musesandlyrics | 9.8. Basic quote
9.8. “If you lose enough in life what you are is a loser.”
Basic
Co-written with gr8muppetyodin
It was not a date. It couldn't possibly be. Whatever had happened, it was just old friends catching up and getting caught up in the moment. But one still had to eat getting caught up in the moment, right? It's what had Riley suggesting they grab a quick dinner at a nice little restaurant a short walk from his home. It was quite an expensive choice, but it was an indulgence. Riley liked the food here, but he had only managed to get here a couple of times since he bought his Paris apartment. It seemed like as good a time as any to enjoy the cuisine again. Considering it was the first time he had any sort of sex since his divorce, he had managed to work up quite the appetite and a growling stomach was less than attractive.
He hadn't expected Buffy to agree to come. In fact, he expected her to leave and go back to Blaise Richelieu. It wouldn't be long until she got that urge, surely. Hell, if Riley batted for both teams, he would probably be crushing on the guy, too. He had this... presence about him. Drew people in. And as much as it pained Riley to admit, Buffy was just susceptible to those sorts of people. For a little while there, it had been the bane of his existence. It hurt his heart more than he thought capable. But he knew he was pretty screwed up around that time anyway. Coming off being drugged for years, losing the security blanket of The Initiative. It's why he didn't really lay blame anywhere in particuarly, it just would forever linger in his heart that Buffy never really would love him in return.
Placing an order for both of them in French, along with a bottle of wine, even if Buffy might not want it anyway, Riley looked back at her across the table, flashing her a smile. "Are you sure there is nowhere else you need to be? I've swallowed up a lot of your tourist time as it is."
Buffy tried not to fidget in her seat or feel like everyone was looking at her. Now she knew there was a reason she should have listened to the voice that told her to put on something more than a t-shirt and sweatpants. She was amazed the hostess even let them in, but she figured it had more to do with Riley's dimples and good looks than Buffy. In fact, she was pretty sure the woman hadn't even noticed he'd had company. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of Riley's and gave a shake of her head. "Rory'll be okay. He'll just probably do whatever a homesick Scotsman does when he's been left alone with a horrible hangover. Whinge to 'nay one' in particular, or maybe go crying to his brunette beauty. I'm sure she'd kiss it better. Alternatively he could have been fucking the maid since I left anyway. I doubt he's missing me." Buffy looked back down at the menu as she tucked her now once again freshly shagged hair behind her ear. They really had been caught up in the moment, but Buffy wasn't sure she'd change it. Being with Riley was definitely different to being with Rory. It had been nice. More than nice. "I have all the time in the world right now, Riley. Don't worry about being a time hog."
Riley smirked and then couldn't help but laugh. "Doesn't sound like he is lacking in options there. I take it he's a bit of a spitfire, then? Don't answer that. I know the types you're drawn to. I can also read between the lines here. He's a friend with benefits, right? Or there technically wouldn't be a comment about him needing to miss you." His hand hovered over his cutlery for a moment before he pulled the napkin out from under it to give him something to do with his hands while they waited for their drinks to come. "Yeah, it's just... um... I didn't actually intend for that to happen. Back there, at my place," he admitted. He really hadn't. In fact, he had been telling himself that unlike last time, even though they were both technically single, there was no point trying to let history repeat. "Maybe we just needed to get it out of our systems."
"Well, we got it out of our systems. Twice. Three times if you count that thing you did with your tongue. Which, I mean... wow. Where did you even learn that?" Buffy asked with a grin as her cheeks flushed just at the memory. They already had water on the table and she reached for the glass to take a small sip. "Hey, don't presume to know. I told you we did the bickering thing. Sometimes it really does feel like we're an old married couple. You were right when you said we must be similar. I think we are, but there's also ways in which we just clash and think differently. The benefits are just... convenient. He's also only here because I dragged him. I made him drive me. He had a wife and kid, but lost them. That's how he became a Hunter. Now I think he's just... lonely. But he won't ever say that. He still has this massive yen to be a father again, too."
"That's gotta be a tough break," Riley agreed. "I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child, let alone lose one. Lose a wife. Poor guy. No wonder he's got a lot to complain about. Life must seem a whole lot more tainted now. Lost its shine." He threw her a mischievous look over the table. "What, you think I just stopped having sex when we broke up? A guy has needs, you know."
"What a small world Paris really is."
The voice almost had Riley jumping out of his seat in shock. It was probably a miracle he didn't wet himself just because it was the last thing he expected to occur. His eyes snapped up and he found the one and only Blaise Richelieu standing there looking every bit as powerful in his head-to-toe black tailored suit as he definitely was. He really had no choice but to stand up and hold his hand out to the man. "Blaise," he greeted him with a smile. "It's been awhile. How was Scotland? I hear your trip got prolonged." He was starkly and painfully aware Buffy was sitting here watching this exchange, the only thing was, even as Blaise shook his hand, those intense blue eyes were locked on Buffy, his face completely unreadable.
"Sergeant Finn. Bonjour, mon ami. Indeed, the trip lingered a lot longer than I ever anticipated..." Blaise replied, even if he was still watching Buffy. Strange, that he had all but regained his strength in a very short spanse of time. He had ignored Juliette's looks and left their home to finally make it into his city for business. Of course, sometimes fate just stepped in.
Buffy had sucked in a breath at the appearance of Blaise. He was up and out of his sickbed. In fact, if she hadn't seen it for herself she never would have believed that he had been sick. She didn't know how to take the exchange between him and Riley either. Riley knew a little about her attraction for the Kindred prince. But he didn't know exactly what had gone down. He'd also made comments about her belonging to the Frenchman, but he was wrong. Even if those blue eyes threatened to have her drawn back into his hold. She stayed in her seat though, and kept her hands on her water glass. "Hello, Blaise," she finally got out after a moment of feeling her heart somewhere up in her throat.
Blaise gave a small bow in response to her greeting. "Mademoiselle Summers," he greeted her formally in return and then released Riley's hand. "And there I was thinking you had perhaps gotten lost in our fine city. I see, however, that you are in more than capable hands." Something sharp was edging his tone. How could it not? He was Kindred, and his senses were piqued. He could sense what was going on here, what had gone on before here. In fact, it wasn't just Riley Finn he was sensing on her, and it was fortunate he was feeling well again, because the anger that surged up inside stayed contained, save for a slight flash in his eyes. But he turned and offered Riley a hint of a smile. "You must show Mademoiselle Summers the sights, homme. She seems intent on experiencing them."
"Nothing worth seeing that she can't find in a good tourist guide, right?" Riley joked and then cleared his throat as he gestured to their table. "Why don't you join us?"
