Pulsatilla | Chapter 19/23

[love_cassiopeia]

Pulsatilla
Author: love_cassiopeia
Summary: A complete mess was what Jung Yunho became after his beloved wife’s death. Trapped in a permanent state of isolation and loneliness, Yunho summons his knowledge on biology in hopes of recreating his wife in the form of an artificial human. However, the experiment goes terribly wrong and instead creates a male who has all his wife’s looks and qualities, one who he eventually decides to name ‘Jaejoong.’ Coping with the idyllic memories Jaejoong brings back of his wife, Yunho tries his best not to fall in love with his creation, knowing that the love he brings along is not the real thing-or is it?
Rated: PG-13 - NC-17
Warning(s): NC-17 material, language
Genre: Romance/Angst
Pairing(s): YunJae
Chapter 19: Taquinez

Definition: The Pulsatilla is a deciduous perennial flower native to Europe and Asia that grows in the leftover nutrients of a dead plant. It is usually grown to replace another plant. It is capable of curing diseases and may be used in remedies.





*

T a q u i n e z

For Jaejoong, sex was something as interesting and unnerving as life itself-chasing after particular desires, either ending up losing or winning. It was an activity shrouded by anxiety and uncertainty, making him feel that perhaps he was not doing the right thing. But because of the burning excitement and the tumultuous emotions resonating throughout him during sex, Jaejoong knew that after he agreed to lay with Yunho, he would embroil himself into an exuberant fire that would burn brightly inside him for an eternity.

So now, not being able to fully immerse himself into the sex Yunho had with him after he returned from the government facility, Jaejoong understood that he was missing out on a major point of the usual regimen of a human’s life. The two of them had immersed themselves within the task numerous amounts of times, but none of which they could fully remember the noticeable details of. If Changmin’s words were indeed correct, then Jaejoong would have to swallow his pride once and for all, lay with Yunho for one last time, and hopefully-receive some idyllic memories to take with him on his journey out of this world.

He paced around the roomy penthouse, gazing at the large white sofas, the elegant European rugs, and the large windows either displaying rain or sunshine from the world outside them. He chose to open one of the luxurious windows, hoping to let in a bit of air so he could at least think-he couldn’t ever since Changmin decided to stop by that morning. Although dinner time was on its way and Yunho would be returning after his long, arduous day at work, Jaejoong had no desire to cook a single dish. All his enthusiasm had been washed away from him as if a raging flood had pierced its way through him, cleansing all the useless junk that remained inside him, and preparing him for his death.

He didn’t necessarily want to call his ‘expiration’ a death, for the word hung too roughly in the air, bringing about an excessive amount of onerous, exorbitant talk, making whoever heard the syllables want to purge out everything inside them and cry until their eyes stung from the lack of moisture. No, death was something far too common, far too corrupted by unnecessary murders, massacres, wars, or even situations like suicide which Jaejoong saw in the countless movies Yunho used to take him to. Whether it was in the movies or weaved in persistently into reality, Jaejoong knew his death was something completely different from the deaths humans experienced. For one, he would know exactly when he would die (which, no matter how much a human pleaded to know, he couldn’t). But most of all, it was because his life was far too short, filled with too many mishaps all caused by the reason why he was brought into this word in the first place: love.

Jaejoong wanted to laugh at himself as his eyes began to swell up in tears. But after lecturing himself and forcing courage to arise within him, he pushed them back, continuing to gaze down at the busy, now leaf-covered streets of Seoul. He let the autumn wind sail through the thick filaments of his ebony hair, knowing that within his afterlife-if there was one-he wouldn’t be able to experience anything as beautiful as the city of Seoul herself.

After sitting by the large window for what seemed like hours, Jaejoong began counting down the minutes until Yunho would arrive home, trying to decide whether the two hours left was too long or too short to endure. He could feel an invisible force falling upon him, burdening him with visions of Yunho’s perturbed face, filling his ears with short audio clips of Yunho’s shrill, bombastic voice.

