Silly internet writing contest + Aliens
Grlkjsfxnaf snickered into its mandibles. “Oh check this one out. It’s the best yet. ‘Immanentize the Eschaton!’. They’ll never be able to do anything with that!”
“Don’t you need to sign up for this thing to submit topics?”
“Psh, whatever. We can just use special brain weevils to manipulate the competitors into thinking these are their own ideas. It’s even more fun that way.
Yu’n’rtul shrugged her many shoulders and rolled five of her eyes. “If you say so. I think I’d rather be probing something. This all sounds kind of dubious for fun, but I’ll play along. Let’s see… how about, um, ‘Que l'enfer, c'est seulement Canada’?”
“What the hell is that? How did you even make those sounds?”
“Implants.”
“Sure, ok, that seems wacky. We just need a couple more - spread it out, keep it diverse across the populace. Ooh! I know! ‘Sofa square’!”
“Is that even a thing?”
“I don’t think so. That’s what makes it so fiendishly delicious.”
“Let’s get a list together of at least twenty of these things and send the weevils to do their work.”
“Yes, yesssss! This is going to be great!”
###
Twenty-some weeks later:
“Grlkjsfxnaf, what’s the matter? Are you… are you weeping?”
“No, that’s just normal secretions. Though I am feeling pretty low right now.”
“What’s up?”
“The topics we sent in… they… they… they didn’t provide any amusement at all.”
“None?!”
“The contestants just kept writing for the accursed things, and producing things even I would want to read! It’s ridiculous! They’re like some kind of writing machines down there.”
“Well, I told you this was a dubious plan for amusement. We should have just stuck to the probes.”
“I think we should go bother some other planet for a while. There are bears on the moon, aren’t there? That seems ripe for a good time.”
“I think it depends which moon you mean, but yes. We can leave. Do you want to collect the weevils before we go?”
“No, it’s not worth it. Hopefully they’ll spawn and whole new civilizations will grow from our efforts.” Grlkjsfxnaf cackled, but it was half-hearted. Or would have been, if Grlkjsfxnaf had any organs analogous to a heart.
“Well, with the weevils installed, those writers will never cease to be strange, at least. Perhaps we should come back in a few generations…”
“Long term thinking. I like it! Let’s let the weevils do their work.”
Meanwhile, back on Earth, the weevils smiled as only inspirational alien mind-control story weevils can. The fun was only just beginning.
~~~
Thank you for your visit to The Story Machine! I hope your visit was satisfying! Feel free to try another set of options. Beep! Boop!
“Don’t you need to sign up for this thing to submit topics?”
“Psh, whatever. We can just use special brain weevils to manipulate the competitors into thinking these are their own ideas. It’s even more fun that way.
Yu’n’rtul shrugged her many shoulders and rolled five of her eyes. “If you say so. I think I’d rather be probing something. This all sounds kind of dubious for fun, but I’ll play along. Let’s see… how about, um, ‘Que l'enfer, c'est seulement Canada’?”
“What the hell is that? How did you even make those sounds?”
“Implants.”
“Sure, ok, that seems wacky. We just need a couple more - spread it out, keep it diverse across the populace. Ooh! I know! ‘Sofa square’!”
“Is that even a thing?”
“I don’t think so. That’s what makes it so fiendishly delicious.”
“Let’s get a list together of at least twenty of these things and send the weevils to do their work.”
“Yes, yesssss! This is going to be great!”
###
Twenty-some weeks later:
“Grlkjsfxnaf, what’s the matter? Are you… are you weeping?”
“No, that’s just normal secretions. Though I am feeling pretty low right now.”
“What’s up?”
“The topics we sent in… they… they… they didn’t provide any amusement at all.”
“None?!”
“The contestants just kept writing for the accursed things, and producing things even I would want to read! It’s ridiculous! They’re like some kind of writing machines down there.”
“Well, I told you this was a dubious plan for amusement. We should have just stuck to the probes.”
“I think we should go bother some other planet for a while. There are bears on the moon, aren’t there? That seems ripe for a good time.”
“I think it depends which moon you mean, but yes. We can leave. Do you want to collect the weevils before we go?”
“No, it’s not worth it. Hopefully they’ll spawn and whole new civilizations will grow from our efforts.” Grlkjsfxnaf cackled, but it was half-hearted. Or would have been, if Grlkjsfxnaf had any organs analogous to a heart.
“Well, with the weevils installed, those writers will never cease to be strange, at least. Perhaps we should come back in a few generations…”
“Long term thinking. I like it! Let’s let the weevils do their work.”
Meanwhile, back on Earth, the weevils smiled as only inspirational alien mind-control story weevils can. The fun was only just beginning.
~~~
Thank you for your visit to The Story Machine! I hope your visit was satisfying! Feel free to try another set of options. Beep! Boop!