Screaming Color - Ch 3. Blank Space
Title: Screaming Color (3/14)
Rating: Mature
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Warnings: Past abuse (physical and emotional), referenced rape/non-con
Disclaimer: I do not personally know, nor do I own, Jensen or Jared. This is purely fictional.
Summary (shortened): Jared escapes his hometown, and his past, for a fresh start in the bright and busy city of New York. Jensen has been stationed in the city for the better part of the last four years. When they finally get together, neither one wants to let their fears or scars hold them back. But when the world around you doesn’t actually know you, and the demons of your past threaten to break you, can love really conqueror all?
A/N: Any feedback is welcome! It fuels the fire :)
Chapter Three: Blank Space
“So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it’s over
If the high was worth the pain
…
’Cause we’re young and we’re reckless
We’ll take this way too far
It will leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar.”
'Blank Space' by Taylor Swift, 1989
It had been two weeks since he had arrived to the city, and Jared was finally starting to get into a routine. He worked three scheduled shifts a week, Monday, Thursday and Friday, and had his first on-call weekend coming up. Usually he had been out of work and back at his apartment right before 7am hit. Last night however, they had four emergency cases. Even with the busy case load, Jared managed to only go a half hour over his shift. He grabbed his street clothes from his locker, shoved them into his messenger bag, and decided he would change and shower at home today.
Lennox Hospital was only around four blocks away from Jared’s apartment - a ten minute walk at most. He slung his bag up over his shoulder and stepped out onto the city streets, the June heat already starting to swelter despite it being so early in the morning. He had the next two days off before his next shift… and no excuse not to finish unpacking the rest of his house. He made a pit stop at a Starbucks for a coffee and allowed himself to get lost in planning which boxes to take apart until he reached the front doors of his building.
Marcus was waiting for him, as usual, with a smile on his face as he pushed open the golden doors.
“Good Morning, Mr. Padalecki! Long night?” He asked, seeing Jared was still in scrubs.
“Not too bad… but I am not unhappy that my bed is only a few more steps!” Marcus laughed his agreement and moved to open the door for someone else.
“Have a good day, Mr. Ackles.”
“Thanks Mark!” Jared froze as the familiar voice washed over him. He turned slightly and was face to face with Jensen. “Jared?”
“Uh, hello Jensen.” Jared swallowed hard, taking a step back away from the doors, knowing full well that Jensen would follow. This was definitely not something he had been expecting this morning…. The frist week of work, every morning Jared had been terrified he would bump into Jensen in the lobby or get trapped with him on the elevator.
“So…” Jensen cleared his throat, positioning himself directly in front of Jared when Jared stopped moving. “You live here too? How are you?”
“Yeah… I’m good, you?” He tried to smile but knew it probably looked more pained than pleasant. Jared couldn’t decipher the look in Jensen’s eyes… He had his arms crossed over his chest and was wearing his army uniform. Jensen did look sexy in uniform. Jared bit his lower lip and then sighed. “Look, I’m really sorry about the other night. I shouldn’t have just bolted…. It’s just not the right time for me, you know? And I shouldn’t have…” He trailed off as Jensen held up a hand.
“You don’t owe me any explanation, it’s really okay.” Jared nodded, surprised at the pang of disappointment he felt in his chest. Jensen exhaled slowly, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. He looked up to meet Jared’s eyes, a determination in them. He reached out, grabbing Jared’s hand and turning it up. “You left before I was able to give you this… I’d like to do dinner again.” He jotted his number down on Jared’s palm.
“Jensen…” Jared started, looking down at the number and immediately missing the warmth of the other man’s hand.
“Just dinner, Jared.” Jensen promised, shoving the pen into one of the pockets on his jacket. “No expectations… I really enjoyed chatting with you. I have to go, I’m already running late. Just text me, or call me, okay?” Jared mumbled okay, still looking at the number. That was definitely not what he expected. When he looked up, Jensen was waving goodbye to Marcus and waving an arm for a cab.
In the elevator, Jared stared at his palm, torn between licking his thumb to rub it off, and giving a fist pump in the air. If he was completely honest with himself, there hadn’t been a day he hadn’t thought of Jensen at least once. Every time he went into the lobby, he did a scan of the people, seeking him out. He told himself it was so he could avoid the other man and potential embarrassment. In reality, he knew he just wanted to see those green eyes again.