Instead of sitting around placidly, sending time to hell, Jaejoong stood up and navigated to the kitchen, knowing perfectly well that two hours was plenty of time to cook a full homemade meal for a hardworking husband who would return from a long day of hard work. It was more than a habit-in fact, it was considered second nature-for him to look after Yunho, mentally and physically, guiding his health in the correct direction yet all the while attaining a immeasurable amount of happiness along the way. Yunho’s comment of not expecting dinner this morning, along with their unneeded argument however, contradicted Jaejoong’s intentions entirely. What was the use of cooking breakfast when your loved one ignores it and instead takes upon the alternative of grabbing a mug of coffee on the way out of the apartment door in a hurry to arrive at ‘work,’ which he was in fact obsessed with? If an individual were to spend his or her time putting in a load of input while the output is completely minimal (or in this case, a few angry words and a frown), Jaejoong had no idea whatsoever of why he was still bothering to increase the input.

Looking at the unsoiled, spotless stove and searching through the organized refrigerator, Jaejoong came up with a few ideas of what he should make. Buddae Jjigae seemed like a likely possibility, but the thought was denied when he wondered whether or not Yunho has had too much of it lately. Mandu was another option-although the process seemed too problematic for a mere two hours. He could also make bibimbab, but perhaps it was way too simple and not romantic enough (not that romance mattered much to the two of them anymore) to sit through an entire supper with. Heaving a sigh and closing the refrigerator, Jaejoong decided to give up, influenced by the voices inside him that told him there was no use making something when no one had any intention of consuming it.

Perhaps he should dial up a local diner and order take-out. It was convenient, easy, and would be delivered straight to the door within minutes. The only problem was that Jaejoong had no intention of letting Yunho consume take-out food for the hundredth time, when in fact, he could be eating a healthy, complete meal crafted by the hands of his lover. But what was the point-it wasn’t Yunho who was hungry anymore; this time, it was solely him.

“I am such a lunatic!” He yelled into the empty kitchen, his voice bouncing off the high ceiling. Since when did he have such trouble making a decision? Well, with food, that is. He deplored the fact that he had yet wasted another two hours rummaging through the fridge, trying to dig up the courage to take an ingredient and slap it down onto the pan, when now, Yunho could be walking through the door at anytime, dressed in his elegant yet somewhat sexy dark suit, carrying his briefcase, hoping to sit down to enjoy a proper meal like all typical married men do.

When Jaejoong heard the turn of the key on the lock on the front door, he neither became apprehensive nor energized. Since Yunho told him this morning that he would not be expecting anything, he wouldn’t need to provide anything. Additional to that, Yunho has no idea of his expiration either, so there would be no difficulty whatsoever between their conversations shared.

On the other hand, not being so optimistic, Jaejoong understood that it only took one person’s deluded mindset to ruin the entire conversation. The indelible warning inside him, along with the flouting voice of Changmin this morning, kept on questioning him of what he was going to do to resolve the manner. If he was to tell Yunho, then without a doubt, the scientist would live in misery for the rest of his life. If he was to escape, telling Yunho a lie that would bring him to believe that he had just left in search of another life, he himself would feel as if he had lost something, ‘letting Yunho off lightly’-so to speak. Either choice sounded awfully rash at a time like this, but he understood perfectly that death was far worse than packing your bags and leaving. The death of Seulki, now transformed into his death, would eventually lead to the death of Yunho’s heart.

For now, all he needed to do was to spend every last moment he had with Yunho joyfully.

“Jaejoong?” A deep, unique, masculine voice pierced through the silence smoothly, leaving no debris behind. “What are you doing there, standing in the dark all by yourself?”

Upon hearing Yunho’s words, Jaejoong severed himself apart from his inane, innumerable thoughts. “Oh… I was just-”

“Is something wrong?”

“No… I…” Jaejoong stared up into Yunho’s eyes, noticing the fact that they had changed drastically from this morning’s cold, spiteful pair. And it was in the way he spoke-the tender vocal chords-which made him feel as if he was actually worried.

“I see you haven’t made dinner today.” Yunho pointed out, not showing a grain of disappointment. “If you have anything on your mind, please don’t be afraid to tell me. It might be difficult for you, considering we just had a big argument this morning right out of the blue, but Jaejoong… we’ve been through enough for you not to tell me anything, haven’t we?” He put on one of his usual, blithe smiles, making Jaejoong go insane at the sight of it. “How about it, Jaejoong-ah?”

