!" She proceeded to whale on him with both fists -- or, rather, she pretended to, just to elicit a reaction (she could actually hurt him if she wasn't careful).
"Hey -- easy!" He laughed and cowered from her, ducking his head and covering it with his hands. But he didn't try to stop her.
"Take it back! I'm not stopping until you take it back!" She continued with the light blows to his arms and shoulders... and he just sat there.
"Take what back?"
Okay, time to up the hurt-- "Don't -- play -- dumb -- with -- me!"
He endured her pseudo-beatdown for longer than she'd expected him to, laughing... not apologizing or taking back what he'd said. The second she started to let up a little, he made her pay for it: he grabbed her arms, slid his hands up to her wrists, pushed her off his lap and onto the couch, then pinned her with her wrists over her head. All in like... two seconds.
Now she was the one laughing -- and squirming. "Heyyy! No fair-- you're s'posed to-- noooo, stop!" She turned her head when he tried to kiss her. "You have to take it baaaaaaack!"
He dove in for her neck instead. "No I don't. You've got no cause for complaint -- I just did exactly what you wanted me to."
She tried to ignore the pleasant warmth swelling inside her, courtesy of his lips on her flesh... the weight of his body on hers. "Nooooo -- I wanted you to apologize! And to be sweet!"
"Too bad." He pulled up just enough to look at her. "So what were you gonna tell me before... that you said you'd tell me later if I was sweet?"
She giggled. "Well I'm sure as fuck not gonna tell you now, am I!"
He let go of her wrists, but flattened himself over her... all dead-weight-like, so she still couldn't move much. "Sorry... I'll be nice now," he murmured as he nuzzled her cheek.
"Still not telling you," she said stubbornly. Actually, she'd pretty much already told him... he just didn't realize it!
"Mm... that's all right... I reckon we're done talkin' now, don't you think?"
She didn't protest this time when he kissed over to her lips. "Mmmaybe..." Her arms returned to their former position around his neck.
"You forgive me? Hm?" He pressed his lips gently to hers.
She pretended to ponder the matter. "I dunno... I do kinda like the way you're crushing me right now..."
"You always seem to like it, for some strange reason." More little kisses.
"Same reason I like it when you 'squeeze me as hard as you can' -- cuz it's nice being as close as possible?"
He wasn't leaning so heavily on her, now that he was resting his forearms on either side of her head. "Except you ain't really any closer if you're already in my arms. It's just an illusion, see."
"Then... it's just fun being squished? I guess?"
"If you say so."
She smiled wickedly. "You're right, about the closeness -- and there's only one way to get any closer." She tugged his face to hers... his mouth... she parted her lips and his tongue immediately slipped between them, like it had been waiting for the invitation. She kissed him deeply, eagerly... and for some reason, she was reminded of the early days of their romance -- even though she'd kissed him a million times since then. She broke off the kiss and sighed happily. "Remember when this is pretty much all we did?"
"Uh... which time?"
"No, I mean like... in general! We'd just kiss and kiss... until you couldn't stand it anymore..."
Joel chuckled. "Sounds bad when you put it like that. Like I wasn't into it or somethin'."
"Haha... and really it was the opposite!" She wriggled her outside leg free so she could coil it around him. "You couldn't stand it anymore because if we kept going, you would just have to rip my clothes off and... and fuck my brains out!" (She still thought that was kind of a dumb expression, even if she did rather like it.)
"Whereas now... I can just go ahead an' rip your clothes off an' fuck your brains out?"
Oooo he's giving me the SEXY smile! "Yes! Exactly! Just hearing you say that..." She gave an exaggerated shudder. "Total turn-on."
"It is, huh?" He sounded dubious. Adorably dubious.
"It is for you, too," she cooed, pulling his ear to her lips so she could purr into it again -- and because she didn't trust herself not to giggle if she said this to his face: "If I tell you I want you to fuck me..." She knew he liked it when she said that, even if he wouldn't admit it. And she... hadn't really been going there lately. It's still OUR THING, though... She squeezed with her free leg to meld her groin to his. "Mm... yep... total turn-on..."
He did that chuckle-groan thing that she adored so much. "I think it's time we go christen our bed."
"Christen it?" She'd certainly had a lot of fun 'christening' various places in their suite at Golden Sands. "You mean like... cuz we haven't had actual sex in it before?"
"Yep." He lifted his head and kissed her nose. "You did say the river would be all dried up by the time we got home... ?"
She snickered. "My aunt has gone home, yes."
"You go on. I'll lock up."
She smiled at him fondly as he slithered away from her and stood up. "The door's already locked. You mean you'll check the door and all the windows ten times... just in case." Although doing so hadn't stopped some asshole from chucking that rock through one of their windows last year!
"Once each. Not ten times."
She didn't feel like going to the bedroom without Joel, so she just lay there, watching him move around the room... and wishing she could snap her fingers to become magically clad in something irresistibly sexy. I guess I could just... start getting naked?
But she just kept watching him. Listening, when he moved out of sight. She could still 'see' every move he made, because she could imagine his routine perfectly. Even after all these months away. Of course, he'd done similar checks on their trip, so this wasn't a habit he had to relearn. He's so fucking... SENSIBLE. Just ONCE, could he actually get so caught up in the moment that he DOES pretty much rip my clothes off and fuck me right then and there?! Without thinking 'hey I better go check the windows and turn off the lights first'... and, 'bedtime routine' distraction aside, was Joel actually capable of that brand of passion? She wasn't a virgin anymore. They'd had plenty of sex. But he was still always so concerned about her being ready...
Fuck... what the hell, Ellie? Are you seriously annoyed that he doesn't just... GO for it... when the reason he doesn't is cuz he fucking LOVES you and doesn't wanna hurt you? ...Unless that wasn't the real reason. Maybe if I was sexier, he'd--
NO. Stop that! she commanded herself. She knew Joel was attracted to her... which meant he did think she was sexy. He was just a nice guy. And what did she want from him anyway -- did she want him to act like... like Shelby?
Of course that's not what she wanted. And Joel would be conscious of that... of her bad experiences. He always had been. As if he might accidentally say or do something to make her flash back to something unpleasant. Just-- uggghhhhh, I don't know!
What was it Sophie had said to her, on one of their many 'girl talk' walks in the surf... when Ellie had broached the topic of sex allegedly becoming boring after a while -- because she'd heard things to that effect, and it didn't make sense to her. She and Joel had been having sex for a really long time -- like a couple months, by then? -- and while some times were better than others, she was never bored. Sophie had said something about sex getting to be routine and just not as exciting as it was in the beginning... which Ellie supposed was maybe kind of true... and then Sophie had encouraged her to talk to Joel if she ever wanted to try doing things differently. To 'spice things up.' (Everything did taste a little better with the right spices!) However, Ellie hadn't had any specific ideas in mind, and she didn't really think Joel was getting bored. She sure as hell wasn't, but Joel's satisfaction was way more important than her own. After all, she already knew that she would never leave him... and as much as she did truly trust Joel, she could never be a hundred percent certain that he wouldn't leave.
Hmmm... is this the sort of thing Sophie meant? Joel thought I was joking -- I mean, it WAS pretty much a joke, the way I said it -- but really I kinda wish he WOULD just not be so fucking careful all the time, and just fuck me fast and furious without all the build-up? Just once? THAT would be different... and SPICY... ha! But... thinking back to that time when they had pretended to be other people -- Joel referred to it as role-playing, although she wasn't sure whose role it was that she'd been playing, exactly? -- that had been so fun partly because it had just sort of happened. They hadn't planned it. Joel was all into like... being natural and stuff, not playing games (...in retrospect, she was rather amazed he'd gone along with it for so long, really). He would think I'm crazy if I--
"What is goin' through that head of yours?" Joel was standing in front of the couch now, peering down at her with amusement.
She hoped whatever expression she'd had on her face just then hadn't already told him too much. "Nothing! I mean... nothing important." She reached for him and smiled. "Carry me? Please?"
"You are so spoiled," he grumbled.
"I am," she agreed, hugging his neck while he gathered her in his arms. "Don't even pretend you don't like spoiling me!"
"Who says I like it?"
"You do!" she giggled. "Wait -- I'll be nice and get the light, though -- if you walk me over there -- good, you already got the kitchen one..." Since for some reason he hadn’t turned on the bedroom lamp when he was in there, they were plunged into darkness once she switched off the living room light. "Oooops! Well, hey, it's like we're still on the road. Except we have running water again. Hot running water! Fuck, I've missed that. Hey -- maybe we should take a shower together now? Instead of going to bed?"
"All right. Or how about a nice warm bath?" he suggested.
"Ooooo good idea -- we can christen the tub! ...You can put me down if you want," she offered, since he was moving super slowly in the dark.
"I can do it." Like she'd offended him. "Just have to remember where all the walls are again."
The appliance lights would help with that somewhat. "I'll steer you!"
"You'll steer me into a wall on purpose, you mean, an' then get mad at me for--"
"No I won't!" she laughed -- even though she had indeed done that on occasion. But then another thought occurred-- "Oh fuck -- Joel, I'm sorry!" She wriggled free of his grip and dropped to her feet.
