Stop Crumbling the Cookie!

[love_joongie]

Title: Stop crumbling the cookie!
Characters: DBSK
Pairings: mostly yunjae, yusoo
Genre: humour, highschool, a bit cracky
Length: chaptered
Rating:pg
Summary: Jaejoong just got dumped by his super hot boyfriend and drags his friend to a frat party. But when he gets a little too drunk and ends up getting almost everyone he meets as drunk as he is, things start going bad. After, kind of sort of, accidentaly on purpose, sleeping with his arch-nemesis (or best friend... whatever), Jaejoong's life turns upside down and inside out. Now he must battle determined grandma's and mother's, and a really bitchy chick, (not actually beat them up, cuz... that's mean... especially the grandma) to be free to find his own happiness... whatever the hell that is.
Disclaimer: Ok so a bunch of other fics have this so i thought maybe i should put it up too.. teehee. So i don't own anything or anybody anywhere here.. except maybe the plot... so yeah... no ownage, although owning JJ would be sooo.. but i digress..


























Chapter 11

“Jung Yunho, I am at my limit!” The principal screeched like the annoying bird she was in her past life. It was a crow right? A raven?

“Oh God, so am I…” Yunho moaned. “I-I-I… Holy- … Mrs. … mm…” He stammered.

The principal’s heels clicked as she fumed angrily, waiting for Yunho to stop moaning long enough to finish a complete sentence. I pulled away from him after he came, shuddering violently. He let out a moan so loud it was almost a scream. Hot liquid hit the back of my throat. He glared down at me, breathing heavily, tiny beads of sweat rolling down his gorgeous face. I licked my lips slowly, and his breath caught in his throat. Hehehe, payback is sweet.

“What is wrong with you, boy?” The principal screeched. “Are you doing something dirty down there? Put your hands up where I can see them!” Yunho released the arms of his chair, which he was gripping so tightly his knuckles were white, and placed them on the desk. “Next time wait until AFTER I leave to pleasure yourself!” She shouted. I heard her shoes step towards the door. “It’s hard to be so good-looking.” She sighed to herself.

I crawled out of from under the desk after I heard Mrs. Sunshine slam the door. I stood up next to Yunho and smirked. “How was that?” I started to say, but he grabbed the front of my turtleneck and slammed his lips into mine, silencing me with a hard, lustful kiss.

“Don’t EVER do that again.” He growled.

“Never? You looked like you were enjoying yourself.” I smirked, biting his lower lip. “Who’s the bad boy now?” I taunted him.

He got up suddenly, and I stumbled backwards, knocking into my desk. Yunho trapped me between his arms, smirking evilly. “You are nowhere near being the bad boy.”

“Says you.” I laughed, and kissed him under his jaw. He shivered, and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“I love it when you do that.” He whispered, leaning into my neck. His hot breath tickled my skin, his hands started roaming down to grab my butt. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and we kissed soft and slow.

“AND ANOTHER THING!” The principal barged in, throwing the door open, and it crashed into the wall behind it. We both froze in the middle of the kiss, staring blankly at Mrs. Sunshine, who was turning a delightful shade of red. “Oh… you two were… uh… what are you… Jaejoong why are you here?” She stammered, flattening down her hair like a shy high school girl.

“Jaejoong is my Vice President.” Yunho said, pulling back from me, and facing the principal. “I asked him yesterday.”

I smiled brightly at the principal, and she blinked and rubbed her eyes. “Oh… oh yes… of course. I see…” She said, sounding completely confused. “So Jaejoong… you’re the new Vice president.” She nodded, then she shook her head and seemed to collect herself. “I expect you to be doing the same amount of work as Yunho, even though he’s absolutely useless.” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Of course.” I nodded, not wanting to enrage the beast within.

“I’ll leave the club paperwork to you then.” She produced a stack of papers seemingly out of nowhere and dropped them on my desk. “Work hard. And go to class.” She added to Yunho, and strolled out of our office. The door slammed behind her at the exact same moment the bell rand, signalling the end of the first class.

