Graphics for I'm Broken by pherryt
I'm Broken by pherryt
Summary: "Castiel Novak was 16 years old, and he'd never been kissed. Or, for that matter, had he been the one doing the kissing. Point was…well. That kind of was the point. And normally, it wasn't a state of affairs he would have been much concerned with. Except that everyone else was."
Castiel spends years of his life believing something is wrong with him, that something fundamental inside of him is broken beyond repair. As he gets older and goes away to college with his best friend Hannah - who struggles with her own identity right alongside of him - he discovers there’s so much more out there he’d never dreamed of...so much that makes everything make a hell of a lot more sense to him now.
He dares to hope that he can finally feel comfortable with himself...
Art Post on Ao3
I went back and forth a few times on what I wanted to convey with the cover but settled upon this final product. The story, in itself, is about Castiel and the moments he gets through to becoming himself and being okay with himself. There are many different emotions he goes through, many phases and people who help him on his journey, and I wanted to capture that with the cover.
For the chapter banners, I did a few different styles as well, but went with a re-purposing of the base banner and think it turned out well! Each character is highlighted by name (and of course by their role in the chapter) but Castiel is who is changing and growing. I used the same font and ended up going with a blue that reminded me of Castiel's eyes and, as you'll see for Chapter Nine, Dean's name is the only one that's different because, of course, Dean is different.
I chose to do a 'painted' texture on the art and I hope you guys enjoy it!
((honestly, textured art helps with the texture differences from the older pictures and helps solidify the manips -- plus, it looks cool!))
"What are you saying?" April’s asked, her face blank, making Castiel flounder, unsure of how to proceed. Did she truly not understand, or was she mad and trying to hide it? With no social cues to go on, he forged ahead and nourished the small hope that she wouldn’t react badly.
This picture almost developed itself. It was a pretty straightforward manip and April was Castiel's first real look into relationships and being completely confused by high school girls.
Castiel couldn’t help but laugh, but neither could he or Inias call what Meg did cheating since she wasn’t the one doing it. She merely benefited from Balthazar and Uriel’s antics. Both teens laid their golf clubs at angles around the course so that Meg couldn’t overshoot.
I took creative liberty in creating a 'Balthazar' character and I wanted to highlight Meg and the fact that Castiel did enjoy her friendship and his starting to really question if he was 'normal'.
They remained that way for a while, curled close together, kissing. Castiel splayed his hands across the front of Balthazar's shirt, uncertain, as usual, what to do with them. Lips moved over his, tongues touched, and Balthazar moaned.
Balthazar, to me, was one of the most important characters in Castiel's journey. He made him uncomfortable and safe at the same time, he truly cared for Castiel, and Castiel's first true struggle with himself was during his relationship with Balthazar. This was the first chapter my heart started to break for Castiel. I wanted to highlight Castiel enjoying himself, even just a little bit, in the picture for this chapter because as much as he was uncomfortable, he cared for Balthazar too and had a friend when he needed one.
She answered wearing a dress and heels, and Castiel thought she might have put makeup on. God, she really did think this was a date. Swallowing and praying that he didn’t hurt her too badly, he stopped her before they could get moving.
Hael. Hael, Hael, Hael... like April, Castiel was shown that women can be kind of crazy hah and it doesn't stop at high school. Hael was the first time Castiel was assertive enough to say no and was the first time he truly had a support system behind him. There was another picture of their friend group that didn't come to fruition (seriously, it's embarrassing actually. Gave us a good laugh though). This was an important chapter for Castiel as well as Hannah.
They set down the last two boxes of Sam’s books and moved to sit on the wall by the door. Despite the smile Castiel gave Sam, Sam’s brow remained furrowed with concern, but before he could say more a loud rumble interrupted them and Sam whipped his head around to watch a black car pull up, breaking into a relieved grin.
I love Sam. He might be my favorite character in this fic, maybe. This picture called to me because, really, how can you not love these two together? Sam was an important part of Castiel feeling comfortable in being himself, and this is really where it started.
Castiel was still sitting there, overwhelmed, when there was a quiet knock on his door. He set the papers down and answered, not surprised to see Hannah on the other side.
This was a turning point for Castiel and Hannah, helping both of them become more independent and confident in themselves, and in their friends. Also, this ended up being one of my favorite manips! I started using a new art program and while I've been learning, I feel like this one came out very well :)
Rubbing at his face and taking a breath, Castiel started to talk. -- He expected no answer, and he got none. Feeling drained, as he always did after visiting Jimmy in the hospice, he left and rejoined Gabriel.
Jimmy was an important character to Castiel and in fueling Castiel's guilt at being different. He didn't believe his brother would've been, Jimmy would've been normal, and the internal struggle he battles throughout his acceptance of himself as who he is and where his life has taken him, is a hard journey.
Dean ran around to the other side of the car and hopped in, slamming the door behind him and turning the car on with a rumble, cranking up the heat.
This scene made me fall in love with Dean and you realize the strength of the friends Castiel has surrounded himself with. Change, is hard. Battling your inner demons alone, is harder. But when you have the friend's Castiel does at your back? Things really will be okay.
This picture was also another one of my favorites. It's actually straight from a screen shot and I added in the rain drops at the widow and shifted the colors around a bit. You can see this picture type come back in Christmas form in another fic I did art for.
Dean slapped a couple of burgers down on the kitchen table in front of his brother, Castiel and Hani. Sam, more used to Dean's random outbursts, didn't flinch, but Castiel and Hani both jumped in surprise. As Sam dug into his burger, Dean sat down and stared at the them.
I couldn't resist a picture of Dean with burgers, or Dean and Sam in a house. It gave me warm, fuzzy, canon-ish feels. Anyways, this scene was important for Hani and Castiel and I believe this is when the pair of them completely realized the character of the Winchester brothers.
Those were the first three open, and thus Castiel thought Dean specifically wanted him to look at those. Starting to read, Castiel realized with a sinking feeling what they must have talked about. He hoped he hadn't divulged too much. He didn’t want people to know how wrong he was.
Except... he's not broken and for once, Castiel has an answer. Despite this chapter having a huge moment with Ash -- leading to a huge moment with Dean -- this right here changed Castiel and his characterization. I wanted to highlight the importance of this scene and almost chose not to texture this photo so the websites could be read.
Gender and Sexuality ABCs - Teensource || LGBTQ Definitions || Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation
The doorbell ringing made them all jump. Kevin squeaked - he hotly denied it later - and the mood broke. Charlie ran to the door to grab the pizzas from the deliveryman, Sam following with the cash.
Do me a favor -- google Felicia Day eating pizza.
You're welcome.
“You’re not the only one disappointed, old man,” Michael sneered, rising. “All of you are out of your minds, enabling this ridiculous, juvenile behavior. Tell yourselves whatever you want, but I know broken when I see it. I’m done. Call me when you’ve come to your senses.”
Support from his older brother as well as disgust. Michael has been a contributing factor to Castiel feeling like there was something wrong with him for years, but here... he saw Michael's true colors (which, he knew) but also that his family had his back all along.
Three weeks later, Crowley showed up to class with a black eye, a dislocated jaw, and a broken nose. He avoided Castiel like the plague.
This was the last step in Castiel being okay with himself and realizing how important Dean was and how much he cared.
"May I kiss you, Cas?" Dean’s asked hesitantly, hopefully.
“Please,” Castiel breathed, leaning forward but still hesitating.
