Fic: I Can’t Talk Right Now (3/3)
Title: I Can’t Talk Right Now (3/3)
Back to Part 1
Back to Part 2
~
For the next week and a half, Merlin and Arthur barely saw each other in daylight, except for a few snatched moments in the morning as Merlin slowly emerged from sleep and Arthur got dressed. As Arthur rarely made it home in time for dinner, each night Merlin diligently covered a plate of food and put it aside for him. Usually, he had to retrieve the forgotten plate from the microwave the next afternoon and throw the food away.
They managed to spend one Saturday together away from work, but it was not a joyous occasion. Accompanied by a saddened Morgana and a solemn Lance, they travelled across the country to support Gwen at her father’s funeral.
On their return, the couple fell into bed with frantic touches, needing to shake off the uneasy mournful shroud that had surrounded them, desperate to feel alive.
The next day Arthur went into work.
~
Merlin glared at the phone. “What do you mean you can’t get away?”
“I mean that I can’t get away.” Arthur put Merlin on speakerphone and began running around his office collecting together papers.
“But you promised!”
“I’m sorry, Merlin.”
“You don’t even work Sundays!”
“I’ve got a lot to catch up on. Can’t you take Will?”
“He’s in Fiji with Sophia.”
“Is he? He’s back with her then?”
“Yes.”
“Since when?”
“Since a couple of months.”
“Oh. In Fiji you say?”
“Yeah, they’re going on like a six month tour thing. I told you this last week.”
“Did you? I don’t remember.”
“I gathered that.”
“I’m sorry, Merlin. I’m just really tied up at the moment. I can’t ask Lance to come in and help out.”
“I know. It’s OK. It’s just I…I feel like we don’t really talk anymore and…”
“Oh shit, Merlin, I’ve got to run. Love you! Bye!”
Merlin looked sadly at his phone as the dial tone blared at him. He stared at it for quite a while, a plan forming slowly in his head. Then, with a deep breath, he resolutely dialled.
“Lance? I need your help…”
~
That Wednesday, Arthur came home from work at nine o clock and found Merlin, having eaten his solitary dinner, sprawled on the couch in the games room with a blanket over his legs watching Grand Designs on the large screen.
“You’re home!” he exclaimed when he looked up and saw Arthur in the doorway.
“Looks like it.” Arthur strolled over to the sofa and sank wearily onto it.
“Do you want some dinner?” Merlin asked. “I put some back for you.”
“Not just yet.” Arthur slipped an arm around Merlin’s waist and pulled him close. Merlin snuggled into him and they settled to watch the television together.
“It seems like ages since we last did this,” Arthur said as the adverts came on.
“It is ages,” Merlin said, lifting his head from Arthur’s shoulder to smile up at him.
Arthur gave a worried frown. “You do know I love you?”
Merlin snorted softly, sounding like a slightly less acerbic Morgana. “Prat.” He kissed Arthur’s nose affectionately.
Arthur wriggled, kicking off his shoes and turning so he had his back against the arm of the sofa and stretched his legs out over Merlin, who was lazily exploring his way along Arthur’s jaw line with his lips.
“Where’s Morgana?” Arthur muttered.
“At Gwen’s,” Merlin said before preventing Arthur from saying any more by kissing his lips.
Arthur murmured contentedly and curled a hand into Merlin’s hair to pull him closer. Merlin shifted onto his knees, as their kisses moved quickly from light to lingering and he pressed closer until Arthur was slinking down onto the sofa cushions with Merlin lying almost completely on top of him. He felt Arthur’s soft happy sigh against his lips, the gentle circling of Arthur’s fingers on his back as he unfastened Arthur’s tie and unhooked the top button of his shirt.
Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s neck; languidly teasing with little licks and nibbles. He heard Arthur’s breathing change tempo, but dismissed the distracting thought that something about it sounded incompatible, until he felt Arthur’s arms about his waist loosen.
He pushed himself up onto his knees and looked at Arthur lying on the couch, eyes closed, his breath falling quickly into the deep regular pattern of sleep, and frowned.
At first, he wanted to hit Arthur over the head, hard, with a cushion. Or possibly the lamp from the coffee table. But he watched, as sleep slowly erased the careworn lines that prematurely graced Arthur’s face, and his heart thumped painfully.
Reluctant to fall asleep alone in their cold bed again, Merlin switched off the TV and the lights before squeezing himself in the small space between Arthur and the back of the sofa. He pulled the abandoned blanket over them, wrapped an arm around his sleeping boyfriend and settled down for the night.
~
Merlin realised that sleeping on the sofa was a mistake when he woke up and his neck ached. He reached up and touched it, grimacing.
“Yeah, me too,” Arthur said grimly, watching him through half open eyes.
“Ow,” Merlin said, massaging his neck as he sat up.
“My back kills.” Arthur struggled into a sitting position and stretched, wincing. “Merlin, this house has thirteen bedrooms…why were we sleeping on the sofa?”
“You fell asleep,” Merlin explained sheepishly. “You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you…and I didn’t want to sleep without you.”
Arthur's face softened and he smiled at Merlin. Then he caught sight of a clock out of the corner of his eye. “Shit! Is that the time?” He jumped up, wincing again, “and I’ve got a meeting with a new client today…fuck…”
Arthur rushed around in a blur getting ready for work whilst Merlin made him a cup of coffee (slurped and then later found pretty much full and stone cold on the edge of the bath) and toast (one slice eaten whilst running to the car).