“That was so awkward.” Yunho laughed, pulling the door open for me as we left our office.

“You don’t think she figured out the… you know.” I asked him.

“Oh definitely.” He nodded. “She had the ‘oh hell I just walked in on live porn’ look on her face.”

I glared at him. “You’re not helping.” We reached my class, and I paused at the door. “Are you going to eat lunch today? In the cafeteria I mean.” I’m just asking. I don’t care. Nope.

“I have a lot of paperwork to do…” He sighed. I felt my face make a disappointed pout. “Whatever, I’ll come eat with you guys.” He pecked me on the cheek, and strolled off to whatever class he had. I’m not going to watch him leave, I’m just going to turn around and walk into class. Yes.

~~~

I doodled aimlessly on my desk making a point of avoiding the three pairs of eyes trying to tunnel their way into my skull and set it on fire. Heechul was leaning his head on his hands on my desk, staring at the top of my head, and smiling his creepy you’ll-never-escape-my-evil-clutches smile. Yoochun was on my left, poking my ribs at random intervals to try and get my attention. Changmin was kneeling next to my desk, propped up on his elbows, smiling a boyish, but still pretty damn creepy smile. What the hell is he doing in my Korean class anyway?

“Stop staring at me.” I grumbled, grudgingly acknowledging their existence. “You’re creeping me out.”

“You’re looking awfully cheery today, Jaejoong.” Yoochun noted.

“Yes, for a guy who was dumped less than a week ago, isn’t it odd to be in such a good mood?” He looked at the two others for support, and they nodded.

“So we were wondering,” Changmin tossed his hair heterosexually. “if there’s anyone special *cough* Yunho *cough* that has helped you achieve such an enlightened state of happiness.” Heechul and Yoochun’s creepy smiles brightened freakishly.

I glared at the annoying trio. “What in hell are you doing here anyway, Changmin?” I turned to the youngest member and tried to smoke him with my eyes.

“It’s my free period.” He shrugged.

“And you chose to spend it in a senior’s Korean class?” I squinted suspiciously.

“Hey! Let the poor kid do what he wants.” Yoochun intervened, swinging his arm around Changmin’s shoulders, like they were suddenly best friends. They probably bonded over their torture-Jaejoong-until-he-snaps-and-goes-on-a-murderous-rampage-and-kills-us-all strategies. “You’ll never take away his freedom!” He bellowed, holding his fist to his chest.

“That was beautiful, Hyung.” Changmin said, making his voice crack with ‘emotion’ and wiping away a non-existent tear.

“I thought you said you didn’t trust that Changmin character.” I cried, holding on to the last shred of hope that the trio would disband.

“That’s because someone” Chun gave me a pointed glare. “failed to mention that he was straight.”

Oh great. Now they’re all going angry, angry Asian on me. “You didn’t ask.” I mumbled, going back to my desk vandalizing.

“Enough with your petty grievances!” Heechul proclaimed. “We have more important things to discuss right now!” He looked at the other two authoritatively and they nodded. “ Jaejoong, do… you…” He paused.

“Do I what?”

“Shush! You’re ruining the moment.” Changmin whispered, earning a smile and a shoulder pat from Heechul. I rolled my eyes.

“As I was saying, do … you…” pause. “like Yunho?” Heechul said dramatically and the other two went “Dun-dun-duuuuun!” to enhance the drama.

“Didn’t we discuss this yesterday?” I sighed exasperatedly. “I DON’T like Yunho.”

“Uh-huh, uh-huh.” Changmin nodded, taking his cellphone out of his pocket, and punching in some numbers. “Then how do you explain THIS?!” He thrust the phone into my face like he was trying to flatten my nose with it.

“I can’t see anything if you stick it to my eye.” I whined, taking the cellphone out of his hands. The tiny screen featured a pretty good quality picture of my and Yunho’s backs, our fingers intertwined on the seat. “Hah!” I laughed derisively. “That could be anybody.” I handed him back my cellphone.

“Oh yeah?” He punched a few more buttons, and gave it back to me. “What about this one? It was taken THIS morning.” Heechul and Yoochun snickered evilly. I have a bad feeling about this.

