Title: "Singularity" Chapter 22: "Six Feet Under" [22/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 11,040
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
It was the best birthday Ellie had ever had. Although when she said as much to Joel, his flippant "that's just sad" remark irked her. She knew he'd meant it to come off like "it's sad because in the good old days, kids had birthday parties with games and presents and cake and a big fuss made over them," but what she actually heard was "too bad you were stuck celebrating it in the middle of bumfucknowhere with an old man who didn't give you any legit presents." As if the love he gave her wasn't enough. Maybe it was her imagination? In general, she continued to notice that he was more self-deprecating than usual... and her reassurances didn't seem to penetrate his thick fucking skull. Ellie felt like when she was the one who needed reassurance, Joel provided it tenfold, but when she tried to reciprocate, somehow it turned into him reassuring her yet again. Did that mean she was wrong about that twinge in her gut? Was it really all about her and her own insecurities after all?
...Best not to dwell on it. As Joel himself would say. Right.
Probably the best part -- if she could actually pick one -- was Joel letting her do what she'd been wanting to do for sooooo long! Well, almost-letting her... it was a good start, anyway. And to be honest, she wasn't sure she could have handled much more than what he'd let her do. She knew the ultimate goal was to fit his entire dick in her mouth, and if she failed -- like if she coughed or gagged or something -- not only would she be embarrassed as fuck, but Joel would never let her try it again. If she let him know, either verbally or by being too hesitant, that she was even afraid of that stuff possibly happening, he would probably shut the whole thing down for good.
Guess I better practice some more with my toothbrush... so far, that hadn't gone very well. Her throat wouldn't tolerate anything touching it that she wasn't in the midst of swallowing. Ellie didn't know if practice would help or if there was just something wrong with her, and since she didn't know how to figure that out, she figured she might as well keep trying. Asking Joel was out of the question, of course. She could hear him already: "There's nothin' wrong with you -- your body is reacting the way it's supposed to when dealin' with somethin' that don't belong in there--" -or something along those lines. But she knew Sophie could do it... and Parker, and Caleb, and probably a zillion other people. She felt like there was some secret she didn't know. With no one to ask and no instructions to follow, how would she ever learn it? ...Yes, Joel -- best not to dwell on it. I know.
For an allegedly haunted hotel next to a cemetery, there had been an extreme lack of spiritual activity during their stay. No ~experiences~ for either of them. They'd experienced some heebie-jeebies, however, thanks to the clowns (well, Joel had; Ellie still thought fairies were way creepier). The clown paintings in their room had been moved to floor level -- facing the wall -- since Joel had claimed he wouldn't be able to sleep if he "felt their eyes" on him. Ellie couldn't tell if he was just trying to amuse her by pretending to be creeped out or if he seriously felt unnerved by the things. She re-hung the paintings just before they left, cheekily telling him that clowns deserved to be treated with dignity. She'd considered taking one with them as a souvenir, so she could freak Joel out with it by hanging it up in their house on occasion -- how fun would that be?! -- but nixed the idea in the end, knowing she'd never actually get the painting all the way home without Joel discovering it in the jeep and chucking it into the wild somewhere. At least in the hotel room, the art was preserved from the elements -- and she hadn't even seen any defiled by graffiti!
Far creepier than the clowns was the fact that the cemetery had once been what Joel called a 'tourist attraction.' Ellie had helped herself to the pamphlets in their room (why no one had stolen them, she wasn't sure -- and the ones on the rack in the office were definitely more accessible, yet they remained as well! Didn't anyone else think this stuff was cool?) and decided that she and Joel should be tourists. "The REAL kind" -- not the Pittsburgh kind who got terrorized by hunters! She'd dragged Joel over there and made him help her look for the graves of the so-called 'permanent residents' mentioned in the pamphlet while she read their stories out loud. The deaths had all occurred between 1901 and 1911. Horrific mining accidents, fires, shootings, a disease called typhoid fever... Ellie's favorite story was about these two chicks who claimed to be wealthy widows and then seduced dumbass men into giving them shit. They had allegedly collected about $100,000, which sounded like a lot to Ellie, but in 'today's dollars' -- not that there was even a year on the pamphlet, but that's what it said -- it was about 2.5 million, which sounded like a fuckton (Joel agreed). Only one of the women was buried there, though, and she had died of alcoholism. Ellie had to ask Joel about that one.
"Do they mean alcohol POISONING? Like what you lectured me about that one time (which you SO didn't need to cuz I didn't even drink that much)?"
"Not necessarily. And yes I DID need to, 'cause you apparently--"
"Well then how else would alcohol kill you?"
"...Uh... well, if you drink a lot, it takes a toll on your liver... maybe her liver gave out."
"Okay, then wouldn't a more accurate cause of death be LIVER FAILURE?"
"Which was caused by the alcoholism. So in a roundabout way, it makes sense."
"But that's not specific enough. Unless the categories are broad, like... died of natural causes versus murder, if they didn't investigate further than that? Cuz... I've watched TV shows and movies, Joel -- the official cause of death is always something more scientific than ALCOHOLISM. What if something else stopped working, like... her heart or her lungs or something? And they were like, 'Oh, she drank a lot, so we're just going to say the alcohol did it' -- and no one cared to know the actual thing? Isn't that weird?"
"It's just a damn brochure. Anyhow, it was a long time ago. Things were different."
"EVERYTHING was a long time ago."
"...But this was a REAL long time ago."
"Oh -- right. Before YOU were born! SUPER ancient history. Ha!"
"Before me, my parents, my grandparents..."
"Whoa."
"Yeah."
"Like... a whole generation or two before anyone we even KNOW was alive... so weird that we're standing among them right now... THREE HUNDRED of them..."
"Their bones, anyway. Six feet under."
"...Why six?"
"Don' know. That's just the magic number for some reason."
"So... it's arbitrary? Kinda like that magic EIGHTEEN?"
She was going to have to give Joel shit about the eighteen thing for a long time. And as soon as they got home (or... shortly after?), she was marching straight to the library to see if she could find out what the law was in Wyoming. Joel could say it didn't matter anymore, but clearly it did matter to plenty of people. If it turned out she was old enough to legally consent, it had to help their case! It certainly wouldn't hurt.
They were only in Nevada... nowhere near Jackson yet... but at some point, they needed to discuss what they were going to do in regards to their relationship: hide or don't hide? She'd brought it up on occasion, and each time, Joel said they could talk about it "later." That they had plenty of time. Ellie got the feeling that if left up to him, they wouldn't discuss it at all -- they'd just "wing it." Which would probably equate to "keep hiding."
