"Singularity" Chapter 13: "Rules of the Road" [13/49]
Title: "Singularity" Chapter 13: "Rules of the Road" [13/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,509
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
Joel never could stay mad at Ellie for long. She didn't always do the right thing... but her motives were so damn pure. Her heart was 'in the right place' -- only it was actually the wrong one, as far as Joel was concerned. It's a wonder that it ain't got her killed yet, he thought darkly.
She cared about people... that was fine. Joel just had to get her to not trust them so easily. If it weren't for her worrying about what would become of ME, would she have gone with that motherfucker back to their base? He could lecture her about soldiers 'til the cows came home and she would just dismiss it as him being 'biased.' She'd point out that the Monterey guys were 'friendlies,' or that Jackson had been trading with the military for years with no trouble. ~Respect them and they'll respect you~ -- all that bullshit. Never mind all the ones that had tried to kill them on the way over from Boston -- or even those friendlies in Monterey. Ellie didn't take that personally. She understood the whole we-hurt-you/you-hurt-us-back cycle. He had hoped that since she'd had such a bad personal experience with one now, she would develop a healthier fear of them -- like she had for hunters -- but in spite of that, she seemed to think that that Caleb guy wouldn't have hurt her. (She had scoffed at Joel for suggesting it and said of course she knew he was dangerous... but if that were true, taking him down -- not talking him down -- would have been her Plan A.)
Joel's Rules of the Road for this trip were nearly the same as last time: avoid engagement whenever possible. Be it other travelers, hunters, Infected... leave them be. One difference: the military was to automatically be considered the enemy -- and a threat too great to be ignored. A military base of any kind was to be avoided, naturally, but any soldiers out in the wild? Those needed to be killed as if they were wild animals looking to make a meal out of them. Ellie hadn't liked that comparison.
"Wild animals, Joel? They ARE human beings."
"Not to us, they ain't. You wanna keep this damn jeep? We gotta kill anyone who lays eyes on it."
"But whoever we run into out here... they might not even be looking for US. They might be hunting REAL bad guys, like hunters or Infected or something."
"Maybe. But we gotta assume the soldiers have ways of talkin' to each other. To other bases around the country. They might have shoot-on-sight orders on account of us killin' five men."
"They won't necessarily know it was us..."
"Two civilians in a stolen army jeep? After gettin' warned by Monterey? They'll know."
"Maybe they won't think-- okay, yeah, it KINDA looks like an army jeep..."
"It's army green, with a star and a number and 'U.S. ARMY' painted on the hood."
"You said they don't actually use jeeps anymore, though, right?"
"Well, apparently, they do now."
"Whatever -- I'm gonna find us some spray paint somewhere along the way to take care of that."
"It's still a jeep. A little spray paint ain't gonna fool 'em."
"Hey, you LIKED stealing it. You said it was a good idea!"
"I liked the idea of removin' it from the 'scene of the crime.' When I thought they'd possibly have no way of tyin' those dead men to us -- that they might not even find their bodies -- it didn't bother me so much to be drivin' around in it."
"And I fucked that up."
"That part, yes. But the more I think about it, the more I think it don't matter if they do or they don't. If they get the word out that it's stolen... well, it ain't like there's that many stolen vehicles -- or just plain OPERATIONAL vehicles, at--"
"Ohhh I've got it! We find clothes that could pass for military -- like camouflage stuff or brown or green like they wear? Or we find actual uniforms -- maybe we'd have to kill a couple to--"
"I KNOW you ain't suggestin' we dress up like soldiers."
"It won't look stolen, then, right? Problem solved!"
"Uh... the day you pass for a soldier? Is the day I pass for a woman."
"Haha! I know we never see girl soldiers out here, but I WAS in military school, you know. Anyways you'd be a FUGLY-ass woman. No offense. Still wouldn't mind seeing you in a dress, though... you never did--"
"NO. I thought you'd forgotten all about that."
"Never!"
"Well, you'd be the cutest soldier I ever saw. Prettiest one, too."
"Pfff. YOU could totally pass for a soldier. Maybe with a little bit of a haircut and a shave..."
"That would look weird."
"YEAH it would. But -- Joel -- yes! That's it! YOU'RE a soldier and I'm not! You found me and the jeep I stole and you're bringing me in for questioning!"
"I think we're beyond the questioning stage."
"Punishment, then!"
"Mm. Not a bad idea."
"It's brilliant!"
"As a stall tactic. We'd still have to kill any soldiers who found us."
"Not if we tell them--"
"All it takes is for them to call it in an' they'll find out it's a lie. Hell, I'd prob'ly screw it up before it got that far -- there's prob'ly some lingo they use, some code or somethin', that I'd--"
"Oh, you can talk your way around that! You can lie your way through ANYTHING."
"...That a compliment?"
"Fuck yeah it is! But Joel -- why not? If they want your name... whoever's clothes we get might have ID on it, right? Dog tags, maybe? You give them that name. You say you couldn't inform anyone cuz our radio's dead. And it IS -- you disabled it yourself -- you can pretend you don't know how to--"
"You've got this all figured out, do you?"
"Yes!"
"And if they actually wanna see my ID an' make sure I am who I say I am? ...I tell 'em I lost it somewhere?"
"YES! See, you're getting into it, too--"
"No. But... if we happen to find a uniform that fits--"
"You'll wear it!"
"It could buy us some time. Might let us find out if anyone even IS lookin' for us. Could also backfire, if we come across some hunters with a thing against the military..."
"Pfff, they'd attack us either way so what difference does it make?"
Ellie certainly was... imaginative. Resourceful. Could he impersonate a sanctimonious asshole? Most definitely. Could Ellie sit there and not laugh at his performance? Doubtful. MAYBE if our lives depended on it.
He instructed her to be on the lookout for helicopters. They needed to operate under the assumption that Monterey had one, based on Keith's comment -- and even if they didn't have one, other bases very well could, and they could be working together. Joel had caked some mud on the hood to hide the white paint and make them less visible from above, and would have to keep re-applying it. ...At least she wasn't "pfff"ing at him and accusing him of being paranoid.
She took it very seriously, in fact.
"Joel... I know I keep saying I'm sorry..."
"No need to apologize."
"But I AM sorry. What I think I HAVEN'T really said is... thank you."
"No need to thank me, either."
"Shut up, yes there is! If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead right now."
"Not necessarily."
"No, I would! If I was alone... I would've just cried myself to sleep that night, and woken up to soldiers pounding on my door. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide... maybe I'd try to shoot them or fight them somehow, but straight up four on one? They'd shoot me right there... or I'd go with them and try to explain and they'd just laugh at me... and end up killing me anyways."
"Maybe not. Maybe Ray wouldn't've let them in... or he'd stall 'em until someone found a way to smuggle you out."
"You're just being nice. Admit it -- I'd be dead."
"You're smart, kiddo. You would've--"
"Shut UP, no I'm NOT! Can't you just say 'you're welcome'? Fuck, you're worse than ME."
"But it ain't like-- ... I don' know. You know I always wanna help you out."
"Uh, this is a little more than HELPING ME OUT. We just... fucking LEFT..."
"We were leavin' anyhow. Just did it a little earlier than expected."
"So you keep saying. You almost got killed..."
"Not really. I was real careful. Never lost the upper hand."
"Stop being so nice! Fuck -- I don't deserve you."
"...I think you got that backwards."
"No. No way. I've been nothing but trouble to you since the day we--"
"Ellie, stop. We've talked about that. I don't regret ANY of it. My life... was SHIT before I met you."
"But still, you--"
"Still, nothin'. You... you don't gotta THANK me for... doin' things that I only do because I love you."
"Yes I do! Fuck... I'm just... SO happy I'm with you right now. Even if I did manage to get out of there on my own... then I'd be out here all alone and scared and... NOT thinking of things like smearing mud on the jeep... and it wouldn't be any fun at ALL..."
"I'm makin' it fun?"
"Yep!"
"You like to tell me I'm NO fun."
"Well, whenever I say that, it's a fucking lie."
"I'm glad you're... happy, an' whatnot, but... this ain't exactly a carefree road trip. I need you to help me be our eyes'n'ears right now."
"I know, I am, I just... had to say thank you. It was like, bursting out of my heart and I couldn't stand it. You always know what to do... you're always so fucking CALM about every-- -Oh! Hey, Joel, look! Over there! See it? We have to take this exit!"
"...I still don't see..."
"It's a Wal-mart! With a PARKING LOT!"
"You wanna do that right now?"
"We might not see another one for days! C'mon, pleeease?"
No, she wasn't referring to back seat sex (dare I hope she's forgotten that already?) -- she was looking for driving lessons. In spite of her remarks to the contrary, he'd expected her to be a little resistant to the idea of actual lessons; she had been known to say things she didn't mean for the sole purpose of persuading Joel to do what she wanted. And damned if it didn't still work, most of the time -- even when he was onto her, she could still pull his strings in any direction she wanted. But this time, it appeared she'd been sincere. She said she wanted to learn everything that he knew on the subject. He'd informed her that there was no way they could simulate all the conditions under which he had driving experience, and this would be more like a crash course ("no, not literally") -- plus, it wasn't like they had hours upon hours to spend on practice. He insisted it had to be in a shopping center with a big parking lot ("like a Wal-mart or somethin' ") so he wouldn't have to worry about her accidentally killing the horse. Which was a bit of an exaggeration, but it really was easier to practice maneuvering in a big open space, and without a horse pseudo-tethered to you.
It was a bit nerve-wracking, though... all that open space. So many areas to keep an eye on... that big blue sky, and the fear of spying a black speck in it, growing ever larger as it closed in on them. Maybe if the jeep's big-ass machine gun had actually been functional... now THAT would be something new to add to my resumé -- shooting down a goddamn helicopter. He wondered how close the chopper would have to get; the gun was big, but not that much bigger than the standard assault rifles the military favored. The odds of finding ammo for it were... slimmer than slim -- and even if it had ammo, the thing still might not work, for all he knew -- but for some reason, he hadn't chucked it in a ditch yet. The helicopter could have a gun, though, too... he definitely wanted to avoid confrontation if possible.
There were enough years between Joel and Tommy that Joel had been able to help Tommy learn to drive, a lifetime ago... but not a stick shift. And he'd never actually given anyone real lessons. He'd dreamed of doing that with Sarah, someday... both dreamed and dreaded, actually. There really wasn't any dread with Ellie. It helped that she already knew the basics... but driving today was also a completely different animal than driving twenty-some years ago. He knew that the more prepared she was for anything and everything -- both now and in her future (which at some point would not include him) -- the better off they would be. And she was so eager to learn.
She hadn't had enough time behind the wheel to develop any habits, good or bad, and she actually asked him to teach her as if she knew absolutely nothing -- which put her in the passenger seat to start. First, he made sure she understood the basics of switching gears, both the how and the why. He had her watch his footwork to give her a sense of the correct timing. He had her watch the RPMs to drive home the point of rev matching. He explained what would make the engine stall and how to avoid it... what to avoid in general, in order to not wear out the clutch... anything he could think of.
"You got all that?" he teased; he'd thrown a lot of info at her in a short span of time. "Ready to switch places?"