"For what?"
"I'm such a selfish asshole. Lemme go get the lamp..." She could hear Joel following as she made her way into the bedroom (which had only been a few more steps away).
"Why's that?"
She didn't answer him until she'd switched on the bedside lamp. "Cuz your ankle! I should be carrying you!"
Joel arched an eyebrow at her. "My ankle? Ellie, come on, it's been weeks. I've carried all kinds of--"
"But nothing as heavy as me, and I know it still bothers you. You just won't admit it." She plopped down on the edge of the bed.
"No it don't."
"See?!"
"...See what?"
"You won't admit it!"
He sat beside her. Kissed her temple and rubbed her back. "You worry too much. I do need to thank you, though, for not tellin' my brother about the day it happened."
Ellie snorted. "It's not a day I care to think about. Ever." Especially the way it had ended. Besides, with both trips to discuss, plus all the months in between, there had been plenty of other stories to tell.
"Neither is Sacramento, and we told 'em all about that."
She rolled her eyes. "Well, duh, is there anything else you'd pick to answer 'What was the worst thing that happened on the road'?"
"Guess not." He gave her a side squeeze.
"You guess? What else even comes close?" Maybe he’s blocked it out somehow… he still has nightmares about it, though!
"Bad as it was, at least it had a happy ending. The day Spirit left was pretty bad."
You mean the day we LOST him... but it was nice of him to put it that way; it was how she liked to think of it, too. Spirit is free now... She leaned into Joel. "Cuz me and Sophie were biting each other's heads off, right?"
"And you were real upset."
"Well, okay, yeah. That too. But we made it worse for you." She grinned up at him. "How did you stand being around two girls for so long? Two girls and no other dudes."
Joel heaved a long-suffering sigh. "It was a real hardship. Not sure how I got through it, to be honest."
"Yeah, yeah." Ellie leaned in hard enough to qualify as a shove. "It was better when we had two girls and two guys, huh. You and Paul... I've never seen you like someone so fast. And Karma's like... ten times tougher than Sophie."
"Mm."
Oh shit... that was stupid, bringing them up... last time he got all dad-like and weird for some reason-- "Soooooo do you wanna go get reacquainted with our bathtub now?" she asked brightly. She stood up and tugged on his arm before he could answer.
But he resisted her efforts to pull him to his feet. "On second thought... no." He pulled her back into his lap -- only this time, she was straddling him.
"No? Why not?"
"I reckon we should give the daddy long legs one last hurrah in there."
"Shit, I forgot!" Even though she had just seen the spiders like an hour ago. "I wonder if Clicker still has his pet ones. Eww."
"Maybe the girlfriend made him get rid of 'em."
Why did I bring up Clicker? PLEASE don't start teasing me about being jealous again! "Those things are creepy as fuck. I don't know why you won't just kill them." She hadn't killed them, either, but only because Joel had told her not to.
Joel nuzzled her neck. "I'm a gentle soul."
She burst out laughing. "Ha! Oh my God. If there's one thing you are definitely not..."
He leaned back, taking her with him, one hand tangling itself in her hair as he pulled her face to his for a kiss. "Haven't I always been gentle with you?"
She snickered. "That doesn't count! What I'm saying is... you're not exactly the he-would-never-hurt-a-fly type. You're... the opposite of that." ...But holy fuck -- talk about a perfect opening! Would she ever have a better one?! If she could just... "You don't HAVE to be so gentle, you know..." she telepathed to him. Ugh, just SAY it already, bitch! ...but the words stuck in her throat, for some reason. ...Because he would think there's something wrong with me, if I said something weird like that? Obviously, there IS something wrong with me...
Joel gathered the one side of her hair in his hand but the other side kept falling in his face, even after she tried to tuck it behind her ear.
Which quite effectively pulled her back out of her head. "Fuck, my hair is annoying. Sorry."
He smiled. "How many times do I have to tell you--"
"You like it falling on you," she recited. When he had said his beard scratching her face was much worse than her hair falling in his face all the time, she had declared them even instead (she liked those whiskery kisses, damnit!).
But he rolled her over so that he was on top. "Better?"
"It's all good," she grinned. At least this way I can wrap my legs around him better... yesssss... "Except we have too many clothes on! What the fuck is wrong with us?" She started unbuttoning his shirt, even though he seemed to be trying to distract her from the task with kisses.
"I'm workin' on it," he murmured, and his hands smoothly tugged her shirt up (well, she had to arch her back and wriggle a bit to help him out, but other than that, it was smooth) and over her head. He planted little kisses from her breastbone all the way up to her lips.
"You just wanted to beat me," she accused. "I couldn't really do the buttons while you were doing that."
He just looked at her and smiled.
"What?" she wondered out loud; she didn't think she'd said anything exceptionally cute. She started fumbling with the buttons again.
And he just kept looking at her. More soberly now.
"What?!" she repeated, starting to feel a little self-conscious.
He smoothed her hair back. "Much as I hated the thought of comin' back here with one less horse... once again havin' to tell it to my brother..."
"Neither of those times were your fault!" she protested, surprised that his mind was still on the Spirit thing.
"Still. I thought to myself... it sure beats the alternative."
"The alternative being... what, one less human?"
"Mmhmm."
"Aww. -Wait -- but that was true, too! No Sophie!"
He kissed the smirk off her face. "You know what I mean. If you were... if you weren't with me, I don't think I'd've had it in me to ever show my face here again."
He's not just talking about disappointing Tommy... Ellie's heart melted. It was subtle, but she detected a twinge of shakiness in the words. Joel didn't get mushy on her very often -- if that even qualified as mushy? ...It does. On the Joel scale, any verbal sign of vulnerability counts. "Me neither. If it was reversed, I mean. Good thing we both made it home in one piece." She kissed him gently. "I love you soooo much."
He responded by kissing her deeply then... somehow tender and intense at the same time, making her head spin even though she was laying flat on her back... making her stomach do that awesome little flippy thing... how could I even for one SECOND entertain the thought of Joel not being passionate? He was sweet and spicy. At the same time. "Make love to me, Joel," she breathed in between kisses.
Because that was the whole point of having sex. Of being together... being intimate. And that was all she really wanted: to be loved.
* * * * * *
Ellie felt better about things in the morning. It had been really childish and immature of her to get upset about that Meredith girl. So what if Annie had a new friend? Ellie had Joel. Joel was better than a hundred friends. As long as she had him, she didn't give a fuck if no one in town ever spoke to her again. He was the meat... everyone else was just gravy. Watery gravy, at that. And they had survived their first night at home since the rock incident. Not only survived it, but had a pretty fucking good night, too.
As much as Ellie would have loved to laze about in bed with Joel all day, she knew it wouldn't happen. If she didn't show her face around town, some of those gravy people were bound to come hunt her down (because certainly everyone knew they were back by now), and besides that, Joel and Tommy had already discussed procuring the security cameras Joel wanted. And besides-besides that, Ellie wanted to see her nephew again! Yes, she was thinking of him as hers, not just Joel's... even though in Tommy and Maria's eyes, she and Grayson were more like cousins. Fuck that -- I'm Auntie Ellie! Even though it made her feel old... that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Joel was old, after all. -OldER, she still had to correct herself sometimes. There are people in this town like thirty years older than him -- THEY are old! In fact, by some miracle, Joel wasn't even on the top ten list of oldest people in Jackson. With the arrival of all the new people, maybe he'd gotten bumped down even further.
They decided to go to the store first, then go their separate ways for a while and meet up at Tommy and Maria's later. It was strange to think that they could actually set a specific time again, after so many months of having no idea what time it was, but they were both content to leave it as 'later.' Once they were incorporated back into the work schedule of their chosen jobs, they'd have to get more accustomed to exact times. Even so, time in Jackson was still a bit more relaxed than it had been back in Boston at Ellie's school, or back in Joel's old life when he'd had a so-called real job (Ellie thought the jobs in Jackson were very real, for the most part, but Joel insisted they weren't the same at all). Tommy had already asked Joel if he could take some guard shifts; one of the new guys 'wasn't working out.' (Whatever that meant.) The guard shifts were still short, at six hours apiece, so Joel said he didn't mind. Six hours seemed plenty long to Ellie when the job was as boring as guard duty. Patrol was at least a little more interesting...
Not that she was allowed to do either. Turning sixteen hadn't changed anything in that regard. It was so stupid! She'd killed shitloads of people, for fuck's sake -- sitting on her ass up in some gate tower was nothing by comparison. Joel agreed she was fully capable, yet somehow also agreed with the ridiculous age rule that said she wasn't. To console her, he would remind her how dreadfully bored she would be just sitting on her ass in said tower, and that did usually shut her up. (The one time she'd started to hint of the fun they could have working the same shift on the same gate, he'd shut it down the moment he saw the sly smile surfacing... or maybe it was the mischievous glint in her eye that had given her away.) (He really was no fun sometimes!)
One thing that had gotten longer in their absence: school days. That was a very recent development. Ellie still thought Jackson school was a bit of a joke, compared to Boston, but apparently there were more changes coming down that pike (ha) that might make it more like a so-called traditional school setting. Ellie didn't care what they did, as long as they didn't try to make her start going. She already knew everything she needed to know! And how would Joel feel about having a girlfriend who was still in school like a little kid?! Ugh!