Why the hell is he so smart? Jaejoong thought to himself, feeling completely baffled. He sensed that I had something bothering me from the moment he walked through the door!

“Well?” Yunho asked again, since nothing was escaping from Jaejoong’s mouth.

Jaejoong decided to go with his plan of spending as much of quality time as he could with Yunho before his expiration, and uttered the five simple words:

“I want you inside me.”

Yunho’s eyes widened instantly upon hearing such evasive but descriptive words. A bantering laugh escaped his lips. “You want me to sleep with you? Now? Right out of nowhere?”

Jaejoong nodded.

Yunho’ smile widened, making Jaejoong want to automatically reply his smile with his own. “So… that basically means that you’ve forgiven me for being such a heartless prick this morning?”

Jaejoong’s head oscillated up and down, making him resemble an adorable bobble-head from Yunho’s perspective. “I want you to take me, now.”

Jaejoong’s entirely spontaneous demand left Yunho in uncontrolled laughter, especially upon hearing such a serious and innocent tone of his sugary voice. “Oh Jaejoong, why do you do these things to me? Why do you offer me such advantages when in fact I’ve done nothing but scream at you today?” Yunho put his briefcase down on a nearby chair as he moved closely to Jaejoong. “Are you sure it’s okay though? Is your condition okay? I mean… it hasn’t been long since the scientists last worked on you.”

“You’re rather talkative today.” Jaejoong stated, seducing Yunho with a curl of the lips and a forceful pull on Yunho’s tie, bringing him closer so that he could nearly feel his breath upon his neck. “I sometimes wish you’d just shut up.”

Yunho leaned in to receive the open kiss Jaejoong was offering, sliding his hands by his slim waist. Although the pleasure was overwhelming each part of his body one by one, Yunho couldn’t quite comprehend why Jaejoong had chosen to eagerly ask for sex the moment he entered the apartment. Had he been perhaps too lonely? Or… perhaps he had been looking through certain channels on TV that whetted his excitement, and now wanted something to bring that excitement back into his mundane life.

Yunho knew the two assumptions were not nearly as close to the truth, because although Jaejoong’s face was demanding, he could perceive a slight sadness within them.

It was not only his eyes either. In fact, it was the feeling of weakness in his body as he embraced him as well-stating that he did not have enough energy to endure anything anymore.

Nevertheless, Yunho let himself lose to his desires and unfastened Jaejoong’s jeans without a moment’s delay.



He couldn’t dare to open his eyes, for he felt that if he did, he would lose the radiating, evanescent pleasure which overpowered his entire soul. He couldn’t tell the man above him to stop (although, he was sure that if the man penetrated him any further, he would break), for he knew he couldn’t live on without the feeling of the hard, pulsating muscle situated within his nirvana. As their two bodies mingled together in the dark, Jaejoong not only felt himself losing his energy, but also losing his entire mind.

The two of them didn’t bother to situate their love-making to the bedroom, probably because they were too impatient, or, perhaps, that the two of them desired a change of scenery from the usual surroundings. Without knowing where else to go, Yunho laid Jaejoong on the cold, wood, living room floor, where the two of them met their lips, begged each other for more as each one of them teased each other with their extraordinary skills, and tangled into each other as if there was really nothing in the world left for them anymore-which is in fact, the truth (at least for one of them). Their breaths synchronized as their bodies did a dance with a choreography mapped inside each other’s minds by an unexplainable telepathy between them. It was useless to over-think a single action. Jaejoong merely thought of it as magic-if there was such a thing in the world.

As the taller man pushed into the dark-haired beauty harder, the beauty could nearly feel the roughness of his bones against the smooth but hard wood of the living room floor, creating another source of pain that was craved by Jaejoong. He held Yunho’s shoulders down, bringing him down onto his chest so he could once more meet his lips with the insatiable piece of candy that had lingered in his presence for too long, waiting to be devoured. Jaejoong felt himself transform into a little boy in a candy store-except this, this desire, it was far meaningful than a visit to a sweets shop.