Buffy hadn't missed the flash in Blaise's eyes. She didn't even know where to begin to process it. A flash meant anger, right? Or hunger. But he didn't like her blood, and she was making the rude assumption that Riley had never been in true love. Maybe it was just someone else in the restaurant. Then she also remembered the fact that vampires always did have a keen sense of smell and she just wanted to have the ground beneath her open up and swallow her whole. Buffy cleared her throat quietly before she gave both men a tight smile. "Riley's an old friend. Boyfriend. Ex. From the crater formerly known as Sunnydale. He, ah... He was the teaching aide in my psychology class." She had no idea if Blaise knew about the Initiative, so she kept her mouth shut. Just like she didn't make any comments about Blaise being sick since she assumed Riley wouldn't know about that. "At least join us for a drink."
"As highly appealing as a drink sounds," Blaise began, turning his eyes intently to Riley, looking over him closely, "I must decline the generous offer. I have a business dinner that my absence will not let me put off any longer. I simply could not intrude on such an intimate occasion, either. The fine cuisine must be enjoyed in pleasured company." Once again, he was piercing Riley with an intent look, only to glance away at Buffy with his own tight smile. "Mademoiselle Summers, Sergeant Finn. Bon appetit," he added with another small, polite bow and then was walking away, a couple of men in suits following close behind him.
Riley put a hand up and scratched at the back of his neck, feeling more than awkward. For some reason, it had felt like the rest of the restaurant's patrons had fallen silent as soon as Blaise had shown up, and now again like the record was suddenly switched back. He sat back down hesitantly and picked up his water glass to take a sip. "Well... probably a fortunate thing you don't have anything going with him, right? Because he's well pissed at you. It doesn't take a genius to see that." He realised at this juncture that he had been more than lax with the details surrounding how and why he knew Blaise. "Small world, huh?"
"Catastrophically small," Buffy muttered as she watched after Blaise and tried not to feel like she'd messed up. Again. But there was no talk of exclusivity. There never would be. And maybe she'd fallen into some gigantically slutty ways by first sleeping with Rory, and then Riley, but she hadn't planned on seeing Riley. It had been an accident. She also wasn't sure why Blaise would be pissed when he'd stressed the whole friends thing. Friends that made out, maybe. He hadn't said yet that he was ready to risk his heart for her. He just kept asking her to tell him why he should. Now Buffy didn't know. She also wasn't sure that running after him and rambling an apology would do any good. Especially not at some fancy business dinner. With her still dressed like she was going to go for a jog. She wanted to face-palm in the biggest way but instead just slumped back in her chair and glanced across the table at Riley. "He's harder to read than Tolstoy. Sometimes I feel like I need a translator for the silences. I don't even know why he's pissed. But just so we're clear, I don't regret what happened. It was a surprise, and it was just going with the moment, but it was nice. It was you. There's been things I've regretted with you, but not today. I just wish I knew why I always feel like a naughty schoolgirl when Blaise looks at me. And not in the porno way."
Riley could see the waitress over at the bar placing their bottle of wine on a silver try with two glasses. "Interesting what you said earlier about true love authorities. One would almost think you were indicating that you had never felt it..." he commented lightly and let it hang between them for a few moments as he watched her slump back in the seat. It was a piece of information he had absorbed at the time, but really tried not to let bother him. He knew Buffy never truly loved him, but maybe he had always hoped deep down that he was wrong. "The fact you're having dinner with another guy without his knowledge could be a start on the pissed. Or the fact you seem to have gone off without letting him know where you were. That's another thing that could piss a guy off. It used to with me when you did it, I know that for certain. I always thought you were... you know, dead, or in the process of it. Again. Strange, though. Because he's really your type, isn't he?" His face was a lot more serious now, and lightness was gone out of his tone. So much could be behind that comment.. and so much was. But then the waitress was there, standing beside them and Riley looked up at her with a forced, polite smile.
The waitress had considered giving the two a moment, but it looked like there might never be a good moment. That was part of the trouble with hospitality. You got in trouble for being late with an order when you might have just been trying to give a couple their privacy, and you got in trouble for interrupting trying to make sure the order was on time. It was no win. And just when she was getting ready to pour Riley's wine for him to taste, her grip faltered and she wound up pouring it straight into his lap. "Mon dieu! Je suis désolé, monsieur."
Buffy leaned forward as soon as the spill happened, the interruption saving her from answering Riley for the moment. Her body tensed as her Slayer senses kicked in She couldn't help it. Even if it had been a simple accident she was now on red alert. When the waitress went to start trying to mop up Riley's lap, Buffy was out of her seat with a napkin. "You know what? I got this. Merci. You can stay out of his lap."
Riley had been stuck on the whole Buffy/Blaise thing and what it was supposed to potentially mean, that the drink in his lap took him by complete and utter surprise, and he actually squeaked in surprise. Typical, after contemplating the whole list of white wines, he actually ended up choosing red for some reason. Now he suddenly had two chicks fighting over wiping his lap down. It was a good thing he was as embarrassed as all hell. Embarrassment would stop certain other parts of his body reacting with way worse than a squeak. "Hey, hey... it's okay," he told them both, grabbing his own napkin to start wiping up the mess. He looked up at the flustered waitress and gave her a smile. "It's fine. I promise. I've had far worse than wine spilt on me. You don't have to worry about it, okay? Ne t’en fais pas." he assured her.
The waitress had backed off the moment Buffy had stepped in, assuming she was the girlfriend. She held the wine bottle tightly as she just watched helplessly. Of course it had to be red wine. She just wanted to run back into the kitchen and hide, but she still had to face her customers. There was just no escape. Even if it would be easier to run away. "So sorry... I didn't mean to," she replied in accented English. "It's been a long day. I'll, erm, pour your drinks..." she trailed off as she just tried to work quietly and without spilling a drop. She smiled nervously as she just left the bottle on the table. "Let me know when you're ready to order your meal, oui?"
Buffy took her seat again, even if she was biting her lip and watching Riley. She couldn't help it. She was suddenly feeling incredibly territorial over Riley's lap. She was allowed to be when she'd been the one enjoying it mere hours ago. She gave the waitress another look of warning but her gaze drifted as it caught Blaise's from across the restaurant. A shiver ran down her spine and caused her skin to prickle as she sucked in a breath. Why did he have to be here tonight? And why did he have to come to their table, say something? She had no idea what was happening between her and Riley, or if anything should. Maybe the sex really had been something to get out of their systems. She reached for the freshly filled wine glass without thinking twice and took a large sip. "Are you ready, Riley?"
Riley, however, was watching the waitress walk away. He hadn't noticed Buffy looking at Blaise, and only caught his attention again when she spoke. "Hm?" he replied, distractedly, hoping the waitress didn't get too embarrased when she realised Riley had already placed their order a little earlier. He blinked and looked back to Buffy. "Ready for what?" he asked, still patting absentmindedly at his lap with the napkin.
"Ready for me to toss my glass of water into your lap. I'll claim it's to help you get the stain out, but really it'll be to try and get you to roll your tongue back into your mouth." Buffy wasn't blind. The waitress had been gorgeous and tall and all with the tasteful cleavage. Not to mention French. What was it with the French? They just seemed to automatically make any normal person lose it and suddenly act like a lust-struck teenager. "You really wanted her to wipe your lap, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did, considering it was full of red wine," Riley said back and shot Buffy a Look in response. "It's not like you can talk, drooling all over Blaise like you're ready to go after him and strip him naked in the middle of the restaurant. Even if I know it would be a stupid move to draw attention to yourself like that. Are you... you're jealous," he realised, blinking again in surprise this time.