Anyways, Clicker wasn't in school, either, but he was there every afternoon 'tutoring.' Or at least, he used to be. Maybe now that he has a girlfriend, all he wants to do is make out with her all the time? ...Ewww! They were only thirteen. Too young to have sex, at least. ...Right?! DOUBLE eww. Ellie couldn't remember if Alyssa was still in school or if she just hung out there a lot or what. Maybe she hangs out there to be around Clicker? How long has she had a crush on him? ...And what does HE see in HER, anyway? Ellie couldn't speculate about that with Joel because Joel would just use the question as more ammunition for his dumb "you're just jealous" argument. As it was, Ellie knew she was somewhat biased against Alyssa due to the fact that her brother Jacob was one of the biggest douchebags in town. Before Ellie had made an enemy of Jacob, she'd liked the little girl just fine. But... understandably, the girl had taken her brother's side, and she'd been somewhat hostile towards Ellie ever since. Alyssa probably believed at least one version of the rumors about her and Joel (and Ellie still thought Jacob and/or that cunt Christine were the most likely candidates to have started them). She knew that Clicker didn't believe that shit, though, so... I wonder if he and Alyssa fight about me? For some reason, she liked to think that they did. Not because she was jealous... no way! -but because Clicker was her friend, and friends stick up for each other. Maybe he's even managed to change her mind about me?
Ellie didn't want to just hang around the library again, so after Joel and Tommy headed out to do whatever they were going to do, she spent some time with Maria and Grayson, trying to be as helpful as she could. Ellie washed the breakfast dishes, fixed lunch for herself and Maria, helped out with some laundry (they had a working washing machine in their house now! which was good, because Ellie didn't really want to go to the laundromat and be reminded that Sophie wasn't around)... and she even got to burp the baby. After watching Maria change his diaper again, she asked if she could try it next time she was around; if she was going to babysit, she would need to feel comfortable with the task. Maria agreed.
She'd dawdled too long at the house to catch Clicker at lunch -- if he indeed was still eating with the school kids. She wanted to catch up with Paige at the library, but she didn't really want to go there 'til after story hour, so it was too early for that. And Max, according to his parents (whom she'd seen at the storehouse, since they were in charge of it), was escorting someone to the Idaho hospital, so visiting him was out... and besides, she knew Joel wouldn't want her to go out of her way to see him. Going to the farm was obviously out as well... and, despite the fact that she wasn't upset about it anymore, she couldn't pretend it didn't sting a little that Annie hadn't come up and tried to find her today. Which was stupid, of course, because Annie had farm chores and her friend Meredith was there and everything... I guess I should go back down there later and quit being a baby about the whole thing? But... not yet.
It was also stupid that she'd only been home for like twenty-four hours, and she was already feeling overwhelmed and out of sorts. Too many decisions! Not life and death decisions, of course, just... too many options. Less important things, more trivial things. Which SHOULD mean things are easier! So why didn't it feel that way?
Ellie decided to take that stroll around the lake that she hadn't taken the night before. It was a cloudy day, which was good, since she hadn't put on any sunscreen and didn't want to hear a lecture about it from Joel later (she knew she could still get burned through the clouds, but it wasn't nearly as bad). She saw several groups of people fishing, which was more than she was used to seeing. Even some in a canoe out in the middle of the lake. Tommy had mentioned something last night about people transplanting some fish from the river in the hopes of bringing up the numbers in the lake, but Ellie didn't see how that would work if people were just going to catch them all out of the lake instead. Maybe people waited a while before fishing again? Or maybe the fish breed really fast? They hadn't had time to discuss it in depth. Or anything in depth, really. The fishing people took no notice of her, and their presence didn't disrupt the calm she'd found in her leisurely walk. The only thing missing is Joel...
While she did enjoy being by herself at times, mostly it just made her wish that Joel was with her. Because being with him... is sort of like being by myself, only better? Because he's such a big PART of myself? Sometimes when she tried to explain such a feeling to Joel, she could swear he understood exactly what she meant... and other times, he seemed a little freaked out by it.
After one lap, all the way around, she figured she might as well head over to the school and see if she could pry Clicker away enough to at least say hi. And maybe see if he wanted to make a gaming date or something. Okay, not a DATE...
The school wasn't actually in a school building, because there weren't any within Jackson's walls. In the old world, the place had been a daycare... and the leftover decor reinforced the fact that schooling here was meant for younger kids. Ellie peeked through the little door window in each of the two largest rooms -- the only ones she remembered ever being used -- and didn't see Clicker in either of those. She caught the eye of some of the kids in each room, and they waved at her excitedly. She waved back, but didn't open the doors, and didn't linger long enough for the teachers to get annoyed by the disruption (at least, not too annoyed). One of her favorite little girls, Kirsten, started to get out of her seat to come see her, but Ellie shook her head and mouthed "see you at the library." Ellie wondered whether school lasting into the afternoon had fucked up story hour (like, making it occur later in the day?), or if maybe the little kids went over as a class... but Kirsten smiled and nodded, so either way, she'd apparently be there... assuming she had understood what Ellie was trying to convey to her.
Ellie heard muffled noise coming from down the hall and found that more rooms were currently in use -- and that's where she finally found Clicker. It looked like he and some other kids (some of whom she didn't recognize) were playing some kind of board game. Why don't they just do that in the library? she wondered as she peered through the grimy window and tried to discern what game it was. Like three or four people made eye contact with her before Clicker finally looked up. She smiled hopefully. Please don't let him hate me...
She needn't have worried; a huge grin lit up his face, and she could hear his "holy shit!" loud and clear through the closed door. He scrambled to his feet. Ellie almost opened the door and went in, but then realized it would be less awkward if she just waited for him in the hallway, away from all the curious, staring eyeballs. He burst through the door, but then stopped abruptly.
She was taken aback by how tall he was. He was about the same height as her (and she was kind of short, so perhaps she shouldn't have been so surprised). "Holy shit yourself, dude, are you fucking taller than me now?!" Before he could answer, she added, "Do I get a welcome home hug or what?"
He blushed at that, she was amused to note, but then he hurled himself at her with enough force to knock her back a step. "Homieeeeee! I heard you were back! I wanted to go see you right away but Mom said to wait 'til today to let you settle in or whatever first and see your family and stuff and-- and holy shit, I can't believe you're really here!" He stepped back and looked at her... like he couldn't believe she was real or something.
"I'm... really here," she said lightly. "Fuck -- I guess I can't like... ruffle your hair the way I used to, cuz that's kinda weird when the person's your same height! And your voice sounds... different..."
He winced. "Yeah -- not in a good way. It's squeakier. Right?"
"I was gonna say lower. But -- ha! That 'right' was kinda squeaky just now, yeah. Sucks being a teenager, huh?" Not that Ellie knew much about boys' puberty issues.
"Nah, it's pretty awesome so far, actually," he smirked.
"Cordy! You out or what?" called an irritated-sounding voice from behind the door.
Clicker hesitated to answer, and Ellie got the feeling he was torn. I should help him out-- "Oh, I don't wanna interrupt your... uh... whatever, in there..."
"Just gimme a sec." He stuck his head in the door, said something about... making him get lost or kidnapped or something? ...and then turned back to Ellie. "I'd rather talk to you than play with them -- we play three times a week. And I haven't seen you in a million years!"
Ellie felt inordinately pleased that he was choosing her over his other friends. "Play what?"
"D&D. We're actually a school club -- only you don't have to be in school to be in it -- you can join if you want! Er-- I mean-- technically we're full, but... maybe we could make an exception for you. I bet I can talk them into it. Maybe you can be like-- like an honorary member!"
"Uh... what are you even talking about? We should go hang out somewhere and you can tell me all about it. Wanna go to the library? I still have to catch up with Paige but I wanted to do that later..."
Clicker's smile faded. "She's not there. Didn't they tell you?"
Fuck... "Tell me what?"
"Nothing. Um... okay yeah, let's--"
"Dude, you have to tell me. Tommy and Maria made it sound like nothing but good stuff has happened since I left, but I know that's not true. They were holding back things. Like, to not ruin our homecoming, I guess?"
"I don't wanna ruin it either!"
"Okay, but... I'm gonna find out anyways and I'll just go crazy wondering and I'd rather hear it from you than some rando who thinks I already know and blurts it out, you know? And like... seriously, compared to the last big thing you had to tell me..." As in, the fucking lies people had been spreading about her and Joel!
He sort of grimaced and snickered at the same time; he clearly knew what she was referring to. "That sucked. But I only had to tell you. You had it waaaaay harder than me."
"What, you mean telling Joel?" Ellie snorted. "Yeah, that sucked, too, except he caught on like ten times faster than I did when you told me, so I think you had it worse. I hope no one still believes that shit." ...Even though it's sort of more true now than it was before?! -Not the Joel-makes-me-do-it bullshit, of course...
Clicker shrugged. "I dunno. People stopped talking about it after you left. Anyone who believes it is a dumbass anyways. Or maybe not dumb exactly? but like... they don't know anything about you and Joel. Like they've never seen you together."
