The Gift of Stolen Time - Part 20
Title: The Gift Of Stolen Time
Author: Dark_Kurai
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan, touches of Cara/Dahlia
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Spoilers: Should be none, plays after 2x22.
Summary: Follow-up to A Tear, A Word, A Smile - When Zedd opens a magical portal to ease their travels after the victory against the Keeper, something goes wrong that forces Cara away from the Midlands for some time...
A/N: Oh my gosh, were at part 20. Damn, this story is quickly approaching 100.000 words. *celebrates* My stack of safety parts is quickly waning... I hope I can keep up with the every two day posts in the future, so feel yourself warned. ;] By the way, I have no freakin' idea when Confessor powers surface, so I'm taking artistic liberties here.
20.
When Kahlan felt reality return to her, it was with huge sense of confusion and displacement. Where was she? And why was she lying down?
The softness beneath her back felt like carpet, fending of most of the chill that the cold stone floor emitted even when covered. While she still felt a trace of weakness, her instincts told her she was safe. There was no need to panic.
Blinking her eyes open, she found herself face to face with her fiance once the blurriness became solid.
"Richard..?" she mumbled disoriented. "Why am I lying on the floor?"
"Do you feel okay?" She nodded softly at his question and he relaxed, finding her eyes again. "You don't remember what happened? What Zedd told us?"
They were alone in the room, so much she could tell. Rummaging through her memories, she tried to remember what the last thing had been that had occurred before blackening out.
The Mother Confessor remembered the castle. She remembered walking with Richard, Cara and oh, there was the girl, of course, Noa. They had been in the common room, talking. She remembered that Zane was quite an amusing storyteller. And then, yes, Zedd had come back, talking, explaining something and... oh. Oh, yes.
Kahlan tried not to faint again, as she felt herself grow dizzy. "Oh."
"Oh, indeed," Richard confirmed with a small smile. He gently pulled her upper body on his knees, stroking her hair. "That was... quite a shock."
"I wonder... I don't... this is so confusing." Finding solace in the warm strength beneath her head, she took a deep breath. "I can't imagine how..."
Richard kept quiet while she ordered her thoughts. She tried to make sense of what Zedd had said and then there was the image of Cara's wide cyan eyes, almost pale yellow in the firelight. It would've been funny to see the Mord'Sith so flabbergasted if it wasn't so completely crazy.
Noa. Her daughter. She had a daughter.
"I can't believe it," she whispered to herself in awe, her eyes filling with tears at this wonder.
"Now that Zedd said it... what I can't believe is how we didn't see it. It was so obvious... her smile, her features... they are so much like your own." He drifted a callused finger down her cheek in thought. "For people that are supposed to see the truth we were amazingly blind to it," the Seeker added with a smile.
Unable to help a chuckle pass her lips, Kahlan reached up and squeezed his hand. "Thank you for catching me."
"Actually, Cara got you first, she was closer. Creator's Breath... a kid with Cara, you really went all out, didn't you?"
Although it was spoken in jest, Kahlan blinked, feeling a lump form in her throat. Cara. Noa. Good gracious, what does that mean? Cara and I have a daughter. We have a child. Kahlan tore her gaze away from his with a gulp, trying to make sense of where they were and keeping herself from slipping deeper into these thoughts in the arms of the man she was supposed to marry.
She still wondered if it had been a good idea to say Yes to his question, but all pointed in that direction. Everyone loved and trusted the Seeker and if the people knew she was marrying him, the people of the Midlands would feel a lot safer and calmer after so many years of war. Even the nobility would openly refrain from scratching at her throne with him at her side. It was a political masterstroke to choose Richard as her husband.
And she knew she could have been happy with him, even gladly have his children once he found a way around Shota's warning, if it wasn't for the blonde Mord'Sith in their midst.
But Richard loved her, truly and unmistakably. It had to be enough. Maybe it would get easier once the years passed.
"...Where are the others?"
"In another room. Zedd and Zane stayed with them, trying to find answers."
"How are they?" Kahlan asked softly, wondering if they were just as beside themselves as she was. I'm in shock. Might not be the worst state to be in at the moment.
"Well... Cara is Cara. Brooding, stoic, pursing her lips and all that. You know." They shared a small grin.
"And.. Noa?"
"She's having a small panic attack. It's not every day that you find out that both your parents are women."
Kahlan closed her eyes and thought of the young girl. Of the time they had spent on Dazrodha. She had been so jealous then of the younger blonde, and Creator, did she feel foolish for that now. It had been such a petty, vile emotion, now that she knew what Noa... what her daughter - she nearly fainted again - had gone through until meeting the Mord'Sith.
The full implications of this revelation still slipped through her fingers.
"Was I out for long?"
Richard tilted his head towards the window, checking the time. "About half an hour, maybe longer. You should keep lying down for a while, though, you're still pale as a sheet. It's better if we get used to all that happened today."
Too exhausted to argue with that logic, she felt her lids drop again, but not from tiredness. There were so many things she had to think about. And she wanted to do it with the image of Cara in her mind.
We have a daughter.
____________________
"Ohdearohdearohdearohdearohdear-..."
"Oh, for the love of... kid! Snap out of it!"
