Their Perfect Picture - rs_games
I'm posting my rs_games fics here since the names have been announced already and round two is about to start. Here's my first one.
Team: MWPP
Title: Their Perfect Picture
Pairing: Remus/Sirius one sided James/Lily
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Some language, slight sexual references
Summary: As the end of seventh year approaches the marauders realise that maybe relationships aren't as easy as they would like them to be. Remus and Sirius discover that there are some things that will break even the most perfect picture but what will it take to fix it again?
Wordcount: 6,052
Prompt: Broken picture frame
Genre(s): angst
It was never easy; how could it be? No one could possibly look upon such a situation lightly. Sirius knew this to the fullest extent and he was hit with a fresh wave of realisation as he lay there on the dusty, wooden floor, his left cheek pressed down in the grit. He pushed hard against the floor attempting in some way to get even closer to Remus than he already was. Their noses touched and a small smile formed on Remus’ mouth.
“Sirius…” he said this before even opening his eyes.
Sirius just stared back, enjoying the blurred vision of Remus close up, face and eyes mushed together.
“Stop it,” mumbled Remus squeezing his eyes shut once again.
“What?” asked Sirius, feigning innocence.
“Stop doing that bloody Cyclops thing.”
“Oh and what happened to injured, too tired to speak Moony?”
“He woke up.”
They continued to lie face to face for a little while, Sirius concentrating on Remus breathing and how it matched his own. Or rather how he had managed to breathe in and out at the same time that Remus did. So their chests rose and fell together. He could never help making a note of all these things. He wanted to make a mental list of everything that was similar about them. He needed to feel a closeness to Remus almost as a reassurance that this was real, what they had wasn’t a phase, they really were meant to be.
“Have you been watching me all night?” enquired Remus with his eyes still tightly shut.
“Not all night. I do sleep you know,” Sirius paused. “I’ve got you something,” he chewed his lip waiting for Remus’ reply.
Remus’ eyes snapped open as a small frown appeared on his face.
“Why?”
“Well fine if you don’t want-”
“No, I do want it Sirius, I was just curious why.”
“It doesn’t matter. I just have, OK.”
Remus nodded.
Sirius sat up leaving a faint imprint of his face in the dust. He rummaged around in his bag before turning back to Remus. He handed him a small rectangular package that had a simple blue bow tied around brown paper.
“I didn’t have anything else to wrap it with, sorry.” Sirius glanced up at Remus before staring back at the package. The look on Remus’ face had made his heart beat slightly faster than usual. It was almost one of pity and that was the last thing Sirius wanted from Remus of all people. Sirius began to have doubts and his mind played through a few scenarios of grabbing the present and vanishing it or throwing it out of the window. Had he taken things too far by giving him a present? This was meant to be some fun, not anything serious. He took a breath and glanced up catching Remus’ eye. Maybe he was just overreacting.
“Not at all, this is fine,” said Remus with a small smile, which Sirius returned.
Remus internally winced as he remembered that this was how his mother used to wrap all his presents since she couldn’t afford anything else. Sirius’ disowning had affected him more than he liked to let on.
As Remus pulled apart the paper it became obvious that it was a picture frame. It had a dark wooden exterior and clear shiny glass centre. When he had pulled the wrapping completely off he saw the picture inside was Remus and Sirius sitting on the grass near the lake. It was sunny and they had loosened their ties and unbuttoned their shirts. They sat next to each other, legs out in front of them. Sirius had rested his head against Remus and their fingers were entwined with each other on the grass in between them. They looked so happy. Remus noticed that this had been taken a few weeks ago. They had set the camera up on a timer as there was no one else around to take this picture. Not that they has minded, it was better when they were left on their own.
Sirius had wide eyes and was watching Remus’ face closely.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t afford to get it developed as a moving picture.”
“Its beautiful as it is, Sirius. Thank you.”
Sirius leaned in to kiss Remus feeling almost as happy as he had done when that picture was taken.
* * *
The door to the upstairs bedroom of the shrieking shack burst open and Remus walked through it breathing heavily. Sirius followed close behind him looking equally angry.
“Oh yeah, and how the hell am I supposed to know that?” barked Sirius, waving his arms around.
“Well from the sounds of it you were the only one there apart from her and it is pretty obvious what her story is. Who else the fuck am I supposed to ask?!”
Sirius stood in the middle of the room facing Remus glaring at his face, daring him to accuse him more definitively. He wanted to argue, he hadn’t felt more alive in months. Sirius’ eyes flicked towards the door as James and Peter entered.
James frowned
“What’s all the shouting about?” asked James cautiously. He hadn’t seen his friends fight like this before.
“Why don’t you ask Remus? He’s the one who has a problem,” said Sirius through gritted teeth.
James shared a look with Peter.
“Why haven’t you denied it?” came Remus’ slightly shaky voice.
“Why do I need to?!” shouted Sirius, taking a step closer to Remus.
“Hey!” said James rushing forwards obviously worried that a fight was about to break out.
“What the fuck is going on?!” he frowned at Sirius silently asking for some sense of reason. It just seemed so out of character for Sirius to fight with one of his friends and for Remus to fight at all.
“Well,” said Sirius taking it upon himself to speak, filling Remus’ silence. “Remus here has heard a story about me that he believes to be true.”
“What story?” said Peter clearly interested in hearing a new piece of gossip.
James encouraged Sirius to continue with a nod.
Sirius looked towards Remus who turned his back on his friends and stood by the edge of the dilapidated bed. He clenched his hands into fists tensing the muscles in his arm. Shoulders heaving he repressed a shudder at the thought of what Sirius was about to do. It wasn’t meant to be like this. James and Peter would never accept them if this was how they found out. He felt a strong urge to put some awful kind of hex on Sirius but decided that acting in anger now would only make the situation worse. Stay in control Lupin he whispered inside his head.
Sirius jutted his jaw forwards and puffed out his chest.
“Fine if you want it to be like this,” he directed to Remus’ back.
Sirius took a steadying breath and faced James and Peter.
“Remus heard that Susan Walters has been spreading the rumour that I, ahem, pleasured her in the prefect’s bathroom on Wednesday night.”
“Why the fuck would Remus care about that?” said James, his eyes flicking from Sirius to Remus. “Sirius?” asked James his eyes locking onto his friends.
Sirius closed his eyes for a moment as Remus shuffled awkwardly and shook his head. It came over Sirius as a ripple of madness. It started in his stomach and made its way up to his chest before it exploded out through his mouth; a fit of laughter. It bubbled and spilled out between his lips. Sirius managed to control the seemingly insane laughter after a few minutes and explained with a grimace of a smirk.
“The thing is, Remus here is in love with me.”
Remus whirled around with a glint in his eye.
“You fucking-”
Sirius cut him off with a laugh, just as insane as the previous ones. He focused back on James trying to block out Remus’ angry face that was an unfocused blur to the left of him. The room was silent apart from a small noise of disbelief from Remus. Sirius’ chest heaved as he stared James in the eye. The silence stretched for a few more moments until Peter burst out laughing. James’ eyes crinkled as he began to smile.
