Talking about systemic harassment
I am breaking my own rules today by posting about this. WIBBOW -- Would I be better off writing? Possibly. Plus, this is controversial, and I tend to shy away from that, particularly in my writing blog.
This just feels too big. I want to add my voice, my support. And I want to move the conversation forward, because it's been happening for far, far too long.
But I am too busy to do much beyond post this. So the only place where people will be able to comment will be on here, on my live journal, and all comments will be screened before being approved.
Fair warning: If I detect even a hint of blaming the victim, or questioning her right to pursue this, I won't let your comment go through. My patience with this, after having read some of the comments on other blogs, is spiderweb thin.
Of course, I'm talking about Elise Matthesen, on how to report sexual harassment at a convention.
I have known both Elise and Jim Frenkel, her harasser, for more than a decade.
I only had one incident with Jim.
It was back in 2000, I think. It was at WisCon. He found me, alone, in the Green Room, and started "complimenting" me. I don't recall the details. I do remember thinking at the time, "Dude. I'm married. You're married. This is inappropriate."
One of the reasons why I remember this incident so vividly is because I felt trapped. He stood between me and the door. I couldn't get out. I remember feeling an overwhelming urge to flee. I also remember telling myself not to be silly -- he wasn't going to physically hurt me. But he really creeped me out.
I didn't feel as though I could say anything about it. Ever. Jim held a position in power regarding my career. He tried to buy my first novel. He couldn't get the okay from the sales team, however.
More than once, I've wondered just how big a bullet I dodged at the time.
This kind of systemic harassment has been going on for as long as I've been going to cons. Probably longer.
And it needs to stop.
Some additional history.
Back in the late 70s, I was part of Children's Theatre Company (CTC) of Minneapolis.
John Clark Donahue was the creative director at the time.
Everyone knew about John. The kids warned the other kids. I remember being in the laundry room of CTC, sitting on the dryer, when I got The Talk. Mind you, I'm female, the wrong gender for John, but I was still told, because I needed to be aware of the situation.
Things kids told each other:
--Don't take a shower late at night, after a performance, alone, by yourself. Make sure someone else will wait with you.
--If John invites you to a party at his place, make sure you know who else will be there, that it isn't some "private" event. If you don't know anyone who's going, invite someone.
And so on.
We all knew about it. We told every kid who came in. If they didn't listen, there wasn't anything we could do for them. (John wasn't forceful, just persistent. And he held complete power at the theatre.)
When I was in my 20s, the suit against John occurred.
I remember vividly being stopped in my tracks the first time someone labeled John's behavior as what it was: Child Abuse.
We'd never used that term about it, before. It was just what happened. You took care of yourself, warned the others. It was so much a part of the system, it never would have occurred to me that it was abuse. Yes, the adults knew about it. But remember, this was the mid-70s, a completely different time than now.
This type of systemic harassment has been happening at cons for decades.
Oh, that's just him.
He doesn't mean anything by it.
You're being overly sensitive.
Don't say anything or you'll be labeled as a trouble maker.
No. It's harassment. It's systemic. And it needs to stop.
How?
If you see something, say something.
I haven't gone to a lot of cons recently. Hopefully, starting next year, that will change.
If you're a creeper, and you try to creep on me, I'm going to call you out on it. Screw nice. Screw compliance. Screw shocking your delicate sensibilities. You're an adult. Grow the fuck up, realize that there are other people in the world, and you need to respect them and their space.
If someone comes to you with a story of harassment, listen. Don't judge. Don't take the power out of the reporter's hands. Let them decide what to do next. Be there to help them feel safe. Support them in their decision.
And now -- back to writing.
#sffragette
This just feels too big. I want to add my voice, my support. And I want to move the conversation forward, because it's been happening for far, far too long.
But I am too busy to do much beyond post this. So the only place where people will be able to comment will be on here, on my live journal, and all comments will be screened before being approved.
Fair warning: If I detect even a hint of blaming the victim, or questioning her right to pursue this, I won't let your comment go through. My patience with this, after having read some of the comments on other blogs, is spiderweb thin.
Of course, I'm talking about Elise Matthesen, on how to report sexual harassment at a convention.
I have known both Elise and Jim Frenkel, her harasser, for more than a decade.
I only had one incident with Jim.
It was back in 2000, I think. It was at WisCon. He found me, alone, in the Green Room, and started "complimenting" me. I don't recall the details. I do remember thinking at the time, "Dude. I'm married. You're married. This is inappropriate."
One of the reasons why I remember this incident so vividly is because I felt trapped. He stood between me and the door. I couldn't get out. I remember feeling an overwhelming urge to flee. I also remember telling myself not to be silly -- he wasn't going to physically hurt me. But he really creeped me out.
I didn't feel as though I could say anything about it. Ever. Jim held a position in power regarding my career. He tried to buy my first novel. He couldn't get the okay from the sales team, however.
More than once, I've wondered just how big a bullet I dodged at the time.
This kind of systemic harassment has been going on for as long as I've been going to cons. Probably longer.
And it needs to stop.
Some additional history.
Back in the late 70s, I was part of Children's Theatre Company (CTC) of Minneapolis.
John Clark Donahue was the creative director at the time.
Everyone knew about John. The kids warned the other kids. I remember being in the laundry room of CTC, sitting on the dryer, when I got The Talk. Mind you, I'm female, the wrong gender for John, but I was still told, because I needed to be aware of the situation.
Things kids told each other:
--Don't take a shower late at night, after a performance, alone, by yourself. Make sure someone else will wait with you.
--If John invites you to a party at his place, make sure you know who else will be there, that it isn't some "private" event. If you don't know anyone who's going, invite someone.
And so on.
We all knew about it. We told every kid who came in. If they didn't listen, there wasn't anything we could do for them. (John wasn't forceful, just persistent. And he held complete power at the theatre.)
When I was in my 20s, the suit against John occurred.
I remember vividly being stopped in my tracks the first time someone labeled John's behavior as what it was: Child Abuse.
We'd never used that term about it, before. It was just what happened. You took care of yourself, warned the others. It was so much a part of the system, it never would have occurred to me that it was abuse. Yes, the adults knew about it. But remember, this was the mid-70s, a completely different time than now.
This type of systemic harassment has been happening at cons for decades.
Oh, that's just him.
He doesn't mean anything by it.
You're being overly sensitive.
Don't say anything or you'll be labeled as a trouble maker.
No. It's harassment. It's systemic. And it needs to stop.
How?
If you see something, say something.
I haven't gone to a lot of cons recently. Hopefully, starting next year, that will change.
If you're a creeper, and you try to creep on me, I'm going to call you out on it. Screw nice. Screw compliance. Screw shocking your delicate sensibilities. You're an adult. Grow the fuck up, realize that there are other people in the world, and you need to respect them and their space.
If someone comes to you with a story of harassment, listen. Don't judge. Don't take the power out of the reporter's hands. Let them decide what to do next. Be there to help them feel safe. Support them in their decision.
And now -- back to writing.
#sffragette