He wished Yunho could stay there forever-even if it had no chance of happening. He told himself that he would solace the voice inside him which continuously warned him that this would be the last day the two of them would make love. He would wake up the next morning as usual, and that would be the last day he would be able to spend with him before the sun rose once again, forcing him out of the house and into the streets of Seoul where he would hide before his death consumed him. The last day he was to spend with Yunho-he didn’t want it to revolve around sex, like their usual good days. He wanted to prove the fact that perhaps their relationship was capable of holding more than a few bundles of erotic kisses and their bodies entwining together to form a piece of art. Despite the fact that Jaejoong felt that this was all he was here for (to love Yunho, to please him), he wanted to search for even the smallest indication that stated otherwise.

“Jaejoong… we should stop.” Yunho spilled his seed in between a medley of grunts as he made his protest. “We’ve been doing this for way too long.”

A hand reached up to Yunho’s long, lean, muscular arms and grabbed them tightly, threatening to make marks on his skin if it stayed too long. “Don’t leave.” Pleaded a weak voice-one weaker than the one Yunho heard moments ago. “Stay, please.”

Yunho rolled onto his side, using his arms to manoeuvre Jaejoong’s body so that their eye contact was strong enough to burn holes in each others’ skulls. “What are you trying to prove?” He asked, lifting an eyebrow. "Look Jaejoong, I know you’re still mad about this morning-or rather, not this morning, but for all the pain I’ve caused you during these past few months-but please, you’re hurting yourself by doing this.”

“I’m not hurting anyone. I’m mending your soul, and mine.”

Yunho frowned instantly, trying to make full sense of the equivocal words escaping from the lips he had been diving into for the last few hours. Jaejoong’s pale skin carried a ghostly pallor, showing that he had lost a tremendous amount of weight. Instead of sweating uncontrollably from the pleasure like Yunho himself did, Jaejoong was shivering, almost as if an frigid wind had blown in from the window which was long-closed.

“I want you, I want you so bad.” Jaejoong’s brittle voice choked out. “And I miss you too. I feel like you’ve been gone for the past few months. I want you back, I don’t ever want to lose you ever again.”

Hearing such succinct, unexplainable words escape from Jaejoong’s mouth made Yunho’s body lose its rhythm instantly. His calm figure weary and exhausted from the past hours’ activities suddenly tensed up without warning, losing all signs of exhaustion. It was as if Jaejoong’s words had angered him-no, more like, bothered him. He had no intention of letting Jaejoong’s mind meander off on its own, fuelled only by his assumptions.

“Since when have you lost me?” Yunho asked anxiously. “Since when have I left you?”

“Since all this happened.” The raven-haired male replied. “You’re a different person, Yunho. I’ve been meaning to tell you all this time, but I was afraid that my assumptions would be false and in return, you would condemn me for thinking such outlandish thoughts. But this is the truth Yunho, take it from someone who is by your side nearly twenty four-seven. I wish you could show some enthusiasm towards life-towards me.” He paused, sighing, trying to find the right words to say. “I want you to love me.”

The tense, uneasy frown Yunho once had painted upon his visage soon morphed into a labyrinthine smile which Jaejoong tried so hard to understand-but couldn’t. In that smile, he found guilt, as well as motivation, but mostly, it carried a little something that Jaejoong had not seen for weeks-happiness.

“I do love you, Jaejoong. But the love between us is so strange; it’s hard sometimes to love you correctly.”

Jaejoong smirked, relieved that Yunho had finally realized the imperceptible mistakes he had previously made. “You just did.” He chuckled, wrapping his arms around Yunho’s waist, embracing him as if he was a teddy bear. “Although… some people might not consider two men, lying on the cold, living room floor in a complete mess the ‘right kind of love.’”

“What do they know?” Yunho’s long elegant, enrapturing fingers travelled up to Jaejoong’s midnight-black hair, trying to organize the strands but instead, messing them up in the process. “They haven’t been through nearly enough shit as we have.”

The skinnier male held onto his partner even tighter as his comment reached his ears. Yunho loved it-the sensation which overwhelmed him when Jaejoong embraced him-or rather, when he merely touched him. He felt like a hero, a guardian angel in which someone depended on to protect them from the harsh winds that constantly blew past him. He felt, for the very first time in a while, courageous.