Despite his panic, Arthur ran out of the door on time, pausing only to grab the toast Merlin waved at him as he passed.
It wasn’t until ten minutes later that Merlin realised Arthur hadn’t given him his usual parting kiss.
~
Merlin smothered the urge to giggle uncontrollably as Lance showed him into a small room with the words ‘Conference Room B’ on the door. He actually felt a little nervous.
“Thanks for this, Lance,” he said.
“No problem,” Lance replied, good-natured as always, his impeccable manners preventing him from showing the slightest bit of curiosity. “Just wait in here, it won’t take long.”
Merlin thanked him and sat on the edge of the table as Lance shut the door behind him as he went out.
He knew Arthur was busy with work and he knew why, but he needed to see his boyfriend for more than five minutes before one or both of them had to leave, or fell asleep. Lance, accommodating as always, had been easily persuaded in arranging an appointment between Arthur and Merlin, posing as Mr. Emerson, a potential new client. It was a simple but ingenious plan, if a little desperate.
But he was desperate.
The door opened and Arthur came in looking a little flustered. “I apologise for the delay Mr - Merlin!” He almost jumped backwards, retracting the hand he’d extended. “What are you doing here? I was expecting a client, a Mr…”
“Emerson” interrupted Merlin, “I know.”
“What? How did you…what’s going on?” Arthur shut the door abruptly behind him. “Are there hidden cameras? Is this some kind of trick?” He began pacing the room, looking for spying equipment in the most absurd places, under the table, behind the projector, under a coffee cup.
“No…not really,” Merlin stuttered, his carefully rehearsed explanation vanishing from his memory.
“Not…” Arthur paused in his pacing and he stared at Merlin. “Did you set this up?”
“Yes,” Merlin squeaked.
Arthur’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Explain,” he demanded in a tight, cold voice.
“I know you're busy. I just wanted to see you, so I thought that we could…” Merlin trailed off miserably as he saw Arthur’s jaw grinding furiously.
“I see,” Arthur said in a low voice that sent unpleasant shivers up Merlin’s spine. “So you think I can just take time off like that? Just because my father is my boss doesn’t mean I can take time out to fuck you in a meeting room.”
“No, Arthur, it wasn’t meant to be like that,” Merlin said frantically. “I just wanted to see you…to talk…”
“We can talk at home,” Arthur ground out.
“But we don’t,” Merlin snapped. “We don’t talk, we don’t go out, we don’t visit my mum…we don’t do anything! Do you know when the last time we actually sat down for a proper meal together was?” He paused, but when it was evident Arthur was not going to answer he rushed along, “it was seventeen days ago. Seventeen! We live in the same house!”
“I’m sorry that I'm busy, Merlin, but that’s no reason to pull a stunt like this.”
“Arthur, I’m trying to explain why I had to,” Merlin said urgently. “All we do is work, sleep and have sex. And sometimes…” his throat constricted painfully, “sometimes I don’t really think it’s me you’re having sex with.”
“Of course it’s you!”
“I mean that sometimes I…I feel like I’m just a body and we’re just having sex for the sake of it.”
“Well, you never seem to complain about it at the time!” Arthur said, his voice rising angrily, “in fact I seem to recall you quite vocally stating the opposite.”
Merlin blushed furiously. “Arthur, don’t you see, that is our relationship right now? That’s it! We’re supposed to be buying a house together…we’re supposed to be getting furniture and decorating together and you’ve cancelled on me more times than I can count.”
“I’ve come shopping!”
“You gave me an hour!” Merlin shouted, “an hour in the bed store and you even managed to shoehorn sex into that! Arthur, there is something wrong and we need to fix this.”
“I can’t talk about this now, Merlin, I have work. We’ll talk about it when I get home.”
“But we won’t. We need to talk about it now. I’m here now and this needs to be sorted now. Whatever you’ve got to say, Arthur, just say it!” Merlin cried. “Say it! What is it, Arthur? What brilliant things are you going to say to make it all better…?”
“Enough, Merlin!” Arthur hissed in an icy voice. “That is enough! You’ve marched into my work; you’ve shouted your mouth off about our sex life, you’ve thrown all these accusations at me. I have colleagues just on the other side of that door. I have clients! You’ve humiliated me! You had no right…no right at all to do what you just did.”
“Oh god, Arthur!” Merlin reached for him. “I just…”
Arthur shook him off. “I have more important things to do than pick out fucking china patterns with you.”
Merlin froze for a full minute before he turned and ran from the room, pushing past Lance who had somehow cleared the corridor and was hovering nervously. He ran down the stairs, through the foyer and right outside, where he began to cry.
~
Morgana could hear a strange thudding noise as she unlocked the front door. She peered cautiously into the hall and saw Merlin bumping a suitcase down the stairs.
“What’s happened?” she said. “What’s going on?”
Merlin deposited his case at the foot of the stairs. “I’m just going to visit my mum for a few days.”
“Come off it, Merlin. What’s happened? Is it Arthur?”
“We had a huge fight.”
“Oh Merlin!” Morgana said and took his hand. “You’ve fought before. It’ll be fine.”