Noa swallowed her next words in surprise, trying to get her agitation under control. She had been moving in small, quick circles, just as white as her unconscious mother had been before Richard had carried her out of the room. The girl looked just as ready to drop to the floor.
Cara sighed, relieved that the kid had stopped. Her own shock was still bone-deep, but it appeared as if she, Zedd and Richard were the only ones that could handle it better. Zane was still sitting numbly on the couch, totally in over his head with all that had occurred and too much of a stranger to do anything to ease the situation.
Cara pinched the bridge of her nose.
We have a daughter?! How did that... when could it... Spirits, you're taunting me.
"Can someone explain to me how the heck it's possible that two women can have children these days? Without them knowing? Did I forgot to listen in biology class or what?" the young man burst out in confusion, both hands placed atop his head.
"I have to admit that not even I am quite sure how that might have happened... I just know that it is the truth. I rechecked the spell two times." Zedd was obviously trying to make sense of it. "And that Noa was able to use the portal stone that had imprinted on Kahlan to get to this world was the most obvious evidence."
Cara groaned and rubbed her temple. Not only did she get her daughter back... no, as the fates would have it, she would find out that the other parent had to be the woman she felt drawn to like no other. Figures. At least they didn't have to worry about Darken Rahl anymore.
How could she have been so blind? It was... it was blatant! More than a slap in the face! No wonder that she had been reminded of someone when she looked at the girl, there were so many hints... It seemed as if she hadn't wanted to see the truth than ran around like crazy in front of her.
Literally.
"Stop moving, damn it! You're driving me crazy with your circling!"
"But I can't sit still," Noa whined back and bit her lip, staying jittery on the spot she had paused on. Her eyes darted left and right - a blue and a green one, perfect mirrors of Cara's and Kahlan's colors, was she retarded to miss this?! - and the image snapped a memory into her head that had her frozen.
But... of course. More memories clinked into place, and suddenly there were so many events that made sense now. There was so much that made sense now!
"Zane. Zedd. Out."
"But-.."
"Out. Now," she growled at the wizard and survival instincts made him move in an instant.
"Come, my boy, I'm sure they have a lot to talk about. You can help me search some books while we wait."
They hurriedly left through another door and the Mord'Sith started pacing along the floor, flexing her hands like an anxious panther. The dangerous gleam in her eyes had Noa slink back to the herd with her agitation gone, replaced by guarded apprehension.
"You lied to me!" Cara finally hissed at her daughter.
Indignant, Noa set her shoulders. "I never-..."
"I'm talking about the moment we opened the portal back home, remember? And about everything else: Yes, you didn't tell me, which may count to you as not outright lying. You kept it hidden. Even though I was your most trusted person you didn't even once think to explain to me what else happened in Srath?" she growled, slinking nearer to a trembling Noa.
The girl's gaze focused on the flickering flames. Her lips were tightly pressed together and she looked somewhere in between wanting to cry or shout. It appeared that Cara was hitting a well hidden nerve.
Cara realized what Noa was trying to do when she stopped moving even an inch, not even blinking. Her instincts told her to hide, to be still, to vanish and be overlooked.
"Don't you dare keep quiet now. This is way bigger than you or me. And it doesn't make you a bad person, whatever you might think."
"But... that's the problem. They believed I was vile!" Noa suddenly burst out in despair. "When they beat me all those years, I saw truth in their eyes. How can you trust in yourself to be something good, to expect someone else to believe it, when the whole world around you doesn't? How?"
Cara resumed her pacing, rubbing her face with gloved hands when all the puzzle pieces started to show themselves.
"The day I found you, you weren't afraid of me just because I was another human being. You couldn't read me, that had you on edge. You didn't know what to expect and that worried you." Her words were spilling forth faster now. "That was why you were so daring with the citizens. Since you knew when they would be getting suspicious, you didn't worry about changing the bandage on your head every few days. And you were so good with the animals... because you understood the impulsive truth in them."
She swirled around to her daughter, observing how Noa's throat was working with trying to keep her emotions under control.
"And then there was Rorsh," Cara added softly. She could only shake her head in amazement at overlooking all that. "You're a Confessor and I never suspected it even once until hearing that Kahlan is your.. other mother."
No one of the two blondes said anything for a while, Cara unable to decipher her child's thoughts as she was turned fully towards the fire, her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest.
How did it come to this? And there isn't even anyone to blame but ourselves.
Then Noa started to speak, under her breath, with a defeated, tired note in her voice and nothing else.
"I... I 'confessed' someone for the first time when I was three and unaware of my powers," she began without looking at her mother.
"It was a family father that had tried to hit me when I wanted to play with his children and I accidently touched him because I was panicking. He then followed me... for days. I cried and didn't understand why he came after me everywhere. Grandma ordered me to get rid of him before the whole village would kill us both, so... I told him what she said to me: That I never wanted to see him again as long as he lived."
Cara saw the shadows play on the wall, dreading what was going to come soon. Confessor powers were an unforgiving gift.
She wasn't wrong.
"One day later they found him in the barn, hanging. He had killed himself without regard for his family. I saw how they got him down. I guess that was my first murder."
