r o s e d u s t, chp 1
<<0 · c h a p t e r 1 ·
There were moments in life that seemed too surreal to be believed, even if you saw it with your own eyes.
Key remembered all of it. He didn’t know why.
He remembered the moment he and his fellow Shinee members got the news. It was that very night, where it had rained so hard that you could almost breathe in the vapour into your lungs, choke and then breathe it out again.
That night when it happened. That night when everything changed.
It was a blur to Key, a blur that even now made him dizzy whenever he thought about it.
He wasn’t at home that day, he had a radio interview to do, and that was why he was the last to know. He remembered a phone call with Jonghyun’s voice… no, Onew’s voice. No… he couldn’t remember whose voice it was, but he was told there had been a serious accident involving Minho and Hara.
The phone dropped from his hand.
The world plunged into a pit of darkness where his head hurt even trying to think clearly, to get his thoughts together, but it was impossible. He remembered being warned to stay calm and that the manger would come get him, and he remembered he didn't listen. He remembered he rushed out and caught a cab immediately the hospital. He remembered running inside, everything spinning out of control.
He remembered Nicole was there, having also disobeyed her manager and arrived first. He remembered the flashing cameras that were in his way, the ones he ignored. He remembered Nicole was crying so hard, her body shaking uncontrollably when he held her in his arms, unable to speak or even stand.
The rest of the members of Kara and Shinee were all ripped out of their scheduled filmings, rushed to the hospital where they were all given the news of what had happened. The media had already covered the news, Korea and the whole world coming to a standstill.
Minho was dead.
Key collapsed against the wall, barely able to breathe as the manager explained the details to him and the others, who also seemed too shocked to listen.
That night, Hara and Minho were involved in a horrific accident.
They had been dating for a long time, but the public never knew about it at all. They were careful and the other members protected them well, and they spent every spare moment they had together.
Soon, Minho became serious about the relationship and eventually summoned enough courage and proposed to Hara. It was both so unexpected and expected at the same time, since neither of them could hide their feelings on-screen, leading to many tabloid scandals that weren’t that far from the truth.
They decided on the irrational move of officially revealing their engagement to the press.
They were going to… when the accident happened.
Hara was driving and swerved the car when the bright headlights of an incoming truck blinded her, the slippery road forcing her to slam on the brakes in a vain attempt to halt the car, only for it abruptly make the wrong turn and smash Minho’s side into the ledge, killing him instantly before the car flipped over the railing, into the Han River.
Or so the coroner had told the reporters.
The media not informed on the relationship, stories were coming up everywhere as to exactly why Hara and Minho were driving together in the first place. Hara was injured badly, so badly that she was hospitalized for who even remembers how long. Where she was fished out barely alive from the sunken wreckage of Minho’s car, still conscious, having been trapped inside the car with Minho’s body as water slowly seeped in. The trauma was enough to scar her forever.
She was in the hospital for a long time in an induced coma while the world moved on without her.
The plans on whether or not Shinee and Kara were to both disband were left up in the air to allow the fans and public to mourn Minho for a while. The members were locked up inside their dorms, just lingering around in silence and grief, both groups who used to be close friends in the industry drifted apart due to the tragedy with a fair amount of hostility between them.
They attended Minho’s funeral together without as much as a glance at the other except Key and Nicole, who could never be driven apart despite the harsh reality of Hara’s actions that night. Even so, the funeral was the last place Key spoke with Nicole, and after that the two idol groups isolated themselves from each other.
It wasn’t until a few months later that Hara finally showed signs of improvement and the doctors decided to rouse her from her sleep. The media was kept at bay on this news, fearing an outbreak of emotion from the public that would be too overwhelming to control.
Key’s phone rang with the ringtone he used for Nicole for the first time in what seemed forever. He picked up and remembered hearing that voice he thought he forgotten, softer than usual, perhaps from crying so much, and she asked him to meet her at the hospital.
Honestly, Key felt nothing at the news, not anger nor relief, but he complied nonetheless because of Nicole.
He came late and she was waiting outside Hara’s room, too afraid to go in by herself. She looked up and beamed when she saw him approach, running and throwing her arms around Key’s neck in a tight, much-needed hug. Her smile was weary and her cheeks had hollowed out from the stress, even her body felt thinner in his embrace, so different from the girl he held just a few months earlier, but he didn’t care at that moment.
The scent of her hair and her skin was the same, her warmth was the same. It was his Nicole, whom he missed so much.