What does seeing us together tell them? Cuz... I would think it might tell them we're madly in love and stuff? But Ellie didn't care to pursue the topic. "Dude -- library! I've really missed those comfy old couches."
And off they went. Clicker didn't tell the club he was leaving... unless he was ~kidnapped~ now, or whatever the fuck, and that counted? If Alyssa was in any of the rooms, he didn't even so much as wave and gesture from the door window to let her know he was leaving. He hadn't even mentioned her yet, and Ellie thought for sure he would've been gushing about his new girlfriend by now.
Whatever... it sure feels fucking nice to be top priority! Maybe Clicker would be her new BFF -- aside from Joel, of course, but he had his own unique category (he was her Joel). Annie could move that Meredith chick in with her for all she cared, and the two of them could sew mountains of silly dresses while Ellie was off doing things that were actually fun. ...Like kidnapping kids out of school!
~Continue to Chapter 29~
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,603
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
"Finally I'm like the real Dorothy -- wearing slippers! Only mine are pink instead of ruby." Ellie sighed contentedly from one of her favorite places to be: nestled in Joel's arms on the lumpy old couch that they pretended was his bed. Joel was idly caressing her, alternating between her hair and her arm.
"Yours are much better," Joel said lightly.
She grinned up at him. "Still lusting after the bunnies, huh? We have to find you a pair!" She had been threatening to do that for a long time...
"Too bad they didn't make goofy shit like that in my size." Said with a pang of longing, even.
Ha! "Says who? I bet they did. Your feet aren't ginormous. Oh! Maybe we can put in a request for some, since the military's kissing our asses now!"
Joel snorted. "That ain't what they're doin'."
"Then what would you call it?" Maria had told her all about the extra stuff they'd been getting. It sounded like a pretty fucking sweet deal.
"Hmm. Groomin', maybe."
"What? Really?" That made her think of Caleb and Parker. How could it apply to a whole town? But she could tell Joel wasn't trying to be funny. "You just love using that word, for some reason. It doesn't make sense, though. You said it's when an older person sort of... molds a younger person into what they want. Right?"
"Basically."
"So... you're equating Jackson to a naïve young person, in this scenario?"
"I s'pose I am."
"Pffff. Tommy's not that much younger than you." Maria was even younger... still old, though. Well beyond what Ellie would have considered 'grooming' territory, based on things Joel had said. I missed her birthday, too! She's thirty-five now!
"I think they might actually see what's comin' down the pike," Joel said thoughtfully (and Ellie still didn't know what a pike was, when it wasn't a fish). "They just either don't care, or don't see another option."
"Oh yeah? So what's the pike doing, and what's the Joel solution?" she smirked.
Joel chuckled. "Ain't got one handy. I just think I would've tried to put it off longer. Maybe come up with somethin' else in the meantime."
"Put what off? Getting nice shit?"
"The military takin' over."
OH. If that's what he believed was going on, she could understand why he was so negative about the whole thing -- and it was utterly predictable that he would take the most cynical outlook possible. "You really think that's what they're doing?" ...What did Tommy tell him that Maria didn't tell ME?
"Eventually. Yes."
Ellie frowned. "I dunno. Why wouldn't they just do it, then? Why wait?"
"Sometimes it's best to do things in stages," Joel replied smoothly, like he'd already answered the question in his head before. "Big company takes over a smaller one, they don't just roll in there an' kick out the current regime right away. Not if they're smart. They tell everyone it's business as usual so there's no panic... an' no uprisin'. They learn shit from the people who are still there. Then they start makin' their changes... little by little, 'til they get exactly what they want."
Ellie was still dubious. "They've been nothing but nice to us, from what I hear. They're not trying to kick anyone out. You're talking about businesses -- that's old world stuff."
"It could still apply here. I think it's real easy for them to give us shiny new things when they expect us to... just take those things an' make the town better for them in the long run. They ain't really givin' anythin' away, see. Not when it all comes back to them in the end."
"Shiny things? You mean like the new paint?"
"New things in general. But yes, that's one."
"Okay but don't even pretend you're not excited about that. I've heard you bitch multiple times about how sucky it is to build something, or repair something on a house, knowing it won't last the way it should cuz you can't paint it and prime it and whatever else you wanna do to it. ...Oooo that sounded kinda dirty there at the end..."
"Sounds like it'll be nicer, sure. But I wouldn't say I'm... excited."
"Not yet, maybe," she purred, squiggling up to give him a kiss. "Maybe we should go to bed before you get too tired..."
"Young lady. Are you tryin' to seduce me to get out of answerin' my question from earlier?" Joel accused.
"Noooooo... would I do that?" she asked sweetly.
"Mmhmm." But he did indulge her with a couple of lingering kisses before speaking again. "I've missed this. Jus' sittin' with you like this."
"Me too. It's been soooooo long!" Not that they hadn't cuddled elsewhere. It had just been a really long time since they'd sat together on their own sofa in their own house. Since a couple weeks before they'd left Jackson. Ellie had forgotten that there used to be a board over their bedroom window; the window had been replaced before they even left (Joel did it himself, if she remembered correctly?), but they had moved their essential stuff to Tommy and Maria's -- where it still remained, because Joel and Tommy had only bothered to bring over the bags from their trip. Ellie kind of wished she could have seen how the two of them managed to juggle all that shit that Fox had been carrying, because Joel said they'd made it in one trip. Actually, she wished she'd stuck around to help, considering how things had turned out for her. Why had she been in such a hurry to get to the farm? She sighed. "Joel, don't ever change, okay?"
"I'm pretty old an' set in my ways by now, so don't worry." He smiled and kissed her nose.
"You'd better be. At least in the ~ways~ that include me."
He gave her a squeeze. "What's wrong, kiddo?"
What's wrong... hmmm... maybe nothing? Ellie knew she was probably overreacting. "Nothing. I mean, it's just me. It's stupid."
"Well, what's wrong with you, then?" he prodded gently. "Talk to me."
Part of her just wanted to forget everything and lose herself in physical pleasures instead... Joel probably wouldn't mind not talking right now, either... but he really did seem to want to know what had possessed her to run off like she had. "I think you predicted this. Didn't you point out that Emerald City wasn't home? And that's where we are now -- the Emerald City."
"...Don't it feel like home to you? You homesick for California?"
"Yes -- and no -- er... I mean, our house? Sure, it's home. Tommy and Maria's was a little weird, but I was expecting that. I kind of miss the beach, and some of the people, but... I don't know about homesick. I don't feel... I'm not sick or anything." She knew 'homesickness' didn't necessarily refer to illness, but it sounded like a worse condition than just missing a place once in a while.
"All right, so what was it you weren't expectin'? You ready to tell me what happened at the farm?"
"So Annie didn't tell you anything," she deduced from that. He would've mentioned the other girl by now if he knew!
"Only that you forgot your belt."
"I told you -- I didn't forget it!"
"Well, she didn't tell me you... 'couldn't get to it'. Care to explain that one now?"
"Okay, so, when I got there, Esther answered the door. She said Annie was in the back room." Ellie paused.
"And... she wasn't?"
"She was."
"So... ?"
"What she failed to mention was that there was another girl there, too. And Joel -- they were sewing." She made sure her tone conveyed just how egregious she considered the activity.
"Horrors," Joel remarked dryly. "That sounds just awful."
She swatted him. "It was! Like... all Annie wanted to talk about was her stupid dress! And how awesome this stupid girl is!"
"Does this stupid girl have a name?"
"Meredith," Ellie spat out like the rotten thing that it was.
"And you don't like her," Joel surmised.
"No!"
"Why not? Was she mean? ...Rude?"
"No."
"Obnoxious in any way?"
"No -- she was nice. Maybe just fake-nice, though. I couldn't tell."
"So... you don't like her 'cause she's a friend of Annie's. A friend who sews. Is that right?"
"That sounds really lame, when you put it like that -- you don't get it! If you had seen the two of them--"
"You're jealous, is what I'm sayin'," Joel cut in. "You think Annie shouldn't have any friends except you. That this whole winter, she should've--"
"Nooooo! Of course she can have other friends. She does have other friends besides me! I mean she did before, even!"
"Okay, calm down." He kissed her forehead. "I didn' mean to make you sound like the bad guy. It's natural for you to feel jealous... if you feel like this Meredith girl is tryin' to take your place."
"She did take my place -- literally! Esther called us over for pie, and the bitch told Esther to go sit cuz she would take care of everything -- such a suck-up -- and then when she was done, she sat in my chair at the table!"
Joel absorbed that for a moment. "Was there nowhere else for you to sit?"
Seriously?! "That's not the point! Annie didn't even tell her to move. Like she wanted her to sit there, right next to her. Or she completely forgot that it's where I always sit." Hmm, which one is worse?
"All right, but... in the end, it's just a damn chair. Maybe that's where this... Meredith girl sits, since you've been gone."
"She took my place," Ellie gritted out. "And of course Annie likes her better than me. Why wouldn't she? I never helped her like... discover a new hobby. I never did sewing and stuff with her."
