"Singularity" Chapter 6: "A Simple Plan" [6/49]
Title: "Singularity" Chapter 6: "A Simple Plan" [6/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,736
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
A couple days later, Ellie still didn't know what to do with the shit Parker had told her.
On the one hand, it was none of her business. Things had been this way since long before she and Joel had arrived -- uninvited, at that. Well, then we DID get invited to stay... only because we were cool with everything. -Everything we KNEW about, anyway! And we WANTED to stay because they were so cool with US... with COUPLE-us.
On the other hand, it was just... so fucking creepy. Parker had referred to himself as a special request. She imagined the soldiers ordering up whores like people ordered food in movies: "I'll take a teenage boy, hold the ketchup..." ...Or was it just a teenager in general? Ellie knew the ages of everyone in Golden Sands, and she knew that the next youngest (grown) male was Jeffrey, the surfer dude. He was thirty-one. She couldn't imagine him agreeing to be some guy's... 'dinner,' like that. If it was a woman requesting him... maybe. But according to Parker, it was all men over there. Ellie knew that some people were perfectly capable of fucking people they didn't love, but... wouldn't Jeff still have to see the chick first, and at least see if she's hot? Caleb might have checked out Parker on the beach first, but Parker said they don't do that anymore. People just... go.
Anyways, Parker was pretty much it in the youth department. The youngest female, other than herself and six-year-old Gabby, was Nina, at twenty-nine. And Ellie reeeeally couldn't imagine her whoring herself out. Not just because of Alex, but because... well, she was so sweet and nice and... not-whore-y.
But then... who was whorey? The only whore she knew personally was Christine, that slut in Jackson who stole the boyfriend of Ellie's BFF Annie last summer (good riddance to the douchebag... but still). ...Okay, so SLUT and WHORE are technically two different things, but I bet that cunt would have no problem ~doing the job~ here.
She thought Parker might know the identities of some of the other... er... participants... maybe not all of them, but more than he was letting on. She hadn't pressed him on it, because a) she didn't want to pressure him to betray any confidences, and b) she really didn't want to know. ...except she fucking did want to know. She did and she didn't! It was driving her a little nuts, wondering who was whoring themselves out and who wasn't. Sylvia, obviously... but who the fuck else?
And yet... on the other other hand (...her foot?), Parker was actually happy with the arrangement. Ellie believed that he believed he loved Caleb... but in her heart, she just couldn't believe it was actually true. She knew that she was lucky as fuck to have Joel, and that what they shared was rare, so she wondered if she was just being a snob about it, thinking that no way could Parker and Caleb have anything that even came close to that level of awesomeness. But she just couldn't shake the feeling that they should have something that kinda sorta barely resembles it, like if you squint real hard at it? And she couldn't see it. Not based on the things Parker had told her.
At first, she'd been all excited at the thought of telling Joel. She just couldn't decide which was the more appropriate way to present it: "See? We're not the only ones! It's totally cool for an adult to be with a teenager!" (except what if he didn't think it was cool?) ...or more like "See? Parker's CRUSH is what you were scared of with me at the beginning: it's not based in reality, it's more about lust than love. You can see the difference between me and Parker though, right?" (except what if he couldn't see the difference?)
Undecided, she did neither.
It was kind of ironic that her opinion of Parker and Caleb was colored by Joel's opinion on the subject in general -- that outdated ideology she'd had to bust holes in to get through to him. Or maybe it was just that she was more of a love expert now? Like... if she and Joel had never fallen in love, would she be more able to accept Parker's love as 'legit'? Because she wouldn't know any better? -Yes, she'd had Riley... sort of... but that was a million years ago, and they had been best friends. The romance had never even had a chance to bloom. Lots of people didn't have the friends thing first. Like Parker and Caleb: they met, and it was like love at first--
Except they didn't just fucking MEET.
Ellie decided she didn't like Caleb, despite the fact that she'd never met the dude. He was obviously using Parker for sex. ...right? Maybe Parker didn't see it that way, especially because Caleb didn't even ask him to do anything the first few times he went over there. It was kind of hard for her to imagine doing sex stuff with anyone who wasn't Joel -- the person closest to her in the whole world -- but Joel had strongly intimated that most guys tended to be... well... a bit less discriminating? So, she tried to think more like a guy. If she were to lower her inhibitions by getting high (perhaps closing her eyes to help make it solely about the pleasurable feelings)... and she felt warm lips and a nice wet tongue down there... if she'd never experienced anything like making love before... yeah, I'd probably think it was pretty awesome getting my dick sucked, no matter who was doing it. WAY better than using my own hand! It would make her want to go back for more. To keep feeling those heady (-ha!) sensations. It might even make her think she was in love with the orgasm-producing person, which would surely make her want to please him...
Ugh, Joel still has issues with that one. She wished there was some way to drill it into his thick skull that she wanted to please him because she truly fucking loved him.
--And maybe she was just being a hypocritical, judgmental bitch about Parker and Caleb. Isn't it completely unfair to decide to not like a person you've never even met?
She wondered if she should run any of this by Sophie... like, before telling Joel. If she told Joel (the jury was out on that one, too). Ellie had made a few 'innocent' remarks to her -- cryptic enough to not give anything away, but pointed enough that if Sophie did know about the sex trading, she would catch on... and she'd concluded that Sophie didn't know anything. Unless she was really good at hiding it from Ellie, but... Ellie didn't think the woman was that skilled a liar. Ellie had also extracted a sisterly promise from Sophie some time ago: she would let Ellie know if she got involved with anyone. It seemed that Sophie had truly meant it when she said she wasn't looking for that anymore. That doesn't stop her from flirting with Jeff, though... who TOTALLY seems like her type... but whenever Ellie teased her about it and tried to get her to admit to having feelings for him, she denied it. Sometimes it made Ellie feel guilty... like, Sophie wanted what Ellie and Joel had, and if she couldn't have that, then fuck it? But NO ONE could ever have what me and Joel have! If she doesn't lower her standards a little, she'll never be with ANYONE!
There was also the possibility that Sophie would tell Joel. Ellie could beg her not to, and probably get her to agree, but then... would Sophie be plagued by thoughts like this, too? Maybe they could talk it through... maybe Sophie could help her decide...
But what if Sophie decided they should go the WHEN IN ROME route -- or what if she decided they needed to try to shut it down altogether -- and Ellie was still unsure? Then what?
Ultimately, she decided that she should protect Sophie from the sordid truth, for her own good. Because sometimes, Ellie wished she didn't know it herself. Then she wouldn't have the burden of this fucking decision on what to do about it.
You don't HAVE to ~do~ anything about it, she reminded herself.
Except... it was bugging the shit out of her, not knowing if that was the right approach.
The one thing Ellie kept circling back to was she didn't have enough information. She needed to meet Caleb. See how he looked at Parker, how he spoke to him... see if there was genuine affection there. Her scrutiny might make the guy uncomfortable, so she might not get a true read, but she felt like she could get an idea... a gut feeling, if nothing else. And if she could talk to some of the other guys at the base, maybe she could find out who else from the resort was participating in the trade. (It would certainly be easier than sneaking out of bed and staking out the secret door every night to see who left -- and she probably wouldn't be able to tell in the dark, even if she did see someone, because they weren't going to be shining flashlights on themselves.) Maybe she could gather more details, and opinions besides Parker's...
Maybe it was all perfectly innocuous; except for Parker, they were all consenting adults, right? (And since Parker was older than her, and she mostly considered herself an adult, she could conceivably lump him into that category as well.) She wanted so much to believe that. I really just have to meet some of them and decide for myself...
...and yeah, okay, I'm also kind of just REALLY FUCKING CURIOUS?
And it felt so good to finally make a decision! To have a plan! It would be so easy. No elaborate scheme to sneak in or break in or anything like that. She didn't even have to finagle an invitation -- she already had one.
Sneaking out on Joel could be problematic... but since she couldn't exactly tell him and expect him to be cool about it, she had no choice. First, she needed to find Parker and find out when he planned to see Caleb next.
She got her chance at dinnertime on the same day she'd decided on this course of action; Parker had turned up when she was about halfway through her plate. They were eating in the outdoor picnic type area overlooking the beach, where most people ate year-round as long as the wind wasn't too nasty. She could wave him over, and he may or may not join her table, but even if he did, it wouldn't have done her any good -- she couldn't try to talk to him in code and expect him to understand!
"I'm gonna go talk to Parker for a sec," she announced to Joel (and anyone else in earshot who cared), hopping up before he could ask her why. Hopefully Joel forgot that I said I don't need to talk to Parker anymore... and doesn't grill me about it later! Abandoning her half-eaten dinner to go talk to the boy probably required some explanation -- especially when the dinner was orange-and-honey-glazed shrimp and couscous (one of her favorites) -- but she could worry about that later. She scurried over to him before he had a chance to pick a seat. "Hey, Parker!"
Parker turned toward her. "Hey," he greeted her... a bit coolly, maybe? (or was that her imagination?)
"Sorry to bug you -- can we, um... can I just talk to you real quick? Alone," she added in a whisper.
"Sure... can I eat while you talk? I'm starving."
"Yeah, of course! Just... like... over here, maybe?" She steered him toward a table far enough away from other people that they wouldn't be overheard -- even by all-ears-Joel, as long as she kept the volume down. She waited a moment for him to get settled in his seat. "So... how's it going?" ...Um, awkward much?
Parker speared a shrimp and took a big bite of it, chewing for a moment before answering. "That's what you wanted to talk about? How it's going?"
Ellie rolled her eyes; he could be such a smartass sometimes. "That's how civilized people start talking to each other, isn't it? But, fine -- I'll get right to the point. When are you going to see Caleb again?"
He eyed her suspiciously. "Why?"
"...Because." Why do I feel nervous? He's the one who asked ME to come...
"Cuz why?" He shoveled the rest of the shrimp in his mouth and reloaded his fork.
I should've just brought my plate over here... it felt a little rude, watching him eat. Plus, she would've liked to have a fork or something to fiddle with during the inevitable awkward moments. "Cuz... I think... maybe I wanna go with you?" Lame... "I do wanna go with you," she said with more conviction.
Parker snorted. "I see why you wanted to talk to me alone. Joel doesn't know?"
Ellie felt her cheeks catch fire. She fiddled with her fingers in lieu of utensils. I fucking HATE that he thinks I want to cheat on Joel! But she couldn't tell him the real reason she wanted to go; concerned citizens were generally just nosy assholes, after all. Jackson had taught her that. And if he thought that she might have the slightest inclination to possibly try to shut down this operation...
Parker was staring at her, perplexed. "I don't get it. You told me you'd never want anyone but him."
"I don't! I mean... I still don't think I will?" Ellie had anticipated some skepticism after the way she'd reacted to his proposal on the boat, and she was prepared. "But you said it's all voluntary, right?"
"Yeah... and if you're choosing to go, then..."
"Okay, yeah, about that -- just cuz I wanna go doesn't mean that I for sure want to-- you know. Fuck the guy, or... whatever." She would never go that far in the name of research! But she had to let Parker think she might like this guy, so...
"You are so red right now," he smirked.
Why does everyone find it so fucking amusing?! "It's just sunburn," she fibbed.
Parker snickered. "Yeahhhh... right... cuz you got so much sun between sitting there and coming over to talk to--"
"Well, sorry if I'm not as cool about it all as you are," she hissed.
He studied her for a long moment, chewing and swallowing before asking, "Are you sure you really wanna go?"
"Yeah. Unless... did you tell the guy I wasn't interested?" That possibility hadn't occurred to her before!