After a moment, Nicole interlocked her hand in Key’s, and with a brave face she led him to Hara’s room. She pushed open the door quietly and peered inside before she opened it wide enough for the both of them to go in, and Key saw Hara lying on the bed.
She was unbelievably pale and pasty with dark circles under her eyes, having gone thinner than ever before. Her hair was matted and like wires, the red colour of her hair dye having grown out a great length. Her lips were chapped and chanting something, Key didn’t know what, but that was an indication that she was no longer unconscious. If she wasn’t, he would’ve thought her to be dead.
And he felt no sympathy, even from seeing such a pitiful, pathetic person in front of him.
Key felt Nicole’s fingers leave him as she went over to sit at Hara’s bedside, clasping the small, dead-looking hand into her own, muttering some words of comfort even though Hara probably couldn’t hear her. Key stood at a distance and watched with cold eyes, crossing his arms as he felt a hot sensation scrape the inside of his chest.
Hara was still beautiful, always so beautiful. Even like this… she didn’t have a single scar on her face from the accident, where she killed Minho.
Where she killed his bandmate.
Key had never particularly been close to Hara. He felt she was like a rose, beautiful and delicate, but her ice-cold beauty was like the thorns that kept him away. He didn’t hate her when Minho dated her or when she was just a bandmate of his girlfriend, but he never found himself wanting to become close to her. She was just someone else who came in and out of his life.
He never imagined things to end up this way. He never imagined that he’d question himself if this new feeling he had for the girl was hate or anger or repulse.
A part of him scolded himself for such emotions when she was barely alive, but that was a reason that fuelled the fire. Why was she alive when it was her fault Minho was dead? Why was she alive when she was driving the car and crashed it into the river?
Why was she alive when she killed Minho? That was the question he wanted to ask.
Key moved closer and sat down next to Nicole, placing a hand around her shoulder as the girl started crying very softly, over the member and friend she almost lost the same way he lost Minho.
Not now. He wouldn’t ask that question now.
Nicole leaned onto him for a little while and watched Hara’s slightest movements, restless as they were, they gave Nicole comfort that her friend was coming back to her. Key watched Nicole more than Hara, at her facial expressions, and they were the only thing that softened his heart enough to be able to hold in his feelings, seeing her so peaceful after so many traumatic months worrying about Hara and if she would wake… she was feeling the same pain he was over his friend.
After what seemed like hours, Nicole let out a hoarse cough at her throat closing up. Even at such a time, not talking or making a sound was not something Nicole was used to. Key nudged her gently with his head.
“Do you want me to get you a drink?” he whispered. Nicole cleared her throat and shook her head.
“I should go wash my face,” she said groggily, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. “I’m so tired.”
Nicole slipped her hand gently out of Hara’s and she stood up from the chair, even more tired than she was before coming into the room. Key told her to go for a little walk to refresh her mind and get some coffee since she told him she wanted to stay with Hara until she woke up. Nicole, too tired to argue, agreed to his idea and said she would be right back. Key remained seated to reassure her he would still be here for her when she came back, but as soon as she snapped the door shut, the atmosphere changed.
It was empty again.
Key sighed to himself as he tried to sit still, staring at Hara lying in the bed, but he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with those thoughts he had blocked out for Nicole’s sake come seeping back into his mind.
He had to get out before these thoughts got out of control.
He reached down and nonchalantly pulled up Hara’s blanket, not out of care but out of habit like he would for his own members. He stared for another moment at her beautiful face with stony emotionless eyes, the memories of why she was here tainting his sympathy for her.
He stood up from the chair and naturally shifted his gaze away from the patient to the door as he turned to leave, to go look for Nicole, when he felt long fingers wrap around his right wrist, holding him back.
Key looked down at Hara, but she hadn’t woken yet even though her hand was tight around his wrist that he couldn’t shake her off.
“Yah…” he muttered, trying to tug his hand away. “Yah, let go of me.”
Frustration overtook his emotions when Hara’s hand didn’t budge even when he pulled more violently. He clenched his teeth.
“Let go of me!” he exclaimed, his eyes flashing.
Key wasn’t one to pretend, and he didn’t bother pretending this time. He tried to pry off Hara’s fingers, and when even that didn’t work, he pinched the soft white skin on the back of her hand. He pinched hard, digging his nails into her flesh that it almost drew blood. He didn’t care that he was hurting her, he just wanted to get her hand away from him. Hara’s fingers twitched and she let out a soft, pained moan as Key’s fingernails sunk in deeper, but still she didn’t release her grip.
