fairy tales of yesterday
uh so for the few people here that don't follow me on facebook, my dad died last week. he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer a few months ago and everything went rapidly downhill from there. he was in so much pain by the end that it's almost a relief that he's gone now which feels horrible to say but I think everyone understands what I mean. he was only 67 which come on universe that is absolute bullshit and you know it. I'm staying with my mom this week and things are.. okay, although she's acting a little manic. understandable and I know she has a good support system here so I'm not overly worried about her, but you know still worried because she's my mom.
cancer sucks btw. he made it through heart surgery 10 years ago, the amputation of a leg due to diabetes 8 years ago, living with various ailments and heart disease and it was finally fucking cancer that got him.
also if people (mostly my dickbag co-workers) could stop asking me if he smoked when I tell them it was lung cancer that would be great. yes. he did when he was younger. he quit over 20 years ago so you know, go fuck yourself. his two professions were mechanic and firefighter so go ahead and be judgey about smoking when it could have been fucking ANYTHING. god only knows what years and years of fighting fires and fixing cars did to his lungs. people are the worst.
right now I'm definitely still in the denial stage. nothing about it seems real. I keep expecting to see him, even though my mom has got a lot of his stuff already cleaned out of the house. (just the medical equipment stuff mostly, which is good because I don't think I could have handled looking at his empty wheelchair.)
I know many of you have already gone through what I'm going through now and wow did I never want to be a member of this club. but I am and that's just how the world works I guess. big hugs to everyone. I know my dad loved me and he knew that I loved him, so tell the people you care about that they matter. <3