“He’s kidding right?” James turned to Remus for conformation. Remus merely rubbed his face with his hands and turned his back on the group again. James frowned and shook his head at Sirius. He didn’t want to acknowledge the tension in the room. It was just anger that was making Sirius say these things. All he wanted was to try and hurt Remus. It couldn’t be true.
“Stop it Sirius, this isn’t funny.”
“James I don’t think he’s joking.” Peter said moving to stand nearer to James.
“Joking! Why would I joke?! We’ve been going on behind your backs for ages! You didn’t have a clue, any of you. Well now you know why Remus was so pissed off after finding out I shagged that girl; he’s just jealous it wasn’t him I bent over the sink.”
Remus eventually lost control. He reached out and grabbed the closest object to him, putting effort into throwing it at Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius’ Quidditch reflexes didn’t help as he was rather unaccustomed to having rectangular objects to doge. The photo frame struck him slicing open a gash from above his left eye across onto his forehead.
The world seemed to instantly slow down. Remus’ eyes changed from anger to remorse as James and Peter stared, mouths hanging open in shock. Sirius felt something inside his chest squeeze painfully and the picture slowly fell to the floor. The clatter of the wood hitting the floor boards seem to restore normal speed and with a glance to Remus, Sirius stormed out of the room. It took less than half a second for James to follow at a slight run. He made an attempt at an apologetic gesture towards Remus as he exited through the door. He needn’t have bothered; Remus understood that he always came second to Sirius in James’ books.
Peter stood there for a while staring at the floor. He then bent down and picked up the picture. He walked over the bed and gently threw it onto the mattress, giving Remus a little smile before darting out to follow James and Sirius.
Remus sat down on the edge of the bed in the deserted room. He glanced across at the photo and saw the first crack in their perfect picture. They had no trust. This thought resounded over and over again in his head as he lay curled up alone in the corner of the room he had come to hate all over again.
* * *
“Sirius, please,” whispered Remus kneeling next to the bed holding the curtains open with his right hand.
It had been five days since the incident in the shrieking shack and Sirius hadn’t as much as uttered a single hello to Remus during this time. Everything was falling apart. The Marauders were falling apart. James spent almost all of his time having intense conversations with Sirius, they both refused to let anyone else take part. Peter had been spending the week with some of his friends in the year below and Remus didn’t talk to any of them. Lily, free from James constant advances, for this week at least, had found a brilliant library friend in Remus. James didn’t even seem to notice. Remus hated the way this had turned into something so serious. It appeared that James had less of a problem with what Remus and Sirius had been doing, and more of a problem that he hadn’t known.
Finally, Remus decided that he couldn’t take being shut out any more and resolved to try and talk to Sirius. But since he had been kneeling next to Sirius’ bed for the past ten minutes, it appeared it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“Sirius.” Remus whispered again. He knees had begun to sting and his left leg was starting to ache with pins and needles. He had thought this was what Sirius had been waiting for, for him to make the first move. Evidently, it was not, for he found himself staring at Sirius’ back just as he had been since he first knelt here.
“Oh, fuck you then!” shouted Remus, abruptly turning away and ripping the curtains to his own bed open before slamming himself down on his mattress and wrenching the red drapes shut again.
The dormitory was silent for a few minutes before the creaks of bed springs could be heard. Sirius’ bed curtains were pulled back for a second time and a face peered in. After getting no response James simply got into the bed next to Sirius.
“Mate, are you alright?”
Sirius opened his eyes and stared up at James. This was as much permission as James needed to immediately launch into a lengthy speech about what ‘he’ thought was the problem with Remus and Sirius which ultimately, as always, came down to the fact that they hadn’t told him from the start. James had been talking for about five minutes when Sirius had sat up and hugged his legs to his chest.
“…I mean didn’t we agree about all this in first year?” James looked across at Sirius who remained silent with his chin resting on his knees.
“For fucks sake, Sirius, you’re not dead. At least pretend to look interested.”
Sirius slowly turned his head to face James. His eyes remained un-focused and dark.
James frowned.
“We did agree didn’t we?”
“Agree on what exactly?” asked Sirius quietly. He had no real interest in the conversation but decided to humour James; he would never go away otherwise. Not that Sirius was desperate to get back to being curled up alone in bed, feeling numb; he just found it hard to enjoy James company at the moment. Maybe it was the fact that James had been spending ninety percent of his time with Sirius, or maybe it was the fact that he had misread Sirius’ obvious annoyance as heartbreak and so thought it was perfectly okay to spend ninety percent of his time with Sirius.
James smiled a little upon hearing Sirius talk eventually.
“We all agreed in first year that Marauders don’t keep secrets. It’s Rule Number Fourteen. You know, right next to the one that says we can never deny that Peter is the steak and kidney pie eating champion of our generation.”
Sirius’ eyes met James’.
“Do remember how many pies we made him eat until we allowed him to have that one?”
“Are you kidding? James, that red towel still smells like regurgitated meat.”
The two boys burst out laughing. Sirius, who hadn’t so much as cracked a smile for the past couple of days, was now laughing so hard he couldn’t stop.
“Shhhh!” said James pressing a finger to his lips fighting with a fit of giggles himself.
The harder Sirius tried not to laugh the more he did. It burst out of his mouth and made him double over. Eventually it became too much for James as he exploded with a mad cackle and grabbed Sirius shoulder for support.
The next thing they knew the curtains were once again pulled back - ferociously this time - so much so that a few rings came loose and plunked to the floor.
At the sight of Remus standing in the gap, the two boys immediately fell silent. James swallowed looking worried. Sirius’ eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open.
“Oh right, I see…you can’t even fucking look at me but you’ll sit here laughing with dickhead over there.”
“Remus it isn’t-”
“I wasn’t talking to you James,” spat Remus.
James glanced at Sirius who had closed his mouth and was clenching his jaw.
Remus could feel his blood boiling. It was close to the full moon and his nerves were already on edge. This had just pushed him a little too far.
Sirius could see the glint in Remus’ eyes. He noticed the ready stance and the flare of the nostrils. This werewolf wanted a fight, but Sirius really didn’t want to give him one. He was tired of fighting with Remus. All he wanted was for everything to be normal again, he just didn’t know how.
“Remus, listen it isn’t like that. We just-”
“Just shut up! I don’t want any more of your lies, Sirius.” Remus laughed to himself and shook his head. “I have no idea why I’m the one who’s coming groveling to you. I wasn’t the one who fucked some slapper in the toilets.”
Sirius suddenly stood up his face close to Remus’. Remus didn’t even flinch.
“I didn’t fuck her! I wish I had now. Then maybe I’d have a chance at some real happiness instead of the shit you try to give me.”
Sirius felt it as soon as the words were out of his mouth. His heart almost screamed inside his chest and his insides seemed to drop through the bottom of his stomach. He was so numb from the disgust he felt for himself that he almost didn’t acknowledge Remus’ fist that smashed into his face. Before he knew it, he was caught up in a flurry of fists and legs and then a sharp pain in his knee as they bashed into Remus bedside cabinet. Barely recovering from the impact as he slammed Remus to the floor where he could almost hear James shouting and Peter’s worried questions. Almost as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped and Sirius found himself clutching at Remus’ chest. They pressed together cheek to cheek, tears mingling with tears. He didn’t dare open his eyes, wanting to simply lie there with Remus until he could do nothing else.