Merlin shook his head sadly. “Not like this. It was awful.”
“Talk to him,” Morgana urged, “I’m sure you’ll find a way…”
“I need to get away for a couple of days. Just to…think.”
Morgana nodded reluctantly. Merlin scooped her into a tight hug.
“You can still call me. Anytime,” he whispered.
She watched him go forlornly and settled in to wait for Arthur’s return. She wasn’t sure what she intended to do. She wanted to berate him, scold him, demand all the details from him and then make him call Merlin.
When Arthur came quietly through the front door that evening, shoulders drooping, he looked so haggard and haunted that all aggressive thoughts flew from her mind and she found herself rushing to him and wrapping her arms around him in a way she hadn’t done since they were children.
~
Lance was astonished to see Merlin’s number appear on his work phone on Monday morning. He quickly checked over his shoulder to make sure that no one was listening.
“Hello, Merlin,” he said striving for his usual bright tone, “Arthur is available, do you want to be put through?”
“No thank you, Lance,” came Merlin’s voice sounding very subdued. “I wanted to speak to you. I just…just wanted to say I hope I didn’t get you into any trouble the other day. Thursday, I mean.” As if he could have been referring to any other day.
“No,” Lance reassured, “No trouble at all. Nothing was said.”
“I’m glad. I’m sorry you had to witness any of it.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Thank you,” Merlin said politely.
“Merlin?”
“Yes?”
“I hope you two work this out,” Lance said. “You’re good for him. And, he’s good for you. Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.”
“Thank you, Lance. That means a lot. I hope we do, too.”
“I’ll speak to you soon.”
“Bye.”
~
Merlin resisted calling Morgana until a week afterwards, when he remembered that she’d had an appointment for a scan and he called her to ask her about it.
“It was cool. Everything’s fine,” she said quickly.
“Who went with you?”
“Oh, I went by myself.”
“What?!”
“I didn’t tell anyone,” she admitted sheepishly.
“Well, next time, you call me and I’ll go,” Merlin insisted.
“OK,” she said dismissively. “When are you coming home?”
“Morgana…”
“I’m worried about him, Merlin. He didn’t come home last night; I think he slept at the office. He never eats here either.”
“Morgana, I can’t…”
“I know Merlin.” She sighed. “I miss you.”
~
Will called him from a liner somewhere on the South Pacific just as Merlin was settling down for a restless night's sleep.
“I’m coming home.”
“What? No don’t do that,” Merlin spluttered.
“I want to be there.”
“No, don’t come home,” Merlin pleaded. “I don’t want to ruin your holiday…have you been speaking to my mother?”
“She’s like my mother, too, Merlin. And she’s worried about you.”
“I know.”
“Talk to her,” Will urged.
“I would, it’s just…” he sniffled and blinked furiously.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Will asked, tactfully pretending he was unaware of the imminent threat of tears but his tone was almost imperceptivity softer.
“Not really.”
“You hang on in there. It’ll all work out in the end. It usually does.”
~
After eight long days that Merlin felt like he had sleepwalked though, feeling nothing but an overwhelming, crushing, aching loss, he woke up knowing that some sort of resolution had to be reached.
He showered and dressed, trying to decide upon his next step; knowing what he wanted but not sure how to go about it.
His mobile rang. He didn’t recognise the number but he answered it anyway.
“Hello?”
“Merlin? It’s Lance.”
“Oh, hi, Lance, I didn’t recognise the number. What’s up?”
“Er…Merlin you need to come here.” Lance sounded worried.
“Where are you?”
“I’m at Community General Hospital…”
“What’s happened? Is it Morgana? The baby?”
“No. It’s Arthur.”
~
Merlin tore along the hospital corridors, trainers squeaking, heart thumping, vision blurry only just making Morgana out. He slid towards her and skidded to a stop, narrowly avoiding a collision with Lance who shot his hands out to steady him.
“What…what…happened?” He said, gasping deeply, a hand over his racing heart.
“He collapsed in his office just after he got in this morning and I couldn’t wake him so I called an ambulance,” Lance explained gently, as he guided Merlin into a chair next to Morgana. “The doctor’s just been to see us. Luckily he’s not too ill, yet.”
“What…what is it?”
“Chronic fatigue I think it’s officially called…basically he’s not been eating properly and he’s been overworking and that’s screwed his body up a bit. It can be treated easily with diet and a few changes to his working hours and he’ll make a full recovery.”
“Oh, thank god!” Merlin closed his eyes.
“But…” Lance sighed. “It won’t be easy and Arthur certainly isn’t making it any easier.”
“How?”
“He woke in the ambulance on the way here and…wasn’t very happy.”
“He threatened to neuter Lance with a fork,” Morgana interposed.
“He keeps insisting that he’s fine. And, unless he’s willing to change…” Lance let the sentence go unfinished. “Uther’s in with him now.” He nodded towards a closed door just beside Morgana’s chair.
Merlin absorbed all this information slowly, not least the sudden announcement of Uther’s presence. He’d barely seen Uther recently, despite living under his roof and he never failed to make Merlin a little uneasy.
He was even more alarmed, momentarily at least, when Uther swept out of the room a few minutes later shutting the door behind him with a grim look upon his face. Then his eyes alighted on Merlin, and he seemed to thaw slightly, albeit almost unnoticeably.