...Which, she realized, was probably what he really wanted to do. No discussion needed.
They passed through an old ghost town (Joel had started differentiating them as old or new depending on if they were before or after Cordyceps, although he never could explain to Ellie's satisfaction how he just knew this) named Warm Springs... except the springs were not springy. As in, no water. They spent the night there in the back of a tour bus that allegedly used to take people through Area 51, which was this secret military base where they tested weapons and equipment and stuff. Ellie asked how it could be secret if tour buses were trundling through there... and Joel didn't know. He figured maybe there was a touristy part and an actual secret part. Like they'd take people's money to drive them around for a while, show them some crater that they claimed to be created by a spaceship landing there or some shit.
Yeah, that was the other thing the place was known for: aliens.
"Awesome -- first we have ghosts, and time warps... now we have aliens?!"
"Conspiracy theories, kiddo. Not actual aliens."
"But that highway up ahead -- did you see what it's called? Extraterrestial highway!"
"So?"
"So, why would they name it that?"
"I don' know -- why does anyone name... ANYTHING what it is? It's just a name. They were prob'ly tryin' to cash in on people's beliefs about the area an' whatnot."
"Okay, well, if we get abducted by aliens tonight, it's on you."
"Agreed."
They did not, in fact, get abducted by aliens.
Joel said that all of that was so long ago that by now, all the secret shit had most likely been cleared out, and it was just another abandoned military facility. Nothing special about it. Anyway, it was to the south of them, and they were heading north/northeast now. Ellie probably could have persuaded him to go check it out with her if she'd been super curious, but really, she was more interested in getting back into 'new' ghost towns again. Places with houses. Houses with actual beds to sleep in.
Rather than finding such a luxury as this, they encountered a fucking airport, of all things. A small one. In the middle of nowhere. Or, technically, in the city of Ely -- which she joked was yet another funky spelling of her name... but then she was sorry she'd mentioned that, as it reminded them of a mix-up between her name and a boy in Jackson, Eli, who was dead now. Six feet under... that expression was a nicer way of saying 'dead,' she decided. And it was probably accurate, in this case, because they had buried the kid. Had a nice little ceremony and everything.
Ellie would have liked to spend more time at the airport, as it was the most interesting thing they'd seen in days, but they reached it so early in the day -- like, mid-morning -- and they had just had a day of rest. That's what Joel called them, but it wasn't like they actually rested the whole day; they just didn't travel. The land was generally so desolate... so barren... that when they hit patches of green, where wildlife could actually thrive, they took advantage and went hunting. Sometimes Joel just plain got sick and tired of being in the jeep. Ellie didn't usually, because she spent enough time riding Fox... and she finally got Joel to do that at times as well, leaving her to drive the jeep all by herself (oh the horror!). They could go a little faster this way, so why not do so in this remote area where not a soul resided?
They'd had zero threats from humans. Like, for ages now. Instead, they had to battle 'inclement weather' and fucked-up roads. Most of the time, those weren't too bad. They could detour off the highway when needed, or the jeep could traverse whatever debris blocked their path, if it wasn't a significant amount. But when the highway cut through rock and the passage was narrow... if the way was blocked, they would be screwed "six ways from Sunday" -- a Joel-ism that Ellie decided she liked the sound of (he claimed he hadn't made it up, but she had never heard anyone else say it before!). When they approached such a place and found a huge landslide of rock, Ellie thought they were done for. Backtracking on one of a dozen nearby California freeways was one thing, but having to backtrack entire days' worth -- maybe even a whole week? -- was just... unfathomable to her. -And to Joel as well, because he said no way in hell were they turning around due to "a few goddamn rocks." One way or another, they would get through.
And they did! Of course they did -- when Joel put his mind to something, he could do anything, Ellie was sure! His ankle still wasn't at a hundred percent, but it was much much better, and it didn't limit his mobility. They just had to do a little road excavation... first, to the point where they could climb over the rocks, and then to where the jeep could actually drive over them. They had to work from both sides of the barrier, using explosives... then gunshots, when those ran out... and even the shovel that lived in the jeep. When Joel felt satisfied that they'd done enough for the jeep to make it over safely, he let Ellie drive while he supervised, telling her to turn the wheel this way or that way... much like the winching. We make an awesome team!
Getting Fox to climb over was actually the most difficult part. Joel said he was happy to leave that up to her, and if she couldn't do it, they could excavate a little more, or maybe figure out a way to tow some of it loose. No way did Ellie want to do either of those things -- they'd spent enough time on this chore as it was! She didn't even attempt to coax the scared horse up on the rocks when she was riding him (Joel didn't like the idea), and Fox resisted when she walked in front of him and tried to tug him along after her. She ended up having to give Fox a stern talking-to, explaining that if he ever wanted to get to a nice farm where he could eat awesome things like apples and carrots and corn cobs and all the sweet grass he wanted, he had to climb the fucking hill, which really wasn't all that steep, because as he'd just seen, the jeep could do it, and wasn't he smarter than a machine? Joel snorted derisively at her attempt to reason with the horse, who surely couldn't comprehend a word she was saying... but right after that, Fox decided to cooperate! Ellie smugly made Joel take back his words of doubt, and he called her a horse whisperer (which sounds like someone who speaks softly to horses, but really, it's someone who can sort of get in their head and speak their language).
They did pass through some abandoned farms, but they weren't homey farms. They were all... industrialized. Buildings full of dead machinery. No cozy ranch houses to spend the night in. Ellie felt like they weren't real farms, and they were just making her more homesick. She missed her farm... well, Annie's... she wondered if the animals would remember her after all these months. Many of them were certainly dead by now, slaughtered over the winter. THAT'S a cheerful thought... well, the horses would be there. Would any of them remember her?
The school they encountered was actually pretty cozy-looking... although why the fuck it even existed if there were no houses anywhere near, Ellie couldn't say. Joel said the houses must be hiding in the mountains somewhere... but from the looks of things, that school had never had that many students (and there was virtually nothing to pilfer from it). Even the school in Jackson, which had never seemed like a real school to Ellie, was more respectable than this one.
