I Have A Built-In Frown & Mean Eyes

[lucretiasheart]

All my life I've been mystified as to why people can be so scared and/or mean to me. I'm a sensitive, warm person in general. Forthright, but hardly a bitch. Yet I'm treated like one

Comments

mean eyes

[anonymous]

For whatever it's worth, you look rather vulnerable to me judging by your photo. I don't see the bitch you describe. Just a guarded and attractive young lady. That's my 2¢ worth.

Re: mean eyes

[lucretiasheart]

Thanks-- but my photos are very carefully chosen and screened. This is me in my 20s dressed up and posing... regular me is not so cute. But-- ah well.

[odyssey_of_life]

I just had a thought -- when you were growing up would you find yourself punished if you looked happy? Like maybe your dad would find reason to *make* you unhappy if you looked happy? So a strictly ingrained muscle tone of a flatter mood would then be a very sensible defense mechanism.

With you I think I kindof read your mood "between the lines", like read it with my heart rather than your face sometimes unless you're overtly laughing or something :) Or by the felt intention of your words. Most of us aren't automatically reading with our hearts with new people, so superficial judgments would happen...

[lucretiasheart]

The answer to your first question is YES, actually. I WAS punished by him for looking happy. Flat affect was required at all times. I wasn't allowed to show ANY emotions. Even "good" ones were not okay. He was the only one allowed to emote.

Your second paragraph underscores my dilemma... I look a little bitchy to most people. I've learned to be upbeat with new people and lighten my vocal tone and that helps a lot I've noticed. Like they're super relieved I'm not as mean as I look!

[odyssey_of_life]

Makes all the sense! <3

Yeah, it's a normal social requirement to amplify lightness and be upbeat with new people -- at best I see it as a prosocial gift to show that you MEAN well. I think it says, "I may look or even feel unhappy, but I care about YOU - being comfortable with me." We're instinctively wary of new people. (A problem with 3's is they might neglect to let that persona down once you're comfy with each other!)

[hazelwindows]

I feel for you, and I do relate to not liking perceived flaws or discrepancies between appearance and inner self. That probably just gets worse as we get old, I imagine. However, it is a kind of a funny entry. You say here you look like a villain! I wish there were pics posted to try and make this point! lol It seems likely that what you see in the mirror is not quite what others see. Maybe they do see some reserve or formidability, but a miserably bitchy villain is hard to associate with the pics you have posted. Grins!

[lucretiasheart]

Like I said above (over a month ago--ack! I didn't see your comment here for some reason...) there are very few photos of myself that I like, and I rarely take photos. I cover mirrors or angle them so I don't have to see myself. It breaks me out of my self-image to see how I really look.

[hazelwindows]

Wow. I thought you were just talking about unflattering shots taken in pics. I would never have guessed you don't like looking in the mirror. I understand how looking in a mirror can break you out of the internal image of how you really look.

Remember how I told you the character 'Rose the Hat' from the movie Dr. Sleep reminded me of you? Her pics don't really show the quality as much as the way she talks and moves, like she has a background in witch dance lol, but here is a pic just in case it conveys some of the vibe:

[lucretiasheart]

Just NOW saw this comment (LJ doesn't always send me notifications...) and I love the hat! I have a top hat like this, actually.

I look bitchier than this woman in my never humble opinion. But now I want to check out Dr. Sleep because I am intrigued!