"Mm. Unless you count fixin' a button here'n'there, you never did that with me, either. I still like you all right."
She swatted him harder. "Because you don't give a fuck about sewing!"
"Sewing and stuff. Don't forget the stuff."
Does he HAVE to be so infuriating right now?! "I'm sorry I told you, if you're just gonna be a dick about it," she huffed. THAT should make him say--
"I'm sorry," he said, although he was still a bit too amused for Ellie's liking. "Just tryin' to make you smile. And maybe to make you see that it don't have to be the end of the world."
"I didn't say it was the end of the world," she said crossly, plucking idly at his shirt.
"What I still don't get is why you had to leave your guns there."
He was waiting for her to explain... and this was the part that was harder to justify. "Fine," she sighed. "Have you ever been some place, a place you used to love, and you stand there and it hits you -- you realize you can't stand being-- or, no -- that you're not supposed to be there? Like it's just all wrong? So then you have to leave. Immediately." She glanced at him.
He had a blank look on his face. "Uh... can't say that I have. Maybe that's a girl thing."
She rolled her eyes. "You've never wanted to leave anywhere? Never felt uncomfortable? Out of place?" That didn't encompass the whole feeling, but...
"Sure. Any time we stumbled into some hunters' camp, or a bunch of--"
"Besides that!" she groaned. "Take out the danger part. I mean like... emotionally."
"All right, well... sometimes I just wanna be alone with you..." He hitched her up a little to nip at her neck.
That response, at least, made her smile, even though essentially it didn't answer the question. He can be really sweet when he wants to be! "Okay then."
He pulled her fully into his lap. "But that ain't what you described a second ago. And it don't explain the guns."
She settled her arms around his neck. I can't hide from him so easily here, but at least I can distract him with kisses if I get tired of talking about this? "You know that back room that has pretty much nothing in it? Now it's full of sewing crap. That's where I left my guns to go eat pie. Only I never actually ate the pie because... I just had to go. So I made excuses -- I said I had people to go visit -- and I found my backpack on the way to the door and that made me remember I left my guns back there, but Esther was already suspicious of me leaving in a hurry like that and she was asking if I was sure I was okay and stuff, so obviously I couldn't just go back there."
"Obviously," he agreed -- looking confused.
She sighed again. "Because she was already coming out to check on me and she would've like... cornered me if I went back in that room, and it would've been soooo awkward, especially if the other two joined in! Just -- no thank you. I figured I'd just go sneak in and get them in the morning or something. Possibly without you even noticing I didn't have them," she added sheepishly.
"I see."
"Do you? Do you get it now?"
"Why would you have to be sneaky? Couldn't you just go back an' say--"
"What, talk to them again? Let them humiliate me some more?"
"...How did they humiliate you?"
"By making it so clear I don't belong there anymore!" Duh!
"So... they were hostile."
"No! It wasn't anything... blatant like that."
"They just made you feel unwelcome," he amended.
"Well... not exactly... they were all nice to me. I'm just an idiot, okay? Can we leave it at that?"
"No." He tweaked her nose. "You're not an idiot. You're just... oversensitive. Maybe a little paranoid."
"Paranoid? I barely even got to talk to Annie," she complained.
"Maybe if you hadn't've left so fast... -Wait. You mean to tell me you didn't even eat the pie?"
"Nope. I just left."
"Damn. This is more serious than I thought. My Ellie would never pass up one of Esther's pies." He held the back of his hand to her forehead. "You sure you ain't comin' down with somethin'?"
"Very funny. I did tell her to save my slice, though."
"Aha. So you do plan on goin' back for another visit."
"I wanted to in the morning, but-- fuck, I didn't even tell you! This is the worst part -- Meredith is spending the night over there."
Joel gasped in mock horror at that.
"It's not funny! She's helping Annie do chores -- so now they have sewing and farm stuff in common."
"I'm sorry you have to spend the night with me instead," he said solemnly, tugging her in for a kiss. "I'll try to make it up to you..."
"Oooo I like the sound of that," she giggled as he nipped at her neck again. "I wasn't going to sleep down there myself, silly. But you know... if Annie really wanted to talk to me, she could've tried harder."
He pulled back to look at her. "She came all the way up here to bring back your belt, didn't she?"
Ellie snorted. "Yeah, and I bet she did that so she wouldn't have to see me tomorrow -- she probably thought I'd come back to get it. And why did she even come here when I told her I was going to go visit some more people? She knew I wasn't here!"
Joel chuckled. "You are paranoid. I reckon she thought you might've been fibbin' about visitin' other people. She truly seemed disappointed when I told her you weren't here. Don't worry, I didn't blow your cover. I said I knew you'd gone to see her but didn' know where else you were goin' after that. Wasn't even a lie."
Given her abrupt exit, and the fact that Annie wasn't a moron, Ellie supposed she'd have to 'fess up, the next time she saw her... but I don't wanna think about that right now. "Thanks, I guess. So... why didn't you just wait for me to come home?"
"I did. ...For all of two minutes," he admitted. "I didn't like the thought of you bein' out there without a gun, for one thing. And... I thought you might be upset or somethin'. Since she said you lit outta there in a hurry."
"Awww. You're so sweet, Joel. -Shut up -- you are! So how did you find me?"
He smiled. "I used my... internal Ellie homin' device."
She gave him a look. "No, really."
"Library was the logical choice. Figured you'd find some of your friends there. I didn't see you. The library lady told me you... helped Justin find a book? And that she hadn't seen you since. I know you've hidden in that room before--"
"I wasn't hiding!"
"-- and it was really the only place you could be, unless you gave her the slip. So that reunion went a little better, hm?"
"...Reunion?" With the magazine room?!
"With your friend in the library," he clarified.
"Oh, it was the other Justin." She wasn't really friends with either of them, but she knew teenage Justin was the one Joel meant. She didn't feel like telling Joel why she had approached the guy, though. His Joel brain wouldn't get that I couldn't just go right to the back room to hide with everyone watching-- ...Actually, that did seem a little silly, now that she thought about it. It wasn't like anyone would have gone and bothered her in there. And even if they did, so what? Whatever -- in this case, the surface layer of truth would suffice: "He seemed a little lost so I helped him out. He was totally in the wrong section."
But she got the feeling Joel hadn't heard a word beyond "other Justin." "The other one? The one you said you wanted to sleep with."
"What? I never said that!" she cried.
"Oh yes you did. Remember that night Clicker almost caught us?"
She remembered: Clicker had overheard her saying something incriminating, and they'd had to think fast to cover it up. "Yeah, but I didn't say anything about him -- about Justin!"
"Yes you did -- you said if he'd been the other choice in our fake 'would you rather' game, that I wouldn't stand a chance," Joel recited so perfectly that it jogged Ellie's memory.
"Ohhhh I remember now!" she giggled. "I did say that. Because I was trying to throw Clicker off track!" And make you a little jealous at the same time... It hadn't really worked, though. He'd just gotten kind of pissy.
"We'd already accomplished that by then, as I recall."
"But you know he didn't totally buy it!" And that seed of doubt had only served to lend credibility to the rumors that surfaced later; people knew that she and Clicker were good friends, and he wasn't even convinced, so... yeah. "I'm surprised you even remember. You act like your memory sucks but then you pull stupid little things like this out of there! Has it been bothering you all these months?" she teased.
"Yes. Terribly."
"Aww." She kissed him sweetly. "You were annoyed that I knew he was twenty-eight, too. Well, he might be twenty-nine by now -- I have no idea, you'll be happy to know."
"All right."
"...All right? That's it?!"
"That's it."
"Pfff. You're really bad at this." She leaned in to whisper in his ear. "You're supposed to make me work a little harder to convince you."
"Convince me of what?" he murmured... and she could tell he was just playing dumb.
"That you're the only one I want," she breathed before suckling his earlobe. She loved how she could practically feel the resulting shiver ripple through his body whenever she did it!
"I already know that. You don't gotta prove it." He was clearly trying to sound nonchalant, but Ellie knew he was enjoying himself.
And she was enjoying his hands roving over her back. "Don't you want me to prove it?" she breathed on his neck, nipping it the way he'd just done to hers.
"Eh... nope. I'm good. Thank you."
She jerked her head up to glare at his smirking face. "Liar!" She proceeded to whale on him with both fists -- or, rather, she pretended to, just to elicit a reaction (she could actually hurt him if she wasn't careful).
"Hey -- easy!" He laughed and cowered from her, ducking his head and covering it with his hands. But he didn't try to stop her.
"Take it back! I'm not stopping until you take it back!" She continued with the light blows to his arms and shoulders... and he just sat there.
"Take what back?"
Okay, time to up the hurt-- "Don't -- play -- dumb -- with -- me!"
He endured her pseudo-beatdown for longer than she'd expected him to, laughing... not apologizing or taking back what he'd said. The second she started to let up a little, he made her pay for it: he grabbed her arms, slid his hands up to her wrists, pushed her off his lap and onto the couch, then pinned her with her wrists over her head. All in like... two seconds.
Now she was the one laughing -- and squirming. "Heyyy! No fair-- you're s'posed to-- noooo, stop!" She turned her head when he tried to kiss her. "You have to take it baaaaaaack!"