“Merlin,” he said, sounding relieved, “you’ve prevented him from being a prat before. Please…please try again.”
Merlin nodded shakily and stepped towards the door.
~
Arthur was lying in the hospital bed with his head turned away from the door. He appeared to be sleeping but Merlin knew from the rigid line of his body and the stubborn tilt of his head that he was feigning.
He moved softly towards the bed, hesitating just out of arms reach, unsure of what his reception would be, and paused to think about the best way of making Arthur respond to him.
He licked his dry lips nervously. “You are the biggest prat in the world.”
It worked. Arthur jerked upright, eyes flying open and resting on Merlin in wonder.
“Why are you here?” he asked as if he genuinely could not think of a reason.
Merlin didn’t even have to think to answer. “Because, I love you.”
Arthur made a curious noise. It could have been a hiccup, or a gasp, or possibly a smothered sob, but the joy and relief that flooded his face was unmistakeable. Merlin quickly crossed the small space left between them and flung himself into Arthur’s outstretched arms. Arthur shifted his legs, making room for Merlin to sit on the bed and they held each other without speaking for several minutes.
“I said some unforgivable things,” Arthur said as they parted. He grasped Merlin’s hands as if he were afraid he’d leave if Arthur let him go.
“We’ll talk about how much of a pillock you are another time,” Merlin said and Arthur laughed. Merlin joined him briefly before becoming solemn again. “I did some pretty silly things too.”
“With good intentions,” Arthur countered. “I wanted to call you but I was afraid…I thought you wanted to leave me forever.”
“I’d made up my mind this morning to come and find you,” Merlin said. “I wanted…I want us to fix this. I can’t live without you.”
Arthur moved a hand to cup Merlin’s face, his thumb stroking a cheekbone soothingly. “I’ve missed you so much.” He drew Merlin forwards and kissed him once, softly, on the lips.
Then Merlin’s eyes narrowed suddenly as he really took in the machines around the bed, and he gave Arthur a light but genuinely annoyed push on the shoulder. “You could have died!”
“I’m not…” Arthur began to protest.
“Arthur!” Merlin warned.
He looked so crestfallen that Merlin almost wanted to give in but he continued with a warning look until Arthur nodded once. “I just…I just wanted to take care of you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You always take care of everyone. Your mum, Will, Morgana…your job even makes you look after bugs and flowers and things. I just wanted to take care of you for a change. I work so much so we can have the life together that you deserve.”
“Oh, Arthur,” said Merlin bringing Arthur’s hand up to his lips and dropping a kiss onto the palm. “All I need is you. Everything else…well it’d be great but not without you. Not at this cost.” He indicated the hospital room. “And I like taking care of people.”
“But…” whispered Arthur, confused, “who will take care of you?”
“We’ll take care of each other.”
They slipped into each other’s arms easily, as if they’d never been apart: a comfort and a reminder that they should never be apart again.
Eventually Merlin drew back and spoke sternly. “Now, I’m going to let Lance in to see you and there will be no threatening to remove his manhood or anything for bringing you to the hospital, OK?”
Arthur agreed and Merlin went to the door, beckoning Lance into the room.
When Lance peeked around the door, Arthur called “it’s OK, Merlin’s hidden all the sharp implements.”
Lance had known Arthur long and well enough to know that meant I’m sorry so he replied, “well that’s a relief,” which meant it’s OK.
~
Two and a half months later
“That’s the last one,” Lance said as he heaved a box into the lounge and leant against the doorframe, puffing slightly. “I picked something else up for you guys on the way."
Merlin and Arthur looked up from the boxes they were rummaging through, as Gwen walked through the door.
“When did you get back?” Arthur asked as she skipped towards them and hugged them. “You should have said! I would have collected you from the station.”
“It’s OK, Lance picked me up,” Gwen said with a shy smile at Lance. Merlin saw the smile, and Lance’s tentative one in return, and furrowed his eyebrows in speculation.
“Well, I’ve put the kettle on,” Morgana said drifting in from the kitchen, “now that I’ve actually found it, so…Gwen!”
“Yes, it’s me. How are you doing?”
“Oh, fine,” Morgana said, dropping wearily into an armchair, a hand automatically resting on the neat swell of her stomach. “You?”
“It’s all done,” Gwen confirmed. She’d been finalising the sale of her father’s old house and packing up all of his things. “I’m moving back here.”
There was a short respectful silence, until Gwen said abruptly, “Now, let us celebrate your new house!”
The girls and Lance left in the early evening when most of the boxes had been unpacked. Arthur finished making up the bed and found Merlin balanced precariously on a chair in the lounge, hanging photos on the wall. He handed Merlin the last remaining picture and watched as Merlin reached, hanging it neatly from the hook.
Merlin turned and smiled down at Arthur. “We’re finally here,” he said in a soft, awed voice.
“I know,” Arthur replied in a similar tone, bringing his hands to rest on Merlin’s hips. Merlin leant forwards, putting his hands on Arthur’s shoulders and jumped lightly to the ground before winding his arms about his neck and kissing him.
“And what shall we do on our first night in our house?” Merlin whispered into Arthur’s ear.
Arthur’s hold about Merlin’s waist tightened as he considered. Then he smiled, his lips curving against Merlin’s hair. “We could always play Guitar Hero.”