"Suuuuure," she said uncertainly. "How do you remember all this stuff when you don't even do it that much?"
"Ain't that hard. It's like ridin' a bike."
Ellie snorted. "It can't be that different from a normal car -- the pedals are on the floor and you can't like... turn them around like you do on a bike! Plus you don't have to balance or anything."
She continued to amuse him at times with her literal interpretations of things he said carelessly. He somehow kept forgetting that the world was much smaller now than it used to be... that so many of these idioms were no longer in circulation -- at least amongst the younger crowd. "It's just an expression. Means that... once you learn it, it sticks with you, even if you ain't done it in a long time."
"...Oh. You guys had a lot of bike sayings."
This was only the second one he'd shared with her, as he recalled. He had only explained 'town bicycle' after she had overheard the phrase back in Jackson and expressed interest in riding the thing -- she said the guys had just snickered and told her to "go ask Joel." She had taken offense to that, because she thought they were advising her to ask his permission (which she had promptly informed them she didn't need). Joel reckoned they just got a kick out of imagining his awkwardness at having to explain the term. And that awkwardness was considerable, in those days, because that was prior to him developing a sexual relationship with Ellie. He still wasn't completely comfortable with every sexual topic under the sun... but we sure have come a long way since then! (Fortunately, she'd caught on fairly quickly to "everybody gets a ride," perhaps due to Joel's obvious discomfort with the subject.)
"You'll be fine," he assured her now. "I'm gonna repeat everything I just said while you do it. It's gonna click in your head more when you see how it feels... how the car responds to what you're doin'."
"Okay. I mean, it all makes sense... sort of... and it's not like I've never driven before... can you explain the rev matching thing again? Seems weird to step on the gas when you're wanting to slow down."
He chuckled. "That's prob'ly the most confusing part. Seems counterintuitive. But trust me, you're gonna feel the difference if you don't do it."
"You didn't show me that."
"Sure I did. I did it every--"
"No, I mean not doing it. You didn't not do it."
"Ah. I guess I could have... but why put extra strain on the car when you'll prob'ly do it on accident yourself anyhow?"
"Well, maybe I won't!"
"Good. Then don't. You won't have to do it that much... like I said, we're gonna be livin' in second gear on this trip."
"We're not gonna wear out the horse or the car," she recited. "Jeep. Whatever."
"That's right." The jeep, of course, could handle the higher speeds just fine, but Fox couldn't sustain them for long, and there was no need to ask that of him -- unless they ran into danger. Fox didn't need drills for that...
...But Joel felt that Ellie would benefit from them. To that end, he had her practice shifting, turning, parking... first under 'normal' circumstances, then under emergency conditions, where they needed to start or stop in a hurry. Then he had her repeat it with Fox in tow. She was a quick learner -- even with the rev matching -- and by the time the lesson was over, he had to admit he was impressed at how smoothly she was handling the car.
Ellie asked if they could take turns driving now... split the duty fifty-fifty... and he felt she had done well enough to earn a "we'll see." It might actually help him out, to only have to worry about keeping a look-out and not--
Well, okay, no -- even though she'd done fine in the lesson, Joel couldn't imagine being able to completely relax with her behind the wheel. Not for a good long while. Although, with their average speed under fifteen miles per hour... what could go wrong, really?
...Plenty. He never had trouble imagining things that might go wrong, however unlikely they were to actually happen. And that's what Ellie REALLY needs to learn... she just does shit without thinking sometimes. Not that he wanted her to anticipate disaster at every turn, necessarily... just... she don't even do it when disaster is staring her right in the face! How can I teach that to her? IS it something that can be taught? It wasn't like anyone had sat him down and drilled it into his skull. Maybe it wasn't so much a skill as it was a natural consequence of growing up.
Still... after all Ellie had been through... how the HELL could she have possibly thought going to that base was a good idea? Not just going there -- going there to pretend to seduce a goddamn soldier, of all things.
What happened to her there was not her fault. And yet... wasn't it at least a little? The scumbag had deserved to be killed for his actions, Joel had no doubt, but... Ellie had put herself in that situation. He couldn't help feeling she should have known better. She knew full well that Joel wouldn't condone a scheme like that -- she'd admitted as much -- and she'd dismissed those concerns, believing she could handle herself. Even with red flags flying up all over the place during the course of the night.
Thinking about it only angered him. He didn't want Ellie to sense that, though; he knew she felt plenty guilty about the whole thing -- for the wrong reasons, even -- and she didn't need those feelings compounded by his anger. Fortunately, it was easy to shove aside any unwanted thoughts not pertaining to survival at the moment. He hadn't been able to help Ellie that night... but he would look after her now.
Joel was the one driving when they spotted the Infected. "Shit... Ellie. Two o'clock. You see 'em?" Joel brought them to a semi-abrupt stop. "How many?"
She was already scanning the area with the binoculars. "Ummmmm.... like... nine or ten? Runners, I think... They're pretty far off the road, aren't they?"
"Not really. We're about to curve towards that way, after this hill... it is a pretty decent incline up there, though..."
"What do we do?"
They didn't have a lot of options. "We try to sneak by 'em, but I think we'll be too loud. If they see us, you take off on the horse and I'll floor it."
"You'll... follow me?"
"Yes, just follow the road -- you can't really do much else, with the mountains bein' how they are... we'll keep an eye on each other an' slow it down when it feels safe."
She looked at him nervously. "I thought you didn't want us to split up."
"I don't. We're not."
"There's not that many. What if we just bow-and-arrow most of them so we don't even waste--"
"Nine or ten is enough that I'd rather not fuss with doin' that. Plus there may be more out of sight. We've only got... what, six arrows right now? There's no need to use 'em here -- we've got the means to outrun those things, easy." He leaned over and kissed her frowning little mouth. "Go on. Get on the horse -- and bring him around to this side. We'll go slow an' see if they even notice us."
"I think they'll hear the jeep. Like you said."
"They might. It'll be a good test, so we know for the future -- or have a guideline, anyhow. If anything goes wrong, I've got my bag of goodies right here." He patted his backpack, which was situated right behind them, easily reachable in the gap between the bucket seats.
"Okay. Put your fucking seat belt on. I love you."
"Love you, too, but we ain't sayin' goodbye," he chuckled.
He couldn't help feeling a little nervous himself as he watched her slide off the seat, mount the horse, and come around to Joel's side. But it just didn't make sense for both of them to be in the jeep while she tried to lead the horse with the rope. Fox was accustomed to the jeep now, but what would he make of the Infected? And it would be difficult for Joel to know how fast he could make the jeep go when he couldn't give any of the instruction a rider would normally give his horse. Nor could he get the same read on the horse as he would if he were riding him... he might end up dragging the poor creature under a tire or something -- or maybe Ellie would let go of him to avoid that, and he had no idea if Fox was the sort of horse who would simply gallop after the jeep... or freak the hell out at the screeching Infected and just take off the other way. Then they would have to go round him up, which, depending on the direction he went, could possibly defeat the purpose of employing 'outrun the enemy' strategy.
He buckled his seat belt and watched Ellie soothe Fox (who hadn't even been spooked -- not yet, anyway). The horse did seem to have taken a shine to her. She was good with horses in general; she used to ride Spirit several times a week, back in Jackson, and he was ornery as hell. Yes, this makes more sense than staying together... and there's no need to turn around and find a different way... Christ, they'd done enough of that already. And there were no easy detours here: this road was pretty much it now, for a while.
"You ready? We're just walkin', now. Checkin' things out." He eased off the brake. As slow as they were going for most of this trip, he pretty much only had to give the thing gas when downshifting -- or when they went up a hill. So many goddamn hills in California! Not even hills so much as freeway interchanges... places with roads stacked on top of roads. The road they were on now was narrower... it had more of a highway feel to it, especially now that they were getting into a more rural area, but it was still lined with the concrete barriers he associated with freeways.
"I'm gonna try and stay in this lane right next to you," Ellie announced.
"We might not be able to stay side by side if there's cars sittin' around," he pointed out. There wasn't an excessive amount of dead cars on this freeway, and most of them were parked on the shoulder on either side, so sticking to the middle lanes made for the smoothest sailing. They crept along slowly... sloowwwlllyyy... ever closer to the pack... close enough for him to count nine Runners. The bridge ahead looked clear. The road beyond it curved again, out of sight.
He couldn't tell if it was the sound or the movement that eventually drew the one Runner's attention, but as soon as Joel heard the screech, he knew the stealth attempt was over. "Go go go!" he urged Ellie. Thanks to their parking lot lesson, he had a good idea of how quickly the jeep could overtake the horse at full throttle (Joel may have enjoyed that part a little too much). He could have waited until she and Fox were galloping over the bridge, but he was afraid Ellie might look over her shoulder and panic if she didn't see him moving, so he only gave her a few seconds' head start. No need to hang back any more than that. By the time she did look back, he had nearly caught up to her.
The Runners were able to traverse the incline he'd noted earlier, unfortunately...
But he and Ellie left them in the dust easily. Crossed the bridge, no problem.
Joel kept the jeep humming along at a safe distance behind Ellie; he just couldn't, in good conscience, pull ahead of her and leave her in between himself and Infected, no matter how far back they were. It felt safer to trail her than to ride alongside her, at this higher speed... although that may have just been his paranoia at work. Anyway, she took the turn in the road to their right, vanishing from sight for a couple seconds, thanks to the rock formations they were passing through. As soon as he caught sight of her again-- what the hell?
She was flapping her arms at him wildly, and-- damnit!--
There was a big ol' goddamn redwood laying across the road! Should I try hopping the railing-- NO-- Joel pushed in the clutch and slammed on the brakes. He didn't have to swerve. Despite the oh shit-ness of the moment, he was impressed by the performance of the tires.
"JoelJoelJoel!" Ellie was screaming -- from off to his left now. "Are you okay?! Joel!"
...Why wouldn't I be okay? Ain't like I wrecked...
"Joel, get on! Hurry! We can cross over there!" She was leaning and reaching for him -- like she intended to yank him up on the horse herself.
But Joel wasn't ready to abandon ship just yet; he quickly weighed his options. The tree was diagonally bisecting the freeway, the top of it tapering off on the west-bound side. The jeep could probably get over either the tree or the median with some coaxing -- but that would take too long, with the Infected less than a quarter mile behind them. Plowing over the railing on the shoulder would only lead to overgrown chaparral and then more densely-packed trees -- and, of course, more rock. It's gonna be fight, not flight -- but no way in hell are we gonna burn through all our ammo on day two of--
"Joel, what are you doing?! Come on! They saw us take that turn -- we can get around on that side no problem on the horse!"
"No -- you stay on the horse an' go around," he told her as he started yanking his gear out of the jeep. "Any of 'em get past me, you can shoot 'em real easy when--"
"Now you wanna fight them?!"
"I ain't leavin' all our shit here over seven or eight goddamn--"
"Nine or ten," she corrected him. "There were more of them coming out of the trees, though, didn't you see? There's prob'ly like fifteen now!"
That estimate seemed high to Joel, but it didn't matter-- "So be it."