“Minho…” she murmured.
Key froze, feeling a stab through his heart at the sound of his member’s name.
“Minho…”
He couldn’t breathe, dizzy and disorientated, tears forming in his eyes that made everything blurry.
“Minho yah…”
Key slowly moved his hand away from Hara, leaving behind deep nail marks in her once flawless skin. Guilt plunged into his stomach at what he had done, what he had been thinking, what he had wanted to do, how he hated her for the fact that she took away a person in his life… without even bothering to remember that Minho was very much part of her life as well.
“Minho yah…” Hara moaned again.
Key let out a shaken sob and sank back into his chair, his wrist still clutched in Hara’s hand.
What was she dreaming of? How, even in her condition, could she still call out his name like that?
Key cursed his emotional heart for beating so painfully as he watched Hara’s expressions, trapped in a nightmare and muttering the name of the one she loved, not even realizing he would never call back ever again.
He didn’t know how long he sat there for, until his shoulders ached and his eyelids became heavy, but he didn’t once try to pull his hand away, hearing a whimper from Hara’s lips that stabbed into his gut. So, he sat there, becoming more and more tired and weary, but holding it in as Hara became less restless and more peaceful.
He hated her so much for everything she had done, but every time she muttered Minho’s name, Key didn’t know what came over him... he just couldn’t stand the idea of hurting her again.
It felt like hours passed when Nicole finally came back, finding Key almost asleep sitting up, his head leaned over on his right shoulder with Hara still holding his wrist. Nicole smiled sadly at the scene and quietly walked over. She placed warm hands on Key’s shoulder blades and planted a kiss on the crook of his neck, whispering softly in his ear that he needs to go home to rest. Her familiar touch made Hara loosen her grip and Key’s hand was pulled free. Nicole helped the sleepy Shinee member to his feet and wrapped her arms around his waist, leading him back out where she told him she had called his manager to take him home.
Key didn’t say a word to her about Hara’s first words in what seemed like forever. The fact that it was the name of her dead lover, Key wouldn’t know that his silence at that moment was something he would come to regret for the rest of his life.
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>>2
There were moments in life that seemed too surreal to be believed, even if you saw it with your own eyes.
Key remembered all of it. He didn’t know why.
He remembered the moment he and his fellow Shinee members got the news. It was that very night, where it had rained so hard that you could almost breathe in the vapour into your lungs, choke and then breathe it out again.
That night when it happened. That night when everything changed.
It was a blur to Key, a blur that even now made him dizzy whenever he thought about it.
He wasn’t at home that day, he had a radio interview to do, and that was why he was the last to know. He remembered a phone call with Jonghyun’s voice… no, Onew’s voice. No… he couldn’t remember whose voice it was, but he was told there had been a serious accident involving Minho and Hara.
The phone dropped from his hand.
The world plunged into a pit of darkness where his head hurt even trying to think clearly, to get his thoughts together, but it was impossible. He remembered being warned to stay calm and that the manger would come get him, and he remembered he didn't listen. He remembered he rushed out and caught a cab immediately the hospital. He remembered running inside, everything spinning out of control.
He remembered Nicole was there, having also disobeyed her manager and arrived first. He remembered the flashing cameras that were in his way, the ones he ignored. He remembered Nicole was crying so hard, her body shaking uncontrollably when he held her in his arms, unable to speak or even stand.
The rest of the members of Kara and Shinee were all ripped out of their scheduled filmings, rushed to the hospital where they were all given the news of what had happened. The media had already covered the news, Korea and the whole world coming to a standstill.
Minho was dead.
Key collapsed against the wall, barely able to breathe as the manager explained the details to him and the others, who also seemed too shocked to listen.
That night, Hara and Minho were involved in a horrific accident.
They had been dating for a long time, but the public never knew about it at all. They were careful and the other members protected them well, and they spent every spare moment they had together.
Soon, Minho became serious about the relationship and eventually summoned enough courage and proposed to Hara. It was both so unexpected and expected at the same time, since neither of them could hide their feelings on-screen, leading to many tabloid scandals that weren’t that far from the truth.
They decided on the irrational move of officially revealing their engagement to the press.
They were going to… when the accident happened.