Back to Part 1
Back to Part 2
~
For the next week and a half, Merlin and Arthur barely saw each other in daylight, except for a few snatched moments in the morning as Merlin slowly emerged from sleep and Arthur got dressed. As Arthur rarely made it home in time for dinner, each night Merlin diligently covered a plate of food and put it aside for him. Usually, he had to retrieve the forgotten plate from the microwave the next afternoon and throw the food away.
They managed to spend one Saturday together away from work, but it was not a joyous occasion. Accompanied by a saddened Morgana and a solemn Lance, they travelled across the country to support Gwen at her father’s funeral.
On their return, the couple fell into bed with frantic touches, needing to shake off the uneasy mournful shroud that had surrounded them, desperate to feel alive.
The next day Arthur went into work.
~
Merlin glared at the phone. “What do you mean you can’t get away?”
“I mean that I can’t get away.” Arthur put Merlin on speakerphone and began running around his office collecting together papers.
“But you promised!”
“I’m sorry, Merlin.”
“You don’t even work Sundays!”
“I’ve got a lot to catch up on. Can’t you take Will?”
“He’s in Fiji with Sophia.”
“Is he? He’s back with her then?”
“Yes.”
“Since when?”
“Since a couple of months.”
“Oh. In Fiji you say?”
“Yeah, they’re going on like a six month tour thing. I told you this last week.”
“Did you? I don’t remember.”
“I gathered that.”
“I’m sorry, Merlin. I’m just really tied up at the moment. I can’t ask Lance to come in and help out.”
“I know. It’s OK. It’s just I…I feel like we don’t really talk anymore and…”
“Oh shit, Merlin, I’ve got to run. Love you! Bye!”
Merlin looked sadly at his phone as the dial tone blared at him. He stared at it for quite a while, a plan forming slowly in his head. Then, with a deep breath, he resolutely dialled.
“Lance? I need your help…”
~
That Wednesday, Arthur came home from work at nine o clock and found Merlin, having eaten his solitary dinner, sprawled on the couch in the games room with a blanket over his legs watching Grand Designs on the large screen.
“You’re home!” he exclaimed when he looked up and saw Arthur in the doorway.
“Looks like it.” Arthur strolled over to the sofa and sank wearily onto it.
“Do you want some dinner?” Merlin asked. “I put some back for you.”
“Not just yet.” Arthur slipped an arm around Merlin’s waist and pulled him close. Merlin snuggled into him and they settled to watch the television together.
“It seems like ages since we last did this,” Arthur said as the adverts came on.
“It is ages,” Merlin said, lifting his head from Arthur’s shoulder to smile up at him.
Arthur gave a worried frown. “You do know I love you?”
Merlin snorted softly, sounding like a slightly less acerbic Morgana. “Prat.” He kissed Arthur’s nose affectionately.
Arthur wriggled, kicking off his shoes and turning so he had his back against the arm of the sofa and stretched his legs out over Merlin, who was lazily exploring his way along Arthur’s jaw line with his lips.
“Where’s Morgana?” Arthur muttered.
“At Gwen’s,” Merlin said before preventing Arthur from saying any more by kissing his lips.
Arthur murmured contentedly and curled a hand into Merlin’s hair to pull him closer. Merlin shifted onto his knees, as their kisses moved quickly from light to lingering and he pressed closer until Arthur was slinking down onto the sofa cushions with Merlin lying almost completely on top of him. He felt Arthur’s soft happy sigh against his lips, the gentle circling of Arthur’s fingers on his back as he unfastened Arthur’s tie and unhooked the top button of his shirt.
Merlin buried his face in Arthur’s neck; languidly teasing with little licks and nibbles. He heard Arthur’s breathing change tempo, but dismissed the distracting thought that something about it sounded incompatible, until he felt Arthur’s arms about his waist loosen.
He pushed himself up onto his knees and looked at Arthur lying on the couch, eyes closed, his breath falling quickly into the deep regular pattern of sleep, and frowned.
At first, he wanted to hit Arthur over the head, hard, with a cushion. Or possibly the lamp from the coffee table. But he watched, as sleep slowly erased the careworn lines that prematurely graced Arthur’s face, and his heart thumped painfully.
Reluctant to fall asleep alone in their cold bed again, Merlin switched off the TV and the lights before squeezing himself in the small space between Arthur and the back of the sofa. He pulled the abandoned blanket over them, wrapped an arm around his sleeping boyfriend and settled down for the night.
~
Merlin realised that sleeping on the sofa was a mistake when he woke up and his neck ached. He reached up and touched it, grimacing.
“Yeah, me too,” Arthur said grimly, watching him through half open eyes.
“Ow,” Merlin said, massaging his neck as he sat up.
“My back kills.” Arthur struggled into a sitting position and stretched, wincing. “Merlin, this house has thirteen bedrooms…why were we sleeping on the sofa?”
“You fell asleep,” Merlin explained sheepishly. “You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you…and I didn’t want to sleep without you.”
Arthur's face softened and he smiled at Merlin. Then he caught sight of a clock out of the corner of his eye. “Shit! Is that the time?” He jumped up, wincing again, “and I’ve got a meeting with a new client today…fuck…”
Arthur rushed around in a blur getting ready for work whilst Merlin made him a cup of coffee (slurped and then later found pretty much full and stone cold on the edge of the bath) and toast (one slice eaten whilst running to the car).