He sighed, stepping out onto his floor. There was something wrong with him. He was the one who left, running out like a lunatic. What right did he have to pine over something that he chose to mess up? He let himself into the apartment and threw himself over the couch, pulling out his phone. Should he text him?
He leaned his head against the arm rest and closed his eyes. He had meant what he said… it wasn’t the right time for a relationship, if anything, two weeks ago proved that. If he had thought about Jensen once a day? He had been reminded of Chad at least five times a day.
But Jensen had just said dinner… He had enjoyed their conversation. Jensen was more than just a pretty face and nice body - he was smart, funny, and opinionated. He actually listened to the things Jared had to say.
He needed to make friends… and Jensen said no expectations. It was an extension of friendship… that started off as a botched one night stand. That was perfectly normal, right? Hanging out with him wasn’t going to be the end of the world.
It’s Jared. I’m free tonight. If you want, I can make you dinner? He typed the text and then added Jensen’s number to his phone. As it sent, a moment of panic went through him. Should he have waited? Jensen had given him his number not even ten minutes ago. He didn’t want to seem desperate, or send the wrong message. Maybe he should text him again and emphasize the friendship thing…
“Jared, stop.” He muttered to himself, tossing the phone on the couch beside him. He glanced at it, waiting to see if it would light up with a response. Jensen wasn’t texting him back… maybe he thought Jared was coming on too strong by texting too soon? Jared bit his lower lip and grabbed the phone again, opening the message thread. The message displayed received, but as Jensen didn’t have an iPhone, Jared would just have to wait for a response to know if it had been read.
Why was he anxious over this? He laughed at himself and put the phone back down. There was nothing to be anxious over. He was going to have Jensen over for dinner, so they could talk and relax. It would be nice to have someone over to talk to instead of bugging his parents or his brother and sister. Plus, it would give him a bit more drive to unpack… Pushing off the couch, Jared stripped out of his scrubs and climbed into bed. He would sleep for a few hours and then get to work putting things away.
He set his alarm on his phone for 2pm and hesitated before turning the phone’s sound on. It Jensen replied, he wanted to know. Jared rolled over, pulling an extra pillow over his head and closed his eyes. His stomach still twisted in knots and he checked the phone three more times to make sure the sound really was on and that he hadn’t missed anything coming through.
When his phone rang, he jumped, ripping it out from under the pillow and from the cord in the wall.
“Hello?”
“Hello… why do you sound so excited? Miss me that much?” Jeff laughed on the other line and Jared groaned, sinking back into the pillows.
“I was sleeping.” He replied, letting his eyes fall closed and trying to ignore the sinking feeling of frustration.
“You sound like you were expecting someone.” Jeff said, chuckling.
“No… just got home from work. So I’m just settling in to get some sleep. What’s up?”
“Just hadn’t talked to you in a few days… have you seen lover boy around?”
“No. Don’t call him that.” Jared snapped, and then felt guilty. “I don’t really find that funny.”
“Just a question Jay, calm down. I know you were worried about bumping into him. Maybe you should go and see him, try again or something.” Jeff was trying to sound indifferent but Jared knew what the call was really for.
“You talked to Mom, didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question. When Jeff silence was the only reply, Jared groaned again. “Dude, I can’t tell any of you anything without you all talking about it. Am I the only topic of conversation at the dinner table?”
“She’s just worried about you. We all are, man. When shit got hard, you bolted across the country! And I completely understand, but it’s hard for us to know if you’re okay. Anyways, I just think that from what mom was saying, you seemed to kind of like this guy.” Jeff sighed and Jared could see him sitting at his kitchen table, head in his hands.
“I’m not trying to stress you guys out…” Jared said softly, unexpected tears springing to his eyes. “I’m sorry I messed everything up by leaving.”
“Jay, stop blaming yourself for everything. You aren’t the one who messed up anything. It’s that prick who deserves to be blamed and to feel sorry, not you.” Jared could tell Jeff was trying to reign in his anger, holding back from yelling.
“Doesn’t really feel that way.” Jared whispered, silence falling between them. Jared ran a hand over his face, sighing. “You can tell mom I am seeing him again.” He said after a minute.
“What? You are?” Jeff said, surprise evident in his voice. “That’s great Jay! Like, a date?”