He dove in for her neck instead. "No I don't. You've got no cause for complaint -- I just did exactly what you wanted me to."
She tried to ignore the pleasant warmth swelling inside her, courtesy of his lips on her flesh... the weight of his body on hers. "Nooooo -- I wanted you to apologize! And to be sweet!"
"Too bad." He pulled up just enough to look at her. "So what were you gonna tell me before... that you said you'd tell me later if I was sweet?"
She giggled. "Well I'm sure as fuck not gonna tell you now, am I!"
He let go of her wrists, but flattened himself over her... all dead-weight-like, so she still couldn't move much. "Sorry... I'll be nice now," he murmured as he nuzzled her cheek.
"Still not telling you," she said stubbornly. Actually, she'd pretty much already told him... he just didn't realize it!
"Mm... that's all right... I reckon we're done talkin' now, don't you think?"
She didn't protest this time when he kissed over to her lips. "Mmmaybe..." Her arms returned to their former position around his neck.
"You forgive me? Hm?" He pressed his lips gently to hers.
She pretended to ponder the matter. "I dunno... I do kinda like the way you're crushing me right now..."
"You always seem to like it, for some strange reason." More little kisses.
"Same reason I like it when you 'squeeze me as hard as you can' -- cuz it's nice being as close as possible?"
He wasn't leaning so heavily on her, now that he was resting his forearms on either side of her head. "Except you ain't really any closer if you're already in my arms. It's just an illusion, see."
"Then... it's just fun being squished? I guess?"
"If you say so."
She smiled wickedly. "You're right, about the closeness -- and there's only one way to get any closer." She tugged his face to hers... his mouth... she parted her lips and his tongue immediately slipped between them, like it had been waiting for the invitation. She kissed him deeply, eagerly... and for some reason, she was reminded of the early days of their romance -- even though she'd kissed him a million times since then. She broke off the kiss and sighed happily. "Remember when this is pretty much all we did?"
"Uh... which time?"
"No, I mean like... in general! We'd just kiss and kiss... until you couldn't stand it anymore..."
Joel chuckled. "Sounds bad when you put it like that. Like I wasn't into it or somethin'."
"Haha... and really it was the opposite!" She wriggled her outside leg free so she could coil it around him. "You couldn't stand it anymore because if we kept going, you would just have to rip my clothes off and... and fuck my brains out!" (She still thought that was kind of a dumb expression, even if she did rather like it.)
"Whereas now... I can just go ahead an' rip your clothes off an' fuck your brains out?"
Oooo he's giving me the SEXY smile! "Yes! Exactly! Just hearing you say that..." She gave an exaggerated shudder. "Total turn-on."
"It is, huh?" He sounded dubious. Adorably dubious.
"It is for you, too," she cooed, pulling his ear to her lips so she could purr into it again -- and because she didn't trust herself not to giggle if she said this to his face: "If I tell you I want you to fuck me..." She knew he liked it when she said that, even if he wouldn't admit it. And she... hadn't really been going there lately. It's still OUR THING, though... She squeezed with her free leg to meld her groin to his. "Mm... yep... total turn-on..."
He did that chuckle-groan thing that she adored so much. "I think it's time we go christen our bed."
"Christen it?" She'd certainly had a lot of fun 'christening' various places in their suite at Golden Sands. "You mean like... cuz we haven't had actual sex in it before?"
"Yep." He lifted his head and kissed her nose. "You did say the river would be all dried up by the time we got home... ?"
She snickered. "My aunt has gone home, yes."
"You go on. I'll lock up."
She smiled at him fondly as he slithered away from her and stood up. "The door's already locked. You mean you'll check the door and all the windows ten times... just in case." Although doing so hadn't stopped some asshole from chucking that rock through one of their windows last year!
"Once each. Not ten times."
She didn't feel like going to the bedroom without Joel, so she just lay there, watching him move around the room... and wishing she could snap her fingers to become magically clad in something irresistibly sexy. I guess I could just... start getting naked?
But she just kept watching him. Listening, when he moved out of sight. She could still 'see' every move he made, because she could imagine his routine perfectly. Even after all these months away. Of course, he'd done similar checks on their trip, so this wasn't a habit he had to relearn. He's so fucking... SENSIBLE. Just ONCE, could he actually get so caught up in the moment that he DOES pretty much rip my clothes off and fuck me right then and there?! Without thinking 'hey I better go check the windows and turn off the lights first'... and, 'bedtime routine' distraction aside, was Joel actually capable of that brand of passion? She wasn't a virgin anymore. They'd had plenty of sex. But he was still always so concerned about her being ready...
Fuck... what the hell, Ellie? Are you seriously annoyed that he doesn't just... GO for it... when the reason he doesn't is cuz he fucking LOVES you and doesn't wanna hurt you? ...Unless that wasn't the real reason. Maybe if I was sexier, he'd--
NO. Stop that! she commanded herself. She knew Joel was attracted to her... which meant he did think she was sexy. He was just a nice guy. And what did she want from him anyway -- did she want him to act like... like Shelby?
Of course that's not what she wanted. And Joel would be conscious of that... of her bad experiences. He always had been. As if he might accidentally say or do something to make her flash back to something unpleasant. Just-- uggghhhhh, I don't know!
What was it Sophie had said to her, on one of their many 'girl talk' walks in the surf... when Ellie had broached the topic of sex allegedly becoming boring after a while -- because she'd heard things to that effect, and it didn't make sense to her. She and Joel had been having sex for a really long time -- like a couple months, by then? -- and while some times were better than others, she was never bored. Sophie had said something about sex getting to be routine and just not as exciting as it was in the beginning... which Ellie supposed was maybe kind of true... and then Sophie had encouraged her to talk to Joel if she ever wanted to try doing things differently. To 'spice things up.' (Everything did taste a little better with the right spices!) However, Ellie hadn't had any specific ideas in mind, and she didn't really think Joel was getting bored. She sure as hell wasn't, but Joel's satisfaction was way more important than her own. After all, she already knew that she would never leave him... and as much as she did truly trust Joel, she could never be a hundred percent certain that he wouldn't leave.
Hmmm... is this the sort of thing Sophie meant? Joel thought I was joking -- I mean, it WAS pretty much a joke, the way I said it -- but really I kinda wish he WOULD just not be so fucking careful all the time, and just fuck me fast and furious without all the build-up? Just once? THAT would be different... and SPICY... ha! But... thinking back to that time when they had pretended to be other people -- Joel referred to it as role-playing, although she wasn't sure whose role it was that she'd been playing, exactly? -- that had been so fun partly because it had just sort of happened. They hadn't planned it. Joel was all into like... being natural and stuff, not playing games (...in retrospect, she was rather amazed he'd gone along with it for so long, really). He would think I'm crazy if I--
"What is goin' through that head of yours?" Joel was standing in front of the couch now, peering down at her with amusement.
She hoped whatever expression she'd had on her face just then hadn't already told him too much. "Nothing! I mean... nothing important." She reached for him and smiled. "Carry me? Please?"
"You are so spoiled," he grumbled.
"I am," she agreed, hugging his neck while he gathered her in his arms. "Don't even pretend you don't like spoiling me!"
"Who says I like it?"
"You do!" she giggled. "Wait -- I'll be nice and get the light, though -- if you walk me over there -- good, you already got the kitchen one..." Since for some reason he hadn’t turned on the bedroom lamp when he was in there, they were plunged into darkness once she switched off the living room light. "Oooops! Well, hey, it's like we're still on the road. Except we have running water again. Hot running water! Fuck, I've missed that. Hey -- maybe we should take a shower together now? Instead of going to bed?"
"All right. Or how about a nice warm bath?" he suggested.
"Ooooo good idea -- we can christen the tub! ...You can put me down if you want," she offered, since he was moving super slowly in the dark.
"I can do it." Like she'd offended him. "Just have to remember where all the walls are again."
The appliance lights would help with that somewhat. "I'll steer you!"
"You'll steer me into a wall on purpose, you mean, an' then get mad at me for--"
"No I won't!" she laughed -- even though she had indeed done that on occasion. But then another thought occurred-- "Oh fuck -- Joel, I'm sorry!" She wriggled free of his grip and dropped to her feet.
"For what?"
"I'm such a selfish asshole. Lemme go get the lamp..." She could hear Joel following as she made her way into the bedroom (which had only been a few more steps away).
"Why's that?"
She didn't answer him until she'd switched on the bedside lamp. "Cuz your ankle! I should be carrying you!"
Joel arched an eyebrow at her. "My ankle? Ellie, come on, it's been weeks. I've carried all kinds of--"
"But nothing as heavy as me, and I know it still bothers you. You just won't admit it." She plopped down on the edge of the bed.
"No it don't."
"See?!"
"...See what?"
"You won't admit it!"
He sat beside her. Kissed her temple and rubbed her back. "You worry too much. I do need to thank you, though, for not tellin' my brother about the day it happened."
Ellie snorted. "It's not a day I care to think about. Ever." Especially the way it had ended. Besides, with both trips to discuss, plus all the months in between, there had been plenty of other stories to tell.
"Neither is Sacramento, and we told 'em all about that."