"Haven't seen Caleb since then to tell him. I never met the dude, you know. It was just Caleb telling me."
"Right, so... when are you gonna see him again?"
It took Parker forever to finish gulping down some water and answer her. "Tonight."
"Tonight?! Oh wow, that's... soon..."
"I can tell him you'll come next time, if you want?" Parker offered. All casual-like. "Caleb, I mean. He can pass the message to that guy."
"Okay," Ellie replied gratefully. ...Except when will 'next time' be? I'd have to go another few days with this hanging over my head? Agonizing over what to do, if I should tell Joel... ugh, maybe I should just fucking suck it up and get it over with... "You know what? Tonight's fine. Unless you think... does the guy need to know ahead of time or something?"
"Nope. All Caleb said was to bring you along some time. ...But you really don't seem like you wanna--"
"I do! As long as it's like you said. I don't have to do anything if... if the guy is creepy or something. But... you never even met him? So you don't know what he's like?"
"Yeah, no... I don't know firsthand, but I'm sure Caleb would've told me if..." He let that trail off. Kept munching on his shrimp... oblivious to her torment!
"If what?" she prompted impatiently.
"At least, I think he would've told me? If the dude was gross or whatever."
"You're not sure, though." Ellie seized the opportunity to inform him of the one condition she had... that she didn't really want Parker to know was a condition. If she could make it seem like it had just occurred to her... She bit her lip the way people did sometimes when feeling nervous. Fuck -- I AM nervous! "Would it be okay if I talked to Caleb about it first? You know, just to... ask him about his friend... and like, get a better feel for the whole... um... process?"
Ellie thought she sounded pretty convincing, but Parker still seemed suspicious! "I dunno, Ellie... maybe you shouldn't come. Like you said, you're happy with Joel--"
"Of course I'm happy with Joel! But that doesn't mean..." Oh God, Joel, forgive me for saying this even if it's a BIG FUCKING LIE! "Like, he's the only person I've ever been with, you know? So I wonder if it's... different... with someone else?"
Parker nodded. "Maybe there's someone you'd like better, and you'll never know if you don't--"
"No, not better! Just... different." Fuck! She just couldn't stand for Parker -- or anyone else on the fucking planet -- to think there might be someone better for her than her sweet, wonderful, perfect Joel. THINK, Ellie-- "I love Joel, okay? I actually think that... if I was with someone else... it wouldn't be as good. I think that, see, but I don't know. How can I know if I've never been with anyone else? Kinda like you were saying, only... with the opposite result in mind? In a weird way, it's like I wanna prove that Joel is the only one for me... like, that sex isn't good when it's with... just some..." She waved her hand vaguely. Damn, that sounded pretty good. Almost like something I might actually do? Except NO I WOULDN'T--
"I get it now," Parker said, much to her relief. "I think. Except I think you're thinking too hard. ...And you just seem guilty as fuck."
Shit! Er... no, I got it-- "Well, duh -- do you think Joel would actually go along with this?" Most rhetorical question EVER.
Parker shrugged; he obviously didn't know Joel very well!
"So is that cool?" she asked. "I come with you and you introduce me to Caleb, and we talk and stuff, and then... if I don't wanna go through with it, I just wait for you guys to... um... finish up? I wouldn't get in your way, I swear."
"Yeah, that's cool. So... what, are you just gonna go ~take a walk~ tonight and tell Joel not to come with?"
Gee, great idea -- maybe Joel won't think it's strange that I've gone on a moonlit stroll for half the night! "No, I'll have to sneak out. But I have a plan for that," she said dismissively.
"Oh yeah? What's that?" he asked, sounding more curious than dubious now.
"Just trust me. Only... I don't know exactly how long it will take, so... can I just come over when I'm ready? What, like... a while after campfire's done?" Too bad no one in this fucking place keeps track of TIME...
"Yeah... okay, but if you take too long, I'm gonna assume you chickened out and I'll just leave."
"No, you have to wait for me!" she protested.
"Not if you're gonna take all night, I don't!" he chuckled.
"I won't, I swear! Please don't leave without me. I will come."
"Okay, okay. Deal. If I'm not in my room, I'll be at the stables. Caleb likes me to show up before midnight. Like, eleven-ish is a good time to leave here. We'd get there in plenty of time on horseback. Think you can do that? You prob'ly don't have a clock..."
"Nope. How do you know... Wait -- you have one?!"
"Gift from Caleb," he replied.
Of course it was.
"If you wanna borrow it just for tonight..."
Oh sure, cuz Joel won't find THAT suspicious at all... fuck, he's probably suspicious of me being over here so long-- she would just make it sound like follow-up to something personal Parker had told her the other day, then immediately change the subject. "It's okay, I can guesstimate. I better get back to my table now... see you then!"
* * * * * *
Ellie wasted no time putting her plan in motion when she and Joel got back to their room that night. She didn't even let him unload his weapons before descending on him, tugging him into a sweet kiss.
Joel chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. "Guess I ain't takin' a shower?"
"Oh hell no!" They only had cold water: if she let him hop in the shower now, she'd have to work that much harder to ~get him in the mood~ -- and she had to get him in the mood tonight. It might help if she accompanied him in there, but cold showers were the worst. So not sexy to be all shivery and goosebumpy -- and preoccupied with how fucking cold they were. She'd take hot and sweaty over that any day. Oddly enough, the cold ocean water wasn't so bad. Most of the time she just let the ocean wash her body, and she washed her hair in the sink when it got to be too... ocean-y (or, more often than not, Joel did it for her, like he had yesterday).
Ellie was pretty sure he didn't really want to take a shower anyway. Not in the dark! She helped him ditch his gear, switching off the flashlight to plunge them into total darkness once they were in the bedroom. Although she was tempted to drop everything on the floor -- that's what people did in the movies! like they got so swept up in their passion that they couldn't be bothered to put everything in its place!? -- she took care to lay the light and one of the guns on his night stand. Noisily enough that Joel knew she was doing it, too; if she didn't do these things, he may or may not get distracted by the insanely unlikely possibility of someone catching him off guard while they were fucking (even though she'd heard him bolt the front door! and the windows weren't exactly easy to break through).
"You're feelin' all right, then?" he actually asked her.
Seriously?! Joel was officially the biggest worrywart she'd ever known. He's not usually THIS bad, though! "Yessssss," she groaned, rolling her eyes (as if he could see her do it). "How many times do I have to tell you--"
"I know, I know... just thought... maybe it came back, or somethin'."
"Well, I haven't been out on a boat in days now, so no, it hasn't come back," she explained patiently as she unbuttoned his shirt. "I've been playing in the ocean and everything -- still good."
"All right. You'd tell me if it did, yeah?"
"Yeah. Why do you want me to be sick, anyway?" she teased, slipping her hands up beneath his undershirt playfully.
He kissed her forehead before helping her dispense with both his shirt and undershirt. "I don't. Believe me, I don't."
"Okay, I believe you." She ran her fingertips around his waistline before setting about undoing his belt. "You should believe me. We've been fucking for a while now... ~Making love~... sorry..." He's still so uptight about that! ...but not ALWAYS... one time, Ellie did get him to admit that he thought it was hot when she'd whispered "fuck me, Joel" in his ear. His body's reaction was really the only tell she needed, and yet she'd fully expected him to deny it afterward. She'd experimentally started sprinkling more 'fucks' throughout her sex convo repertoire, trying to determine where the line was... and she still didn't know. She'd concluded that his mood had as much to do with it as anything else. "Anyway, it's been ages -- and have I ever groped you at campfire when I didn't want to have sex later?"
"...No, I s'pose not..."
She kicked ass these days at undoing his pants by feel; she worked her hand into his unzippered fly. Yessssss, halfway there! "And do I ever wanna have sex when I'm feeling shitty?"
"Yes," Joel chuckled. "Sometimes it makes you feel better."
"Pfff." She let him lift every layer of shirt she was wearing, up over her head. Remember where it all lands, Ellie... no flashlights later... and no opening drawers-- Joel would hear that in his sleep... although she supposed her would-be 'fuckfriend' wouldn't mind terribly if she showed up wearing Joel's clothes? Ha. She certainly wasn't going to dress up special for the guy. The three layers she'd been wearing since sunset would do. "I meant physically shitty, though."
He kissed her bare shoulder, making her shiver (in the good way). "Don' know that answer for sure."
"The answer is no." ...usually? She gave him a few teasing strokes through his underwear. "I know you don't, like if you're too tired..."
"I ain't too tired tonight," he breathed into her neck as his mouth made its way back up to her lips.
Thank God... "I can see that... mm..."
Ellie had felt like a fucking genius when she invented campfire groping. Monterey was wayyyyy warmer than Jackson, but winter nights were chilly enough to snuggle under a blanket, and that was the perfect cover for Ellie's 'naughtiness' (as Joel liked to call it). Usually Joel would lean back against a log with Ellie leaning back against him, tucked between his legs. This wasn't the easiest position to grope him from, but with a little wriggling around, or perhaps shifting up to his actual lap, she could manage. She tried to be discreet, but she didn't always succeed. Of course, at least half of the campfire attendees would be too stoned to notice or care anyway... and the unstoned people who do notice don't care! She still giggled at one particular memory the day after one of these campfire groping sessions... Sophie had approached her on the beach with a gleam in her eye: "Girrrrrrl, what were you DOING to Joel under that blanket last night?!"
It was just innocent, over-the-clothes groping... as for what she was really doing? Giving him the signal. 'Priming the equipment,' sure, but her theory was that Joel's... inclination to have sex on any given day was just as much mental as it was physical, if not more so. If she planted the seed of anticipation early enough, he'd be up for it (pun intended!) even if he was tired. If she didn't, it was more of a crapshoot (to borrow Joel's weird expression). Still, it wasn't foolproof; a couple times, he'd responded by giving her a squeeze and a barely-audible "not tonight, baby girl." She didn't do the grope thing every night because... well, there were some nights she felt ambivalent about sex. Like she could take it or leave it, and she was content with just seeing how things unfolded organically. And sometimes she didn't do it because they'd already had sex that day, and she didn't want to give Joel a heart attack or something (she thought he was only joking whenever he said shit like that, but he was old, so...). On those nights, she was more likely to persuade him to play Rich's guitar and sing for everyone. She loved that! So much that she could even forfeit the campfire snuggle time. They'd even done some duets.
Aaaaand sometimes she didn't do it because of her period. Yep, her aunt from Red River tended to put a damper on things (actually, her aunt seemed to have gotten lost somewhere along the way... Joel had started referring to the river itself arriving instead of some unwelcome relative). He was so sweet to her then. His reaction to the arrival of her period was always a little too happy for her liking, but then he'd be sweet. Was he thinking "OH THANK GOD WE MADE IT ANOTHER MONTH WITH NO PREGNANCY" -- even though he always pulled out, so... of COURSE we did? Or was it more like "OH THANK GOD I GET A BREAK FROM SEX FOR A FEW DAYS"... she had flat-out accused him of both, more than once, and he always denied everything she threw at him. Yes, of course they were careful enough for her not to become pregnant. No, sex with her was not a chore (...to be fair, sometimes he still got her off on those Red River days... it had to gross him out at least a little, but he never let on). Etcetera.
And this one time? She wasn't on her period... it was just a regular night of snuggling, and singing along when appropriate. Things were winding down. When they were a song or two away from the end of campfire, he'd leaned in and whispered "how come you ain't done it yet..." She'd turned to look at him, surprised and delighted by the words, and then even more so at the sexy-as-fuck look he was giving her... That was fucking AWESOME!