“No… I’m just making him dinner… I need friends, right?”
“Yeah, of course.” Jeff agreed. Jared could practically see him beaming on the other end. “Just friends though?”
“Don’t be pushy, Jeff. I’m not ready for a relationship. I think trusting someone to be in my house for a few hours is already pushing it.” Jared mumbled, fear settling in the pit of his stomach. “Shit, Jeff. I shouldn’t have him over here.”
“Jared, not everyone is going to be like Chad.” Jeff said quickly. “You can’t hold everyone to that standard, you’re going to drive yourself crazy.”
“I’m already crazy.”
“Shut up. You’re not fucking crazy.” Jeff paused for a moment. “If you’re not comfortable with the guy at your house Jay? Then change the plans. You need to trust your gut. Do you remember before things got bad with Chad that conversation we had camping? You always need to trust your gut, you should have trusted it back then.”
“Yeah, I know.” Jared sighed, biting his lower lip. “It’s just dinner.”
“Good, Jay. You’ll have fun. It will be nice to have a friend again, you know? But if he’s into the Mets, you can’t be his friend.”
“He’s from Texas too.” Jared laughed.
“Good, then he will like the correct sports teams.” Jeff said, Jared smiling at his brother’s tone. “I’ll let you get some sleep… But Jay? If you need me, you just let me know, okay? I will fly out there if you need me, no questions asked. And if this guy does anything? I’ll kill him.”
“Love you, Jeff. I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?”
“Love you man. Have fun tonight, and relax.”
Jared hung up the phone and sighed. He chewed on the inside of his lip, thinking about Jensen. There wasn’t any reason to be nervous… Jensen wasn’t Chad. Hell, they weren’t even in a relationship. There was nothing to be worried about, he was in complete control here.
I would love to. I’ll bring the wine. I’ll be there at 6. - J
As Jared’s phone lit up with the message, his heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face. Oh yeah, complete control.
“Dude, why are you so happy?” Tom punched Jensen’s shoulder, snapping his attention back.
“No reason.” Jensen smiled, tucking his phone back into his pocket. He hadn’t expected Jared to text him back today at all, even though he had been hopeful and had been checking his phone nearly every five minutes, just in case.
“You’re so strange.” Tom rolled his eyes. “You get your list yet?”
“Yeah, I have to go drop it off still. Had to get the last few to sign their names. How about you?” Jensen turned to look up at his friend who was shoving his hands deep into the multiple pockets on his pants. Finally, he found what he was looking for and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper.
“Got it.” Tom smiled, trying to smooth out the paper.
“That’s professional.” Jensen rolled his eyes and took it from Tom’s hands. “I’ll meet you at the range. Qualifications today.” Tom nodded at him and took off in the other direction. Jensen made his way to the large brick building of offices where he knew the First Sergeant would be.
“Sergeant Ackles.” Jensen stood at attention, saluting as First Sergeant Morgan met him at the door. “At ease.”
“First Sergeant.” Jensen nodded at him. “I have the list of both my and Sergeant Welling’s teams that are volunteering for deployment.” Morgan took the pages from Jensen and chuckled.
“I guess we know which one came from Sergeant Welling.” Jensen nodded and waited as Morgan scanned the names on the pages. “Follow me.” He said after a moment, turning around to walk down the hallway. He found an empty room and waved to a chair set up in front of a desk. “How do you like the sound of Staff Sergeant Ackles?”
“Sir?” Jensen asked, lowering himself into the chair. “I think it sounded better than Sergeant and Specialist.”
“How would you feel about Sergeant First Class?” Jensen’s eyes shot up as he looked at Morgan carefully.
“What?” He asked, then quickly added, “Sir?”
“I see you have volunteered for this deployment, and after your experience and performance of your last tour… that makes us very happy. Now, nothing is official yet, but it had been suggested and received in good favor, to promote you. How would you feel about that?”
“I… I don’t know what to say, Sir.” Jensen said after a moment, heart racing in his chest as he tried to process. “Excuse me Sir… but seriously? Me?”