Buffy sat back in her seat to fold her arms defensively under her chest as she shot him a Look to match his. Then she just crinkled her nose. "Of course I am! How can I not be? Aren't you jealous of Blaise? I'm not a total cold-hearted bitch. Just so you know. I loved you, Riley. Care about you still... Maybe I didn't love you enough, but I still loved you. Besides, we just had killer sex and you're wanting your lap wiped down by some random waitress with the long legs, and swishy hair? Of course I'm jealous! I thought... I don't know what I thought. I'm confused as all hell right now."
"You let me go! Why should I be jealous?" Riley threw back petulantly. He couldn't help it. "You can't have your cake and eat it too. I'm not doing this again, Buffy. The only difference here is that this time, it's not Angel, it's him." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder in Blaise's general direction. "Either way, you're still trying to use me as the simple, normal country boy to convince yourself you want the easy life, and you know what? Screw it. I hated it the first time and I'm thinking the rollercoaster isn't going to be anymore fun this time. It's alright for you to be drooling over another guy, but it's not alright for me to appreciate when a girl looks good? I... don't even know what to say to that."
"I don't mean it like that, but... I wasn't drooling. Okay? I wasn't! I was just staring at him. There was no drooling. I was too nervous, too scared. Too confused. I'm not trying to use you as anything. I just... I'm happy to see you. Happy to be with you. I'm enjoying this time with you." Buffy ran her fingers through her hair and sighed as she made an effort not to look at Blaise again. "I'm over the drooling. He might be pissed, but he doesn't have any right to know what I'm doing yet. You got pissed because I was with you at the time I was disappearing. So I get that. But this? With him? There isn't any right to be pissed. I'm not accountable to him just because it's his city."
Riley just stared at her, and then with a laugh of disbelief, shook his head. "You really can be such a selfish bitch when you want to be," he told her bluntly. He put the soiled napkin onto the table, not caring if it would let the wine seep into the perfect white tablecloth. "Are you seriously going to sit there and try to tell me that you came to Paris to just see the Eiffel Tower? Bullshit, Buffy. Xander told me otherwise. You might think the guy is lacking some sort of entitlement over you, then okay. What are you? A prick teaser? You came here to tell him to go fuck himself and nothing more?" He shook his head again. "You come to see him and then go out and sleep with two other guys? Okay, whatever. He's not entitled to anything of you at all. It's always Buffy calling the shots."
Buffy felt like sinking a little lower in her chair, but she managed to stay upright as Riley laid into her. And really, was he that wrong? She had gone and slept with two other guys when she'd come here to see Blaise. But Riley wasn't something she wanted to apologise for. The moment had felt right and they'd taken it. The night before with Rory had just been needing to work the frustration out. Now it was several hours later and Buffy did have time to start regretting the drunken encounter just a little bit. Although maybe she only regretted it because she had been caught out. Blaise caught her out, and now she had to suffer the consequences. "No, I came to check if he was okay. He... he fed on me, but because of the true love thing he rejected my blood. It made him sick, and I just wanted to see if he was okay. He claimed me, only he wasn't claiming me. He really did make that part clear."
Riley tried not to wince, but he did. Just hearing that Blaise had rejected her blood came like a firm boot in the nuts to him and it almost felt physical. He fell quiet, looking at the red wine in his glass near his hand, unable to meet her gaze for the moment. It was confirmation he had wanted to be deluded about, and again, he wondered what was so damn bad about him that she couldn't fall in love with. "Nice..." he finally replied quietly. "Still, even if he hasn't let you close enough yet, that doesn't mean you should be fucking around on him. Or that you don't owe him anything. I would think a bit of respect wouldn't actually hurt you to give him."
"It's not like I expected to see you," Buffy murmured as her gaze dropped to her glass. "Maybe that's no excuse for a lack of respect towards him, but everything's just been tipped upside down. And I guess I am being selfish. I just... I'm sorry. I'm sorry Blaise proved me and you wrong. I'm sorry I didn't handle any of this well, and I'm sorry. I'm just sorry." Buffy pressed her lips together as she felt a lump grow, and tears prick the backs of her eyes. She just wanted to know when everything had decided to take a turn for the worse. "Maybe I should... You don't need to have dinner with me."
Riley was pissed off at the whole turn of the conversation. She had nothing to be playing the victim for here. He sighed and looked over at Blaise with his business group, and absent-mindedly came to put his hand up to his throat, slightly brushing his fingers along the side of his neck. There was a gorgeous blonde standing beside Blaise, and he had taken her hand to kiss the back of it, smiling. Any other guy, and Riley would think he was trying to make Buffy jealous. It wasn't the case, though. He had admirers, plain and simple. People wanted to be in his presence, it just wasn't a luxury he afforded very often. "Just... stop it," he finally said, turning back to Buffy. "Stop apologising. Take account for your actions, for god's sake. This is what you do. You like a bit of monster in your man..." He shook his head again, feeling drained with the situation all of a sudden, just like he had the whole time towards the end of their relationship. Spike had been right when he said that to Riley that day, and even though Riley wanted to thump the guy for it, he knew the vampire had been right. He would never be what she wanted, he was just a convenient gapfiller when said monsters weren't playing to her tune. To think, for a split second there, back at his apartment, he had actually been stupidly indulging himself in wondering if maybe they could have a second chance, that maybe running into each other accidentally might mean something. "Maybe you should just go back to Scotland, Buffy. Obviously Paris doesn't have what you really, deep down, want. Maybe Angel really is the only one you'll ever be prepared to fight for when you aren't out saving the world. I'm sure your Scotsman will happily give you a lift."
"I don't want Angel. I'm not his anymore. I think he was just familiar and comfortable. We always found a rhythm to fall into. That wasn't true love either. Apparently he'll never be capable of really loving me. Ironic, huh?" Buffy spared a glance at Blaise and his entourage before she got up and set down her napkin on the table. "I'm not going back to Scotland yet, as much as Rory will hate me for it. But he's also a big boy and he can always just drive himself back. I'll find my own way... home." Her voice caught on the word when she realised for a second time that she still wasn't sure where home was. "I'm staying at the Hotel Brittany if you want to find me again. I do miss you, Riley. And not because you were ever some sort of substitute. I'll take account for my actions if you just stop and realise that you still mean something to me." Her green eyes stopped on where his hand had gone, and then she looked at Blaise again. There was no scar on Riley's neck which would mean Kindred had fed on him, and now she was starting to wonder if it had been the Kindred elephant in the room. "So he liked your blood. That's nice. Also fuel for a couple of fantasies, but I think this is the wrong time to bring those up."