The Mord'Sith closed her eyes in pain.
"I confessed more people, all of them out of accident, before I learned to control this... thing I had in me. An older woman. A young boy. A mother. A daughter. It didn't matter. Once confessed, the villagers killed most of them before I could do anything, trying to safe their corrupted souls from me. They were too afraid to do anything but beat me with sticks then whenever they saw me. But then, two years after the last person I confessed, they came to my grandma's house and... when she was dead, I was able to flee and hide for two weeks before they found me and dragged me into the woods with ropes, so that they could kill me."
"And I found you," Cara concluded, gripping her Agiel so tightly she thought either it or her hand would break any second. "What happened in Rorsh?"
"The moment I saw you go down, I snapped. It was... surprisingly easy to confess everyone in my sight. I was furious. I had never been so furious before in my life." Noa took a notable shaky breath.
"What did you tell them?"
Cara was only able to see the outline of her child's face. She could see the white-knuckled grip on her fists, though.
"I told them to rip themselves apart. To not keep anyone alive, not even themselves. I wanted them to hurt, just like me, more than me. I watched the carnage and when the last one dropped, I... I knew that they had been right, that I... I'm... I'm a monster, a demon, something... bad."
It was then that the first sobs broke through and Noa covered her face in her hands while she gasped for air, shoulders heaving in pain, her voice laced with tears. "How could I have told you? I didn't want you to be scared of me, to hate me! I couldn't have survived that, everything but that. When Zane told me about Confessors and that they confessed people I didn't make the connection until I overheard them talk about the details in Aydindril. And that... that Mord'Sith are the Confessors greatest enemies."
Cara couldn't bear to see the suddenly so small frame of her daughter shake with soul-wracking grief any longer and she walked over, picking the slim girl from the ground and sitting down on a couch with Noa on her lap, who wrapped her arms around her mother within seconds.
"You're not a monster, Noa. You're my... our daughter. That's all that counts." The Mord'Sith stroked a hand up and down her back, making soothing noises into the girl's ear while Noa pressed herself close and cried and cried.
"I- I don't w-want to h-have this," Noa gasped out and Cara became afraid that the girl would pass out from the lack of oxygen, so hard was she weeping.
"I know," she simply replied, unable to help with this fate. "It's okay."
"It w-was all my f-fault... t-they hated m-me. I can't... can't stand to be h-hated."
"No one's hating you here. We won't, I swear." Cara's words were calm, imploring.
After long minutes Noa seemed to calm down a little, still sobbing softly into her mother's neck guard. "I'm so sorry... I don't w-want to kill anyone that way again."
She was only three. I killed for the first time when I was twelve... Noa, I'm so sorry for not being there sooner. It wasn't your fault.
"Shhh," Cara patted the short hair, understanding now how much pain the kid had to endure back then to get rid of the strands to create the small flower. She hugged her even closer. "You're in Aydindril, the home of the Confessors. Everything you don't understand can be taught to you here."
There was a pause as the girl gathered herself. Noa sniffed and slowly pulled back, melting Cara's heart with the sadness and guilt that still resided in her eyes. "Can Kahlan teach me?"
"You two are the only Confessors left," she explained, easing her fingers out of their gloves and then wiping away the wetness on Noa's cheeks. A slight blush crept onto the tanned skin beneath her hand.
"I'm sorry for not telling. And crying. And a dozen other things I can't think of right now."
"It's fine. We all make mistakes. Now forget what happened on Darza, it's long past. First we have to deal with the fact that you have another mother."
Both blondes shared a look, equally confused about how that might have come to pass. But with all secrets now out in the open and both of them drained from the night, they stayed silent, content with being together after all this time.
"And now," Cara proclaimed towards her after long minutes with a glare, "we're going to talk about 'sacrificing ourselves to ensure our mothers get home safely'... ring a bell?"
Noa ducked her head with a weak half-grin.
__________________
It wasn't her place. That's what Kahlan believed when she stood before the door to the common room in the very early morning hours, unsure if she should join the two blondes or not.
As Noa's mother she had a right to come inside and connect with her daughter, but... reality was different. They were strangers to each other and Noa was so focused on Cara that it seemed like stealing away a piece of their closeness when trying to force herself into the group.
Maybe she would leave it to Noa to set the pace of their relationship. It was at least worth a try to see how the two were doing right now... and there were important matters to discuss if she proved correct. She just needed to see if they were okay and steal a glance at her... daughter.
Opening the door with her heart beating fast, filled with a sense of trepidation and anticipation, she walked inside with a view around the interior. The image that greeted her warmed her down to the core.
Noa was sitting on Cara's legs, feet dangling and swinging relaxed while she talked to the older blonde about something that had Cara's lips curling in a seldom smile, her chin propped up on a curled fist. They both looked up when Kahlan walked closer.
The girl slipped down on the ground and made a few hesitant steps in the brunette's direction until both stood in front of each other filled with awkwardness.
Licking her lips, Noa adopted a straight pose and carefully said with the best resemblance of seriousness that was in her nature, "Good morning, mother."
Kahlan felt her heart swell with happiness and she wrung her hands nervously with a smile. "Hello Noa." Tense silence. ".. uh... would it... is it okay if I hugged you?" she asked, remembering that the girl had always greeted any kind of touch with a certain sort of stiffness.