Remus was breathing hard and beginning to feel pain in various parts of his body that had met with the floor, the bedside cabinet, and various parts of Sirius’ body. He couldn’t see much apart from the tangle of Sirius’ hair which was fanned across his face. They lay like that for almost ten minutes while James climbed into his own bed and convinced Peter to go to sleep.
“What’s wrong with us?” whispered Sirius breaking the silence.
Minutes passed before Remus answered.
“I…I just don’t know.”
Sirius sat up and leaned over Remus who was still on the floor. He pressed their foreheads together and rubbed his nose against the tip of Remus’.
“Do you remember, Moony, in the shack? When we were so close that I couldn’t tell what bit of your face was what cos it was all mushed up. Do you remember?”
Remus opened his eyes (which he’d shut instinctively when Sirius sat up.) He let out a little breath of a laugh.
“Yes, I remember.”
“See it’s just as simple as that. We’re too close. Everything’s messed up cos we’re too close.”
Remus felt a small shiver run through him.
“What do you mean, Pads?”
Sirius pulled his face away and stared out of the window. Remus moved next to him, leaning back on his hands. Sirius turned his head to one side and creased his brow in concentration as he watched clouds moving over the almost full moon outside.
“It was better before when we only really had chance to be alone in the shack.” Sirius paused to think. Remus leaned forwards and pressed his fingers to his temples.
“Sirius, we don’t have to-”
“No I decided.” Sirius cut him off before he lost his nerve. “We should just cut down, yeah? Maybe a little break will help. We can just catch up properly after the full moon.” Maybe then you won’t get sick of me and I can show you how I can look after you. Maybe then you can realise that I need you, I love you. Maybe then, if I have a use in your life, maybe then you won’t get rid of me. All the things Sirius felt he should say wouldn’t come out. He swallowed, his mouth had suddenly gone dry and his eyes were stinging.
Remus felt tears sting his eyes. He had expected something like this ever since Sirius had shown an interest in him. He had tried to convince himself that that drunken night was an innocent mistake. It was only a kiss. A kiss Sirius had seemed very interested in replicating several times afterwards. Ever since the first time Sirius had crawled into his bed half naked and warm and teasing, Remus had been waiting for this to happen. For Sirius to eventually get sick of him.
“Why only after the full moon?” Remus managed to choke out after a few moments. So you can see me at my weakest, so you can reinforce what you already know, that I’m a pathetic werewolf that doesn’t deserve your friendship let alone your love? Or just so you can get pleasure out of seeing me in pain and knowing that I need you to make me feel better? The thoughts spun round Remus head threatening to escape, but he would never let them.
“Cos it just works.” said Sirius standing up. He needed to get away from Remus before he lost his nerve and decided the lie was too difficult. Before he lost control and dragged Remus into bed beside him. Before he curled up and held on and made Remus promise never to leave. But he couldn’t do any of this; he was sure Remus wouldn’t want him to do any of this.
As Sirius stepped towards his own bed his foot crunched against something on the floor. He looked down and saw a mass of broken quills, sweet wrappers, and a photo frame. The contents of Remus’ bedside cabinet drawer had spilled across the floor after they had bashed into it during the fight. Sirius bent down and picked up the frame. He turned it over to discover a new crack running through the middle of their perfect picture. A small chunk of glass was missing from the top left corner. Sirius gently placed it on top of the cabinet without looking at Remus; he didn’t want to make himself cry. He made his way over to his own bed and closed the broken curtains as far as they would go.
Remus glanced at the picture as he climbed into bed. The crack ran through their perfect picture almost directly separating their bodies in half leaving only their fingers entwined.
The fact that they both believed they weren’t good enough for each other was what had managed to break their perfect picture down to this point.
* * *
The sunlight pushed through the small gap in the curtains. The beam that had managed to pass through was illuminating the many specks of dust that were dancing in mid air. The hospital wing was still and silent, these swirling particles the only things that were causing movement in the room.
A small disturbance came in the form of a creaking bedspring as a certain tired werewolf adjusted himself into a more comfortable position. The room soon settled again, this time allowing the occasional chirp of a bird to intrude upon the stillness.
Suddenly the performing dust was thrown aside by the force of the hospital wing doors being bashed open.
“…and then I said, ‘how can you believe he is a credible witness? There’s no chance he can see much with that great nose in the way!’ It got me an extra 5 points taken away but it was worth it to see McGonagall try and control herself from laughing in his face.”
Sirius, who was now walking with his head held a little higher, looked to James for approval but found that he was too deeply engrossed in reading a mass of parchment and wasn’t paying attention. Sirius now turned to Peter who was a little in front. The small boy was looking over his shoulder at Sirius with glinting eyes and a huge smile on his face.
“Ha hah! You know now we should draw on all his-”
“Mr Pettigrew, shut up this instant!”
Peter stopped dead in his tracks leaving his mouth arranged in the same shape it had been before Madame Pomfrey had come charging at him. James walked into the back of Peter and almost fell over. He dropped the papers he had been holding and scrambled to pick them all up. Sirius merely side stepped all this commotion and with a wink to the angry looking woman who was now shooting daggers at the other two boys for disrupting her silent pristine ward, he slid past her and stepped behind the curtains arriving at the foot of Remus’ bed.
“Morning gorgeous,” drawled Sirius accompanying his sentence with a cheesy grin.
“Oh piss off Sirius. I’m not in the mood for your shit.”
Sirius imitated being greatly offended before giving up and poking Remus’ cheek.
“Oww! That fucking hurts you know?”
“I know, I just thought it would be a more effective means of getting back at you for that scathing remark.” Sirius cocked his head to the right. “It really doesn’t look that bad.”
“Yes well I still don’t want it. It’s just another horrible scar, right by my eye as well! I could have potentially blinded myself if I had dug my claws in an inch to the left.”
With a swift look over his shoulder to check that James and Peter were still being lectured by Madame Pomfrey, Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus cut. As he began to pull away Remus lunged forwards and pressed his mouth hastily against Sirius’ darting out his tongue before dropping back onto his pillows.
“Sorry your lips were just all glistening; you know I love it when they glisten,” said Remus biting his lip.
Sirius gave a little nervous laugh.
“Remus, I think if they come in here and see me all hard like this they might just suspect a few things.”
Remus waggled his eyebrows and gave a little smirk.
“All hard?”
“Hey, it isn’t my fault I’m frustrated! I didn’t know James would stay the night in the shack moping about Lily. I was expecting some action.”
Remus tried to stifle his snort as James and Peter eventually appeared. Sirius promptly sat down folding his arms over his lap.
“Bloody hell, I thought she was going to peck my face off.”
“Slight overreaction, Peter,” said Remus raising his eyebrow.
“Hey, you couldn’t see her face, she was livid. Wasn’t she James…James?”
Peter spun round looking for James who had been standing next to him five seconds ago.
James, he soon discovered, was now sitting in the corner with his head in his hands.
“Erm, mate what are you doing?”