After that, the highway turned west. They spent more than a day going in the wrong direction! Joel pointed out that it was northwest, so it wasn't completely the wrong or opposite direction, but that didn't make her any less annoyed by it. He also reminded her that this was not the most efficient route -- they'd taken that the first time (well, one of the two that they'd considered... but both of those led through Sacramento, so. Yeah). She couldn't help wondering at times if they should have just taken their first route. Sometimes she wondered it out loud:
"You know, except for the hunters, Sacramento really wasn't that bad. And we killed them all, so--"
"Of course it wasn't that bad. We spent a long time there."
"Uh... okay, so then why the fuck didn't we just go back there?!"
"Because it WAS bad."
"You just said--"
"We have bad memories in that city. Spent some of the worst days of our lives there."
"Yeah -- when we were apart. We'd be together this time! And it's so big -- we could have just gone a different way, if you wanted to avoid... memories or whatever!"
"That's also the way they'd be expectin' us to go, if they got wind of where we're headed. They'd reckon we'd have to be crazy to weave through all these goddamn mountains with snow an' road blockages an' whatnot when it's a bit more of a straight shot the other way. We haven't seen a helicopter since right after we left."
"...I actually forgot all about the helicopter. Okay, so they reckoned right -- we ARE crazy for going this way! We're going to starve up here, Joel."
"No we won't. ...I WAS just thinkin' we oughta try an' go huntin' again today, though."
"Hunting WHAT? Last time we didn't bag SHIT. Even the animals aren't crazy enough to live up here!"
"That ain't true. We've seen plenty of birds."
"Fuck birds -- I want like... a fucking DEER or something. Something I can eat my fill of and not be hungry three hours later."
"Maybe we'll get another bobcat instead. You liked that, didn'tcha?"
"I would've liked it better if you hadn't been all paranoid and insisted on cooking the shit out of it. You know what I really want? STRAWBERRIES. Are you SURE you're not stashing any more of those somewhere?"
"Sorry, kiddo. Remember I told you on your birthday to savor 'em."
"That was AGES ago."
"You mean a week ago."
"Longer than that!"
"Not by much. Don't worry, we'll find more. Maybe not as many as we did in California, but they should grow around here. This mountain range ain't so different from the last one we saw 'em at. We should find other berries, too."
"Whatever. You know what else I miss? Peanut butter."
"Ha -- that shit was NOT peanut butter."
"Yes it was! And BREAD -- omigod the first thing I'm gonna do when we get home is make TOAST!"
"I think that's maybe the tenth 'first thing' you're gonna do when we get home."
"I mean it this time! ...I guess I'm just hungry. And if I'M hungry, YOU must be STARVING."
Ellie knew Joel was supposed to eat more than her, because he was bigger. Joel tried to tell her that since she was likely at her adult size now (she hoped he was wrong, because she wanted to grow at least a couple inches taller), that rule didn't apply. That it was just for kids or something. Which made it sound like all adults need to consume the same amount, regardless of size. It just didn't make sense, but he refused to give himself extra when they divided things up. If she ate too fast, sometimes he'd even give her some of his portion, claiming he was already full, when there was no fucking way he could have been. And he was so infuriatingly stubborn as fuck about it!
"I'm full, kiddo. If you don't eat it, it's gonna go to waste," he'd say. And if she refused to eat it, suggesting that he eat it later if he was too stubborn to eat it now, he would simply ignore it for hours -- or what felt like hours? -- until Ellie would finally just give in and wolf down the meager helping. That seemed to make him happy, and making him happy was like her main goal in life... but it only made her feel marginally less guilty about eating his food.
How he had ever managed to find strawberries and hide them from her for a couple days until her birthday, Ellie never knew. They weren't the freshest, juiciest ones she'd ever had, and yet she was convinced they were the best ones. Joel had teased her about moaning louder while eating them than she had during sex. A lie, of course, but Ellie had snarkily retorted that they were better than the sex.
...And then later had to confess that was bullshit, because she felt so bad. Joel hadn't seem offended or disturbed by the remark... if anything, he'd been amused... and he didn't even try to use it as an excuse later to avoid sex. (She could totally see him doing that: "Why bother? I can't compete with the goddamn strawberries...." -But he didn't!) She just couldn't help wondering if part of him maybe kinda sorta believed it, even just a little bit, and that was enough to eat at her conscience.
Enough to make her address it right after an orgasm, even, in a truck bed that they'd turned into a sleeping bed.
"Joel, I was just kidding about the strawberries. You know that, right?"
"...What?"
"When I said I liked them better than sex! I lied."
"Mm."
"Cuz there's nothing in the WORLD I like better than... making love. With you. It's my favorite thing ever."
"Mm."
"Fruit is nice and all, but it's... not... yeah. ...Okay, well, I just wanted to make sure you knew."
"..."
"I only said it cuz you were teasing me about--"
"Ellie--"
"I know, I know -- 'Shut up an' kiss me so I can finish, damnit!' ...Right? Ha!"
She had pulled him on top of her, that time. The handcuffs were a lot of fun, but she longed to feel the weight of his body on hers... his arms around her -- or, alongside her, more like, but same effect: she felt engulfed or surrounded by him. Where she could squeeze him as hard as she could... rake her nails down his back... (she still couldn't believe he actually liked when she did it hard enough to leave angry-looking red marks, but he insisted it was hot) Yep, those strawberries were yummy, but... sex is yummier!
The next time they reached a hotel in an actual town -- a 'newer' ghost town named Jackpot -- they happened to have excellent timing for once. The sun was painting a masterpiece to their left (hooray for going NORTH again! Ellie really hated how the road kept winding back and forth, making it feel like they were climbing a string of never-ending letter 'S's) when Cactus Pete's popped up on the horizon. Ellie didn't even ask Joel's opinion on whether they should spend the night there -- she stated it as fact. Even if Joel had argued with her, she happened to be the one in the driver's seat then, so he was pretty much at her mercy.
It was a hotel casino. Which meant that the lobby wasn't just a lobby -- it was a ginormous room full of machines that people used to put money in, hoping to turn it into more (but according to Joel, the machines kept waaaaay more money than they gave out). And there were tables where you could play games -- like poker! -- with other people to try to take their money. She didn't have to ask Joel if they could take a tour of it -- because that's exactly what they would need to do anyway, to make sure the place was deserted! Since Joel wasn't usually making her wait outside anymore while he vetted places, she got to see it all... but he certainly wasn't in tour guide mode when he was checking for hunters and Infected. She had to keep her mouth shut... keep all her questions and observations inside. Even when they got to the hotel room part of the place. She knew the drill: the less she spoke, the sooner Joel would feel at ease, even though his gut would've told him by now if there were people around (a fact that kept her from feeling guilty about doing more 'sight-seeing' than actual searching -- and he did tell her to pick out the room she wanted to claim for the night, as long as it wasn't one near the beehives... even though they couldn't tell if there were any actual bees in residence... (yeah, he didn't have to tell her twice!)).