Noa half-shrugged, half-nodded and Kahlan came close, wrapping her arms around the tumbler and holding the girl close, smiling brighter when her daughter reciprocated the hug. And just like that all strangeness dissipated into the familiarity the two shared deep in their hearts, born from the same blood flowing in their veins. Her eyes found Cara's in the distance and she smirked at the pronounced eye roll of the blonde.
"Some might think you're seeing each other for the first time," Cara drawled when the two stepped apart again.
"Well, in a way we do," Kahlan replied and mustered the face of her daughter with interest. Then she placed a hand on Noa's shoulder and led the girl with her to where Cara sat, taking a seat across from the older blonde. She took Noa's hands in her own and glanced up in the two different eye-colors, adopting a sense of graveness.
"Noa... if you're my child, then..."
"She's a Confessor, Kahlan," Cara shortened the hesitant questioning down.
Noa scrunched up her face in distaste.
Seeing the reaction, Kahlan gently squeezed her fingers. "It's a gift, Noa."
"It's a curse, nothing else."
"I understand that you might see it like that," Kahlan carefully replied in a compassionate voice, "but when you start learning what it really means to be a Confessor, you might change your opinion. It's a heavy burden and brings with it great responsibility, but you will see how much good it can do in this world."
Looking towards Cara, the two women shared a long, meaningful glance that had Noa look between them in confusion. "What? What is it?"
"I already know what that means," Cara said in return to the unspoken words she and the brunette had shared right now.
Kahlan nodded and looked back up to Noa's youthful face. She took a deep breath. "This is going to come as a shock, but... Noa, as the second-to-last Confessor and my daughter... you will be the next Mother Confessor. The ruler of all the Midlands."
"Holy storms... tell me you're joking," Noa gasped with horror.
Cara pinched the bridge of her nose. "This all feels like a cheesy bed time story," she grumbled with exhaustion.
"I mean, look at me! I'm not a ruler, I'm an artist!" She gazed imploringly at both her parents. "This isn't going to work... pick someone else!"
"We can't. It's the law, since three thousand years. There is no other human being that could take your rightful seat." Kahlan let her shoulders drop in sadness.
"Mom?" The hopeful gleam in Noa died the second she watched Cara shake her head. She deflated, dragging a hand through the short, wild hair, exhaustion and the redness around her eyes making her seem even more tired. "I think I really need a few hours of sleep right now."
"Will you find back to my room?" her blonde mother asked with a furrowed brow.
Noa nodded, turning around with a mumbled "See you later" and quickly leaving them to find some time for herself, almost fleeing the room. Those were a few revelations too much for one night.
Kahlan sighed deeply with a look of regret and leaned backward in her chair. "I should have waited until later before telling her this, shouldn't I?"
"Maybe. It's useless to muse about What If's now."
They both let themselves be hypnotized by the dancing light of the embers in the herd, that had dimmed noticeably since the time they had sat here after coming back from the city. It was a comfortable kind of quiet, but both their minds were too occupied with the recent events to relish it.
It was inevitable that their thoughts turned to the woman beside them and that their eyes found each other in the dimness. Kahlan didn't feel herself stand up and sit beside the Mord'Sith on the couch, her hand straying to hold the darker one between her own.
"We need to-..."
"No." Cara interrupted her with a calm tone that snapped the brunette's mouth shut. "We don't need to talk. We shouldn't talk." Not with the marriage coming closer. Not with our duty. Not with a land that will refuse our closeness.
The Confessor watched where her thumb stroked the smooth skin of the blonde's knuckles. Cara was right and the truth of it closed off her throat. Yet she couldn't pull away and the other woman didn't either.
But it was so hard to keep away, much harder than she had the strength to endure today. Not with the two of them right here. Not with the knowledge that they had a child.
Before she could utter another word though, Cara seemed to know that she couldn't keep the distance up and raised her hand to seal Kahlan's lips with her forefinger, while the others lay against her chin. There was unhidden longing in the Mord'Sith's eyes, need and pain that warred with each other.
Kahlan's lids fluttered close at the touch on her skin, but the yearning to see the blonde opened them back up. She wanted to drown in cyan green and fade away from the world, so that they never had to part again. The finger drifted to the corner of her mouth, gently, so much softer than she had ever imagined and she marveled at Cara's shuddering breath when she exhaled through her slightly parted lips and against the skin of the blonde's hand.
"It can't be," Cara half-pleaded, half-bemoaned the wish in Kahlan's deep blueness and the answering call in her own flesh.
"I know," Kahlan whispered in return, touching her forehead to Cara's. "I know."
It was only the world that stood between them, with both women clawing at the sides to reach each other, to no other prevail than hurting themselves while trying.
And with that they parted into the night, so close and yet so far. It was only the late hour that had them sleep deeply and not wondering what 'it' really was in the other woman's mind.
_______________
A/N: Looks like reading truth in other people's eyes can be a curse or a blessing for Confessors :]
From here on come what I call the somewhat-goofy parts. At least for a while. So heads up, no one's dying or getting terminally ill or something other heartbreaking for a while *snicker*
Author: Dark_Kurai
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan, touches of Cara/Dahlia
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Spoilers: Should be none, plays after 2x22.
