FIC: Sometimes (Supernatural)
(First Posted: 19 September 2007)
Title: Sometimes
Author: JE / immortalje
Pairing: implied past Dean pairings
Summary: Sometimes he wished things were different.
Rating: FRT
AN: This story displays Dean the way I see him behind the tough guy he portrays and me wondering about the ring he's wearing. It's just thoughts.
Beta: Ash/Jack Vale
Words: 458
Sometimes
Sometimes he wished that he had taken the chance at a normal life. Sometimes he wished he had cared a little less about his family. Sometimes he wished he had given up a little less. Sometimes he wished he would get a reward for what he had given up. Sometimes he wished it would hurt a little less. Sometimes he wished he could turn back time, so that he could say screw it all and be a little selfish. But the truth was that he most probably would have made the same choices all over again and he hated himself for it.
Sometimes he felt himself so close to screaming the truth at his brother and father so that they would know just what he had sacrificed for the family, for the hunt, for Sam. He knew they would stare at him in shock, laugh maybe at how unbelievable it sounded, but had they ever really looked at him?
Sometimes he wished he had really run away with his first love and gotten married in Vegas and left his family behind, left the hunt behind, left Sam behind. But he knew for sure that he would have never willingly left a 14 year old Sam alone with their father, because he knew that it would have been the end to the resemblance of a normal life he had offered his younger brother by being the parent their father often neglected to be when it came to living like a normal family.
Neither of them had known about this plan and neither of them really noticed the ring he was still wearing, a promise ring that reminded him of his pledge to never love somebody else like he did his first love. Because sometimes the one-night-stands left him hollow inside, aching for what he had given up.
Sometimes he hated his brother for just leaving without a second thought about their family, for taking the chance he had denied himself, for not even realising that Dean had given up his own chance of normalcy so his brother would even have the choice.
Sometimes he hated his family, for only seeing the good son, the good brother and the good soldier, because they were blind to the man behind that façade, because they never questioned that he could deal with things, because they never realised how much his heart was bleeding.
And sometimes he hated himself for being so weak that their actions still hurt him and that he still hoped that it was all worth everything that he had given up. Sometimes he hated himself for still wearing that ring, giving himself false hopes that things would ever change, because he knew that they never would.
The End
Title: Sometimes
Author: JE / immortalje
Pairing: implied past Dean pairings
Summary: Sometimes he wished things were different.
Rating: FRT
AN: This story displays Dean the way I see him behind the tough guy he portrays and me wondering about the ring he's wearing. It's just thoughts.
Beta: Ash/Jack Vale
Words: 458
Sometimes
Sometimes he wished that he had taken the chance at a normal life. Sometimes he wished he had cared a little less about his family. Sometimes he wished he had given up a little less. Sometimes he wished he would get a reward for what he had given up. Sometimes he wished it would hurt a little less. Sometimes he wished he could turn back time, so that he could say screw it all and be a little selfish. But the truth was that he most probably would have made the same choices all over again and he hated himself for it.
Sometimes he felt himself so close to screaming the truth at his brother and father so that they would know just what he had sacrificed for the family, for the hunt, for Sam. He knew they would stare at him in shock, laugh maybe at how unbelievable it sounded, but had they ever really looked at him?
Sometimes he wished he had really run away with his first love and gotten married in Vegas and left his family behind, left the hunt behind, left Sam behind. But he knew for sure that he would have never willingly left a 14 year old Sam alone with their father, because he knew that it would have been the end to the resemblance of a normal life he had offered his younger brother by being the parent their father often neglected to be when it came to living like a normal family.
Neither of them had known about this plan and neither of them really noticed the ring he was still wearing, a promise ring that reminded him of his pledge to never love somebody else like he did his first love. Because sometimes the one-night-stands left him hollow inside, aching for what he had given up.
Sometimes he hated his brother for just leaving without a second thought about their family, for taking the chance he had denied himself, for not even realising that Dean had given up his own chance of normalcy so his brother would even have the choice.
Sometimes he hated his family, for only seeing the good son, the good brother and the good soldier, because they were blind to the man behind that façade, because they never questioned that he could deal with things, because they never realised how much his heart was bleeding.
And sometimes he hated himself for being so weak that their actions still hurt him and that he still hoped that it was all worth everything that he had given up. Sometimes he hated himself for still wearing that ring, giving himself false hopes that things would ever change, because he knew that they never would.
The End