Remus sat up in his bed to look past Sirius at James on the floor. Sirius almost stood up and then thought better of it. Instead he remained seated and jumped the chair around to face the corner that James had placed himself in.
“I can’t do it,” whined James, frustration in his voice.
“Do what?” said the three other marauders at once. Their eyes met and they shared a small laugh before returning their collective attention back to James. He appeared to not have even noticed.
“I can’t make her love me.”
Peter widened his eyes at Sirius before bending down to James’ level. He placed a hand on James knee.
“I’m not sure you’re meant to make them love you James. It’s kind of just meant to happen you know.”
James lowered his hands and squinted at Peter face.
“What?”
Peter blinked.
“Erm…well you see the thing is, maybe you and Lily aren’t meant to-” stuttered Peter before being cut off by a swat around the head from Sirius.
“Shut up you big prat, he doesn’t want to hear that crap,” hissed Sirius. He carefully edged off the seat managing to stay in pretty much the same position as he dropped down onto the floor next to James.
“What is it this time Prongs? Did she live up to her threats? You know,” he looked around and attempted to make a discrete scissor cutting motion with his hands to James.
“Nah, nothing like that,” said James shaking his head. “Here just look at all these.”
James threw the pile of papers into Sirius lap.
He began to look through them with a frown on his face.
“But James this is-”
“Every bloody note, love letter, or poem I’ve ever sent her!” James waved his arms round looking rather mad.
“Let me see,” mumbled Remus as he leant over the side of the bed to pick up a few pieces of paper, discreetly brushing his hand over Sirius crotch as he did so. He gave him a wink before sitting back to examine the letters.
“Bloody hell, she’s even corrected them for you.”
“Are you kidding?” asked Peter his face lighting up.
“Not at all, look at this bit.” Remus passed one of the letters to Peter to read.
James had written a love note to Lily which was scrawled on a spare bit of parchment. He had obviously written it and passed it to her in the middle of a lesson. It seemed she had decided to take it upon herself to correct his spelling and grammar mistakes crossing out most of James’ original text. She had left him a note at the bottom reading: Honestly, James, how do you ever expect me to consider going out with you when you come across as such an illiterate buffoon.
Peter let out a squeal of laughter only too be kicked by Remus - who was aware this would be the thing Sirius would do if he didn’t think that moving into a different position would embarrass himself. He gained a soppy smile off Sirius for his effort.
“OK there’s no need to delight in the poor lads suffering,” whispered Sirius as he whipped the note from Peter’s hand.
“Maybe she simply wanted to hint that you should work on your English,” offered Remus, trying to be helpful.
“Somehow I don’t think so,” said Peter holding up a Valentine’s card that had a huge burn right through the middle.
James groaned and plonked his head on Sirius shoulder. Sirius patted his friends head while suggesting a few ways he could get Lily to begin to like him at the very least. It wasn’t until James started asking about love potions that they realised they were fighting a loosing battle with a lovesick fool. Remus managed to convince James that this was not an option in any way shape or form, not only because love potions were banned since the disgustingly awful prank in which they’d used them in fourth year (the one which made even the far from squeamish Kingsley Shacklebot shudder) but also because Lily would probably beat him to death if she found out he had slipped one in her pumpkin juice. To which James had rather stubbornly pointed out that Lily didn’t like pumpkin juice so he would have slipped it into her cup of tea instead. All in all, it was eventually decided that Sirius and Peter would go and do the persuading at Lily’s end and that James was to remain in the hospital wing with Remus. Sirius had also felt it necessary to give Remus full permission to use force if needed, to keep James there.
The other two had barely been gone five minutes yet James had spent all of this time asking Remus the same pointless questions.
“But what if she hates me more now? Or what if she decides that Peter is her type? Damn I should never have let him go. What if he impresses her with his outstanding pie eating skills? Shit, what if-”
“James if you say what if one more time I am going to ram my fist down your throat!”
James huffed and folded his arms putting a little.
“Fine, as long as it isn’t your tongue,” said James quietly hoping Remus wouldn’t hear. The trouble was that James Potter was unable of doing pretty much anything quietly, especially talk.
Fortunately Remus laughed.
“Don’t worry James, you aren’t me type.”
“Oh yea, what is your type? Narcissist, hot headed bad boys who think with their dicks?”
“No James cos that would be describing you, and I did just say you aren’t my type.”
James gently punched Remus’ arm and climbed up to sit next to him on the bed.
“You know full well that I was describing Sirius.”
“Is that how you see him?” asked Remus looking up at James with raised eyebrows.
“Well not entirely. I mean he is a brilliant mate and everything, but it appears he doesn’t do so well in terms of being a lover,” James and Remus both laughed. “You know what I mean. He fucked up a bit with you didn’t he?”
“What? I’m the one that fucked up with him. I mean I did start both of the fights,” Remus groaned and put his face in his hands. “I should have trusted him. He had been through so much shit and he needed me to be there for him. I underestimated him James, I’m not sure if he has truly forgiven me.”
James chewed on his thumb.
“Are things back to normal now?”
“Well sort of,” said Remus before hastily adding “as friends. We’re normal again as friends.”
James threw his head back and laughed heartily.
“Remus, my friend, if the picture under you pillow didn’t say it all, the bloody great erection Sirius had earlier pretty much confirmed it.”
Remus gaped open mouthed at James.
“Listen, I ignored all these things the first time round ‘cos I didn’t want to acknowledge that it might be true. I dunno maybe I was jealous that you were closer to Sirius than I was…”James trailed off for a few seconds. “But the point is I can’t ignore it now, even if I wanted to,” James stood up smoothing out his shirt. “Sirius loves you, so much, and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way about him. Please just promise me that you won’t try to hide your feeling like Sirius was trying to hide a certain something earlier. Especially if you’re as bad at it as he is,” said James with a laugh. Remus shook his head smiling. “Promise me,” James’ eyes bore into Remus’.
“I promise,” said Remus with a nod.
“Great! My work here is done. I’ll be seeing ya,” James gave Remus an over the top wave before leaving. It wasn’t until Remus heard the heavy doors slam shut that he remembered he was meant to keep James here at all costs.
“Shit,” said Remus as Madame Pomfrey walked in.
“Excuse me Mr. Lupin?” she asked tilting her head giving him a disapproving look that said all too well that she believed his friends were to blame for his uncharacteristic rudeness.
“Sorry, it just slipped out,” muttered Remus avoiding her gaze.
She hummed to herself as she quickly straightened out his bed sheets and returned to her small office.
Remus waited until he heard the dull clunk of the door shutting before reaching under his pillow to retrieve a small picture. The edges had frayed slightly and there were a few creases from when Remus had shoved it out of sight from preying eyes but it looked a hundred times better on its own like this then encased in its frame. He sighed as he traced his fingers over Sirius’ face.
Remus was sure that their perfect picture would be on its way back to wonderful as soon as they both realised that they lied to themselves as much as they lied to each other. Only then could they truly begin to trust each other and prepare for the life they believed (in only a matter of months) would become reality. Remus couldn’t see what could possibly break their perfect picture down to such a weakened state again. He loved Sirius with all his heart and would trust him until the end of time, no matter what.
