My heart is pierced by cupid; I disdain all glittering gold

[noprevaricating]

Who: tothelibrary and noprevaricating.
What: Stretching Dawn's legs after her mallynap.
When: July 11, early morning, before it gets hot.
Where: The forest path, not far from town.
Summary: Archie wants to make sure Dawn has lots of sensory experiences after being kept in a cell for a few weeks. And by "sensory experiences," we mean "intentions here are totally chaste

Comments

[tothelibrary]

Being a morning person has never been among Dawn's skills. Translating ancient texts, yes. Exorcisms, yes. Buying too many shoes, very yes. But being up and alert and moving around before ten thirty or so? No.

But Archie is the one asking her, so she agrees with a minimum amount of grumbling, leaves a note on the fridge and heads out. She's quiet for the first bit of the walk, yawning every so often and just trusting Archie to lead the way. But between movement and fresh air she starts to perk up, and with one last yawn she slides an arm around Archie's waist, shaking her head.

"Okay, I have to admit it. I'm still not a morning person but you were completely and totally right, this is beautiful."

[tothelibrary]

"That works too." The words are thick through a mouth of strawberry. "Wow, those are good. But, just so you know, that was an open invitation for more kissing."

[noprevaricating]

Yes, but now her lips are all sweet from the strawberry. He leans in for a taste.

[tothelibrary]

Strawberry kisses are possibly better than the normal ones. There should be testing done. Extensive testing.

"It's so nice out here." Impulsively Dawn kisses the corner of Archie's mouth, then leans back to look up at the sky. "Especially after the whole enforced inside time thing. The Malnosso should really look into adding windows to their creepy science experiment rooms."

She tosses it off like a joke, but that's the first mention she's made of her captivity being upsetting at all.

[noprevaricating]

A pang as she mentions it. He brushes back her hair and kisses her forehead comfortingly, then moves to wrap his arms around her, holding her to his chest, saying nothing. He'll let her speak, if she wants to. If she would rather not, he will not make her.

[tothelibrary]

"I don't-- I'm okay, though, you know?" The first hint of anxiety creeps into her voice, there, and Dawn sighs. "Really, it's not like I'm freaking out. I just-- after Glory, the whole kidnapping and experiment thing is not a favorite."

[noprevaricating]

"What did Glory do?" It's a gentle question.

[tothelibrary]

"She wanted to go home. Back to whatever gross hell dimension she was from, anyway." Dawn worries at the hem of her shirt, tugging and rearranging and just trying to keep her hands occupied. "Key blood was the only way to do it. So, you know. I got kidnapped. Again."

If she approaches it like it's not still terrifying, maybe it won't be terrifying.

[noprevaricating]

His fingers tangle in her hair. Thinking about someone cutting up his Dawn makes him queasy. So he holds her, pretending he can take the blows for her as long as he is close enough.

[tothelibrary]

Dawn just lays there for a while, letting Archie hold her. Then, staring hard at the sky until her eyes water, she swallows hard. "Don't tell Buffy because she'll get weid, but I might be a little more freaked by the whole snatching thing than I told her. There was this thing back home, called the Initiative? They liked to capture non-humans and like, experiment on them. They did it to Spike. Anyway, after I found out what I was, I used to have nightmares they had like... done a Key-test and figured it out, and they took me." She breaks off, inhaling a little too fast and then trying to relax. "I'm okay and everything, it's just-- you know. Old scary stuff doesn't get that much less scary, sometimes."

[noprevaricating]

"No. It doesn't." He presses his cheek against her hair. "Do you remember when I grew melancholy, after Jack died?"

[tothelibrary]

Talking about things she usually just locks in a mental drawer and ignores isn't easy for Dawn, but honesty is another one of those things she's fairly certain grownup relationships are supposed to have. She nods at Archie's question. "Mmm-hmm."

[noprevaricating]

He hesitates. He's talking about this for two reasons. First of all, because maybe it'll make Dawn feel less lonely in this. Second of all, because he himself acknowledged to Jilly that Dawn should know more about him, even the bad things.

"It happens every year round that time, just from remembering something that happened when I was a mid. I thought it was getting better, but this year was the hardest of all. I think...I think these things lie in wait, sometimes, until something happens to recall them. Maybe it has nothing to do with strength, or time."

Jilly is one of the strongest people he's ever known, and if she's still troubled by the past... This is a fairly new concept, for him.

[tothelibrary]

"Like little mind traps of sadness." Dawn is quiet for a while, then she sighs. "They-- back home, there's this thing called PTSD? Post traumatic stress disorder. Where when something really, really awful happens your brain just... freaks out, and keeps bringing it up in weird places. A lot of soldiers get it." Or people who were abused, but Dawn still doesn't know how to say that right. "Like, panic attacks and stuff? Or nightmares, or just freaking out." Not the most textbook of definitions, but she's had the words rattling around for a while now. "I don't have it, I don't think, but just-- sometimes, when things remind me of stuff? I get weird."

She leaves that one open, trailing off.

[noprevaricating]

"I don't think it needs to have a name. It simply is. What you do or do not call it does not change it, or whether or not you should...'get weird' when you're reminded of things that happen." He feels like the last person who should be talking about this, so he speaks quietly and hesitantly, but his voice is steady.

[tothelibrary]

"It's normal. Brains are like... little tiny cities, I guess. If one part starts acting weird, everything gets affected." She taps her fingers against her thigh, a nervous tattoo. "I get a little sick when I see guns. Not-- I mean, I can deal. But I think about Tara."