She couldn't help thinking that Parker didn't have any of that. It was just... show up and fuck, basically. Or, rather, show up and get high and/or drunk and then fuck. But, again, maybe she was passing judgment too soon. Who was she to decide what they had together? What they felt? Maybe they do make love rather than fuck... obviously they didn't at first, but maybe they sort of... grew into each other, that way? Maybe they touch each other lovingly... caressing, not just groping... maybe they gaze into each other's eyes and know that--
Well, no. Parker had told her that he didn't even know if Caleb loved him! It's not just about saying the words... I've ALWAYS known that Joel loves me. He just needed me to--
"Oh!" she gasped as it dawned on her. It must be different when it's two guys! Fuck -- if Joel was with another JOEL, neither of them would ever--
"That's new." Joel's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"What?"
"I usually get a 'mm' there, not a 'oh.' "
"...Oh." Ellie realized she didn't even know what Joel was referring to, only that he'd misinterpreted her exclamation. Or... was he being sarcastic? She only just now noticed she was naked... and Joel is too, I think? ...yeah, he is... She flung her arms around his neck and molded her body to his. "Well, 'oh's are better, right?"
Joel squeezed her ass and gave her a little kiss. "It's all good. As long as you're... into it."
"Of course I am!" she assured him quickly. One good thing about having almost zero light: Joel couldn't see the lie splashed across her face. It's not even a LIE, exactly, just... I was a little distracted?
"All right then." He eased her onto the bed. Eased himself on top of her.
Ellie coiled her legs around him, aligning their crotches in what he had dubbed the 'maximum teasing' position. Poor Joel... he knows my attention isn't completely on HIM or he wouldn't have made that 'into it' remark... what the fuck is wrong with me anyway? How can I think about anything else when I'm with the sexiest man in the world?! She gave him a long hard kiss before murmuring, "You know how into it I am...?" She shifted around and helped him yank the covers down beneath them.
"How into it," he asked dutifully.
She whispered in his ear like it was a secret (when really it was just an excuse to make him shiver at the touch of her lips on his earlobe). "I'm not going to sleep until I come three-- no, at least three times. And you have to come twice. Minimum. Maybe three times."
Joel chuckled. "Shit. What if I don't?"
"Then... I guess you're not sleeping either? until it happens?"
He kissed along her jawline, and back to her neck... leaning into her heavily. "So demanding..."
"You betcha," she giggled, now pleasantly squished.
Joel lifted his head and... didn't do anything.
"What?"
"Oh, nothin'. You jus' sounded like Sophie there for a second, is all."
"No I didn't! ...I did?"
"You did." He kissed her lightly.
"Fuck -- don't be thinking about other women when you're with me," she teased.
"Then... don't be soundin' like 'em," he countered.
Ellie ended that little exchange by kissing him. She deepened the kiss quickly, opening her mouth to his... tasting his tongue... What DOES he think about when it's not me? she wondered. Cuz... I was just thinking about Parker and Caleb... does he think about other things, too? ...other WOMEN? Like fucking SOPHIE?! Er... not FUCKING Sophie, I hope--
A wave of pleasure broke over that irritating thought, and she vowed to surrender to it. To all the sensations. She pulsed against Joel's dick, which was still in 'tease' position, and wriggled up a little to bring it closer to her entrance. I'm SO ready--
"Already?" Joel murmured against her lips.
"Yes!" Ellie knew he always wanted her to come first, to "get things nice and lubed up," but she was feeling impatient this time. She wedged her hand down there to help him out -- help herself out, really.
He didn't object; he'd gotten pretty good about trusting her to know what she wanted instead of always trying to decide for her. Took him long enough to get there! She'd found that he tended to respond better to physical cues, rather than verbal. Like, she could tell him she was ready, sure, but if he couldn't feel that she was wet, it was a no go. (To be fair, usually there was a direct correlation between her readiness and her wetness.) She knew he liked it when she pulled him inside her. Like this... I grab his ass... and then I squeeze it... try to match his rhythm... kiss him... how the FUCK can someone not like kissing their partner? I still don't get-- -NO, ELLIE, DON'T THINK--
She didn't have to work too hard at that. Not with Joel pumping his love into her! Even though he ultimately wouldn't come inside her, Ellie still liked to think of it that way... that he was filling her up with love. Fucking hot love. "Mmm... faster..."
"...You sure you wanna come three times?"
"Um, yeah?"
" 'Cause you ain't even come once yet, and if I--"
"Okay okay... slooowwweeerrrrr," she drawled, giggling. She thought he was being overly cautious -- he always went longer than a couple minutes, for fuck's sake! -- but he did have a point. Besides, if she really wanted to wear him out and make sure he slept soundly--
"Love you, baby girl."
Aww! She loved it when he told her out of the blue like that. "Love you too... so much..." Maybe it's not TOTALLY out of the blue, since we're making love... out of the purple, then? "Love feeling you inside me," she breathed. She still felt a little silly saying things like that, but Joel never made fun of her for it... and actually, that one really wasn't that bad. She returned the favor for him by not laughing on the rare occasions he blurted out something potentially embarrassing (it was always super sweet!).
He just made a soft grunty sound and resumed kissing her, more soft and sensual now... and fuck, Ellie still wanted to go faster. He unsmushed her enough to massage her left breast while he suckled her throat... her neck -- she fucking loved pretty much any contact his lips made there (he sometimes joked that she would eventually leave him for a vampire). "Faster -- let me just get this first one out!" she pleaded. "Or -- like that -- that's good -- I'll just--" He was still going on the slow side, but she started bucking against him so much that he could've stopped altogether and she would still get there. "Ohhh... oh! Oh fuck! Mmmyeahhhh... unhhh..." She hugged him as hard as she could, trapping his hand between them, as the orgasm rippled through her, blossoming into-- One last-- "Ohhhhhhh JOOOEELLLL!" (because he fucking loved it when she moaned his name at the end!)
He froze in place. "Shit... I knew I shoulda kissed you..."
Ellie giggled; she knew he was referring to the fact that her... well... enthusiastic verbalizations... turned him on so much that he allegedly had to fight the urge to come instantly. When he swallowed her moans with his mouth, it wasn't nearly as bad (or good?), although he found the muffled moaning or whimpering very arousing as well -- along with the amplified fervor channeled into her tongue. Then of course there was her sexy movement to contend with... yep, I know how to drive him crazy, in multiple ways! "You're fine. Just stay frozen for a minute," she advised.
He lifted himself enough that their flesh made a little squoogie noise from the sweat. "Nothin' frozen here at the moment."
"Ha! Yeah... it's hot as hell in here now..." Which is ~perfect~ for my plan, actually-- "Can we open the window?"
"...Right now?"
"No, silly, unless you can open it with me attached to you..." She tugged his face to hers and kissed him -- on his nose, his cheek, his beard, his chin--
Until he captured her lips with his. "Mm. Is that a challenge?"
"Noooooooooo..."
"I think it is."
"I mean... if you really want to... maybe it would, uh... help your cause?"
He chuckled. "Maybe." Anything that took his mind off of his arousal would be helpful. He'd told her that when he was younger, he would force himself to replay stuff from football games in his mind if he had an unwanted boner to get rid of.
Except he hadn't worded it quite like that, of course. Just once I want to hear Joel say 'boner'! And this was a little different... he wanted to sustain it, not eliminate it. A feat that must require much more finesse, Ellie imagined. Can't go too far one way or the other... and it was probably a good thing Joel was the one who had to deal with that, not her, because it was impossible for her to deny her body an orgasm it decided it was gonna have right here right now. "Ooo... you're really gonna do it, huh?" she marveled as he rolled them over. When she was on top, she immediately sat up straight. "Maybe I won't let you. Maybe I wanna have my second orgasm just like this."
"You can do that after," he suggested. But he didn't resist when she gathered his hands in hers and leaned forward, pinning them over his head. He chuckled under his breath. "Uhhh... this... this right here? Ain't helpin' my cause, as you put it."
"Fuck... I'm too damn hot!" she giggled as she bent down to kiss him.
"That you are."
Joel certainly made her feel like she was, anyway. "Anyways you can't just... walk around while I'm sitting on your dick!"
"Says who?"
"Says me!"
"Says you. Are you an expert on this?"
"On what -- dick walking? Hell yeah I am."
"Do you have one yourself?"
"What, a dick? Pfff -- I see where you're going with this."
"Answer the question, please. Do you have one or not?"
"Man, you are so not observant if you can't tell that for--"
"It's a yes or no question."
"Haha! Are you copying me from the other day? Mimicking me, I mean. Pfff -- I know you want me to have one, for some strange reason," she teased. And then in her Joel voice: " 'You shoulda been a goddamn BOY, baby GIRL...' "
He almost laughed at that! "If you would kindly just answer the--"
"No, I don't. I don't have a fucking dick. Happy now?"
"Extremely. You ain't got one, therefore, you're disqualified."
"Disqualified from what?!"
"Bein' an expert on dick-walkin'." He started to sit up himself.
Ellie only half-ass-edly tried to stop him. "Okay but it better not fall out."
He pulled her in for a little kiss, tangling a hand in her hair. "That would be... tragic. How would we ever get it back in again?"
She giggled. "I don't know! That would be so hard... ha! So hard."
"Cute. You know... it wouldn't have to be hard. We could put it in soft," he said -- without the faintest trace of laughter in his voice!
"Ohhh fuck you, you dick!" She swatted his shoulder. "You said you were gonna stop teasing me about that!"
"I said no such thing. But who's teasin'? I was... offerin' a solution to your--"
"Fuck. You," she repeated through gritted teeth, and she grabbed his neck to mock-strangle him. But then he shifted a little, and she got distracted by the electric waves he'd just shot up through her middle yet somehow also out to her toes (she didn't care what he said -- his dick was magical). Orgasm number two, coming right up! ...Except it would take a little longer for her to get there, the second time. Usually. Which only served to make it better.
Present moment aside, Ellie was still annoyed with him for letting her spew that bullshit for weeks. Weeks! Now she felt like such an idiot for ever believing that would work. And for even being worried about the pain of her first time. What the fuck was wrong with her? After all the various injuries and maladies she'd suffered, it was like... a pinprick by comparison. ...Well, no, not that... that's not very flattering to Joel... ha!
She had forgotten all about her ridiculous idea, once they'd actually had sex -- it was Joel who had fucking brought it up in bed a few days later:
"Ellie, I was thinkin'..."
"Uh-ohhhhh!"
"Maybe we oughta try out that idea you had."
"Which idea? I've got LOADS of those..."
"This... is one of the best ones you've ever had."
"What? Really?? Why haven't we done it yet?"
"I don' know. That's exactly what I was thinkin'."
"So which one?! Ocean sex? I don't remember you liking--"
"No, no. Nothin' like that."
"Shower sex."
"Nope."
"Counter sex. Chair sex. Desk sex. Table sex. Closet sex. WALL sex-- oh wait, we did that one already!"
"No to all of that. This one was BRILLIANT."
"...Brilliant? Then why don't I fucking remember!"
"You yourself said it was brilliant. You were quite pleased with yourself for dreamin' it up."
"...the fuck... Joel, are you high? I think I would remember if it's so awesome! When was this? When did I mention it?"
"It was a little while before our first time. Then all the way up UNTIL our first time. After that, you forgot all about it."
"...Dude, seriously, I have no... idea... wait a minute..."
"Is it comin' back to you?"
"Wait, why do you wanna try THAT?"
"Try what?"
"Are you soft right now? -yeah, you are... but we don't need to do that cuz it doesn't really hurt."
"...What do you mean it don't REALLY hurt? Does it hurt at all?"