Hara was driving and swerved the car when the bright headlights of an incoming truck blinded her, the slippery road forcing her to slam on the brakes in a vain attempt to halt the car, only for it abruptly make the wrong turn and smash Minho’s side into the ledge, killing him instantly before the car flipped over the railing, into the Han River.
Or so the coroner had told the reporters.
The media not informed on the relationship, stories were coming up everywhere as to exactly why Hara and Minho were driving together in the first place. Hara was injured badly, so badly that she was hospitalized for who even remembers how long. Where she was fished out barely alive from the sunken wreckage of Minho’s car, still conscious, having been trapped inside the car with Minho’s body as water slowly seeped in. The trauma was enough to scar her forever.
She was in the hospital for a long time in an induced coma while the world moved on without her.
The plans on whether or not Shinee and Kara were to both disband were left up in the air to allow the fans and public to mourn Minho for a while. The members were locked up inside their dorms, just lingering around in silence and grief, both groups who used to be close friends in the industry drifted apart due to the tragedy with a fair amount of hostility between them.
They attended Minho’s funeral together without as much as a glance at the other except Key and Nicole, who could never be driven apart despite the harsh reality of Hara’s actions that night. Even so, the funeral was the last place Key spoke with Nicole, and after that the two idol groups isolated themselves from each other.
It wasn’t until a few months later that Hara finally showed signs of improvement and the doctors decided to rouse her from her sleep. The media was kept at bay on this news, fearing an outbreak of emotion from the public that would be too overwhelming to control.
Key’s phone rang with the ringtone he used for Nicole for the first time in what seemed forever. He picked up and remembered hearing that voice he thought he forgotten, softer than usual, perhaps from crying so much, and she asked him to meet her at the hospital.
Honestly, Key felt nothing at the news, not anger nor relief, but he complied nonetheless because of Nicole.
He came late and she was waiting outside Hara’s room, too afraid to go in by herself. She looked up and beamed when she saw him approach, running and throwing her arms around Key’s neck in a tight, much-needed hug. Her smile was weary and her cheeks had hollowed out from the stress, even her body felt thinner in his embrace, so different from the girl he held just a few months earlier, but he didn’t care at that moment.
The scent of her hair and her skin was the same, her warmth was the same. It was his Nicole, whom he missed so much.
After a moment, Nicole interlocked her hand in Key’s, and with a brave face she led him to Hara’s room. She pushed open the door quietly and peered inside before she opened it wide enough for the both of them to go in, and Key saw Hara lying on the bed.
She was unbelievably pale and pasty with dark circles under her eyes, having gone thinner than ever before. Her hair was matted and like wires, the red colour of her hair dye having grown out a great length. Her lips were chapped and chanting something, Key didn’t know what, but that was an indication that she was no longer unconscious. If she wasn’t, he would’ve thought her to be dead.
And he felt no sympathy, even from seeing such a pitiful, pathetic person in front of him.
Key felt Nicole’s fingers leave him as she went over to sit at Hara’s bedside, clasping the small, dead-looking hand into her own, muttering some words of comfort even though Hara probably couldn’t hear her. Key stood at a distance and watched with cold eyes, crossing his arms as he felt a hot sensation scrape the inside of his chest.
Hara was still beautiful, always so beautiful. Even like this… she didn’t have a single scar on her face from the accident, where she killed Minho.
Where she killed his bandmate.
Key had never particularly been close to Hara. He felt she was like a rose, beautiful and delicate, but her ice-cold beauty was like the thorns that kept him away. He didn’t hate her when Minho dated her or when she was just a bandmate of his girlfriend, but he never found himself wanting to become close to her. She was just someone else who came in and out of his life.
He never imagined things to end up this way. He never imagined that he’d question himself if this new feeling he had for the girl was hate or anger or repulse.
A part of him scolded himself for such emotions when she was barely alive, but that was a reason that fuelled the fire. Why was she alive when it was her fault Minho was dead? Why was she alive when she was driving the car and crashed it into the river?
Why was she alive when she killed Minho? That was the question he wanted to ask.
Key moved closer and sat down next to Nicole, placing a hand around her shoulder as the girl started crying very softly, over the member and friend she almost lost the same way he lost Minho.
Not now. He wouldn’t ask that question now.
Nicole leaned onto him for a little while and watched Hara’s slightest movements, restless as they were, they gave Nicole comfort that her friend was coming back to her. Key watched Nicole more than Hara, at her facial expressions, and they were the only thing that softened his heart enough to be able to hold in his feelings, seeing her so peaceful after so many traumatic months worrying about Hara and if she would wake… she was feeling the same pain he was over his friend.