"Ugh -- okay well I'm staying with you then!"
"At least stay on the--" But she had already dismounted. "Ellie--"
"I'm gonna hitch him right over here... good boy..."
He could hear the Infected approaching the turn now; if the horde had slowed down at all, they would kick it into high gear again when they caught sight of him and Ellie just hanging out there waiting for them. And if any occasion called for a Molotov cocktail or two, it was this one -- he grabbed Ellie's backpack off the passenger side floor. "Try an' keep the-- no, wait, I got a better idea -- Ellie, get back on the horse an' go--"
"They're coming!"
"Go around the other side. We'll set the tree on fire an' you can lure the dumbasses right through it. Take this!" He tossed her backpack to her.
"What about you?! Joel--"
"I'll be right there!"
"Do you fucking see them coming right--"
"Go! I'm just backin' up a little first!" The jeep was a little too close to the tree for comfort. If any of the fuckers caught fire and stumbled into it instead of scaling the tree...
Backing up while the Infected got closer and closer in the rear view mirror felt even more counterintuitive than the idea of stepping on the gas to slow down, but he did it anyway. They were practically on top of him when he hopped out-- Oh shit!--
Joel had the flamethrower ready. He sprayed the closest two, sparingly -- he knew he couldn't take them all without reloading, and there was no time for that. He just bought himself enough time to sprint to the tree and vault himself over it (...well, 'vault' might be a bit of a stretch, but he scaled it pretty damn quickly). He could no longer see the Runners because the damn log was taller than he was. Ellie had taken the horse around and was now galloping back towards him... so both of them now had that huge tree between themselves and the Runners. She kept shrieking his name-- probably other words, too, but her voice was so shrill it wasn't registering -- he looked up and saw she had a Molotov cocktail in one hand and her 9-millimeter in the other. He could read her expression clearly enough--
"Yes, now!" he called to her. "Keep back, I'm gonna flame this here--"
Ellie chucked her bottle over the tree... and he realized she was attacking the Runners when he'd really only meant for her to help start the fire. She could actually see over there, thanks to being on the horse. Joel was counting on the Infected seeing her, and making a beeline for her. He turned the flamethrower on the tree; the dried-out dead wood caught fire easily enough. That's one good thing about California -- not much rain! We need juuuuuust enough to form a nice little fire barrier.
"I think I got two of them," said Ellie.
"You didn't have to--"
"You were so close to the tree, though! I just thought... I dunno..."
Joel backed away from it now. "Come a little closer to me so they run straight at us. But stay back... an' stay ready."
"Just in case," Ellie recited. "These motherfuckers are so stupid -- none of them are gonna make it through!"
Joel slung the flamethrower back over his shoulder, preferring to conserve fuel now that imminent danger had passed. He was ready to beat them down with the pipe he'd been toting for just that purpose, in case any of them managed to snuff out the flames and allow another to climb over itself, or whatever fluke thing like that might happen when dealing with creatures that had no self-preservation instincts. He watched the Runners tumble over onto this side of the tree, one by one, shrieking their heads off (if they didn't shriek all the damn time when excited, he might wonder if the things actually do feel pain). As long as they had flames licking any part of their bodies, finishing them off wasn't necessary; they lacked the brains it took to even attempt to extinguish the flames. He and Ellie were free to enjoy the show.
Still, he would prefer it if Ellie kept control of the horse -- and now she was dismounting again. She flung herself at him, nearly knocking him over.
"Down, girl," he teased.
"You scared the shit out of me!" she scolded him.
He put one arm around her, but he wasn't about to relax just yet. "They ain't all dead yet, you know."
"I don't care!" She clung to him fiercely.
Joel didn't lower the pipe until the air had been free of screeching noises for about a minute. Ellie hadn't moved. Shit... we've been through WAY worse than this and she didn't get even HALF as rattled. "You all right?" he asked her, chuckling a little.
"Squeeze me as hard as you can!" she asked him. Told him, rather.
He obliged... to a point. He hugged her just hard enough to make her wheeze, held her there for half a second, then eased back into a regular hug. Sometimes she tried to get him to do it harder than that, but he always refused to. "Been a while since you asked me to do that." He kissed the top of her head.
"Yeah, like... three whole weeks or something!"
"I think we were in bed, last time you did," he recalled.
"That was hot. We have to do that again." She pulled back enough to beam up at him, but still kept her arms around his neck. "Are you proud of me?"
"Uh... sure? -For what?" God, she's adorable... he couldn't even give her his full attention right now, yet still he was struck by her adorableness.
"I listened to you. I did what you said!"
"...You want a medal for that?"
"Yes! Cuz it's not what I wanted to do."
"Well done, then," he said obligingly. "You sure you're all right? You can let go of me, you know. I won't disappear."
Ellie coaxed a kiss out of him before finally pulling away. She returned to the horse and picked up the lead rope off the ground. Started walking Fox down the length of the tree, hopping over the median. "I thought you'd be prouder of me, though... I mean, I had to fucking leave you -- all the way over there -- and then watch, like, helpless as fuck, when you took your sweet time getting your ass--"
"Hey, I was movin' as fast as I could," he replied, amused at her assessment nonetheless.
"Not fast enough! They were so close to you I couldn't shoot or throw anything -- you know how hard it is to shoot good off a moving horse?!"
"I'm sorry I did that to you," he said lightly.
"I was this close to climbing over this log to come help you out. Draw them away from you or something. Then you would've been pissed!"
"Yes. I would have. Seein' as how they never even got close enough to touch me. I'm very proud of you for trustin' me. See how easy this thing was for us in the end?" He followed her along the length of the tree to the crossable part on the far side; they could have climbed over, of course, but it was too high for Fox to jump.
"Is this tree bigger than the one you cut down? Or smaller?"
"Smaller." (Actually, they were pretty similar in size.)
"Holy shit -- really?! I wish I'd seen that."
He wished she had, too -- because if she hadn't spent that day with Parker, they would probably still be kicking it on the beach instead of having to go on the run as fugitives.
What's done is done-- they needed to focus on their current predicament. The jeep could easily make it over these branches and shit... but I think it can take the tree down at the other end... There was enough concrete and rock around -- and the tree was burning slowly enough -- that he didn't think the fire would take on a life of its own. But if it did... well, he and Sophie had discussed it on the trip over, and they had concluded that somebody somewhere must be putting out the wildfires. Otherwise, the entire southwest would have been decimated by now. Redwoods were somewhat fire-resistant (living ones, anyway), but what about the more flammable vegetation? The population had decreased significantly in the past couple decades, sure... but there were still idiots out there who would be careless enough to--
...Maybe that's a bit harsh, now that WE have become those idiots... Sometimes, people just did what they had to do.
"Okay, wait -- what are we doing now?" Ellie halted in her tracks. "Is this fire bad? Things burn out here all the time, though, right?"
He knew what she was getting at. "If they do send a chopper after us... I reckon they'll take a closer look at this... see the bodies..."
"... and...?"
"We could let 'em find the jeep here," he mused. "They'll assume -- correctly -- that we ran into some trouble. Maybe they'll go ahead an' assume the worst."
"The worst? Uh... do you really think they're gonna confuse those ugly things with us?" She waved a hand at the charred bodies littering the ground.
The flames did tend to die out rather quickly on Infected corpses, for whatever reason, so none of them were likely to reach the charred-beyond-recognition stage. "Maybe they won't look close enough. I could toss a few of 'em face-first right up on top of the--"
"Wait -- we can't ditch the jeep! We haven't even had fun in the back seat yet!"
Cute. "Not a good enough reason to keep it."
"But -- you just risked your life to save it! We can't get rid of it yet. And-- really, we don't want anyone to think we're dead, do we?"
"Why not? What better way to get 'em off our--"
"But then Golden Sands is gonna think we're dead."
"...You mean Sophie."
"Her and everyone else! Wouldn't you rather have them thinking we got away? That we went home?"
Joel sighed. "What did we just discuss last night? Our own safety takes priority over everythin' else. If lettin' everyone think we're dead means we get home safe--"
"Okay fine -- I get it -- but... maybe they won't think we're dead? I mean... even if we ditch the jeep, we're not ditching all our stuff with it, are we?"
"No. ...That's a good point -- we'll have to make sure some of that extra gas leaks out... meets the flames..."
"So you don't just wanna ditch it -- you wanna blow it up?" She was clearly appalled at the thought.
"Sure. Ties up more loose ends that way."
"Noooo! We can't do that, Joel. Our bodies won't be here -- they still won't know we're dead for sure. They might keep looking for us, right?"
"They might," he admitted.
"Okay so then it would be a big waste! And there's other reasons to keep it -- I just learned how to drive it good! We can take turns now -- we don't even have to stop to sleep! We can get so much farther away than we would on a horse! One of us can drive while the other--"
"Whoa whoa whoa -- you think I'm gonna sleep while you're drivin'?"
She rolled her eyes. "Okay, I guess you couldn't possibly trust me enough for that."
"It ain't about trust. It's about bein' Outside. And it's about you havin' one lesson under your belt -- not even a real long one, at that -- which don't make you anywhere near an expert driver."
"You said I did really good! And I've had more than one lesson -- I already knew how to drive before that, remember? I do have experience."
Joel snorted. "The amount of experience you have wouldn't even fill my right boot. Besides, drivin' at night is harder than in the daytime 'cause you can't see shit as good. And the horse needs to rest at least a lil' bit."
"Okay but think how much nicer it is to have it. To not have to carry stuff. To just sit back and relax -- I mean, not relax-relax -- we still look for people and stuff -- but like... we won't have sore muscles and everything."
"You can get those from too much sittin' in a car, too."
"But we get out a lot. To pee, to eat, to get gas, to help Fox... we're constantly getting out of it."
"Hm. That don't sound very relaxin' either, then."
"Joel, just... please can't we keep it? We haven't seen anyone looking for us."
"Oh, now you've done it."
"I'm supposed to knock on wood, right? Good thing we have a tree right here." She rapped her knuckles on it. "I could make a dirty joke right now, but I won't."
"Thank you for sparin' me that."
"Want me to bust out the pun--"
"Hell no."
She sidled back up to him. "If you really wanna ditch the jeep so bad, then... we have to have sex in it right now."
"No we most certainly do not," he said firmly. He pretended to be immune to the charms she had begun to deploy. The roving hands, that irresistible come-hither look... Damn near irresistible, anyway. He resisted, and arrested her hands with his. "No."
"What happened to ~Whatever my baby girl wants~?" she pouted.
"Rules of the Road trump that one. Sorry." He tugged her in for a quick kiss. "But -- I s'pose we don't have to ditch the jeep just yet."
"Yay!"
"And... listen. I don't mean to sound like... -We're still a partnership, you'n'me. I know I can get a little... dad-like, sometimes..."
"It's okay. It's actually nice that you always know what to do."
He chuckled. "I don't, always. I'm guessin', same as you. I can make mistakes."
"But like... you never do."
"...Better knock on some more wood, there."
She rapped on his head softly. "Done!"
"Aha. So that was the joke you were gonna make," he teased. "Funny, when you said it was dirty, my mind went somewhere else."