When he was satisfied that the only people sharing the grounds with them were some random skeletons (poor souls who had never made it six feet under)... after they'd gotten Fox settled and lugged all their shit inside... Joel told her to hold her questions until tomorrow because it was too dark to see everything properly anyhow. "But speakin' of that," he added, "casinos were always kept dark. You've seen 'em in movies, yeah?"
She couldn't think of any specific movie, but yes, she knew that the machines would light up... "Cuz people go to them at night. Right? It's like a party type thing? They drink booze and stuff?" As soon as she ditched her holster belt, Ellie flopped on the bed crosswise. Feels so good to lie down!
It would take Joel a little longer to strip down to flop level. "Folks would also go durin' the daytime. They prob'ly wanted it dark inside to make all the lights look better... or avoid glare an' whatnot... but the real reason is they want people to lose track of time. That way, they spend more money, see."
"For real?"
"Yep. That's also why there's no clocks out there. And the design of it, the layout... they don't make it real obvious where the exit is. Don't make it easy for you to even remember where you came in. They want you to wander around an' spend more money."
There was only enough natural light left to see his silhouette, but she would guess he was about thirty seconds away from flopping beside her. ...And there wasn't nearly enough light for her to see that glimmer in his eye that let her know he was messing with her (if she was lucky enough to catch it, that is). "No shit?"
"No shit."
"Huh." It seemed unlikely that most people would be stupid enough to spend extra money by walking around longer than they originally intended, and to not wear a watch in there to keep track of time... but, Joel had also told her there were a lot more stupid people in the world back in his day. "I did kind of get turned around a little, but I thought it was cuz I was so busy looking at stuff that I wasn't paying enough attention. I mean -- I would have -- paid more attention, I mean -- if you weren't right there with me -- or if your people radar went off," she added, to ward off any potential lectures bubbling up inside him.
"It's all right," he chuckled knowingly. "I knew you'd be distracted. And that was only seein' it in the dark... imagine if it was all lit up. All the flashin' lights an' noise. -Shit... I can't even imagine it anymore. All those strangers millin' around? That would be nerve-wrackin' as hell."
Ellie couldn't imagine it that well, either. "But that was normal for you once. Right? Huge crowds -- of strangers -- and you didn't even carry your gun around? So weird."
"It was a different world, all right." Joel eased down (rather than flopped) beside her. "Damn, this bed feels nice."
"Fuck yeah it does," Ellie agreed. "And if the blanket's not too nasty, we're taking it."
Joel chuckled. "We're gonna have souvenir blankets from... all the classiest hotels in the west."
"Ha! This one is pretty nice..."
"No, it's tacky. You saw that big ol' neon cactus sign, didn'tcha?"
"The neon would look cool if it would actually light up, though!"
"Tacky," Joel insisted.
She scooted her top half over enough to lay her head on his chest; it was so nice to have all this room to stretch out! She was in her favorite place: right over his heart. "I wish we could like... hitch this place to the jeep and tow it all the way to Jackson. Then plug it in and light it up. I think the whole town would fit in here. The people, I mean. Not all the houses and everything."
"Easily. The town and the animals." He started running his hand over her back.
"Good -- I miss them too, you know. More than some of the people!"
"I know. We'll reach the Emerald City soon enough. We're more than halfway there."
Ellie liked that he continued to call it the Emerald City... although she didn't refer to it that way very often herself, which made her wonder if the memories of the shit that started the Wizard of Oz jokes plagued him more than-- no, they're ghosts, so they HAUNT him, of course! For the most part, she'd put all that Pacheco Pass weirdness behind her. "You know what, Toto? This place should be the Emerald City. The city of Jackpot, I mean. Er... those are supposed to be full of gold, though, not emeralds..."
"Pot of gold, you're thinkin' of... that's leprechauns."
"Whatever. None of it's real." Ghosts... aliens... now leprechauns? It all sounded so out there to Ellie, but then, people used to think that about zombies, too... infected people weren't called that, but it was pretty much the same fucking thing.
"A real jackpot would be a pot full of..." He paused, which Ellie took as a prompt to fill in the blank.
"Food! Any kind. I mean as long as it's edible. Like, nothing rotten or gross."
"Food, huh? Not love?"
"Nope!" she giggled. Joel the romantic!
"Food it is, then. ...Strawberries?"
"Yes! Oh fuck -- don't even talk about those right now." Her mouth was already watering!
"You still wanna save the almonds for the mornin'?"
"Yeah -- I told you!"
"All right. It's just... your stomach's growlin' somethin' fierce."
"Thanks to you. You mentioned strawberries! ...We should take tomorrow off and go hunting again."
"We just took--"
"No we didn't," Ellie cut him off. I KNEW he was going to say we just did it! "It's been six days. Tomorrow is seven. The last couple times were just partials."
Joel sighed. "The problem with takin' whole ones is it nearly defeats the purpose of goin' huntin' in the first place when we gotta eat it all by the next day."
"But we find fruit and stuff, too. Sometimes." The most recent 'and stuff' was a can of tomato soup -- man, was that good! And gone way too soon. The almonds were Joel's responsibility to dole out; they'd had a pretty decent amount to start with in Ray and Jan's care package, but it was so easy to just pop them in your mouth mindlessly. Like... they were just there. Begging to be eaten. So she'd asked Joel to hide them from her: if she didn't know where they were, she couldn't pig out! Every time she happened upon them, she immediately gave him the sack and made him hide them again in a new spot. Once he'd put them in her backpack, and she didn't find them for like three days. He had even removed their daily ration from there without her noticing (she suspected he woke up early just to do that!). He'd claimed that he just wanted to see how long they'd stay "practically hidden in plain sight."
Ellie drummed her fingers lightly on Joel's stomach. "Yours is rumbling too, you know. We shouldn't've eaten so early. It's not like it was at all warm out today."
"It wasn't refrigerator-cold like nighttime, though. Better to be safe than sorry."
Joel was such a walking cliché sometimes.
"The bright side: we got a day off from making a fucking fire!" she said happily. Ellie still loved campfires, but when it came to making them... well, they'd gotten really spoiled at Golden Sands. Even when they'd helped with the fire, the wood was all ready and waiting for them! It was safer to cook all the meat at once anyway, so sometimes they didn't bother with a fire the next night. And sometimes, they still did -- because nighttime was cold. They had to assess their tiredness versus their coldness and decide which one to heed.