I looked down at the phone, praying silently that nobody caught my little slip in the SBP’s office on video. I felt my eyes widen and strain their orbits. How did they get a picture of that? I’m pretty sure we were alone when that happened. I didn’t even know we were doing it until I had to leave. The dynamic trio snickered at my reaction. I glared at the incriminating photo of Yunho and me in the hallway this morning, holding hands while he scratched his nose. “That… that doesn’t mean anything.” I pouted, and started pushing some buttons on Changmin’s cellphone.

“Doesn’t it though?” Yoochun wagged his eyebrows.

“You can’t keep anything from us, Joongie.” Heechul purred. He patted my hand across the table. “Just admit that you and Yunho are an item, and we’ll leave you alone.” He smiled evilly.

“Or tease you forever, whatever we chose to go with.” Yoochun added, and they snickered together.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Changmin cried, glaring at the cellphone in my hands.

“Nothiiiiiiing.” I smirked. And there’s the delete button, I’ve just got to…

Changmin lunged at me to grab his cell. “HE’S TRYING TO DELETE IT!” He cried to the other two, who jumped after him, and started wrestling me for the phone. I fell off my chair to the ground, pulling my arms up to keep the cellphone out of the others reach.

“You’ll never get your phone back, you hear me? NEVER!” I cried, turning on my belly and trying to crawl away, from the dynamic trio and press the delete button at the same time. I might have gone a bit off the deep end.

Changmin threw his tall body over mine, and flipped me over. He grabbed my collar, and tried to pull me back so he could reach his cellphone that I was grasping for dear life in my left hand. Yoochun was pulling at my sleeve and trying to avoid me kicking him. “STOOOOOP!” Heechul screeched. The two of them paused, distracted, and I took the opportunity and pressed down on the delete button.

“YES!” I cheered. I pushed myself up for a little happy dance, when I spotted Heechul’s victory sneer. Oh man, what’s he up to now?

Heechul pushed himself off the floor and sauntered over to me. He leaned in really close to my face, and I thought he was going to kiss me too, so I turned my face quickly. But, mercifully, Heechul didn’t try to shove his tongue down my throat. His finger hooked the collar on my turtleneck and pulled it down. “Is that a hickey?” He snickered.

“Whaaa?” Yoochun blinked stupidly.

Aw hell. “Yes Heechul, this is generally what a hickey looks like.” I glared at him challengingly.

“Holy DAMN!” Changmin sneaked closer to look at it. “That is HUGE! Can I… can I touch it?”

“NO!” I slapped his hand away. “It’s just a hickey! Get over it!” I cried, pulling my collar back up and sitting back down on my chair.

“I don’t get you at all!” Yoochun slumped back in his seat next to mine. “You’re obviously into Yunho and you two already doing it and stuff. Why don’t you just date him already?”

“Why are you guys always on my back with this? This is the twenty-first century! People can live together… and have casual sex with each other without any feelings.” I told them.

All three of them rolled their eyes simultaneously. It was really creepy. “You two are like the hottest couple EVER!” Heechul flailed his arms dramatically. “After me and Siwon of course, but STILL! You guys are so freakin’ perfect for each other you finish each other’s sentences.”

“We do NOT!” I whined. Changmin, who was kneeling beside me again, started pulling out his cellphone. “Put that back in your pocket!” I snapped at him making him jump. “We’re just two people who happen to have a friendly kind of sexual chemistry.”

“It’s like talking to a slow child.” Heechul threw his arms in the air.

“Hyung, you are the worst case of denial I have seen my whole life, no, in all the lives I’ve had up to now.” Changmin shook his head sorrowfully.

“I didn’t know you were Buddhist.” I mused, super subtly changing the subject.

“Whaaa? You’re Buddhist, Min? How come you didn’t tell me?” YES! My plan worked. Yoochun stopped pouting at Changmin for a few seconds to glare at me. “And don’t change the subject, Jae.” He growled. Damn.