She giggled. "That's cuz you have a filthy mind. Oh wait, that's me. You're pure and sweet and good." She tried to pull his hands around her... down to her ass, specifically.
"I am. You've corrupted me so bad, though," he whispered as he leaned in and kissed her ear, her neck... just light enough to tickle.
"Stoooppp!" she protested, rewarding him with more giggles.
"All right." He pulled away from her abruptly -- which was what he'd intended to do anyway, regardless of her reaction.
"No, wait--"
"We've gotta get away from here. Be just our luck that the fire draws a helicopter over here. See all that smoke goin' up?" He wondered if he'd be able to find a suitable patch of tree to take the jeep over on that side of the median -- 'suitable' being neither on fire nor adjacent to a part that was on fire.
"Okay... fuck, we have to turn around again. And find another fucking freeway." Ellie groaned loudly.
"Tch. When are you gonna start havin' faith in me? In your precious jeep?"
"What? No way. The wall is like... it goes straight up."
"It ain't that tall, though... but that's not what I was thinkin' of."
She goggled at him when she realized what he meant. "That tree is taller than us!"
"She can handle it."
"Then let me try!"
"No. I need you to stay with the horse."
"Whatever," she grumbled. Fox didn't get spooked by the jeep anymore; Ellie probably knew the real reason he didn't want her doing it. "Did you not just say that we're a team? That you don't get to decide everything?"
"Fine, I'll give you a choice -- either I drive, or we turn around."
"Fuck you," she laughed. "You just wanna show off. All right -- go ahead. Because it's perfectly fine for me to worry about you breaking your neck."
"I told you -- I have off road ex--"
"Experience -- yeah, yeah. From your adventures before you met me... and from a million years ago in your Takota."
"Tacoma," he corrected her. "And it wasn't mine."
"Whatever. We're not off the road, though, so--"
"Yes we are. Anything a normal car can't do counts as off road, kiddo."
"Okay, well, how am I going to get experience if you never let me do it?"
"You don' need this kind of experience."
"Why not? It's a long trip home... who knows what could happen? Don't you want me to be prepared for anything? Isn't that one of your fucking rules?"
...I guess it wouldn't hurt to let her sit with me... "Tell you what. If you're willin' to come back over an' get the horse, you can sit in the passenger seat -- but only if you promise to jump out if I say so, all right?"
"Why would I need to jump out?"
"You won't... you shouldn't." Assuming he didn't fuck this up royally. They would be more likely to get hurt from jumping than anything else, so he wasn't even sure why he'd said it. "Just... promise me anyhow."
"Okay! Then can I drive after that? Odds are we won't see any more Infected for a while," she sing-songed.
"You know it don't work like that. But... we'll see."
"Which means 'no,' in Joel speak."
"Hey, not always. Can't you just be happy we're keepin' the jeep? You win that one."
"Yes! We can't abandon it. It's like... our car now. It's part of our family!"
"Our family?"
"Yeah! The four of us are a little family."
For a second, Joel didn't know what she meant by 'four of us.' In that second, a flash of panic whizzed through him, more intense than anything he'd just felt in that fight. But before he could even fully wonder "IS SHE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?", it dawned on him, and he could breathe again. "At least Fox is a livin' creature."
"Ha. Well, I'm not the one who started referring to the jeep as a girl. Anyways, she wants to stay with us."
"Mm. She tell you that?"
"I know how to read her body language! And families stick together, right?"
"Right." He still felt a slight sense of... disquiet, in his gut, from that moment of panic. Even though he knew Ellie wasn't pregnant. Except you DON'T know, for sure... there's only one way you're gonna know without a doubt.
Joel couldn't wait for Ellie to get her period again.
* * * * * * *
He did not fuck it up royally -- or non-royally, even. They overcame the dead tree obstacle and went on their merry way through the mountains.
They had picked out their house for the evening. Again, it had a garage with a manually-operable door and an enclosed (or enclosed-enough) backyard. Doors that locked. The windows weren't all intact, but the ones downstairs were boarded up. This house also had two stories, which made Joel feel safer. Like he'd have more time to react to a break-in.
They were just about ready for bed now. The quarter-moon was edging towards full, providing enough patches of light that they didn't need to use a flashlight. The mattress was a little nasty, but Ellie had found a sheet in one of the closets to cover it, and they had the two blankets they'd brought. Joel had to have the window open a crack to listen to Fox, and for any signs of trouble, so Ellie was bound to get cold with just the one.
"I never did show you that thing last night," Ellie said mysteriously as she helped him arrange the blankets.
All right, I'll bite... "What thing?"
"The thing I was gonna get but you wouldn't let me out of bed to get it. Remember? Then I forgot and we fell asleep."
"...I think I'm afraid now."
"Ha! Really? Why?!"
"You sound very..." ...EVIL is a bit much...
"Very what?" she prompted.
...Pleased at my declaration of fear? "Devilish," was the word he landed on.
"Oh, I like that! Okay -- wait here. Where'd I put my backpack..."
"Ain't goin' nowhere." He was in the bedroom already, after all, and ready to flop as soon as he got the bed situated to their liking.
I hope she don't wanna have sex tonight, he mused as he stretched out on top of the covers. Such thoughts were always punctuated by little jabs of guilt, even though he knew they shouldn't be. That he was old and tired and... well... human. Ellie was very patient with him. The guilt was probably more about... how she deserved someone younger. Someone more... eager. I should be GLAD if she wants it... it would mean that asshole didn't get in her head too much... I think? He was certainly no mental health expert. But the fear of inadvertently doing something that would upset her didn't exactly help get him in the mood, either.
"Found it!" she called from downstairs.
Joel watched the beam from her flashlight bob on the wall... listened to the pattering of her footsteps on the floor boards, the stairs... so loud in the quiet house. The light disappeared when she was just outside the door, and the accompanying thud told him she'd just dropped the flashlight there (Joel couldn't bring himself to scold her for it; his own light was within reach, should some emergency arise). She popped back into the room, hands behind her back, a mischievous grin on her face that he could sense without seeing.
"Shit," he muttered.
"Why are you so scared of me? Don't you trust me at all?"
"No."
"...Okay, then... guess I'll have to go play with them by myself..."
Huh? Joel scooched up to sit with his back to the headboard. "If you rescued some baby birds or somethin'--"
"And kept them in my backpack for two days without you hearing them? Yeah, right!" She kicked her shoes off and started knee-walking across the bed towards him.
"What is it, then?"
She sat on her haunches at the edge of a moonbeam. "It's too dark where you are. I'll have to show you here. So... yeah. I, um..."
Now she's hesitant? "Am I not gonna like this?" Joel asked warily.
"I dunno... I think you will... okay, so, actually? I have no idea. Caleb was going to use them and I know that... they can also be, like... sexual?"
Joel bristled. "What the hell happened in that hotel that you--"
"Nooooo get that out of your head!" she exclaimed... and she certainly didn't seem upset.
It ain't so much that she's hesitant -- she's feeling SHY, Joel realized. He could probably guess what it was, based on what she'd already told him, but he wouldn't spoil her reveal. "Jus' show me already, will you?" he urged her gently.
"Okay..." She slowly brought her left hand around and held the thing up in front of her, where it glinted in the moonlight.
"Handcuffs?" ...As if it wasn't perfectly obvious that's what they were.
She giggled a little. "I figured you could... show me how to use them? For sex stuff, I mean."
All right... that IS pretty goddamn cute. Joel had to smile. "What makes you think I know how to use 'em that way?"
"Pfff. You know everything about sex."
Using handcuffs as a sex toy wasn't exactly rocket science, but Joel hardly knew everything. His past sexual encounters were pretty vanilla on the kink scale. Okay, make that VERY vanilla... Ellie wanting to experiment wasn't all that surprising, given her temperament. The fact that she wanted to do it so soon after the assault was, though... especially with restraints, of all things... but he wasn't going to bring that up unless he could tell something was off with her.
"C'mere, you," he cooed to her. She moved forward enough for him to tug her into the crook of his arm. He fondled one of the cuffs idly while Ellie played with the other. "How do you even know about these?"
"I'm not all sweet and innocent, remember?" she said in her eyeroll voice.
"How?" he repeated. " 'Cause, you may recall, our last encounter with 'em was... far from erotic."
"You mean with Bill? Ha! Um, yeah. I was so pissed at him! What an asshole."
"So you already have a bad memory associated with 'em. How would you even--"
"That day wasn't all bad! But I've... seen pictures in magazines...?"
"What magazines?"
"...I work at the library?" Joel heard the silent 'duh' at the end. "Those ones had like... feathery... fluffy-looking pink things on them, though. I figured you'd like the manlier version better."
"You're shoppin' for sex toys for us now?" he asked, amused as hell at the thought. What kind of shit is she looking at in the--
"They're not a toy -- they're real! And I wasn't shopping. I just... didn't let these go to waste." She took the one in his right hand and clasped it around his wrist. "So the sexy thing about them is... what, like I pretend I'm a soldier and I just captured you or something?"
"Oh so now you're the soldier? A little while ago you had that reversed." First thing she thinks of is roleplay... also not surprising.
"Well, if we're putting on a show for someone then yeah, it kinda has to be you. But--"
"Not necessarily. Maybe you knocked me out an' put 'em on me... I'd be pretty helpless with my hands cuffed behind my back and a gun in my face." I'd have to knock the gun away with a good kick or something... but that wouldn't solve the problem of-- "I hope you got a key for 'em, too."
"Of course!"
"Let's see it, then." Not that he didn't trust her...
"Don't you trust me?" she huffed.
Ha! "Sure I do. But show it to me anyhow. Please."
"Fine. It's right..." She started squirming around. "It's... uh..."
He figured she had to be checking her pockets. "Stand up if it's easier."
"No... um... it was here..."
"And now it ain't," he surmised. "So now I'm stuck with this metal danglin' off my arm for the rest of my life? Is that what you're tellin' me?"
"Fuck! I'm sooooo sorry, Joel -- I swear I had it!"
"Calm down, I'm just teasin' you. We'll find it."
"What if we can't? It's so small I had it in that tiny little top pocket that I never use... I thought it would be safer there... fuck! I can't even remember the last time I saw it. It could be anywhere! Why didn't I just stick it in my bag? Like the inside zipper part. Ugh!"
"Maybe we don' need it."
"How do we unlock it without the key?!"
"I don' know... pick the lock, maybe... or when we get home, maybe we can find somethin' to--"
"When we get home? Doesn't that mean everyone will know we were playing sex games?!"
"Calm down," he repeated, kissing her temple. "You found 'em an' you were goofin' around with 'em. No sex necessary. Just... don't stick the other end on the bedpost or somethin'."
"...Oh. That's what people usually do, right? Yeah... I knew that. Okay... I can see how that might be... yeah. Cuz it's sort of hot when you can't, like... I dunno. But I... um... I kind of..."
"Hmm?"
"I can't do that anyway. With the other one."
"Why not?" But he knew the answer before she said it.
Or showed it, rather: she lifted her arm, bringing his cuffed hand up with it, a chain dangling between his wrist and hers.