“You think the commander should be looking at someone else?” Morgan chuckled and shook his head. “Your modesty is one of the reasons why your team likes you so much, Ackles. I need a new senior tactical advisor when we go over, Sergeant Duff is leaving us this fall and will not be deploying. I think you would be perfect for the position.” He pushed up out of his chair and pulled his beret out of his pocket. “Now, I believe we have qualifications to oversee?” Jensen pulled himself to his feet and followed him out of the building, still shocked. First Sergeant Morgan nodded at him before taking his leave and leaving Jensen standing in the middle of the parking lot before the building. He laughed to himself, not believing the turn this day had taken.
He had gotten to see Jared, set up a dinner date, and was getting promoted. He headed towards the shooting range, not caring to keep the smile from his face.
***
“So, you never answered me about tonight.” Tom threw himself into a seat as they climbed into the subway. Jensen smiled kindly at a woman, and waved his hand to give her the seat beside Tom. He stood in front of his friend, leaning against a bar as the Subway lurched forward.
“I have plans.” Jensen smirked at his friend. “So no, I can’t go with you to the bar.”
“Plans? With who? You know you can’t resist me.” Tom shoved his lower lip out, pretending to be hurt. “Who’s the lucky lady?”
“Who says it’s a lady?” Jensen said without thinking, then quickly moved to cover his mistake. “I could have a hot date with Netflix and a frozen pizza. I can’t spend every day with you, people will start to think we’re an item.”
“You would be lucky to have me, darling.” Tom emphasized ‘darling’ with his poor attempt of a thick Texan drawl. “But seriously man, you have a date?”
“I have dinner plans, not a date.” Jensen nodded, bracing himself as the Subway came to a halt.
“Right. So you’re not going to plan on getting your dick wet?” Tom rolled his eyes, throwing his arm over the back of the seat of the woman beside him. He gave her a wink before turning his attention back to Jensen.
“You’re impossible, you know that?” Jensen had long gotten over being embarrassed over the things that came out of his friend’s mouth. The woman beside him, however, looked revolted and eyed the train for the closest available exit.
“Just know what I want, Jen.” Tom shrugged, checking out the woman’s backside as she made a beeline for an empty seat across the car. “All yours, buddy.” Jensen rolled his eyes and took the empty seat.
“Ever think about settling down? Having a real date instead of just drunken sex?”
“Dude, if a chick can make an impression on me after a night of shit faced sex? I’d marry her.”
“Again, you’re impossible.”
“So… is that what this is?” Tom asked, eying him carefully. “You’re thinking of having an actual relationship?”
“I don’t know. Why do I have to put a label on it? I’m having dinner.” Jensen shrugged. If it just so happened to turn into a relationship… That thought sent fear tumbling through Jensen’s stomach. After one night of just being in Jared’s company, he had found himself thinking nonstop about the younger man, and not just the feel of his lips or his body. Although those had gotten him through a few quick orgasms in the shower imaging what the night could have resulted in, he found himself seeing things around him that he instantly thought Jared would find interesting and wanted to share with him.
There no reason to be nervous. This is just dinner. Jared made it clear, in more ways than one, that he wasn’t ready to pursue a romantic relationship. They could just start out as friends… Jensen needed friends, everyone needed friends. It didn’t matter that this was possibly one of the hottest friends that Jensen would ever have, or that he was all Jensen could think about.
He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to pull back on his emotions. It had been far too long since he had felt something more than lust for another person. Lust, sex, was easy and safe. Relationships were messy and painful… his last relationship hadn’t exactly ended that well…
”I can’t do this anymore, Jensen.” Tears streamed down his boyfriend’s face as he ripped clothes out of the drawers of their dresser and shoved them into an oversized duffel bag.
“Baby,” Jensen pleaded, “I didn’t know that was going to happen…”
“That’s because it shouldn’t have Jensen!” The other man spun around, anger in his eyes. “We should be able to walk down the street holding hands. I should be able to lean over the table and kiss you at dinner. I shouldn’t have to worry about what I say in front of your so-called friends. I shouldn’t have to walk out of work to have ‘faggot’ scraped across my car.”
“Adam…” Jensen closed his eyes against the tears blinding him. “I’m so sorry baby… We will get the car fixed. I can talk to -“
“No, Jensen.” Adam turned back around to finish packing his clothes. “I’m done pretending I’m your brother to get onto base. You know where I’m from, no one bats an eye if you’re gay. Sure, you always have people that are going to be homophobic, but here? You’re lucky to find one person who accepts you.”