“It just didn’t come up Chun Hyung. I would’ve told you id you’d asked.” Changmin nodded, than turned to me. “Just admit that you like Yunho. We all know it already.”

“I do NOT!” They all sighed.

“Do you love him then?” Chun wagged his eyebrows.

“Is ‘like’ too weak of a word for the extent of your feelings?” Heechul joined in.

“I… wah… are… NO!” I cried. “He’s my arch-nemesis, remember?”

Heechul stuck his finger in my face, moving it from side to side. “Nuh-uh. You’re his VP now. Arch-nemesis thing no longer applies.”

“You’re making that up.” I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest. Is this class going to start anytime soon?

“I don’t make things up.” Heechul said indignantly.

“Yes, you do.”

“Shut up.”

“Come on Jae. You’re the only one fighting this. I bet Yunho’s come to term with his feelings.” Yoochun nodded.

“There are NO FEELINGS!” I cried exasperated. “Why is that so hard to comprehend?”

“Jaejoong-ssi.” A perfectly expressionless and monotonous voice called. I looked up to see the amazingly tall, blond (not really) Sang Hee standing just ahead of us.

“Sang Hee.” I smiled at my friend gratefully. “What’s up?”

Sang Hee is one of the rare girl’s I can carry a conversation with, even though she never changes facial expressions or tone of voice. Growing up with a buttload of girls, I sort of developed this habit of pinpointing the one little flaw in a girl and not being able to concentrate on anything else, like the words coming out of their mouths. And since Sang Hee had no visible flaws talking to her was fine.

“I heard you were the VP. Congratulations.” She said neutrally.

Changmin’s mouth was hanging open so wide it almost touched the floor. I reached over and pushed up his chin, before he started drooling. “Yeah, thanks.” I snickered.

“The principal said I should come to you about starting a club.” She took out a huge folder from her bag and handed it to me. “These are all the members who wanted to join.”

I flipped through the pages of the binder. “Sang Hee, this is half the school.” I informed her.

“What club are you starting?” Heechul asked, snatching the folder from my hands to read the contents.

“It’s the Yunjae club.” Sang Hee said without any inflections.

Changmin choked on his drool, and Heechul laughed out loud. “Whaaa?” Yoochun laughed. “Seriously?”

Sang Hee nodded. “Yes. Yunjae is hot.” She made a ‘hwaiting’ move, but her face didn’t change at all.

I stared blankly at her. “You don’t mean… this isn’t a club for me and Yunho is it?”

“No.” She shook her head, and I almost sighed in relief. “It’s for the eternal and true love you two will share with each other forever.”

I don’t know how she can say all these things with a perfectly straight face. Heechul and Changmin were having trouble breathing, and Yoochun was letting out a constant stream of his trademark word. “Sang Hee…” I was about to correct her totally untrue assumption that Yunho and I were a couple, but the bell decided it was the perfect time to ring, so she bowed and scampered off to her class, without another word.

“Hah! Even the principal joined.” Heechul snorted, shaking his head at the big binder.

“Give me that!” I growled, snatching the thing and shoving it in my school bag.

The teacher burst in and started boring us to death. She didn’t even notice Changmin, who was still kneeling at my desk. He nudged me with his elbow as I started dozing off. “Hyung.”

“Um?” I shifted my eyes to look at him.

“Who was that girl before?” He whispered.

“Oh, you mean Sang Hee?” He nodded. “Well it’s Lee Sang Hee.” I shrugged. “Don’t you know her already?”

Changmin shook his head. “I didn’t know there were girls that tall.” He said in awe.

“Me neither.” I looked down at his expression. “Do you want me to introduce you?”

Changmin pretended to be uninterested. “Pff… I don’t care. Like, she looked boring anyway. I mean, whatever, you know?” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Would you really? I mean not that I think she’s really hot or anything.” He smiled adorably.

