can I just vote yes without writing a critique? I'm not feeling up to it today and I have a busy couple of coming days but I'd still like this writer to stay.
It's not my preferred genre (I wasn't a fan of Pan's Labyrinth) but you write well. The first piece didn't read so much like a story as an encyclopaedia entry, and while eloquently worded, it didn't engage me. The second piece worked much better, because the creature served as a metaphor for a state of mind, and so it was better art through you telling us something about our world rather than your own. That is to say, because you were putting the creature in a wider context, it mirrored certain things one can relate to, and so was more interesting.
What I'm saying is that I hope that your writing is more like the second piece. Fantasy writing can get a bit internal, when you have to explain the rules of this world you've made up - things like Harry Potter work because they slot so enticingly into our own world.
We need critiques like this. It's very detailed and well done. Your work on the shadow was a well-done example of creatively-fused essay writing. I feel it's something you'd honest-to-goodness preset at a meeting on 'what happens when you die'.
I'm quite anti-present tense to the point that I may be overly critical if I read it. Based on your critique and shadow-response, however, I really hope you get to stay.
Your critiquing skills are strong and detailed while your writing is excellent. There's not much point rehashing what has already been said except to say that I think you would do wonderfully in this community!
elly
(edited because my English fell off the face of the planet lol)
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What I'm saying is that I hope that your writing is more like the second piece. Fantasy writing can get a bit internal, when you have to explain the rules of this world you've made up - things like Harry Potter work because they slot so enticingly into our own world.
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I'm quite anti-present tense to the point that I may be overly critical if I read it. Based on your critique and shadow-response, however, I really hope you get to stay.
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Great critique; I'll definitely go back and make some adjustments. More to the point, lotsa details, etc.
Your writing- love it. Very nice.
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elly
(edited because my English fell off the face of the planet lol)
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