She rolled her eyes. "Well, duh, is there anything else you'd pick to answer 'What was the worst thing that happened on the road'?"
"Guess not." He gave her a side squeeze.
"You guess? What else even comes close?" Maybe he’s blocked it out somehow… he still has nightmares about it, though!
"Bad as it was, at least it had a happy ending. The day Spirit left was pretty bad."
You mean the day we LOST him... but it was nice of him to put it that way; it was how she liked to think of it, too. Spirit is free now... She leaned into Joel. "Cuz me and Sophie were biting each other's heads off, right?"
"And you were real upset."
"Well, okay, yeah. That too. But we made it worse for you." She grinned up at him. "How did you stand being around two girls for so long? Two girls and no other dudes."
Joel heaved a long-suffering sigh. "It was a real hardship. Not sure how I got through it, to be honest."
"Yeah, yeah." Ellie leaned in hard enough to qualify as a shove. "It was better when we had two girls and two guys, huh. You and Paul... I've never seen you like someone so fast. And Karma's like... ten times tougher than Sophie."
"Mm."
Oh shit... that was stupid, bringing them up... last time he got all dad-like and weird for some reason-- "Soooooo do you wanna go get reacquainted with our bathtub now?" she asked brightly. She stood up and tugged on his arm before he could answer.
But he resisted her efforts to pull him to his feet. "On second thought... no." He pulled her back into his lap -- only this time, she was straddling him.
"No? Why not?"
"I reckon we should give the daddy long legs one last hurrah in there."
"Shit, I forgot!" Even though she had just seen the spiders like an hour ago. "I wonder if Clicker still has his pet ones. Eww."
"Maybe the girlfriend made him get rid of 'em."
Why did I bring up Clicker? PLEASE don't start teasing me about being jealous again! "Those things are creepy as fuck. I don't know why you won't just kill them." She hadn't killed them, either, but only because Joel had told her not to.
Joel nuzzled her neck. "I'm a gentle soul."
She burst out laughing. "Ha! Oh my God. If there's one thing you are definitely not..."
He leaned back, taking her with him, one hand tangling itself in her hair as he pulled her face to his for a kiss. "Haven't I always been gentle with you?"
She snickered. "That doesn't count! What I'm saying is... you're not exactly the he-would-never-hurt-a-fly type. You're... the opposite of that." ...But holy fuck -- talk about a perfect opening! Would she ever have a better one?! If she could just... "You don't HAVE to be so gentle, you know..." she telepathed to him. Ugh, just SAY it already, bitch! ...but the words stuck in her throat, for some reason. ...Because he would think there's something wrong with me, if I said something weird like that? Obviously, there IS something wrong with me...
Joel gathered the one side of her hair in his hand but the other side kept falling in his face, even after she tried to tuck it behind her ear.
Which quite effectively pulled her back out of her head. "Fuck, my hair is annoying. Sorry."
He smiled. "How many times do I have to tell you--"
"You like it falling on you," she recited. When he had said his beard scratching her face was much worse than her hair falling in his face all the time, she had declared them even instead (she liked those whiskery kisses, damnit!).
But he rolled her over so that he was on top. "Better?"
"It's all good," she grinned. At least this way I can wrap my legs around him better... yesssss... "Except we have too many clothes on! What the fuck is wrong with us?" She started unbuttoning his shirt, even though he seemed to be trying to distract her from the task with kisses.
"I'm workin' on it," he murmured, and his hands smoothly tugged her shirt up (well, she had to arch her back and wriggle a bit to help him out, but other than that, it was smooth) and over her head. He planted little kisses from her breastbone all the way up to her lips.
"You just wanted to beat me," she accused. "I couldn't really do the buttons while you were doing that."
He just looked at her and smiled.
"What?" she wondered out loud; she didn't think she'd said anything exceptionally cute. She started fumbling with the buttons again.
And he just kept looking at her. More soberly now.
"What?!" she repeated, starting to feel a little self-conscious.
He smoothed her hair back. "Much as I hated the thought of comin' back here with one less horse... once again havin' to tell it to my brother..."
"Neither of those times were your fault!" she protested, surprised that his mind was still on the Spirit thing.
"Still. I thought to myself... it sure beats the alternative."
"The alternative being... what, one less human?"
"Mmhmm."
"Aww. -Wait -- but that was true, too! No Sophie!"
He kissed the smirk off her face. "You know what I mean. If you were... if you weren't with me, I don't think I'd've had it in me to ever show my face here again."
He's not just talking about disappointing Tommy... Ellie's heart melted. It was subtle, but she detected a twinge of shakiness in the words. Joel didn't get mushy on her very often -- if that even qualified as mushy? ...It does. On the Joel scale, any verbal sign of vulnerability counts. "Me neither. If it was reversed, I mean. Good thing we both made it home in one piece." She kissed him gently. "I love you soooo much."
He responded by kissing her deeply then... somehow tender and intense at the same time, making her head spin even though she was laying flat on her back... making her stomach do that awesome little flippy thing... how could I even for one SECOND entertain the thought of Joel not being passionate? He was sweet and spicy. At the same time. "Make love to me, Joel," she breathed in between kisses.
Because that was the whole point of having sex. Of being together... being intimate. And that was all she really wanted: to be loved.
* * * * * *
Ellie felt better about things in the morning. It had been really childish and immature of her to get upset about that Meredith girl. So what if Annie had a new friend? Ellie had Joel. Joel was better than a hundred friends. As long as she had him, she didn't give a fuck if no one in town ever spoke to her again. He was the meat... everyone else was just gravy. Watery gravy, at that. And they had survived their first night at home since the rock incident. Not only survived it, but had a pretty fucking good night, too.
As much as Ellie would have loved to laze about in bed with Joel all day, she knew it wouldn't happen. If she didn't show her face around town, some of those gravy people were bound to come hunt her down (because certainly everyone knew they were back by now), and besides that, Joel and Tommy had already discussed procuring the security cameras Joel wanted. And besides-besides that, Ellie wanted to see her nephew again! Yes, she was thinking of him as hers, not just Joel's... even though in Tommy and Maria's eyes, she and Grayson were more like cousins. Fuck that -- I'm Auntie Ellie! Even though it made her feel old... that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Joel was old, after all. -OldER, she still had to correct herself sometimes. There are people in this town like thirty years older than him -- THEY are old! In fact, by some miracle, Joel wasn't even on the top ten list of oldest people in Jackson. With the arrival of all the new people, maybe he'd gotten bumped down even further.
They decided to go to the store first, then go their separate ways for a while and meet up at Tommy and Maria's later. It was strange to think that they could actually set a specific time again, after so many months of having no idea what time it was, but they were both content to leave it as 'later.' Once they were incorporated back into the work schedule of their chosen jobs, they'd have to get more accustomed to exact times. Even so, time in Jackson was still a bit more relaxed than it had been back in Boston at Ellie's school, or back in Joel's old life when he'd had a so-called real job (Ellie thought the jobs in Jackson were very real, for the most part, but Joel insisted they weren't the same at all). Tommy had already asked Joel if he could take some guard shifts; one of the new guys 'wasn't working out.' (Whatever that meant.) The guard shifts were still short, at six hours apiece, so Joel said he didn't mind. Six hours seemed plenty long to Ellie when the job was as boring as guard duty. Patrol was at least a little more interesting...
Not that she was allowed to do either. Turning sixteen hadn't changed anything in that regard. It was so stupid! She'd killed shitloads of people, for fuck's sake -- sitting on her ass up in some gate tower was nothing by comparison. Joel agreed she was fully capable, yet somehow also agreed with the ridiculous age rule that said she wasn't. To console her, he would remind her how dreadfully bored she would be just sitting on her ass in said tower, and that did usually shut her up. (The one time she'd started to hint of the fun they could have working the same shift on the same gate, he'd shut it down the moment he saw the sly smile surfacing... or maybe it was the mischievous glint in her eye that had given her away.) (He really was no fun sometimes!)
One thing that had gotten longer in their absence: school days. That was a very recent development. Ellie still thought Jackson school was a bit of a joke, compared to Boston, but apparently there were more changes coming down that pike (ha) that might make it more like a so-called traditional school setting. Ellie didn't care what they did, as long as they didn't try to make her start going. She already knew everything she needed to know! And how would Joel feel about having a girlfriend who was still in school like a little kid?! Ugh!
Anyways, Clicker wasn't in school, either, but he was there every afternoon 'tutoring.' Or at least, he used to be. Maybe now that he has a girlfriend, all he wants to do is make out with her all the time? ...Ewww! They were only thirteen. Too young to have sex, at least. ...Right?! DOUBLE eww. Ellie couldn't remember if Alyssa was still in school or if she just hung out there a lot or what. Maybe she hangs out there to be around Clicker? How long has she had a crush on him? ...And what does HE see in HER, anyway? Ellie couldn't speculate about that with Joel because Joel would just use the question as more ammunition for his dumb "you're just jealous" argument. As it was, Ellie knew she was somewhat biased against Alyssa due to the fact that her brother Jacob was one of the biggest douchebags in town. Before Ellie had made an enemy of Jacob, she'd liked the little girl just fine. But... understandably, the girl had taken her brother's side, and she'd been somewhat hostile towards Ellie ever since. Alyssa probably believed at least one version of the rumors about her and Joel (and Ellie still thought Jacob and/or that cunt Christine were the most likely candidates to have started them). She knew that Clicker didn't believe that shit, though, so... I wonder if he and Alyssa fight about me? For some reason, she liked to think that they did. Not because she was jealous... no way! -but because Clicker was her friend, and friends stick up for each other. Maybe he's even managed to change her mind about me?