Riley took his wallet from his pocket as he stood too. He threw enough cash onto the table to cover everything they had ordered and a generous tip for the waitress so she wouldn't continue to feel like an idiot for the wine accident. In fact, as he was placing the money down, he caught her gaze across the restaurant from where she was pouring wine at Blaise's table and offered her a faint smile before he turned back to Buffy. "This isn't a place for a conversation like this," he told her quietly and then headed for the door, indicating she should follow him. It wasn't beyond him that Blaise was watching them leave. And thank god he was. The last thing he needed to sit through was being in the presence of Buffy, whom he had apparently recently claimed, having dinner with another man. He really wanted to call her an idiot for being so thick and not seeing what Blaise was laying in the line for her. Kindred Prince claiming a fucking Slayer, for God's sake. But he wasn't going to spoon feed her.
Once he was outside, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and turned to her on the sidewalk. "You need to decide what the hell you want, Buffy. You've been going through the Scot, you've had me... again... and are standing here telling me you miss me when you didn't even miss me when we were in a relationship, and you have him. Vampire royalty. Someone who knows this place better than any living, breathing human could only dream of. You know Henry the Eighth? Dude who liked chopping his wives heads off in England? Really old King of England? Yeah, Blaise's brother was betrothed to his daughter. Stop and think about the enormity of that for just a minute. It doesn't take a genius for me to deduce that you have probably had your hand on all our cocks in a twenty four hour time span. Perhaps you should think about the enormity of that, too, and wonder why the hell I'm pissed off. Yesterday, I was over the moon to see you and run into you, and stupidly let myself think that maybe it could mean something." When he stopped, he just shook his head and then looked down at his boots with a small sigh, biting down on his lip when the past feelings just kept trying to force their way to the forefront.
Buffy wrapped her arms tightly around her middle as she stood there staring at Riley. She'd been over the moon, too. Of course she had. She also just hated that he could think so little of her, but she'd ripped his heart out, stomped on it and now was trying to argue that she'd actually wanted to take care of it. Of course he was pissed off at her. And he was also right about the twenty-four hour time span. Something Buffy didn't even begin to know how to justify. Not really. Anything she'd thought had been a good reason she was now doubting, and hating herself for. She turned away from him as she bit down on her lip. She didn't even have anywhere to run to. She didn't know Paris, Edinburgh seemed like too much of a distance and even then she didn't want to be trying to deal with her thoughts in a castle full of Slayerettes and under the gaze of Giles, Xander, Willow, and Faith. She had to also wonder what the hell Giles would make of this if he even knew. "A lot of time has passed since then, Riley," she started quietly. "We've both changed. I've had a lot of time to think about what I did wrong... All the what ifs. And I can't help but want you. It's you. I don't know how else to explain it. And Blaise is Blaise and I don't even know how to start explaining that, or understanding it. I'm scared. Rory was convenient and I owe him an apology, and I'm not going to be indulging in benefits with him anymore."
"Really, Buffy? Because I'm not sure I'm buying that you've changed at all," Riley threw back in exasperation. "It's me. Like an old pair of slippers, who did nothing but want to be there for you and take care of you, but you didn't damn well want me to! No one changes that much, Buffy. Blaise is Blaise..." He broke off and literally laughed at this, shaking his head. "Oh boy, if you don't intend on getting the hell out of Paris promptly with a comment like that, then I would be changing my mind pretty quick smart. All those people he was with? The other suits? They were watching you, Buffy. You had his attention and one hundred percent guaranteed, they want to know why the hell you did. You want something with me? Seriously? Then go back in there and tell him to his face that you want nothing from him. Because he's my friend, Buffy. I might have let you screw me over, but I'm not letting you mess with him because of me. I like my life and I like my job. I'm not putting both on the line for you. Been there, done that, walked away with the scars."
"Of course I wanted you to! But letting you was different. I didn't know how to let you. Not then. And now?" Buffy threw up her hands as she started to pace restlessly. "I'm better at letting someone take care of me. I know I am. I'm just apparently not better at expressing myself. Blaise is Blaise. I don't mean that as a derogatory thing. He's dark, mysterious, Kindred," she whispered. "He's powerful, he's royalty. He's the son of a French king! He bought me diamonds, and he threw up my blood! He claimed me to rid me of the hold Angel had on me, and now he's in there with suits that will want to know who I am, and I don't know who I am! Okay? I don't. I don't know who I am to him, I don't know who I am to anyone. Even me. I know you might think that's bullshit, but it's the truth. I closed the Hellmouth in Sunnydale. I created a whole bunch of Slayers. Now what?"
If Riley didn't know he had some sort of idiot streak in him, he would wonder if he was possessed. But nope, probably just completely stupid. Before he could stop himself, he was grabbing her and kissed her roughly, deeply, almost to the point he nearly knocked them both off their feet. It was ridiculous, and it was never going to feel 100% right, not after everything. In fact, after letting it continue just long enough to make him feel like he was about to explode, he pulled away and put a hand up to his mouth. "Fuck!" he cursed, shaking his head. That wasn't the answer. It was more getting caught up in the moment, and all that did was make his chest hurt. Maybe even part of him did it just to shut her up because it hurt him so much for her to always confuse him like hell. And frustrate him. "He's your type, Buffy! I never have been!" he cried and pushed his fingers through his hair. "Look... okay... you said you're staying in a hotel? You'll end up broke. I've got a spare room. You can stay there if you want. I'm hardly ever home. You can bring the Scot dude if you want, too. I don't even know why I am saying this, but I feel like I should say something that doesn't revolve around our past because it really feels like my brain is about to explode right now. At least, for once, it's not my heart feeling like that."
Buffy could feel the tears start to roll down her cheeks as she got just as angry and frustrated. Only there was no letting it out, especially not on the street. She remembered when her mom had been in surgery to remove her brain tumour and the special night that Riley had arranged for them. A night where he was trying to tell her how proud he was that she'd stayed strong. But she hadn't. She'd broken down and it hadn't been with him. Not like it should have been. She had never taken comfort from Riley during that time, and she'd paid the price. Now there was no hiding it, no escaping the tears. "I can't let you do that. I'm already getting you all riled up. This isn't... It's not healthy. Maybe I should just go back to Edinburgh and stay away from you, from Blaise."
Riley literally lost his wind at that and his shoulders slumped as he just looked at her. With a small shake of his head, he just held his hand up in some sort of small surrender. "Okay... okay." He took a step back. "Whatever you want, Buffy. Whatever the hell you want." He turned, dropping his hands to his sides, and started to walk away from her. He had been through all this, he had done it all back in Sunnydale. He had no energy left for it. He did his fighting for her and being there for her. He didn't want to go through that all over again.
Buffy frowned as she looked from a retreating Riley, to the restaurant and back again. Staying with him would at least afford her more time in Paris. More time to work out how to talk to Blaise. She just wasn't ready for it to be tonight. Not when the Prince had an important work dinner. She made a mental note to try and send him a message to request a meet when it was convenient. And then she turned to jog after Riley. This time she was going to catch him before there was any chance for choppers to be involved. She was just going to stay strong so no more moments were rolled with.