Summary: Follow-up to A Tear, A Word, A Smile - When Zedd opens a magical portal to ease their travels after the victory against the Keeper, something goes wrong that forces Cara away from the Midlands for some time...
A/N: Oh my gosh, were at part 20. Damn, this story is quickly approaching 100.000 words. *celebrates* My stack of safety parts is quickly waning... I hope I can keep up with the every two day posts in the future, so feel yourself warned. ;] By the way, I have no freakin' idea when Confessor powers surface, so I'm taking artistic liberties here.
20.
When Kahlan felt reality return to her, it was with huge sense of confusion and displacement. Where was she? And why was she lying down?
The softness beneath her back felt like carpet, fending of most of the chill that the cold stone floor emitted even when covered. While she still felt a trace of weakness, her instincts told her she was safe. There was no need to panic.
Blinking her eyes open, she found herself face to face with her fiance once the blurriness became solid.
"Richard..?" she mumbled disoriented. "Why am I lying on the floor?"
"Do you feel okay?" She nodded softly at his question and he relaxed, finding her eyes again. "You don't remember what happened? What Zedd told us?"
They were alone in the room, so much she could tell. Rummaging through her memories, she tried to remember what the last thing had been that had occurred before blackening out.
The Mother Confessor remembered the castle. She remembered walking with Richard, Cara and oh, there was the girl, of course, Noa. They had been in the common room, talking. She remembered that Zane was quite an amusing storyteller. And then, yes, Zedd had come back, talking, explaining something and... oh. Oh, yes.
Kahlan tried not to faint again, as she felt herself grow dizzy. "Oh."
"Oh, indeed," Richard confirmed with a small smile. He gently pulled her upper body on his knees, stroking her hair. "That was... quite a shock."
"I wonder... I don't... this is so confusing." Finding solace in the warm strength beneath her head, she took a deep breath. "I can't imagine how..."
Richard kept quiet while she ordered her thoughts. She tried to make sense of what Zedd had said and then there was the image of Cara's wide cyan eyes, almost pale yellow in the firelight. It would've been funny to see the Mord'Sith so flabbergasted if it wasn't so completely crazy.
Noa. Her daughter. She had a daughter.
"I can't believe it," she whispered to herself in awe, her eyes filling with tears at this wonder.
"Now that Zedd said it... what I can't believe is how we didn't see it. It was so obvious... her smile, her features... they are so much like your own." He drifted a callused finger down her cheek in thought. "For people that are supposed to see the truth we were amazingly blind to it," the Seeker added with a smile.
Unable to help a chuckle pass her lips, Kahlan reached up and squeezed his hand. "Thank you for catching me."
"Actually, Cara got you first, she was closer. Creator's Breath... a kid with Cara, you really went all out, didn't you?"
Although it was spoken in jest, Kahlan blinked, feeling a lump form in her throat. Cara. Noa. Good gracious, what does that mean? Cara and I have a daughter. We have a child. Kahlan tore her gaze away from his with a gulp, trying to make sense of where they were and keeping herself from slipping deeper into these thoughts in the arms of the man she was supposed to marry.
She still wondered if it had been a good idea to say Yes to his question, but all pointed in that direction. Everyone loved and trusted the Seeker and if the people knew she was marrying him, the people of the Midlands would feel a lot safer and calmer after so many years of war. Even the nobility would openly refrain from scratching at her throne with him at her side. It was a political masterstroke to choose Richard as her husband.
And she knew she could have been happy with him, even gladly have his children once he found a way around Shota's warning, if it wasn't for the blonde Mord'Sith in their midst.
But Richard loved her, truly and unmistakably. It had to be enough. Maybe it would get easier once the years passed.
"...Where are the others?"
"In another room. Zedd and Zane stayed with them, trying to find answers."
"How are they?" Kahlan asked softly, wondering if they were just as beside themselves as she was. I'm in shock. Might not be the worst state to be in at the moment.
"Well... Cara is Cara. Brooding, stoic, pursing her lips and all that. You know." They shared a small grin.
"And.. Noa?"
"She's having a small panic attack. It's not every day that you find out that both your parents are women."
Kahlan closed her eyes and thought of the young girl. Of the time they had spent on Dazrodha. She had been so jealous then of the younger blonde, and Creator, did she feel foolish for that now. It had been such a petty, vile emotion, now that she knew what Noa... what her daughter - she nearly fainted again - had gone through until meeting the Mord'Sith.
The full implications of this revelation still slipped through her fingers.
"Was I out for long?"
Richard tilted his head towards the window, checking the time. "About half an hour, maybe longer. You should keep lying down for a while, though, you're still pale as a sheet. It's better if we get used to all that happened today."
Too exhausted to argue with that logic, she felt her lids drop again, but not from tiredness. There were so many things she had to think about. And she wanted to do it with the image of Cara in her mind.
We have a daughter.
____________________
"Ohdearohdearohdearohdearohdear-..."
"Oh, for the love of... kid! Snap out of it!"