Courage however, does not grant you complete confidence and assurance. Courage was overcoming a fear, but it certainly was not abolishing all the fears that still lays ahead of you. For one, Yunho was still skeptical towards Jaejoong’s erratic behaviour tonight-why he was so desperate for sex, and why he looked and felt so... empty. The first thought that came to Yunho’s mind was the impression that Jaejoong might be sick. He was contradicted however, when he recalled the fact that Jaejoong was not human and could not attract humanly diseases. Besides, even if he was to come down with an illness, it certainly wasn’t a physical condition. If Yunho were to think rationally, he would say without hesitation that what Jaejoong was apparently suffering from was something entirely mental.

He wanted to say something, but again was unsure of how his soul-mate would react. He had no reliable evidence to depend on, and his supposition was based solely on intuition and his emotions. But as his lover and creator, Yunho felt as if he knew Jaejoong from inside out-even if he made no sense sometimes with the inane words he spoke.

He’d like to think that he knew both Seulki and Jaejoong down to the marrow, but apparently, knowing Jaejoong doesn’t exactly mean he could figure out every reason behind his actions or analyze the meaningless words he often spoke.

But Yunho knew he had to take a chance. If Jaejoong was brave enough to be completely vocal about his opinions and suppositions, so should he. Comparing himself with Jaejoong, Yunho felt that at times, he was not nearly as courageous or as open-minded as the dark-haired beauty. He had an immense ego-it was pretty hard to admit, but it was the carbon truth. Jaejoong had the innocence to become the hero, the courageous one who thought twice about others before ever thinking of himself. Realizing this lurid fact, Yunho contradicted his earlier opinion of him being the hero, and instead gave Jaejoong the profound title. It was difficult to call himself a hero when in fact, he was nothing but a coward.

“Jaejoong, please, I’m begging you.”

Taking the chance, Yunho finally was able to let out his questions fly free. “Tell me, what is wrong with you?”

Jaejoong’s body shook in Yunho’s arms after nearing such a question. Just why the hell is he so sharp? Jaejoong asked himself, knowing fully well that he was unsuccessful in attempting to hide his weakness today. Even though he understood perfectly that he had lost the game, he still had to hold on, to tell lies-for Yunho’s sake.

Lying for love… Jaejoong had no idea what he was doing.

“You’re imagining things.” And with this statement, Jaejoong flashed the largest, widest, most ostentatious smile he had ever given anyone. “I’m like gold. Why would you think there was something wrong with me? I’ve already been resting at home for weeks. What happened at the government facility is long gone from my head and my body.”

Upon seeing Jaejoong’s strange smile, Yunho became more and more befuddled. “But Jae-”

Realizing that he had no say whatsoever in the situation, Yunho gave up, knowing that his intuition had guessed wrong this time. Putting on a weak smile, Yunho followed Jaejoong’s footsteps, getting off the wooden floor and heading over to the large bedroom they now shared.

As Yunho collapsed onto the mattress while Jaejoong went to take a quick shower in the small nearby bathroom, he couldn’t help but think that Jaejoong was in fact hiding something from him.

He stared up at the white ceiling, now painted grey by the night, and tried to perceive what was truly going on.



Argh, I hate the fact that I’m not going to the SM concert today. But then again, I have no money and no time. I also hate it that only Yunho and Changmin are going to be there-when will this conflict ever settle itself?

Anyways, please tell me what you thought of the chapter… even though it was relatively short XD

-Cindy

R é s u l t a t |  A l i é n é |  D é s o l é |  B a i g n o i r e | M u s i q u e | N o c t u r n e  1 | N o c t u r n e  2 | J a l o u x | P e s a n t e u r  1 | P e s a n t e u r  2 |  r ê v e | S o u p ç o n n e u x | M e n s o n g e | F e n ê t r e s  1 |  F e n ê t r e s  2 |  S c i e n t i f i q u e |  G â t e a u   a u   f r o m a g e |   v é r i t é | F r a g i l e   1 |  F r a g i l e   2 | V a g u e s   d ' o c é a n 1 | V a g u e s   d ' o c é a n  2 | C r a i n t e | T a q u i n e z

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