"You didn't," he said... dumbly, because clearly, that's exactly what she did.
~Continue to Chapter 14~
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,509
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
Joel never could stay mad at Ellie for long. She didn't always do the right thing... but her motives were so damn pure. Her heart was 'in the right place' -- only it was actually the wrong one, as far as Joel was concerned. It's a wonder that it ain't got her killed yet, he thought darkly.
She cared about people... that was fine. Joel just had to get her to not trust them so easily. If it weren't for her worrying about what would become of ME, would she have gone with that motherfucker back to their base? He could lecture her about soldiers 'til the cows came home and she would just dismiss it as him being 'biased.' She'd point out that the Monterey guys were 'friendlies,' or that Jackson had been trading with the military for years with no trouble. ~Respect them and they'll respect you~ -- all that bullshit. Never mind all the ones that had tried to kill them on the way over from Boston -- or even those friendlies in Monterey. Ellie didn't take that personally. She understood the whole we-hurt-you/you-hurt-us-back cycle. He had hoped that since she'd had such a bad personal experience with one now, she would develop a healthier fear of them -- like she had for hunters -- but in spite of that, she seemed to think that that Caleb guy wouldn't have hurt her. (She had scoffed at Joel for suggesting it and said of course she knew he was dangerous... but if that were true, taking him down -- not talking him down -- would have been her Plan A.)
Joel's Rules of the Road for this trip were nearly the same as last time: avoid engagement whenever possible. Be it other travelers, hunters, Infected... leave them be. One difference: the military was to automatically be considered the enemy -- and a threat too great to be ignored. A military base of any kind was to be avoided, naturally, but any soldiers out in the wild? Those needed to be killed as if they were wild animals looking to make a meal out of them. Ellie hadn't liked that comparison.
"Wild animals, Joel? They ARE human beings."
"Not to us, they ain't. You wanna keep this damn jeep? We gotta kill anyone who lays eyes on it."
"But whoever we run into out here... they might not even be looking for US. They might be hunting REAL bad guys, like hunters or Infected or something."
"Maybe. But we gotta assume the soldiers have ways of talkin' to each other. To other bases around the country. They might have shoot-on-sight orders on account of us killin' five men."
"They won't necessarily know it was us..."
"Two civilians in a stolen army jeep? After gettin' warned by Monterey? They'll know."
"Maybe they won't think-- okay, yeah, it KINDA looks like an army jeep..."
"It's army green, with a star and a number and 'U.S. ARMY' painted on the hood."
"You said they don't actually use jeeps anymore, though, right?"
"Well, apparently, they do now."
"Whatever -- I'm gonna find us some spray paint somewhere along the way to take care of that."
"It's still a jeep. A little spray paint ain't gonna fool 'em."
"Hey, you LIKED stealing it. You said it was a good idea!"
"I liked the idea of removin' it from the 'scene of the crime.' When I thought they'd possibly have no way of tyin' those dead men to us -- that they might not even find their bodies -- it didn't bother me so much to be drivin' around in it."
"And I fucked that up."
"That part, yes. But the more I think about it, the more I think it don't matter if they do or they don't. If they get the word out that it's stolen... well, it ain't like there's that many stolen vehicles -- or just plain OPERATIONAL vehicles, at--"
"Ohhh I've got it! We find clothes that could pass for military -- like camouflage stuff or brown or green like they wear? Or we find actual uniforms -- maybe we'd have to kill a couple to--"
"I KNOW you ain't suggestin' we dress up like soldiers."
"It won't look stolen, then, right? Problem solved!"
"Uh... the day you pass for a soldier? Is the day I pass for a woman."
"Haha! I know we never see girl soldiers out here, but I WAS in military school, you know. Anyways you'd be a FUGLY-ass woman. No offense. Still wouldn't mind seeing you in a dress, though... you never did--"
"NO. I thought you'd forgotten all about that."
"Never!"
"Well, you'd be the cutest soldier I ever saw. Prettiest one, too."
"Pfff. YOU could totally pass for a soldier. Maybe with a little bit of a haircut and a shave..."
"That would look weird."
"YEAH it would. But -- Joel -- yes! That's it! YOU'RE a soldier and I'm not! You found me and the jeep I stole and you're bringing me in for questioning!"
"I think we're beyond the questioning stage."
"Punishment, then!"
"Mm. Not a bad idea."
"It's brilliant!"
"As a stall tactic. We'd still have to kill any soldiers who found us."
"Not if we tell them--"
"All it takes is for them to call it in an' they'll find out it's a lie. Hell, I'd prob'ly screw it up before it got that far -- there's prob'ly some lingo they use, some code or somethin', that I'd--"
"Oh, you can talk your way around that! You can lie your way through ANYTHING."
"...That a compliment?"
"Fuck yeah it is! But Joel -- why not? If they want your name... whoever's clothes we get might have ID on it, right? Dog tags, maybe? You give them that name. You say you couldn't inform anyone cuz our radio's dead. And it IS -- you disabled it yourself -- you can pretend you don't know how to--"
"You've got this all figured out, do you?"
"Yes!"
"And if they actually wanna see my ID an' make sure I am who I say I am? ...I tell 'em I lost it somewhere?"
"YES! See, you're getting into it, too--"
"No. But... if we happen to find a uniform that fits--"
"You'll wear it!"
"It could buy us some time. Might let us find out if anyone even IS lookin' for us. Could also backfire, if we come across some hunters with a thing against the military..."
"Pfff, they'd attack us either way so what difference does it make?"
Ellie certainly was... imaginative. Resourceful. Could he impersonate a sanctimonious asshole? Most definitely. Could Ellie sit there and not laugh at his performance? Doubtful. MAYBE if our lives depended on it.
He instructed her to be on the lookout for helicopters. They needed to operate under the assumption that Monterey had one, based on Keith's comment -- and even if they didn't have one, other bases very well could, and they could be working together. Joel had caked some mud on the hood to hide the white paint and make them less visible from above, and would have to keep re-applying it. ...At least she wasn't "pfff"ing at him and accusing him of being paranoid.
She took it very seriously, in fact.
"Joel... I know I keep saying I'm sorry..."
"No need to apologize."
"But I AM sorry. What I think I HAVEN'T really said is... thank you."
"No need to thank me, either."
"Shut up, yes there is! If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead right now."
"Not necessarily."
"No, I would! If I was alone... I would've just cried myself to sleep that night, and woken up to soldiers pounding on my door. Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide... maybe I'd try to shoot them or fight them somehow, but straight up four on one? They'd shoot me right there... or I'd go with them and try to explain and they'd just laugh at me... and end up killing me anyways."
"Maybe not. Maybe Ray wouldn't've let them in... or he'd stall 'em until someone found a way to smuggle you out."
"You're just being nice. Admit it -- I'd be dead."
"You're smart, kiddo. You would've--"
"Shut UP, no I'm NOT! Can't you just say 'you're welcome'? Fuck, you're worse than ME."
"But it ain't like-- ... I don' know. You know I always wanna help you out."
"Uh, this is a little more than HELPING ME OUT. We just... fucking LEFT..."
"We were leavin' anyhow. Just did it a little earlier than expected."
"So you keep saying. You almost got killed..."
"Not really. I was real careful. Never lost the upper hand."
"Stop being so nice! Fuck -- I don't deserve you."
"...I think you got that backwards."
"No. No way. I've been nothing but trouble to you since the day we--"
"Ellie, stop. We've talked about that. I don't regret ANY of it. My life... was SHIT before I met you."
"But still, you--"
"Still, nothin'. You... you don't gotta THANK me for... doin' things that I only do because I love you."
"Yes I do! Fuck... I'm just... SO happy I'm with you right now. Even if I did manage to get out of there on my own... then I'd be out here all alone and scared and... NOT thinking of things like smearing mud on the jeep... and it wouldn't be any fun at ALL..."
"I'm makin' it fun?"
"Yep!"
"You like to tell me I'm NO fun."
"Well, whenever I say that, it's a fucking lie."
"I'm glad you're... happy, an' whatnot, but... this ain't exactly a carefree road trip. I need you to help me be our eyes'n'ears right now."
"I know, I am, I just... had to say thank you. It was like, bursting out of my heart and I couldn't stand it. You always know what to do... you're always so fucking CALM about every-- -Oh! Hey, Joel, look! Over there! See it? We have to take this exit!"
"...I still don't see..."
"It's a Wal-mart! With a PARKING LOT!"
"You wanna do that right now?"
"We might not see another one for days! C'mon, pleeease?"
No, she wasn't referring to back seat sex (dare I hope she's forgotten that already?) -- she was looking for driving lessons. In spite of her remarks to the contrary, he'd expected her to be a little resistant to the idea of actual lessons; she had been known to say things she didn't mean for the sole purpose of persuading Joel to do what she wanted. And damned if it didn't still work, most of the time -- even when he was onto her, she could still pull his strings in any direction she wanted. But this time, it appeared she'd been sincere. She said she wanted to learn everything that he knew on the subject. He'd informed her that there was no way they could simulate all the conditions under which he had driving experience, and this would be more like a crash course ("no, not literally") -- plus, it wasn't like they had hours upon hours to spend on practice. He insisted it had to be in a shopping center with a big parking lot ("like a Wal-mart or somethin' ") so he wouldn't have to worry about her accidentally killing the horse. Which was a bit of an exaggeration, but it really was easier to practice maneuvering in a big open space, and without a horse pseudo-tethered to you.
It was a bit nerve-wracking, though... all that open space. So many areas to keep an eye on... that big blue sky, and the fear of spying a black speck in it, growing ever larger as it closed in on them. Maybe if the jeep's big-ass machine gun had actually been functional... now THAT would be something new to add to my resumé -- shooting down a goddamn helicopter. He wondered how close the chopper would have to get; the gun was big, but not that much bigger than the standard assault rifles the military favored. The odds of finding ammo for it were... slimmer than slim -- and even if it had ammo, the thing still might not work, for all he knew -- but for some reason, he hadn't chucked it in a ditch yet. The helicopter could have a gun, though, too... he definitely wanted to avoid confrontation if possible.
There were enough years between Joel and Tommy that Joel had been able to help Tommy learn to drive, a lifetime ago... but not a stick shift. And he'd never actually given anyone real lessons. He'd dreamed of doing that with Sarah, someday... both dreamed and dreaded, actually. There really wasn't any dread with Ellie. It helped that she already knew the basics... but driving today was also a completely different animal than driving twenty-some years ago. He knew that the more prepared she was for anything and everything -- both now and in her future (which at some point would not include him) -- the better off they would be. And she was so eager to learn.
She hadn't had enough time behind the wheel to develop any habits, good or bad, and she actually asked him to teach her as if she knew absolutely nothing -- which put her in the passenger seat to start. First, he made sure she understood the basics of switching gears, both the how and the why. He had her watch his footwork to give her a sense of the correct timing. He had her watch the RPMs to drive home the point of rev matching. He explained what would make the engine stall and how to avoid it... what to avoid in general, in order to not wear out the clutch... anything he could think of.
"You got all that?" he teased; he'd thrown a lot of info at her in a short span of time. "Ready to switch places?"