Noa swallowed her next words in surprise, trying to get her agitation under control. She had been moving in small, quick circles, just as white as her unconscious mother had been before Richard had carried her out of the room. The girl looked just as ready to drop to the floor.
Cara sighed, relieved that the kid had stopped. Her own shock was still bone-deep, but it appeared as if she, Zedd and Richard were the only ones that could handle it better. Zane was still sitting numbly on the couch, totally in over his head with all that had occurred and too much of a stranger to do anything to ease the situation.
Cara pinched the bridge of her nose.
We have a daughter?! How did that... when could it... Spirits, you're taunting me.
"Can someone explain to me how the heck it's possible that two women can have children these days? Without them knowing? Did I forgot to listen in biology class or what?" the young man burst out in confusion, both hands placed atop his head.
"I have to admit that not even I am quite sure how that might have happened... I just know that it is the truth. I rechecked the spell two times." Zedd was obviously trying to make sense of it. "And that Noa was able to use the portal stone that had imprinted on Kahlan to get to this world was the most obvious evidence."
Cara groaned and rubbed her temple. Not only did she get her daughter back... no, as the fates would have it, she would find out that the other parent had to be the woman she felt drawn to like no other. Figures. At least they didn't have to worry about Darken Rahl anymore.
How could she have been so blind? It was... it was blatant! More than a slap in the face! No wonder that she had been reminded of someone when she looked at the girl, there were so many hints... It seemed as if she hadn't wanted to see the truth than ran around like crazy in front of her.
Literally.
"Stop moving, damn it! You're driving me crazy with your circling!"
"But I can't sit still," Noa whined back and bit her lip, staying jittery on the spot she had paused on. Her eyes darted left and right - a blue and a green one, perfect mirrors of Cara's and Kahlan's colors, was she retarded to miss this?! - and the image snapped a memory into her head that had her frozen.
But... of course. More memories clinked into place, and suddenly there were so many events that made sense now. There was so much that made sense now!
"Zane. Zedd. Out."
"But-.."
"Out. Now," she growled at the wizard and survival instincts made him move in an instant.
"Come, my boy, I'm sure they have a lot to talk about. You can help me search some books while we wait."
They hurriedly left through another door and the Mord'Sith started pacing along the floor, flexing her hands like an anxious panther. The dangerous gleam in her eyes had Noa slink back to the herd with her agitation gone, replaced by guarded apprehension.
"You lied to me!" Cara finally hissed at her daughter.
Indignant, Noa set her shoulders. "I never-..."
"I'm talking about the moment we opened the portal back home, remember? And about everything else: Yes, you didn't tell me, which may count to you as not outright lying. You kept it hidden. Even though I was your most trusted person you didn't even once think to explain to me what else happened in Srath?" she growled, slinking nearer to a trembling Noa.
The girl's gaze focused on the flickering flames. Her lips were tightly pressed together and she looked somewhere in between wanting to cry or shout. It appeared that Cara was hitting a well hidden nerve.
Cara realized what Noa was trying to do when she stopped moving even an inch, not even blinking. Her instincts told her to hide, to be still, to vanish and be overlooked.
"Don't you dare keep quiet now. This is way bigger than you or me. And it doesn't make you a bad person, whatever you might think."
"But... that's the problem. They believed I was vile!" Noa suddenly burst out in despair. "When they beat me all those years, I saw truth in their eyes. How can you trust in yourself to be something good, to expect someone else to believe it, when the whole world around you doesn't? How?"
Cara resumed her pacing, rubbing her face with gloved hands when all the puzzle pieces started to show themselves.
"The day I found you, you weren't afraid of me just because I was another human being. You couldn't read me, that had you on edge. You didn't know what to expect and that worried you." Her words were spilling forth faster now. "That was why you were so daring with the citizens. Since you knew when they would be getting suspicious, you didn't worry about changing the bandage on your head every few days. And you were so good with the animals... because you understood the impulsive truth in them."
She swirled around to her daughter, observing how Noa's throat was working with trying to keep her emotions under control.
"And then there was Rorsh," Cara added softly. She could only shake her head in amazement at overlooking all that. "You're a Confessor and I never suspected it even once until hearing that Kahlan is your.. other mother."
No one of the two blondes said anything for a while, Cara unable to decipher her child's thoughts as she was turned fully towards the fire, her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest.
How did it come to this? And there isn't even anyone to blame but ourselves.
Then Noa started to speak, under her breath, with a defeated, tired note in her voice and nothing else.
"I... I 'confessed' someone for the first time when I was three and unaware of my powers," she began without looking at her mother.
"It was a family father that had tried to hit me when I wanted to play with his children and I accidently touched him because I was panicking. He then followed me... for days. I cried and didn't understand why he came after me everywhere. Grandma ordered me to get rid of him before the whole village would kill us both, so... I told him what she said to me: That I never wanted to see him again as long as he lived."
Cara saw the shadows play on the wall, dreading what was going to come soon. Confessor powers were an unforgiving gift.
She wasn't wrong.
"One day later they found him in the barn, hanging. He had killed himself without regard for his family. I saw how they got him down. I guess that was my first murder."
The Mord'Sith closed her eyes in pain.