“Well if you don’t care, I don’t really see the point…” I smirked.

“I don’t! But… you know, it’s nice to make new friends, and all that.” He widened his eyes pleadingly.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Hyuuuuuung.” Changmin pouted, but I ignored him.

When it was, FINALLY, lunch time, I followed my so-called friends to the cafeteria. “So we all meet at the school gates, and we’ll take the bus downtown.” Changmin explained out plans for the evening.

“We can’t just leave our cars here.” Yoochun shook his head. “I’ll give you a ride in my car with Junsu, and you’ll give us the directions. Speaking of which, where is Su anyway?”

I tuned out their useless babble, scanning the room for Yun- I mean a free table… where we could all sit together. It was really just a coincidence that I spotted Yunho waving me over to a big table in the corner. “Hey, Yunho’s in the cafeteria.” I stated, because it was a fact. I wasn’t super happy about it or anything.

“Ooooh! Don’t you just want to run over there, and kiss him?” Heechul squeaked.

“Ooooh! No.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll buy you lunch, Hyung. Go be with your looooooove.” Changmin snickered.

I ignored there annoying snickering, and walked off towards Yunho’s table, not because they said what they said. Because I was headed there anyway.

“Hey, Boo.” Yunho smiled a super bright I’m-really-happy-to-see-you-smile. There must be some scientific explanation for the loud thudding in my chest, and a cure or something. I’ll look it up when we get home. “How was Korean?” His lips were puckering up in an I-want-a-kiss-but-i-know-i-won’t-get-one way. God, he’s so adorable.

“It was hell.” I told him, and gave him a little peck on the lips. There was a loud squealing noise from the table next to ours. Yunho grinned so widely I thought his face was going to split in half. I smiled as I sat next to him. It’s so easy to make him happy. “Yoochun, Heechul and Changmin were mean to me.” I pouted.

“Aw.” He kissed my cheek softly. “I’ve got something that’ll make it all better.”

“Really?” I smiled, my interest piqued.

Yunho reached into his bag and pulled out an egg-shaped chocolate. “TA-DA! Kinder surprise!” He smiled brightly, handing me the chocolate. He didn’t get it when I gave him my best are-you-serious look.

“Yeah… Thanks.” I muttered, unwrapping it slowly.

“Hurry, hurry! I want to see what’s inside!” He urged me excitedly.

“Hey, it’s my chocolate, I can take all the time I want.” I crushed the wrapping in my hand and tossed it at him. It bounced off his forehead and landed in the garbage bin. “Woah!” We both turned to stare at the bin.

“That was so… COOL!” Yunho laughed, punching my arm lightly. “Good job!”

“I feel like we should record it somehow.” I laughed with him. “HEY!” I slapped his hand away from the orange plastic that held the toy. “That’s mine!”

“But I need Smurfette to complete my collection!” He pulled a plastic bag out of his pocket and showed me the tiny blue figurines he had collected. “See, I’ve already got Papa Smurf, and Smarty Smurf and-”

“WHAAA! A KINDER SURPRISE!” Yoochun shouted, taking a seat across from us on the table, and dumping his tray on it. “Did you get all the Smurfs?” He asked Yunho.

“I only need Smurfette!” Yunho cried, turning to Yoochun.

“Ah, she’s the hardest to get.” Yoochun shaked his head. “I still buy a chocolate a week in hope of finding that elusive blue woman.” Yunho nodded like he understood Yoochun’s pain. I need to start making much more normal friends.

“Yunho Hyung, we’re meeting after school at the front gates to go to my parents restaurant.” Changmin informed Yunho, putting down my tray and his on the table.

“Cool.” He smiled, very unsubtly sliding his arm around my waist. I thought he was over his momentary jealousy of Changmin. He shouldn’t be jealous anyway, it’s not like we’re dating or anything. Why are the girls from the other table snapping pictures?

Yunho walked me to my Home Ec. Class where I was going to learn how to cook a soufflé, so I couldn’t skip it, no matter how enticing his skip-and-have-sex plan was (REALLY ENTICING). He stopped bugging me when I told him I'd dedicate the cake to him. He skipped away happily with his soufflé eating plans. Idiot.