Ellie didn't want to just hang around the library again, so after Joel and Tommy headed out to do whatever they were going to do, she spent some time with Maria and Grayson, trying to be as helpful as she could. Ellie washed the breakfast dishes, fixed lunch for herself and Maria, helped out with some laundry (they had a working washing machine in their house now! which was good, because Ellie didn't really want to go to the laundromat and be reminded that Sophie wasn't around)... and she even got to burp the baby. After watching Maria change his diaper again, she asked if she could try it next time she was around; if she was going to babysit, she would need to feel comfortable with the task. Maria agreed.
She'd dawdled too long at the house to catch Clicker at lunch -- if he indeed was still eating with the school kids. She wanted to catch up with Paige at the library, but she didn't really want to go there 'til after story hour, so it was too early for that. And Max, according to his parents (whom she'd seen at the storehouse, since they were in charge of it), was escorting someone to the Idaho hospital, so visiting him was out... and besides, she knew Joel wouldn't want her to go out of her way to see him. Going to the farm was obviously out as well... and, despite the fact that she wasn't upset about it anymore, she couldn't pretend it didn't sting a little that Annie hadn't come up and tried to find her today. Which was stupid, of course, because Annie had farm chores and her friend Meredith was there and everything... I guess I should go back down there later and quit being a baby about the whole thing? But... not yet.
It was also stupid that she'd only been home for like twenty-four hours, and she was already feeling overwhelmed and out of sorts. Too many decisions! Not life and death decisions, of course, just... too many options. Less important things, more trivial things. Which SHOULD mean things are easier! So why didn't it feel that way?
Ellie decided to take that stroll around the lake that she hadn't taken the night before. It was a cloudy day, which was good, since she hadn't put on any sunscreen and didn't want to hear a lecture about it from Joel later (she knew she could still get burned through the clouds, but it wasn't nearly as bad). She saw several groups of people fishing, which was more than she was used to seeing. Even some in a canoe out in the middle of the lake. Tommy had mentioned something last night about people transplanting some fish from the river in the hopes of bringing up the numbers in the lake, but Ellie didn't see how that would work if people were just going to catch them all out of the lake instead. Maybe people waited a while before fishing again? Or maybe the fish breed really fast? They hadn't had time to discuss it in depth. Or anything in depth, really. The fishing people took no notice of her, and their presence didn't disrupt the calm she'd found in her leisurely walk. The only thing missing is Joel...
While she did enjoy being by herself at times, mostly it just made her wish that Joel was with her. Because being with him... is sort of like being by myself, only better? Because he's such a big PART of myself? Sometimes when she tried to explain such a feeling to Joel, she could swear he understood exactly what she meant... and other times, he seemed a little freaked out by it.
After one lap, all the way around, she figured she might as well head over to the school and see if she could pry Clicker away enough to at least say hi. And maybe see if he wanted to make a gaming date or something. Okay, not a DATE...
The school wasn't actually in a school building, because there weren't any within Jackson's walls. In the old world, the place had been a daycare... and the leftover decor reinforced the fact that schooling here was meant for younger kids. Ellie peeked through the little door window in each of the two largest rooms -- the only ones she remembered ever being used -- and didn't see Clicker in either of those. She caught the eye of some of the kids in each room, and they waved at her excitedly. She waved back, but didn't open the doors, and didn't linger long enough for the teachers to get annoyed by the disruption (at least, not too annoyed). One of her favorite little girls, Kirsten, started to get out of her seat to come see her, but Ellie shook her head and mouthed "see you at the library." Ellie wondered whether school lasting into the afternoon had fucked up story hour (like, making it occur later in the day?), or if maybe the little kids went over as a class... but Kirsten smiled and nodded, so either way, she'd apparently be there... assuming she had understood what Ellie was trying to convey to her.
Ellie heard muffled noise coming from down the hall and found that more rooms were currently in use -- and that's where she finally found Clicker. It looked like he and some other kids (some of whom she didn't recognize) were playing some kind of board game. Why don't they just do that in the library? she wondered as she peered through the grimy window and tried to discern what game it was. Like three or four people made eye contact with her before Clicker finally looked up. She smiled hopefully. Please don't let him hate me...
She needn't have worried; a huge grin lit up his face, and she could hear his "holy shit!" loud and clear through the closed door. He scrambled to his feet. Ellie almost opened the door and went in, but then realized it would be less awkward if she just waited for him in the hallway, away from all the curious, staring eyeballs. He burst through the door, but then stopped abruptly.
She was taken aback by how tall he was. He was about the same height as her (and she was kind of short, so perhaps she shouldn't have been so surprised). "Holy shit yourself, dude, are you fucking taller than me now?!" Before he could answer, she added, "Do I get a welcome home hug or what?"
He blushed at that, she was amused to note, but then he hurled himself at her with enough force to knock her back a step. "Homieeeeee! I heard you were back! I wanted to go see you right away but Mom said to wait 'til today to let you settle in or whatever first and see your family and stuff and-- and holy shit, I can't believe you're really here!" He stepped back and looked at her... like he couldn't believe she was real or something.
"I'm... really here," she said lightly. "Fuck -- I guess I can't like... ruffle your hair the way I used to, cuz that's kinda weird when the person's your same height! And your voice sounds... different..."
He winced. "Yeah -- not in a good way. It's squeakier. Right?"
"I was gonna say lower. But -- ha! That 'right' was kinda squeaky just now, yeah. Sucks being a teenager, huh?" Not that Ellie knew much about boys' puberty issues.
"Nah, it's pretty awesome so far, actually," he smirked.
"Cordy! You out or what?" called an irritated-sounding voice from behind the door.
Clicker hesitated to answer, and Ellie got the feeling he was torn. I should help him out-- "Oh, I don't wanna interrupt your... uh... whatever, in there..."
"Just gimme a sec." He stuck his head in the door, said something about... making him get lost or kidnapped or something? ...and then turned back to Ellie. "I'd rather talk to you than play with them -- we play three times a week. And I haven't seen you in a million years!"
Ellie felt inordinately pleased that he was choosing her over his other friends. "Play what?"
"D&D. We're actually a school club -- only you don't have to be in school to be in it -- you can join if you want! Er-- I mean-- technically we're full, but... maybe we could make an exception for you. I bet I can talk them into it. Maybe you can be like-- like an honorary member!"
"Uh... what are you even talking about? We should go hang out somewhere and you can tell me all about it. Wanna go to the library? I still have to catch up with Paige but I wanted to do that later..."
Clicker's smile faded. "She's not there. Didn't they tell you?"
Fuck... "Tell me what?"
"Nothing. Um... okay yeah, let's--"
"Dude, you have to tell me. Tommy and Maria made it sound like nothing but good stuff has happened since I left, but I know that's not true. They were holding back things. Like, to not ruin our homecoming, I guess?"
"I don't wanna ruin it either!"
"Okay, but... I'm gonna find out anyways and I'll just go crazy wondering and I'd rather hear it from you than some rando who thinks I already know and blurts it out, you know? And like... seriously, compared to the last big thing you had to tell me..." As in, the fucking lies people had been spreading about her and Joel!
He sort of grimaced and snickered at the same time; he clearly knew what she was referring to. "That sucked. But I only had to tell you. You had it waaaaay harder than me."
"What, you mean telling Joel?" Ellie snorted. "Yeah, that sucked, too, except he caught on like ten times faster than I did when you told me, so I think you had it worse. I hope no one still believes that shit." ...Even though it's sort of more true now than it was before?! -Not the Joel-makes-me-do-it bullshit, of course...
Clicker shrugged. "I dunno. People stopped talking about it after you left. Anyone who believes it is a dumbass anyways. Or maybe not dumb exactly? but like... they don't know anything about you and Joel. Like they've never seen you together."
What does seeing us together tell them? Cuz... I would think it might tell them we're madly in love and stuff? But Ellie didn't care to pursue the topic. "Dude -- library! I've really missed those comfy old couches."
And off they went. Clicker didn't tell the club he was leaving... unless he was ~kidnapped~ now, or whatever the fuck, and that counted? If Alyssa was in any of the rooms, he didn't even so much as wave and gesture from the door window to let her know he was leaving. He hadn't even mentioned her yet, and Ellie thought for sure he would've been gushing about his new girlfriend by now.
Whatever... it sure feels fucking nice to be top priority! Maybe Clicker would be her new BFF -- aside from Joel, of course, but he had his own unique category (he was her Joel). Annie could move that Meredith chick in with her for all she cared, and the two of them could sew mountains of silly dresses while Ellie was off doing things that were actually fun. ...Like kidnapping kids out of school!
~Continue to Chapter 29~