Despite his panic, Arthur ran out of the door on time, pausing only to grab the toast Merlin waved at him as he passed.
It wasn’t until ten minutes later that Merlin realised Arthur hadn’t given him his usual parting kiss.
~
Merlin smothered the urge to giggle uncontrollably as Lance showed him into a small room with the words ‘Conference Room B’ on the door. He actually felt a little nervous.
“Thanks for this, Lance,” he said.
“No problem,” Lance replied, good-natured as always, his impeccable manners preventing him from showing the slightest bit of curiosity. “Just wait in here, it won’t take long.”
Merlin thanked him and sat on the edge of the table as Lance shut the door behind him as he went out.
He knew Arthur was busy with work and he knew why, but he needed to see his boyfriend for more than five minutes before one or both of them had to leave, or fell asleep. Lance, accommodating as always, had been easily persuaded in arranging an appointment between Arthur and Merlin, posing as Mr. Emerson, a potential new client. It was a simple but ingenious plan, if a little desperate.
But he was desperate.
The door opened and Arthur came in looking a little flustered. “I apologise for the delay Mr - Merlin!” He almost jumped backwards, retracting the hand he’d extended. “What are you doing here? I was expecting a client, a Mr…”
“Emerson” interrupted Merlin, “I know.”
“What? How did you…what’s going on?” Arthur shut the door abruptly behind him. “Are there hidden cameras? Is this some kind of trick?” He began pacing the room, looking for spying equipment in the most absurd places, under the table, behind the projector, under a coffee cup.
“No…not really,” Merlin stuttered, his carefully rehearsed explanation vanishing from his memory.
“Not…” Arthur paused in his pacing and he stared at Merlin. “Did you set this up?”
“Yes,” Merlin squeaked.
Arthur’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Explain,” he demanded in a tight, cold voice.
“I know you're busy. I just wanted to see you, so I thought that we could…” Merlin trailed off miserably as he saw Arthur’s jaw grinding furiously.
“I see,” Arthur said in a low voice that sent unpleasant shivers up Merlin’s spine. “So you think I can just take time off like that? Just because my father is my boss doesn’t mean I can take time out to fuck you in a meeting room.”
“No, Arthur, it wasn’t meant to be like that,” Merlin said frantically. “I just wanted to see you…to talk…”
“We can talk at home,” Arthur ground out.
“But we don’t,” Merlin snapped. “We don’t talk, we don’t go out, we don’t visit my mum…we don’t do anything! Do you know when the last time we actually sat down for a proper meal together was?” He paused, but when it was evident Arthur was not going to answer he rushed along, “it was seventeen days ago. Seventeen! We live in the same house!”
“I’m sorry that I'm busy, Merlin, but that’s no reason to pull a stunt like this.”
“Arthur, I’m trying to explain why I had to,” Merlin said urgently. “All we do is work, sleep and have sex. And sometimes…” his throat constricted painfully, “sometimes I don’t really think it’s me you’re having sex with.”
“Of course it’s you!”
“I mean that sometimes I…I feel like I’m just a body and we’re just having sex for the sake of it.”
“Well, you never seem to complain about it at the time!” Arthur said, his voice rising angrily, “in fact I seem to recall you quite vocally stating the opposite.”
Merlin blushed furiously. “Arthur, don’t you see, that is our relationship right now? That’s it! We’re supposed to be buying a house together…we’re supposed to be getting furniture and decorating together and you’ve cancelled on me more times than I can count.”
“I’ve come shopping!”
“You gave me an hour!” Merlin shouted, “an hour in the bed store and you even managed to shoehorn sex into that! Arthur, there is something wrong and we need to fix this.”
“I can’t talk about this now, Merlin, I have work. We’ll talk about it when I get home.”
“But we won’t. We need to talk about it now. I’m here now and this needs to be sorted now. Whatever you’ve got to say, Arthur, just say it!” Merlin cried. “Say it! What is it, Arthur? What brilliant things are you going to say to make it all better…?”
“Enough, Merlin!” Arthur hissed in an icy voice. “That is enough! You’ve marched into my work; you’ve shouted your mouth off about our sex life, you’ve thrown all these accusations at me. I have colleagues just on the other side of that door. I have clients! You’ve humiliated me! You had no right…no right at all to do what you just did.”
“Oh god, Arthur!” Merlin reached for him. “I just…”
Arthur shook him off. “I have more important things to do than pick out fucking china patterns with you.”
Merlin froze for a full minute before he turned and ran from the room, pushing past Lance who had somehow cleared the corridor and was hovering nervously. He ran down the stairs, through the foyer and right outside, where he began to cry.
~
Morgana could hear a strange thudding noise as she unlocked the front door. She peered cautiously into the hall and saw Merlin bumping a suitcase down the stairs.
“What’s happened?” she said. “What’s going on?”
Merlin deposited his case at the foot of the stairs. “I’m just going to visit my mum for a few days.”
“Come off it, Merlin. What’s happened? Is it Arthur?”
“We had a huge fight.”
“Oh Merlin!” Morgana said and took his hand. “You’ve fought before. It’ll be fine.”
Merlin shook his head sadly. “Not like this. It was awful.”
