FIC: The Man Who Wasn't There

[lovelylytton]

Title: The Man Who Wasn’t There
Characters: Ami, Jadeite, some Makoto/Motoki in the background. Yes, really. Don’t even ask.
A/N: This is something I wrote today because I didn’t know the poem until I read it over at sm_monthly , and because it makes me all tingly and happy in the way good poetry does. So here, have some random poetry-based horror fic.

Comments

[sea_thoughts]

Oooh, interesting. Very interesting. :) I like how you leave it ambiguous whether Jadeite is actually haunting Ami or whether he's just something her mind creates in order to show her what happens when you let your duty consume you.

As for Rei and Minako, I suspect it's jealousy disguised as righteous indignation. :/

[lovelylytton]

You are partly right with regards to Minako and Rei, they certainly are jealous, but what also plays a big part in their anger is how dedicated to their duty they are. I think there is this beautifully drawn scene in the manga where they stand on the roof and say something like how duty is enough for them and how they are content without men. I think it's set during the Stars arc, but I'm not 100% sure.

Anyway.
Thank you very, very much for your comment, I'm delighted you found this interesting. Personally, I am always super excited when I see an sm_monthly prompt that I can't resist and this one certainly fell into this category.

[charliechaplin2]

Oh my! I know I said I'd comment on Tyger Tyger and I will as soon as I can because it is awesome and made me laugh and love it and it was brilliant and wickedly good and so much fun, but it's been a day full of crazy and I promise I'll comment on both of these asap because this one! WOW! Just wow!!!!!!! I'm so glad you chose Jadeite, it works so brilliantly.

And I was terrified, but not because you just know he won't hurt her... but still... terrified. Don't even get me started on the characterisation of the girls... It's spot on.

Will comment properly soon.

[lovelylytton]

Thank you, dear Charlie! I am glad that you were terrified and gladder that you knew he wouldn't hurt her, that is a really important aspect of ghost!Jadeite. I tried it with Zoisite first, but I wanted it work without romantic subtext between the haunted and the ghost, and Jadeite can be just as sinister as Zoi, so that worked out well, I think. :)

[mrcrybrilliance]

OMG

Wow

The emotion in this. The pain. It went past tears to that point where you're just stunned in pain and cannot manage to cry.

Brava

[lovelylytton]

Thank you!

I like to thing of Ami as the genuinely nicest among the girls, perhaps even the most selfless in the sense that as long as everyone is happy, she won't mind if they all do different things. Rei and Minako, duty-driven as they are, tick a bit differently.

[mrcrybrilliance]

*nods* And you do it very well. Though I'd argue that Ami needs everyone to be healthy, even more so than happy.

[lovelylytton]

Very good point about her putting health even above happiness, I hadn't thought of it this way, but yes, absolutely.

[elianthos]

I'm just glad I wasn't reading this at night XD.
I like the way you keep the ambiguity both about Jadeite's being good or bad, and about him existing at all outside of Ami's mind.

[lovelylytton]

And I'm just glad I didn't write it a night, I wouldn't have been able to sleep very well. :D
Thank you for commenting, dear Eli!

[apsaraqueen]

he often hides behind their cool facade, ready to move into the picture just as she combs her hair

O_O

AHHHHH JADE YOU CREEPY LITTLE CREEPER!!!

Ami looks at Makoto’s face in the picture sitting on her stomach. Sometimes, she doesn’t understand it either.

this line is the killer! i love this so much. so unbelievably creepy, and so believably sad - i can totally see it all going down like this, because the characterization of all the girls is so damn good!

[lovelylytton]

He is a creepy little creeper and he's even a bit more creepy because he enjoys the creepiness so much. It's sort of what sustains him, Ami's fear and his own dark joy.

I'm really glad you liked the characterisation, thank you so much for your kind comment!