“You can’t leave me Adam… We can fix this. I want to make you happy.”
“Then come with me. I’m not staying here. You can come with me or you can stay here.” Adam zipped up the bag and turned to face Jensen for the last time.
“You know that I can’t.” Jensen swallowed hard. Adam nodded. He knew that. He knew Jensen had no control over where he lived or where he went, he knew Jensen would try to make things easier for them, he knew Jensen would come up with another plan to keep them safe and keep them happy. Adam kissed him softly before walking out of Jensen’s life forever.
Jensen shut the still opened drawers to the dresser and sat on the edge of the bed. Adam was right… Being here in Texas, being in the military, being in a position of some power at his job… He had to be two different people. And he couldn’t be the one he was with Adam… He sighed and stood to get the trash can from the kitchen, carefully sweeping away any trace of Adam and their relationship that had been left behind.
“Well, let me know how just dinner works out for you.” Tom said, pushing himself up as the subway came to its next stop. Jensen blinked out of his thoughts, nodding quickly to Tom. “I’ll ask you about all the juicy details for the after dinner entertainment tomorrow.”
“Bye Tom.” Jensen laughed, pulling out his phone as Tom exited the train. It was just dinner, they were just friends.
White or red? He texted Jared, butterflies spinning in his stomach as he waited for a reply. He knew he was being ridiculous… but that didn’t stop the goofy grin from spreading on his face when Jared replied White!.
Jensen got off the subway and walked to Agata and Valentia, a small specialty store on the corner beside his building. Although they were on the pricey side, even for New York City, Jensen had never had a better pastry than the ones he bought here. He browsed the wine section, selecting a simple pinot grigio and made his way to the back of the store. He browsed the case for a moment before making his selection.
“Evening Mark.” He smiled as the door was pressed open for him.
“Busy tonight?” Marcus asked, looking at the bottle of wine and box he was carrying.
“Yes, Sir.” Jensen smiled at him and made his way to the elevator. He rode it to his floor and sent Jared a quick text.
Just showering and changing. What number are you? Jensen stripped out of his uniform, throwing it over the bathroom door, and jumped under the hot spray. He washed quickly, eager to be in Jared’s company. He dried off, pulling on a pair of jeans and a simple navy t-shirt.
515E. Door is unlocked, can’t leave the sauce. Jensen read the text before shoving the phone into his pocket. He went back to the bathroom again, running a hand through his hair so it shot up in wet spikes. He smoothed out his shirt and then sighed. If it was just dinner, why was he so nervous about how he looked? Pulling himself away from his reflection he grabbed the bottle of wine and box from the counter, only stopping at the closet to grab Jared’s coat he had left.
He rode the elevator down a floor and hiked Jared’s coat higher up on his arm as he inhaled deeply, standing before Jared’s door. He tucked the bottle of wine under his arm to rap twice on the door before pushing it open.
“You got this.” He whispered to himself, reminding himself it was just dinner.
“Hey!” Jared called out from the kitchen, feeling his body tense up as he heard Jensen knock at the door.
“Hey.” Jensen called back, appearing in the kitchen a few minutes later. “God, that smells amazing.”
“I hope you don’t mind pasta… Chicken and broccoli alfredo? It’s pretty much the only dish I can make that doesn’t come from a bunch of different boxes.” Jared smiled over his shoulder at Jensen.
“I brought wine, dessert, and your jacket.” Jensen raised each in turn, laying the first two on the counter top.
“Oh.” Jared felt his cheeks burn red. “Forgot to grab that, didn’t I?” Jensen smiled at him and out of the doorway into the living room.
“It took me literately three months to get all of my boxes unpacked. How the hell did you do this so quickly?” Jensen padded out into the living room and Jared realized he must have kicked his shoes off at the door.
“Well… I have four days off a week… I can only stare at the boxes for so long.” He replied, reaching above his head to grab a strainer from the cabinet. He pulled the sauce he had been stirring off of the heat and grabbed a pot of pasta to drain in the sink. He shook out the pasta before dumping it into the pot of sauce, adding the chicken and broccoli. From the oven he pulled out a loaf of garlic bread.
“Need any help?” Jensen asked reappearing without the jacket.
“Almost done… I ordered a kitchen table, but it hasn’t gotten here yet. Do you have any qualms about sitting in the living room?”