"I confessed more people, all of them out of accident, before I learned to control this... thing I had in me. An older woman. A young boy. A mother. A daughter. It didn't matter. Once confessed, the villagers killed most of them before I could do anything, trying to safe their corrupted souls from me. They were too afraid to do anything but beat me with sticks then whenever they saw me. But then, two years after the last person I confessed, they came to my grandma's house and... when she was dead, I was able to flee and hide for two weeks before they found me and dragged me into the woods with ropes, so that they could kill me."
"And I found you," Cara concluded, gripping her Agiel so tightly she thought either it or her hand would break any second. "What happened in Rorsh?"
"The moment I saw you go down, I snapped. It was... surprisingly easy to confess everyone in my sight. I was furious. I had never been so furious before in my life." Noa took a notable shaky breath.
"What did you tell them?"
Cara was only able to see the outline of her child's face. She could see the white-knuckled grip on her fists, though.
"I told them to rip themselves apart. To not keep anyone alive, not even themselves. I wanted them to hurt, just like me, more than me. I watched the carnage and when the last one dropped, I... I knew that they had been right, that I... I'm... I'm a monster, a demon, something... bad."
It was then that the first sobs broke through and Noa covered her face in her hands while she gasped for air, shoulders heaving in pain, her voice laced with tears. "How could I have told you? I didn't want you to be scared of me, to hate me! I couldn't have survived that, everything but that. When Zane told me about Confessors and that they confessed people I didn't make the connection until I overheard them talk about the details in Aydindril. And that... that Mord'Sith are the Confessors greatest enemies."
Cara couldn't bear to see the suddenly so small frame of her daughter shake with soul-wracking grief any longer and she walked over, picking the slim girl from the ground and sitting down on a couch with Noa on her lap, who wrapped her arms around her mother within seconds.
"You're not a monster, Noa. You're my... our daughter. That's all that counts." The Mord'Sith stroked a hand up and down her back, making soothing noises into the girl's ear while Noa pressed herself close and cried and cried.
"I- I don't w-want to h-have this," Noa gasped out and Cara became afraid that the girl would pass out from the lack of oxygen, so hard was she weeping.
"I know," she simply replied, unable to help with this fate. "It's okay."
"It w-was all my f-fault... t-they hated m-me. I can't... can't stand to be h-hated."
"No one's hating you here. We won't, I swear." Cara's words were calm, imploring.
After long minutes Noa seemed to calm down a little, still sobbing softly into her mother's neck guard. "I'm so sorry... I don't w-want to kill anyone that way again."
She was only three. I killed for the first time when I was twelve... Noa, I'm so sorry for not being there sooner. It wasn't your fault.
"Shhh," Cara patted the short hair, understanding now how much pain the kid had to endure back then to get rid of the strands to create the small flower. She hugged her even closer. "You're in Aydindril, the home of the Confessors. Everything you don't understand can be taught to you here."
There was a pause as the girl gathered herself. Noa sniffed and slowly pulled back, melting Cara's heart with the sadness and guilt that still resided in her eyes. "Can Kahlan teach me?"
"You two are the only Confessors left," she explained, easing her fingers out of their gloves and then wiping away the wetness on Noa's cheeks. A slight blush crept onto the tanned skin beneath her hand.
"I'm sorry for not telling. And crying. And a dozen other things I can't think of right now."
"It's fine. We all make mistakes. Now forget what happened on Darza, it's long past. First we have to deal with the fact that you have another mother."
Both blondes shared a look, equally confused about how that might have come to pass. But with all secrets now out in the open and both of them drained from the night, they stayed silent, content with being together after all this time.
"And now," Cara proclaimed towards her after long minutes with a glare, "we're going to talk about 'sacrificing ourselves to ensure our mothers get home safely'... ring a bell?"
Noa ducked her head with a weak half-grin.
__________________
It wasn't her place. That's what Kahlan believed when she stood before the door to the common room in the very early morning hours, unsure if she should join the two blondes or not.
As Noa's mother she had a right to come inside and connect with her daughter, but... reality was different. They were strangers to each other and Noa was so focused on Cara that it seemed like stealing away a piece of their closeness when trying to force herself into the group.
Maybe she would leave it to Noa to set the pace of their relationship. It was at least worth a try to see how the two were doing right now... and there were important matters to discuss if she proved correct. She just needed to see if they were okay and steal a glance at her... daughter.
Opening the door with her heart beating fast, filled with a sense of trepidation and anticipation, she walked inside with a view around the interior. The image that greeted her warmed her down to the core.
Noa was sitting on Cara's legs, feet dangling and swinging relaxed while she talked to the older blonde about something that had Cara's lips curling in a seldom smile, her chin propped up on a curled fist. They both looked up when Kahlan walked closer.
The girl slipped down on the ground and made a few hesitant steps in the brunette's direction until both stood in front of each other filled with awkwardness.
Licking her lips, Noa adopted a straight pose and carefully said with the best resemblance of seriousness that was in her nature, "Good morning, mother."
Kahlan felt her heart swell with happiness and she wrung her hands nervously with a smile. "Hello Noa." Tense silence. ".. uh... would it... is it okay if I hugged you?" she asked, remembering that the girl had always greeted any kind of touch with a certain sort of stiffness.