"The crow wasn't that bad cold, with the sauce," Joel mused.
Sauce made from elderberries. Which were poisonous unless you cooked the shit out of them -- or cooked the poison out of them... "Not bad at all. We've got enough sauce for at least a couple more?"
"Mm. Possibly even a murder."
...Yes, he actually said that. "Ugh -- you're such a dork," Ellie teased him affectionately. She didn't think he was bullshitting earlier about a flock of crows being called a 'murder,' because it sounded vaguely familiar to her... but it seemed like one of those things people had said in ancient times that no one said anymore. Like calling a car a 'horseless carriage.' (So, naturally, he had then started to refer to the jeep that way on occasion -- even though technically it wasn't even horseless most of the time!) She twisted herself around so she was facing him, even though now it was dark enough that she really couldn't see shit. "I hope we find two or three murders, because I'm hungry enough to eat them all!" It didn't matter how many were in the murder, because after that first shot rang out, those motherfuckers would be gone. They could never seem to get more than two at a time.
"I'm sorry, baby girl." The hand that had been rubbing her back now caressed her cheek. "Maybe we'll get some rabbits. Squirrels. A turkey -- that would be real good with that sauce."
"That would be awesome." Her mouth was watering so much now she was practically drooling on Joel. "Can we not talk about food please?"
"Good idea. Scoot up... why don't we go up here an' lay down... the normal way..."
"We're not going to bed yet, right? I still have to brush my teeth if we are. Especially since we're gonna have water again!" They hadn't actually run out of water, but they'd gone into what Joel called 'conservation mode' (which was more like 'super conservation mode,' because it's not like they ever really wasted it?), using the water more for drinking than anything else. However, the map was predicting a river in their immediate future, and both of them needed a proper bath pretty badly.
"Not quite yet, I guess... although if we lay here too long we ain't gonna feel like doin' all that in a bit." He tucked her more cozily into the crook of his arm. "Shit -- I should at least freshen up before--"
"No! I told you, I don't mind. It's like old times." She knew he was referring to putting on deodorant, in this case. We didn't even have that back then! Or toothpaste and mouthwash! Of course, they also hadn't been snuggling and kissing back then, either...
"If you say so. Still... I know it's nice havin' a bed an' all, but I don't think we should mess around. Maybe tomorrow after we're nice'n'clean."
"Wasn't even thinking about it, Joel. Seriously."
"Oh. All right then. ...Good. I guess."
She giggled softly. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you were disappointed. How backwards is that?"
"Not backwards at all. It ain't like sex with you is a chore."
"I know, but still." I know you won't admit it if it IS a chore, cuz you don't want to hurt my feelings...
"It's just... ain't it about that time where you go into overdrive?"
"What -- before the Red River floods? Um... I guess? I'll have to check." She used her calendar pages to track that, too. With a little squiggly mark for a wave to represent the 'river.'
"Your cycle can get out of whack on the road, though. At least it did on the Boston trip."
"Yeah -- when we had less food. I think my stomach yells at my... lady bits? and tells them to fuck off. Like I'M the one that needs her attention now! or something." It was weird... it wasn't like she was starving all the time, because there were times they ate a fair amount of food. Like half of what they would eat in civilization... maybe even more. But her stomach would like... be on high alert all the time or something. "You're not gonna get all weird this time if the ~river~ doesn't flow on the right day, are you? Cuz I don't think we--"
"I don't get all weird," Joel grumbled.
"You do! And there's no reason to even think I might-- I mean, do I have to explain pulling out to you?"
Joel chuckled. "Now that is backwards. You explainin' sex to me."
"Well, I would know if you came inside me. And you haven't."
"How can you be sure?"
"...Uh... sure of what?"
"Maybe you wouldn't feel it. Things are... lubed up pretty good in there, by that time..."
"Well, even so, it would feel like... what are those things called that shoot water straight up in a big POOF! like?" Not a fountain...
"A geyser?"
"Yeah! Like that."
"Unless it just... oozes slowly. If you've never felt it, you can't be certain you'd feel it when it happens."
"Yeah I can. I mean... there's plenty of stuff I've never felt that I know I would feel. Like... I've never been shot in the face, but I'm pretty sure--"
"Stop -- that's disgusting, Ellie. What would even make you think of that?"
It took her a moment to realize he'd misunderstood; his choice of the word 'disgusting' tipped her off, though. "Ha! I meant with a gun. As in... bullets? Being shot?"
"...Oh. Right."
"Man... someone has a filthy mind around here!" She giggled. "You won't even shoot it in my mouth, so yeah, I can't see you spraying it on my face. Eww. But -- speaking of shooting that -- that's another reason we know-- I mean, there's always this big mess, after."
"Sometimes there ain't that much, though, an' the timin' of it... we've had some close calls."
"You always say that! Nothing recent, though, right?" Even on her birthday, when he'd obviously been worried about not having control over that, it hadn't been close. Ellie had been tempted, sure... but she'd been smart enough to realize that if she abused his trust there, he'd never agree to be handcuffed again. (Plus, she didn't particularly want to get pregnant, either. She just really wished he could finish inside her!) "Like since my last period. Nothing close enough to make you freak out?"
"I wasn't freaked out. But no, nothin'... nothin' like that."
"You were so happy when I got it." She didn't mean to sound accusatory or anything, but...
"I was. Yes."
I don't know why I can't just let this go. Like a sweater with a thread that you can't resist tugging. ...Someone sang a song about that... about unraveling the whole sweater 'til the dude's naked... ahhhhh I can't remember how it goes! (Ellie was looking forward to getting back into the huge music collection at the library.)
"And you're upset about that," Joel presumed.
...Because I was quiet for a moment, I'm upset? "No I'm not. I'm not exactly... not upset... but I'm not upset-upset."
Joel sighed. "Felt like we dodged a bullet. What's wrong with bein' happy about that?"
She really wished he would stop using that expression in this regard; the bullet still stung, for some reason, so the 'dodged' label didn't really apply. What I really wish is we could just have sex like a normal couple, and if it happens, it happens. Like it's MEANT TO BE. Besides, what were the chances she'd even get pregnant? It had taken Tommy and Maria years to do it. And they were fucking TRYING to! "Is the thought of having children with me really that horrifying?" she asked quietly.
"Oh no -- we are not havin' this conversation again."