“Talk to him,” Morgana urged, “I’m sure you’ll find a way…”
“I need to get away for a couple of days. Just to…think.”
Morgana nodded reluctantly. Merlin scooped her into a tight hug.
“You can still call me. Anytime,” he whispered.
She watched him go forlornly and settled in to wait for Arthur’s return. She wasn’t sure what she intended to do. She wanted to berate him, scold him, demand all the details from him and then make him call Merlin.
When Arthur came quietly through the front door that evening, shoulders drooping, he looked so haggard and haunted that all aggressive thoughts flew from her mind and she found herself rushing to him and wrapping her arms around him in a way she hadn’t done since they were children.
~
Lance was astonished to see Merlin’s number appear on his work phone on Monday morning. He quickly checked over his shoulder to make sure that no one was listening.
“Hello, Merlin,” he said striving for his usual bright tone, “Arthur is available, do you want to be put through?”
“No thank you, Lance,” came Merlin’s voice sounding very subdued. “I wanted to speak to you. I just…just wanted to say I hope I didn’t get you into any trouble the other day. Thursday, I mean.” As if he could have been referring to any other day.
“No,” Lance reassured, “No trouble at all. Nothing was said.”
“I’m glad. I’m sorry you had to witness any of it.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Thank you,” Merlin said politely.
“Merlin?”
“Yes?”
“I hope you two work this out,” Lance said. “You’re good for him. And, he’s good for you. Even if it doesn’t seem like it right now.”
“Thank you, Lance. That means a lot. I hope we do, too.”
“I’ll speak to you soon.”
“Bye.”
~
Merlin resisted calling Morgana until a week afterwards, when he remembered that she’d had an appointment for a scan and he called her to ask her about it.
“It was cool. Everything’s fine,” she said quickly.
“Who went with you?”
“Oh, I went by myself.”
“What?!”
“I didn’t tell anyone,” she admitted sheepishly.
“Well, next time, you call me and I’ll go,” Merlin insisted.
“OK,” she said dismissively. “When are you coming home?”
“Morgana…”
“I’m worried about him, Merlin. He didn’t come home last night; I think he slept at the office. He never eats here either.”
“Morgana, I can’t…”
“I know Merlin.” She sighed. “I miss you.”
~
Will called him from a liner somewhere on the South Pacific just as Merlin was settling down for a restless night's sleep.
“I’m coming home.”
“What? No don’t do that,” Merlin spluttered.
“I want to be there.”
“No, don’t come home,” Merlin pleaded. “I don’t want to ruin your holiday…have you been speaking to my mother?”
“She’s like my mother, too, Merlin. And she’s worried about you.”
“I know.”
“Talk to her,” Will urged.
“I would, it’s just…” he sniffled and blinked furiously.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Will asked, tactfully pretending he was unaware of the imminent threat of tears but his tone was almost imperceptivity softer.
“Not really.”
“You hang on in there. It’ll all work out in the end. It usually does.”
~
After eight long days that Merlin felt like he had sleepwalked though, feeling nothing but an overwhelming, crushing, aching loss, he woke up knowing that some sort of resolution had to be reached.
He showered and dressed, trying to decide upon his next step; knowing what he wanted but not sure how to go about it.
His mobile rang. He didn’t recognise the number but he answered it anyway.
“Hello?”
“Merlin? It’s Lance.”
“Oh, hi, Lance, I didn’t recognise the number. What’s up?”
“Er…Merlin you need to come here.” Lance sounded worried.
“Where are you?”
“I’m at Community General Hospital…”
“What’s happened? Is it Morgana? The baby?”
“No. It’s Arthur.”
~
Merlin tore along the hospital corridors, trainers squeaking, heart thumping, vision blurry only just making Morgana out. He slid towards her and skidded to a stop, narrowly avoiding a collision with Lance who shot his hands out to steady him.
“What…what…happened?” He said, gasping deeply, a hand over his racing heart.
“He collapsed in his office just after he got in this morning and I couldn’t wake him so I called an ambulance,” Lance explained gently, as he guided Merlin into a chair next to Morgana. “The doctor’s just been to see us. Luckily he’s not too ill, yet.”
“What…what is it?”
“Chronic fatigue I think it’s officially called…basically he’s not been eating properly and he’s been overworking and that’s screwed his body up a bit. It can be treated easily with diet and a few changes to his working hours and he’ll make a full recovery.”
“Oh, thank god!” Merlin closed his eyes.
“But…” Lance sighed. “It won’t be easy and Arthur certainly isn’t making it any easier.”
“How?”
“He woke in the ambulance on the way here and…wasn’t very happy.”
“He threatened to neuter Lance with a fork,” Morgana interposed.
“He keeps insisting that he’s fine. And, unless he’s willing to change…” Lance let the sentence go unfinished. “Uther’s in with him now.” He nodded towards a closed door just beside Morgana’s chair.
Merlin absorbed all this information slowly, not least the sudden announcement of Uther’s presence. He’d barely seen Uther recently, despite living under his roof and he never failed to make Merlin a little uneasy.
He was even more alarmed, momentarily at least, when Uther swept out of the room a few minutes later shutting the door behind him with a grim look upon his face. Then his eyes alighted on Merlin, and he seemed to thaw slightly, albeit almost unnoticeably.