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Team: MWPP
Title: Their Perfect Picture
Pairing: Remus/Sirius one sided James/Lily
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Some language, slight sexual references
Summary: As the end of seventh year approaches the marauders realise that maybe relationships aren't as easy as they would like them to be. Remus and Sirius discover that there are some things that will break even the most perfect picture but what will it take to fix it again?
Wordcount: 6,052
Prompt: Broken picture frame
Genre(s): angst
It was never easy; how could it be? No one could possibly look upon such a situation lightly. Sirius knew this to the fullest extent and he was hit with a fresh wave of realisation as he lay there on the dusty, wooden floor, his left cheek pressed down in the grit. He pushed hard against the floor attempting in some way to get even closer to Remus than he already was. Their noses touched and a small smile formed on Remus’ mouth.
“Sirius…” he said this before even opening his eyes.
Sirius just stared back, enjoying the blurred vision of Remus close up, face and eyes mushed together.
“Stop it,” mumbled Remus squeezing his eyes shut once again.
“What?” asked Sirius, feigning innocence.
“Stop doing that bloody Cyclops thing.”
“Oh and what happened to injured, too tired to speak Moony?”
“He woke up.”
They continued to lie face to face for a little while, Sirius concentrating on Remus breathing and how it matched his own. Or rather how he had managed to breathe in and out at the same time that Remus did. So their chests rose and fell together. He could never help making a note of all these things. He wanted to make a mental list of everything that was similar about them. He needed to feel a closeness to Remus almost as a reassurance that this was real, what they had wasn’t a phase, they really were meant to be.
“Have you been watching me all night?” enquired Remus with his eyes still tightly shut.
“Not all night. I do sleep you know,” Sirius paused. “I’ve got you something,” he chewed his lip waiting for Remus’ reply.
Remus’ eyes snapped open as a small frown appeared on his face.
“Why?”
“Well fine if you don’t want-”
“No, I do want it Sirius, I was just curious why.”
“It doesn’t matter. I just have, OK.”
Remus nodded.
Sirius sat up leaving a faint imprint of his face in the dust. He rummaged around in his bag before turning back to Remus. He handed him a small rectangular package that had a simple blue bow tied around brown paper.
“I didn’t have anything else to wrap it with, sorry.” Sirius glanced up at Remus before staring back at the package. The look on Remus’ face had made his heart beat slightly faster than usual. It was almost one of pity and that was the last thing Sirius wanted from Remus of all people. Sirius began to have doubts and his mind played through a few scenarios of grabbing the present and vanishing it or throwing it out of the window. Had he taken things too far by giving him a present? This was meant to be some fun, not anything serious. He took a breath and glanced up catching Remus’ eye. Maybe he was just overreacting.
“Not at all, this is fine,” said Remus with a small smile, which Sirius returned.
Remus internally winced as he remembered that this was how his mother used to wrap all his presents since she couldn’t afford anything else. Sirius’ disowning had affected him more than he liked to let on.
As Remus pulled apart the paper it became obvious that it was a picture frame. It had a dark wooden exterior and clear shiny glass centre. When he had pulled the wrapping completely off he saw the picture inside was Remus and Sirius sitting on the grass near the lake. It was sunny and they had loosened their ties and unbuttoned their shirts. They sat next to each other, legs out in front of them. Sirius had rested his head against Remus and their fingers were entwined with each other on the grass in between them. They looked so happy. Remus noticed that this had been taken a few weeks ago. They had set the camera up on a timer as there was no one else around to take this picture. Not that they has minded, it was better when they were left on their own.
Sirius had wide eyes and was watching Remus’ face closely.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t afford to get it developed as a moving picture.”
“Its beautiful as it is, Sirius. Thank you.”
Sirius leaned in to kiss Remus feeling almost as happy as he had done when that picture was taken.
* * *
The door to the upstairs bedroom of the shrieking shack burst open and Remus walked through it breathing heavily. Sirius followed close behind him looking equally angry.
“Oh yeah, and how the hell am I supposed to know that?” barked Sirius, waving his arms around.
“Well from the sounds of it you were the only one there apart from her and it is pretty obvious what her story is. Who else the fuck am I supposed to ask?!”
Sirius stood in the middle of the room facing Remus glaring at his face, daring him to accuse him more definitively. He wanted to argue, he hadn’t felt more alive in months. Sirius’ eyes flicked towards the door as James and Peter entered.
James frowned
“What’s all the shouting about?” asked James cautiously. He hadn’t seen his friends fight like this before.
“Why don’t you ask Remus? He’s the one who has a problem,” said Sirius through gritted teeth.
James shared a look with Peter.
“Why haven’t you denied it?” came Remus’ slightly shaky voice.
“Why do I need to?!” shouted Sirius, taking a step closer to Remus.
“Hey!” said James rushing forwards obviously worried that a fight was about to break out.
“What the fuck is going on?!” he frowned at Sirius silently asking for some sense of reason. It just seemed so out of character for Sirius to fight with one of his friends and for Remus to fight at all.
“Well,” said Sirius taking it upon himself to speak, filling Remus’ silence. “Remus here has heard a story about me that he believes to be true.”
“What story?” said Peter clearly interested in hearing a new piece of gossip.
James encouraged Sirius to continue with a nod.
Sirius looked towards Remus who turned his back on his friends and stood by the edge of the dilapidated bed. He clenched his hands into fists tensing the muscles in his arm. Shoulders heaving he repressed a shudder at the thought of what Sirius was about to do. It wasn’t meant to be like this. James and Peter would never accept them if this was how they found out. He felt a strong urge to put some awful kind of hex on Sirius but decided that acting in anger now would only make the situation worse. Stay in control Lupin he whispered inside his head.
Sirius jutted his jaw forwards and puffed out his chest.
“Fine if you want it to be like this,” he directed to Remus’ back.
Sirius took a steadying breath and faced James and Peter.
“Remus heard that Susan Walters has been spreading the rumour that I, ahem, pleasured her in the prefect’s bathroom on Wednesday night.”
“Why the fuck would Remus care about that?” said James, his eyes flicking from Sirius to Remus. “Sirius?” asked James his eyes locking onto his friends.
Sirius closed his eyes for a moment as Remus shuffled awkwardly and shook his head. It came over Sirius as a ripple of madness. It started in his stomach and made its way up to his chest before it exploded out through his mouth; a fit of laughter. It bubbled and spilled out between his lips. Sirius managed to control the seemingly insane laughter after a few minutes and explained with a grimace of a smirk.
“The thing is, Remus here is in love with me.”
Remus whirled around with a glint in his eye.
“You fucking-”
Sirius cut him off with a laugh, just as insane as the previous ones. He focused back on James trying to block out Remus’ angry face that was an unfocused blur to the left of him. The room was silent apart from a small noise of disbelief from Remus. Sirius’ chest heaved as he stared James in the eye. The silence stretched for a few more moments until Peter burst out laughing. James’ eyes crinkled as he began to smile.