"Suuuuure," she said uncertainly. "How do you remember all this stuff when you don't even do it that much?"
"Ain't that hard. It's like ridin' a bike."
Ellie snorted. "It can't be that different from a normal car -- the pedals are on the floor and you can't like... turn them around like you do on a bike! Plus you don't have to balance or anything."
She continued to amuse him at times with her literal interpretations of things he said carelessly. He somehow kept forgetting that the world was much smaller now than it used to be... that so many of these idioms were no longer in circulation -- at least amongst the younger crowd. "It's just an expression. Means that... once you learn it, it sticks with you, even if you ain't done it in a long time."
"...Oh. You guys had a lot of bike sayings."
This was only the second one he'd shared with her, as he recalled. He had only explained 'town bicycle' after she had overheard the phrase back in Jackson and expressed interest in riding the thing -- she said the guys had just snickered and told her to "go ask Joel." She had taken offense to that, because she thought they were advising her to ask his permission (which she had promptly informed them she didn't need). Joel reckoned they just got a kick out of imagining his awkwardness at having to explain the term. And that awkwardness was considerable, in those days, because that was prior to him developing a sexual relationship with Ellie. He still wasn't completely comfortable with every sexual topic under the sun... but we sure have come a long way since then! (Fortunately, she'd caught on fairly quickly to "everybody gets a ride," perhaps due to Joel's obvious discomfort with the subject.)
"You'll be fine," he assured her now. "I'm gonna repeat everything I just said while you do it. It's gonna click in your head more when you see how it feels... how the car responds to what you're doin'."
"Okay. I mean, it all makes sense... sort of... and it's not like I've never driven before... can you explain the rev matching thing again? Seems weird to step on the gas when you're wanting to slow down."
He chuckled. "That's prob'ly the most confusing part. Seems counterintuitive. But trust me, you're gonna feel the difference if you don't do it."
"You didn't show me that."
"Sure I did. I did it every--"
"No, I mean not doing it. You didn't not do it."
"Ah. I guess I could have... but why put extra strain on the car when you'll prob'ly do it on accident yourself anyhow?"
"Well, maybe I won't!"
"Good. Then don't. You won't have to do it that much... like I said, we're gonna be livin' in second gear on this trip."
"We're not gonna wear out the horse or the car," she recited. "Jeep. Whatever."
"That's right." The jeep, of course, could handle the higher speeds just fine, but Fox couldn't sustain them for long, and there was no need to ask that of him -- unless they ran into danger. Fox didn't need drills for that...
...But Joel felt that Ellie would benefit from them. To that end, he had her practice shifting, turning, parking... first under 'normal' circumstances, then under emergency conditions, where they needed to start or stop in a hurry. Then he had her repeat it with Fox in tow. She was a quick learner -- even with the rev matching -- and by the time the lesson was over, he had to admit he was impressed at how smoothly she was handling the car.
Ellie asked if they could take turns driving now... split the duty fifty-fifty... and he felt she had done well enough to earn a "we'll see." It might actually help him out, to only have to worry about keeping a look-out and not--
Well, okay, no -- even though she'd done fine in the lesson, Joel couldn't imagine being able to completely relax with her behind the wheel. Not for a good long while. Although, with their average speed under fifteen miles per hour... what could go wrong, really?
...Plenty. He never had trouble imagining things that might go wrong, however unlikely they were to actually happen. And that's what Ellie REALLY needs to learn... she just does shit without thinking sometimes. Not that he wanted her to anticipate disaster at every turn, necessarily... just... she don't even do it when disaster is staring her right in the face! How can I teach that to her? IS it something that can be taught? It wasn't like anyone had sat him down and drilled it into his skull. Maybe it wasn't so much a skill as it was a natural consequence of growing up.
Still... after all Ellie had been through... how the HELL could she have possibly thought going to that base was a good idea? Not just going there -- going there to pretend to seduce a goddamn soldier, of all things.
What happened to her there was not her fault. And yet... wasn't it at least a little? The scumbag had deserved to be killed for his actions, Joel had no doubt, but... Ellie had put herself in that situation. He couldn't help feeling she should have known better. She knew full well that Joel wouldn't condone a scheme like that -- she'd admitted as much -- and she'd dismissed those concerns, believing she could handle herself. Even with red flags flying up all over the place during the course of the night.
Thinking about it only angered him. He didn't want Ellie to sense that, though; he knew she felt plenty guilty about the whole thing -- for the wrong reasons, even -- and she didn't need those feelings compounded by his anger. Fortunately, it was easy to shove aside any unwanted thoughts not pertaining to survival at the moment. He hadn't been able to help Ellie that night... but he would look after her now.
Joel was the one driving when they spotted the Infected. "Shit... Ellie. Two o'clock. You see 'em?" Joel brought them to a semi-abrupt stop. "How many?"
She was already scanning the area with the binoculars. "Ummmmm.... like... nine or ten? Runners, I think... They're pretty far off the road, aren't they?"
"Not really. We're about to curve towards that way, after this hill... it is a pretty decent incline up there, though..."
"What do we do?"
They didn't have a lot of options. "We try to sneak by 'em, but I think we'll be too loud. If they see us, you take off on the horse and I'll floor it."
"You'll... follow me?"
"Yes, just follow the road -- you can't really do much else, with the mountains bein' how they are... we'll keep an eye on each other an' slow it down when it feels safe."
She looked at him nervously. "I thought you didn't want us to split up."
"I don't. We're not."
"There's not that many. What if we just bow-and-arrow most of them so we don't even waste--"
"Nine or ten is enough that I'd rather not fuss with doin' that. Plus there may be more out of sight. We've only got... what, six arrows right now? There's no need to use 'em here -- we've got the means to outrun those things, easy." He leaned over and kissed her frowning little mouth. "Go on. Get on the horse -- and bring him around to this side. We'll go slow an' see if they even notice us."
"I think they'll hear the jeep. Like you said."
"They might. It'll be a good test, so we know for the future -- or have a guideline, anyhow. If anything goes wrong, I've got my bag of goodies right here." He patted his backpack, which was situated right behind them, easily reachable in the gap between the bucket seats.
"Okay. Put your fucking seat belt on. I love you."
"Love you, too, but we ain't sayin' goodbye," he chuckled.
He couldn't help feeling a little nervous himself as he watched her slide off the seat, mount the horse, and come around to Joel's side. But it just didn't make sense for both of them to be in the jeep while she tried to lead the horse with the rope. Fox was accustomed to the jeep now, but what would he make of the Infected? And it would be difficult for Joel to know how fast he could make the jeep go when he couldn't give any of the instruction a rider would normally give his horse. Nor could he get the same read on the horse as he would if he were riding him... he might end up dragging the poor creature under a tire or something -- or maybe Ellie would let go of him to avoid that, and he had no idea if Fox was the sort of horse who would simply gallop after the jeep... or freak the hell out at the screeching Infected and just take off the other way. Then they would have to go round him up, which, depending on the direction he went, could possibly defeat the purpose of employing 'outrun the enemy' strategy.
He buckled his seat belt and watched Ellie soothe Fox (who hadn't even been spooked -- not yet, anyway). The horse did seem to have taken a shine to her. She was good with horses in general; she used to ride Spirit several times a week, back in Jackson, and he was ornery as hell. Yes, this makes more sense than staying together... and there's no need to turn around and find a different way... Christ, they'd done enough of that already. And there were no easy detours here: this road was pretty much it now, for a while.
"You ready? We're just walkin', now. Checkin' things out." He eased off the brake. As slow as they were going for most of this trip, he pretty much only had to give the thing gas when downshifting -- or when they went up a hill. So many goddamn hills in California! Not even hills so much as freeway interchanges... places with roads stacked on top of roads. The road they were on now was narrower... it had more of a highway feel to it, especially now that they were getting into a more rural area, but it was still lined with the concrete barriers he associated with freeways.
"I'm gonna try and stay in this lane right next to you," Ellie announced.
"We might not be able to stay side by side if there's cars sittin' around," he pointed out. There wasn't an excessive amount of dead cars on this freeway, and most of them were parked on the shoulder on either side, so sticking to the middle lanes made for the smoothest sailing. They crept along slowly... sloowwwlllyyy... ever closer to the pack... close enough for him to count nine Runners. The bridge ahead looked clear. The road beyond it curved again, out of sight.
He couldn't tell if it was the sound or the movement that eventually drew the one Runner's attention, but as soon as Joel heard the screech, he knew the stealth attempt was over. "Go go go!" he urged Ellie. Thanks to their parking lot lesson, he had a good idea of how quickly the jeep could overtake the horse at full throttle (Joel may have enjoyed that part a little too much). He could have waited until she and Fox were galloping over the bridge, but he was afraid Ellie might look over her shoulder and panic if she didn't see him moving, so he only gave her a few seconds' head start. No need to hang back any more than that. By the time she did look back, he had nearly caught up to her.
The Runners were able to traverse the incline he'd noted earlier, unfortunately...
But he and Ellie left them in the dust easily. Crossed the bridge, no problem.
Joel kept the jeep humming along at a safe distance behind Ellie; he just couldn't, in good conscience, pull ahead of her and leave her in between himself and Infected, no matter how far back they were. It felt safer to trail her than to ride alongside her, at this higher speed... although that may have just been his paranoia at work. Anyway, she took the turn in the road to their right, vanishing from sight for a couple seconds, thanks to the rock formations they were passing through. As soon as he caught sight of her again-- what the hell?
She was flapping her arms at him wildly, and-- damnit!--
There was a big ol' goddamn redwood laying across the road! Should I try hopping the railing-- NO-- Joel pushed in the clutch and slammed on the brakes. He didn't have to swerve. Despite the oh shit-ness of the moment, he was impressed by the performance of the tires.
"JoelJoelJoel!" Ellie was screaming -- from off to his left now. "Are you okay?! Joel!"
...Why wouldn't I be okay? Ain't like I wrecked...
"Joel, get on! Hurry! We can cross over there!" She was leaning and reaching for him -- like she intended to yank him up on the horse herself.
But Joel wasn't ready to abandon ship just yet; he quickly weighed his options. The tree was diagonally bisecting the freeway, the top of it tapering off on the west-bound side. The jeep could probably get over either the tree or the median with some coaxing -- but that would take too long, with the Infected less than a quarter mile behind them. Plowing over the railing on the shoulder would only lead to overgrown chaparral and then more densely-packed trees -- and, of course, more rock. It's gonna be fight, not flight -- but no way in hell are we gonna burn through all our ammo on day two of--
"Joel, what are you doing?! Come on! They saw us take that turn -- we can get around on that side no problem on the horse!"
"No -- you stay on the horse an' go around," he told her as he started yanking his gear out of the jeep. "Any of 'em get past me, you can shoot 'em real easy when--"
"Now you wanna fight them?!"
"I ain't leavin' all our shit here over seven or eight goddamn--"
"Nine or ten," she corrected him. "There were more of them coming out of the trees, though, didn't you see? There's prob'ly like fifteen now!"
That estimate seemed high to Joel, but it didn't matter-- "So be it."
"Ugh -- okay well I'm staying with you then!"