Word Count | 6,453
Basic
Co-written with gr8muppetyodin
It was not a date. It couldn't possibly be. Whatever had happened, it was just old friends catching up and getting caught up in the moment. But one still had to eat getting caught up in the moment, right? It's what had Riley suggesting they grab a quick dinner at a nice little restaurant a short walk from his home. It was quite an expensive choice, but it was an indulgence. Riley liked the food here, but he had only managed to get here a couple of times since he bought his Paris apartment. It seemed like as good a time as any to enjoy the cuisine again. Considering it was the first time he had any sort of sex since his divorce, he had managed to work up quite the appetite and a growling stomach was less than attractive.
He hadn't expected Buffy to agree to come. In fact, he expected her to leave and go back to Blaise Richelieu. It wouldn't be long until she got that urge, surely. Hell, if Riley batted for both teams, he would probably be crushing on the guy, too. He had this... presence about him. Drew people in. And as much as it pained Riley to admit, Buffy was just susceptible to those sorts of people. For a little while there, it had been the bane of his existence. It hurt his heart more than he thought capable. But he knew he was pretty screwed up around that time anyway. Coming off being drugged for years, losing the security blanket of The Initiative. It's why he didn't really lay blame anywhere in particuarly, it just would forever linger in his heart that Buffy never really would love him in return.
Placing an order for both of them in French, along with a bottle of wine, even if Buffy might not want it anyway, Riley looked back at her across the table, flashing her a smile. "Are you sure there is nowhere else you need to be? I've swallowed up a lot of your tourist time as it is."
Buffy tried not to fidget in her seat or feel like everyone was looking at her. Now she knew there was a reason she should have listened to the voice that told her to put on something more than a t-shirt and sweatpants. She was amazed the hostess even let them in, but she figured it had more to do with Riley's dimples and good looks than Buffy. In fact, she was pretty sure the woman hadn't even noticed he'd had company. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of Riley's and gave a shake of her head. "Rory'll be okay. He'll just probably do whatever a homesick Scotsman does when he's been left alone with a horrible hangover. Whinge to 'nay one' in particular, or maybe go crying to his brunette beauty. I'm sure she'd kiss it better. Alternatively he could have been fucking the maid since I left anyway. I doubt he's missing me." Buffy looked back down at the menu as she tucked her now once again freshly shagged hair behind her ear. They really had been caught up in the moment, but Buffy wasn't sure she'd change it. Being with Riley was definitely different to being with Rory. It had been nice. More than nice. "I have all the time in the world right now, Riley. Don't worry about being a time hog."
Riley smirked and then couldn't help but laugh. "Doesn't sound like he is lacking in options there. I take it he's a bit of a spitfire, then? Don't answer that. I know the types you're drawn to. I can also read between the lines here. He's a friend with benefits, right? Or there technically wouldn't be a comment about him needing to miss you." His hand hovered over his cutlery for a moment before he pulled the napkin out from under it to give him something to do with his hands while they waited for their drinks to come. "Yeah, it's just... um... I didn't actually intend for that to happen. Back there, at my place," he admitted. He really hadn't. In fact, he had been telling himself that unlike last time, even though they were both technically single, there was no point trying to let history repeat. "Maybe we just needed to get it out of our systems."
"Well, we got it out of our systems. Twice. Three times if you count that thing you did with your tongue. Which, I mean... wow. Where did you even learn that?" Buffy asked with a grin as her cheeks flushed just at the memory. They already had water on the table and she reached for the glass to take a small sip. "Hey, don't presume to know. I told you we did the bickering thing. Sometimes it really does feel like we're an old married couple. You were right when you said we must be similar. I think we are, but there's also ways in which we just clash and think differently. The benefits are just... convenient. He's also only here because I dragged him. I made him drive me. He had a wife and kid, but lost them. That's how he became a Hunter. Now I think he's just... lonely. But he won't ever say that. He still has this massive yen to be a father again, too."
"That's gotta be a tough break," Riley agreed. "I can't imagine what it would be like to have a child, let alone lose one. Lose a wife. Poor guy. No wonder he's got a lot to complain about. Life must seem a whole lot more tainted now. Lost its shine." He threw her a mischievous look over the table. "What, you think I just stopped having sex when we broke up? A guy has needs, you know."
"What a small world Paris really is."
The voice almost had Riley jumping out of his seat in shock. It was probably a miracle he didn't wet himself just because it was the last thing he expected to occur. His eyes snapped up and he found the one and only Blaise Richelieu standing there looking every bit as powerful in his head-to-toe black tailored suit as he definitely was. He really had no choice but to stand up and hold his hand out to the man. "Blaise," he greeted him with a smile. "It's been awhile. How was Scotland? I hear your trip got prolonged." He was starkly and painfully aware Buffy was sitting here watching this exchange, the only thing was, even as Blaise shook his hand, those intense blue eyes were locked on Buffy, his face completely unreadable.
"Sergeant Finn. Bonjour, mon ami. Indeed, the trip lingered a lot longer than I ever anticipated..." Blaise replied, even if he was still watching Buffy. Strange, that he had all but regained his strength in a very short spanse of time. He had ignored Juliette's looks and left their home to finally make it into his city for business. Of course, sometimes fate just stepped in.
Buffy had sucked in a breath at the appearance of Blaise. He was up and out of his sickbed. In fact, if she hadn't seen it for herself she never would have believed that he had been sick. She didn't know how to take the exchange between him and Riley either. Riley knew a little about her attraction for the Kindred prince. But he didn't know exactly what had gone down. He'd also made comments about her belonging to the Frenchman, but he was wrong. Even if those blue eyes threatened to have her drawn back into his hold. She stayed in her seat though, and kept her hands on her water glass. "Hello, Blaise," she finally got out after a moment of feeling her heart somewhere up in her throat.
Blaise gave a small bow in response to her greeting. "Mademoiselle Summers," he greeted her formally in return and then released Riley's hand. "And there I was thinking you had perhaps gotten lost in our fine city. I see, however, that you are in more than capable hands." Something sharp was edging his tone. How could it not? He was Kindred, and his senses were piqued. He could sense what was going on here, what had gone on before here. In fact, it wasn't just Riley Finn he was sensing on her, and it was fortunate he was feeling well again, because the anger that surged up inside stayed contained, save for a slight flash in his eyes. But he turned and offered Riley a hint of a smile. "You must show Mademoiselle Summers the sights, homme. She seems intent on experiencing them."
"Nothing worth seeing that she can't find in a good tourist guide, right?" Riley joked and then cleared his throat as he gestured to their table. "Why don't you join us?"
Buffy hadn't missed the flash in Blaise's eyes. She didn't even know where to begin to process it. A flash meant anger, right? Or hunger. But he didn't like her blood, and she was making the rude assumption that Riley had never been in true love. Maybe it was just someone else in the restaurant. Then she also remembered the fact that vampires always did have a keen sense of smell and she just wanted to have the ground beneath her open up and swallow her whole. Buffy cleared her throat quietly before she gave both men a tight smile. "Riley's an old friend. Boyfriend. Ex. From the crater formerly known as Sunnydale. He, ah... He was the teaching aide in my psychology class." She had no idea if Blaise knew about the Initiative, so she kept her mouth shut. Just like she didn't make any comments about Blaise being sick since she assumed Riley wouldn't know about that. "At least join us for a drink."