“He’s kidding right?” James turned to Remus for conformation. Remus merely rubbed his face with his hands and turned his back on the group again. James frowned and shook his head at Sirius. He didn’t want to acknowledge the tension in the room. It was just anger that was making Sirius say these things. All he wanted was to try and hurt Remus. It couldn’t be true.
“Stop it Sirius, this isn’t funny.”
“James I don’t think he’s joking.” Peter said moving to stand nearer to James.
“Joking! Why would I joke?! We’ve been going on behind your backs for ages! You didn’t have a clue, any of you. Well now you know why Remus was so pissed off after finding out I shagged that girl; he’s just jealous it wasn’t him I bent over the sink.”
Remus eventually lost control. He reached out and grabbed the closest object to him, putting effort into throwing it at Sirius. Unfortunately, Sirius’ Quidditch reflexes didn’t help as he was rather unaccustomed to having rectangular objects to doge. The photo frame struck him slicing open a gash from above his left eye across onto his forehead.
The world seemed to instantly slow down. Remus’ eyes changed from anger to remorse as James and Peter stared, mouths hanging open in shock. Sirius felt something inside his chest squeeze painfully and the picture slowly fell to the floor. The clatter of the wood hitting the floor boards seem to restore normal speed and with a glance to Remus, Sirius stormed out of the room. It took less than half a second for James to follow at a slight run. He made an attempt at an apologetic gesture towards Remus as he exited through the door. He needn’t have bothered; Remus understood that he always came second to Sirius in James’ books.
Peter stood there for a while staring at the floor. He then bent down and picked up the picture. He walked over the bed and gently threw it onto the mattress, giving Remus a little smile before darting out to follow James and Sirius.
Remus sat down on the edge of the bed in the deserted room. He glanced across at the photo and saw the first crack in their perfect picture. They had no trust. This thought resounded over and over again in his head as he lay curled up alone in the corner of the room he had come to hate all over again.
* * *
“Sirius, please,” whispered Remus kneeling next to the bed holding the curtains open with his right hand.
It had been five days since the incident in the shrieking shack and Sirius hadn’t as much as uttered a single hello to Remus during this time. Everything was falling apart. The Marauders were falling apart. James spent almost all of his time having intense conversations with Sirius, they both refused to let anyone else take part. Peter had been spending the week with some of his friends in the year below and Remus didn’t talk to any of them. Lily, free from James constant advances, for this week at least, had found a brilliant library friend in Remus. James didn’t even seem to notice. Remus hated the way this had turned into something so serious. It appeared that James had less of a problem with what Remus and Sirius had been doing, and more of a problem that he hadn’t known.
Finally, Remus decided that he couldn’t take being shut out any more and resolved to try and talk to Sirius. But since he had been kneeling next to Sirius’ bed for the past ten minutes, it appeared it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“Sirius.” Remus whispered again. He knees had begun to sting and his left leg was starting to ache with pins and needles. He had thought this was what Sirius had been waiting for, for him to make the first move. Evidently, it was not, for he found himself staring at Sirius’ back just as he had been since he first knelt here.
“Oh, fuck you then!” shouted Remus, abruptly turning away and ripping the curtains to his own bed open before slamming himself down on his mattress and wrenching the red drapes shut again.
The dormitory was silent for a few minutes before the creaks of bed springs could be heard. Sirius’ bed curtains were pulled back for a second time and a face peered in. After getting no response James simply got into the bed next to Sirius.
“Mate, are you alright?”
Sirius opened his eyes and stared up at James. This was as much permission as James needed to immediately launch into a lengthy speech about what ‘he’ thought was the problem with Remus and Sirius which ultimately, as always, came down to the fact that they hadn’t told him from the start. James had been talking for about five minutes when Sirius had sat up and hugged his legs to his chest.
“…I mean didn’t we agree about all this in first year?” James looked across at Sirius who remained silent with his chin resting on his knees.
“For fucks sake, Sirius, you’re not dead. At least pretend to look interested.”
Sirius slowly turned his head to face James. His eyes remained un-focused and dark.
James frowned.
“We did agree didn’t we?”
“Agree on what exactly?” asked Sirius quietly. He had no real interest in the conversation but decided to humour James; he would never go away otherwise. Not that Sirius was desperate to get back to being curled up alone in bed, feeling numb; he just found it hard to enjoy James company at the moment. Maybe it was the fact that James had been spending ninety percent of his time with Sirius, or maybe it was the fact that he had misread Sirius’ obvious annoyance as heartbreak and so thought it was perfectly okay to spend ninety percent of his time with Sirius.
James smiled a little upon hearing Sirius talk eventually.
“We all agreed in first year that Marauders don’t keep secrets. It’s Rule Number Fourteen. You know, right next to the one that says we can never deny that Peter is the steak and kidney pie eating champion of our generation.”
Sirius’ eyes met James’.
“Do remember how many pies we made him eat until we allowed him to have that one?”
“Are you kidding? James, that red towel still smells like regurgitated meat.”
The two boys burst out laughing. Sirius, who hadn’t so much as cracked a smile for the past couple of days, was now laughing so hard he couldn’t stop.
“Shhhh!” said James pressing a finger to his lips fighting with a fit of giggles himself.
The harder Sirius tried not to laugh the more he did. It burst out of his mouth and made him double over. Eventually it became too much for James as he exploded with a mad cackle and grabbed Sirius shoulder for support.
The next thing they knew the curtains were once again pulled back - ferociously this time - so much so that a few rings came loose and plunked to the floor.
At the sight of Remus standing in the gap, the two boys immediately fell silent. James swallowed looking worried. Sirius’ eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open.
“Oh right, I see…you can’t even fucking look at me but you’ll sit here laughing with dickhead over there.”
“Remus it isn’t-”
“I wasn’t talking to you James,” spat Remus.
James glanced at Sirius who had closed his mouth and was clenching his jaw.
Remus could feel his blood boiling. It was close to the full moon and his nerves were already on edge. This had just pushed him a little too far.
Sirius could see the glint in Remus’ eyes. He noticed the ready stance and the flare of the nostrils. This werewolf wanted a fight, but Sirius really didn’t want to give him one. He was tired of fighting with Remus. All he wanted was for everything to be normal again, he just didn’t know how.
“Remus, listen it isn’t like that. We just-”
“Just shut up! I don’t want any more of your lies, Sirius.” Remus laughed to himself and shook his head. “I have no idea why I’m the one who’s coming groveling to you. I wasn’t the one who fucked some slapper in the toilets.”
Sirius suddenly stood up his face close to Remus’. Remus didn’t even flinch.
“I didn’t fuck her! I wish I had now. Then maybe I’d have a chance at some real happiness instead of the shit you try to give me.”
Sirius felt it as soon as the words were out of his mouth. His heart almost screamed inside his chest and his insides seemed to drop through the bottom of his stomach. He was so numb from the disgust he felt for himself that he almost didn’t acknowledge Remus’ fist that smashed into his face. Before he knew it, he was caught up in a flurry of fists and legs and then a sharp pain in his knee as they bashed into Remus bedside cabinet. Barely recovering from the impact as he slammed Remus to the floor where he could almost hear James shouting and Peter’s worried questions. Almost as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped and Sirius found himself clutching at Remus’ chest. They pressed together cheek to cheek, tears mingling with tears. He didn’t dare open his eyes, wanting to simply lie there with Remus until he could do nothing else.