“Nope, if there’s food, I’m happy.” Jensen laughed. Jared swallowed hard, watching as Jensen leaned back against the counter, crossing his legs at his ankles. Jensen’s small smirk had Jared wondering if he knew how sexy he was and was purposefully driving him crazy.
“Self serve.” He said, reaching into the cabinet to grab three plates and handing one to Jensen. He grabbed their silverware as Jensen moved to the pot of alfredo and started scooping a helping onto his plate. “I’ll bring in the garlic bread.”
“I’ve got the wine!” Jensen said picking up the bottle and his plate and moving on towards the living room. Jared served himself, and then cut up the garlic bread, piling it onto a plate. As he turned to head to the living room he almost slammed into Jensen.
“Sorry!” Jensen smiled, reaching out to grab Jared’s shoulder’s to steady him. “Where are the wine glasses and corkscrew?”
“Glasses are in… that cabinet I think?” Jared nodded his head in the direction he believed he put them away in. “Corkscrew is in the drawer by the stove.” He went into the living room, Jensen following close behind him. He sat down, watching as Jensen opened up the wine and poured them both a glass.
“So…” Jensen cleared his throat and raised up his glass. “To new friends.” He said after a moment, clinking glasses with Jared.
“New friends.” Jared smiled back, relieved when Jensen started to eat. He relaxed back into the couch, picking up his own plate, willing himself to stop being so nervous.
“Oh my god, this is so good.” Jensen said, closing his eyes as he took another bite. Jared smiled at him, watching the way he pulled the fork from his mouth, the way his eyes rolled back slightly before he closed them. Jared exhaled slowly, his own plate of food forgotten. This was going to be a lot harder than he thought if watching the other man simply eat made him want to crawl across the couch and press his lips against him. “I don’t think I’ve ever had alfredo this good.” Jensen opened his eyes again, making Jared look away quickly.
“Yeah? Thanks… good!” He stammered, forcing a smile as he reached for a piece of bread. “Want a piece?” Jensen nodded, chuckling as he accepted the bread from Jared.
“So…” Jensen said, taking a bite of his bread. “How’s it been so far? I remember when I first moved up here, it took a bit for me to get settled.”
“Not too bad… I work at the hospital right down the street, so I’ve been able to stay pretty close… only branching out when I feel ready for it.” Jensen nodded, understanding completely how overwhelming the city could be. Jared knew that even though they were both from large cities in Texas, there was nowhere else quite like New York City.
“So what made you move to the city?” Jensen asked after a moment, reaching for his wine.
“Oh, well…” Jared felt his stomach tighten. He should have expected this question… “I, uh… had a bad relationship experience… Couldn’t stay there anymore.” Silence fell over them and Jared waited for the next question. When nothing came, he slowly looked up to see Jensen staring at him sadly.
“Yeah… I know exactly how that is.” He said, almost bitterly, before taking another sip of his wine. “That’s why I asked for a transfer. Fresh start, right?” He gave Jared a brilliant smile. “What do you like most about the city?”
And with that, the awkwardness was forgotten. Jared was glad Jensen hadn’t pushed the subject of Chad. If he had a bad experience… he probably completely understood not wanting to talk about it. They ate the rest of their dinner, Jensen telling Jared about the ‘go-to’ and ‘never step foot in, ever’ of the shops and restaurants around their building.
“I actually got us dessert from that store right around the corner. They have the best pastries around, I’m not even kidding. I saw this in the display case, and I couldn’t help myself.” They had moved to the kitchen, Jensen was washing their plates while Jared was putting away the leftovers. “I hope you like chocolate… I’ve got a sweet tooth like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Who doesn’t like chocolate?” Jared laughed, pulling two more plates out from the cabinet.
“Okay, good.” Jensen smiled, reaching behind himself to grab a knife from the drawer. Jared laughed to himself-Jensen almost knew the kitchen better than he did. “Look at this beauty.” He pulled the top of the box off to reveal a simple looking chocolate cake. “Chocolate silk cake, it looks simple, but it’s anything but.”
“Well, are you going to cut it or not?” Jared asked, putting the plates beside the box. Jensen laughed, cutting them both two huge slices and handing Jared a fork.
“Bon Appetit.” Jensen’s attempt at a French accent made Jared laugh and roll his eyes at him.