"As highly appealing as a drink sounds," Blaise began, turning his eyes intently to Riley, looking over him closely, "I must decline the generous offer. I have a business dinner that my absence will not let me put off any longer. I simply could not intrude on such an intimate occasion, either. The fine cuisine must be enjoyed in pleasured company." Once again, he was piercing Riley with an intent look, only to glance away at Buffy with his own tight smile. "Mademoiselle Summers, Sergeant Finn. Bon appetit," he added with another small, polite bow and then was walking away, a couple of men in suits following close behind him.
Riley put a hand up and scratched at the back of his neck, feeling more than awkward. For some reason, it had felt like the rest of the restaurant's patrons had fallen silent as soon as Blaise had shown up, and now again like the record was suddenly switched back. He sat back down hesitantly and picked up his water glass to take a sip. "Well... probably a fortunate thing you don't have anything going with him, right? Because he's well pissed at you. It doesn't take a genius to see that." He realised at this juncture that he had been more than lax with the details surrounding how and why he knew Blaise. "Small world, huh?"
"Catastrophically small," Buffy muttered as she watched after Blaise and tried not to feel like she'd messed up. Again. But there was no talk of exclusivity. There never would be. And maybe she'd fallen into some gigantically slutty ways by first sleeping with Rory, and then Riley, but she hadn't planned on seeing Riley. It had been an accident. She also wasn't sure why Blaise would be pissed when he'd stressed the whole friends thing. Friends that made out, maybe. He hadn't said yet that he was ready to risk his heart for her. He just kept asking her to tell him why he should. Now Buffy didn't know. She also wasn't sure that running after him and rambling an apology would do any good. Especially not at some fancy business dinner. With her still dressed like she was going to go for a jog. She wanted to face-palm in the biggest way but instead just slumped back in her chair and glanced across the table at Riley. "He's harder to read than Tolstoy. Sometimes I feel like I need a translator for the silences. I don't even know why he's pissed. But just so we're clear, I don't regret what happened. It was a surprise, and it was just going with the moment, but it was nice. It was you. There's been things I've regretted with you, but not today. I just wish I knew why I always feel like a naughty schoolgirl when Blaise looks at me. And not in the porno way."
Riley could see the waitress over at the bar placing their bottle of wine on a silver try with two glasses. "Interesting what you said earlier about true love authorities. One would almost think you were indicating that you had never felt it..." he commented lightly and let it hang between them for a few moments as he watched her slump back in the seat. It was a piece of information he had absorbed at the time, but really tried not to let bother him. He knew Buffy never truly loved him, but maybe he had always hoped deep down that he was wrong. "The fact you're having dinner with another guy without his knowledge could be a start on the pissed. Or the fact you seem to have gone off without letting him know where you were. That's another thing that could piss a guy off. It used to with me when you did it, I know that for certain. I always thought you were... you know, dead, or in the process of it. Again. Strange, though. Because he's really your type, isn't he?" His face was a lot more serious now, and lightness was gone out of his tone. So much could be behind that comment.. and so much was. But then the waitress was there, standing beside them and Riley looked up at her with a forced, polite smile.
The waitress had considered giving the two a moment, but it looked like there might never be a good moment. That was part of the trouble with hospitality. You got in trouble for being late with an order when you might have just been trying to give a couple their privacy, and you got in trouble for interrupting trying to make sure the order was on time. It was no win. And just when she was getting ready to pour Riley's wine for him to taste, her grip faltered and she wound up pouring it straight into his lap. "Mon dieu! Je suis désolé, monsieur."
Buffy leaned forward as soon as the spill happened, the interruption saving her from answering Riley for the moment. Her body tensed as her Slayer senses kicked in She couldn't help it. Even if it had been a simple accident she was now on red alert. When the waitress went to start trying to mop up Riley's lap, Buffy was out of her seat with a napkin. "You know what? I got this. Merci. You can stay out of his lap."
Riley had been stuck on the whole Buffy/Blaise thing and what it was supposed to potentially mean, that the drink in his lap took him by complete and utter surprise, and he actually squeaked in surprise. Typical, after contemplating the whole list of white wines, he actually ended up choosing red for some reason. Now he suddenly had two chicks fighting over wiping his lap down. It was a good thing he was as embarrassed as all hell. Embarrassment would stop certain other parts of his body reacting with way worse than a squeak. "Hey, hey... it's okay," he told them both, grabbing his own napkin to start wiping up the mess. He looked up at the flustered waitress and gave her a smile. "It's fine. I promise. I've had far worse than wine spilt on me. You don't have to worry about it, okay? Ne t’en fais pas." he assured her.
The waitress had backed off the moment Buffy had stepped in, assuming she was the girlfriend. She held the wine bottle tightly as she just watched helplessly. Of course it had to be red wine. She just wanted to run back into the kitchen and hide, but she still had to face her customers. There was just no escape. Even if it would be easier to run away. "So sorry... I didn't mean to," she replied in accented English. "It's been a long day. I'll, erm, pour your drinks..." she trailed off as she just tried to work quietly and without spilling a drop. She smiled nervously as she just left the bottle on the table. "Let me know when you're ready to order your meal, oui?"
Buffy took her seat again, even if she was biting her lip and watching Riley. She couldn't help it. She was suddenly feeling incredibly territorial over Riley's lap. She was allowed to be when she'd been the one enjoying it mere hours ago. She gave the waitress another look of warning but her gaze drifted as it caught Blaise's from across the restaurant. A shiver ran down her spine and caused her skin to prickle as she sucked in a breath. Why did he have to be here tonight? And why did he have to come to their table, say something? She had no idea what was happening between her and Riley, or if anything should. Maybe the sex really had been something to get out of their systems. She reached for the freshly filled wine glass without thinking twice and took a large sip. "Are you ready, Riley?"
Riley, however, was watching the waitress walk away. He hadn't noticed Buffy looking at Blaise, and only caught his attention again when she spoke. "Hm?" he replied, distractedly, hoping the waitress didn't get too embarrased when she realised Riley had already placed their order a little earlier. He blinked and looked back to Buffy. "Ready for what?" he asked, still patting absentmindedly at his lap with the napkin.
"Ready for me to toss my glass of water into your lap. I'll claim it's to help you get the stain out, but really it'll be to try and get you to roll your tongue back into your mouth." Buffy wasn't blind. The waitress had been gorgeous and tall and all with the tasteful cleavage. Not to mention French. What was it with the French? They just seemed to automatically make any normal person lose it and suddenly act like a lust-struck teenager. "You really wanted her to wipe your lap, didn't you?"