Remus was breathing hard and beginning to feel pain in various parts of his body that had met with the floor, the bedside cabinet, and various parts of Sirius’ body. He couldn’t see much apart from the tangle of Sirius’ hair which was fanned across his face. They lay like that for almost ten minutes while James climbed into his own bed and convinced Peter to go to sleep.
“What’s wrong with us?” whispered Sirius breaking the silence.
Minutes passed before Remus answered.
“I…I just don’t know.”
Sirius sat up and leaned over Remus who was still on the floor. He pressed their foreheads together and rubbed his nose against the tip of Remus’.
“Do you remember, Moony, in the shack? When we were so close that I couldn’t tell what bit of your face was what cos it was all mushed up. Do you remember?”
Remus opened his eyes (which he’d shut instinctively when Sirius sat up.) He let out a little breath of a laugh.
“Yes, I remember.”
“See it’s just as simple as that. We’re too close. Everything’s messed up cos we’re too close.”
Remus felt a small shiver run through him.
“What do you mean, Pads?”
Sirius pulled his face away and stared out of the window. Remus moved next to him, leaning back on his hands. Sirius turned his head to one side and creased his brow in concentration as he watched clouds moving over the almost full moon outside.
“It was better before when we only really had chance to be alone in the shack.” Sirius paused to think. Remus leaned forwards and pressed his fingers to his temples.
“Sirius, we don’t have to-”
“No I decided.” Sirius cut him off before he lost his nerve. “We should just cut down, yeah? Maybe a little break will help. We can just catch up properly after the full moon.” Maybe then you won’t get sick of me and I can show you how I can look after you. Maybe then you can realise that I need you, I love you. Maybe then, if I have a use in your life, maybe then you won’t get rid of me. All the things Sirius felt he should say wouldn’t come out. He swallowed, his mouth had suddenly gone dry and his eyes were stinging.
Remus felt tears sting his eyes. He had expected something like this ever since Sirius had shown an interest in him. He had tried to convince himself that that drunken night was an innocent mistake. It was only a kiss. A kiss Sirius had seemed very interested in replicating several times afterwards. Ever since the first time Sirius had crawled into his bed half naked and warm and teasing, Remus had been waiting for this to happen. For Sirius to eventually get sick of him.
“Why only after the full moon?” Remus managed to choke out after a few moments. So you can see me at my weakest, so you can reinforce what you already know, that I’m a pathetic werewolf that doesn’t deserve your friendship let alone your love? Or just so you can get pleasure out of seeing me in pain and knowing that I need you to make me feel better? The thoughts spun round Remus head threatening to escape, but he would never let them.
“Cos it just works.” said Sirius standing up. He needed to get away from Remus before he lost his nerve and decided the lie was too difficult. Before he lost control and dragged Remus into bed beside him. Before he curled up and held on and made Remus promise never to leave. But he couldn’t do any of this; he was sure Remus wouldn’t want him to do any of this.
As Sirius stepped towards his own bed his foot crunched against something on the floor. He looked down and saw a mass of broken quills, sweet wrappers, and a photo frame. The contents of Remus’ bedside cabinet drawer had spilled across the floor after they had bashed into it during the fight. Sirius bent down and picked up the frame. He turned it over to discover a new crack running through the middle of their perfect picture. A small chunk of glass was missing from the top left corner. Sirius gently placed it on top of the cabinet without looking at Remus; he didn’t want to make himself cry. He made his way over to his own bed and closed the broken curtains as far as they would go.
Remus glanced at the picture as he climbed into bed. The crack ran through their perfect picture almost directly separating their bodies in half leaving only their fingers entwined.
The fact that they both believed they weren’t good enough for each other was what had managed to break their perfect picture down to this point.
* * *
The sunlight pushed through the small gap in the curtains. The beam that had managed to pass through was illuminating the many specks of dust that were dancing in mid air. The hospital wing was still and silent, these swirling particles the only things that were causing movement in the room.
A small disturbance came in the form of a creaking bedspring as a certain tired werewolf adjusted himself into a more comfortable position. The room soon settled again, this time allowing the occasional chirp of a bird to intrude upon the stillness.
Suddenly the performing dust was thrown aside by the force of the hospital wing doors being bashed open.
“…and then I said, ‘how can you believe he is a credible witness? There’s no chance he can see much with that great nose in the way!’ It got me an extra 5 points taken away but it was worth it to see McGonagall try and control herself from laughing in his face.”
Sirius, who was now walking with his head held a little higher, looked to James for approval but found that he was too deeply engrossed in reading a mass of parchment and wasn’t paying attention. Sirius now turned to Peter who was a little in front. The small boy was looking over his shoulder at Sirius with glinting eyes and a huge smile on his face.
“Ha hah! You know now we should draw on all his-”
“Mr Pettigrew, shut up this instant!”
Peter stopped dead in his tracks leaving his mouth arranged in the same shape it had been before Madame Pomfrey had come charging at him. James walked into the back of Peter and almost fell over. He dropped the papers he had been holding and scrambled to pick them all up. Sirius merely side stepped all this commotion and with a wink to the angry looking woman who was now shooting daggers at the other two boys for disrupting her silent pristine ward, he slid past her and stepped behind the curtains arriving at the foot of Remus’ bed.
“Morning gorgeous,” drawled Sirius accompanying his sentence with a cheesy grin.
“Oh piss off Sirius. I’m not in the mood for your shit.”
Sirius imitated being greatly offended before giving up and poking Remus’ cheek.
“Oww! That fucking hurts you know?”
“I know, I just thought it would be a more effective means of getting back at you for that scathing remark.” Sirius cocked his head to the right. “It really doesn’t look that bad.”
“Yes well I still don’t want it. It’s just another horrible scar, right by my eye as well! I could have potentially blinded myself if I had dug my claws in an inch to the left.”
With a swift look over his shoulder to check that James and Peter were still being lectured by Madame Pomfrey, Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus cut. As he began to pull away Remus lunged forwards and pressed his mouth hastily against Sirius’ darting out his tongue before dropping back onto his pillows.
“Sorry your lips were just all glistening; you know I love it when they glisten,” said Remus biting his lip.
Sirius gave a little nervous laugh.
“Remus, I think if they come in here and see me all hard like this they might just suspect a few things.”
Remus waggled his eyebrows and gave a little smirk.
“All hard?”
“Hey, it isn’t my fault I’m frustrated! I didn’t know James would stay the night in the shack moping about Lily. I was expecting some action.”
Remus tried to stifle his snort as James and Peter eventually appeared. Sirius promptly sat down folding his arms over his lap.
“Bloody hell, I thought she was going to peck my face off.”
“Slight overreaction, Peter,” said Remus raising his eyebrow.
“Hey, you couldn’t see her face, she was livid. Wasn’t she James…James?”
Peter spun round looking for James who had been standing next to him five seconds ago.
James, he soon discovered, was now sitting in the corner with his head in his hands.
“Erm, mate what are you doing?”