"At least stay on the--" But she had already dismounted. "Ellie--"
"I'm gonna hitch him right over here... good boy..."
He could hear the Infected approaching the turn now; if the horde had slowed down at all, they would kick it into high gear again when they caught sight of him and Ellie just hanging out there waiting for them. And if any occasion called for a Molotov cocktail or two, it was this one -- he grabbed Ellie's backpack off the passenger side floor. "Try an' keep the-- no, wait, I got a better idea -- Ellie, get back on the horse an' go--"
"They're coming!"
"Go around the other side. We'll set the tree on fire an' you can lure the dumbasses right through it. Take this!" He tossed her backpack to her.
"What about you?! Joel--"
"I'll be right there!"
"Do you fucking see them coming right--"
"Go! I'm just backin' up a little first!" The jeep was a little too close to the tree for comfort. If any of the fuckers caught fire and stumbled into it instead of scaling the tree...
Backing up while the Infected got closer and closer in the rear view mirror felt even more counterintuitive than the idea of stepping on the gas to slow down, but he did it anyway. They were practically on top of him when he hopped out-- Oh shit!--
Joel had the flamethrower ready. He sprayed the closest two, sparingly -- he knew he couldn't take them all without reloading, and there was no time for that. He just bought himself enough time to sprint to the tree and vault himself over it (...well, 'vault' might be a bit of a stretch, but he scaled it pretty damn quickly). He could no longer see the Runners because the damn log was taller than he was. Ellie had taken the horse around and was now galloping back towards him... so both of them now had that huge tree between themselves and the Runners. She kept shrieking his name-- probably other words, too, but her voice was so shrill it wasn't registering -- he looked up and saw she had a Molotov cocktail in one hand and her 9-millimeter in the other. He could read her expression clearly enough--
"Yes, now!" he called to her. "Keep back, I'm gonna flame this here--"
Ellie chucked her bottle over the tree... and he realized she was attacking the Runners when he'd really only meant for her to help start the fire. She could actually see over there, thanks to being on the horse. Joel was counting on the Infected seeing her, and making a beeline for her. He turned the flamethrower on the tree; the dried-out dead wood caught fire easily enough. That's one good thing about California -- not much rain! We need juuuuuust enough to form a nice little fire barrier.
"I think I got two of them," said Ellie.
"You didn't have to--"
"You were so close to the tree, though! I just thought... I dunno..."
Joel backed away from it now. "Come a little closer to me so they run straight at us. But stay back... an' stay ready."
"Just in case," Ellie recited. "These motherfuckers are so stupid -- none of them are gonna make it through!"
Joel slung the flamethrower back over his shoulder, preferring to conserve fuel now that imminent danger had passed. He was ready to beat them down with the pipe he'd been toting for just that purpose, in case any of them managed to snuff out the flames and allow another to climb over itself, or whatever fluke thing like that might happen when dealing with creatures that had no self-preservation instincts. He watched the Runners tumble over onto this side of the tree, one by one, shrieking their heads off (if they didn't shriek all the damn time when excited, he might wonder if the things actually do feel pain). As long as they had flames licking any part of their bodies, finishing them off wasn't necessary; they lacked the brains it took to even attempt to extinguish the flames. He and Ellie were free to enjoy the show.
Still, he would prefer it if Ellie kept control of the horse -- and now she was dismounting again. She flung herself at him, nearly knocking him over.
"Down, girl," he teased.
"You scared the shit out of me!" she scolded him.
He put one arm around her, but he wasn't about to relax just yet. "They ain't all dead yet, you know."
"I don't care!" She clung to him fiercely.
Joel didn't lower the pipe until the air had been free of screeching noises for about a minute. Ellie hadn't moved. Shit... we've been through WAY worse than this and she didn't get even HALF as rattled. "You all right?" he asked her, chuckling a little.
"Squeeze me as hard as you can!" she asked him. Told him, rather.
He obliged... to a point. He hugged her just hard enough to make her wheeze, held her there for half a second, then eased back into a regular hug. Sometimes she tried to get him to do it harder than that, but he always refused to. "Been a while since you asked me to do that." He kissed the top of her head.
"Yeah, like... three whole weeks or something!"
"I think we were in bed, last time you did," he recalled.
"That was hot. We have to do that again." She pulled back enough to beam up at him, but still kept her arms around his neck. "Are you proud of me?"
"Uh... sure? -For what?" God, she's adorable... he couldn't even give her his full attention right now, yet still he was struck by her adorableness.
"I listened to you. I did what you said!"
"...You want a medal for that?"
"Yes! Cuz it's not what I wanted to do."
"Well done, then," he said obligingly. "You sure you're all right? You can let go of me, you know. I won't disappear."
Ellie coaxed a kiss out of him before finally pulling away. She returned to the horse and picked up the lead rope off the ground. Started walking Fox down the length of the tree, hopping over the median. "I thought you'd be prouder of me, though... I mean, I had to fucking leave you -- all the way over there -- and then watch, like, helpless as fuck, when you took your sweet time getting your ass--"
"Hey, I was movin' as fast as I could," he replied, amused at her assessment nonetheless.
"Not fast enough! They were so close to you I couldn't shoot or throw anything -- you know how hard it is to shoot good off a moving horse?!"
"I'm sorry I did that to you," he said lightly.
"I was this close to climbing over this log to come help you out. Draw them away from you or something. Then you would've been pissed!"
"Yes. I would have. Seein' as how they never even got close enough to touch me. I'm very proud of you for trustin' me. See how easy this thing was for us in the end?" He followed her along the length of the tree to the crossable part on the far side; they could have climbed over, of course, but it was too high for Fox to jump.
"Is this tree bigger than the one you cut down? Or smaller?"
"Smaller." (Actually, they were pretty similar in size.)
"Holy shit -- really?! I wish I'd seen that."
He wished she had, too -- because if she hadn't spent that day with Parker, they would probably still be kicking it on the beach instead of having to go on the run as fugitives.
What's done is done-- they needed to focus on their current predicament. The jeep could easily make it over these branches and shit... but I think it can take the tree down at the other end... There was enough concrete and rock around -- and the tree was burning slowly enough -- that he didn't think the fire would take on a life of its own. But if it did... well, he and Sophie had discussed it on the trip over, and they had concluded that somebody somewhere must be putting out the wildfires. Otherwise, the entire southwest would have been decimated by now. Redwoods were somewhat fire-resistant (living ones, anyway), but what about the more flammable vegetation? The population had decreased significantly in the past couple decades, sure... but there were still idiots out there who would be careless enough to--
...Maybe that's a bit harsh, now that WE have become those idiots... Sometimes, people just did what they had to do.
"Okay, wait -- what are we doing now?" Ellie halted in her tracks. "Is this fire bad? Things burn out here all the time, though, right?"
He knew what she was getting at. "If they do send a chopper after us... I reckon they'll take a closer look at this... see the bodies..."
"... and...?"
"We could let 'em find the jeep here," he mused. "They'll assume -- correctly -- that we ran into some trouble. Maybe they'll go ahead an' assume the worst."
"The worst? Uh... do you really think they're gonna confuse those ugly things with us?" She waved a hand at the charred bodies littering the ground.
The flames did tend to die out rather quickly on Infected corpses, for whatever reason, so none of them were likely to reach the charred-beyond-recognition stage. "Maybe they won't look close enough. I could toss a few of 'em face-first right up on top of the--"
"Wait -- we can't ditch the jeep! We haven't even had fun in the back seat yet!"
Cute. "Not a good enough reason to keep it."
"But -- you just risked your life to save it! We can't get rid of it yet. And-- really, we don't want anyone to think we're dead, do we?"
"Why not? What better way to get 'em off our--"
"But then Golden Sands is gonna think we're dead."
"...You mean Sophie."
"Her and everyone else! Wouldn't you rather have them thinking we got away? That we went home?"
Joel sighed. "What did we just discuss last night? Our own safety takes priority over everythin' else. If lettin' everyone think we're dead means we get home safe--"
"Okay fine -- I get it -- but... maybe they won't think we're dead? I mean... even if we ditch the jeep, we're not ditching all our stuff with it, are we?"
"No. ...That's a good point -- we'll have to make sure some of that extra gas leaks out... meets the flames..."
"So you don't just wanna ditch it -- you wanna blow it up?" She was clearly appalled at the thought.
"Sure. Ties up more loose ends that way."
"Noooo! We can't do that, Joel. Our bodies won't be here -- they still won't know we're dead for sure. They might keep looking for us, right?"
"They might," he admitted.
"Okay so then it would be a big waste! And there's other reasons to keep it -- I just learned how to drive it good! We can take turns now -- we don't even have to stop to sleep! We can get so much farther away than we would on a horse! One of us can drive while the other--"
"Whoa whoa whoa -- you think I'm gonna sleep while you're drivin'?"
She rolled her eyes. "Okay, I guess you couldn't possibly trust me enough for that."
"It ain't about trust. It's about bein' Outside. And it's about you havin' one lesson under your belt -- not even a real long one, at that -- which don't make you anywhere near an expert driver."
"You said I did really good! And I've had more than one lesson -- I already knew how to drive before that, remember? I do have experience."
Joel snorted. "The amount of experience you have wouldn't even fill my right boot. Besides, drivin' at night is harder than in the daytime 'cause you can't see shit as good. And the horse needs to rest at least a lil' bit."
"Okay but think how much nicer it is to have it. To not have to carry stuff. To just sit back and relax -- I mean, not relax-relax -- we still look for people and stuff -- but like... we won't have sore muscles and everything."
"You can get those from too much sittin' in a car, too."
"But we get out a lot. To pee, to eat, to get gas, to help Fox... we're constantly getting out of it."
"Hm. That don't sound very relaxin' either, then."
"Joel, just... please can't we keep it? We haven't seen anyone looking for us."
"Oh, now you've done it."
"I'm supposed to knock on wood, right? Good thing we have a tree right here." She rapped her knuckles on it. "I could make a dirty joke right now, but I won't."
"Thank you for sparin' me that."
"Want me to bust out the pun--"
"Hell no."
She sidled back up to him. "If you really wanna ditch the jeep so bad, then... we have to have sex in it right now."
"No we most certainly do not," he said firmly. He pretended to be immune to the charms she had begun to deploy. The roving hands, that irresistible come-hither look... Damn near irresistible, anyway. He resisted, and arrested her hands with his. "No."
"What happened to ~Whatever my baby girl wants~?" she pouted.
"Rules of the Road trump that one. Sorry." He tugged her in for a quick kiss. "But -- I s'pose we don't have to ditch the jeep just yet."
"Yay!"
"And... listen. I don't mean to sound like... -We're still a partnership, you'n'me. I know I can get a little... dad-like, sometimes..."
"It's okay. It's actually nice that you always know what to do."
He chuckled. "I don't, always. I'm guessin', same as you. I can make mistakes."
"But like... you never do."
"...Better knock on some more wood, there."
She rapped on his head softly. "Done!"
"Aha. So that was the joke you were gonna make," he teased. "Funny, when you said it was dirty, my mind went somewhere else."