"No! I mean... sometimes it's a little like... I dunno. It doesn't hurt, though, don't worry. So... you really wanna try it?"
"I'm game if you are."
"...Okay... um, would it even WORK?"
"That's what we gotta find out. Here, let's..."
"...Okay so like... you just... how would it even go IN if it's not hard? This... uh... it's so FLOPPY right now."
"Good point. I thought maybe you knew somethin' that I didn't."
"About sex? With a dick?! Why would I know more than-- hey, you're laughing! Behind that disguise you're laughing!"
"What disguise?"
"Your fucking FACE -- you're making fun of me!"
"No I ain't."
"You are! You always fucking KNEW it wouldn't work! Didn't you!"
"Ow!"
"DIDN'T YOU! ...Stop fucking laughing for a second! ...Joel, seriously, stop!"
"... I... I can't... yet... I'm sorry, it's just-- ...the look on your face..."
"I fucking hate you."
"Awww, don't be like that. All right, I'm done. See? All done laughin'."
"Why didn't you just TELL ME!"
"Tell you what?"
"Duh -- that it wouldn't work! You acted like it was a good idea!"
"It was a very good idea."
"It was a very STUPID idea!"
"No, it was... precious."
"Ugh... that's code for DUMB AS FUCK."
"Not dumb -- CUTE."
"Pfffff."
"It was cute as hell."
"You should've fucking told me right away that it was dumb! UGGHH-- you were laughing at me the whole time!"
"Not laughin' at you. En--"
"ENJOYING me. What the fuck ever. You still should've told me."
"It gave you comfort, didn't it? To believe it?"
"But it's the stupidest thing ever!"
"No, Ellie -- no. You didn' know. How could you?"
"But-- but no one else has ever thought that, right? Your other girlfriends? Your wife?"
"I... can't speak for everyone in the world, but I would say--"
"That you know of, then. Anyone you know?"
"...No. Maybe they just never told me."
"Whatever. You're gonna give me shit about this forever now, aren't you."
"Not forever. Maybe... just for the next ten years or-- hey!"
"Motherfucker! You have to forget I ever said something so stupid!"
"Oh, I'll never forget it. It's too PRECIOUS."
"Have you told anyone else? Who else knows?!"
"No one. I swear."
"...You better not be lying."
"You know I don't talk to anyone about this shit. It's... personal. Private. YOU, though... I'm surprised you didn't tell Sophie."
"I almost did! I started to ask her about it --before -- and then changed my mind. I SHOULD have told her-- she would've fucking told me it was the lamest idea ever!"
"Quit callin' it that. Besides... it DOES help..."
"What?"
"You... touchin' me... then if I rub up against you... like... this... see... like it's tryin' to go in... that feels nice, don't it?"
"Stop it -- I'm too pissed at you."
"...Do you REALLY want me to stop... because... I think... you're likin' it... hm?"
"But you're an asshole. ...Don't kiss me, either!"
"Let me make it up to you~~"
"... ...fuck... okay, only because you OWE me for this! Big time!"
Yes, the only good thing about it was that whenever Joel teased her, Ellie could pout and stuff until he felt bad enough to "make it up" to her. Which typically involved bonus orgasms!
Joel was shifting them around a bit now. "You have to help me out here. Hold on to me the normal way..."
She stopped pretending to choke him and hugged his neck instead. "Uh... you're on the wrong side of the bed. Window's over there."
"That ain't challengin' enough. This way's a few extra steps, see."
She thought she heard him strain slightly when he stood up, but he still made it seem easy. She giggled. "We should fuck like this all the time."
He moved slowly, sort of leaning into the bed to find where it ended. "Any time we walk anywhere, we go like this?"
"Yes! Wouldn't that be so fun?"
"...Maybe if this place turns into a nudist colony, we'll do that."
"I've heard of those! Do people walk around having sex all the time?!"
"No," he chuckled. "It ain't about that. All right... uh... how 'bout if I..."
He shifted her enough to free up one of his arms. Ellie started planting little kisses up his neck. What a fun little game... she nipped his flesh playfully.
He remained focused, however. "Shit... I forgot it's locked..." It was early enough yet that the solar lights on the walkway outside provided a little bit of light, once Joel drew the curtain back. "Hang on..."
"You mean literally? Yeah, kind of stuck here." She gyrated experimentally, just a little. "Ooo... that's nice..."
"Can you... not? Please? I've almost got it..."
"Oh, what's wrong? Is it too challenging if I move?" she fucking challenged him!
"...All right... do what you want, I can handle it."
"You're such a guy," Ellie giggled. "Always have to show off your mad physical skillz."
"You have a competitive streak, too, kiddo."
"Not like yours! I'd be like fuck you, bee-yotch, I'ma WORKIN' here!"
"...I don' know who you're doin' there..."
"No one. I made it up. You like that voice?"
"I was gonna say, if it's me, you usually do it better than that."
As demonstrated moments ago. "Yeah, my Joel voice is pretty fucking spot-on. 'Hi, my name is Joel, an' I'm a MACHO MAN. I can benchpress two Ellies at once!' "
"Uh... what?"
" 'Yeah. An' then I fuck 'em both! Wait -- no I don't. I ~make sweet love~ to them.' "
"Two of you? At the same time? Christ."
"You can barely handle one of me, right?" she giggled.
"Got that right."
"Your dick might fall off."
"...It very well might." He finally got the window pane to slide left, and the refreshingly cool air wafted in.
"You did it!" she congratulated him. "And it didn't fall out! Not off or out!"
Joel pivoted and slammed her back down on the bed, making her squeal as she found herself suddenly smushed again. She loved it when he was playful like this! With or without the sex, really. They just... had so much fun together.
"Fuck -- I was so busy doing my impression of you I forgot to keep moving!" she lamented.
"Oops. Too late now. But go ahead an' move all you want..."
She rolled them over so she was on top again, but this time, she didn't sit up. "I'm gonna come so hard this way," she whispered in his ear, taking care to brush her lips over his earlobe.
"Mm... me too..."
And she would, with a little help from Joel. She liked being on top, but it was hard not to be a little bit awkward with her movements. At least at first... once she really got going, her body basically just took the fuck over. But before that, Joel would encourage her to try moving in different ways. He said there was no rule dictating what the 'right' way was, so she should experiment and see what she liked best (getting him to tell her what he preferred took some doing, however). Different speeds... different angles... gyrating... whatever she wanted. In the end, when her body just did whatever it was going to do, she did tend to revert to her tried-and-true favorite motions. It was usually fucking amazing. The only times it was slightly less so (like... only amazing, versus fucking amazing?) was when Joel reached his breaking point just a liiiiiittle too soon. Like when she was in the middle of a nice rolling orgasm that lasted longer than usual.
What really sucked about that was that Ellie knew this was exactly how it was supposed to be -- two lovers climaxing together, experiencing the same (or very similar?) fantastic sensations at basically the same time -- literally coming together as one-- and yet, Joel wouldn't let it happen. Sometimes he rolled her over before he reached that 'point of no return,' in anticipation of it... he said it was easier to pull out when he was on top. Even then, Ellie made it very difficult for him sometimes, clenching her legs around him and holding him as tightly as she could. There were times he just barely made it out before exploding.
They would talk about it, afterward... Joel would pet her hair, a gesture she'd found soothing for so long now... and he'd apologize if he got the feeling he had upset her. Like when he rolled her over and she was all "no no no no!". It made him feel bad (although not bad enough to fucking not do it). He would try to explain, for the millionth time, why he had to pull out, why that position was easier, how hard it was for him to do it at all when it felt so damn good -- all that shit. "Yes, Joel, it's FINE. Really!" she would assure him.
Of course, if he would just let her give him a fucking blow job to get him off, it wouldn't be as much of an issue! He claimed that her hands felt just as good (a total lie)... but if he timed it right, he didn't need either.
Ellie had no one to compare him to, of course, but she knew Joel was a good lover (a fact that was reinforced by some of the amusing sex stories Sophie liked to share with her). He cared more about her pleasure than his own. It might take him an hour or so after that first time to get hard again, but if Ellie wanted sex more than sleep, then by God, he would stay up with her until she'd had her fill.
* * * * * *
Three orgasms later (yes, she'd had a total of four), followed by a shitload of guilt and anxiety, Ellie was on her way to Parker's. She needn't have worried about accidentally falling asleep with Joel; she would have loved nothing more, but as soon as the fun part of her plan was over, her stomach started churning itself into a knot. Joel almost closed the window when he got up to pee, but she begged him to leave it open, promising she wouldn't get too cold. Really she just needed that white noise -- the distant roar of the ocean -- to help diminish any noise she might make (and since Joel had said he found the sound soothing, it should also help him sleep better!). The window had a thick mesh screen, so she had never intended to climb through it, but even with painstakingly-slow movements, she risked waking Joel up if the room was dead silent. She knew he slept better after he came, too, so... hopefully having TWO orgasms makes him sleep EXRA good? Fortunately, they'd been in a safe environment for so long now that he did seem less inclined to wake up for things as minor as her rolling over or getting up to pee.
He did still suffer the occasional nightmare... but that was a chance she was going to have to take. Hopefully she'd be back in a few hours, and if Joel did notice her absence in the meantime -- or if she woke him when she came home? -- she could use Parker's suggestion and say she went for a 'midnight stroll' on the beach because she couldn't sleep or some shit. He would probably grumble about how she should've woken him up, but he wouldn't be seriously mad.
Oh, Joel... if you only knew how much I'd rather be curled up with you sleeping right now! She wanted it so much that part of her had actually hoped he would wake up when she was leaving, forcing her to ditch Parker for the night. Escape had taken her longer than expected; her failure to note where all her clothes had landed hadn't helped, although it wasn't that big a deal in the end. She just had to move So. Fucking. Slowly.
And then she walked briskly to Parker's room, not daring to use her flashlight in case anyone else happened to be going for a true midnight stroll. She didn't have the help of the solar lights this late at night, but the little sliver of a moon and the twinkly stars lit the way juuuuust enough. Man... this is SO different from the last time I was going to his room... I was innocent then. Totally unsuspecting.
She knocked tentatively on Parker's door. Maybe he's already gone... and then I'll go to the stables and he won't be there, either... WHOOPS, too late! Back to Joel I go--
The door swung open. "You made it," said a voice. It was Parker's, naturally, but she couldn't see him at all.
"Of course I did. I told you I had a plan."
"What'd you do -- drug Joel?"
"Uh... something like that."
"I was joking. Seriously? You--"
"I said something like that. He's sleeping really good. I thought you might be at the stables already. Am I too early? I have no idea what time it is." Surely we were making love for at least a couple hours, counting the in-between cuddling and stuff?
Parker moved away from the door... to check his glow-in-the-dark clock that Ellie totally hadn't noticed when she'd been here during daylight hours. "It's like 10:45. Close enough, we can go," he decided.
Good, because if we have to wait even just fifteen fucking minutes... The thought was intolerable, as Ellie was antsy and impatient as fuck. I just wanna get this over with! She wanted to go and check things out and realize it was all no big deal -- that she was silly to have fretted over the need to do something to put an end to it, because they were all very nice gentlemen who perhaps got a little lonely at times, but were totally loving and respectful and all that shit. There would be a perfectly good explanation for why it was kept on the down-low. It was all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns ~ all parties involved were happy as fuck with everything. And Caleb certainly wasn't a scummy douchebag just using Parker for sex -- nope! They're in love, just like any other--
Fuuuuck -- who am I kidding?! -- it's not working. She managed not to choke on the bullshit she was feeding herself... but it settled very heavily in the pit of her stomach, indigestible as a rock.