I decided to skip P.E., because it sucks, and it’s still stupid American football season. Damn those American’s and their pointy balls! … HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh my GOD, I totally didn’t even think that on purpose. Haha. I skipped to the front gates. I had the box with the soufflé in my hands, so I was super careful. I got the thing in one try, but after a few girls’ cakes exploded, I decided to not have my face blown off, and walked around quietly with the chocolate soufflé.

I spotted Junsu on my way there. “SQUISHY BUDDY!” I screamed, then remembered the cake, and turned the volume down. “Squishy buddy!” I whispered enthusiastically, rushing carefully over to him, and giving him a big bear hug. “Where were you at lunch today?”

“Ah… Hyung… I was… busy.” He stammered, his eyes shifting around. “Don’t you have a class now Hyung?”

“I’m skipping. I never see you around! You’re always just there at random intervals.” I shook my head. “I missed youuuu!” I hugged him again.

“Hyung…” His eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. Aw. “Hyung, I can’t be around you anymore. It’s not safe.” He sniffled.

I blinked at him. “What are you talking about Su? We’re squishy buddies forever right?”

“Are you Kim Junsu?” Some super tall dude, built like a wall, in a suit and dark shades walked over to us.

“Yes.” Junsu looked up at the man, and took a step back. “Who are you?” he asked suspiciously.

The guy kept walking closer to my buddy, and Junsu looked super scared. I stepped in between them, and glared at the man. “He asked you a question.” I growled. “Who are you?”

“Mr. Kim’s parents sent me.” The man answered. Junsu gasped behind me. The guy leaned over, pulling down his shades so he can give me a threatening look. “Who are you?”

“I’m Junsu’s hyung.” I told him. “And I don’t believe you, so you better shove off, before I call the police.” I sounded pretty damn brave, but I was secretly crapping my pants.

“NO! He’s not!” My squishy buddy popped up between me and the man. “He has nothing to do with me. I don’t know him.” He cried.

“Junsu!” I muttered a little hurt that he’d just said that. “What are you saying?”

He turned around and gave me a pleading look. “Please, go.” He mouthed.

“But why?” I asked him. “You’re obviously scared of the big creepy monkey over there.” I stuck my tongue out at the big man. “I’m your hyung! I have to protect you.” I said stubbornly.

“Yes, we’ve found the boy.” The monkey said in his walkie-talkie. “There’s an older boy protecting him, he might be the one who owns the apartment. What do we do?” He paused for a few seconds, and there was a high pitched order.

I reached around Junsu and grabbed the radio piece and threw it on the ground, where it just landed with a thud. It usually breaks into pieces in movies… huh. Well, there goes the dramatic effect. The big gorilla man, picked up his radio. “Both of you follow me.” He glared at me through his shades. “We don’t want to use force.”

Me and Junsu shared an understanding glance, and shot off on a sprint toward the school, but gorilla man, grabbed us both by the collar, and held us up. “Hey! You’re stretching my shirt!” I shouted, trying to take a swing at him.

“Remain calm.” The man said, and started walking to a big black van parked near the school, Junsu and me dangling from his hands like a couple of puppies getting reprimanded.

“HOW DO YOU EXCPECT US TO REMAIN CALM WHEN YOU’RE FUCKING KIDNAPPING US?!?!?” I shouted in his ear, but he didn’t flinch like he should have. DAMN!

“Hyung! You swore!” Junsu gasped.

Trust Junsu to care about foul language while getting shoved into a filthy van.
________________
12

**YAY! Happy happy happiness! Siiiiigh...... anywhooo, I wanted to clear up the whole mistake I made on the battery thing last chapter, because apparently I have no idea which end of teh battery is the positive one hahahhaa, as my buddy wetundertherain pointed out it should be the negative side of teh battery, so don't go around saying it wrong anymore ;P. ENJOOOOY Thnx for reading**