She giggled. "That's cuz you have a filthy mind. Oh wait, that's me. You're pure and sweet and good." She tried to pull his hands around her... down to her ass, specifically.
"I am. You've corrupted me so bad, though," he whispered as he leaned in and kissed her ear, her neck... just light enough to tickle.
"Stoooppp!" she protested, rewarding him with more giggles.
"All right." He pulled away from her abruptly -- which was what he'd intended to do anyway, regardless of her reaction.
"No, wait--"
"We've gotta get away from here. Be just our luck that the fire draws a helicopter over here. See all that smoke goin' up?" He wondered if he'd be able to find a suitable patch of tree to take the jeep over on that side of the median -- 'suitable' being neither on fire nor adjacent to a part that was on fire.
"Okay... fuck, we have to turn around again. And find another fucking freeway." Ellie groaned loudly.
"Tch. When are you gonna start havin' faith in me? In your precious jeep?"
"What? No way. The wall is like... it goes straight up."
"It ain't that tall, though... but that's not what I was thinkin' of."
She goggled at him when she realized what he meant. "That tree is taller than us!"
"She can handle it."
"Then let me try!"
"No. I need you to stay with the horse."
"Whatever," she grumbled. Fox didn't get spooked by the jeep anymore; Ellie probably knew the real reason he didn't want her doing it. "Did you not just say that we're a team? That you don't get to decide everything?"
"Fine, I'll give you a choice -- either I drive, or we turn around."
"Fuck you," she laughed. "You just wanna show off. All right -- go ahead. Because it's perfectly fine for me to worry about you breaking your neck."
"I told you -- I have off road ex--"
"Experience -- yeah, yeah. From your adventures before you met me... and from a million years ago in your Takota."
"Tacoma," he corrected her. "And it wasn't mine."
"Whatever. We're not off the road, though, so--"
"Yes we are. Anything a normal car can't do counts as off road, kiddo."
"Okay, well, how am I going to get experience if you never let me do it?"
"You don' need this kind of experience."
"Why not? It's a long trip home... who knows what could happen? Don't you want me to be prepared for anything? Isn't that one of your fucking rules?"
...I guess it wouldn't hurt to let her sit with me... "Tell you what. If you're willin' to come back over an' get the horse, you can sit in the passenger seat -- but only if you promise to jump out if I say so, all right?"
"Why would I need to jump out?"
"You won't... you shouldn't." Assuming he didn't fuck this up royally. They would be more likely to get hurt from jumping than anything else, so he wasn't even sure why he'd said it. "Just... promise me anyhow."
"Okay! Then can I drive after that? Odds are we won't see any more Infected for a while," she sing-songed.
"You know it don't work like that. But... we'll see."
"Which means 'no,' in Joel speak."
"Hey, not always. Can't you just be happy we're keepin' the jeep? You win that one."
"Yes! We can't abandon it. It's like... our car now. It's part of our family!"
"Our family?"
"Yeah! The four of us are a little family."
For a second, Joel didn't know what she meant by 'four of us.' In that second, a flash of panic whizzed through him, more intense than anything he'd just felt in that fight. But before he could even fully wonder "IS SHE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?", it dawned on him, and he could breathe again. "At least Fox is a livin' creature."
"Ha. Well, I'm not the one who started referring to the jeep as a girl. Anyways, she wants to stay with us."
"Mm. She tell you that?"
"I know how to read her body language! And families stick together, right?"
"Right." He still felt a slight sense of... disquiet, in his gut, from that moment of panic. Even though he knew Ellie wasn't pregnant. Except you DON'T know, for sure... there's only one way you're gonna know without a doubt.
Joel couldn't wait for Ellie to get her period again.
* * * * * * *
He did not fuck it up royally -- or non-royally, even. They overcame the dead tree obstacle and went on their merry way through the mountains.
They had picked out their house for the evening. Again, it had a garage with a manually-operable door and an enclosed (or enclosed-enough) backyard. Doors that locked. The windows weren't all intact, but the ones downstairs were boarded up. This house also had two stories, which made Joel feel safer. Like he'd have more time to react to a break-in.
They were just about ready for bed now. The quarter-moon was edging towards full, providing enough patches of light that they didn't need to use a flashlight. The mattress was a little nasty, but Ellie had found a sheet in one of the closets to cover it, and they had the two blankets they'd brought. Joel had to have the window open a crack to listen to Fox, and for any signs of trouble, so Ellie was bound to get cold with just the one.
"I never did show you that thing last night," Ellie said mysteriously as she helped him arrange the blankets.
All right, I'll bite... "What thing?"
"The thing I was gonna get but you wouldn't let me out of bed to get it. Remember? Then I forgot and we fell asleep."
"...I think I'm afraid now."
"Ha! Really? Why?!"
"You sound very..." ...EVIL is a bit much...
"Very what?" she prompted.
...Pleased at my declaration of fear? "Devilish," was the word he landed on.
"Oh, I like that! Okay -- wait here. Where'd I put my backpack..."
"Ain't goin' nowhere." He was in the bedroom already, after all, and ready to flop as soon as he got the bed situated to their liking.
I hope she don't wanna have sex tonight, he mused as he stretched out on top of the covers. Such thoughts were always punctuated by little jabs of guilt, even though he knew they shouldn't be. That he was old and tired and... well... human. Ellie was very patient with him. The guilt was probably more about... how she deserved someone younger. Someone more... eager. I should be GLAD if she wants it... it would mean that asshole didn't get in her head too much... I think? He was certainly no mental health expert. But the fear of inadvertently doing something that would upset her didn't exactly help get him in the mood, either.
"Found it!" she called from downstairs.
Joel watched the beam from her flashlight bob on the wall... listened to the pattering of her footsteps on the floor boards, the stairs... so loud in the quiet house. The light disappeared when she was just outside the door, and the accompanying thud told him she'd just dropped the flashlight there (Joel couldn't bring himself to scold her for it; his own light was within reach, should some emergency arise). She popped back into the room, hands behind her back, a mischievous grin on her face that he could sense without seeing.
"Shit," he muttered.
"Why are you so scared of me? Don't you trust me at all?"
"No."
"...Okay, then... guess I'll have to go play with them by myself..."
Huh? Joel scooched up to sit with his back to the headboard. "If you rescued some baby birds or somethin'--"
"And kept them in my backpack for two days without you hearing them? Yeah, right!" She kicked her shoes off and started knee-walking across the bed towards him.
"What is it, then?"
She sat on her haunches at the edge of a moonbeam. "It's too dark where you are. I'll have to show you here. So... yeah. I, um..."
Now she's hesitant? "Am I not gonna like this?" Joel asked warily.
"I dunno... I think you will... okay, so, actually? I have no idea. Caleb was going to use them and I know that... they can also be, like... sexual?"
Joel bristled. "What the hell happened in that hotel that you--"
"Nooooo get that out of your head!" she exclaimed... and she certainly didn't seem upset.
It ain't so much that she's hesitant -- she's feeling SHY, Joel realized. He could probably guess what it was, based on what she'd already told him, but he wouldn't spoil her reveal. "Jus' show me already, will you?" he urged her gently.
"Okay..." She slowly brought her left hand around and held the thing up in front of her, where it glinted in the moonlight.
"Handcuffs?" ...As if it wasn't perfectly obvious that's what they were.
She giggled a little. "I figured you could... show me how to use them? For sex stuff, I mean."
All right... that IS pretty goddamn cute. Joel had to smile. "What makes you think I know how to use 'em that way?"
"Pfff. You know everything about sex."
Using handcuffs as a sex toy wasn't exactly rocket science, but Joel hardly knew everything. His past sexual encounters were pretty vanilla on the kink scale. Okay, make that VERY vanilla... Ellie wanting to experiment wasn't all that surprising, given her temperament. The fact that she wanted to do it so soon after the assault was, though... especially with restraints, of all things... but he wasn't going to bring that up unless he could tell something was off with her.
"C'mere, you," he cooed to her. She moved forward enough for him to tug her into the crook of his arm. He fondled one of the cuffs idly while Ellie played with the other. "How do you even know about these?"
"I'm not all sweet and innocent, remember?" she said in her eyeroll voice.
"How?" he repeated. " 'Cause, you may recall, our last encounter with 'em was... far from erotic."
"You mean with Bill? Ha! Um, yeah. I was so pissed at him! What an asshole."
"So you already have a bad memory associated with 'em. How would you even--"
"That day wasn't all bad! But I've... seen pictures in magazines...?"
"What magazines?"
"...I work at the library?" Joel heard the silent 'duh' at the end. "Those ones had like... feathery... fluffy-looking pink things on them, though. I figured you'd like the manlier version better."
"You're shoppin' for sex toys for us now?" he asked, amused as hell at the thought. What kind of shit is she looking at in the--
"They're not a toy -- they're real! And I wasn't shopping. I just... didn't let these go to waste." She took the one in his right hand and clasped it around his wrist. "So the sexy thing about them is... what, like I pretend I'm a soldier and I just captured you or something?"
"Oh so now you're the soldier? A little while ago you had that reversed." First thing she thinks of is roleplay... also not surprising.
"Well, if we're putting on a show for someone then yeah, it kinda has to be you. But--"
"Not necessarily. Maybe you knocked me out an' put 'em on me... I'd be pretty helpless with my hands cuffed behind my back and a gun in my face." I'd have to knock the gun away with a good kick or something... but that wouldn't solve the problem of-- "I hope you got a key for 'em, too."
"Of course!"
"Let's see it, then." Not that he didn't trust her...
"Don't you trust me?" she huffed.
Ha! "Sure I do. But show it to me anyhow. Please."
"Fine. It's right..." She started squirming around. "It's... uh..."
He figured she had to be checking her pockets. "Stand up if it's easier."
"No... um... it was here..."
"And now it ain't," he surmised. "So now I'm stuck with this metal danglin' off my arm for the rest of my life? Is that what you're tellin' me?"
"Fuck! I'm sooooo sorry, Joel -- I swear I had it!"
"Calm down, I'm just teasin' you. We'll find it."
"What if we can't? It's so small I had it in that tiny little top pocket that I never use... I thought it would be safer there... fuck! I can't even remember the last time I saw it. It could be anywhere! Why didn't I just stick it in my bag? Like the inside zipper part. Ugh!"
"Maybe we don' need it."
"How do we unlock it without the key?!"
"I don' know... pick the lock, maybe... or when we get home, maybe we can find somethin' to--"
"When we get home? Doesn't that mean everyone will know we were playing sex games?!"
"Calm down," he repeated, kissing her temple. "You found 'em an' you were goofin' around with 'em. No sex necessary. Just... don't stick the other end on the bedpost or somethin'."
"...Oh. That's what people usually do, right? Yeah... I knew that. Okay... I can see how that might be... yeah. Cuz it's sort of hot when you can't, like... I dunno. But I... um... I kind of..."
"Hmm?"
"I can't do that anyway. With the other one."
"Why not?" But he knew the answer before she said it.
Or showed it, rather: she lifted her arm, bringing his cuffed hand up with it, a chain dangling between his wrist and hers.
"You didn't," he said... dumbly, because clearly, that's exactly what she did.
~Continue to Chapter 14~