After what seemed like hours, Nicole let out a hoarse cough at her throat closing up. Even at such a time, not talking or making a sound was not something Nicole was used to. Key nudged her gently with his head.
“Do you want me to get you a drink?” he whispered. Nicole cleared her throat and shook her head.
“I should go wash my face,” she said groggily, rubbing her eyes with her free hand. “I’m so tired.”
Nicole slipped her hand gently out of Hara’s and she stood up from the chair, even more tired than she was before coming into the room. Key told her to go for a little walk to refresh her mind and get some coffee since she told him she wanted to stay with Hara until she woke up. Nicole, too tired to argue, agreed to his idea and said she would be right back. Key remained seated to reassure her he would still be here for her when she came back, but as soon as she snapped the door shut, the atmosphere changed.
It was empty again.
Key sighed to himself as he tried to sit still, staring at Hara lying in the bed, but he couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with those thoughts he had blocked out for Nicole’s sake come seeping back into his mind.
He had to get out before these thoughts got out of control.
He reached down and nonchalantly pulled up Hara’s blanket, not out of care but out of habit like he would for his own members. He stared for another moment at her beautiful face with stony emotionless eyes, the memories of why she was here tainting his sympathy for her.
He stood up from the chair and naturally shifted his gaze away from the patient to the door as he turned to leave, to go look for Nicole, when he felt long fingers wrap around his right wrist, holding him back.
Key looked down at Hara, but she hadn’t woken yet even though her hand was tight around his wrist that he couldn’t shake her off.
“Yah…” he muttered, trying to tug his hand away. “Yah, let go of me.”
Frustration overtook his emotions when Hara’s hand didn’t budge even when he pulled more violently. He clenched his teeth.
“Let go of me!” he exclaimed, his eyes flashing.
Key wasn’t one to pretend, and he didn’t bother pretending this time. He tried to pry off Hara’s fingers, and when even that didn’t work, he pinched the soft white skin on the back of her hand. He pinched hard, digging his nails into her flesh that it almost drew blood. He didn’t care that he was hurting her, he just wanted to get her hand away from him. Hara’s fingers twitched and she let out a soft, pained moan as Key’s fingernails sunk in deeper, but still she didn’t release her grip.
“Minho…” she murmured.
Key froze, feeling a stab through his heart at the sound of his member’s name.
“Minho…”
He couldn’t breathe, dizzy and disorientated, tears forming in his eyes that made everything blurry.
“Minho yah…”
Key slowly moved his hand away from Hara, leaving behind deep nail marks in her once flawless skin. Guilt plunged into his stomach at what he had done, what he had been thinking, what he had wanted to do, how he hated her for the fact that she took away a person in his life… without even bothering to remember that Minho was very much part of her life as well.
“Minho yah…” Hara moaned again.
Key let out a shaken sob and sank back into his chair, his wrist still clutched in Hara’s hand.
What was she dreaming of? How, even in her condition, could she still call out his name like that?
Key cursed his emotional heart for beating so painfully as he watched Hara’s expressions, trapped in a nightmare and muttering the name of the one she loved, not even realizing he would never call back ever again.
He didn’t know how long he sat there for, until his shoulders ached and his eyelids became heavy, but he didn’t once try to pull his hand away, hearing a whimper from Hara’s lips that stabbed into his gut. So, he sat there, becoming more and more tired and weary, but holding it in as Hara became less restless and more peaceful.
He hated her so much for everything she had done, but every time she muttered Minho’s name, Key didn’t know what came over him... he just couldn’t stand the idea of hurting her again.
It felt like hours passed when Nicole finally came back, finding Key almost asleep sitting up, his head leaned over on his right shoulder with Hara still holding his wrist. Nicole smiled sadly at the scene and quietly walked over. She placed warm hands on Key’s shoulder blades and planted a kiss on the crook of his neck, whispering softly in his ear that he needs to go home to rest. Her familiar touch made Hara loosen her grip and Key’s hand was pulled free. Nicole helped the sleepy Shinee member to his feet and wrapped her arms around his waist, leading him back out where she told him she had called his manager to take him home.
Key didn’t say a word to her about Hara’s first words in what seemed like forever. The fact that it was the name of her dead lover, Key wouldn’t know that his silence at that moment was something he would come to regret for the rest of his life.
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>>2