Noa half-shrugged, half-nodded and Kahlan came close, wrapping her arms around the tumbler and holding the girl close, smiling brighter when her daughter reciprocated the hug. And just like that all strangeness dissipated into the familiarity the two shared deep in their hearts, born from the same blood flowing in their veins. Her eyes found Cara's in the distance and she smirked at the pronounced eye roll of the blonde.
"Some might think you're seeing each other for the first time," Cara drawled when the two stepped apart again.
"Well, in a way we do," Kahlan replied and mustered the face of her daughter with interest. Then she placed a hand on Noa's shoulder and led the girl with her to where Cara sat, taking a seat across from the older blonde. She took Noa's hands in her own and glanced up in the two different eye-colors, adopting a sense of graveness.
"Noa... if you're my child, then..."
"She's a Confessor, Kahlan," Cara shortened the hesitant questioning down.
Noa scrunched up her face in distaste.
Seeing the reaction, Kahlan gently squeezed her fingers. "It's a gift, Noa."
"It's a curse, nothing else."
"I understand that you might see it like that," Kahlan carefully replied in a compassionate voice, "but when you start learning what it really means to be a Confessor, you might change your opinion. It's a heavy burden and brings with it great responsibility, but you will see how much good it can do in this world."
Looking towards Cara, the two women shared a long, meaningful glance that had Noa look between them in confusion. "What? What is it?"
"I already know what that means," Cara said in return to the unspoken words she and the brunette had shared right now.
Kahlan nodded and looked back up to Noa's youthful face. She took a deep breath. "This is going to come as a shock, but... Noa, as the second-to-last Confessor and my daughter... you will be the next Mother Confessor. The ruler of all the Midlands."
"Holy storms... tell me you're joking," Noa gasped with horror.
Cara pinched the bridge of her nose. "This all feels like a cheesy bed time story," she grumbled with exhaustion.
"I mean, look at me! I'm not a ruler, I'm an artist!" She gazed imploringly at both her parents. "This isn't going to work... pick someone else!"
"We can't. It's the law, since three thousand years. There is no other human being that could take your rightful seat." Kahlan let her shoulders drop in sadness.
"Mom?" The hopeful gleam in Noa died the second she watched Cara shake her head. She deflated, dragging a hand through the short, wild hair, exhaustion and the redness around her eyes making her seem even more tired. "I think I really need a few hours of sleep right now."
"Will you find back to my room?" her blonde mother asked with a furrowed brow.
Noa nodded, turning around with a mumbled "See you later" and quickly leaving them to find some time for herself, almost fleeing the room. Those were a few revelations too much for one night.
Kahlan sighed deeply with a look of regret and leaned backward in her chair. "I should have waited until later before telling her this, shouldn't I?"
"Maybe. It's useless to muse about What If's now."
They both let themselves be hypnotized by the dancing light of the embers in the herd, that had dimmed noticeably since the time they had sat here after coming back from the city. It was a comfortable kind of quiet, but both their minds were too occupied with the recent events to relish it.
It was inevitable that their thoughts turned to the woman beside them and that their eyes found each other in the dimness. Kahlan didn't feel herself stand up and sit beside the Mord'Sith on the couch, her hand straying to hold the darker one between her own.
"We need to-..."
"No." Cara interrupted her with a calm tone that snapped the brunette's mouth shut. "We don't need to talk. We shouldn't talk." Not with the marriage coming closer. Not with our duty. Not with a land that will refuse our closeness.
The Confessor watched where her thumb stroked the smooth skin of the blonde's knuckles. Cara was right and the truth of it closed off her throat. Yet she couldn't pull away and the other woman didn't either.
But it was so hard to keep away, much harder than she had the strength to endure today. Not with the two of them right here. Not with the knowledge that they had a child.
Before she could utter another word though, Cara seemed to know that she couldn't keep the distance up and raised her hand to seal Kahlan's lips with her forefinger, while the others lay against her chin. There was unhidden longing in the Mord'Sith's eyes, need and pain that warred with each other.
Kahlan's lids fluttered close at the touch on her skin, but the yearning to see the blonde opened them back up. She wanted to drown in cyan green and fade away from the world, so that they never had to part again. The finger drifted to the corner of her mouth, gently, so much softer than she had ever imagined and she marveled at Cara's shuddering breath when she exhaled through her slightly parted lips and against the skin of the blonde's hand.
"It can't be," Cara half-pleaded, half-bemoaned the wish in Kahlan's deep blueness and the answering call in her own flesh.
"I know," Kahlan whispered in return, touching her forehead to Cara's. "I know."
It was only the world that stood between them, with both women clawing at the sides to reach each other, to no other prevail than hurting themselves while trying.
And with that they parted into the night, so close and yet so far. It was only the late hour that had them sleep deeply and not wondering what 'it' really was in the other woman's mind.
_______________
A/N: Looks like reading truth in other people's eyes can be a curse or a blessing for Confessors :]
From here on come what I call the somewhat-goofy parts. At least for a while. So heads up, no one's dying or getting terminally ill or something other heartbreaking for a while *snicker*