~Continue to Chapter 7~
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,736
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
A couple days later, Ellie still didn't know what to do with the shit Parker had told her.
On the one hand, it was none of her business. Things had been this way since long before she and Joel had arrived -- uninvited, at that. Well, then we DID get invited to stay... only because we were cool with everything. -Everything we KNEW about, anyway! And we WANTED to stay because they were so cool with US... with COUPLE-us.
On the other hand, it was just... so fucking creepy. Parker had referred to himself as a special request. She imagined the soldiers ordering up whores like people ordered food in movies: "I'll take a teenage boy, hold the ketchup..." ...Or was it just a teenager in general? Ellie knew the ages of everyone in Golden Sands, and she knew that the next youngest (grown) male was Jeffrey, the surfer dude. He was thirty-one. She couldn't imagine him agreeing to be some guy's... 'dinner,' like that. If it was a woman requesting him... maybe. But according to Parker, it was all men over there. Ellie knew that some people were perfectly capable of fucking people they didn't love, but... wouldn't Jeff still have to see the chick first, and at least see if she's hot? Caleb might have checked out Parker on the beach first, but Parker said they don't do that anymore. People just... go.
Anyways, Parker was pretty much it in the youth department. The youngest female, other than herself and six-year-old Gabby, was Nina, at twenty-nine. And Ellie reeeeally couldn't imagine her whoring herself out. Not just because of Alex, but because... well, she was so sweet and nice and... not-whore-y.
But then... who was whorey? The only whore she knew personally was Christine, that slut in Jackson who stole the boyfriend of Ellie's BFF Annie last summer (good riddance to the douchebag... but still). ...Okay, so SLUT and WHORE are technically two different things, but I bet that cunt would have no problem ~doing the job~ here.
She thought Parker might know the identities of some of the other... er... participants... maybe not all of them, but more than he was letting on. She hadn't pressed him on it, because a) she didn't want to pressure him to betray any confidences, and b) she really didn't want to know. ...except she fucking did want to know. She did and she didn't! It was driving her a little nuts, wondering who was whoring themselves out and who wasn't. Sylvia, obviously... but who the fuck else?
And yet... on the other other hand (...her foot?), Parker was actually happy with the arrangement. Ellie believed that he believed he loved Caleb... but in her heart, she just couldn't believe it was actually true. She knew that she was lucky as fuck to have Joel, and that what they shared was rare, so she wondered if she was just being a snob about it, thinking that no way could Parker and Caleb have anything that even came close to that level of awesomeness. But she just couldn't shake the feeling that they should have something that kinda sorta barely resembles it, like if you squint real hard at it? And she couldn't see it. Not based on the things Parker had told her.
At first, she'd been all excited at the thought of telling Joel. She just couldn't decide which was the more appropriate way to present it: "See? We're not the only ones! It's totally cool for an adult to be with a teenager!" (except what if he didn't think it was cool?) ...or more like "See? Parker's CRUSH is what you were scared of with me at the beginning: it's not based in reality, it's more about lust than love. You can see the difference between me and Parker though, right?" (except what if he couldn't see the difference?)
Undecided, she did neither.
It was kind of ironic that her opinion of Parker and Caleb was colored by Joel's opinion on the subject in general -- that outdated ideology she'd had to bust holes in to get through to him. Or maybe it was just that she was more of a love expert now? Like... if she and Joel had never fallen in love, would she be more able to accept Parker's love as 'legit'? Because she wouldn't know any better? -Yes, she'd had Riley... sort of... but that was a million years ago, and they had been best friends. The romance had never even had a chance to bloom. Lots of people didn't have the friends thing first. Like Parker and Caleb: they met, and it was like love at first--
Except they didn't just fucking MEET.
Ellie decided she didn't like Caleb, despite the fact that she'd never met the dude. He was obviously using Parker for sex. ...right? Maybe Parker didn't see it that way, especially because Caleb didn't even ask him to do anything the first few times he went over there. It was kind of hard for her to imagine doing sex stuff with anyone who wasn't Joel -- the person closest to her in the whole world -- but Joel had strongly intimated that most guys tended to be... well... a bit less discriminating? So, she tried to think more like a guy. If she were to lower her inhibitions by getting high (perhaps closing her eyes to help make it solely about the pleasurable feelings)... and she felt warm lips and a nice wet tongue down there... if she'd never experienced anything like making love before... yeah, I'd probably think it was pretty awesome getting my dick sucked, no matter who was doing it. WAY better than using my own hand! It would make her want to go back for more. To keep feeling those heady (-ha!) sensations. It might even make her think she was in love with the orgasm-producing person, which would surely make her want to please him...
Ugh, Joel still has issues with that one. She wished there was some way to drill it into his thick skull that she wanted to please him because she truly fucking loved him.
--And maybe she was just being a hypocritical, judgmental bitch about Parker and Caleb. Isn't it completely unfair to decide to not like a person you've never even met?
She wondered if she should run any of this by Sophie... like, before telling Joel. If she told Joel (the jury was out on that one, too). Ellie had made a few 'innocent' remarks to her -- cryptic enough to not give anything away, but pointed enough that if Sophie did know about the sex trading, she would catch on... and she'd concluded that Sophie didn't know anything. Unless she was really good at hiding it from Ellie, but... Ellie didn't think the woman was that skilled a liar. Ellie had also extracted a sisterly promise from Sophie some time ago: she would let Ellie know if she got involved with anyone. It seemed that Sophie had truly meant it when she said she wasn't looking for that anymore. That doesn't stop her from flirting with Jeff, though... who TOTALLY seems like her type... but whenever Ellie teased her about it and tried to get her to admit to having feelings for him, she denied it. Sometimes it made Ellie feel guilty... like, Sophie wanted what Ellie and Joel had, and if she couldn't have that, then fuck it? But NO ONE could ever have what me and Joel have! If she doesn't lower her standards a little, she'll never be with ANYONE!
There was also the possibility that Sophie would tell Joel. Ellie could beg her not to, and probably get her to agree, but then... would Sophie be plagued by thoughts like this, too? Maybe they could talk it through... maybe Sophie could help her decide...
But what if Sophie decided they should go the WHEN IN ROME route -- or what if she decided they needed to try to shut it down altogether -- and Ellie was still unsure? Then what?
Ultimately, she decided that she should protect Sophie from the sordid truth, for her own good. Because sometimes, Ellie wished she didn't know it herself. Then she wouldn't have the burden of this fucking decision on what to do about it.
You don't HAVE to ~do~ anything about it, she reminded herself.
Except... it was bugging the shit out of her, not knowing if that was the right approach.
The one thing Ellie kept circling back to was she didn't have enough information. She needed to meet Caleb. See how he looked at Parker, how he spoke to him... see if there was genuine affection there. Her scrutiny might make the guy uncomfortable, so she might not get a true read, but she felt like she could get an idea... a gut feeling, if nothing else. And if she could talk to some of the other guys at the base, maybe she could find out who else from the resort was participating in the trade. (It would certainly be easier than sneaking out of bed and staking out the secret door every night to see who left -- and she probably wouldn't be able to tell in the dark, even if she did see someone, because they weren't going to be shining flashlights on themselves.) Maybe she could gather more details, and opinions besides Parker's...
Maybe it was all perfectly innocuous; except for Parker, they were all consenting adults, right? (And since Parker was older than her, and she mostly considered herself an adult, she could conceivably lump him into that category as well.) She wanted so much to believe that. I really just have to meet some of them and decide for myself...
...and yeah, okay, I'm also kind of just REALLY FUCKING CURIOUS?
And it felt so good to finally make a decision! To have a plan! It would be so easy. No elaborate scheme to sneak in or break in or anything like that. She didn't even have to finagle an invitation -- she already had one.
Sneaking out on Joel could be problematic... but since she couldn't exactly tell him and expect him to be cool about it, she had no choice. First, she needed to find Parker and find out when he planned to see Caleb next.
She got her chance at dinnertime on the same day she'd decided on this course of action; Parker had turned up when she was about halfway through her plate. They were eating in the outdoor picnic type area overlooking the beach, where most people ate year-round as long as the wind wasn't too nasty. She could wave him over, and he may or may not join her table, but even if he did, it wouldn't have done her any good -- she couldn't try to talk to him in code and expect him to understand!
"I'm gonna go talk to Parker for a sec," she announced to Joel (and anyone else in earshot who cared), hopping up before he could ask her why. Hopefully Joel forgot that I said I don't need to talk to Parker anymore... and doesn't grill me about it later! Abandoning her half-eaten dinner to go talk to the boy probably required some explanation -- especially when the dinner was orange-and-honey-glazed shrimp and couscous (one of her favorites) -- but she could worry about that later. She scurried over to him before he had a chance to pick a seat. "Hey, Parker!"
Parker turned toward her. "Hey," he greeted her... a bit coolly, maybe? (or was that her imagination?)
"Sorry to bug you -- can we, um... can I just talk to you real quick? Alone," she added in a whisper.
"Sure... can I eat while you talk? I'm starving."
"Yeah, of course! Just... like... over here, maybe?" She steered him toward a table far enough away from other people that they wouldn't be overheard -- even by all-ears-Joel, as long as she kept the volume down. She waited a moment for him to get settled in his seat. "So... how's it going?" ...Um, awkward much?
Parker speared a shrimp and took a big bite of it, chewing for a moment before answering. "That's what you wanted to talk about? How it's going?"
Ellie rolled her eyes; he could be such a smartass sometimes. "That's how civilized people start talking to each other, isn't it? But, fine -- I'll get right to the point. When are you going to see Caleb again?"
He eyed her suspiciously. "Why?"
"...Because." Why do I feel nervous? He's the one who asked ME to come...
"Cuz why?" He shoveled the rest of the shrimp in his mouth and reloaded his fork.
I should've just brought my plate over here... it felt a little rude, watching him eat. Plus, she would've liked to have a fork or something to fiddle with during the inevitable awkward moments. "Cuz... I think... maybe I wanna go with you?" Lame... "I do wanna go with you," she said with more conviction.
Parker snorted. "I see why you wanted to talk to me alone. Joel doesn't know?"
Ellie felt her cheeks catch fire. She fiddled with her fingers in lieu of utensils. I fucking HATE that he thinks I want to cheat on Joel! But she couldn't tell him the real reason she wanted to go; concerned citizens were generally just nosy assholes, after all. Jackson had taught her that. And if he thought that she might have the slightest inclination to possibly try to shut down this operation...
Parker was staring at her, perplexed. "I don't get it. You told me you'd never want anyone but him."
"I don't! I mean... I still don't think I will?" Ellie had anticipated some skepticism after the way she'd reacted to his proposal on the boat, and she was prepared. "But you said it's all voluntary, right?"
"Yeah... and if you're choosing to go, then..."
"Okay, yeah, about that -- just cuz I wanna go doesn't mean that I for sure want to-- you know. Fuck the guy, or... whatever." She would never go that far in the name of research! But she had to let Parker think she might like this guy, so...
"You are so red right now," he smirked.
Why does everyone find it so fucking amusing?! "It's just sunburn," she fibbed.
Parker snickered. "Yeahhhh... right... cuz you got so much sun between sitting there and coming over to talk to--"
"Well, sorry if I'm not as cool about it all as you are," she hissed.
He studied her for a long moment, chewing and swallowing before asking, "Are you sure you really wanna go?"
"Yeah. Unless... did you tell the guy I wasn't interested?" That possibility hadn't occurred to her before!
"Haven't seen Caleb since then to tell him. I never met the dude, you know. It was just Caleb telling me."