"Yes, I did, considering it was full of red wine," Riley said back and shot Buffy a Look in response. "It's not like you can talk, drooling all over Blaise like you're ready to go after him and strip him naked in the middle of the restaurant. Even if I know it would be a stupid move to draw attention to yourself like that. Are you... you're jealous," he realised, blinking again in surprise this time.
Buffy sat back in her seat to fold her arms defensively under her chest as she shot him a Look to match his. Then she just crinkled her nose. "Of course I am! How can I not be? Aren't you jealous of Blaise? I'm not a total cold-hearted bitch. Just so you know. I loved you, Riley. Care about you still... Maybe I didn't love you enough, but I still loved you. Besides, we just had killer sex and you're wanting your lap wiped down by some random waitress with the long legs, and swishy hair? Of course I'm jealous! I thought... I don't know what I thought. I'm confused as all hell right now."
"You let me go! Why should I be jealous?" Riley threw back petulantly. He couldn't help it. "You can't have your cake and eat it too. I'm not doing this again, Buffy. The only difference here is that this time, it's not Angel, it's him." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder in Blaise's general direction. "Either way, you're still trying to use me as the simple, normal country boy to convince yourself you want the easy life, and you know what? Screw it. I hated it the first time and I'm thinking the rollercoaster isn't going to be anymore fun this time. It's alright for you to be drooling over another guy, but it's not alright for me to appreciate when a girl looks good? I... don't even know what to say to that."
"I don't mean it like that, but... I wasn't drooling. Okay? I wasn't! I was just staring at him. There was no drooling. I was too nervous, too scared. Too confused. I'm not trying to use you as anything. I just... I'm happy to see you. Happy to be with you. I'm enjoying this time with you." Buffy ran her fingers through her hair and sighed as she made an effort not to look at Blaise again. "I'm over the drooling. He might be pissed, but he doesn't have any right to know what I'm doing yet. You got pissed because I was with you at the time I was disappearing. So I get that. But this? With him? There isn't any right to be pissed. I'm not accountable to him just because it's his city."
Riley just stared at her, and then with a laugh of disbelief, shook his head. "You really can be such a selfish bitch when you want to be," he told her bluntly. He put the soiled napkin onto the table, not caring if it would let the wine seep into the perfect white tablecloth. "Are you seriously going to sit there and try to tell me that you came to Paris to just see the Eiffel Tower? Bullshit, Buffy. Xander told me otherwise. You might think the guy is lacking some sort of entitlement over you, then okay. What are you? A prick teaser? You came here to tell him to go fuck himself and nothing more?" He shook his head again. "You come to see him and then go out and sleep with two other guys? Okay, whatever. He's not entitled to anything of you at all. It's always Buffy calling the shots."
Buffy felt like sinking a little lower in her chair, but she managed to stay upright as Riley laid into her. And really, was he that wrong? She had gone and slept with two other guys when she'd come here to see Blaise. But Riley wasn't something she wanted to apologise for. The moment had felt right and they'd taken it. The night before with Rory had just been needing to work the frustration out. Now it was several hours later and Buffy did have time to start regretting the drunken encounter just a little bit. Although maybe she only regretted it because she had been caught out. Blaise caught her out, and now she had to suffer the consequences. "No, I came to check if he was okay. He... he fed on me, but because of the true love thing he rejected my blood. It made him sick, and I just wanted to see if he was okay. He claimed me, only he wasn't claiming me. He really did make that part clear."
Riley tried not to wince, but he did. Just hearing that Blaise had rejected her blood came like a firm boot in the nuts to him and it almost felt physical. He fell quiet, looking at the red wine in his glass near his hand, unable to meet her gaze for the moment. It was confirmation he had wanted to be deluded about, and again, he wondered what was so damn bad about him that she couldn't fall in love with. "Nice..." he finally replied quietly. "Still, even if he hasn't let you close enough yet, that doesn't mean you should be fucking around on him. Or that you don't owe him anything. I would think a bit of respect wouldn't actually hurt you to give him."
"It's not like I expected to see you," Buffy murmured as her gaze dropped to her glass. "Maybe that's no excuse for a lack of respect towards him, but everything's just been tipped upside down. And I guess I am being selfish. I just... I'm sorry. I'm sorry Blaise proved me and you wrong. I'm sorry I didn't handle any of this well, and I'm sorry. I'm just sorry." Buffy pressed her lips together as she felt a lump grow, and tears prick the backs of her eyes. She just wanted to know when everything had decided to take a turn for the worse. "Maybe I should... You don't need to have dinner with me."
Riley was pissed off at the whole turn of the conversation. She had nothing to be playing the victim for here. He sighed and looked over at Blaise with his business group, and absent-mindedly came to put his hand up to his throat, slightly brushing his fingers along the side of his neck. There was a gorgeous blonde standing beside Blaise, and he had taken her hand to kiss the back of it, smiling. Any other guy, and Riley would think he was trying to make Buffy jealous. It wasn't the case, though. He had admirers, plain and simple. People wanted to be in his presence, it just wasn't a luxury he afforded very often. "Just... stop it," he finally said, turning back to Buffy. "Stop apologising. Take account for your actions, for god's sake. This is what you do. You like a bit of monster in your man..." He shook his head again, feeling drained with the situation all of a sudden, just like he had the whole time towards the end of their relationship. Spike had been right when he said that to Riley that day, and even though Riley wanted to thump the guy for it, he knew the vampire had been right. He would never be what she wanted, he was just a convenient gapfiller when said monsters weren't playing to her tune. To think, for a split second there, back at his apartment, he had actually been stupidly indulging himself in wondering if maybe they could have a second chance, that maybe running into each other accidentally might mean something. "Maybe you should just go back to Scotland, Buffy. Obviously Paris doesn't have what you really, deep down, want. Maybe Angel really is the only one you'll ever be prepared to fight for when you aren't out saving the world. I'm sure your Scotsman will happily give you a lift."
"I don't want Angel. I'm not his anymore. I think he was just familiar and comfortable. We always found a rhythm to fall into. That wasn't true love either. Apparently he'll never be capable of really loving me. Ironic, huh?" Buffy spared a glance at Blaise and his entourage before she got up and set down her napkin on the table. "I'm not going back to Scotland yet, as much as Rory will hate me for it. But he's also a big boy and he can always just drive himself back. I'll find my own way... home." Her voice caught on the word when she realised for a second time that she still wasn't sure where home was. "I'm staying at the Hotel Brittany if you want to find me again. I do miss you, Riley. And not because you were ever some sort of substitute. I'll take account for my actions if you just stop and realise that you still mean something to me." Her green eyes stopped on where his hand had gone, and then she looked at Blaise again. There was no scar on Riley's neck which would mean Kindred had fed on him, and now she was starting to wonder if it had been the Kindred elephant in the room. "So he liked your blood. That's nice. Also fuel for a couple of fantasies, but I think this is the wrong time to bring those up."