"Again? We've never really--"
"You know I don't want kids. And you're too young. Way too young."
"I'm not saying we should have kids right now or anything... but I'm almost as old as you were when you had Sarah," she pointed out.
"Which is how I know you're too young," he replied. Because of course he had an answer for everything.
Ellie snorted. "The world's a little different now, Joel. Think about it... you said you made a lot of mistakes with Sarah... if you had another chance to--"
"You can't replace one child with another, Ellie."
"I know that. I was just saying... you could do things right, this time around. You know? Because it wouldn't be as hard. You wouldn't--"
"You think it's easy raisin' kids in this world?" Joel scoffed.
"Well, we'd be in Jackson, of course, not Outside." Duh!
"Uh-huh. Where people don't even know we're together. Sure, that wouldn't be strange at all, us havin' a kid."
Oh, perfect segue! "Yeah, about that... we were supposed to discuss how to handle things. If we wanna keep hiding or not. Sounds like you... maybe already made up your mind...?"
"We can discuss it. Maintainin' the status quo is... the safest course of action, is all. So yes, that's what I'm leanin' toward." He started playing with her hair, idly tugging strands out of her ponytail.
"Uh... except the rock thing happened even though we denied all the rumors. I don't think hiding makes us safe. Unless people have mellowed out over the winter." Ellie wondered if Tommy and Maria had ever found out who had busted their window... or maybe someone would have confessed, after they left? "Can we go back to our house? Not Tommy'n'Maria's?"
"Thought you wanted to bond with the baby."
"I do, of course. He's family." ...Wait for it...
"Or she."
There it is! "Or she, except it's totally going to be a boy and I'm so winning that bet."
"Bein' around a screamin' infant all the time might cure you of your baby fever."
"Baby fever?! What the fuck kind of sickness is that?"
"Nothin'. You don't have it anyhow... I was exaggeratin'."
"O...kay... so, yeah -- I can ~bond with the baby~ and still live in our house, you know. We're over there kind of a lot as it is. Or... we were, even before we lived with them, I mean. Hey -- can you itch my head right there?"
"Scratch," he corrected her. "You scratch an itch, you don't--"
"Whatever. Right where... no, to the left... yeah, there. Really hard." Her hair was so dirty she wondered if Joel even enjoyed touching it right now. "That's good. Thanks."
"I'll wash it for you tomorrow," he offered.
"Aww, you will?" Man, he MUST be feeling safe out here... Ellie knew he kind of liked washing it, but she couldn't remember him ever offering to do that Outside. Maybe after she had gotten so sick last year, but Sophie had been her bath buddy then, so... "I miss Sophie," she sighed.
Joel chuckled. "I can wash hair just as good as her."
"Pfff. I doubt it -- she was into hair. It was like... her thing."
"I'm into yours."
"Your fingers are, maybe," she giggled. "Even when it's all nasty, like right now? Gross. You don't have to pet it. Fuck, we're not even in bed yet."
"We're... on bed," Joel agreed.
"Yes! ON bed. I like that. Okay -- if you can French braid my hair after you wash it, I'll agree that you're just as good as Sophie at hair stuff."
"Deal."
She gave him a Look, even though he couldn't see it. "What? You don't know how to French braid!"
"Oh, it has to be done right? You didn't specify that."
She swatted him. "Suuuuuch a dork," she repeated. "I can't believe I didn't make you learn it when she taught me. What was I thinking? I'm not good enough to do it on myself!"
"So you'll teach Annie an' she'll do it for you."
"Yes! I totally will. Good idea. Fuck -- I miss her, too... she better not be with Jacob again. If she is, I'm breaking them up. First thing when we get home." Yet another 'first' thing!
"What happened to mindin' your own business? Like you wish other people would when it comes to us?"
"That's different. You're not a lying cheating douchebag."
"Mm. Depends on who you ask, I reckon."
"No it doesn't. People might have different opinions about you, but if they think that, they're just wrong." Jeez, this conversation's wandering all over the place-- "So are we? Gonna live in our house?"
He had pulled enough of her hair free that he could run his fingers through it now... and he kept scratching her scalp intermittently (which felt pretty fucking awesome -- even nicer than the soft petting). "You know what I like? That you're callin' it our house now. Not my house."
Ellie hadn't realized it, but... yeah, I'm THINKING of it more as our house than his house. "I guess all your lecturing paid off, huh?"
"I didn't lecture you about it."
"You corrected me. Every time I said 'your.' Maybe it's cuz... well, our room -- our suite, at the resort? That always felt like ours. So now I'm used to it or something."
"I see. ...No connection to Tommy there."
"Um... I guess? I dunno. Maybe it's cuz we were a couple there? Like equals? Not like father and daughter."
"That shouldn't matter. Kids still call their houses their own, you know. And Tommy's your family, too. Like you jus' said, with the baby... we're all family."
"I know." It still gave Ellie a warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach to hear him say it out loud, though. "So are we or aren't we?" she asked yet again. "Cuz if we are... I might not mind the lying so much. About us. If we're with Tommy and Maria..."
"Separate rooms..."
"Ugh -- no way. I'm fixing that, remember?" By pretending to be a total wuss! Except... it's not really pretending anymore?
"So you got... re-traumatized on the road. Can't sleep by yourself."
"Exactly! I mean... it's kind of true."
"No nightmares for a while, though."
"Yeah... now it's your turn!"
"I've always had 'em. Past couple decades, at least."
"Yeah, but... not like... that one last night was worse." And he had refused to tell her what it was about. Ellie liked to tell Joel about hers... liked to hear him reiterate that all the shit that happened in the dream wasn't real. It made her feel better. But Joel never wanted to tell her about his. Never.
"Sorry I scared you."
"You didn't scare me! I just... wanted to make you feel better. Like you always help me."
"Mine are different than yours."
"Like how?" she urged him.
"...They just are."
"Christ on a cracker," she muttered; she supposed the Sophie-ism had popped into her mind since she'd just been missing her. "But these ones... I mean... they're different from Sacramento. Right? Cuz you let me help you then. After those."
"I don't mean to... not let you. I've just got a lot on my mind. But... yes, you did help me then. A lot. Drifted right on back to sleep with you pettin' me, tellin' me it's all right... bein' so goddamn cute."
"I can still be that goddamn cute! If you'd just let me hold you and stuff-- ugh, okay, just answer the fucking question already, please? ARE WE STAYING IN OUR HOUSE OR NOT!"