"Right, so... when are you gonna see him again?"
It took Parker forever to finish gulping down some water and answer her. "Tonight."
"Tonight?! Oh wow, that's... soon..."
"I can tell him you'll come next time, if you want?" Parker offered. All casual-like. "Caleb, I mean. He can pass the message to that guy."
"Okay," Ellie replied gratefully. ...Except when will 'next time' be? I'd have to go another few days with this hanging over my head? Agonizing over what to do, if I should tell Joel... ugh, maybe I should just fucking suck it up and get it over with... "You know what? Tonight's fine. Unless you think... does the guy need to know ahead of time or something?"
"Nope. All Caleb said was to bring you along some time. ...But you really don't seem like you wanna--"
"I do! As long as it's like you said. I don't have to do anything if... if the guy is creepy or something. But... you never even met him? So you don't know what he's like?"
"Yeah, no... I don't know firsthand, but I'm sure Caleb would've told me if..." He let that trail off. Kept munching on his shrimp... oblivious to her torment!
"If what?" she prompted impatiently.
"At least, I think he would've told me? If the dude was gross or whatever."
"You're not sure, though." Ellie seized the opportunity to inform him of the one condition she had... that she didn't really want Parker to know was a condition. If she could make it seem like it had just occurred to her... She bit her lip the way people did sometimes when feeling nervous. Fuck -- I AM nervous! "Would it be okay if I talked to Caleb about it first? You know, just to... ask him about his friend... and like, get a better feel for the whole... um... process?"
Ellie thought she sounded pretty convincing, but Parker still seemed suspicious! "I dunno, Ellie... maybe you shouldn't come. Like you said, you're happy with Joel--"
"Of course I'm happy with Joel! But that doesn't mean..." Oh God, Joel, forgive me for saying this even if it's a BIG FUCKING LIE! "Like, he's the only person I've ever been with, you know? So I wonder if it's... different... with someone else?"
Parker nodded. "Maybe there's someone you'd like better, and you'll never know if you don't--"
"No, not better! Just... different." Fuck! She just couldn't stand for Parker -- or anyone else on the fucking planet -- to think there might be someone better for her than her sweet, wonderful, perfect Joel. THINK, Ellie-- "I love Joel, okay? I actually think that... if I was with someone else... it wouldn't be as good. I think that, see, but I don't know. How can I know if I've never been with anyone else? Kinda like you were saying, only... with the opposite result in mind? In a weird way, it's like I wanna prove that Joel is the only one for me... like, that sex isn't good when it's with... just some..." She waved her hand vaguely. Damn, that sounded pretty good. Almost like something I might actually do? Except NO I WOULDN'T--
"I get it now," Parker said, much to her relief. "I think. Except I think you're thinking too hard. ...And you just seem guilty as fuck."
Shit! Er... no, I got it-- "Well, duh -- do you think Joel would actually go along with this?" Most rhetorical question EVER.
Parker shrugged; he obviously didn't know Joel very well!
"So is that cool?" she asked. "I come with you and you introduce me to Caleb, and we talk and stuff, and then... if I don't wanna go through with it, I just wait for you guys to... um... finish up? I wouldn't get in your way, I swear."
"Yeah, that's cool. So... what, are you just gonna go ~take a walk~ tonight and tell Joel not to come with?"
Gee, great idea -- maybe Joel won't think it's strange that I've gone on a moonlit stroll for half the night! "No, I'll have to sneak out. But I have a plan for that," she said dismissively.
"Oh yeah? What's that?" he asked, sounding more curious than dubious now.
"Just trust me. Only... I don't know exactly how long it will take, so... can I just come over when I'm ready? What, like... a while after campfire's done?" Too bad no one in this fucking place keeps track of TIME...
"Yeah... okay, but if you take too long, I'm gonna assume you chickened out and I'll just leave."
"No, you have to wait for me!" she protested.
"Not if you're gonna take all night, I don't!" he chuckled.
"I won't, I swear! Please don't leave without me. I will come."
"Okay, okay. Deal. If I'm not in my room, I'll be at the stables. Caleb likes me to show up before midnight. Like, eleven-ish is a good time to leave here. We'd get there in plenty of time on horseback. Think you can do that? You prob'ly don't have a clock..."
"Nope. How do you know... Wait -- you have one?!"
"Gift from Caleb," he replied.
Of course it was.
"If you wanna borrow it just for tonight..."
Oh sure, cuz Joel won't find THAT suspicious at all... fuck, he's probably suspicious of me being over here so long-- she would just make it sound like follow-up to something personal Parker had told her the other day, then immediately change the subject. "It's okay, I can guesstimate. I better get back to my table now... see you then!"
* * * * * *
Ellie wasted no time putting her plan in motion when she and Joel got back to their room that night. She didn't even let him unload his weapons before descending on him, tugging him into a sweet kiss.
Joel chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. "Guess I ain't takin' a shower?"
"Oh hell no!" They only had cold water: if she let him hop in the shower now, she'd have to work that much harder to ~get him in the mood~ -- and she had to get him in the mood tonight. It might help if she accompanied him in there, but cold showers were the worst. So not sexy to be all shivery and goosebumpy -- and preoccupied with how fucking cold they were. She'd take hot and sweaty over that any day. Oddly enough, the cold ocean water wasn't so bad. Most of the time she just let the ocean wash her body, and she washed her hair in the sink when it got to be too... ocean-y (or, more often than not, Joel did it for her, like he had yesterday).
Ellie was pretty sure he didn't really want to take a shower anyway. Not in the dark! She helped him ditch his gear, switching off the flashlight to plunge them into total darkness once they were in the bedroom. Although she was tempted to drop everything on the floor -- that's what people did in the movies! like they got so swept up in their passion that they couldn't be bothered to put everything in its place!? -- she took care to lay the light and one of the guns on his night stand. Noisily enough that Joel knew she was doing it, too; if she didn't do these things, he may or may not get distracted by the insanely unlikely possibility of someone catching him off guard while they were fucking (even though she'd heard him bolt the front door! and the windows weren't exactly easy to break through).
"You're feelin' all right, then?" he actually asked her.
Seriously?! Joel was officially the biggest worrywart she'd ever known. He's not usually THIS bad, though! "Yessssss," she groaned, rolling her eyes (as if he could see her do it). "How many times do I have to tell you--"
"I know, I know... just thought... maybe it came back, or somethin'."
"Well, I haven't been out on a boat in days now, so no, it hasn't come back," she explained patiently as she unbuttoned his shirt. "I've been playing in the ocean and everything -- still good."
"All right. You'd tell me if it did, yeah?"
"Yeah. Why do you want me to be sick, anyway?" she teased, slipping her hands up beneath his undershirt playfully.
He kissed her forehead before helping her dispense with both his shirt and undershirt. "I don't. Believe me, I don't."
"Okay, I believe you." She ran her fingertips around his waistline before setting about undoing his belt. "You should believe me. We've been fucking for a while now... ~Making love~... sorry..." He's still so uptight about that! ...but not ALWAYS... one time, Ellie did get him to admit that he thought it was hot when she'd whispered "fuck me, Joel" in his ear. His body's reaction was really the only tell she needed, and yet she'd fully expected him to deny it afterward. She'd experimentally started sprinkling more 'fucks' throughout her sex convo repertoire, trying to determine where the line was... and she still didn't know. She'd concluded that his mood had as much to do with it as anything else. "Anyway, it's been ages -- and have I ever groped you at campfire when I didn't want to have sex later?"
"...No, I s'pose not..."
She kicked ass these days at undoing his pants by feel; she worked her hand into his unzippered fly. Yessssss, halfway there! "And do I ever wanna have sex when I'm feeling shitty?"
"Yes," Joel chuckled. "Sometimes it makes you feel better."
"Pfff." She let him lift every layer of shirt she was wearing, up over her head. Remember where it all lands, Ellie... no flashlights later... and no opening drawers-- Joel would hear that in his sleep... although she supposed her would-be 'fuckfriend' wouldn't mind terribly if she showed up wearing Joel's clothes? Ha. She certainly wasn't going to dress up special for the guy. The three layers she'd been wearing since sunset would do. "I meant physically shitty, though."
He kissed her bare shoulder, making her shiver (in the good way). "Don' know that answer for sure."
"The answer is no." ...usually? She gave him a few teasing strokes through his underwear. "I know you don't, like if you're too tired..."
"I ain't too tired tonight," he breathed into her neck as his mouth made its way back up to her lips.
Thank God... "I can see that... mm..."
Ellie had felt like a fucking genius when she invented campfire groping. Monterey was wayyyyy warmer than Jackson, but winter nights were chilly enough to snuggle under a blanket, and that was the perfect cover for Ellie's 'naughtiness' (as Joel liked to call it). Usually Joel would lean back against a log with Ellie leaning back against him, tucked between his legs. This wasn't the easiest position to grope him from, but with a little wriggling around, or perhaps shifting up to his actual lap, she could manage. She tried to be discreet, but she didn't always succeed. Of course, at least half of the campfire attendees would be too stoned to notice or care anyway... and the unstoned people who do notice don't care! She still giggled at one particular memory the day after one of these campfire groping sessions... Sophie had approached her on the beach with a gleam in her eye: "Girrrrrrl, what were you DOING to Joel under that blanket last night?!"
It was just innocent, over-the-clothes groping... as for what she was really doing? Giving him the signal. 'Priming the equipment,' sure, but her theory was that Joel's... inclination to have sex on any given day was just as much mental as it was physical, if not more so. If she planted the seed of anticipation early enough, he'd be up for it (pun intended!) even if he was tired. If she didn't, it was more of a crapshoot (to borrow Joel's weird expression). Still, it wasn't foolproof; a couple times, he'd responded by giving her a squeeze and a barely-audible "not tonight, baby girl." She didn't do the grope thing every night because... well, there were some nights she felt ambivalent about sex. Like she could take it or leave it, and she was content with just seeing how things unfolded organically. And sometimes she didn't do it because they'd already had sex that day, and she didn't want to give Joel a heart attack or something (she thought he was only joking whenever he said shit like that, but he was old, so...). On those nights, she was more likely to persuade him to play Rich's guitar and sing for everyone. She loved that! So much that she could even forfeit the campfire snuggle time. They'd even done some duets.
Aaaaand sometimes she didn't do it because of her period. Yep, her aunt from Red River tended to put a damper on things (actually, her aunt seemed to have gotten lost somewhere along the way... Joel had started referring to the river itself arriving instead of some unwelcome relative). He was so sweet to her then. His reaction to the arrival of her period was always a little too happy for her liking, but then he'd be sweet. Was he thinking "OH THANK GOD WE MADE IT ANOTHER MONTH WITH NO PREGNANCY" -- even though he always pulled out, so... of COURSE we did? Or was it more like "OH THANK GOD I GET A BREAK FROM SEX FOR A FEW DAYS"... she had flat-out accused him of both, more than once, and he always denied everything she threw at him. Yes, of course they were careful enough for her not to become pregnant. No, sex with her was not a chore (...to be fair, sometimes he still got her off on those Red River days... it had to gross him out at least a little, but he never let on). Etcetera.
And this one time? She wasn't on her period... it was just a regular night of snuggling, and singing along when appropriate. Things were winding down. When they were a song or two away from the end of campfire, he'd leaned in and whispered "how come you ain't done it yet..." She'd turned to look at him, surprised and delighted by the words, and then even more so at the sexy-as-fuck look he was giving her... That was fucking AWESOME!