“Merlin,” he said, sounding relieved, “you’ve prevented him from being a prat before. Please…please try again.”
Merlin nodded shakily and stepped towards the door.
~
Arthur was lying in the hospital bed with his head turned away from the door. He appeared to be sleeping but Merlin knew from the rigid line of his body and the stubborn tilt of his head that he was feigning.
He moved softly towards the bed, hesitating just out of arms reach, unsure of what his reception would be, and paused to think about the best way of making Arthur respond to him.
He licked his dry lips nervously. “You are the biggest prat in the world.”
It worked. Arthur jerked upright, eyes flying open and resting on Merlin in wonder.
“Why are you here?” he asked as if he genuinely could not think of a reason.
Merlin didn’t even have to think to answer. “Because, I love you.”
Arthur made a curious noise. It could have been a hiccup, or a gasp, or possibly a smothered sob, but the joy and relief that flooded his face was unmistakeable. Merlin quickly crossed the small space left between them and flung himself into Arthur’s outstretched arms. Arthur shifted his legs, making room for Merlin to sit on the bed and they held each other without speaking for several minutes.
“I said some unforgivable things,” Arthur said as they parted. He grasped Merlin’s hands as if he were afraid he’d leave if Arthur let him go.
“We’ll talk about how much of a pillock you are another time,” Merlin said and Arthur laughed. Merlin joined him briefly before becoming solemn again. “I did some pretty silly things too.”
“With good intentions,” Arthur countered. “I wanted to call you but I was afraid…I thought you wanted to leave me forever.”
“I’d made up my mind this morning to come and find you,” Merlin said. “I wanted…I want us to fix this. I can’t live without you.”
Arthur moved a hand to cup Merlin’s face, his thumb stroking a cheekbone soothingly. “I’ve missed you so much.” He drew Merlin forwards and kissed him once, softly, on the lips.
Then Merlin’s eyes narrowed suddenly as he really took in the machines around the bed, and he gave Arthur a light but genuinely annoyed push on the shoulder. “You could have died!”
“I’m not…” Arthur began to protest.
“Arthur!” Merlin warned.
He looked so crestfallen that Merlin almost wanted to give in but he continued with a warning look until Arthur nodded once. “I just…I just wanted to take care of you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You always take care of everyone. Your mum, Will, Morgana…your job even makes you look after bugs and flowers and things. I just wanted to take care of you for a change. I work so much so we can have the life together that you deserve.”
“Oh, Arthur,” said Merlin bringing Arthur’s hand up to his lips and dropping a kiss onto the palm. “All I need is you. Everything else…well it’d be great but not without you. Not at this cost.” He indicated the hospital room. “And I like taking care of people.”
“But…” whispered Arthur, confused, “who will take care of you?”
“We’ll take care of each other.”
They slipped into each other’s arms easily, as if they’d never been apart: a comfort and a reminder that they should never be apart again.
Eventually Merlin drew back and spoke sternly. “Now, I’m going to let Lance in to see you and there will be no threatening to remove his manhood or anything for bringing you to the hospital, OK?”
Arthur agreed and Merlin went to the door, beckoning Lance into the room.
When Lance peeked around the door, Arthur called “it’s OK, Merlin’s hidden all the sharp implements.”
Lance had known Arthur long and well enough to know that meant I’m sorry so he replied, “well that’s a relief,” which meant it’s OK.
~
Two and a half months later
“That’s the last one,” Lance said as he heaved a box into the lounge and leant against the doorframe, puffing slightly. “I picked something else up for you guys on the way."
Merlin and Arthur looked up from the boxes they were rummaging through, as Gwen walked through the door.
“When did you get back?” Arthur asked as she skipped towards them and hugged them. “You should have said! I would have collected you from the station.”
“It’s OK, Lance picked me up,” Gwen said with a shy smile at Lance. Merlin saw the smile, and Lance’s tentative one in return, and furrowed his eyebrows in speculation.
“Well, I’ve put the kettle on,” Morgana said drifting in from the kitchen, “now that I’ve actually found it, so…Gwen!”
“Yes, it’s me. How are you doing?”
“Oh, fine,” Morgana said, dropping wearily into an armchair, a hand automatically resting on the neat swell of her stomach. “You?”
“It’s all done,” Gwen confirmed. She’d been finalising the sale of her father’s old house and packing up all of his things. “I’m moving back here.”
There was a short respectful silence, until Gwen said abruptly, “Now, let us celebrate your new house!”
The girls and Lance left in the early evening when most of the boxes had been unpacked. Arthur finished making up the bed and found Merlin balanced precariously on a chair in the lounge, hanging photos on the wall. He handed Merlin the last remaining picture and watched as Merlin reached, hanging it neatly from the hook.
Merlin turned and smiled down at Arthur. “We’re finally here,” he said in a soft, awed voice.
“I know,” Arthur replied in a similar tone, bringing his hands to rest on Merlin’s hips. Merlin leant forwards, putting his hands on Arthur’s shoulders and jumped lightly to the ground before winding his arms about his neck and kissing him.
“And what shall we do on our first night in our house?” Merlin whispered into Arthur’s ear.
Arthur’s hold about Merlin’s waist tightened as he considered. Then he smiled, his lips curving against Merlin’s hair. “We could always play Guitar Hero.”