"Easy. I was about to last time but you kept on talkin'. I was thinkin'... yes, we move back in there... and we put up a fence. A wall, if we can swing it. With a gate. Make ourselves a little yard."
"Like... make it a fortress within the Emerald City fortress?"
"Exactly."
Ellie considered this. "With traps? Like Bill's?"
"No, nothin' that hostile," Joel chuckled. "I was thinkin' more along the lines of motion sensor lights, all around the outside. So if anyone does get into the yard, we know they're there."
Ellie didn't think a light flicking on outside would wake her from a dead sleep, but she supposed it could wake one-eye-open Joel. "You can hear people coming, though, so why bother with lights?"
"I didn't, that night. They were too far away, and I was asleep. They'd have to get closer to mess with us -- inside the gate. They'd trip the lights. And if that ain't enough of a deterrent... we could put up a security camera."
"What? We don't have any of those in Jackson! ...Do we?" Do NOT think about the fucking base right now...
"Then we get one. It wouldn't have to be a real one... wouldn't have to actually record... no one has to know. As long as it has a little light on it -- somethin' that lights up, so it looks like it records. They won't know how it works -- won't know if there's surveillance footage bein' transmitted to Tommy'n'Maria or somethin' like that -- so it'll scare 'em."
"That would rock!" She loved that Joel had actually been thinking about all of this already. "And if anyone bitches about special treatment or something -- well, first of all, fuck them--"
"They really don't give us special treatment, though."
"Because we don't really ask for anything! But if people bitch, we have reasons for all this. If their house gets vandalized, then maybe they can get security systems, too. Oh hey, maybe Peter could help us!"
"Peter?"
"Yeah, don't you remember? He was telling us about his olden times job -- how he used to install security systems!"
"...Real ones?"
"Yes! You don't remember. They shared their dinner with us, we were sitting around the fire... you, me, Sophie, Peter, Lydia, and Brian?" People Ellie hadn't interacted with much at home... that she remembered fondly now, thanks to the cool 'road family' feeling associated with the memory.
"All I remember about that dinner is that it was funny as hell to see you glarin' daggers at Sophie for flirtin' with Brian... and you were makin' pointed little remarks to Brian about his girlfriend back home..."
"Well, I didn't like Sophie yet. And they shouldn't've been flirting!"
"It wasn't that bad."
"Yes it was! You just didn't notice." A year ago, Ellie hadn't known all that much about flirting, but after all that how-to-make-Joel-love-me research she'd done in the library, she had become somewhat of an expert on the subject.
"Whether it was or not, I'll remind you again: it's none of your business."
"Yeah, yeah. I don't know what my problem was, really... I mean, it's you I didn't want her flirting with."
"She wasn't--"
"I knoooowwww," Ellie groaned. "She was a little at first. Even if you don't think it counts. But she cut that shit out pretty quick. It's like... she knew about us, even before she knew. Before we told her. Like it just started to dawn on her after she was with us for a while. You know? So... since Sophie knows, and Alex knows... if they come back to Jackson, it would be weird for them to pretend we're still father and daughter!"
Joel snorted. "That is one pathetic argument for us comin' clean. For all we know, they're never comin' back. They're happy... they have no family except each other, an' they're together, so--"
"What if Alex and Nina wanna have kids? Jackson's a way better place to raise a kid. People there... I mean, they might have sticks up their asses, some of them... but at least they don't send kids off to whore themselves to horny soldiers."
"Mm. ...Thought you said Parker'n'Caleb were like a real couple."
"Well -- I mean -- they are, kind of. Except they're weird in certain ways. And the way they got together was like... as skeezy as it gets. I wasn't really thinking about them, though. More like... how long would it be before someone brings Gabby over there?"
Joel groaned softly. "The six-year-old? Shit. I'm glad we killed that bastard with a thing for young--"
"We killed him?" she interjected. Sometimes she wondered if Joel really did forget that his lie wasn't true!
"You killed him," he amended. "And maybe by now they're rethinkin' that whole... exchange program."
"Yeah. I hope so." She felt bad if she had fucked things up for Parker with Caleb by doing what she did, but she did hope that the two groups had stopped trading sex for stuff because of it.
They fell silent. Ellie was content listening to Joel's heart beating, his stomach scowling... (that's the action it sounded like to her, anyway!)... she could've pushed him more about the things they needed to discuss before getting home, but it was probably better to do that in the daytime anyway. When they could actually see each other. When they weren't worn out from the day.
Joel patted her head before rolling away from her and getting up. "Stay here. I'm gonna do a quick walk-around."
...Stay here? What the fuck? "I'll come with you!" She started to get up, too.
"No, it's all right. There's no one around."
"Still!"
He had to switch his flashlight on to gear up. "It'll be a good test for me. See if I can let you out of my sight."
Ellie snorted. "You do that every day -- on 'nature' breaks!" Sometimes only BARELY... but it still counts! She sat on the edge of the bed and watched him put on... just the one holster belt, she would assume. Probably the hip one.
He ignored her nature comment. "Bolt the door behind me. The patio door's locked already. And... keep your flashlight on. It's too dark out. Where'd you put it..."
"It's already on the table -- see? I'm ahead of you. But I don't need it. ...You really don't want me to come with you?"
"Just need to clear my head a little. I won't be long."
"...That's not an answer."
As predicted, he did only bother with the one holster belt. He mussed her dirty hair and kissed her forehead. "You can get ready for bed while I'm gone. All right? Just don't go far."
They usually did that together. Did I piss him off somehow? He doesn't SEEM pissed, but it's kinda hard to tell sometimes... she could ask him, of course, but she didn't want to make a big deal out of nothing. Besides, he might just lie. Knowing -- or strongly suspecting -- that he lied would be worse than not knowing anything.
She must have been frowning or looking perturbed in some way, because he paused at the door and looked at her for a long moment. "It'll only be ten minutes or so. Okay? ...Ellie?"
"Okay," she grumbled.
"Lock the door," he reminded her.
And he was gone. The room was pitch black again. ...Almost... true pitch black was impossible to have in a room with ambient light, even if there was only a teensy bit.
Ellie switched on her flashlight. I'll just turn it off before I let him back in... since I told him I don't need it... wait -- if I'm getting ready for bed I kind of need it!
But I need to get over that stupid... whatever-it-is. She couldn't even remember most of that time she'd spent in the darkness. And what she did remember wasn't the dark so much as... feelings. Especially that intense fear she'd had of Joel being dead. How she wished she knew if he was or wasn't so she would know if she should fight to stay alive or not. It was easier to be afraid in the dark, with your mind filling in all the blanks of what you couldn't see. And I was ZERO feet under... how much darker is it SIX feet under? What's darker than pitch black?!