She couldn't help thinking that Parker didn't have any of that. It was just... show up and fuck, basically. Or, rather, show up and get high and/or drunk and then fuck. But, again, maybe she was passing judgment too soon. Who was she to decide what they had together? What they felt? Maybe they do make love rather than fuck... obviously they didn't at first, but maybe they sort of... grew into each other, that way? Maybe they touch each other lovingly... caressing, not just groping... maybe they gaze into each other's eyes and know that--
Well, no. Parker had told her that he didn't even know if Caleb loved him! It's not just about saying the words... I've ALWAYS known that Joel loves me. He just needed me to--
"Oh!" she gasped as it dawned on her. It must be different when it's two guys! Fuck -- if Joel was with another JOEL, neither of them would ever--
"That's new." Joel's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"What?"
"I usually get a 'mm' there, not a 'oh.' "
"...Oh." Ellie realized she didn't even know what Joel was referring to, only that he'd misinterpreted her exclamation. Or... was he being sarcastic? She only just now noticed she was naked... and Joel is too, I think? ...yeah, he is... She flung her arms around his neck and molded her body to his. "Well, 'oh's are better, right?"
Joel squeezed her ass and gave her a little kiss. "It's all good. As long as you're... into it."
"Of course I am!" she assured him quickly. One good thing about having almost zero light: Joel couldn't see the lie splashed across her face. It's not even a LIE, exactly, just... I was a little distracted?
"All right then." He eased her onto the bed. Eased himself on top of her.
Ellie coiled her legs around him, aligning their crotches in what he had dubbed the 'maximum teasing' position. Poor Joel... he knows my attention isn't completely on HIM or he wouldn't have made that 'into it' remark... what the fuck is wrong with me anyway? How can I think about anything else when I'm with the sexiest man in the world?! She gave him a long hard kiss before murmuring, "You know how into it I am...?" She shifted around and helped him yank the covers down beneath them.
"How into it," he asked dutifully.
She whispered in his ear like it was a secret (when really it was just an excuse to make him shiver at the touch of her lips on his earlobe). "I'm not going to sleep until I come three-- no, at least three times. And you have to come twice. Minimum. Maybe three times."
Joel chuckled. "Shit. What if I don't?"
"Then... I guess you're not sleeping either? until it happens?"
He kissed along her jawline, and back to her neck... leaning into her heavily. "So demanding..."
"You betcha," she giggled, now pleasantly squished.
Joel lifted his head and... didn't do anything.
"What?"
"Oh, nothin'. You jus' sounded like Sophie there for a second, is all."
"No I didn't! ...I did?"
"You did." He kissed her lightly.
"Fuck -- don't be thinking about other women when you're with me," she teased.
"Then... don't be soundin' like 'em," he countered.
Ellie ended that little exchange by kissing him. She deepened the kiss quickly, opening her mouth to his... tasting his tongue... What DOES he think about when it's not me? she wondered. Cuz... I was just thinking about Parker and Caleb... does he think about other things, too? ...other WOMEN? Like fucking SOPHIE?! Er... not FUCKING Sophie, I hope--
A wave of pleasure broke over that irritating thought, and she vowed to surrender to it. To all the sensations. She pulsed against Joel's dick, which was still in 'tease' position, and wriggled up a little to bring it closer to her entrance. I'm SO ready--
"Already?" Joel murmured against her lips.
"Yes!" Ellie knew he always wanted her to come first, to "get things nice and lubed up," but she was feeling impatient this time. She wedged her hand down there to help him out -- help herself out, really.
He didn't object; he'd gotten pretty good about trusting her to know what she wanted instead of always trying to decide for her. Took him long enough to get there! She'd found that he tended to respond better to physical cues, rather than verbal. Like, she could tell him she was ready, sure, but if he couldn't feel that she was wet, it was a no go. (To be fair, usually there was a direct correlation between her readiness and her wetness.) She knew he liked it when she pulled him inside her. Like this... I grab his ass... and then I squeeze it... try to match his rhythm... kiss him... how the FUCK can someone not like kissing their partner? I still don't get-- -NO, ELLIE, DON'T THINK--
She didn't have to work too hard at that. Not with Joel pumping his love into her! Even though he ultimately wouldn't come inside her, Ellie still liked to think of it that way... that he was filling her up with love. Fucking hot love. "Mmm... faster..."
"...You sure you wanna come three times?"
"Um, yeah?"
" 'Cause you ain't even come once yet, and if I--"
"Okay okay... slooowwweeerrrrr," she drawled, giggling. She thought he was being overly cautious -- he always went longer than a couple minutes, for fuck's sake! -- but he did have a point. Besides, if she really wanted to wear him out and make sure he slept soundly--
"Love you, baby girl."
Aww! She loved it when he told her out of the blue like that. "Love you too... so much..." Maybe it's not TOTALLY out of the blue, since we're making love... out of the purple, then? "Love feeling you inside me," she breathed. She still felt a little silly saying things like that, but Joel never made fun of her for it... and actually, that one really wasn't that bad. She returned the favor for him by not laughing on the rare occasions he blurted out something potentially embarrassing (it was always super sweet!).
He just made a soft grunty sound and resumed kissing her, more soft and sensual now... and fuck, Ellie still wanted to go faster. He unsmushed her enough to massage her left breast while he suckled her throat... her neck -- she fucking loved pretty much any contact his lips made there (he sometimes joked that she would eventually leave him for a vampire). "Faster -- let me just get this first one out!" she pleaded. "Or -- like that -- that's good -- I'll just--" He was still going on the slow side, but she started bucking against him so much that he could've stopped altogether and she would still get there. "Ohhh... oh! Oh fuck! Mmmyeahhhh... unhhh..." She hugged him as hard as she could, trapping his hand between them, as the orgasm rippled through her, blossoming into-- One last-- "Ohhhhhhh JOOOEELLLL!" (because he fucking loved it when she moaned his name at the end!)
He froze in place. "Shit... I knew I shoulda kissed you..."
Ellie giggled; she knew he was referring to the fact that her... well... enthusiastic verbalizations... turned him on so much that he allegedly had to fight the urge to come instantly. When he swallowed her moans with his mouth, it wasn't nearly as bad (or good?), although he found the muffled moaning or whimpering very arousing as well -- along with the amplified fervor channeled into her tongue. Then of course there was her sexy movement to contend with... yep, I know how to drive him crazy, in multiple ways! "You're fine. Just stay frozen for a minute," she advised.
He lifted himself enough that their flesh made a little squoogie noise from the sweat. "Nothin' frozen here at the moment."
"Ha! Yeah... it's hot as hell in here now..." Which is ~perfect~ for my plan, actually-- "Can we open the window?"
"...Right now?"
"No, silly, unless you can open it with me attached to you..." She tugged his face to hers and kissed him -- on his nose, his cheek, his beard, his chin--
Until he captured her lips with his. "Mm. Is that a challenge?"
"Noooooooooo..."
"I think it is."
"I mean... if you really want to... maybe it would, uh... help your cause?"
He chuckled. "Maybe." Anything that took his mind off of his arousal would be helpful. He'd told her that when he was younger, he would force himself to replay stuff from football games in his mind if he had an unwanted boner to get rid of.
Except he hadn't worded it quite like that, of course. Just once I want to hear Joel say 'boner'! And this was a little different... he wanted to sustain it, not eliminate it. A feat that must require much more finesse, Ellie imagined. Can't go too far one way or the other... and it was probably a good thing Joel was the one who had to deal with that, not her, because it was impossible for her to deny her body an orgasm it decided it was gonna have right here right now. "Ooo... you're really gonna do it, huh?" she marveled as he rolled them over. When she was on top, she immediately sat up straight. "Maybe I won't let you. Maybe I wanna have my second orgasm just like this."
"You can do that after," he suggested. But he didn't resist when she gathered his hands in hers and leaned forward, pinning them over his head. He chuckled under his breath. "Uhhh... this... this right here? Ain't helpin' my cause, as you put it."
"Fuck... I'm too damn hot!" she giggled as she bent down to kiss him.
"That you are."
Joel certainly made her feel like she was, anyway. "Anyways you can't just... walk around while I'm sitting on your dick!"
"Says who?"
"Says me!"
"Says you. Are you an expert on this?"
"On what -- dick walking? Hell yeah I am."
"Do you have one yourself?"
"What, a dick? Pfff -- I see where you're going with this."
"Answer the question, please. Do you have one or not?"
"Man, you are so not observant if you can't tell that for--"
"It's a yes or no question."
"Haha! Are you copying me from the other day? Mimicking me, I mean. Pfff -- I know you want me to have one, for some strange reason," she teased. And then in her Joel voice: " 'You shoulda been a goddamn BOY, baby GIRL...' "
He almost laughed at that! "If you would kindly just answer the--"
"No, I don't. I don't have a fucking dick. Happy now?"
"Extremely. You ain't got one, therefore, you're disqualified."
"Disqualified from what?!"
"Bein' an expert on dick-walkin'." He started to sit up himself.
Ellie only half-ass-edly tried to stop him. "Okay but it better not fall out."
He pulled her in for a little kiss, tangling a hand in her hair. "That would be... tragic. How would we ever get it back in again?"
She giggled. "I don't know! That would be so hard... ha! So hard."
"Cute. You know... it wouldn't have to be hard. We could put it in soft," he said -- without the faintest trace of laughter in his voice!
"Ohhh fuck you, you dick!" She swatted his shoulder. "You said you were gonna stop teasing me about that!"
"I said no such thing. But who's teasin'? I was... offerin' a solution to your--"
"Fuck. You," she repeated through gritted teeth, and she grabbed his neck to mock-strangle him. But then he shifted a little, and she got distracted by the electric waves he'd just shot up through her middle yet somehow also out to her toes (she didn't care what he said -- his dick was magical). Orgasm number two, coming right up! ...Except it would take a little longer for her to get there, the second time. Usually. Which only served to make it better.
Present moment aside, Ellie was still annoyed with him for letting her spew that bullshit for weeks. Weeks! Now she felt like such an idiot for ever believing that would work. And for even being worried about the pain of her first time. What the fuck was wrong with her? After all the various injuries and maladies she'd suffered, it was like... a pinprick by comparison. ...Well, no, not that... that's not very flattering to Joel... ha!
She had forgotten all about her ridiculous idea, once they'd actually had sex -- it was Joel who had fucking brought it up in bed a few days later:
"Ellie, I was thinkin'..."
"Uh-ohhhhh!"
"Maybe we oughta try out that idea you had."
"Which idea? I've got LOADS of those..."
"This... is one of the best ones you've ever had."
"What? Really?? Why haven't we done it yet?"
"I don' know. That's exactly what I was thinkin'."
"So which one?! Ocean sex? I don't remember you liking--"
"No, no. Nothin' like that."
"Shower sex."
"Nope."
"Counter sex. Chair sex. Desk sex. Table sex. Closet sex. WALL sex-- oh wait, we did that one already!"
"No to all of that. This one was BRILLIANT."
"...Brilliant? Then why don't I fucking remember!"
"You yourself said it was brilliant. You were quite pleased with yourself for dreamin' it up."
"...the fuck... Joel, are you high? I think I would remember if it's so awesome! When was this? When did I mention it?"
"It was a little while before our first time. Then all the way up UNTIL our first time. After that, you forgot all about it."
"...Dude, seriously, I have no... idea... wait a minute..."
"Is it comin' back to you?"
"Wait, why do you wanna try THAT?"
"Try what?"
"Are you soft right now? -yeah, you are... but we don't need to do that cuz it doesn't really hurt."
"...What do you mean it don't REALLY hurt? Does it hurt at all?"
"No! I mean... sometimes it's a little like... I dunno. It doesn't hurt, though, don't worry. So... you really wanna try it?"