“Come on.” He nudged at Jensen’s arm to get him back into the living room. “How do you feel about The Walking Dead?” He asked as he took his spot back on the couch. Jensen threw himself on the cushion beside him, Jared’s heart soaring when he noticed he had been a little closer than when they ate dinner.
“Blood, guts and zombies?” Jensen said, taking a huge bite of his cake. “Who doesn’t love that shit?” He said while chewing.
“Dude.” Jared laughed, picking up the remote and flicking through his recorded shows. “I worked last night so I missed it…”
“I won’t spoil anything then.” Jensen said, putting on a serious face. “I wouldn’t want to give it away that a zombie dies.”
“Shut up.” Jared laughed, shoving his shoulder against him. Jensen straightened himself out, laughing. Jared finished his cake and took both of their plates to the kitchen. On the way back he flicked the lights out, leaving only the hallway on. “Okay with you?” he asked as he sat back down.
“If I get too scared, you might have to hold me.” Jensen joked, focusing his attention on the TV. Jared chuckled, turning to the show. Jensen shifted his weight on the couch, curling his legs up underneath him and causing him to lean in closer to Jared. Again, Jared wondered if he was doing this on purpose.
Jared was finding it incredibly difficult to focus on the show and was glad it was recorded so he could watch it again later. Instead, he was engrossed in watching Jensen’s facial expressions as they changed throughout each of the scenes he was watching.
More than once, he caught himself pulling back from running a hand through Jensen’s hair or across his shoulders. He was the one who made it clear he wasn’t ready for a relationship… He sighed, causing Jensen to look up at him in confusion.
“You okay, Jared?” He asked, sitting up a little to face him.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just didn’t get much sleep…” He shrugged, offering Jensen a small smile.
“Well, it’s getting kind of late anyways.” Jensen let his legs fall of the couch to sit up fully, stretching his arms over his head, pulling his shirt up to show a tanned strip of his stomach. “I have to report at 0700.”
“Right.” Jared nodded in agreement, ignoring how disappointed he felt. He realized he didn’t want Jensen to leave yet… “I’m really glad you came over for dinner.”
“I’m really glad you texted me.” Jensen laughed before continuing. “I honestly didn’t know if you were going to.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” Jared asked, confused.
“Well…” Jensen shrugged. “I didn’t know if I did something wrong the last time we… hung out. So I was worried you would immediately ditch my number and try to pretend I didn’t exist.”
“No.” Jared whispered, guilt swimming through him as he realized Jensen had been blaming himself for two weeks. “I am sorry I ran out like that… It really wasn’t you, as cliché as that sounds.”
“I understand.” Jensen said, reaching over to squeeze Jared’s leg. “I know that when I first moved here… I pushed myself to try and find something else really quick… and I wasn’t ready. And…” He stopped for a moment, shaking his head. “Anyways, I understand. And I’m just glad you gave me a second chance to be your friend, instead of remembering me as the horny guy from a bar.” Jensen winked at him and pushed off of the couch.
Jared waited a moment, unsure of what to say before following him into the hallway. Jensen was stooped down, tying up his sneakers. He opened his mouth, then closed it.
“So,” Jensen straightened up, turning to face him. “Next time I’ll make you dinner? I can make Kraft… and Hamburger helper…”
“If you bring dessert again, I’ll make the main course.” Jared said laughing, glad Jensen wanted to see him again - even if he had just completely emphasized they were on a friend basis. Jared moved to open the door to allow him out, ignoring the stab of pain he felt. He had ruined any chance of a relationship with Jensen. It was surprising how much that thought hurt.
“Jared?” Jensen asked, taking a step closer to him, concern etched into his face.
“I’ll text you sometime tomorrow.” Jared smiled, squeezing Jensen’s shoulder. “I hope you have a good rest of your night.” Jensen nodded slowly, chewing on his lower lip as if thinking.
“I don’t usually kiss on the first date…” Jensen trailed off. He closed the space between the two of them, pressing Jared’s back into the opened door. He tipped his head up, meeting Jared’s lips in a soft kiss. Jared kissed him back, heart hammering in his chest. Before he knew it, Jensen pulled back, smiling. “But, this could probably be considered a second date. Goodnight Jared.”
“Goodnight Jensen.” Jared
Chapter Four