It wasn't just being in the dark -- it was being alone. When you're dead, you're both! It struck her that she needed to tell someone not to bury her when she died. Just let her corpse rot in the sun like so many others they'd seen... where maybe a person could happen upon it every so often and wonder who she was and what had happened to her, and then she wouldn't be alone. She could tell Joel, but he would laugh it off and say he didn't plan on burying her because he planned on going first. ...He was probably right, and she didn't want to think about that.
Why am I thinking about ANY of it right now? Ugh!
Focus on the task at hand. She grabbed the toilet paper and bathroom bag (Joel always called it a train case, but Ellie thought that was silly -- it had probably never even been on a train!), then slipped out the patio door and hopped the railing.
It was a nice night. A bit chilly, but clear and calm. Ellie didn't really need the flashlight, once she got situated. The moon was just a sliver, and not much use to her, but it wasn't like she needed to see what she was doing -- and she had apparently absorbed some of Joel's paranoia about shining lights outside at night. It was a little weird, being out there without him nearby. ...And kinda weird that he TOLD me to come out here without him? I mean... 'lock the door, Ellie, but then go on out back by yourself' - ? That's what it amounted to. They had just cleared the place a few minutes ago, but still. Joel usually liked her to stick close to him. Maybe he trusts me more now?
Again, she was torn between wanting Joel to treat her like an adult and wanting him to protect her like a child. She mulled it over for the umpteenth time while she went pee... brushed her teeth... washed her face and hands... she was careful not to use too much water. She was probably more mindful of that than she was of her surroundings, even though she knew she was supposed to be super alert when Joel wasn't with her. I should be scared enough to do that automatically, but... I'm not? I don't think? It's just WEIRD that he's not here, when he totally could be... and it's also weird that I don't know how I feel because all I can think about is how I think JOEL feels... do I do that a lot? I don't THINK so... maybe just when he does something out of the ordinary like this...
As much as it felt like they were the same person at times, there was plenty she didn't know about him. Like what would possess him to want to walk around in the dark without her right now.
She decided she didn't really want to hang out in that dark room by herself; it might be safer, but it wasn't pleasant. She flashed her light on just enough to see where the little patio table was so she could deposit the bathroom stuff there. Since she might not be able to hear Joel with the patio door shut, she opened it a crack -- and heard rapping on the front door. Fuck! Her heart skipped a beat--
"Ellie! Open up!"
Of course it was only Joel. Who the fuck else would it be?! She exhaled in relief. "Gimme a sec!" She slipped inside and set her lit flashlight on the nightstand, then hurried over to unlock the front door. "No way was that ten minutes!" she said as she opened it. "I was out back. So... is your head all clear now?"
"Oh yeah. Nothin' left in there," he said lightly.
She locked the door behind him and watched him cross the room, to the corner where they'd piled their bags. He seems okay... I guess... She wasn't sure why, but she thought he might give her a hug and kiss when he returned. Which was dumb, because he'd only been gone a handful of minutes! "You... wanna talk about anything?" she offered, even though she knew full well he'd just say--
"No, I'm good. Thank you."
Ellie would just have to wonder what that was all about, it seemed. Which was fine... really... just...
No, REALLY. It's fine.
She supposed the man was entitled to some privacy. It didn't necessarily have to mean anything. And... maybe he was only gone a few minutes because it bothered him to be away from her for even that tiny amount of time? I hope so!
It was selfish of her to feel that way, but she couldn't help it. After all, there was no danger of him leaving her if he physically could not leave her. She knew she wasn't supposed to worry about that... but she couldn't seem to help that, either. The fear wasn't as gripping as it used to be, back when they were new, but it was still there... gnawing at her gut, not unlike how she imagined Joel's 'people feeling' gnawed at his. I guess it ain't going nowhere, she thought gloomily. You can't really love someone with every fiber of your being and NOT be scared shitless of losing them. Scared of... him going six feet under, sure. She'd always been scared of that. But she also felt like he might just... go, period. How many times had he assured he wasn't going anywhere? Why couldn't she just believe him already?
...Because he hasn't said it super recently, maybe? But he shouldn't HAVE to. And he did say he likes how confident I've become about us. He would probably reassure her if she just flat-out asked him -- again -- for the umpteenth time, it seemed -- and yet... Ellie didn't quite dare. Not because she thought he wouldn't say it... but maybe this time, she would see something in his eyes, hear something in his voice... she would know it was a lie. Then what would she do?!
It was just one of those things that landed in the 'better not to think about' category. She knew Joel had plenty of those... Ellie was trying to cultivate that mindset.
She watched him root through the bags. Looking for... the bathroom stuff, maybe? She could just tell him she left it outside. ...And then he'd march right out there again. Fuck... I really wanna know what's up with him... except... maybe I don't? ...It's too quiet-- "I knew it -- you totally have a secret stash of strawberries somewhere, right? You just wanted to surprise me. If we can't have sex, we can at least have strawberries?" She tried to sound hopeful, or playful... and NOT lame...
"Sorry, kiddo," he replied absently as he continued to search. "Where'd you put the train case?"
He still hasn't even touched me, since he came back in here... she had no idea why that even mattered. What did she want from him? He hadn't done anything that should make her feel... insecure, or... What the fuck is wrong with me? Whatever it was, she didn't care to figure it out. She just came up behind Joel and hugged him as he started to stand up.
He didn't shrug her off or push her away (...of course he didn't. Why would he?). Not only that -- he twisted around so he could return the embrace. He didn't ask her about the bag again... didn't tease her... didn't ask if she was okay... fuck, I wouldn't even know how to answer that...
But he didn't ask her anything. He just held her. Engulfed her in his arms completely, just the way she liked. -The way they both liked.
And that simple gesture was all it took to make her feel a million times better. He loves me so much -- it's silly of me to worry! "It's outside, on the table," she finally answered him. "I'll go with you... if you want. Or I can just wait. Whichever." She even meant that -- it wasn't a test.
"Come with me. You can be my lookout. How 'bout I brush your hair out after that? It's a bit... it could use a good brushin'."
It could use a good WASHING, more than brushing... and if they were going to wash it tomorrow, they might as well wait 'til then to give it a good brushing. But Ellie just smiled into Joel's shirt. "Okay."
~Continue to Chapter 23~