"I'm game if you are."
"...Okay... um, would it even WORK?"
"That's what we gotta find out. Here, let's..."
"...Okay so like... you just... how would it even go IN if it's not hard? This... uh... it's so FLOPPY right now."
"Good point. I thought maybe you knew somethin' that I didn't."
"About sex? With a dick?! Why would I know more than-- hey, you're laughing! Behind that disguise you're laughing!"
"What disguise?"
"Your fucking FACE -- you're making fun of me!"
"No I ain't."
"You are! You always fucking KNEW it wouldn't work! Didn't you!"
"Ow!"
"DIDN'T YOU! ...Stop fucking laughing for a second! ...Joel, seriously, stop!"
"... I... I can't... yet... I'm sorry, it's just-- ...the look on your face..."
"I fucking hate you."
"Awww, don't be like that. All right, I'm done. See? All done laughin'."
"Why didn't you just TELL ME!"
"Tell you what?"
"Duh -- that it wouldn't work! You acted like it was a good idea!"
"It was a very good idea."
"It was a very STUPID idea!"
"No, it was... precious."
"Ugh... that's code for DUMB AS FUCK."
"Not dumb -- CUTE."
"Pfffff."
"It was cute as hell."
"You should've fucking told me right away that it was dumb! UGGHH-- you were laughing at me the whole time!"
"Not laughin' at you. En--"
"ENJOYING me. What the fuck ever. You still should've told me."
"It gave you comfort, didn't it? To believe it?"
"But it's the stupidest thing ever!"
"No, Ellie -- no. You didn' know. How could you?"
"But-- but no one else has ever thought that, right? Your other girlfriends? Your wife?"
"I... can't speak for everyone in the world, but I would say--"
"That you know of, then. Anyone you know?"
"...No. Maybe they just never told me."
"Whatever. You're gonna give me shit about this forever now, aren't you."
"Not forever. Maybe... just for the next ten years or-- hey!"
"Motherfucker! You have to forget I ever said something so stupid!"
"Oh, I'll never forget it. It's too PRECIOUS."
"Have you told anyone else? Who else knows?!"
"No one. I swear."
"...You better not be lying."
"You know I don't talk to anyone about this shit. It's... personal. Private. YOU, though... I'm surprised you didn't tell Sophie."
"I almost did! I started to ask her about it --before -- and then changed my mind. I SHOULD have told her-- she would've fucking told me it was the lamest idea ever!"
"Quit callin' it that. Besides... it DOES help..."
"What?"
"You... touchin' me... then if I rub up against you... like... this... see... like it's tryin' to go in... that feels nice, don't it?"
"Stop it -- I'm too pissed at you."
"...Do you REALLY want me to stop... because... I think... you're likin' it... hm?"
"But you're an asshole. ...Don't kiss me, either!"
"Let me make it up to you~~"
"... ...fuck... okay, only because you OWE me for this! Big time!"
Yes, the only good thing about it was that whenever Joel teased her, Ellie could pout and stuff until he felt bad enough to "make it up" to her. Which typically involved bonus orgasms!
Joel was shifting them around a bit now. "You have to help me out here. Hold on to me the normal way..."
She stopped pretending to choke him and hugged his neck instead. "Uh... you're on the wrong side of the bed. Window's over there."
"That ain't challengin' enough. This way's a few extra steps, see."
She thought she heard him strain slightly when he stood up, but he still made it seem easy. She giggled. "We should fuck like this all the time."
He moved slowly, sort of leaning into the bed to find where it ended. "Any time we walk anywhere, we go like this?"
"Yes! Wouldn't that be so fun?"
"...Maybe if this place turns into a nudist colony, we'll do that."
"I've heard of those! Do people walk around having sex all the time?!"
"No," he chuckled. "It ain't about that. All right... uh... how 'bout if I..."
He shifted her enough to free up one of his arms. Ellie started planting little kisses up his neck. What a fun little game... she nipped his flesh playfully.
He remained focused, however. "Shit... I forgot it's locked..." It was early enough yet that the solar lights on the walkway outside provided a little bit of light, once Joel drew the curtain back. "Hang on..."
"You mean literally? Yeah, kind of stuck here." She gyrated experimentally, just a little. "Ooo... that's nice..."
"Can you... not? Please? I've almost got it..."
"Oh, what's wrong? Is it too challenging if I move?" she fucking challenged him!
"...All right... do what you want, I can handle it."
"You're such a guy," Ellie giggled. "Always have to show off your mad physical skillz."
"You have a competitive streak, too, kiddo."
"Not like yours! I'd be like fuck you, bee-yotch, I'ma WORKIN' here!"
"...I don' know who you're doin' there..."
"No one. I made it up. You like that voice?"
"I was gonna say, if it's me, you usually do it better than that."
As demonstrated moments ago. "Yeah, my Joel voice is pretty fucking spot-on. 'Hi, my name is Joel, an' I'm a MACHO MAN. I can benchpress two Ellies at once!' "
"Uh... what?"
" 'Yeah. An' then I fuck 'em both! Wait -- no I don't. I ~make sweet love~ to them.' "
"Two of you? At the same time? Christ."
"You can barely handle one of me, right?" she giggled.
"Got that right."
"Your dick might fall off."
"...It very well might." He finally got the window pane to slide left, and the refreshingly cool air wafted in.
"You did it!" she congratulated him. "And it didn't fall out! Not off or out!"
Joel pivoted and slammed her back down on the bed, making her squeal as she found herself suddenly smushed again. She loved it when he was playful like this! With or without the sex, really. They just... had so much fun together.
"Fuck -- I was so busy doing my impression of you I forgot to keep moving!" she lamented.
"Oops. Too late now. But go ahead an' move all you want..."
She rolled them over so she was on top again, but this time, she didn't sit up. "I'm gonna come so hard this way," she whispered in his ear, taking care to brush her lips over his earlobe.
"Mm... me too..."
And she would, with a little help from Joel. She liked being on top, but it was hard not to be a little bit awkward with her movements. At least at first... once she really got going, her body basically just took the fuck over. But before that, Joel would encourage her to try moving in different ways. He said there was no rule dictating what the 'right' way was, so she should experiment and see what she liked best (getting him to tell her what he preferred took some doing, however). Different speeds... different angles... gyrating... whatever she wanted. In the end, when her body just did whatever it was going to do, she did tend to revert to her tried-and-true favorite motions. It was usually fucking amazing. The only times it was slightly less so (like... only amazing, versus fucking amazing?) was when Joel reached his breaking point just a liiiiiittle too soon. Like when she was in the middle of a nice rolling orgasm that lasted longer than usual.
What really sucked about that was that Ellie knew this was exactly how it was supposed to be -- two lovers climaxing together, experiencing the same (or very similar?) fantastic sensations at basically the same time -- literally coming together as one-- and yet, Joel wouldn't let it happen. Sometimes he rolled her over before he reached that 'point of no return,' in anticipation of it... he said it was easier to pull out when he was on top. Even then, Ellie made it very difficult for him sometimes, clenching her legs around him and holding him as tightly as she could. There were times he just barely made it out before exploding.
They would talk about it, afterward... Joel would pet her hair, a gesture she'd found soothing for so long now... and he'd apologize if he got the feeling he had upset her. Like when he rolled her over and she was all "no no no no!". It made him feel bad (although not bad enough to fucking not do it). He would try to explain, for the millionth time, why he had to pull out, why that position was easier, how hard it was for him to do it at all when it felt so damn good -- all that shit. "Yes, Joel, it's FINE. Really!" she would assure him.
Of course, if he would just let her give him a fucking blow job to get him off, it wouldn't be as much of an issue! He claimed that her hands felt just as good (a total lie)... but if he timed it right, he didn't need either.
Ellie had no one to compare him to, of course, but she knew Joel was a good lover (a fact that was reinforced by some of the amusing sex stories Sophie liked to share with her). He cared more about her pleasure than his own. It might take him an hour or so after that first time to get hard again, but if Ellie wanted sex more than sleep, then by God, he would stay up with her until she'd had her fill.
* * * * * *
Three orgasms later (yes, she'd had a total of four), followed by a shitload of guilt and anxiety, Ellie was on her way to Parker's. She needn't have worried about accidentally falling asleep with Joel; she would have loved nothing more, but as soon as the fun part of her plan was over, her stomach started churning itself into a knot. Joel almost closed the window when he got up to pee, but she begged him to leave it open, promising she wouldn't get too cold. Really she just needed that white noise -- the distant roar of the ocean -- to help diminish any noise she might make (and since Joel had said he found the sound soothing, it should also help him sleep better!). The window had a thick mesh screen, so she had never intended to climb through it, but even with painstakingly-slow movements, she risked waking Joel up if the room was dead silent. She knew he slept better after he came, too, so... hopefully having TWO orgasms makes him sleep EXRA good? Fortunately, they'd been in a safe environment for so long now that he did seem less inclined to wake up for things as minor as her rolling over or getting up to pee.
He did still suffer the occasional nightmare... but that was a chance she was going to have to take. Hopefully she'd be back in a few hours, and if Joel did notice her absence in the meantime -- or if she woke him when she came home? -- she could use Parker's suggestion and say she went for a 'midnight stroll' on the beach because she couldn't sleep or some shit. He would probably grumble about how she should've woken him up, but he wouldn't be seriously mad.
Oh, Joel... if you only knew how much I'd rather be curled up with you sleeping right now! She wanted it so much that part of her had actually hoped he would wake up when she was leaving, forcing her to ditch Parker for the night. Escape had taken her longer than expected; her failure to note where all her clothes had landed hadn't helped, although it wasn't that big a deal in the end. She just had to move So. Fucking. Slowly.
And then she walked briskly to Parker's room, not daring to use her flashlight in case anyone else happened to be going for a true midnight stroll. She didn't have the help of the solar lights this late at night, but the little sliver of a moon and the twinkly stars lit the way juuuuust enough. Man... this is SO different from the last time I was going to his room... I was innocent then. Totally unsuspecting.
She knocked tentatively on Parker's door. Maybe he's already gone... and then I'll go to the stables and he won't be there, either... WHOOPS, too late! Back to Joel I go--
The door swung open. "You made it," said a voice. It was Parker's, naturally, but she couldn't see him at all.
"Of course I did. I told you I had a plan."
"What'd you do -- drug Joel?"
"Uh... something like that."
"I was joking. Seriously? You--"
"I said something like that. He's sleeping really good. I thought you might be at the stables already. Am I too early? I have no idea what time it is." Surely we were making love for at least a couple hours, counting the in-between cuddling and stuff?
Parker moved away from the door... to check his glow-in-the-dark clock that Ellie totally hadn't noticed when she'd been here during daylight hours. "It's like 10:45. Close enough, we can go," he decided.
Good, because if we have to wait even just fifteen fucking minutes... The thought was intolerable, as Ellie was antsy and impatient as fuck. I just wanna get this over with! She wanted to go and check things out and realize it was all no big deal -- that she was silly to have fretted over the need to do something to put an end to it, because they were all very nice gentlemen who perhaps got a little lonely at times, but were totally loving and respectful and all that shit. There would be a perfectly good explanation for why it was kept on the down-low. It was all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns ~ all parties involved were happy as fuck with everything. And Caleb certainly wasn't a scummy douchebag just using Parker for sex -- nope! They're in love, just like any other--
Fuuuuck -- who am I kidding?! -- it's not working. She managed not to choke on the bullshit she was feeding herself... but it settled very heavily in the pit of her stomach, indigestible as a rock.
~Continue to Chapter 7~