Remus sat up in his bed to look past Sirius at James on the floor. Sirius almost stood up and then thought better of it. Instead he remained seated and jumped the chair around to face the corner that James had placed himself in.
“I can’t do it,” whined James, frustration in his voice.
“Do what?” said the three other marauders at once. Their eyes met and they shared a small laugh before returning their collective attention back to James. He appeared to not have even noticed.
“I can’t make her love me.”
Peter widened his eyes at Sirius before bending down to James’ level. He placed a hand on James knee.
“I’m not sure you’re meant to make them love you James. It’s kind of just meant to happen you know.”
James lowered his hands and squinted at Peter face.
“What?”
Peter blinked.
“Erm…well you see the thing is, maybe you and Lily aren’t meant to-” stuttered Peter before being cut off by a swat around the head from Sirius.
“Shut up you big prat, he doesn’t want to hear that crap,” hissed Sirius. He carefully edged off the seat managing to stay in pretty much the same position as he dropped down onto the floor next to James.
“What is it this time Prongs? Did she live up to her threats? You know,” he looked around and attempted to make a discrete scissor cutting motion with his hands to James.
“Nah, nothing like that,” said James shaking his head. “Here just look at all these.”
James threw the pile of papers into Sirius lap.
He began to look through them with a frown on his face.
“But James this is-”
“Every bloody note, love letter, or poem I’ve ever sent her!” James waved his arms round looking rather mad.
“Let me see,” mumbled Remus as he leant over the side of the bed to pick up a few pieces of paper, discreetly brushing his hand over Sirius crotch as he did so. He gave him a wink before sitting back to examine the letters.
“Bloody hell, she’s even corrected them for you.”
“Are you kidding?” asked Peter his face lighting up.
“Not at all, look at this bit.” Remus passed one of the letters to Peter to read.
James had written a love note to Lily which was scrawled on a spare bit of parchment. He had obviously written it and passed it to her in the middle of a lesson. It seemed she had decided to take it upon herself to correct his spelling and grammar mistakes crossing out most of James’ original text. She had left him a note at the bottom reading: Honestly, James, how do you ever expect me to consider going out with you when you come across as such an illiterate buffoon.
Peter let out a squeal of laughter only too be kicked by Remus - who was aware this would be the thing Sirius would do if he didn’t think that moving into a different position would embarrass himself. He gained a soppy smile off Sirius for his effort.
“OK there’s no need to delight in the poor lads suffering,” whispered Sirius as he whipped the note from Peter’s hand.
“Maybe she simply wanted to hint that you should work on your English,” offered Remus, trying to be helpful.
“Somehow I don’t think so,” said Peter holding up a Valentine’s card that had a huge burn right through the middle.
James groaned and plonked his head on Sirius shoulder. Sirius patted his friends head while suggesting a few ways he could get Lily to begin to like him at the very least. It wasn’t until James started asking about love potions that they realised they were fighting a loosing battle with a lovesick fool. Remus managed to convince James that this was not an option in any way shape or form, not only because love potions were banned since the disgustingly awful prank in which they’d used them in fourth year (the one which made even the far from squeamish Kingsley Shacklebot shudder) but also because Lily would probably beat him to death if she found out he had slipped one in her pumpkin juice. To which James had rather stubbornly pointed out that Lily didn’t like pumpkin juice so he would have slipped it into her cup of tea instead. All in all, it was eventually decided that Sirius and Peter would go and do the persuading at Lily’s end and that James was to remain in the hospital wing with Remus. Sirius had also felt it necessary to give Remus full permission to use force if needed, to keep James there.
The other two had barely been gone five minutes yet James had spent all of this time asking Remus the same pointless questions.
“But what if she hates me more now? Or what if she decides that Peter is her type? Damn I should never have let him go. What if he impresses her with his outstanding pie eating skills? Shit, what if-”
“James if you say what if one more time I am going to ram my fist down your throat!”
James huffed and folded his arms putting a little.
“Fine, as long as it isn’t your tongue,” said James quietly hoping Remus wouldn’t hear. The trouble was that James Potter was unable of doing pretty much anything quietly, especially talk.
Fortunately Remus laughed.
“Don’t worry James, you aren’t me type.”
“Oh yea, what is your type? Narcissist, hot headed bad boys who think with their dicks?”
“No James cos that would be describing you, and I did just say you aren’t my type.”
James gently punched Remus’ arm and climbed up to sit next to him on the bed.
“You know full well that I was describing Sirius.”
“Is that how you see him?” asked Remus looking up at James with raised eyebrows.
“Well not entirely. I mean he is a brilliant mate and everything, but it appears he doesn’t do so well in terms of being a lover,” James and Remus both laughed. “You know what I mean. He fucked up a bit with you didn’t he?”
“What? I’m the one that fucked up with him. I mean I did start both of the fights,” Remus groaned and put his face in his hands. “I should have trusted him. He had been through so much shit and he needed me to be there for him. I underestimated him James, I’m not sure if he has truly forgiven me.”
James chewed on his thumb.
“Are things back to normal now?”
“Well sort of,” said Remus before hastily adding “as friends. We’re normal again as friends.”
James threw his head back and laughed heartily.
“Remus, my friend, if the picture under you pillow didn’t say it all, the bloody great erection Sirius had earlier pretty much confirmed it.”
Remus gaped open mouthed at James.
“Listen, I ignored all these things the first time round ‘cos I didn’t want to acknowledge that it might be true. I dunno maybe I was jealous that you were closer to Sirius than I was…”James trailed off for a few seconds. “But the point is I can’t ignore it now, even if I wanted to,” James stood up smoothing out his shirt. “Sirius loves you, so much, and I’m pretty sure you feel the same way about him. Please just promise me that you won’t try to hide your feeling like Sirius was trying to hide a certain something earlier. Especially if you’re as bad at it as he is,” said James with a laugh. Remus shook his head smiling. “Promise me,” James’ eyes bore into Remus’.
“I promise,” said Remus with a nod.
“Great! My work here is done. I’ll be seeing ya,” James gave Remus an over the top wave before leaving. It wasn’t until Remus heard the heavy doors slam shut that he remembered he was meant to keep James here at all costs.
“Shit,” said Remus as Madame Pomfrey walked in.
“Excuse me Mr. Lupin?” she asked tilting her head giving him a disapproving look that said all too well that she believed his friends were to blame for his uncharacteristic rudeness.
“Sorry, it just slipped out,” muttered Remus avoiding her gaze.
She hummed to herself as she quickly straightened out his bed sheets and returned to her small office.
Remus waited until he heard the dull clunk of the door shutting before reaching under his pillow to retrieve a small picture. The edges had frayed slightly and there were a few creases from when Remus had shoved it out of sight from preying eyes but it looked a hundred times better on its own like this then encased in its frame. He sighed as he traced his fingers over Sirius’ face.
Remus was sure that their perfect picture would be on its way back to wonderful as soon as they both realised that they lied to themselves as much as they lied to each other. Only then could they truly begin to trust each other and prepare for the life they believed (in only a matter of months) would become reality. Remus couldn’t see what could possibly break their perfect picture down to such a weakened state again. He loved Sirius with all his heart and would trust him until the end of time, no matter what.
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