Riley took his wallet from his pocket as he stood too. He threw enough cash onto the table to cover everything they had ordered and a generous tip for the waitress so she wouldn't continue to feel like an idiot for the wine accident. In fact, as he was placing the money down, he caught her gaze across the restaurant from where she was pouring wine at Blaise's table and offered her a faint smile before he turned back to Buffy. "This isn't a place for a conversation like this," he told her quietly and then headed for the door, indicating she should follow him. It wasn't beyond him that Blaise was watching them leave. And thank god he was. The last thing he needed to sit through was being in the presence of Buffy, whom he had apparently recently claimed, having dinner with another man. He really wanted to call her an idiot for being so thick and not seeing what Blaise was laying in the line for her. Kindred Prince claiming a fucking Slayer, for God's sake. But he wasn't going to spoon feed her.
Once he was outside, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his jacket and turned to her on the sidewalk. "You need to decide what the hell you want, Buffy. You've been going through the Scot, you've had me... again... and are standing here telling me you miss me when you didn't even miss me when we were in a relationship, and you have him. Vampire royalty. Someone who knows this place better than any living, breathing human could only dream of. You know Henry the Eighth? Dude who liked chopping his wives heads off in England? Really old King of England? Yeah, Blaise's brother was betrothed to his daughter. Stop and think about the enormity of that for just a minute. It doesn't take a genius for me to deduce that you have probably had your hand on all our cocks in a twenty four hour time span. Perhaps you should think about the enormity of that, too, and wonder why the hell I'm pissed off. Yesterday, I was over the moon to see you and run into you, and stupidly let myself think that maybe it could mean something." When he stopped, he just shook his head and then looked down at his boots with a small sigh, biting down on his lip when the past feelings just kept trying to force their way to the forefront.
Buffy wrapped her arms tightly around her middle as she stood there staring at Riley. She'd been over the moon, too. Of course she had. She also just hated that he could think so little of her, but she'd ripped his heart out, stomped on it and now was trying to argue that she'd actually wanted to take care of it. Of course he was pissed off at her. And he was also right about the twenty-four hour time span. Something Buffy didn't even begin to know how to justify. Not really. Anything she'd thought had been a good reason she was now doubting, and hating herself for. She turned away from him as she bit down on her lip. She didn't even have anywhere to run to. She didn't know Paris, Edinburgh seemed like too much of a distance and even then she didn't want to be trying to deal with her thoughts in a castle full of Slayerettes and under the gaze of Giles, Xander, Willow, and Faith. She had to also wonder what the hell Giles would make of this if he even knew. "A lot of time has passed since then, Riley," she started quietly. "We've both changed. I've had a lot of time to think about what I did wrong... All the what ifs. And I can't help but want you. It's you. I don't know how else to explain it. And Blaise is Blaise and I don't even know how to start explaining that, or understanding it. I'm scared. Rory was convenient and I owe him an apology, and I'm not going to be indulging in benefits with him anymore."
"Really, Buffy? Because I'm not sure I'm buying that you've changed at all," Riley threw back in exasperation. "It's me. Like an old pair of slippers, who did nothing but want to be there for you and take care of you, but you didn't damn well want me to! No one changes that much, Buffy. Blaise is Blaise..." He broke off and literally laughed at this, shaking his head. "Oh boy, if you don't intend on getting the hell out of Paris promptly with a comment like that, then I would be changing my mind pretty quick smart. All those people he was with? The other suits? They were watching you, Buffy. You had his attention and one hundred percent guaranteed, they want to know why the hell you did. You want something with me? Seriously? Then go back in there and tell him to his face that you want nothing from him. Because he's my friend, Buffy. I might have let you screw me over, but I'm not letting you mess with him because of me. I like my life and I like my job. I'm not putting both on the line for you. Been there, done that, walked away with the scars."
"Of course I wanted you to! But letting you was different. I didn't know how to let you. Not then. And now?" Buffy threw up her hands as she started to pace restlessly. "I'm better at letting someone take care of me. I know I am. I'm just apparently not better at expressing myself. Blaise is Blaise. I don't mean that as a derogatory thing. He's dark, mysterious, Kindred," she whispered. "He's powerful, he's royalty. He's the son of a French king! He bought me diamonds, and he threw up my blood! He claimed me to rid me of the hold Angel had on me, and now he's in there with suits that will want to know who I am, and I don't know who I am! Okay? I don't. I don't know who I am to him, I don't know who I am to anyone. Even me. I know you might think that's bullshit, but it's the truth. I closed the Hellmouth in Sunnydale. I created a whole bunch of Slayers. Now what?"
If Riley didn't know he had some sort of idiot streak in him, he would wonder if he was possessed. But nope, probably just completely stupid. Before he could stop himself, he was grabbing her and kissed her roughly, deeply, almost to the point he nearly knocked them both off their feet. It was ridiculous, and it was never going to feel 100% right, not after everything. In fact, after letting it continue just long enough to make him feel like he was about to explode, he pulled away and put a hand up to his mouth. "Fuck!" he cursed, shaking his head. That wasn't the answer. It was more getting caught up in the moment, and all that did was make his chest hurt. Maybe even part of him did it just to shut her up because it hurt him so much for her to always confuse him like hell. And frustrate him. "He's your type, Buffy! I never have been!" he cried and pushed his fingers through his hair. "Look... okay... you said you're staying in a hotel? You'll end up broke. I've got a spare room. You can stay there if you want. I'm hardly ever home. You can bring the Scot dude if you want, too. I don't even know why I am saying this, but I feel like I should say something that doesn't revolve around our past because it really feels like my brain is about to explode right now. At least, for once, it's not my heart feeling like that."
Buffy could feel the tears start to roll down her cheeks as she got just as angry and frustrated. Only there was no letting it out, especially not on the street. She remembered when her mom had been in surgery to remove her brain tumour and the special night that Riley had arranged for them. A night where he was trying to tell her how proud he was that she'd stayed strong. But she hadn't. She'd broken down and it hadn't been with him. Not like it should have been. She had never taken comfort from Riley during that time, and she'd paid the price. Now there was no hiding it, no escaping the tears. "I can't let you do that. I'm already getting you all riled up. This isn't... It's not healthy. Maybe I should just go back to Edinburgh and stay away from you, from Blaise."
Riley literally lost his wind at that and his shoulders slumped as he just looked at her. With a small shake of his head, he just held his hand up in some sort of small surrender. "Okay... okay." He took a step back. "Whatever you want, Buffy. Whatever the hell you want." He turned, dropping his hands to his sides, and started to walk away from her. He had been through all this, he had done it all back in Sunnydale. He had no energy left for it. He did his fighting for her and being there for her. He didn't want to go through that all over again.
Buffy frowned as she looked from a retreating Riley, to the restaurant and back again. Staying with him would at least afford her more time in Paris. More time to work out how to talk to Blaise. She just wasn't ready for it to be tonight. Not when the Prince had an important work dinner. She made a mental note to try and send him a message to request a meet when it was convenient. And then she turned to jog after Riley. This time she was going to catch him before there was any chance for choppers to be involved. She was just going to stay strong so no more moments were rolled with.
Word Count | 6,453